By Chris Seiter

Updated on October 26th, 2022

Ex girlfriends are tricky…

Especially when it comes to texting them. There is a moment right before you send a text to her where you think to yourself,

I hope to god she responds to this…

It’s certainly a fear but not a big one.

After all, she was always very responsive when you would text her during your relationship.

So, you send your text.

Screen Shot 2016-06-27 at 10.06.55 AM

As you can see it’s a pretty simple text.

On the surface it looks like you are just reaching out to her to see how she is doing.

But deep down you are testing her. Trying to see how she reacts.

This puts you on the edge of your seat waiting for a response.

Seconds turn to minutes…

Minutes to hours…

Hours to days…

And you haven’t received a response.

It’s frustrating and you want nothing more than to scream.

So, here’s my question to you.

What did you fail to take into account?


Anyone care to take a guess?



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Ok, all kidding aside the thing that you failed to take into account was the fact that things are completely different than they were when you were dating your ex girlfriend.

Back then she was almost required to respond to all of your texts but now that is a right you have to earn.

That’s where I come in.

I am going to deconstruct exactly why your ex girlfriend isn’t responding to your texts and explain exactly what you need to do to raise your chances of getting a response.

Now, the first question that probably springs to mind for you is,

“Who the hell is this guy and what qualifies him?”

It’s a valid question.

Well, I am just your friendly neighborhood Spider Man,


Ahem… No, actually what I meant to say is that I am Superman, Batman AND Wonder Woman,


Actually the truth is, is that I am a professional relationship consultant who specializes in reuniting couples who have broken up.

Over the years I have accumulated a team whose sole purpose is to help me, help you raise your chances of success.

Together my team and I have merged real life psychological principles with what we have seen out there in the world of exes.

What do I mean by that?

Well, we are always performing these little stress tests to see if our strategies are working or not. We don’t like giving out advice unless it has been proven to work before.

And that’s why most men who are trying to get their exes back prefer to come to Ex Girlfriend Recovery over our competitors.

I will give you an example.

My name is Chris Seiter and I am the founder of this site and “The Ex Recovery Team.”

I used to introduce myself to new visitors with a variation of the sentence above.

However, we decided to test and see how new users were responding to this and we found that the generic introduction wasn’t enough to capture someones attention.

Thus, we decided to start including a picture with the introduction,

Chris Seiter

My name is Chris Seiter and I am the founder of this site and “The Ex Recovery Team.”

Do you see how people would be more responsive to that?

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But I am a perfectionist and am always trying to tweak things and make them better.

So, I set out to find a way to get new users more engaged with our content and after a lot of testing we found that users seem to engage with my personality more than anything.

And since I have a HUGE god complex (not really) I figured I would introduce myself as a superhero,

Screen Shot 2016-06-27 at 10.35.52 AM

We found that users engaged with my content more after having this type of an introduction.

I mean, you are still reading, right?

And that’s what I am going to do for you. I am going to show you everything we have ever learned about making an ex girlfriend respond to you.

Every test (that worked.)

Every psychological principle (that worked.)

Basically everything around this topic that actually worked.

It’s my ultimate goal that after 30 minutes you are going to have a really great idea of what you need to do to improve your chances of making your ex girlfriend respond to your texts messages.

And I think a great place to start would be with why your ex girlfriend isn’t responding to your text messages right now.

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Why She Isn’t Responding To Your Text Messages

Generally speaking the reason for why your ex girlfriend isn’t responding to your text messages can fall into three different categories.

  1. Your Texts Not Being Interesting Enough
  2. A Failure To Position Yourself Properly (NC, Making Her Chase, ETC)
  3. The Simple Fact That She Wants Nothing To Do With You

What I would like to do now is dive in and talk about each of these reasons so you can really grasp what I am talking about.

I suppose we can start with your text messages not being interesting enough.

Your Texts Are Not Interesting Enough

I have a question for you.

Which text message do you think a woman is more likely to respond to?

This one,

Screen Shot 2016-06-28 at 9.58.59 AM

Or this one,

Screen Shot 2016-06-28 at 10.03.08 AM

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You can clearly see the difference, right?

One text message is creative and utilizes pictures where the other text message utilizes one simple word, “hey.”

This is a mistake that I constantly see men making.

They expect a response to their text messages without actually earning one and when I explain that they need to find a way to spice up their texts they fail to grasp what I am talking about here.

The truth is that women want to be entertained.

Get A Load of These Secret Text Messages!

Think of it like this.

Imagine that you are sitting in a college classroom and the professor is giving a lecture on a topic that you aren’t interested in. As the professor talks you find yourself daydreaming about other things because you are bored. Hell, maybe the lecture is boring enough that it puts you to sleep.

Now, let’s compare that to you attending something that you are interested in. Something that fascinates you. Something that really gets you excited.

Let’s say you pay to go to a concert.


Chances are that you aren’t going to fall asleep there.


Because it is something that interests you.

Texting your ex girlfriend works the same way. If you send her a one word text message then you are begging for her to not respond to you. However, if you send her a text message that is interesting you are going to significantly raise your chances of getting a response.

Look, this isn’t exactly rocket science or revolutionary.

And I think deep down you already know this which is why I want to talk about something a little more advanced.

How to make your text messages interesting.

The Elements That Can Make Your Text Messages Interesting To Your Ex


Every day I get a variation of one simple question,

“Chris, she isn’t responding to my texts. What should I do to get her to?

And oftentimes I give a very generic answer,

Make your text messages more interesting

I imagine it pisses some of you guys off since I don’t really dive into the details that you need to make your texts interesting. Well, that ends today.

I am going to be giving you those details right here, right now.

The first thing I want to say is that technically you have a big advantage in this department as compared to a man who is meeting your ex girlfriend for the very first time. What is this advantage?

You dated her so you know exactly what she likes and dislikes.

Unless you were asleep at the wheel when you were dating your ex girlfriend you should have a good idea of what makes your ex girlfriend light up.

So, here is my first little tip to making your text messages more interesting for your ex girlfriend.

Make A List Of Her Likes

Take out a piece of paper and start jotting down your memories from when you were dating your ex. Jot down everything you can think of that she responded positively to when you were dating. Now, this should be a relatively simple exercise but for some men it’s not.

We aren’t looking for a memory like that one time you got her flowers.

No, we are looking for things that she volunteered willingly without you having to do anything.

I will give you a few examples using one of my very own ex girlfriends.

  • Skydiving
  • Guitar
  • Candy
  • Jim Carey Movies
  • Religion

My ex girlfriend was fascinated with all of these things and she volunteered this information freely without me having to do anything.

So, let’s assume that I was trying to get my ex girlfriend to respond to my text messages by making them interesting and I tried this method of jotting down all of her likes.

What’s next?

Well, next you are going to find a way to incorporate it into a text message.

Now, there are two things I would like to tackle here.

  1. You can utilize this tactic to create a “first contact” text message.
  2. You can also utilize this tactic to slip an interesting text into an existing conversation.

I am going to teach you how to do both.

Of course, before I do so I suppose you have a question you have been wondering,

“Chris which is better? Using this tactic as a “first contact” or slipping it into an existing conversation.”

The truth is that we have seen success with both tactics. However, if you are going to put me on the spot then I would have to say that we have seen more success by utilizing this tactic in an existing conversation.

Here’s how you do both.

How To Use This Tactic In A First Contact Text Message

You know what a first contact text message is, right?



I get to teach you something new today.

First Contact Text Message- It’s the text that you send to start a conversation with your ex. In other words, it’s the very first text that you send to your ex.

Utilizing this tactic as a first contact message is actually really easy.

In fact, all you need to know is seven simple words,

“You won’t believe what I just saw…”

Perhaps I should be more specific.

Below I have created a graphic of a template that you can utilize to create a strong first contact text message,


Here’s how this works. Do you remember above when I gave you a list of my very own ex girlfriends “likes?”

Well, I did that on purpose because I wanted to use myself as a guinea pig so I could show you the correct way to make your text messages interesting.

Just to refresh your memory here are my ex girlfriends likes,

  • Skydiving
  • Guitar
  • Candy
  • Jim Carey Movies
  • Religion

So, if I were to use the template I just showed you my first contact text message to her would look like this,

Screen Shot 2016-06-28 at 10.53.49 AM

The real trick here is finding a way to incorporate your exes “like.” However, the great thing about text messages is that you have a lot of time to prepare. This isn’t like being put on the spot on the phone.

Let’s move on and talk about how to slip a “like” into an existing texting conversation.

How To Use This Tactic For An Existing Conversation

I always like to take a big picture perspective when it comes to text messaging an ex.

When you do this you begin to notice that each texting conversation has a different flow to it.

Sometimes this flow is easy to maintain and sometimes it’s very difficult.

For the sake of this article let’s chart a hypothetical texting flow.

Let’s say this is what is considered a “perfect flow,”

perfect flow

Ideally you want to continue to build attraction with your ex girlfriend as time goes on and eventually when the conversation flow hits a high enough point you want to end it there.

What does that accomplish?

Well, it leaves her wanting more.

I have talked about this phenomenon a lot in this article.

But here’s the thing. Life rarely ever works out perfectly.

When I show the “perfect graph” to people they immediately understand what I am talking about but what they fail to understand is that it takes a lot of work to make this upward trend a reality.

Do you see all the dots on the graph?


Those dots are meant to represent something that you do to advance the conversation or make it more interesting.

Maybe you tell a joke…

Maybe a story…

Or maybe… just maybe you use the tactic I just taught you above 😉 .

And this is where most of the men who try texting their ex girlfriends fail.

They don’t hold their interest because they aren’t continually captivating their ex girlfriends with interesting text messages.

Now, here’s the thing. I have only taught you one “interesting message” to send. You can’t send the same type of interesting text 6 more times.

No, what you need is variety which is why I would like to let you in on some of the other tactics that you can use.

Interesting Tactic One: The Picture

I have an interesting story to tell you.

On December 31st of 2015 (the last day of the year) I was at the grocery store shopping when all of a sudden my phone started buzzing.

I looked down to grab it but I accidentally missed it and I dropped it on the floor.

When I picked up my phone it was completely shattered.

Like seriously shattered.

shattered iphone

So, on January 1st of 2016 I went down to get a new phone. Of course, I decided that I wanted a new number since I was still under my families plan and there were certain restrictions with that.

Yup, at 27 I was still under my families plan.

I have had the same phone number since I was 17.

I figured it was time for a change and I wanted some of the flashier upgrades.

Anyways I got a new number and a brand new iPhone 6S Plus.

It’s pretty awesome.

But you know what isn’t awesome?

The fact that people are constantly calling my phone looking for the previous owner.

Seriously people call my phone looking for a “Cara.”

But perhaps this all culminated in a funny moment about two weeks ago when a random person sent me this exact picture,


Here is how I replied,

Funny Texts

I had to blot out this guys last name because I didn’t want to get in trouble for showing his name to the “ex recovery” world.

I thought the picture was extremely clever.

And something that most girls would definitely dig. Especially if it was hand drawn.

So, why not do something like that for your ex?

Why not hand draw her a picture and then send her something like,

Screen Shot 2016-06-29 at 10.33.28 AM

That would definitely work on your ex girlfriend especially if she didn’t know that you could draw when she was dating you.

Now, some of you may be thinking,

“But Chris… I can’t draw.”

Perfect, now you have an opportunity to learn.

Good luck!

Interesting Tactic Two: Shocking Fact

Staying in line with our blue eyed picture above I have a fun story to tell you.

My wife and I were visiting my parents with our daughter and we were at an airport. Now, if you have ever tried traveling with a child don’t do it. It’s extremely stressful and the airports don’t do anything to help you out.

Anyways, while we were standing in line with my daughter waiting to go through the hubbub where they make you take off your shoes to make sure you aren’t a terrorist a gentleman standing behind us happened to notice our daughters very blue eyes,

baby lilly

After that he told me something that I had never heard before.

I believe his exact words were,

Look at your blue eyes… You know, I think I read somewhere once that everyone with blue eyes is all descended from the same one person.

It interested me because I hadn’t heard it before.

So, after some time I ended up looking it up to see if he was just pulling sunshine out of his ass or if he was right.

Turns out, he was right.

Screen Shot 2016-06-29 at 10.46.25 AM


It’s a fascinating fact that I definitely responded to.

Now, can you imagine if you could deliver the same type of interesting fact to your ex girlfriend at some point?

A fact that would stick with her.

I mean, speaking personally I remember the guy who told me that fact really well and it’s been months after the fact.

By delivering an interesting fact like this not only will it show that you are well read but it will prove to her that you have something interesting to say outside of the normal BS guys usually spout to her.

Now, I realize this is a really engaging topic and you may want to learn more. If that’s the case don’t be afraid to check out my most comprehensive post on the topic.

A Failure To Position Yourself Properly

Let’s refocus and get back to the matter at hand,

Why your ex girlfriend isn’t responding to your text messages.

Through our own individual stress tests with the visitors here at Ex Girlfriend Recovery we have found that there is a specific process that men have to follow if they want the best results with their ex girlfriends.

That process is outlined in detail in Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO.

Of course, I figured it would be smart to give you a birds eye view of the process since its going to be important to reference for me to make the point I want to make.

the process

There are five components to the game plan that we teach.

But just knowing the components alone isn’t going to be enough.

We found that when people utilized these components out of order they saw disastrous results. Let me give you an example.

Let’s say that you were to use the no contact rule and you completed it. Except instead of advancing to text messages you were to try to get a date with your ex immediately.

In other words, you jumped from here to here,

the process copy

Do you see how that is a problem?

You basically just skipped over two very important steps.

Now, here is where things get a little more complicated.

Each one of these individual steps have steps within them.

Kind of like inception,

dream within a dream

Let’s take texting as an example.

The correct way to text your ex girlfriend after a breakup should look something like this,

texting process

And if this is done out of order everything could come tumbling down.

So, not only do you have to worry about doing things in order in the grand scheme of things but you have to worry about doing things in order on an individual step based level.

(No one ever said getting an ex girlfriend back was easy.)

And that’s where the failure to position yourself properly comes into play.

Oftentimes if you have texted your ex girlfriend out of order or failed to play by the texting rules that we set forth in PRO then you aren’t going to be getting a response from her. I know it sounds kind of goofy but statistics don’t lie.

Going against what has been proven to work can harm you.

So, here is what I would like to do for you.

I would like to talk about the most common reasons for why men find themselves out of position for when it comes to texting their ex girlfriend. That way you can know what behaviors to avoid.

I do feel like I should credit Amor, our Virtual Relationship Specialist on Ex Girlfriend Recovery,

(She answers almost all of the comments on EGR)

Screen Shot 2016-06-30 at 10.49.00 AM

I looked through the comments she answered to find these common mistakes.

Should we begin?

Mistake #1: Texting Your Ex Before Doing No Contact

When people are going through a breakup and they come to the realization that they don’t want the breakup to happen they have a tendency to want to fix everything as fast as possible.

We are a society that has gotten used to seeing instant results.

Let me give you an example.

About 20 years ago Google Maps didn’t exist and we didn’t have cell phones that had GPS’s in them. In other words, if you wanted to go some place that you had never been to before you would have to look it up on a map.

You couldn’t just whip out your phone and plot it on a map.

You couldn’t get an instant answer as to where it was.

But now you can.

I mean, all you have to do is look at the statistics of our average attention span.

It has progressively gotten less and less.

In 2000, the average attention span of an adult was 12 seconds.

In 2015 it’s 8.2 seconds.

We are needing to see results sooner and sooner and I think this has definitely played into getting an ex back.

I can’t tell you how many times I run across a man who comes to this website and wants to get an ex back as soon as possible. But we haven’t seen good success with fast strategies. In fact, when we try to speed our strategies up they lose a lot of their effectiveness.

And that leads us to the mistake of texting your ex before doing the no contact rule.

Why Is This A Mistake?

First off, I do want to say that our research has shown that 70% of the people who have used our advice successfully to get their exes back have utilized some form of no contact.

This makes it without a doubt the most successful strategy that we teach here on Ex Girlfriend Recovery.

But why does it work?

Well, no contact rule allows you to attack the breakup in two different ways.

Way #1: You Utilize Psychological Reactance

Way #2: It Allows You Time To Grow As An Individual

In case you were wondering psychological reactance refers to the fact that when human beings feel their freedoms are being taken away from them they are more likely to react in a way to get that freedom back.

In other words, if you utilize the no contact rule on your ex girlfriend she is going to feel like her freedom to talk to you has been taken away.

And how does she react to this?

Well, she is going to react in a way to get you to respond to her.

And sometimes by utilizing psychological reactance you will be lucky enough to make her miss you.

The second big benefit of using the no contact rule is the fact that it gives you time to improve or grow as an individual.

Let’s say that you looked like this during your relationship with your ex,

fat man speedo

Good looking fellow, huh?

But lets say that during your no contact rule you decide that you are going to get in the best shape of your life and after a lot of hard work you end up looking like this,

fitness model

Which “version” of you do you think is going to have an easier time at getting your ex girlfriend back?

The answer should be obvious.

Here is the point I am trying to make. If you text your ex girlfriend before you have a chance to do any of this you aren’t going to be giving her any reason to respond to your texts. Remember, you have to earn your responses.

Let’s move on and talk about the second mistake I see people making.

Mistake #2: Breaking The No Contact Rule Early To Text Your Ex Girlfriend

This mistake works a bit differently when compared to mistake #1.

With this one you decide that you want to utilize the no contact rule before you text your ex girlfriend. However, during your no contact rule you end up getting a text like this,

Screen Shot 2016-07-01 at 11.45.02 AM

Now, it should be very easy to ignore this and continue on with your no contact.

HOWEVER, you will find that everything gets amplified during no contact when it’s from your ex.

In other words, it becomes very hard to ignore this.

So, what do you do?

You end up breaking the no contact rule because you just “have to” respond to your ex.

Now, you remember above how I said that the no contact rule allows you to attack the breakup in two different ways?

Well, if you break the no contact rule early you aren’t going to be able to fulfill those two different ways and you won’t earn the right to a response from your ex.

Mistake #3: Going Too Fast Too Soon While Texting Your Ex Girlfriend

I alluded to this above when I was explaining how our process has a certain sophistication and order to it.

Do you remember this graphic by any chance?

texting process

This is how I said you should text your ex girlfriend in a perfect world.

And for the most part if you follow this template when you text your ex girlfriend you will be in pretty good shape. Where people run into problems is when they try to expedite this process.

Maybe instead of following the template they skip right from the start to this step,

texting process

That’s a problem because they are going too fast too soon.

Seducing a woman over text messages can’t be done if you don’t build up any value.

And by going too fast too soon you are skipping over all the value building text messages.

The result won’t be good, trust me.	

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