How To Get An Ex Girlfriend Back After Years Apart

I get asked a lot of questions every day here at Ex Girlfriend Recovery.

“Can I get my ex girlfriend back?”

“What do I say when I text her?”

“Is it possible to get an ex girlfriend back after not being with her for over 2 years?”

I was actually asked that last one a few days ago and I will admit that I had to stop and think for a moment.


Well, I pride myself on helping men and women in what seem like the most impossible of situations. In fact, I am reminded of the time that I actually helped a woman get her ex boyfriend back after she cheated on him. She took my advice and then a few months later she was able to not only get him back but got him to PROPOSE to her.


Now, I realize that Ex Girlfriend Recovery is a website that is meant for men who are trying to get their girlfriends back and I just referenced a woman who got her boyfriend back but the point I was trying to make is that I take a certain amount of pride in helping people who are in what seem to be like impossible to recover from situations.

That brings me to my next point.

On the surface it may seem like getting an ex girlfriend back after years apart is an impossible situation to succeed in but the truth is that there are certain strategies that you can implement to improve your chances but before I start getting into specifics I’d like to have a word with those skeptics out there who think it’s impossible.

(For The Skeptics) Do You Even Have A Chance Of Getting An Ex Girlfriend Back After Years Apart?

skeptical house

I may be in the business of helping men and women get back with their exes but I am no dummy.

What do I mean by that?

I am well aware that if you are in a situation where you are trying to get an ex girlfriend back and you have been broken up for more than a year then the odds probably aren’t in your favor of success.

So, I put this little section together for the skeptics out there who think I am just in this for the money and are just telling men what they want to hear.

If you are trying to get an ex girlfriend back after years apart then you probably aren’t going to succeed.

There, I said it…

The truth is that if you are in this situation then I want you to know that you have the odds stacked against you and it is going to take some serious commitment on your part if you are going to pull this off.

Now, what do you think I mean when I say “it’s going to take some serious commitment?”

In my experience when it comes to overcoming the seemingly impossible there are two types of people.

Hmm… perhaps I should say that there are two types of people with two types of fears.

The first person has this type of fear,

F- Face

E- Everything

A- And

R- Run

The second person has this type of fear,

F- Face

E- Everything

A- And

R- Rise

So, here is my question to you.

Out of all the men who come to this site and face resistance from their exes which type of fear controls them?

The ones who face everything and run, right?

In fact, I would say that about 90% of the men on this site have this type of fear.

The other ten percent…

Well, hopefully that’s YOU!

Anyways, I got a little off topic there for a moment.

I was talking about how if you are trying to get an ex girlfriend back after years apart you probably don’t have a good chance.

Why do you think that is?

In my opinion it has to do with time.

The Factor Time Plays Into This

no time

Have you ever taken the time to do research on how long experts say it takes to form a habit?


Well, according to Maxwell Maltz, a prominent plastic surgeon in the 1950’s it takes someone about 21 days to form a new habit.

Now, I know what you are thinking.

“How the hell does a plastic surgeon of all people come to that conclusion?”

The story is actually quite interesting.

Maltz began to notice that any time he would give someone a nose job it would take them about 21 days to get used to seeing their new face. Similarly, he also noticed that any time he would amputate a leg or arm the patient would sense a phantom arm or leg in it’s place for around 21 days until they got used to their new situation.

Pretty crazy, huh?


Recent research seems to disprove Maltz’s theory.

According to a study conducted in 2010 it takes the average person 66 days to form a new habit.

Now you probably have a pretty good idea as to why I don’t recommend the 60 day no contact rule in my system, Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO.

My theory is that if you give your girlfriend enough time she will eventually get out of the habit of thinking about you. 60 days is cutting it awfully close.

But enough of that.

Lets get back on topic here.

(I know I have ADHD a bit today.)

If you are wondering how the 66 day habit theory plays into you minimizing your chances of winning an ex girlfriend back after years apart it’s actually quite simple.

One year is equivalent to 365 days.

In theory it takes a woman 66 days to form a habit/break a habit.

Assuming you and your ex girlfriend haven’t talked to each other for a minimum of 66 days in that 365 day span then you can see that it has become quite easy for your ex girlfriend to get over you or more specifically get out of the habit of thinking about you.

In other words, the men out there who are trying to get their ex girlfriend back immediately after the breakup have this habit thing in their favor and you do not (if you are trying to get your ex back after a year or more apart.)

You are at a disadvantage.

That’s where I come in.

It’s my job to get you from point A, broken up for a year or more, to point B, back together.

Allow me to illustrate that below,


Now, I know what you are thinking?

“How the heck are you going to do that?”

You remember what I said above about how I love approaching “impossible situations” and making them possible.

Well, what if I told you that I think I have found a way to drastically improve your chances of winning your ex girlfriend back after years apart?

Is that something you think you would be interested in?

The Ultimate Game Plan To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back After Years Apart

Rather than listening to me set this entire section up with some useless fluff lets just get right down to business, what do you say?

I have taken the liberty of coming up with a very solid game plan to help you get your ex back if you have been apart for at least a year.

Take a look at the infographic below,

infographic 3

Pretty cool little graphic, huh?

Actually when I usually create these things they usually look horrible but this one didn’t turn out so bad but I am getting off topic again.

(Side Note: If I keep getting off topic you have my full permission to slap my upside the head and tell me to get back on topic.)

If you look at the graphic above you will notice that there are four main strategies that are going to be the lifeblood of what I talk about today.

In order from left to right they are,

  1. Do You Have A Chance?
  2. The Grass Is Greener Syndrome
  3. The Habit Effect
  4. Tide Theory

So, as I am sure you have guessed I am going to go down this list one by one and teach you how to master each of these things.

I guess we should just hop right to it and start with determining your chances.

How To Determine Your Chances Of Success


Above I explained that if you find yourself in a position where you are wanting your ex back years after the breakup then you have a lot of obstacles to overcome.

Well, I am very much into NOT misleading people so I figured it would be nice if I put together this little section to explain if you have a chance or not.

So, I guess the first thing I want to let you in on is my way of looking at a mans chances of getting back with his ex girlfriend.

I have had the pleasure of dealing with thousands of relationships and with those dealings comes a lot of experience. As a result of that experience I have slowly but surely began to notice trends in what were the hardest situations for an ex to succeed in.

In fact, once I began noticing these trends I began to chart them.

Once that started happening I started assigning percentages of success next to them.

For example, a general breakup would have around a 35% chance of success whereas a breakup where cheating was involved would have around a 10% chance of success depending on a number of factors.

While I would like nothing more than to assign an overall percentage for those men out there who are trying to get their ex back after a year or more apart I cannot.

Now, I know what you are thinking.

“Wait, WHAT?”

The truth is that I don’t have enough data yet to come up with a general percentage so I had to get creative.

How To Figure Out If You Have A Chance After Years Apart

no chance

The truth is that an attempt to get an ex back after years apart is very unique.

There are underlying factors that need to be taken into account.

For example,

What if your ex girlfriend is currently dating someone?

What if you haven’t talked to your ex girlfriend for at least a year?

What if you had a horrible breakup?

Things like this can either help you or hurt you depending on what those things are.

So, what I would like to do now is address each of these questions and tell you if you have a decent chance of success with regards to each of them. Again, the three factors that we are going to be looking at are,

  • If your ex girlfriend is currently dating someone.
  • If you haven’t talked to your ex girlfriend in at least a year.
  • If you had a horrible breakup.

Lets begin by talking about your exes dating habits.

If Your Ex Girlfriend Is Currently Dating Someone?

I figured I would start with the worst case scenario first since I am of the mind that I would rather have the band aid ripped off all at once first rather than one side at a time.

Just to clarify.

When I talk about your ex girlfriend CURRENTLY dating someone I am not talking about if she dated someone after you. I am talking about at this very moment right now.

Ok, now that we have that out of the way lets rip this band aid off.

Are you ready?


Ok, here it goes!

If you and your ex girlfriend broke up and it’s been at least a year and she is currently dating someone your chances of getting her back are really bad.

Do you remember what I said above about it only taking 66 days to make or break a habit?

Well, theoretically that means that it should take your ex 66 days to fully break the habit of thinking about you. In other words, she will have gotten over you in 66 days. Now, you will learn how I put a clever little twist on this habit statistic later on with the “habit effect” but for now it’s not really helping you out very much.

Now, I am not totally into crushing the hope of all men out there.

Obviously there are other factors at play that determine how serious she is about the current guy she is with that can either help you or hurt you.

Lets take a moment to look at those factors.

If She Just Started Dating The New Guy

I would say that this actually helps you as opposed to hurts you.


If she just started dating him then there isn’t a guage on how serious they are.

I mean, can you imagine if she has been dating the guy for years?

Oh wait..

That’s my next factor,

If She Has Been Dating The Guy For A Long Time

What is “a long time?”

Hmm.. I would say that “a long time” when it comes to relationships where marriage isn’t involved would have to be at least a year.

In other words, if your ex girlfriend has been dating her current boyfriend for at least a year it hurts your chances.

All in all, it’s probably not going to be a good thing if your ex girlfriend has a boyfriend.

What If You Haven’t Talked To Your Ex Girlfriend In At Least A Year

No problem…

Seriously, the strategy I am going to teach you takes this into account and will teach you the right way to re-approach talking to an ex girlfriend that you haven’t been in touch with for a long time.

Now, I know a lot of you will probably need a little more explaining about this than a simple,

“No Problem!”

So, allow me to give you a little tease into what we are going to be talking about with the habit effect.

Sometimes not talking to your ex girlfriend for at least a year can be an advantage.

Think about the no contact rule that I talk about in Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO.

While there are a lot of reasons for why I think the no contact rule is a great strategy for getting your ex back but I often describe it as a reset button.

You know the reset button on your gaming system, right?

Actually, I don’t even know if the newer systems have them anymore but back in my day with Nintendo and Sega Genesis there was a reset button that you could press and it would reset the whole console. The no contact rule can almost be compared to that.

It’s like a fun little way of erasing some of the things said during the breakup and starting over.

Now, women are obviously not gaming consoles with reset buttons but the analogy of the no contact rule will get you as close to a reset as possible.

So, if you haven’t talked to your ex girlfriend in at least a year then you have probably let enough time pass to create a really good reset where you can start over with a much cleaner slate as opposed to the men out there trying to get their girlfriends back immediately after the breakup.

What If We Had A Horrible Breakup?

Again, I don’t want to give too much away with what I am going to talk about in the habit effect section but I would like to direct you to the section above and what I talked about with the reset button.

Oh, and for those of you who are rolling your eyes about what I am saying I just want you to know that I have experience with a horrible breakup.

My very first breakup could be characterized as horrible.

You know, some people can get along with their ex after a breakup.

Some people can remain friends (or at least try to.)

Not me and my first ex…

Nope, we fought all throughout the relationship and the breakup only made the fighting more hurtful and intense. So, I totally get it when people talk about horrible breakups.

Things get said…

Hurtful things…

Heck, things even get thrown.

My point to you though is that sometimes a lot of time passing can be advantage so if you are sitting there wondering,

“Do I even have a chance if our breakup was horrible?”

My answer would be,

“Even if you ended up cheating on your ex. Time going by isn’t going to hurt you. If anything, it will help you.”

The Grass Is Greener Syndrome

here there

The grass is greener syndrome is something that hardly anyone every mentions when talking about trying to get an ex girlfriend back after this amount of time apart.

Here’s the thing.

It’s a factor…

In fact, in some cases it’s a big factor.

But first, I guess it would be a good idea for me to actually explain what GIGS (Grass Is Greener Syndrome) is.

Ok, so lets say that when your ex girlfriend was dating you a thought entered her head.

What was the thought?

“I think I can do better…”

She only had this belief for a split second but that split second soon evolved into minutes to hours to days and finally to months. Eventually she was so consumed with the thought that she could do better than you that she decided to act on it and broke up with you.

This thought that she had is at the root of the Grass Is Greener Syndrome.

The way it works is quite simple.

Either the grass IS greener on the other side or it ISN’T.

In other words, if your ex girlfriend breaks up with you and finds someone who fulfills her needs better than you did then the grass was indeed greener on the other side. However, if she breaks up with you and doesn’t find someone who fulfills her needs as well as you did then the grass was not greener.

So, ultimately there are two outcomes with the GIGS.

  1. The Grass WAS Greener
  2. The Grass WASN’T Greener

These two outcomes can definitely have an impact on your ex especially if the two of you broke up years ago.

Lets take a look at that impact.

What If The Grass WAS Greener For Your Girlfriend?

This is only the outcome if your ex girlfriend broke up with you and at some point dated someone who she felt fulfilled her more.

I have this theory.

I like to call it, Grade Theory.

You see, I believe that when women date a man they have this certain grade that they give him.

Lets assume that this grade is called the “boyfriend grade” and just like most schools now-a-day’s give generic grades like A, B, C, D, F, lets assume that your ex girlfriend has a grade for every man she has ever dated.

Whatever man she has given the best grade to is always going to be the mark to beat for the rest of her life. Now, this is where things get a little more complicated.

The final grade isn’t fully determined until the end of a relationship.

What does this tell us?

It tells us that the boyfriend grade can change from the start of the relationship to the end of a relationship.

For example, if you started out with a boyfriend grade of an A and ended with a boyfriend grade of an F then that probably means you cheated, fought a lot or did something for her to mark your score down from an A.

Why am I teaching you about the boyfriend score?

Lets explore a hypothetical situation so I can answer why this is such an important thing to grasp.

Lets pretend that your final boyfriend score ended up being a B.

After you and your ex girlfriend broke up she ended up dating three guys.

  • Guy 1 had a final score of a C
  • Guy 2 had a final score of a D
  • Guy 3 had a final score of an A

Before “Guy 3” you were the mark to beat.

However, after Guy 3 your chances are seriously going to be hindered because his score was better than yours. In other words, now when she is looking for a guy she is always going to be comparing everyone she meets to Guy 3.

Why does this harm your chances of getting back together with her?

Well, you only finished with a B. Your ex girlfriend already knows what you are all about and what you can bring to the table and in the time you were apart she found someone who eclipsed your score.

Now, the obvious question you are having at this point is how you can “up” your boyfriend score without dating her.

Don’t worry, I am going to teach you a method on how to do that with the habit effect. First though, we need to stop with the negativity and start looking at the GIGS in a positive light by looking at those situations where it can help you.

What If The Grass WASN’T Greener For Your Ex Girlfriend

I have already taught you about the meaning of the GIGS and the boyfriend score.

So, there is no need to reteach those concepts.

Lets just dive right in to how the GIGS can actually help you if you and your ex girlfriend are far removed from your breakup.

I would like to take our example above about the three guys your ex dated after your breakup to make a few points.

Again, your ex girlfriend gave you a boyfriend score of a A after your breakup. However, the three guys she dated after you had different scores than before,

  • Guy 1 had a final score of an F
  • Guy 2 had a final score of an F
  • Guy 3 had a final score of an F

Wow, F’s across the board.

You know what that means, right?

It means that every guy that your ex girlfriend dated after you was a bum. It means that YOU still hold the standard boyfriend grade that she is grading every man she meets against.

You are going to be that one guy in her past that she will always remember as the best boyfriend she ever dated.

It kinda makes getting her back that much easier…


The Habit Effect

old habits

So far there has been a lot of build up for “The Habit Effect” hasn’t there?

Well, it’s finally here.

The question you are probably wondering at this point is,

“What the heck is The Habit Effect?”

Before I get into that let me first explain the little advantage that you do have on your side if you are trying to get an ex girlfriend back after this much time apart.

Generally speaking most men try to win their exes back a few months after the breakup. You, on the other hand, are trying to win her back YEARS after the breakup.

You may not know this but there is an advantage to doing this.

Care to guess what that advantage is?

(Actually there are two advantages to it.)

Advantage One


Time is an amazing thing.

What’s the old saying?

Time Heals All Wounds

Experience has taught me that this is often true when it comes to exes.

Think about it, the biggest disadvantage that a guy trying to get his ex back immediately after a breakup has is the fact that the breakup is still fresh on his exes mind.

She is thinking about all the horrible things that were said.

She is thinking about all the times that she was so hurt that she felt like she couldn’t go on anymore.

In other words, trying to get an ex girlfriend back when the breakup is still fresh on her mind can be a disadvantage.

Above I mentioned that it takes the average human being 66 days to either form or truly break a habit. In other words, it will realistically take 66 days for an ex girlfriend to fully get out of the habit of thinking about how she was wrong, how depressed she is, etc.

The disadvantage that a man trying to get his ex girlfriend back immediately has is the fact that she hasn’t had time to really get over and forgive some of the wrongs she feels that have been done to her.

However, a man that is trying to get her back well past that 66 day mark will be dealing with a woman who has probably forgiven or at least gotten out of the habit of being so angry.

In other words, it’s true what they say.

Time heals all wounds!

Advantage Two

Lets play my favorite game of hypothetical situations 😉 .

There are two men trying to get their ex girlfriends back.

Man A


Man B

Each decide that the best way to win their exes heart back is by self improvement. In other words, becoming the type of man that is not just attractive to her but attractive to all women in general.

Using our knowledge about habits we know that it takes 66 days for anyone to form a new habit. In other words, to truly become a better version of yourself you are going to have to stay committed to self improvement for at least 66 days to see the type of change that will make an impression on an ex girlfriend.

Man A is trying to get his ex girlfriend back 30 days after their breakup.

Man B is trying to get his ex girlfriend back 380 days after their breakup.

Now, tell me.

Which man will have a better chance of blowing his ex away with how good he looks or how much he has changed (for the better?)

Man A who has only had 30 days to dedicate to self improvement or Man B who has had over a year?

Man B, right?

Sometimes it’s an advantage to not get an ex girlfriend back right away.

What Is The Habit Effect?


Above I mentioned that there are two big advantages that a man who is trying to get his ex back after a year has over a man who is trying to get his ex back immediately after a breakup.

Those two advantages are,

  • The fact that time heals all wounds
  • It allows you more time for self improvement

Well, The Habit Effect is all about creating a synergy between these two things.

Here’s the deal though.

One of the two “advantages” you have no control over and one of them you do.

Care to guess which is which?

You Have No Control Over How Your Ex Girlfriend Heals

66 days…

According to statistics it is going to take your ex 66 days of not associating you with bad feelings to get out of the habit of.. well, associating you with bad feelings. This is something that you really don’t have any control over.

How long it takes your ex girlfriend to DE-associate you with the negative feelings that go along with a breakup is completely up to her.

Just know that the average time for her to de-associate those feelings may take up to 66 days.

I would much rather prefer to look at the actionable things you can do to improve your chances of getting her back with The Habit Effect

You DO Have Control Over How Much You Improve

I am a big believer in self improvement.

I mean, look at the name of this website, Ex Girlfriend Recovery.

So, there are two ways you can look at the name of this website.

  1. This website will help you to get your ex girlfriend back
  2. This website will help you to recover from the heartache of losing an ex girlfriend

I want you to pay particular attention to that second reason.

Would you like to know what I have found is the best way to recover from a breakup?


In fact, I have helped multiple men get back on their feet after a breakup just by helping them see the fact that improving themselves only benefits themselves.

Besides, you would be shocked just how many women want their exes back after they have seen a positive change in them.

Again, it takes 66 days for a new habit to be formed so in this year away from your ex girlfriend have you spent 66 days in a row working on self improvement?

Have you take advantage of the holy trinity?

You can learn about the holy trinity here.

Tide Theory


So far I have talked a lot about what it takes to get an ex girlfriend back if the two of you have been apart for years.

What I would like to turn my attention to now is how the initial reach out to her should go.

When it comes to Ex Girlfriend Recovery and this specific situation one of the most popular questions that I get is,

“Chris, how does the process of actually talking to my ex work?”

Well, I am a big proponent of things unfolding naturally. I am also a big proponent of not overstepping your boundaries which I talk about extensively in my Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO System.

What do I mean by not overstepping your boundaries?

Imagine that you haven’t seen someone who you knew really at one point for 5 years. Then one day out of the blue this person calls you and tries to have a conversation with you for an hour. Don’t you think you’d be a little weirded out?

I know I would be.

So, here is what I propose.

Instead of running the risk of freaking your ex girlfriend out you should take things really slowly. Don’t call her up and ask her on a date right away. Commit to the slow approach by texting her, slowly building up the attraction and then you can move on to more advanced things.

And that’s why we are here.

I am going to teach you how to do things in a slow and natural manner with text messages by teaching you about something I like to call “Tide Theory.”

What Is Tide Theory?

Have you ever wondered what the correct way to text your ex is?

How to build attraction?

How to transition from one rung of the ladder (texting) to the next (calling?)

Well, that’s where tide theory comes into play.

I am a very big believer in letting things unfold naturally when you text someone.

I have always found that more often than not, the people who end up getting the best results when it comes to getting an ex back are able to make the process seamless.

They don’t look at it like a math problem like so many people out there do. They look at it like a natural interaction between two human beings.

That’s how you need your texting conversation with your ex to be, natural.

But how do you achieve this?  What is Natural?

How can you get your ex use to texting you every day like when the two of you first started dating?

I want you to think of a beautiful beach on Hawaii…

Now, a beach on Hawaii is going to have two types of tides.

  1. Low Tide
  2. High Tide

If you don’t know what a low tide and a high tide is don’t worry, this picture should explain it all,


Of course, for our visually challenged readers I will give you a quick crash course on what the tides are.

Low Tide = The water on the beach only takes up a small portion of the beach

High Tide = The water on the beach takes up a large portion of the beach

Ok, now that you are an expert on tides, lets do a little role playing.

Let’s imagine that you wake up one morning and decide that you want to go to the beach.

Oh, perhaps I should mention that you live in Hawaii (a tropical paradise), so going to the beach is a treat.

So, you get in your car and decide to stop by and pick up your best friend and the two of you make your way to the most beautiful beach you can think of.

What’s the name of the beach?

Oh I don’t know.

How about the “Chris Seiter Beach.”

Anyways, when you get there the sun is shining, hardly anyone is at the beach and the water is crystal clear.

In other words, it’s a perfect beach day.

When you walk onto the beach you notice that the water level on the beach is pretty low.

“Hmm… that’s interesting you think to yourself.”

As the day wears on you begin to notice that the water level is slowly but surely rising, but you are busy having fun with your friend to really take notice of it.

Anyways, by the end of the day you notice that the water has risen significantly.

“When did that happen?” you think to yourself.

You were at the beach all day and literally had a front row seat to the water level rising, but the rise seemed so natural that you can’t really pinpoint an exact moment where the water jumped from super low to super high.

Want to know why?

Because a moment like that doesn’t exist.

It’s a series of moments that are compounded on one another.

That is how you need to approach texting your ex.

One important element of Tide Theory is if you start out going from 0 to 60 right off the bat, you are going to fall flat on your face. You will become a bonafide Text Gnat!  You will drown in failure.

However, if you go from

0 to 5…

5 to 10…

10 to 15…

So on and so forth, until you will arrive at the proper speed for your relationship. You will find that the two of you are really clicking.  There will be balance.  The communications between you and your Ex will not feel forced.  They naturally progressed…back and forth.

Has anyone ever told you to,

“Let it happen naturally?”

My wife constantly tells me that.

Geez… I can almost hear her saying it to me now.

“Let it happen naturally…”

“Let it happen naturally…”


The truth is that phrase sort of annoys me because I don’t view the world in that way.

I am of the mind that if you do things A, B, C and D, you will get result ABCD. Perhaps I get a bit too mechanistic in my world view at times.

Do you know what I mean?

So my wife is right.

Often times, when we allow things to happen naturally…with balance and harmony…. feelings grow stronger.

(I can’t believe I am about to tell you this but what the heck. We are friends, right?)

My wife thinks that the start of our relationship was very natural.

Like how we met…

What we said to each other…

How often we texted…

How often we called each other…

You know, all that fun stuff.

Half of it was very natural, but the other half wasn’t…

She perceives it to be natural, but the truth is that I made a very conscious decision to slow things down on purpose because I wanted to make it seem more natural to her than it really was.  Maybe that is because I am self aware that I can push a bit hard at times.

This is Tide Theory at work.

So we are coming up with a game plan to make something that is supposed to happen naturally seem like it’s happening naturally, when the truth is that it’s not always that way.  Some of us are designed to streak across the sky like a comet….moving for 0 to 60 lickity split. Slow it down are your will burn out!

So let’s dig a little deeper to understand how to properly implement Tide Theory in winning back your Ex or pursuing anyone romantically for that matter.

The Power of Compounding

Are you familiar with the idea of money doubling over time?


Ok, lets imagine that this year you only earn $100 for the entire year.

OUCH, right?

Bear with me here because I promise there is a point to all of this.

Let’s say that by the next year you have doubled that money from $100 to $200.

In fact, you do this every year for the next 10 years.

  1. $100 into $200
  2. $200 into $400
  3. $400 into $800
  4. $800 into $1600
  5. $1600 into $3200
  6. $3200 into $6400
  7. $6400 into $12,800
  8. $12,800 into $25,600
  9. $25,600 into $51,200
  10. $51,200 into $102,400

At year one, you had only earned $100 a year and by year ten you have turned that $100 into over $100,000.  Wow, you think to yourself, this power of compounding is indeed powerful.

Well, Tide theory works in a similar way.  Double your pleasure, Right?

Imagine that you send your ex one text and then the next day you send them two texts and then the next day you send them four texts and then so on and so forth.  The Tide is coming in. The attraction is building.

So, the chart could look like this,

Day 1: 1 Text

Day 2: 2 Texts

Day 3: 4 Texts

Day 4: 8 Texts

Day 5: 16 Texts

Day 6: 32 Texts

Day 7: 64 Texts

And so on and so forth.

Notice how it starts off slow and then slowly ratchets up as attraction is rebuilt.

This is by design. It seems natural, right?  Wrong!  The natural Law of Attraction does not operate that way in the real physical world and certainly you should not adopt such an approach.

There is a BIG problem with the chart. It only represents one element of Tide Theory.  The tide naturally rises and comes in (i.e. the progression of your text messages increase).  But over time, the tide also will regress and go back out (the slowing down of text messages – fewer texts).

These natural powerful Tidal Forces work to your advantage.  The giving and the taking away.  It represents a main cog in the law of attraction.

Too many text message over time will sink you!   Such behavior leads to  the birth of the Text Gnat which is essentially a person who sends so many text messages that they just become addicted and annoying.

That’s why I have created another little phrase to help you with the proper implementation of Tide Theory.

Full Moon Rise

full moon

I like to call it “Full Moon Rise”. Its the great equalizer.  Just like a full moon can affect the direction of a tide, you too can strategically slow down the frequency of your texts to your Ex.

“When the moon is full or new, the gravitational pull of the moon and sun are combined. At these times, the high tides are very high and the low tides are very low.”

So think of it this way.  As the re-attraction builds, your text message frequency increases (i.e. like the tide coming in!)…..then over time you call upon the “Full Moon Rise” factor so to speak, to slow down the progression of text messages (i.e. like a tide going back out to sea).  Then you again increase the frequency of texts (slowly and naturally).  Then you again naturally slow them down.  Almost like an orgasmic experience.  The waxing and waning of your your love life.  This is the natural order.

If your texting behavior is like a comet streaking across the sky, the relationship will quickly burn out.  Too much of thing is not natural.

From a psychological perspective, you need to guard against being the comet because you will feel very excited about how things are progressing in the early days of re-attraction.  This excitement can build and impair your judgement and perspective.

If the quantity of text messages just keep increasing, you run the risk of scaring off your Ex because you are sending far too many texts as the days progress.

So if we take into account the effect of the rising “Full Moon” on the natural Tidal Forces of Romance, how might it look like if we were to chart it?

Take a look at the updated chart below,

Day 1: 1 Text

Day 2: 2 Texts

Day 3: 4 Texts

Day 4: 6 – 8 Texts

Day 5: 10 – 14 Texts

(Full Moon Rise – Wait ½ Day)

Day 6: 8 – 12 Texts

Day 7:  4 – 6 Texts

Day 8:  2 – 4 Texts

Day 9: 1 – 2 Texts

(Full Moon Rise – Wait ½ Day)

Day 10: 2 – 4 Texts

Day 11: 4 – 6 Texts

Day 12:  6 – 8 Texts

etc, etc

Do you see what I did there?  Bear in mind that this Chart is a rough representation of how the Tidal Forces might operate in winning back your Ex.  Feel free to tweak and modify as appropriate.

I basically distributed the text messages in a such a way that getting back in touch with your Ex and building rapport is a more natural process, taking into account the natural rise and fall of communication.  This give and take is especially important because attraction is optimized when your Ex is chasing you a bit…hungering for your next message.

Now, here is the coolest thing about Tide Theory.

It’s customizable.

You can customize it to your needs.

For example, maybe you feel that doubling your texts is a little too much and you would like to spread the doubling out even more.

Well, you can craft the secret sauce to fit your needs perfectly.

So, that’s it!


Written by EGR team mate

Chris Seiter

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65 Comments on "How To Get An Ex Girlfriend Back After Years Apart"

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Hello, this is a tough one.. i ended my relationship with my ex Sep 2016 after 10 years. This relationship wasn’t the best and was kinda became toxic, i cheated on my ex because i felt i wasn’t being respected or loved the way i wanted so i searched outside the relationship. Well since the breakup my ex pleaded and begged me many times to come back to her and how she could change as well, i didn’t believe it so i kept my distance. I even tried the friend approach with her as well to get myself together so… Read more »
Hi mate. My ex broke up with me many times over our 3 year relationship because I cheated and she became insecure. She broke up the final time because she found me lying however I did not cheat again despite what she thinks. It is now coming up to a year since the break up. She has been blocking and unblocking me on fb over the duration of this year. We were talking about 4 months ago but I ended it because she was trying to make me jealous. She said the insecurity made her depressed when she was with… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Ray,

that’s good that you changed.. if she’s getting curious use social media to indirectly show her your life.. just don’t date others.. continue being active in improving yourself first and in posting maybe for at least a 21 days and then initiate contact with her to slowly build rapport.

Hey, so I have been broken up with my ex for a year and 2 months. Bad breakup, but nobody cheated. Well I didn’t talk to her for 3 weeks post breakup and I got drunk and sent her an angry drunk text. After that she blocked me from everything and changed her number. Someone showed me her instagram around holloween which was 6 months post breakup. I noticed she was with a new guy. I sent her a message using an inside joke about holloween and she sent me a message saying something along the lines of “I forgive… Read more »

I also want to note that I’ve improved drastically since last seeing her. I’ve gotten 2 promotions in the last year. I’ve got a brand new car. And I’m in shape for the first time since high school. I spend my time doing all the stuff I said I wanted to do.

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

That’s good… Try this one:
How To Reconnect With Your Ex Girlfriend

Hey thanks for this. Long story short – a 2 year relationship with a horrible break up and she blocked me from everything. It’s been three years since the break up and haven’t contacted her in 1.5 years. Spent last 3 years improving and feeling like a different man. Wondering how to approach a re-connect if there’s now way to contact her except email, of which I have no idea if she sees. My main aim is to talk, see why she ghosted and if there’s any possible closure at least. Any advice on the type of email I could… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

you mean you’re still blocked?

Hi, I’ve basically been quite a terrible ex boyfriend. I broke up with my ex girlfriend in february 2016 but I’ve been quite a gnat to her after about a month later, she blocked me on everything and I would try to speak to her every two months or so since around may 2016 with long emails. I know she has dated someone else after that and I don’t know if she’s still dating someone. Basically around February 2017 is the last time I tried speaking to her and she got really angry. I also got angry after that and… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

avoid doing that because that’s chasing. how much did you improve since February and how active were you in posting?


Hello…I could use an advice. I broke with my gf with my girlfriend in november 2016… and now i am still thinking about her (what a fool, right?) The problem is i want her back, i feel that she’s the one and I don’t really know how or when to contact her. To mention that she is my college mate… should i wait for the year to be over (3 months remaining ) and then to contact??? I am lost, for real. Any advice will do ! Thanks in advance

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Mark,

how much did you improve since the break up?

Hey, So its been a year since my girlfriend and I broke up (went out for 6 months). In the beginning of the breakup it was hard because I never committed to anyone before, I just wanted to have fun. She was different and made me be in a committed relationship. So when we broke up, it was hard on me. I tried getting her back but she wanted to be friends. A month later, she started seeing someone new, and that is when our relationship went downhill. I was a jerk and flipped out on her and we lost… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Ll,

so, you’re not really apart but you’ve been friendzoned. Do you want to do the no contact rule first and then try the advice above?

I kinda did the no contact rule that’s why we recently connected. How we reconnect was kinda a coincidence. So the first time we hungout in a long time we were suppose to go to the melting pot, but then we decided to go to cheesecake after arriving there. Cheesecake was where I took her on our first date. We just recently hungout again, and we were suppose to go to pho, but we went to get sushi instead, and out of all the sushi places we’ve been to when we were together, she chose the sushi place where I… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

she might be flirting.. so, continue to build rapport slowly. Because if you go too fast, she will be protective of her relationship. Let’s say you approach it like the article below:
My Ex Girlfriend Dumped Me For Another Guy…

A year ago I broke up with my gf after 2 years together (this was the second time I dumped her, first time was for a month I was 18 and immature/inexperienced). I am now 21 and 2 months ago (after a year apart) she contacted me as she was down and felt I knew her best and wanted to meet up as just friends. I knew I wasnt fully over her romantically but I never tried to get her back because I didnt want to hurt her and wanted her to be happy without me. We then met had… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Anonymous,

yoy mean you’re going to ask her to meet up or it’s already set?

I have a bit of a unique situation I suppose, about a year ago a girl I was close friends with and I began seeing each other, sadly within the first week of us becoming romantic my brother committed suicide. This effected more than I understood, I began pushing her away, saying things I knew would keep her away from me and finding excuses to not be with her. Finally after some time she asked me what was happening in the relationship and i just couldn’t answer, but the fact was I just couldn’t open up that fully to anyone… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jason,

Oh, you chased her. Well, try to do 45 days no contact. Look like you’ve moved on and improved yourself before initiating contact and then take it slow from there. Don’t confess. Just be friendly at first.

I have an odd situation, one that is really weird. I broke up with my ex 4 years back because the relationship was getting tiring and exhaustive, it was a bad break up on her side. Within the last 3 years I thought I had moved on, probably because I was too busy with school. But this year all of a sudden I started building up feelings for her again. Keep in mind that she lived miles away from me and has blocked me from all social media. So during this year I went and surprised her, just to meet… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Cj

how much have you changed in the past three years? As in done new things that we’re not part of the school world? If she thinks you’re clingy, that means she needs to think that you’re far from that now. What kind of guy did she mention before she preferred?

Hey Chris or whomever may be reading this, I’ve reached a fork in the road. A little background on my situation: My ex girl and I dated for a month in the summer of 2014, broke up then got back together again a year later, then broke up 4 months later. She started dating someone new (who she is still with now 9 months later) after a few weeks of NC, but by that point I had stopped pursuing her all together even though I still loved her and wanted her back now just as much as I did back… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Alex,

you have to improve yourself first.. Do that for yourself and your you to have a fighting edge. Because she has to see you better than the other guy. Even if you are better than the other guy already, she has to see you better than the old you. No matter how long it takes, you have to improve first

I broke up with my ex 2 years ago due to of loss of commitment on my side,for a year we didn’t talk,only wished her happy birthday on her birthday, sometime late last year we spoke over the phone, she asked me if I miss her atall and then eventually emotions being spilled here and there,after that we had a fling went silent again, then earlier this year we started talking again and we reminded ourselves of the whole you and I forever I love you talk,I was taking things real slow not wanting to just start a relationship all… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

hi Carter,

if she has bf already, that means she’s just frienzoning you

I broke up with my ex 2 years ago because of loss of commitment on my side,for a year we didn’t talk,only wished her happy birthday on her birthday, sometime late last year we spoke over the phone, she asking if I don’t miss her atall and then eventually emotions being spilled here and there,after that we had a fling went silent again, then earlier this year we started talking again and we reminded ourselves of the whole you and I forever I love you talk,I was taking things real slow not wanting to just start a relationship all of… Read more »
We’ve been together for 2 years and it’s been 1 year since our break up we stayed friends during that time until one day I noticed that she’s avoiding me I asked her why she told me that she can’t stand me anymore because she remembers bad things that happened during our relationship.I Begged and kept on talking to her until I decided to do no contact.When I completed no contact I did noticed that she missed and we re having like nice conversation until I met after some days of no contact.And everything was great she hugged me and… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

It means she didn’t see that you changed.. You have to continue doing that even after no contact.. YOu have to have your own routine. Go to the gym and continue doing so even after nc, join classes or volunteer so you can meet new people and have new friends and then go out with them.. YOu need to have your own life so you don’t appear needy and chasing her.

We broke up 5 years ago. WE were together about 5 months. I started to think of her about a year ago. I didn’t really improved myself, but now I am back on a track and have a good job and so one… today I saw her on fb(she blocked me). I don’t know how her profile pic appeared, seriously. Do I have chance? I had 4 gf’s during this time. One relation were a big success and still kinda going on, but I keep thinking about her. ITs really hard and the biggest problem is that we live in… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Dim,

when did she block you on fb and why?

Hi okay here’s my situation i’ve been with my girlfriend for 8 months and we broke up because of a stupid love games that i did.I told her i’m sorry but she cried,blocked me and said i deserve better.Before the stupid fight, she said she wants to continue and finish her studies and ask me to wait for 5 months before she complete it and she promise me that she won’t leave me and i believe the words she said is true due she hating socializing with jerks or random guys.Okay back on 1 month after the break up i… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jo,

if it’s really that bad, then give her another month..don’t do anything that is related to the problem but continue to improve to yourself

Here is the update since my initial post on May 13th… After texting each other a few more times, I asked if I could call her to which she said yes. The phone call was nice and there was no awkwardness at all. We asked about each other’s family, had a lot of laughs, talked about our careers, and current situations. When it got interesting is when I mentioned that I now have a roommate and she responded “so do I…kinda. Well that’s a story for another time”. We ended the call (1 hour long) with agreeing to see each… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jt,

what if all those are right? That she wants to be friends to keep you as back up because you’re her way out? Are you in nc again? or you’ve been in touch again?

If they are, I guess I will find out eventually. That being said, I am prepared for it. Something she probably doesn’t realize. So if it does get to that point I can confront her about it but I’ll cross that bridge if we get to that point. We have been in contact since. For my own closure, I told her the past is the past and if she’d like to keep in touch, I’m ok with that. I got to tell her how much I hurt her which is something I always wanted to do. Since then I told… Read more »

sorry, meant to say I got to tell her how much SHE hurt me.

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Yes, you need to act based on what you know.. if it looks you’re a back up then it’s better to just move on.

Here is my situation… 2 years ago, the then love of my life left me after 3 years together. The reason for her leaving was fuzzy at best and while what she told me probably had truth to it, it wasn’t the only reason I am sure. I think it was a combination of things and surely involved GIGS. We were very close and in the weeks leading up to the split we were actually looking at engagement rings. The previous months prior to the break were a little difficult as I could tell she was pulling away. A fear… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jt,

let’s say she’s just being friendly so that at least you’re safe.. think of it that way and then work your way to build more rapport and attraction through texting, then move to calls later on and then meet ups..

Thanks for the quick response Amor. I am looking at it as being friends for sure if only to protect my heart. I actually didn’t text her over the weekend. I am a little gun-shy due to the fact that she broke my heart so bad even if I do still have feelings for her. I never thought I would be in this situation. It’s nerve racking. I guess it’s just hard for me to reach out to her first after getting so hurt (even if she doesn’t realize how bad she hurt me). My question is when or if… Read more »
Hi Chris & Amor… Great article! Thanks so much for writing and posting it. Right now I feel like I need all the help I can get. So I’m 38 and my ex is 41. We were together for about 10 amazing months, up until I broke up with her last May. We were getting very serious; very much mutual love, deep respect, great communication. However, I was still getting over a bad divorce from several years ago, and was unable to commit to her in the ways that she was asking. She wanted us to move in together, and… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jim,

nope.. don’t do any of those.. and the truth is, you need to do no contact again after that.. You have established you’ve moved on for her to be open to start as friends.. and that’s what you have to convey at first, only friends.. But to be honest, it’s going to be hard, because at the back of her head, she would think you’re doing it to get her back. So, you have to be really busy during no contact and active in posting.. I think you should do 45 days..


I need advice me and this girl dated when we were young and things just weren’t right and we separated it’s been 6 years now and we hung out the other night but now she won’t ecen talk to me I don’t know what to do I want her back

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi John,

How did you get reconnected again?

Hi! I’ve got some questions about this topic. My ex gf and I broke up a year and 7 months ago, since then the NC rule has been carried out by several months, then we spoke a bit or came across in the street, then silence again. Yesterday I purchased the Texting Bible and tried to make the first contact, and there was a neutral response, something like this happened: -Hey! I just remembered you this morning! +why is that? -Well, I had to go to the city’s new bus station early this morning and I remembered when I used… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Giorgio,

actualky that’s a positive one..are you still texting?

Hi sir.. im new here. im come here, bcuz my girl and i broke up, about 1 year and 3 months.. No communicaton. The reason of our break up. Is because she is afraid that im goin to hurt her again. She told me that lik 4 days ago.. she visit our house, to give some gift for my nephew, And we talk a bit. (Our first convo. After year of break up) She told me she has a boyfriend 1 year and 1 and a half months. I ddnt even ask, she just said it then she told me… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

HI Mark,

Did you do no contact?

Emmanuel Calton
Chris, I dated my girl January- March of 2013 while it was short, I truly loved her(I still do). I was a junior in high school then (16) I am now a sophomore in college (19). I did not completely kill communications though, over the almost 3 years we’ve been in little contact, maybe quickly and casually text even if only asking a question or saying happy birthday but that is it, no true conversation. Shes only been with one guy seriously since myself and he mistreated her, myself, I have been with two girls who just could not measure… Read more »

my girlfriends broke up with me over 6 months ago. i wrestled in high school and cut weight and it mad me an asshole to her. she dated another guy after me and they just broke up. never stopped having feeling for her. now i realize what i did wrong, and i know how to treat her with respect and treat her like she’s the most beautiful girl in the world.

Hey Chris, I just bought your book (literally just then) the situation is my ex broke up with me about 3 months ago, we were only dating for 6 months, not long I know. My question is do you think I still have a chance? We both had terrible child hoods, she suffers from anxiety and depression and I have complex PTSD and severe separation anxiety. everything was going really well, until worked amped up, I started doing 14-16 hours a day, 6 days a weeks, she work on my only day off. We literally only saw each other in… Read more »

To continue my comment, we did the on and off thing for about 2 months, and when she dropped the lets be friend line and I said I could, I went to leave and she held me, held me tighter then she has ever held me and wouldn’t let go for nearly half an hour

Hey Chris, really appreciate what you did here with your website. It’s helped me immensely. If you have time i could use some sound advice. With my ex for 7 years, had 2 kids (4 and 2). Didn’t treat each other the best and one day she went to a stay and doe and the next day came home and said she had met someone and kicked me out of the house and a month later moved in with this guy, with my 2 kids.. now i can say with honestly we both still care about each other, i can… Read more »
A girl
Hi. I’ve been reading through your girl version of this website, but I didn’t see the equivalent guide on there, so I was wondering if this is applicable for a girl trying to get her ex BF back after being broken up for over a year? We’ve been broken up for almost 2 years, but have been in contact the whole time (never more than 2 weeks of no contact). I guess you could say we are a bit more than friends (without benefits! we’ve been on a several dates since the initial breakup, but no commitment). I’m thinking a… Read more »
Hi! My ex-girlfriend and me broke up almost 2 years ago. We was engaged, but I had several problems in my company and I asked her to wait for get married. She went crazy. Started to think that I was putting her at 2nd place in my life and then, she went to the church and schedule the wedding date with out Consulting me. I said no, cause my financial problem and asked her to wait 6 months, but we start to fight and she broke with me. Was a very hard situation, and then we never had a good… Read more »
Hey man, My ex and I have been apart for a little more than 2 months now. The reason we broke up is very very clear. During the majority of our relationship I had a drug dependence/addiction that stemmed from a sports injury suffered in college that led to the end of my college wrestling career. Now this girl stuck with my through countless relapses and always stood by my side for the countless times I went through withdrawal. With addiction comes much lying and deceit. On top of that, I had caused many many emotional problems, and damaged her… Read more »
Hey Chris, Me and my ex girlfriend broke up several months ago, but until today there is some kind of “connection”. Even though things got really bad some times during these months, I started reading your articles trying to find a solution. Well, 3 weeks ago I started NC. A week ago she met a friend of mine. She started asking him if I talk with my friend, how I was, if I talk about her, and if I said anything specific the last time I met her downtown. I didn’t react at all to the news, but I was… Read more »
Hey Chris, Me and my girlfriend broke up 3 weeks ago. It was over something really dumb, but it might have been important to her. Well fast forward I kinda fell down on my luck and got depressed(Had several things going on). Prior to a week ago we was kinda on speaking terms as friends. I had a weak moment and sent her a letter telling how I felt about everything. I guess that sent her over the edge because when I tried to contact her she just went completely cold on me. Told me we had nothing to talk… Read more »
I have an odd situation that pertains a bit to the article. My ex and I broke up back in Feburary. We didn’t speak for 7 weeks then when night I asked to talk to her mainly so I could apologize for mistakes I had made. (party way too much neglecting her) This was also my last semester in college. Long story short we tried again, and lasted another 2 months. The spark for her wasn’t there like it was the first time and we decided to break up, and to be honest I had a lot of trust issues… Read more »

I should also mention she has seen me out with other women, and seen girls leaving my room in the morning.