By Chris Seiter

Published on October 28th, 2021

It has happened.  Your girlfriend actually took matters into her own hands and broke up with you.  I know its seems unbelievable.  But if you are going to recover from this personally and possibly get your girlfriend back, you need to accept that something is wrong with the relationship.

Everyday I hear from guys who tell me that their girlfriend broke up with them. They are usually in some state of shock, confusion, sadness, and/or anger. You name the emotion and I bet one of my clients are struggling with it.

More often than not, you don’t see it coming.  That is why you probably are in a state of disbelief when it happens to you.  After all, you probably thought she wasn’t capable of it.  I am sure you were not prepared to hear her tell you the awful news….“I am breaking up with you.”.

Getting Over the Shock of Your Disbelief

Your first order of recovery is to accept that she has gone a different direction.  Maybe you thought you were in control and that she would never have the nerve to end things.  Perhaps you believed that if anyone was going to break up the relationship, it would be you.

But now your world feels upside down.  Your girlfriend, who was probably the closest person to you has abandoned you.  At least, that is how it feels, right?

All you can think of is her.  Maybe you want her back.  Maybe you are royally pissed off and upset. Perhaps you are confused, not to much deeply sad.  Such thoughts can dominate your every day existence.

You need to let go of that type of thinking. It is in the past. I know, it’s not easy. So certainly, allow yourself some time to grief what has happened.  But there will soon come a time where you will need to turn the corner.

The fact is something got in the way of the relationship working.  Clearly, from your girlfriend’s perspective, she was not getting what she needed in the relationship.  This is the reality and that is why she pulled the parachute on the relationship.

So now your job is to move past the shock and disbelief.  Later we will talk about some things you can do to get her back.  But honestly, right now you need to come to terms with what has happened.  And that starts with knowing what you should and shouldn’t be doing.

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What You Shouldn’t Be Doing

  1. Don’t Try to Call Her:  It would be a big mistake on your end if you think you can try to talk her out of the breakup.  You are likely to make things much worse if you try to make your case or pepper her with questions about why she ended things.
  2. Avoid Texting Your Girlfriend: All to often I see guys getting emotional and impulsive and eventually resorting to texting their girlfriend over and over again, trying to get a response or explanation.  Believe me, if you keep this up it will likely be a train wreck.
  3. Don’t Think of Her As Your Girlfriend Any Longer: The truth of the matter is your girlfriend is now your ex girlfriend and the sooner you embrace that reality, the faster you will be able to turn the corner.
  4. Avoid the Temptation of Making Things Worse:  No doubt your girlfriend wounded you. But the last thing you want to do is is antagonize her more by trying to get back by her writing her a mean letter or leaving her a nasty voice mail.
  5. Don’t Answer Her Messages or Phone Calls or Meet Up With Her:  Remember, your girlfriend took the step to end things with you.  She left and now you are miserable.  But if she should have a moment of weakness or doubt and tries to contact you, you would be better serve to ignore her.  Why?  I am about to tell you in the next section.

Here Is What You Should Be Doing if Your Girlfriend Broke Up With You

  1. Get Out of Your Head:  Often after a breakup, all you can think about is why did she do it.  You are going to recount every conversation and action and try to make sense of what went wrong.  Trust me, that is a path to personal misery.  It is never one person who is at fault when a relationship goes south.  And any emotional energy you spend trying to make sense of what happened is usually doomed for failure.  It is seldom just one or a few things.  In the future, you will likely have time to make amends.  So give yourself a break and stop mentally torturing yourself.
  2. Begin a Period of No Contact: It’s time you learn how the No Contact Rule works.  I discuss it throughout my website.  If you wish to recover and give yourself a better chance of getting your girlfriend back, then you need to embark on a new path.  And the No Contact Rule is going to help you in more ways than you ever imagined.
  3. Get Active:  It is a crushing blow when your girlfriend breaks up with you.  You will be immerse in a whirlwind of thoughts and feelings and physical pain.  You need to move.  You need to get active with whatever kind of physical exercise you enjoy.  Whether it be running, swimming, walking, biking, yoga, or any of the other activities you enjoy….just do it.  Do it for your emotional and physical health.  It will help you get in the proper frame of mind to face the weeks to come.
  4. Find An Ex Girlfriend Recovery Program:  You are not likely to do recover quickly from the breakup with your girlfriend unless you have a well reasoned, rationale game plan.  That is what I specialize in….helping guys survive their breakup and giving them the best chance of potentially getting her back.  You may feel hopeless right now since your girlfriend pulled the rug out from under you.  But there is hope and if you embrace a solid ex girlfriend recovery plan, you will be in much better shape.

 Restoring Your Belief in Yourself

It is very important you shift your disbelief and shock about what has happened in your life and embark on a journey that will restore your sense of who you are and what you want.  You can do this by embracing these three pillars of recovery.

Pillar One – Accept That your Girlfriend is Now Your Ex Girlfriend

Acceptance of the Breakup is the First Step of Getting Her Back: Ironically, as I alluded to earlier, the sooner you can move past all of the shock, confusion, anger, and even bitterness that came about as a result of your girlfriend initiating the breakup, the sooner you can begin the work of healing.  Yes, you cannot forge a healthy path forward unless  you have come to terms with the reality of how things now stand between you and her.  Now, I am not saying that you and your girlfriend are a doomed couple.  Indeed, based on our research about 43% of couples who break up end up back together again. I am just saying that you should not try to delude yourself that things will quickly go back to where they were.  They won’t.

Pillar Two – Turn Your Disbelief Into a New Belief in Yourself

Becoming a new and better version of yourself is so important.  When your girlfriend broke up and left you, it likely upset your entire sense of self.  When you were active in the relationship with your girlfriend, you did everything together.  It was as if the two of you were one.  Now that has been taken away.  You likely feel aimless and lost.  But things are far from over.  In reality, your life journey is just beginning.  Sure she is gone right now.  But you now have an opportunity to become the best version of yourself and put behind you those things you don’t like about yourself and embrace those things you do. You can do this by learning more about a very important aspect of my Program called, “The Holy Trinity”.  I discuss it at length on this website in various posts and also describe it in detail in my Program, “Ex Girlfriend Recovery Program.

Pillar Three – Have An Actionable Game Plan

Without a Strategic Ex Recovery Plan You Will Fall Prey to Folly.  As a coach to thousands of men who have suffered relationship setbacks with their girlfriend, I can tell you that your sense of disbelief and confusion over what has happened will only grow worse if you don’t have a Guide that can help you see the bigger picture.

I am not telling you that you should pretend that nothing awful has happened in your relationship with your girlfriend.  No amount of words or action planning will change what you are feeling right now.  Certainly not instantly.  I encourage all of my clients immediately following a breakup to write down their feelings.  It is healthy to get it out.  It’s not like you can run to all your friends and tell them about what happened.  Often your friends will give you all the wrong advice.

So yes, get the feelings out, but don’t wear them day in and day out.  Don’t wallow in self pity.  You have to move forward.  And you have to do it in a way so that you don’t short circuit your chances of getting your girlfriend to see you in a different light sometime later on this journey.  That is what what my Program revolves around.  It teaches you how you go about all of that and more.	

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