So, your ex girlfriend says she wants space…
But you don’t want to give her space. No, you want to do everything in your power to win her back and if that means being aggressive then so be it. However, every single time you “crowd” her you find that your ex girlfriend keeps backing away.
“What the hell is happening?”
You think to yourself.
How can I sum this up to you so it really gets through your head?
If you want your ex girlfriend back then the the last thing you want to do is be pushy.
What do we know so far?
Well, we know that you have clearly attempted to get your girlfriend back and failed. In fact, you failed so miserably that your ex girlfriend told you that she needs space…
But what does she really mean when she says she wants space?
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What Your Ex Girlfriend Means When She Says She Want’s Space
Brace yourself because I am about to drop some serious knowledge.
Are you ready?
On average a human being will have anywhere from 12,000 to 50,000 thoughts a day.
Now, what is the first thing you think when you hear that?
Ok, I will tell you what I thought.
Wow what a discrepancy…
Nevertheless, even at the low end,12,000 thoughts a day is a lot.
Now, here is the question I want to ask you.
When a woman goes through a breakup, when it’s fresh, how many of those 12,000 thoughts a day are dedicated to thinking about the person she broke up with?
Speaking from experience, people can get a little obsessive when it comes to their breakups and it causes this interesting effect where all of their thoughts are hijacked for a while.
Lets dive a little deeper here since I want to explain why your ex girlfriend wants space from you.
Thoughts Lead To Feelings
Think about this for a moment.
When you have a thought, that thought will basically tell you how you feel.
Let me prove it to you.
I want you to think about the last time that you laughed. Oh, and I am not talking about the last time you just giggled. I am talking about CRACKING UP. The kind of uncontrollable laughter that would even make “The Joker” jealous,
Chances are that thinking of that will make you feel good.
Now, feelings are generally divided up into two categories, good and bad,
So, you have a thought and then that thought immediately gets categorized into one of the two categories above.
Ideally thinking of family should give you happy thoughts…
Thinking of an epic moment in a movie or TV show should also give you happy thoughts…
But what about a breakup?
Where does that get classified?
On the good side?
ARE YOU NUTS!
It gets classified on the bad side.
And that’s where my latest theory comes into play.
The Good Thoughts Vs Bad Thoughts Theory
I have this theory.
It’s actually relatively simple but I have found it to be true in my life.
Human beings are drawn to things that make them feel good.
In other words, human beings run towards the “good feelings.”
Of course, the opposite can be said when it comes to “bad feelings.”
We actually run away from things that make us feel bad,
So, what does this theory have to do with your ex girlfriend telling you that she needs space?
Well, think about everything I have told you so far.
Thoughts (lead to) Feelings (lead to) Running Towards/Away
Still don’t get it?
Ok, lets look at this from your ex girlfriends perspective.
There are four parts to the graphic above and it all starts with a thought.
Yup, your ex girlfriend is going to have a thought (square one) that makes her think about the breakup with you. Now, as I explained above, thoughts are very powerful as they can make you either feel good or bad. Of course, since the thought that your ex had was about the breakup it is going to make her feel bad (square two.) Now, I also explained that human beings run towards good feelings and away from bad feelings. Since this is a bad feeling your ex girlfriend is going to be inclined to run (square three.) This inclination to run is what makes your ex girlfriend say the special words, “I need space…” (square four.)
So, that’s it, right?
Ehh… Not exactly.
You may have noticed that there is an arrow pointing from square four to square one.
That arrow is very important because it starts this whole process over and over again.
How does that work?
Lets say that your ex girlfriend tells you that she wants space from you.
Well, the act of her having to tell you that gives her another thought and guess what that thought is about?
And you know what the breakup makes her feel, right?
And what do people with bad thoughts often do?
Well, they run….
Oh, and when your ex girlfriend has a need to run away from you what does she say to you?
I NEED SPACE!
Do you see how this viscous cycle works?
Now, it’s my job to get you out of this cycle because make no mistake about it, it is the one that you are in right now.
Of course, a lot of you aren’t helping with your incessant GNATTING.
How GNATS Fit Into This
So, now that you understand what is going through your ex girlfriends mind when she says,
“I want space…”
Lets talk about what you are doing to screw the situation up even more.
What does your first instinct tell you to do to salvage a situation after a breakup?
It tells you to try to fix things immediately, right?
Here’s the thing though, this is one of those situations that isn’t going to get fixed by something that you say right after it happens. Nevertheless, this fact doesn’t deter a lot of the men who come to this site. You see, they are under belief that they have some special phrase or exclamation that they can say that will make their ex girlfriend go,
“Oh my god… I miss you so much. Take me back.”
They are dreaming.
What ends up happening is that they engage in something that I like to call “GNATTING.”
I created an acronym for this.
The acronym pretty much sums it up.
A man who is a GNAT is constantly trying to text his ex girlfriend trying to “fix things.”
Maybe this would go better with an example,
There are a couple of things that I want you to take notice of here.
You definitely noticed that these texts were almost a guy begging for his ex girlfriend back but take a look at the last text.
There is some anger there when the man says,
“Fine, be that way.”
This anger is common with text gnats because often this method doesn’t work and just like when a child wants a toy at the store they throw a tantrum when they don’t get their way.
But here is the worst part about being a GNAT to your ex girlfriend.
By constantly sending her text messages you are kick-starting her thoughts on the breakup.
In other words, you are causing this to happen again,
Oh, by the way. Causing your ex girlfriend to go through this process is not a winning strategy to get an ex back.
Does My Ex Girlfriend Mean It When She Says She Needs Space?
That’s really the million dollar question, isn’t it?
Lets think logically about this.
(And in order to do that successfully we are going to have to look at this from your ex girlfriends perspective.)
Now, just so we don’t hurt YOUR feelings we are going to use a hypothetical situation with your ex girlfriend.
What’s the hypothetical situation?
Your ex girlfriend just broke up with a guy and the guy keeps pestering her. As a result of the “pestering” she gets annoyed and tells him that she needs some space. Does this work? Of course not. He continues to pester her.
Does this situation sound familiar?
It should because it’s the one your in right now. But enough of that. Lets start dissecting.
If you were your ex girlfriend in this situation what would be going through your mind.
Personally speaking I would be thinking a few things if I was your ex girlfriend.
- The guy who is pestering me is annoying
- The guy who is pestering me is unstable
- I am a little scared of this guy
Lets go down the list so you really get a grip on the mind of your ex girlfriend.
The Guy Who Is Pestering Me Is Annoying
This one isn’t really hard to explain.
You would get annoyed to if you told a child to stop screaming in the middle of a crowded store and they refused to do so. Same principle here. If your ex girlfriend is sitting there telling a guy to stop messaging her and he doesn’t do it, it’s going to be a bit annoying.
The Guy Who Is Pestering Me Is Unstable
What makes a guy unstable?
The fact that he doesn’t get the hint and that he has turned into a GNAT.
Unstable is never attractive to a woman.
Of course, a man who is unstable also causes women to have another alarming feeling.
I Am A Little Scared Of This Guy
I always think of that movie “The Sixth Sense” when I think about this.
Well, lets just say that a doctor who dedicated his life to helping mentally unstable children got a visitor one night…
One of his patients as a grown man.
The patient was only wearing underwear and carrying a gun,
Ya… he shot the doctor with that gun.
THIS is the vibe that you are giving off.
(I don’t think that you will be successful in winning your girlfriend back with this vibe.)
Now, I know what you are thinking,
“Ok, we understand this Chris but you still haven’t answered whether or not our ex girlfriends mean it when she says she needs space.”
Ah, you are very right.
YOUR EX GIRLFRIEND MEANS IT
Now, most men freak out upon hearing this and determine that they have little to no chance of succeeding in their quest to win the love of their life back. Well, that’s simply not true.
You still do have a chance of getting your ex girlfriend back but you need to do exactly as I say because we are walking a very fine line here and one misstep and you could screw the whole thing up.
Are you ready for me to teach you how to get your girlfriend back if she says she needs space from you?
Ok, the first thing you need to understand are the two approaches that men usually employ in situations like this.
The Aggressive Way Vs. The Passive Way
One of the coolest things about running a successful website in the relationship niche is the fact that I get to talk with a lot of you. And as a result of the conversations that I have had with you guys I have learned a lot about your mentality.
For example, one of the things that I have learned about you is that I can tell you right here, right now that you will have NO shot of getting your ex girlfriend back whatsoever and you will still try to get her back.
This is all fake of course (you probably really do have a good shot of getting her back) but it’s kind of impressive when you think about it.
I mean, how many people out there are willing to put this type of effort into their relationships?
The Answer = Not many.
Oh, another thing I have learned about you guys is that when a woman tells you that she needs space and you determine that you want to get her back you will try to get her back in one of two ways.
The aggressive way…
The passive way…
Which way is the right way?
Well, you will have to read on to find out.
Lets start with the aggressive way first.
What Is The Aggressive Way Of Getting An Ex Girlfriend Back Who Says She Needs Space?
In order for me to fully explain this to you we are going to have to operate under a few assumptions.
(I am going to explain those assumptions to you right now.)
Assumption #1 – Your Ex Girlfriend Told You That She Needed Space
This one is pretty obvious since it’s kind of what this entire article is about.
Assumption #2 is a bit more interesting though.
Assumption #2- You Have Read My Strategies For Getting An Ex Girlfriend Back
Why is this important to assume?
Because what I am about to talk about is something that is a little more advanced so if you haven’t read any of my books, EGR PRO or The Texting Bible I suggest you drop what you are doing right now, read them, and then come back to this article since what I am about to say next will make more sense to you.
Alright, now that we have the two assumptions out of the way lets talk about the aggressive approach.
The aggressive approach looks a little like this,
So, the main points of the aggressive approach are,
- Lots of apologizing
- Following the value chain loosely
- Being bold
- Trying to get a date right out of the gate
- Arrogant Confidence
The No Contact Rule
This is the most basic strategy for getting your ex girlfriend back. You can go anywhere on the net right now and learn about the no contact rule. Now, the way I teach the no contact rule is a lot different than most people but men who employ the aggressive strategy don’t often heed my advice and go into a hardcore no contact.
What’s a hardcore no contact?
Hardcore No Contact- The type of no contact where a man (or woman) enters and doesn’t come out until the other person contacts them after the designated day they have set. For example, if they are doing a 30 day no contact rule and their ex contacts them on day 15 then they ignore. However, if their ex doesn’t contact them until day 61 then that would be when they end their hardcore no contact.
In other words, a hardcore no contact user doesn’t believe in contacting first. They believe their ex has to contact them first.
A Lot Of Apologizing
I briefly touched on this above with my thoughts on GNATS.
Well, I am not going to lie. I have found a definite correlation between aggressive strategy users and GNATS.
Of course, we all know what happens to the GNATS of the world when it comes to ex girlfriends.
Following The Value Chain Loosely
This is kind of an involved point so you will have to read my Texting Bible to fully understand it but here is a quick crash course,
The value chain basically describes the process in which you contact your ex.
Notice how the value chain slowly intensifies as it moves from texting to phone calls to a small in person interaction and then ends with a romantic interaction.
Well, this is how the value chain is supposed to go.
Someone using an aggressive strategy doesn’t follow the value chain though.
They move from one point to the other with little regard for the process.
I kind of like a little boldness if I am completely honest with you.
This is one thing that the aggressive strategy gets right. Now, I want to be honest with you. When I talk about being bold I am not talking about asking for a date the minute you start talking to your ex girlfriend (more on that in a second.)
I am talking about little bold things here or there like building attraction in the right way.
You know what I am talking about right?
Trying To Get A Date Right Out Of The Gate
I told you that we would get to it, right?
Well here it is.
An aggressive strategy user will ask for a date ASAP.
And this is a problem when it comes to getting a girlfriend back who told you that she needed space.
YOU ARE CROWDING HER AGAIN.
How can I describe this?
Ok, this is the type of confidence that the pickup artist community types teach.
You are aware of the cocky funny routine that they are pitching, right?
Well, I think it’s arrogant and your ex girlfriend is definitely not going to find this attractive at all.
What Is The Passive Way Of Getting An Ex Girlfriend Back Who Says She Needs Space?
What is the first thought that pops into your mind when you think of the word passive?
Speaking personally, I get this strange picture of Ghandi,
The truth is that the passive way of getting an ex girlfriend back is a dumbed down version of the aggressive method of getting your ex girlfriend back.
In other words, where the aggressive method was bold the passive method is… well… passive.
Take a look at the graphic below,
So, the passive strategy includes,
- The No Contact Rule
- Self Improvement
- The Law Of Attraction
- Indirect Actions
- Indirect Actions That Influence Her To Contact You
- Takes Too Long On The Value Chain
Now, I hate re-iterating myself on things that I have already covered so I am going to save you a lot of time by not going over the parts of this “passive game plan” that is exactly the same as the “aggressive game plan.”
I am looking at you no contact rule.
Instead, I am just going to jump right to the parts that I haven’t talked about yet.
I talk a lot about self improvement on this site and in my book.
And truth be told it’s kind of a big deal…
I can tell you that it is for those men out there who use a passive game plan.
In fact, some men take it too the extreme.
Fun fact, I once had a guy contact me (via email) with a 30 day plan on how he was going to improve himself during his no contact rule. Now, I suppose that isn’t anything too out of the ordinary but what was remarkable was the fact that he created a graphic to go along with it.
It was impressive…
Anyways, self improvement is kind of a big deal for the passive game plan.
The Law Of Attraction
Please tell me you have heard about this before?
Well, then you are in for one hell of a ride.
Now, I am not one for stealing “word for word” quotes that often for Ex Girlfriend Recovery but this one is simply too good not to.
This is a word for word quote from Wikipedia,
The law of attraction is the name given to the maxim “like attracts like” which in New Thought philosophy is used to sum up the idea that by focusing on positive or negative thoughts a person brings positive or negative experiences into their life.
The Law Of Attraction is a HUGE deal for the passive game plan that men employ.
What are my thoughts on it?
Well, I am going to reserve that for later though I promise that it’s going to be good.
Where the aggressive men were overly bold the passive men aren’t very bold at all.
Given the opportunity to get their ex girlfriend back by talking to her face to face…
Well, that’s where the passivity fails.
You see, passive men would opt for indirect actions as opposed to direct actions when it comes to building attraction and that’s simply not going to cut it.
But again, I will give you my full thoughts in a second.
Taking Too Long On The Value Chain
What did I just establish?
I said that passive men often opt for indirect actions as opposed to direct ones, right?
Well, that means that when it comes to the value chain (which I posted a nice little graphic on above) the passive men take too long. Women are a hot commodity and if you wait too long they will get snatched up.
What Is The Ultimate Way Of Getting An Ex Girlfriend Back Who Says She Wants Space?
What is the better game plan to use.
The aggressive game plan?
The passive game plan?
How about neither.
There are too many flaws with both of these approaches.
You see, while an aggressive game plan (and I hate to admit this) may work on a woman who is in a more “general” breakup situation it’s probably not going to work on a woman who just told you to back off.
Oh, and the passive game plan is a little too passive.
Sure, giving a woman her space when she tells you that she needs it is probably a good idea BUT you can’t ever get her back if you give her too much space.
Fortune favors the brave and eventually you will have to get brave.
The Yin And Yang Theory
You are aware of the philosophy behind “Yin and Yang” right?
Well, then you are in for a treat.
You see, in Chinese Philosophy Yin and Yang,
Was said to describe how opposite or contrary forces are actually complimentary and interconnected.
Well, I can’t think of a better way to describe what I am about to teach you than using some basic Chinese philosophy.
You see, above I described two game plans that couldn’t be more different.
One was a little too aggressive…
And the other was a little too passive…
But what if I told you that there was a way that we could take the best aspects of each plan so that they complimented each other (just like Yin and Yang are supposed to in Chinese Philosophy) to create the perfect game plan.
A hybrid game plan that works perfectly for getting your ex girlfriend back if she told you that she needs space?
Well, let me introduce you to the Yin/Yang Game Plan,
As you can see I have taken the best parts from each game plan to create this.
Now, I am going to level with you…
I am running out of steam as I am writing this.
Ever since my wife and I have had a new addition to our family, Lilly,
I have had to stay up every single night with her just so my wife can get sleep and it prevents me from getting any sleep. As a result, I feel like a vampire as today I will have stayed up for 20 hours straight.
Now, I had an opportunity to go to bed three hours earlier BUT I wanted to make sure that I got this article out by the time the weekend started and to be honest I really do enjoy writing these articles but I am running out of steam here.
So, if it’s ok with you I am just going to cover what I find to be the most essential parts of the yin/yang game plan.
Let me point those out to you now.
And here I was hoping to go to bed.
Ok, I guess I have to cover everything.
I guess I should start in order of importance.
The No Contact Rule
This whole enchilada starts with the no contact rule.
Why is the no contact rule so essential?
Well, it is going to accomplish a few things.
The first thing it is going to accomplish is give your ex girlfriend the space she says she wants.
The second thing it is going to accomplish is give you time to implement some of the things that come from the passive side of the yin/yang circle.
Lets talk about those things now…
I forgot to mention something important.
(Sorry, running on barely any sleep here.)
If you remember way back when I was covering “the aggressive strategy” I talked about this idea of the “hardcore no contact rule” which is basically a no contact rule that doesn’t end until your ex girlfriend contacts you after your designated time frame for the no contact rule.
Ya.. that has to go.
The no contact rule isn’t meant to operate this day.
For example, if you decide that you are going to do a 21 day no contact rule then that means that on day 22 you had better start the process of going up the value chain (but more on that later.)
Lets talk about some of the things that need to be done during the no contact rule.
Self Improvement & The Law Of Attraction
The self improvement bit is pretty self explanatory and I cover it in-depth in my book.
Basically you want to improve yourself to become the best version of yourself that ever existed.
But it’s this idea of the law of attraction that really interests me.
Now, if you recall Wikipedia defined the law of attraction as,
The name given to the maxim “like attracts like” which in New Thought philosophy is used to sum up the idea that by focusing on positive or negative thoughts a person brings positive or negative experiences into their life.
If you don’t know what that means then allow me to educate you.
Now, according to people who peddle the law of attraction stuff you basically are born with a superpower.
You think something and if you believe it enough and feel the emotions in your heart then it will become a reality for you.
Let me give you a graphic to explain this,
Now, obviously there is a lot more to it than that but this is kind of the gist of it.
Sounds kind of sketchy, doesn’t it?
That’s what I thought too!
I mean, I am one of those people that has to see to believe. In other words, I am not big on faith.
(I should really work on that.)
Nevertheless, I read up about it and was trying to figure out why so many people seem to be claiming that they were having success with the law of attraction.
And I stumbled across something… interesting.
You see, people who teach “The Law of Attraction” often recommend doing intense visualization.
For example, instead of just “thinking” they want you to get into the mindset of already having achieved your goal. They wanted you to feel the feelings that you would feel and they wanted you to do this continually.
This struck me as interesting as I had once heard about the power of visualization with Olympic athletes.
You see, scientists were interested in seeing how powerful visualization in athletes was so they decided to monitor brain activity of an athlete actually competing in their sport and an athlete not doing anything but visualizing it.
Guess what happened?
Almost identical brain patterns developed.
And this got me thinking…
Technically speaking visualization is a form of practice.
It’s proven scientifically.
So, why not use the visualization aspect of the law of attraction to your advantage when trying to get your ex girlfriend back?
You have plenty of time during the no contact rule.
Value Chain… Boldness… Confidence…
I know what you are thinking…
“Chris, you just grouped these last three things together to save time didn’t you?”
BUT technically speaking they all do go together.
(More on that in a second.)
If you were to ask me to split up my overall “get your ex back” strategy into two parts then I would probably say that 50% of my strategy revolves around the no contact rule and what you do during that time you are not talking to your girlfriend and the other 50% is the value chain,
Now, I talked about the value chain above with the aggressive strategy and the passive strategy and how each of those strategies failed to properly utilize the VC to it’s fullest.
If you recall, the aggressive strategy didn’t really follow the value chain at all…
It simply rushed through the process.
Whereas the passive strategy went way too slow and took too long.
The key to the value chain is finding a happy medium somewhere in between the aggressive and passive styles.
Now, I have written how to properly utilize the value chain here so I recommend you check out that guide if you want a more in-depth look at how VC is supposed to work.
What I would like to do now is talk about where boldness and confidence comes into play here.
Boldness & Confidence And Where They Fit Into The Value Chain
If you look at the graphic of the value chain above you will notice that there are two big parts to it.
Part One: The fact that you cannot advance to the next level without first completing the level that you are in.
Part Two: In order to complete the level that you are in you need to build attraction with your girlfriend.
Lets talk about Part One.
So, with part one you have to be bold.
It’s always scary taking a risk from jumping from the comfort of texting to the uncertainty of talking on the phone and that is one area where the aggressive strategy shines. You see, men who are aggressive aren’t afraid to be bold.
They aren’t afraid to take risks.
Now, do I want you taking massive risks?
No, I want you talking calculated risks.
If you look at the value chain graphic I posted above you will notice there are only three big level jumps.
- Jump One: From Texting To Phone Calls
- Jump Two: From Phone Calls To A Small In Person Interaction
- Jump Three: From Small In Person To Romantic In Person
So, you have to be bold to make those jumps and men who are passive aren’t bold enough to make them. They are frozen by failure but fortune favors the bold.
Part two is all about confidence and that’s where build attraction comes into play.
I have yet to meet a woman who isn’t attracted to confidence in a man.
And that’s really important to put on display for your ex girlfriend.
Now, don’t be arrogant with your confidence. That’s one area where the aggressive strategy fails. It’s arrogance overrides it’s confidence.
Ok… I am out of gas now.
See you soon 😉 .