What We'll Cover
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So you and your ex girlfriend slept together but despite this incredible act of love she still won’t commit to you.
Oh, and in case you were wondering when I talk about “commitment” I mean that she won’t agree to officially be your ex girlfriend again.
(Glad we got that cleared up.)
That’s where I come in.
I’m going to take you from here,
But more on that in a second.
I suppose I should start out by saying that you have already accomplished a lot.
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In case you haven’t noticed, Ex Girlfriend Recovery is a website that is entirely dedicated to helping men either get over their ex girlfriends or get back with them.
(Though I will admit that most of the visitors who interact with the site are interested in getting their girlfriends back (including you.))
Here’s my point.
Most of the people who I interact with have not advanced as far as you have.
In fact, a lot of them aren’t even on speaking terms with their exes.
But that’s not a problem you are having is it?
Nope, it seems like a lack of communication isn’t your problem.
No, your problem is a lack of commitment.
Anyways, I want to make sure that I am talking to the right people so I am going to put a little disclaimer for those of you who are reading.
The “No Sex” Disclaimer
If you and your ex girlfriend haven’t,
“Done the deed”
“Had A Roll In The Hay”
Ok… I am running out of euphemisms.
Let me spell this out for you.
If you haven’t had sex with your ex girlfriend AFTER the breakup then this article isn’t going to apply to you.
The strategies that I am going to outline for a commitment here apply only to this situation.
The Situation = You Had Sex With Your Ex Girlfriend After The Breakup And She Won’t Commit
Though I will say that some of the things that I am about to teach are golden and can be shaped to fit a lot of situations out there just don’t follow this advice word for word if you aren’t in this situation. I have created tons of guides for tons of different situations and have even written a book.
Ok, that’s my disclaimer.
Lets get down to business.
Why An Ex Girlfriend Who You Just Had Sex With May Not Commit
Commitment is a tricky thing.
The truth is that I have no trouble explaining to a woman why a man won’t commit to them but explaining why a woman won’t commit to a man is kind of tough.
ESPECIALLY IN THIS INSTANCE.
You see, I am a big believer in the words vs actions theory.
Words Vs. Actions Theory- If someone says something measure their actions relating to what they said and if their actions and their words match then they most likely meant what they said.
But having a woman sleep with you and not commit…
Well, that throws a wrench in the actions versus words theory now doesn’t it?
I mean, I can think of no greater act of love and commitment than sex.
So, a woman who sleeps with you and doesn’t want to be considered your girlfriend must be having some type of headwind in her mind that is preventing her from making the leap.
Oh, and in case you are new to the site you will probably hear me talk about headwind a lot.
If you aren’t familiar with the premise here is a brief explanation,
Headwind is defined as,
A wind blowing from directly in front, opposing forward motion.
In other words, if a sailor is in a boat he does not want to sail into a headwind because it’s going to prevent the boat from advancing.
The same principle applies to your ex girlfriend.
If she is facing something that is preventing her from committing to you then that “something” that she is facing would be considered the headwind.
Here are a few examples of headwind that your ex girlfriend could be facing after having sex with you that may prevent her committing to you.
Headwind #1: Determines She No Longer Has Feelings For You
One thing you will learn about me is that I am not one to pull punches.
That means that if there is bad news to deliver I have no problem delivering it.
Besides, I feel I would be doing you a disservice if I told you what you wanted to hear all of the time and you were to waste your precious time chasing after a girl who you had no chance of getting back.
So, instead of letting you fall into a depression I am going to turn a negative into a positive.
You see, most people out there who write articles like this just list out the reasons that an ex girlfriend won’t commit to you and are done with it. But I want to go a step further for you (especially in the case of this headwind.) More on that in a second.
First things first, it is entirely possible that your ex girlfriend lost feelings for you.
Why would she even sleep with you in the first place?
Maybe she was trying to verify something.
Maybe she thought that a part of her still had feelings for you and she was trying to work through that. Of course, after sleeping with you she didn’t feel anything.
I have seen this happen with my own eyes multiple times.
So, where does that leave you?
Well, there is no if’s, and’s or but’s about it.
It leaves you in a pretty shitty position.
But like I said above, lets turn a negative into a positive.
In a case like this you are better off not wasting your time. Now, obviously you can but to me the chances of success are so low that you are better off moving on.
So, what I would like to do for you is to identify some of the signs that your ex girlfriend has lost feelings for you so you know whether or not it’s worth campaigning to get her back.
The Signs Your Ex Girlfriend Doesn’t Have Feelings For You Anymore
I like keeping things simple.
I find that, that is particularly rare in today’s day and age. People always like to make things more complicated than they have to be.
So, if you are asking me,
“How do I know if my ex girlfriend doesn’t have any feelings for me?”
There are two big factors that I want you to take a look at.
Factor One: Time…
Factor Two: Effort…
Lets talk about time first.
In my opinion this is the most important factor.
How this works is actually quite simple.
If your ex girlfriend isn’t spending a lot of time with you then she probably isn’t interested in you.
Take a look at this graph,
This graph perfectly encompasses everything I am trying to say to you.
The more time that a girl spends with you the more likely it is that her interest in you will rise.
But I can see how you are confused because after all this article is talking to the men out there who have just slept with their exes and sex eats up a lot of time.
(FYI I am not saying you are a stud who can last for days at all.)
Think back to the day that you had sex with your ex girlfriend.
Chances are that you didn’t just booty call her up. No, I bet you had to work to get her into bed.
You had to spend TIME with each other.
But that graph doesn’t matter for you before you had sex. Nope, we are looking at the time she spent with you AFTER you had sex.
In other words, the graph idea I am presenting above doesn’t officially kick off until after you have sex.
So, if you find that she isn’t spending time with you at all after you slept together then that could potentially spell trouble.
Of course, there is still one other factor that we have to account for.
You see, time alone isn’t enough to determine if a woman has lost feelings for you.
Here is my proof.
What if it isn’t in your ex girlfriends nature to be mean and completely cut you out of her life? Instead, what if she just friend zones you and doesn’t put any effort into cultivating romance with you.
“But Chris… Isn’t it our job to cultivate the romance?”
Well ya… But women are supposed to as well.
This is a relationship… Both parties have to bring some romance to the table.
Those little sexy glances she used to give you… GONE
Those sexy outfits she used to wear just for you… GONE
The “I miss you’s…” GONE
The “I love you’s…” GONE
Are you starting to get the picture?
Her spending time with you doesn’t mean anything if she isn’t taking the effort to make things romantic.
Without these two things then you are nothing more than a friend that she barely keeps in touch with anymore.
And if you do manage to get her to spend time with you but she doesn’t put any effort in then you are in the friend zone.
Lets move on and talk about some of the other headwinds that she may be experiencing that are preventing her from committing to you.
Headwind #2- She Is Scared Of The Past Repeating Itself
Ah the past…
You remember that relationship that you had with your ex girlfriend that failed miserably?
Ya… it’s coming back to bite you in the ass now.
Did you know that on average a human being will have 50,000 thoughts. (source)
To me that’s an absolutely staggering number.
Now here is my question for you.
If your ex girlfriend is having 50,000 thoughts a day what percentage of them are dedicated to thinking about your relationship?
Speaking personally, I have been in situations in the past with my relationships where it seems like all I think about is the situation at hand.
So, I don’t think it’s far fetched for me to assume that your ex girlfriend is putting a lot of thought into the current state of affairs regarding how to handle you (after the two of you slept together.)
Lets just say that 15% of her thoughts in a day are dedicated to you.
That’s 7,500 thoughts…
That’s still a shitload!
Out of all of those thoughts I guarantee that she has at least had this one,
“What if I get back with him and nothing changes? What if we fight just like before? I don’t think I can deal with that again…”
And when she has this thought it worries her and compounds to create more thoughts where she is envisioning a future where the two of you get back together and history repeats itself.
All of a sudden 25% of her thoughts are dedicated to you.
10% of that 25% are bad thoughts about getting back with you.
Do you see how this is dangerous headwind?
Headwind #3- She Is Scared To Bring Up “The Talk”
Imagine something for me.
You and your ex girlfriend have just hooked up and things are great… even after the sex.
She calls you every day and it’s almost like the two of you are dating again.
There’s just one problem.
She hasn’t committed to you yet.
Well, maybe shes afraid of bringing up the talk.
Look, women are taught that MEN (Us) are the ones that have to initiate the commitment talk.
It’s like this unwritten rule in relationships.
Men initiate things and women keep things going after that.
That’s the way it has always worked.
So, why would your situation (you slept with her but she won’t commit) be any different?
Now, I am sure you have heard your fair share of stories of women pushing for a relationship after sex and I would be lying to you if I said it isn’t possible. In fact, there are a lot of women out there that break the unwritten rule and initiate “the talk” themselves and usually this is because men are too afraid to bring it up first.
But not your woman.
Look, this entire article is for women who haven’t committed to you.
So, that tells me that she isn’t going to be the one that will initiate things.
It’s going to have to be you.
Now, I am going to talk about how to have the talk a little later on in this guide so I will save my epic notes for that.
For now, lets move on to the next type of headwind.
Headwind #4- She Is Stubborn
Ah a woman after my own heart…
I have been known to be stubborn from time to time.
(Ask my wife…)
Here is the deal with stubborn people.
There are different degrees of stubbornness.
You have those people who are resistant and stubborn at first but after some time passes and they gain some perspective they are willing to change the way they think. Then you have the opposite… the people who stay stubborn no matter what and aren’t willing to back off for anything.
Obviously we are hoping your ex girlfriend isn’t that type of stubborn.
So I have some good news and bad news about “that type of stubborn.”
What would you like to hear first?
The bad news?
The Bad News
If your ex girlfriend is stubborn to the point where she won’t back down for anyone or anything I don’t know if anything can break her down.
These type of people can’t be reasoned with no matter how many incredible points you may make to them.
So that’s the bad news…
Lets get more positive now and talk about the good news.
The Good News
These type of people are extremely rare.
In fact, in all of my life I have only met one person like this… that’s how rare they are.
So, if I were a betting man I would say that your ex girlfriend is willing to change her tune about the commitment thing if she is indeed being stubborn about getting back with you.
And that is very good news for you.
The Friends With Benefits Trap
Alright, there is one more thing that I would like to cover before I start getting to the goods on how to make your ex girlfriend commit to you.
What’s that thing?
The friends with benefits trap.
Right now that is all you and your ex girlfriend are.
You are friends with benefits.
What else would you call it?
Two friends just fu*king?
Ya…. even that’s friends with benefits.
Now, at first glance to us guys it may sound like friends with benefits is kind of awesome.
Because you can sleep with other people while at the same time sleeping with your ex but lets look at the future assuming that, that happens.
Lets say that one day you meet a really pretty girl (who isn’t your ex) and you end up sleeping with her.
Now you have two women who you are sleeping with,
- The Pretty Girl
- Your Ex Girlfriend
The pretty girl (to you) was nothing more than just a girl to have fun with since in your heart you were always in love with your ex. But lets say that one day your ex girlfriend catches wind that you slept with the pretty girl.
The moment she catches wind of it your chances go from here to here,
Friends with benefits is a trap.
Realistically there are only two outcomes that can occur,
- You end your current relationship (FWB) with your ex and go your separate ways never to be friends again.
- You continue to be friends with benefits but never establish a commitment with her… the result? You just are friends without the benefits.
Did you notice that I left something out of these outcomes?
Yup, an outcome that is very unlikely to occur is that your ex girlfriend decides that she is going to commit to you in order to stop you from continuing to sleep with this other girl.
Why isn’t this likely to occur?
Most likely due to the fact that we don’t live in a fantasy world.
Being friends with benefits doesn’t usually lead to a lasting connection like Hollywood wants you to believe.
And if you are serious about winning your ex girlfriend back then the thing you are going to have to get through your head here is that continuing to have sex with her isn’t going to do the trick.
That much is evident when you look at your current predicament.
Your Current Predicament- You had sex with her, right? She hasn’t committed to you, right? BAM… that’s your predicament.
And that leads us to the moment you have been waiting for since you have started reading this guide.
How the hell are you supposed to get her to commit to you?
How To Make Your Ex Girlfriend Commit To You In This Situation
Now, I don’t want this to be all doom and gloom.
What do I mean by that?
Well, us guys have a tendency to be very hard on ourselves when things don’t go our way and we already know things haven’t gone your way.
So, here is my first piece of advice to you.
Be proud of what you have accomplished this far.
Most men who come to this site have trouble even re-establishing communication with their exes in general but that doesn’t seem to be a problem for you does it?
Nope, I would say that you and your ex have communicated a little too well.
Now, the basic advice I give to a guy who is starting out is pretty generic.
I tell him to follow the no contact rule and then make sure he has some pretty awesome text messages lined up which will ultimately lead to phone calls and then finally a date.
But you are in a very unique situation.
You are WAY past that stuff.
Take a look at the graphic below,
This graphic is meant to represent what’s supposed to happen when you use my strategies.
Obviously, “success” means that you have successfully gotten your ex girlfriend to agree to be in a relationship with you again.
But your graphic doesn’t look like that.
It looks something more like this,
Notice anything different?
Perhaps the “had sex” poorly drawn endless circle?
Well, that’s where you are right now. That poorly drawn endless circle with “had sex” in the middle of it is meant to represent an endless circle… a limbo that you can’t get out of.
Notice how it’s preventing you from getting here,
I am going to teach you a method right now that is meant to get you out of limbo land and get you into the success land.
Are you ready?
The Two Theories
There is one quote that has always stuck in my mind and it’s from Albert Einstein.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.
It’s beyond me why you would think that if you continue to sleep with your ex girlfriend that she is going to magically wake up one day and think,
“Wow, I have to lock him down immediately”
When she hasn’t done that already.
No, we need to do something drastic.
What we need to do is re-frame the way she looks at you.
You see, your ex girlfriend looks at you as the guy she can have whenever she wants. There is no challenge there… There is no mystery…. There is nothing of substance from her to gain from dating you.
That’s about to change.
You see, I think the biggest mistake that you made is the fact that you were too available for her.
While that may not be a mistake if you are in a relationship with someone it is when you aren’t.
Weird how humans work that way.
So, a lot of the strategy that I am about to teach you to get her to commit to you is going to be premised on two theories.
Theory One: We need to re-frame the way your ex girlfriend views you.
Theory Two: We need you to be more unavailable.
Lets talk about how you can satisfy theory one.
How To Satisfy Theory One
There are two things that you can do to completely re-frame the way your ex girlfriend views you and you should see an almost immediate effect.
What are those two things.
- No More Sex
- A Mini No Contact Rule
Lets talk about the no sex thing first.
No More Sex
Borrowing from my earlier point that Mr. Einstein made about insanity we need to change the game up completely. What’s more, we need YOU to be in control of this game change. Now, I am assuming that you and your girlfriend sleeping together wasn’t a one time thing.
If it was then this obviously isn’t going to work as well for you.
But if you were in a friends with benefits situation then this will work really well for you.
The key here is that YOU are the one initiating the “end” in sleeping together.
How do you do this?
Act like nothing is wrong and then when your ex girlfriend starts acting like she wants to have sex with you cut it off immediately.
And be straightforward with her.
I don’t think we should do that anymore
Now, the type of reaction you are going to get from her could be all over the place.
I have seen some women be very respectful and accept the decision to end your sexual relationship and then I have seen some women freak out and get really angry. Don’t let any reaction phase you. In fact, be very indifferent about any reaction you get from her.
You are playing mental chess here and you just made the first move. That’s all that matters.
Lets talk about your next move.
The Mini No Contact Rule
Now, the “normal” no contact rule is pretty much a “must” in the normal game plan for getting your ex girlfriend back and while there is some wiggle room on the time frame that “wiggle room” pails in comparison to the mini no contact rules time frame.
So, the goal we are trying to accomplish here is to make your ex girlfriend look at you in a different way. Right now she thinks that you are a guy that is basically her bitch.
That’s what she thinks.
She thinks that you will respond to her every text in seconds…
That you will pick up your phone the second you see her name flash across your screen…
She thinks that she has you wrapped around her finger and in a way she does. Otherwise you wouldn’t be seeking my advice but that’s besides the point.
We are about to change everything by “falling off the map” for a week.
1 Week = 7 days
So, one day she thinks she has you wrapped around your finger and then ever so slightly she is going to come to understand that nothing she does can make you respond.
She will call… you will ignore.
She will text… you will ignore once more.
She will try to contact you on Facebook…. this is just getting sad.
You want her to sit there wondering if you met someone else…
If she did something wrong…
You want her to have her own mini little freak out.
Oh, and the point of doing this isn’t to make her miss you either like you would expect.
It’s to make a statement.
The Statement = You aren’t as wrapped around her finger as much as she thinks… you aren’t as available for her as she thinks.
Speaking of availability..
How To Satisfy Theory Two
Theory two is powered by the belief that if you are more unavailable than you have been to your ex girlfriend it is going to raise her belief that you are worth committing to.
I know it seems counter intuitive but we are dealing with women here… everything is counter intuitive.
So, how can you appear to be unavailable while at the same time not being so unavailable that your ex thinks that you aren’t interested in her.
Well, that’s where the power of mixed signals comes into play.
We have women to thank for this amazing little trick. In fact this trick has become so powerful that experts who teach men to get women often cite it.
Have you ever heard of the push/pull theory?
Ya… that is totally based on the premise that mixed signals will raise a woman’s attractiveness towards a man.
So, how do the mixed signals work?
How To Successfully Implement “Mixed Signals”
There are two components to mixed signals theory.
Component One = The Positive Signal
Component Two = The Negative Signal
It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what a positive signal is versus the negative signal.
Positive = Making your ex girlfriend think she has a chance with you. Includes compliments, romantic gestures, remembering good times together
Negative = Making her think she has no chance with you. Includes standing her up on dates, not responding to her, backhanded compliments, etc
The goal here is to blend the positive and negative signals.
Pretty simple, right?
Well, that’s where this next part comes into play (and the next part is something that NO ONE talks about.)
When you first start this strategy it seems relatively easy to understand.
For every negative signal you send to your ex girlfriend you send a positive one and you rinse and repeat.
Well, lets say that you send your ex girlfriend 100 signals throughout a month.
50 are positive
50 are negative
In other words, you are at a standstill. Your ex girlfriend is still clueless as to whether you are into her at not.
That’s why the correct way to use the mixed signals strategy is to ever so subtly pull back on the amount of negative signals you send so eventually at the end you are only sending her positive signals to signify to her that you are indeed into her.
Most men make the mistake of getting caught in this limbo where they send a positive signal and then follow it with a negative one.
While that is a perfect way to start this strategy it’s not a perfect way to end it.
It’s like taking one step forwards and then one step backwards. You are essentially at a standstill.
At the end you need to be taking NO STEPS BACKWARDS.