Have you ever been ignored by a girl before?
I mean, on the one hand you want nothing more than for her to respond and on the other hand you just want to yell at her at the top of your lungs for ignoring you.
All in all it’s a pretty emotional situation.
I imagine this is how every man feels who is getting ignored by his ex girlfriend.
But what if you are trying to get your ex girlfriend back?
How do you proceed in that situation?
I mean, you kind of need to be on speaking terms with her for to agree to be in a relationship with you.
Well, that’s where this guide comes in.
You see, I wanted to create an entire guide around how to navigate a worst case scenario in which your ex girlfriend will not talk to you and I think I did a pretty good job.
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We Are Going To Start With An Assumption
In order for this page to be effective we are going to have to start operating under one assumption.
Assumption- Your ex girlfriend is completely ignoring you no matter how many times you reach out.
Now, you may be wondering,
“Why the heck are we going to start with that assumption?”
In my opinion, that is the absolute worst case scenario you can find yourself in if you are trying to get your ex girlfriend back.
Because in order to get your ex girlfriend back you have to communicate with her.
Communication is a HUGE part of relationships and without it, it will be impossible to successfully convince your ex girlfriend to get back with you.
This is important to understand because this guide is going to give you a step by step plan to follow to not only get back in touch with your ex girlfriend but to get back on what I consider to be “speaking terms.”
I have divided this guide up into four main steps,
- Understand why your ex girlfriend is ignoring you
- The push/pull theory
- Rebuilding yourself into someone worth talking to
- Tide theory (with texts)
While I can’t guarantee that your ex girlfriend will get back on speaking terms with you I will make you one promise. If you follow the advice that I have laid out in these four steps you will maximize your chances of getting back on speaking terms with her.
Lets take a look at step one.
STEP 1 – Understanding Why Your Ex Girlfriend Is Ignoring You
I personally think you learn more from your failures than you do from your successes.
So, when we operate under the assumption that your ex girlfriend is ignoring you then we can pretty much consider that to be a failure.
Now, when most men experience failure they go home with their tail between their legs defeated but that’s not going to be you. No, what you are going to do is read this section and understand what you did to make your ex girlfriend want to ignore you and you are going to take notes so history doesn’t repeat itself again.
Remember, you are going to use this section as a learning tool to determine what you did wrong.
Below I have compiled a list of the most common reasons that cause an ex girlfriend to ignore you.
Check them out!
You Annoyed Her To Death After The Breakup
This is a relatively common one and can come in the form of begging or just not knowing when to end a conversation.
Let me give you an example.
Lets pretend that your ex girlfriend and I are dating and she decides to break up with me.
Now, I don’t take too kindly to this decision so I spam her phone with text messages like these post breakup,
Not only is this needy and desperate but it is extremely annoying.
It’s no wonder that your ex girlfriend is ignoring me.
In her mind she is probably thinking something like,
“Thank god I am not with him anymore. I don’t want to talk to him ever again.”
And who could blame her?
A guy who is begging for a girl back isn’t attractive (in most cases.)
Let me make this super simple for you.
If you don’t beg, plead or act super needy after the breakup then your ex girlfriend probably won’t ignore you on purpose.
She Is Hurt By Something You Did
This one not only extends to after a breakup but also during a relationship.
For example, some of my more loyal readers know that I married the woman of my dreams,
However, just like every married couple there are times where we get into small disagreements on things (and I am usually always wrong, seriously.) When these disagreements do happen it is usually over something I said or did and for maybe half a day she will ignore me on purpose.
I hate it.
The same principle here applies to your ex girlfriend.
Maybe you said or did something during or after the relationship that caused her to be so hurt that she ignores you on purpose.
Now, what is going on in her mind during these bouts where she is ignoring you?
“I hope this teaches him a lesson so he never treats me like that again.”
Lets do a quick little role play for a second here.
Imagine that you walk in on your girlfriend flirting with some guy at a bar or better yet imagine that you log on to Facebook one day only to be greeted with a picture like this,
Something tells me that if you saw a picture like that with some random guy and your girlfriend you would be pretty upset.
I know I would be if I saw my wife taking a picture like that with some guy.
In fact, I would probably be so upset that I would ignore HER for a change.
There Were Too Many Fights
Imagine that you and your girlfriend are in the middle of a fight.
But this isn’t just any fight.
No, this is the mother of all fights.
Things are said that can’t be taken back.
Things are broken that can’t be put back together (I am looking at you household lamp 😉 .)
This is the kind of fight that lasts for days.
So, after days pass and the dust settles both your girlfriend and you are left to pick up the pieces.
There’s just one problem, your girlfriend wants a breakup.
She doesn’t want to pick up the pieces…
Upon hearing that she wants a breakup you go into a tirade,
“How can she want a breakup?” you think to yourself.
“I was so good to her..”
Weeks pass after the breakup and your every attempt to reach out to her are thwarted by her silence.
You text her… she ignores.
You call her… she ignores.
Heck, you even show up to her work… she isn’t there.
Why do you think she is doing this?
Do you think it’s on purpose?
Look, if you get into too many fights with your girlfriend or your ex girlfriend then she is going to ignore you.
I have this theory that women are mostly attracted to men that make them feel good.
You know what doesn’t make a woman feel good?
Every woman has her limit.
She Is Trying To Gain Control
I want you to take a moment to really think about what I am about to tell you.
Silence gains control
Why do you think I say that?
Well, lets look at you.
At this moment I have written around 1,277 words and if you have read every single word up until this point then I am going to assume that your ex girlfriend is ignoring you. I am also going to assume that you are very interested in getting back with her (or at the very least getting back on speaking terms with her.)
Heck, I am betting that if your ex girlfriend told you that she would get back together with you if you ran outside naked screaming “I LOVE CHOCOLATE” you would consider doing it.
That is control.
Think about it, your ex girlfriend has complete control over you.
And how did she do it?
With the power of silence of course.
Your ex girlfriend consciously ignored you and as a result you turned into a fumbling bumbling idiot chasing her around.
Isn’t it possible that your ex girlfriend consciously planned to do this?
Seriously, she may have known that you would have reacted this way if she ignored you and she wanted you to chase her around so she ignored you on purpose so that exact thing would happen.
It was all a power play on her part to gain control over you.
She Has A New Boyfriend
Ah… new love!
Isn’t it a beautiful thing?
Eh, not really if you are trying to get your ex girlfriend back.
I mean, the last thing you want is for her to find some other guy.
Unfortunately, this is a possibility that we do have to talk about.
Lets pretend Bob enters the picture with your ex girlfriend.
Oh, for those of you who aren’t familiar with “Bob” he has an interesting backstory. Basically any time I need a good example of a guy who is pretty much the scum of the earth I go to Bob. I imagine he looks a little like this,
Bob steals girlfriends…
Treats women wrong…
Oh, and my personal favorite, has no problem breaking up marriages.
(Bob is a bad guy in case you hadn’t noticed.)
Sorry, I got a little off topic there.
Lets pretend that Bob is dating your girlfriend and your girlfriend is “head over heels” in love with him.
Well, in that case she is probably ignoring you because she wants to give Bob a chance. Of course, the Bob experiment will blow up in her face but she doesn’t know that yet.
She Wants To Get Over You
Lets switch gears for a moment here.
In addition to being a bit of a guru when it comes to helping men get women back I also know a thing or two about helping men get over women.
After all, this website is called Ex Girlfriend Recovery and the “Recovery” part can stand both for recovering your ex girlfriend or recovering from your ex girlfriend.
Well, my best advice when it comes to getting over an ex is to completely cut them out of your life in every way.
Is it extreme?
Does it work?
Better than anything I have found.
Of course, it’s not like what I am talking about here is groundbreaking stuff. In fact, I am not the only one who has come up with this strategy. It may be possible that your ex girlfriend has determined that the best way that she can get over you is if she completely ignores you in every way?
While it is unlikely we cannot discount it entirely.
STEP 2 – The Push/Pull Theory
When you are being ignored by an ex girlfriend what is the first instinct that you have?
It’s to badger her with text messages, right?
Of course, the more you send your ex girlfriend messages like this the more she continues to ignore her.
Albert Einstein once said,
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.”
It is literally insane of you to think that badgering your ex girlfriend with messages like the ones above are going to suddenly make her want to talk to you when they haven’t before.
Instead, you are going to have to change your approach if you ever expect to get her to talk to you again.
This is where the push/pull theory comes into play.
What Is The “Push/Pull Theory?”
I actually can’t take credit for this idea.
In fact, I picked up this idea from the unlikeliest of places, the pickup artist community.
To be frank, I despise everything that the pickup artist community represents but even I have to admit that some of the schemes that they come up with to “pick up” women are clever.
What I ended up doing is taking one of their core ideals (the push pull theory) and slightly altering it so it can help men get their ex girlfriends back.
So, what the heck is the push/pull theory?
Think of it like this,
- Pushing = Doing things that push your ex away to make her think that you aren’t interested in her.
- Pulling = Doing things to pull your ex in. You make her think that you are interested in her.
- Pushing/Pulling = By combining these two things together you increase your value to your ex girlfriend and she is more likely to want to talk to you.
Let’s do a quick role play to further solidify the push/pull theory in your mind.
Imagine that your ex girlfriend has just broken up with you and you do what 90% of men do who want their ex girlfriends back do, you start blowing up her phone with text messages.
“Take me back…”
“I miss you…”
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah… You get the picture.
Well, your main problem is the fact that you are pulling too much. The entire push/pull scale is out of balance.
Think of it like this,
Notice how the scale is tipped too heavily on the “pull side.”
Well, this is a major issue because you need to make the scale look like this,
Do you see how the scale is perfectly balanced?
There is just as much push as there is pull.
This is what you are trying to achieve with your ex girlfriend.
Heck, the best pickup artists in the world are able to successfully balance this scale and get hundreds of women to go home with them so why the heck can’t we take a page out of their book on what it takes to fascinate a woman?
Well, when we look at the scenario you are in, in which an ex girlfriend won’t talk to you it becomes clear that the push/pull scale is out of balance for you and I am willing to bet that it is a little bit heavy on the pull side.
This means that in order to even the scale out we are going to have to incorporate a little more “push” into your strategy.
How To “Push” An Ex Girlfriend
When I talk about pushing an ex girlfriend I am not talking about physically pushing her.
If you do that not only will you NOT get her back but you will probably wind up in jail.
No, when I talk about pushing I am referring to doing things to make your ex girlfriend feel like you are disinterested in her.
Remember, we have to get the push/pull scale back in balance for you to substantially raise your chances of getting back on speaking terms with her.
Well, in my experience I haven’t found a better way to create this kind of “feeling of disinterest” than the no contact rule.
What is the no contact rule?
Put simply, for 21 – 45 days you ignore your ex girlfriend in every way shape or form. How long you ignore her depends completely on you. However, the minimum no contact rule that I typically allow is 21 days. So, keep that in mind.
If she calls you, you ignore her.
If she texts you, you ignore her.
If she does anything on Facebook, you ignore her.
If she does ANYTHING, you ignore her.
This is a full on freeze out and you can’t mess it up.
What do I mean by that?
Ok, lets pretend that you decide to do a 21 day no contact rule on your ex girlfriend to put the push/pull scale back in balance. Well, around day 14 your ex girlfriend texts you that she misses you and you break the no contact rule to respond to her.
Well, since you didn’t wait the full NC period (21 days) you are going to have to start your no contact period over from day 1.
Look, the push/pull scale has to be in balance for you to have a shot of getting back on speaking terms with your ex girlfriend. Now, I realize that I didn’t go as in-depth as you may have wanted with the no contact rule but the truth of the matter is that I have written entire articles and guides about the no contact rule so I would rather just point to those reference points so you can get more information there,
STEP 3 – Rebuilding Yourself Into Someone Worth Talking To
Right now your ex girlfriend doesn’t see you as someone worth talking to.
So, we need to change her perception by making you into someone worth talking to and the time you have during NC is ideal for that.
What do I mean when I say that though?
What does a woman look for in a man who is worth talking to?
Well, there are really three qualities that you need to consider improving in yourself,
What I would like to do now is give you a brief introduction to each of these qualities and propose the necessary changes that you will probably have to make to increase the chances that your ex girlfriend will want to talk to you down the road.
Lets start first with physical,
Quality #1 – Physical
I want you to take a look at something for me,
Out of these two physiques which one is more pleasing to the eye?
The second one, right?
Ok, now I want you to take a look at this,
Which one of these hair styles is more attractive to a woman?
The second one, right?
Last one I promise,
Which one of these men do you think is dressed better?
The second one, right?
Do you see what I am getting at here?
While there is certainly more to getting a woman to talk to you than the way you look and dress it certainly doesn’t hurt to improve your visual appeal to her.
The Teeth Principle
Imagine that you are a job interviewer who is interviewing candidates for a job.
Two candidates with the exact same resume walk in.
Both are equally suited for the job and you know they will be great at the position.
Both give the exact same answers to every single question you ask them in the interview.
However, after the interview has concluded you have determined that there is one clear cut winner.
How is this possible?
I mean, the two candidates had identical resumes and identical answers.
How can one be better than the other?
The answer = They looked vastly different than each other.
Specifically their smiles.
Interviewee one has this smile,
And interviewee two had this smile,
So, who do you think got the job?
Interviewee one, right?
Essentially the decision to hire was based off of looks. Well, the same principle applies when you are dealing with your ex girlfriend.
Assuming that you don’t just want to get back on speaking terms with your ex girlfriend but you actually want to get her back the actua act of trying to win her back is similar to a job interview.
Except instead of applying for a paid position you are applying to be in charge of your ex girlfriends love life and the last thing the she wants to do is hire someone who is going to do a bad job.
You are only hurting your chances if you don’t look and dress the part.
Just like our example above with the teeth.
You looks do matter.
So, I want you to look the best you possibly can.
Be the pretty smile, not the broken one.
Quality #2 – Emotional
There are two words that I want you to repeat after me,
This entire guide revolves around the assumption that you want to get back on speaking terms with your ex girlfriend and the worst way to do that is to freak out over every little thing that your ex girlfriend does or says.
In order to be successful you are going to have to keep your emotions and check and understand that this isn’t going to happen overnight.
A lot of you are probably starting from a point in time where your ex girlfriend is already super mad at you for whatever reason.
Understand that things aren’t going to go your way at first.
Down the road they probably will but when we first start out things aren’t going to be a little rocky.
For example, your ex girlfriend may say something indirectly that hurts your feelings.
A common example includes an ex girlfriend approaching your best friend and badmouthing you.
Oh, another one of my favorites is when she tells her little girlfriends something about you and then somehow you wind up finding out.
These types of things set most men off and they go into full rage mode and the first person in their path is their ex girlfriend.
Just understand that if anything like this happens to you your ex girlfriend is reacting to the emotions she is feeling due to the breakup and if you engage her in any way in a negative manner you are just going to reinforce the fact that she is doing the right thing by ignoring you.
Be zen about everything!
Quality #3 – Personality
When I talk about personality what do you think I am really talking about?
Do you think it’s a function of who you are inside?
I mean, when you look at the actual definition of personality it seems that, that is what I am talking about but the truth is that, that is not what I am talking about.
No, I am more talking about how your ex girlfriend perceives you when she talks to you.
Are you interesting?
Or are you the same old guy that she broke up with before?
Now, I realize that in this guide we are trying to get back on speaking terms with your ex but the truth of the matter is that once you do get on speaking terms with her you are going to have, to have something interesting to say and that is where your personality comes into play.
More specifically, that is where your ability to convey interesting ideas to her comes in.
The Cloning Theory
You’ve heard that phrase that says opposites attract, right?
Well, the truth is that opposites can attract but they don’t attract as much as someone with common interests.
For example, something tells me that if you were cloned and were able to talk to an exact replica of yourself the two of you would get along swimmingly.
Because you would know exactly what to say to interest each other.
The same principle applies here.
What you want to do is become the male version of your ex girlfriend.
I know that sounds a little weird but if you really think about it, it can work if you are smart about how you do it.
One of the most common mistakes I see from men is the fact that when they do talk to their ex girlfriends on the phone or through text messages they always steer the conversations towards things that they want to talk about.
For example, if their favorite TV show started a new season they will bring that TV show up in a conversation even if their ex girlfriend knows nothing about it.
Why on earth would an ex girlfriend want to talk about something she knows nothing about?
Instead, a better approach would be to steer the conversation into the direction of topics that only interest her.
You can accomplish this in a couple of different ways.
Way 1- Make A List
How well do you know your ex girlfriend?
I want you to take out a piece of paper and write five things down that your girlfriend likes.
Now, while my wife is not my ex girlfriend I am going to list five of her top interests so I can illustrate my point.
- She loves the movie “The Thomas Crown Affair”
- Dreamed of riding in a hot air balloon since she was a little girl
- Motivated to do well in her career
- Loves dancing (taught little kids)
- Enjoys astrology (taurus, libra, etc, you know all that kind of stuff)
Once you have a list like this you have a cheat sheet of things to talk to her about.
You can always reference this list when you are on the phone or texting with her to make sure you are “intersting” to her.
See, who says it doesn’t pay to be an ex?
Of course, that is not the only thing you can do with this list.
Way 2- Use The List To Surprise Her With Your Knowledge
Chances are that if you have written a list of five topics down there is going to be at least one topic that your ex girlfriend is interested in that you have little to no knowledge about.
Looking at the list I made for my wife above I would have to say that, that would be #4 for me.
I am not a good dancer.
In fact, I would say that I look a lot like this when I dance,
Pretty pathetic, huh?
Well, imagine if I decided to take initiative and take a professional dance course and learned to dance?
What if I kept it a secret from my wife and all of a sudden I surprised her with not only my new dance moves but my knowledge of dance.
Not only would she be shocked but she would be pleasantly surprised.
You can do the same thing with your ex girlfriend.
Imagine if you were talking to her one day and you just blew her away with your knowledge of dogs (assuming she was a huge dog lover.) I am willing to be she is going to think you have a good personality then?
Do you kind of see what I am going for with personality here?
Basically you need to interest her with not only the way you look but also with the things you talk to her about.
STEP 4 – The Tide Theory (With Texts)
So far we have talked about a lot of the ideas that go behind why your ex girlfriend won’t talk to you but I haven’t really given you a strict game plan on what to do to get her to talk to you.
That changes now in this section.
The Tide Theory is without a doubt one of the best concepts I have ever come up with but before I really get into it I would like to recap what we have covered in this guide up until this point,
- With (STEP 1) I went over the main reasons for why an ex girlfriend would ignore you after the breakup.
- With (STEP 2) I talked about the importance of the push/pull method and why the NC is the perfect way to rebalanced the push/pull scale.
- With (STEP 3) we discussed the many different ways that you can completely rebuild yourself into a man that your ex girlfriend would want to talk to.
Well, STEP 4 is really what ties everything together.
What Is The Tide Theory?
The most important thing that you have to understand is that the tide theory can only be achieved through text messages.
Because right now text messages are the most subtle form of communication I can think of.
For example, if you call your ex girlfriend it can be considered too aggressive by her.
Aggressiveness isn’t going to get you anywhere with your ex especially when you are dealing with an ex who doesn’t want to talk to you. In fact, the only way that you could even get back on speaking terms with her is if you build up enough rapport with her for her to trust you enough to let you back in her life.
So, what you need is a subtle approach that allows you to slowly but surely build trust.
This is where the tide theory comes in.
Ok, imagine that you are walking on a beach at 9 AM in the morning and the beach looks like this,
Notice how the tide hasn’t pushed the water too far up the beach yet.
Now, you being the beach bum that you are you have decided to stay on the beach the entire day.
Slowly but surely the tide very naturally carries the water deeper and deeper into the beach until by the end of the day it looks like this,
(I know the picture sucks but bear with me here.)
You were at the beach the entire day and you were a firsthand witness to the tide slowly but surely carrying the water deeper and deeper into the beach and yet you couldn’t really pinpoint exactly how it happened because it was such a gradual process.
This is exactly how you need to treat a texting conversation with your ex girlfriend.
It is a gradual process that slowly increases over time.
For example, if you were to implement this on a day by day basis it would look something like this,
Day 1- 1 text message back and forth.
Day 2- 2 text messages back and forth
Day 4- 5 text messages back and forth
Day 5- 7 text messages back and forth
I think you get the idea.
The whole principle relies on the fact that you can slowly but surely improve rapport and trust with your ex girlfriend until you are on speaking terms again. Remember though, you have to go slow with the tide theory. Your ex girlfriend has to be convinced that things are happening naturally.