I have made a career out of helping men get back with their exes.
That’s why it pains me to say these words…
Most men who try to get their ex girlfriend back end up failing.
A recent poll done by AP-WE TV found that only 4 in 10 people end up getting back together with an ex. So, if you are using those numbers that puts you at a 40% chance of success.
In other words, you have a 60% chance of failing.
Now, I will say that with what I teach on this website I would estimate that your chances of failing are lowered significantly but I will admit that most of the people who come to this website end up failing when it comes to getting their exes back.
Honestly… it’s just the nature of the beast.
Stereotypes have painted a negative picture when it comes to getting back with exes.
I mean, have you ever heard the phrase,
“There’s always more fish in the sea?”
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“Oh, you are better off without him/her?”
Most people have this belief that it’s one and done after a breakup.
They aren’t open to considering a re-connection.
So, hypothetically, let’s say that you come to this website, you try everything in your power to get your ex back and fail.
Well, then it’s probably time to move on and that’s what I am going to talk about today.
Who I Am And Why You Should Listen To Me
My name is Chris Seiter and I am a professional relationship consultant.
Yup, I am a real person.
And this is my wife,
It’s funny, I learned a long time ago that I can throw out all the statistics in the world.
Like the fact that we get about 3,000,000 visitors a year on Ex Girlfriend Recovery,
Or the fact that I have helped over 15,000 men and women with their exes.
But when it comes to the visitors of this site all it takes is one look at my wife and all the men here immediately perk up and listen to everything I say.
It used to bug me a bit.
But I figured I would just start embracing that fact no matter how illogical it may seem.
In other words, I have a hot wife therefore you should listen to me
Oh, and for you naysayers out there who think that, that woman above is just some model I copy and pasted off of Facebook,
BAM (mic drop!)
Ok, enough with the formalities.
Now that I have proven myself to you (by showing off my wife…) I want to talk about you. Specifically about getting over your ex girlfriend.
The Importance Of Leaving No Stone Unturned
Most of the men who come to this site want their ex girlfriends back. Therefore, most of my content is geared towards helping them achieve that goal. However, like I said when I first started this article, most men who try to get their ex girlfriends back end up failing.
It’s not their fault either.
Sometimes there is literally nothing you can do to succeed.
For example, I once had a client, Bob, who came to this site wanting nothing more than to get his girlfriend back,
“She is the love of my life. I don’t even think I can picture a life without her.”
Honestly, when a man tells me this about his ex girlfriend I get a bit giddy because it’s so hard to find someone who is willing to do whatever it takes to succeed. Most of the men who come to this site half ass things but that wasn’t Bob.
Bob was in this for real.
He wanted his ex back and was willing to do whatever I told him to succeed.
There was just one problem.
Bob’s ex girlfriend had already moved on and found a new boyfriend.
Now, this didn’t scare me one bit because I have helped multiple men get back with their girlfriends after they had moved on to a new boyfriend.
But something about this relationship between her and the new guy was different.
It was deeper.
So deep in fact that she eventually ended up marrying this guy.
Bob was devastated BUT there was literally nothing he could do.
Sometimes that’s just the way it works. You can do everything right and still fail.
But Bob can live without any regrets because he tried everything.
He did everything to succeed.
He turned over every stone when he was trying to get her back.
I want you to take a look at the graphic I put together for you below,
I like to call this my,
“Leave no stone unturned” graphic.
There are three steps to it.
And I know you are probably looking at the steps and thinking to yourself,
“Chris, this is like basic knowledge.”
True, BUT basic knowledge can sometimes be very difficult to follow. Take step one as an example,
Most men don’t try everything.
They simply give up too soon.
And then you have the opposite that holds true as well. Sometimes men will give up before trying anything. If you want your ex girlfriend back DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT before you give up.
But what about step two?
What about it?
If you are making progress with your ex then don’t give up.
If you aren’t then maybe it’s time to look elsewhere.
Again, I realize this is basic advice but you will be surprised at how complicated some men can make it. Just use me as a way of simplifying it.
Of course, then we have step three!
If you can honestly say you have tried everything and haven’t made any progress then you can move on.
Coincidentally… that’s what the rest of this article is about.
Therefore, we are going to assume that you have already tried everything to get your ex girlfriend back, failed and now are looking to move on. That’s our assumption moving forward.
How Long Will It Take To Fully Get Over An Ex Girlfriend
One of the coolest things about having a website is the fact that I am always searching for ways to improve my visitors experience.
Sometimes that means redesigning the entire site,
And sometimes that means creating a quiz that I know you guys will go crazy for,
Lately I have been really big on these quizzes.
I am thinking that when it’s all said and done Ex Girlfriend Recovery is going to be home to four different quizzes.
Right now we have our flagship quiz, what kind of chance do you have of getting your ex back.
But I want to create something useful for everyone throughout every step of the process.
Meaning I want to be a safety net for men who are going through all phases of getting an ex back.
Yup, I want to create a whole section of this site dedicated to recovering from an ex. I feel that, that is one area where this site lacks. Sure, it’s incredible at helping men get their exes back but it falls short when it comes to helping the men who fail at getting their exes back.
And one of the things I wanted to do was create a quiz for helping men get over an ex.
So, the other day I was sitting back and thinking to myself,
Well, what the hell would a guy want to know about if he was trying to get over an ex?
I’ll admit that it took me a long time before I finally had an “A HA” moment.
A man who truly wants to get over an ex will probably think to himself,
“How long is it going to take for me to get over her?”
Well, that’s what this section is about.
Before I start giving you actual actions you can take to get over your ex girlfriend I want to set your expectations on how long this process is going to take.
So, how long will it actually take for you to get over your ex girlfriend?
The Answer = It Depends…
Some men can get over an ex in a matter of weeks while with others it can take years.
So, rather than give you a specific set answer like 34 and a half days I decided to look at the factors that will go into making it difficult for you to recover from a breakup.
Through research and common sense I have identified a total of 4 factors that will have a direct correlation to how fast or long it will take you to get over your ex girlfriend. Are you ready to hear them?
- Factor One: The Length Of Your Relationship With Your Ex
- Factor Two: The Recency Of The Breakup
- Factor Three: The Seriousness Of The Relationship
- Factor Four: How The Relationship Ended
Let’s take a moment to dissect each of these one by one.
Factor One: The Length Of Your Relationship With Your Ex
Let’s pretend that you dated your ex girlfriend for a total of 3 years and your best friend, Billy, has dated his ex girlfriend for a total of 3 weeks.
Now, out of the two of you which one do you think will get over their ex girlfriends faster.
You or Billy?
Generally speaking the length of a relationship has a direct correlation to how long it will take to get over a relationship.
The longer the relationship the longer it takes.
The shorter the relationship the shorter it will be.
Now, there may be one exception to this little rule and it’s something I like to call the “worn out your welcome” effect.
What Is The “Worn Out Your Welcome” Effect?
What I am about to tell you about here has a very low probability of actually coming true but I want to be thorough and since I know this does exist I would feel bad if I didn’t explain it to you. Imagine that you and your ex girlfriend dated for 10 years and things were getting really stale in the relationship.
You were bored…
She was bored…
You had heard all of her stories and she had heard all of yours.
Your relationship had gotten to a point where both of you had worn out your welcome. Both of you wanted to break up.
In this kind of a situation the speed at which you can recover from a breakup can be increased because it’s something you wanted.
But like I said.
Because oftentimes when you are trying to move on you can’t help but compare your ex to the next person you are on a date with and if you were with your ex for a long time there are going to be memories there that, that new person can’t compete with.
Let me give you an example.
One of my best friends, Guy, ended up dating a girl for close to 6 years and after the two of them broke up and he reached a point where he wanted to move on he couldn’t help compare every girl he went on a date with to his ex.
She’s not as good looking…
She’s not as funny…
She’s not as good in bed…
You get the picture.
Doing stuff like that obviously prolongs the amount of time it will take to get over an ex.
Factor Two: The Recency Of The Breakup
You’ve probably heard it a million times.
Time heals all wounds…
It tracks that the more recent your breakup with your ex is the harder it is going to be for you to get over her.
And the farther away from the breakup you are the easier it is going to be for you to get over her.
Marriage therapist, Paul Hokemeyer, seems to agree with me as he has stated that,
“Right after a breakup, we are catapulted into the stages of fight, flight or freeze. In this place of reaction, we feel intense anger, terrifying anxiety or paralyzing depression. This intense stage typically last for the first 90 days of a breakup.”
In other words, on average, it’s going to take longer than 90 days for someone to get to a stage where they feel like they are going to be able to look at the situation rationally and say,
“Hmm… maybe it was for the best that we broke up.”
This aligns perfectly with my theory that the recency of the breakup can have a direct correlation to how fast it will take for you to get over your ex.
What we learned here is that 90 days seems to be the magic number when your hormones stop going nuts and you get control of them again.
So, I guess what I am trying to say here is that if you are coming into this and thinking about you are going to get over your ex in a week… well, that’s wishful thinking my friend.
Science has proven that it’s most likely going to take longer than 90 days.
Factor Three: The Seriousness Of The Relationship
I think in a different life I was a mathematician of some sort.
Maybe I was like an Albert Einstein type,
Ok, probably not.
I was horrible at math in school and I doubt I would get very far in life without my handy dandy calculator.
But I am often looking for correlations with relationships much like a mathematician would.
And no matter how many times I try to convince myself otherwise there is one big correlation that I keep seeing between the seriousness of a relationship and the length of the relationship.
You remember the length of a relationship (factor one,) right?
Well, doesn’t it makes sense that the longer a relationship lasts the more serious the two people are about each other.
Throughout this site I have always pointed out that women generally aren’t going to stay with a man if there is no hope for a long term future.
For example, there is a girl I know that literally stayed with a guy for 6 years because she believed he was going to propose to her.
But that’s besides the point.
She believed he would.
She believed that there was going to be a future for the two of them.
But I am getting off topic here.
The seriousness of a relationship is often defined by a few main factors.
Think of them like factors within factors.
- The length of the relationship
- The stage of the relationship
Let’s tackle the length aspect first.
(Main Factor One) The Length Of The Relationship
This one is pretty easy to understand.
Pretend you have two couples.
A couple who has been dating for 10 years
A couple who has been for 2 months
Which of these couples would you say are more serious about each other?
The couple who has been dating for 10 years.
You see, relationships are kind of like a test.
You are put through numerous trials and tribulations that are meant to test your compatibility.
Some couples thrive and some couples barely survive.
Hell, some couples never survive.
My point is that after ten years you know a thing or two about making it work. I mean, you have probably been through so much together.
A couple who has only been together for 2 months may think they are more compatible or more serious about each other but they are still in the honeymoon phase. Their opinion doesn’t count.
(Main Factor Two) The Stage Of The Relationship
You may not know this but there are three different stages of a relationship before marriage.
I have already alluded to two of those stages (the honeymoon period and going through trials and tribulations.)
But this is the way I look at relationships.
Each relationship should go through these three stages before getting married.
Because it will yield the most successful marriages.
Let me give you an example.
Stage One: The Honeymoon Period
Ah the honeymoon period.
That period of time where your partner can do no wrong.
Where life is perfect…
She is perfect…
Nothing can go wrong.
What oftentimes happens here is that people try to take a serious step like getting married before they have proven themselves in the trials and tribulations stage.
The Result = Divorce
Look, some men are lucky enough to pick right and they luck out but often times the smartest determination on whether you should get serious with a partner or not is highly lenient on how each of you handle the trials and tribulations that you will face as a couple.
Stage Two: Trials & Tribulations
This is where the fun truly begins.
How do you handle your girl flirting with other men?
How do you handle other men flirting with your girl?
What about when people try to break you up (because it’s bound to happen.)
What are your values?
What are her values?
Do they align?
How do you handle fighting for the first time?
Do you hold a grudge?
Does she hold a grudge?
There are literally thousands of these little questions that you need an answer to. Oh, and the funnest part of this all is that they are all trials and tribulations. The vast majority of people break up because they are facing a trial or tribulation and fail.
For example, if you were to cheat on your ex girlfriend then you would be facing the trial of resisting temptation (you failed.)
Stage Three: Considering Marriage
I am going to be honest with you.
This one is kind of hard to pin down because I have met many people who try to expedite stage three by doing it in the honeymoon period.
They start discussing marriage way too soon before either party has proven themselves.
Each member of the relationship should pass a certain amount of trials and tribulations before they should allow themselves to open up a dialogue about getting married.
And yet… people still break up over this.
Take the girl I mentioned above about how she waited for six years for a guy to propose when he never did. There was obviously a disagreement here about considering marriage.
The guy believed he was not ready to get married. He was maybe prolonging the trials and tribulations on purpose so he wouldn’t feel tied down.
And the girl believed that enough trials and tribulations had been passed for them to get married.
They broke up over this.
Now, here is the thing you have to remember with these stages.
As you move up them your relationship gets more and more serious. For example, someone who is going to be considering marriage is bound to be at a more serious stage of the relationship than someone who is still in the honeymoon period.
Factor Four- How The Relationship Ended
Relationships end every day.
And since I run a website that revolves around breakups I have heard just about every story there is to hear.
And in all of my time spent reading and writing about breakups I have began to notice that oftentimes how a relationship ends can have a direct correlation between how long it can take for someone to truly get over a breakup.
I would like to use two examples to illustrate my point.
Let’s pretend you have Couple A and Couple B.
Couple A have just went through a mutual breakup.
Meaning that while there are still hard feelings both people in the relationship decided that it was best to go their separate ways.
On the other hand, couple B are going through a breakup where the woman cheated on the man.
Now, here is my question.
When you look at the men in couples A and B which one do you think will heal from the breakup faster?
The man in couple A, right?
I mean, the man in couple B is probably terrified of moving on.
He is probably hurt on a deep level from the cheating and he may end up developing some trust issues.
Here is my point.
How the relationship ends definitely factors into how long it will take someone to get over a breakup.
Is it the most important factor for determining the length of time it will take to get over an ex?
No, but it has to be considered.
Putting It All Together
I have decided to put something together for you.
I was looking around online and I couldn’t locate any type of graphic that could potentially tell you how long it would take you to get over your ex. So, instead of looking for one and referencing it I decided to create one myself.
The graphic utilizes each of the four factors that I talked about above and I injected my professional opinion.
Now, I do want to say that before you read this graphic this is all just my opinion.
In no way does it make what I am about to say (or more accurately draw) true. You may find that it takes twice as long to get over your ex or you may even find that you can get over your ex faster than I am claiming.
This is all just my opinion.
Here’s the graphic,
Now, there is a lot going on here so give me a few minutes to explain.
And make sure you pay attention because this is arguably the most important part of this page.
You will notice that each of the factors that we talked about above are on this graphic and they are followed by three lines.
- A blue line
- A grey line
- A red line
These lines are meant to represent two things.
The first thing they help represent is how long it will take you to get over your ex. The second thing is the severity of the factors.
Now, what do you think I mean by that?
The severity of the factors?
Well, I think this would work better with an example so let’s pretend that I am going through a breakup and I want to figure out how long it will take to get over my ex. Let’s utilize this graphic and see if I can get an estimate.
We will take my breakup factor by factor.
Factor One- The Length Of The Relationship
Generally speaking the longer the relationship the longer it takes to get over someone.
Now, in my particular fake breakup I dated my ex for about 5 months.
So, what I would want to do is look at the graphic and place myself on one of the colored lines.
Blue Represents: Cold
Grey Represents: Medium
Red Represents: Hot
Of course, how do you place the length of a relationship in a cold, medium or hot scale?
Simple, the shorter you dated the colder you are and the longer you dated the hotter you are.
I would say five months kind of falls in between cold and hot so I am going to place it here,
Factor Two: The Recency Of The Breakup
The general rule here is that the more recent the breakup is the longer it will take to get over an ex.
So, plotting that should be relatively easy to figure out using our awesome hot/cold method.
Let’s see… how recent is my fake breakup?
Let’s say that it’s very recent.
Like two weeks recent.
Well, in that case then it should probably be plotted as hot since it would probably take longer to get over my ex,
Factor Three: The Seriousness Of The Relationship
Again, the general rule here is very simple.
The the more serious the relationship the longer it is going to take to get over your ex.
I would say that my fake breakup wasn’t not serious but it wasn’t to the level where we were talking about marriage.
So, where would we put that on our scale?
How about here,
Factor Four: How The Relationship Ended
The general rule here is a little harder to narrow down.
Though eventually I think I came up with a pretty decent “general guideline” to follow.
The more painful the reason for breaking up is the longer it will take to get over an ex.
In other words, if the two of you came to a mutual decision then you would probably be in the blue category.
If your ex flirted with other guys and it caused a rift then you would probably be in the grey category.
As for red… well, that’s all about cheating or doing something else unimaginable.
What about my fake breakup?
Well, my fake ex flirted a lot.
Putting It All Together
Ok, now that we have our scale entirely filled out what the heck does it all mean.
Well, do you see all those arrows that we plotted?
You want to look for a correlation.
In other words, you want to see which area of the scale they are plotted under the most.
In the case of our fake breakup example you can clearly see that they are plotted under medium,
In other words, it’s probably going to take me a good 5 or 6 months to fully get over the breakup.
This begs an interesting question.
What would happen if all the points were plotted all over the place like this,
Well, as you can clearly see the “cold” option still has more points than the rest so chances are you are going to fall into that category.
No matter what you do one category is always going to have more points than the others and since the factors are all very closely related in importance it works out in the end!
Now, I do realize that there are probably going to be a lot of questions about this scale/tool so feel free to ask any of your questions in the comments section below.
We promise to answer them all!