What We'll Cover
Est Read Time - 21 Minutes
“Help me”, he cried out to me, as he wrestled with what was yet another dream about his ex-girlfriend.
I had been working with a guy named, Brad, for a few weeks in an effort to get him back on a solid track with his ex girlfriend recovery process.
But during this conversation with me, all Brad could talk about were the dreams he was having about his ex gf and what that meant.
You see, Brad was halfway through the No Contact Period.
He had gotten a few little nibbles from his ex girlfriend, suggesting that she was primed to re-explore a relationship with him.
They were coming off two successive break ups in a span of a couple of months and this time he wanted to get things right.
But now he was having these amazing dreams about his ex girlfriend.
His mind was working overtime with what it all meant and what he should do about it, as she was appearing to him almost every night in his dreams.
And quite frankly, I understood exactly what was going on with him because it happens often with people when they break up with their former girlfriend.
Guys dream about their ex-girlfriends and the ladies can’t help dreaming about their man.
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Now in Brad’s case, while he was crying out for help, I could tell he was genuinely divided about what it all meant and if he should act on what he thought the dreams may have been telling him.
He was not being victimized by horrible dreams about his ex-girlfriend, dreams that had her wielding a knife or standing him up.
No, it was nothing like that.
It was quite the contrary.
Brad was having these amazing sex dreams about his ex-girlfriend.
Part of him did not want them to stop and I fully understand.
Indeed, it could be argued that those intimate dreams he was having about his ex-girlfriend were a healthy outlet.
But what I didn’t want him doing was interrupting his No Contact Period, thinking that these vivid and fulfilling dreams meant that it was time for him to reunite with his ex-girlfriend.
I didn’t want him to think that the dream represented some kind of prediction that the two of them were ready to resume the relationship after only 2 weeks of No Contact.
Remember, Brad and his honey had broken up twice already.
So I wanted Brad to follow his game plan.
You see, dreaming about your ex-girlfriend is what I consider a purely natural occurrence, but it should never be mistaken as a “Call for Duty” on what you should do next.
That kind of thinking is usually a recipe for disaster.
There is a very good chance that if you recently broke up with an ex, you will be visited by her in your dreams.
Why does that happen?
Well, there are a host of reasons on why your dream gremlins can conjure up all these fantastical images in your mind.
I think of dreams as “Movies of the Mind”.
And I think the term “dream gremlins” describes quite well what is going on in your mind when you dream about your ex girlfriend.
What is a gremlin?
Here is a quick definition!
An imaginary mischievous sprite regarded as responsible for an unexplained problem or fault,
You see, just like a gremlin, the mechanizations of your mind can create an imaginary world which can lead to mischievous results.
Some of these dreams are harmless and rather fun to remember.
I think in most cases, when guys dream about their ex-girlfriend, the dream experience is more often a positive outcome.
The fact that you are HERE reading this post suggests that you are probably positively motivated to win back your ex girlfriend and this is usually reflected in your dreams about her.
But dreams do not travel along a one way street, filled with delight.
Dreams about your ex girlfriend can also be quite upsetting or confusing.
Dreams of your former lover can be unnerving or even haunting. Years could have passed, and yet you awaken to a dream involving an ex-girlfriend
When you dream about her, it is natural to wonder if it means that the two of you are meant for each other.
You wonder if is it a signal of some kind.
Is the universe trying to tell you something?
Let’s tackle these questions and more!
Over the next several minutes, we are going to take our own little journey, but in this case, let’s focus as much as possible on the facts and what can help you!
Here is a brief outline of what will be covered in this Guide.
- “In Dreams” – Your Relationship Mind Sponge
- Where Do Dreams About an Ex Girlfriend Come From?
- Why Do You Dream About Your Ex Girlfriend?
- Your Dreams & Your Feelings
- What Does It All Mean?
- What Should You Do About It?
“In Dreams” – Your Relationship Mind Sponge
It turns out that dreams about an Ex girlfriend is very common.
Such is the power of our minds that they can construct elaborate tales of fiction and pass them off as reality during your night’s slumber.
This should not be too surprising because of what I call the “Relationship Mind Sponge”.
We have this amazing capacity to sponge up essentially every experience and thought we have, most of which we do not consciously remember.
Given that the relationship you had with you ex girlfriend was very likely occupying a good amount of your memories, it follows that your mind will assign a higher weight or gravity to those experiences and thoughts.
Throw in the fact that these experiences with your ex girlfriend involved close bonding with another human being (i.e. your ex gf)…. a connection at a profound level…. it should not be too surprising that your Relationship Mind Sponge is filled with memories and thoughts of your former lovely lady.
Have you ever watched or heard of that show on Discovery channel called, “Gold Rush”?
Seems like they have half a dozen shows on television that deals with trying to mine gold and build a fortune.
Well, your mind, when it comes to dreaming about your Ex-girlfriend, sort of operates like a gold mine.
To get to the gold nuggets, the miners have to sift through all sorts of dirt and rocks.
Since gold is the heaviest element, it will naturally settle at the bottom of the gold pan.
It is a lot like that when your mind sifts through all of its memories and information it has in inventory.
When it is time to construct a dream, the mind (i.e. your subconscious) will naturally be influenced more by the weight and gravity of those memories that are more meaningful to you.
It is those memories of your ex girlfriend that are engraved or etched deeply into your mind that make up some of the raw materials used by the brain when it constructs a dream.
As we all walk around, our brain is capable of sponging up tons and tons of data, most of which we are not even consciously aware of.
You are kinda like a walking, moving picture show maker.
You are constantly gathering up the raw materials to make your movies of the mind.
Right now, your lovely ex-girlfriend has a number of the starring roles in these little fictional dramas.
So should we embrace our dreams?
Do they have meaning?
Or are they just fictional, “movies of the mind”, that bear no resemblance to the past or your future prospects.
Roy Orbison composed and sang a song called “In Dreams”, which was a haunting tale of lost love.
This 1963 song was largely forgotten until the movie, Blue Velvet, resurrected the little masterpiece. Here are just a few of its lyrics:
I close my eyes then I drift away, Into the magic night, I softly say a silent prayer like dreamers do;
This is where my friend Brad was at in his mind.
He savored all of the dreams of his ex girlfriend and in no way wanted them to go away, because he missed her so much.
But what was stirring inside him was the beginning of an obsession, because all he could think about was dreaming about her.
It became obvious to me that Brad was sinking deeper into the wrong places of his mind.
Then I fall asleep to dream my dreams of you; In dreams I walk with you; In dreams I talk to you; In dreams you’re mine all the time.
You see Brad, just like Roy Orbison who tenderly laid out his lyrics, was falling in love with his dream girl.
The problem was that dream girls are not real.
They are just figments of our dream world and can lead us in the wrong direction. And the longer he focused on the dream girl, the further away it took him from his game plan of winning back his real life, ex girlfriend.
Where Do Dreams About An Ex Girlfriend Come From?
Dreams come from the wonderland of our minds.
I am now ready to announce an amazing discovery!
I have done intensive research on this topic and have set up laboratory tests and here is what I have observed.
During the dark of night, little creatures crawl up into your brain. They gain access through your ears and nose.
One is a writer….
Another is a cinematographer….
Then we have a director and set and costume designer….
Once these creatures are in your brain, they can access your neurons and manipulate them in such a way that they construct entire, elaborate fantasies starring you and your ex girlfriend.
Their aim is to build a “movie of the mind” franchise. I would say they are looking to produce and release about 30-40 of these dreams over the years. Just like the Bond franchise.
By the way, check out the latest Bond movie!
Ok… just kidding about the little creatures. I have not lost it, quite yet.
The prevailing theory from researchers is that dreaming is generated by our brain stem.
Your brain stem is like a bean stalk that sprouts on up in the sky and if you climb it you will find a giant…. .hold it…. that can’t be right. I think I am confusing the fable of Jack and the Beanstalk with the brain stem.
Ok… let me reset my brain.
You know, I just have not been getting much sleep these days. Probably due to all those dreams.
Alright, so as we continue our discussion of the brain stem…this time for real…let me just underscore that the stem of your brain is that part of your anatomy that connects to the spinal cord. It is thought to regulate our sleep patterns.
So what does all that mean and how does it help us understand where your dreams originate?
Well, the best the researchers can make of it all is that with the firing and activation of neurons, certain memories and emotions emerge from all of this electrical activity.
As to the triggering event, science tells us it happens much more often during what is called REM sleep.
Fascinating stuff, right?
Enough to put one right to sleep, if you ask me!
It is interesting though to note that many of your dreams go unremembered.
So you could have an entire library of lurid and detailed dreams about your lovely ex girlfriend, but will have no memory of them.
At least, no memory at the conscious level.
I wouldn’t bank on anyone soon finding the true origins of dreams or exactly what is going on in our brain.
It is pretty complicated stuff.
You see, what makes a dream emerge and what it all means is as puzzling to behavioral scientists today as it was during the time Freud speculated about the meaning of dreams.
Let’s just agree that the dreams you have of your ex girlfriend comes from the wonderland of your mind.
And the big takeaway is that during this period of recovery you are undergoing, your ex girlfriend has one of the starring roles in your mind’s picture show…at least for now.
Why Do You Dream So Much About Your Ex Girlfriend?
What possesses you to dream of your former ex girlfriend is seldom a singular thing.
Your dreams arise for a reason. Now whether those reasons are logical or can ever be entirely pinned down is a different matter.
When you take a dream and start breaking it down into its components, you are going to be inclined to want to make sense of it all. It is just the way we operate.
Not just us guys, but everyone. We want to make sense of things. We search for patterns in the world around us and within us, hoping to arrive at a deeper meaning.
But let me warn you…dreams about your ex girlfriend are like chameleons.
Just when you can put a face on it and think you have it all figured out, you end up having another dream of her, causing you to reassess what it all really means.
So don’t try so hard to make sense of them all. It is most likely a futile exercise.
My personal opinion is that dreams are scattered memories and images.
And we are just guys with normal fears, anxieties, and uncertainties. You throw all that together, you end up with the mind’s picture shows of the night.
Your mind’s movie may reflect on many interesting things or have little bearing on things which matter to you most.
The mind is a kaleidoscope of images and memories embedded deep down into recesses of your brain.
Think of your subconscious as the Director of movies of your mind.
Those images and movies starring your Ex most likely find their way into your dream because of the prominence and weight the experience had in your memory.
As with all things, time is the final arbitrator as to what things stand more prominent in you mind. As memories and thoughts about your ex fades, so to will be these haunting moving pictures of your mind.
Now, let travel down the dream path of possibilities.
Your dreams of your ex girlfriend may suggest you still have some unresolved feelings.
Well, not really, as I am sure you probably suspected as much. You could still be missing your ex on many levels and are trying to connect with her in dream land.
Or you may have had an abusive relationship and some of the emotional baggage has not been properly sorted through at the conscious level.
So the subconscious is working through it, trying to make sense of it. It is possible you are purging angry and resentful feelings that have been been contained far too long.
It could mean you are having trouble letting her go.
During your relationship with your ex girlfriend you were accustomed to her being an important routine in your life. That routine now has been interrupted, turned upside down.
Your psyche could be trying to sort things out. What before felt like a complete life, may now feel a bit like swiss cheese as you search to fill in the gaps.
Your dreams of your former sweetheart do not necessarily mean you still love her, rather it could be your psyche trying to deal with sorting out where she fits into your life, if at all.
Just know that following break-up, particularly the messy ones, people need time to truly get in touch with their feelings.
The dreams you experience is your mind’s way of trying to sort through the many jumbled memories and feelings you have.
After a break up, things can get turbulent. Your dreams can follow that pattern.
It is also possible your subconscious mind may be trying to take you to a place to escape some current ongoing stress.
It hard to deal with a break up. For months or even years you and your girl were a hot item. You both felt connected on many levels.
Now all that is all gone. It is natural for the internal musings of the mind to hearken back to better times.
Perhaps you have started a new relationship with a wonderful women.
You may be quite happy. But your subconscious, which knows you best, just won’t let you off the hook. So these recurring dreams you are having of your ex girlfriend could be your psyche trying to compare the two women in your life.
Never forget that the bond you have with your ex girlfriend is tightly woven throughout your mind. It is forged by a multitude of experiences you and your girl shared together.
Hence this is why your mind will run it own picture show operation at a subconscious, dream state level. Even if you have decided to let her go and move on, your subconscious, which is the King of the night, will occasionally cast your ex girlfriend in a starring role as you act out all types of feelings and emotions about a great many things.
Dreams Can Help You Get in Touch With Your Feelings
Have you ever played pinball?
You watch that little ball get knocked around all over the place and hope to keep the little ball from falling down through the slot.
That is sort of what it’s like when you are recovering from an ex girlfriend breakup. Your emotions will skyrocket into all kinds of places, seemingly bouncing randomly from one experience to another.
Welcome to the world of the ex girlfriend blues and blow-ups.
The emotions you will exhibit will run the gambit from confusion, anger, resentment, sadness, and wistfulness to name a few.
You may experience periods of intense happiness, followed by some downside moods.
Don’t you just love these break-ups!
They turn us into emotional pinballs!
But I want you to think of it this way.
YOU are trying to connect with what is inside of you.
We are always trying to make connections….in our normal waking life and sometimes during our unconscious sleeping life.
Naturally, as we sort through our past experiences with our ex-girlfriend, we become subject to an assortment of emotions and these feelings intersect with our dream world.
You can get sexually excited when you dream of your ex gf. You can get angry or annoyed or disappointed when the dream reveals something about her.
Ex girlfriend dreams don’t obey any set of rules.
You can awaken from your dream feeling happy, sad, or confused.
Even later, during your waking hours, when you are trying to process what the dream about your ex gf really means, it can cause you to get confused, frustrated, or absent minded.
This is all normal.
Be careful not to focus too much on the dream or it’s meaning. It may very like mean nothing.
The only thing you can be certain of is that you will have more of them.
And none of these dreams necessarily hold a “magic key” to what you should do.
Some guys get a little crazy when they dream about their ex girlfriend and try to act out on their interpretation of what it all means.
Don’t read too much into your dreams.
Remember, they are the mind’s picture shows in which the most meaningful thing you can derive from the experience is the wonderment of the brain’s ability to entertain you on all sorts of levels during the night.
Sometimes, there are some really nice benefits when you enter into dreamland
I had a client who experienced these very erotic dreams of his ex girlfriend. He had already moved on and had met an amazing women. He felt guilty about having them and asked me what he should do. He wanted to tell his new girl.
I told him I thought it would be a huge mistake to reveal to his new girlfriend that he was having these sexy dreams about his former lover.
I told him that it was likely the ex girlfriend erotic dreams had probably run their course and what he should do is internalize them only in such a way that it results in spicing up his sex life with his new girlfriend.
Moral of story….
He later reached out to tell me I was a “Frickin Dude genius”. So I guess he and his new woman were getting it on quite well.
So what if you have not moved on?
What if you still want your ex girlfriend back?
And what if you are having sex dreams about your former girlfriend?
If you are still seeking to reunite with your ex girlfriend, then don’t let a sexy dream get you out of touch with reality.
If you are in the middle of a No Contact Period, stay the course.
It could be a dream of your ex ignoring you. Such dreams can sometimes work on you in such a way that you cave in to your impulses.
Just stay the course.
I know that some of these dreams can make you feel a bit desperate. Just don’t give in.
Forewarned is forearmed!
Do you know how some movies reflect on what is going on in current life?
Well, that is probably what is happening here.
In real life, she is ignoring you…..you are ignoring her.
You are lonely and you wish to be with her. So it should not be surprising you will act out on these feelings at your subconscious level. Hence you may very well have a dream where your ex girlfriend ignores you. Expect it.
What if you are dreaming of having a fight with your ex?
Guess what… dreams can often be a reflection of your past.
You guys did fight, right?
Your Relationship Mind Sponge soaks all of that up and is plays it back to you.
So don’t get overly analytical about why you are having a fight dream involving your ex. It is probably your mind’s way of blowing off some steam.
Then there are the dreams of getting back together.
Oh, the power of the subconscious!
Of course, that is what you likely want to do. So naturally, your mind will play out different scenarios about what that might look.
The “They People” say our inner mind is wise! “They” say that the mind knows that “life” is stranger than fiction.
Think of it as your subconscious mind preparing you for a possible future outcome.
Oh..I have one more for you!
Dreams can make you feel frightened. It can take on nightmarish forms.
The images within your dream could be bizarre, even beyond bizarre.
You could have an awful dream of your ex and her new beau.
It could be a dream of you hurting your ex girlfriend or possibly you learn terrible news of her death. Or maybe you dream that something (e.g. monster, natural disaster) is keeping the two of you apart.
Look, you have seen horror movies, right?
They freak you out, but you know it’s not real.
It’s the same thing here.
Chalk it up as your mind trying to cope with a loss or fear of loss. Don’t assign any probability that such things could ever come true.
Remember, fear is a powerful force and can cause you to think in all kinds of odd and strange and frightful ways.
Unfortunately, sometimes these thoughts get translated into dreams.
What Does It All Mean?
Are you still looking for meaning as it applies to your ex girlfriend dream states?
I would advise you not to try too hard.
Understanding the meaning of dreams is a slippery slope.
But the least I can do is point you to some things you can “hang your hat on” when it comes to deciphering the meaning of ex gf dreams.
This is my take….
When you dream about your ex, it means you are relatively healthy as you are playing out the many thoughts and memories in your mind.
Think of it as the brain’s creative play time…a creative process where you construct an entirely new and different world.
It helps the mind and body rejuvenate and reduce stress.
It is possible your dreams may mean something, but these “picture shows of the mind” have no bearing on your ability to get her back some day in the future, if that is what you desire.
Don’t assume you should derive some special feeling or insight about what you dreamed about.
But you should assume that your ex-girlfriend is having dreams too.
Ok… I have a little bit of sneaky idea that you could put to use in the future.
You can play on the idea that your ex girlfriend is having dreams about you.
Remember, the two of you, though currently separated, will experience what is called the “mirroring” phenomenon.
What you experience in the way of emotions and reactions to the break-up, your ex girlfriend will also likely experience.
If you dream of her, you can be assured she will likely be dreaming of you.
One way you can leverage that is when it’s time to send her what I call the First Contact text message.
I talk about this process at length in my e-books.
A provide many examples of how, what, and when you should reach out to your ex gf once the No Contact Period is over.
Well, bringing up something you both have in common…something that speaks to the heart of your emotions (i.e. your dreams of each other) could be one way to trigger a successful first contact with your former lover.
Dreaming of Your Ex – What Should You Do About It
Let me start with what you should NOT do.
Don’t write down your dreams or record them in a special journal.
Some experts may tell you it is a great idea, but don’t count me as one who advocates such nonsense!
Look… I don’t want you torturing yourself trying to decipher and solve the riddle of these ex girlfriend dreams.
I don’t want you laboring hour after hour, trying to figure out all the possible meanings of this nightly images.
Let me give you a shortcut to what your dreams mean!
It means this and that or possibly not this and that, but more of the other.
Does the word, “gibberish” comes to mind?
Yep…in my view, most dreams are about your subconscious entertaining itself in the middle of the night.
Don’t expect them to make total sense.
Don’t try to derive some mystical meaning from them.
Dreams do not represent a CALL TO DUTY.
So, overly focusing on your dreams just defeats the aim of your recovery process.
What I don’t want you doing is obsessing over your ex gf. Trying to interpret your dreams about your old girlfriend can lead you down that path.
It is important you understand how dreams fit into the scheme of reality.
They exist only in your mind and nowhere else.
When you turn in for the night, you will likely dream about things. It is a bit of a grab bag of possibilities…those things you dream about.
The “director” of the dream sequence will often times merge numerous subconscious drives. A dream will emerge.
Even though your ex-girlfriend may be in the dream, the actual meaning, if such a thing can ever be known unequivocally, may have less to do with your ex and more to do with your particular mood state.
In closing, I will leave you with a quote!
“It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.”