What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExGirlfriend Back?

My Ex Girlfriend Texted Me, Should I Text Back?

It’s funny, no matter how you slice it men are always obsessing about the rules of texting when it comes to an ex.

I’ll get questions like,

Chris, how do I respond if my ex girlfriend texts me?


Hey, I have no clue what to do if my ex girlfriend texts me, Help!

And you want to know the funny thing. In the grand scheme of things the rules of texting matter a lot less than you think. A few days ago I wrote a pretty interesting article that talked about this idea of creating a confluence of events.

Essentially, I have theorized that in order to get your ex girlfriend to agree to take you back you have to create a series of events that push her towards that decision and it just so happens that text messaging is one of those events that has to occur but it isn’t the only event. In fact, I’d go as far as saying that there are other, more important events that have to occur first.

What Are These Other Events? 

I suppose the answer to that question depends on your ex girlfriend but generally speaking, according to our research, four big events have to occur.

If you can successfully get all of these events to occur, in the right way, then you have a really good shot of getting your ex girlfriend back.

Of course, since this article is tailored towards texting, specifically what to do if she texts you first, we are going to be focusing on this aspect of the “confluence”

Notice how it’s not the first event to occur. No, that would be the no contact rule where you essentially ignore your ex girlfriends texts but I have already created a gigantic article outlining what to do during that event.

So, from this point on I am going to operate under the assumption that you have successfully completed the no contact rule and are transitioning to event two, text messaging.

Texting Her The Right Way

Lets pretend that you have completed the no contact rule and almost on que your ex girlfriend texts you, should you reply?

Of course!

But you have to respond in the right way.

Now, I can sit here and tell you to say this or that but ultimately I think you are going to get more out of understanding what you are shooting for.

Consider the difference between how a conversation with your ex girlfriend is going to go right now and how it would go before you were dating.

Right now a texting conversation you are going to have with her is going to be a little awkward. Both of you are going to be dancing around the gigantic elephant in the room, the breakup. However, before the two of you dated and were getting to know each other every conversation seemed exciting. It’s almost as if you were watching your favorite movie for the first time.

You were excited to text her, she was excited to text you and out of that excitement attraction was building.

What we are shooting for here is to recapture that feeling.

But how?

How can we recapture it?

Well, when most men hear me say this they take it as a challenge to hit on their exes or to say this super suave thing that is going to make her panties drop.

But the reality is that, that doesn’t work, especially not on your ex.

Pickup artists will have you believing that if you “kino” or “play hard to get” (see the no contact rule) she’ll be attracted to you again but in my experience that is completely false. Getting your ex to fall for you again revolves around one simple concept.


One of my favorite movies to quote is High Fidelity where the protagonist says,

What really matters is what you like, not what you are like.

Here’s a fun little clip just hammering that point home,

Ultimately human connection is what we are all craving and if you can find a way to connect with your ex again on many different levels you are going to be in business.

Think back to when you and your ex first met. Something tells me everything was exciting because you were forming these connections for the first time.

I want you to find a way to recapture that.

Tap into those emotions and you are going to be well on your way to having her back.

Ok Chris, I totally get that but how? How can I do that?

Great question.

Honestly, I think the best way for me to answer that is to actually take a look at a few real life text messages that you might get from your ex girlfriend when she reaches out to talk to you.

Lets begin with something easy,

My Ex Girlfriend Texted Me Asking How I Am

For those of you who may be a little confused as to how that looks it is going to look a little something like this,

So, your ex texts you”Hey, how are you?”

These four simple words have so much meaning behind them and to be completely honest this is the text message that I think you are going to most likely get at some point after a breakup.


Well, it’s because she is probably legitimately curious as to how you are and she is probably struggling with the breakup herself.

Misery loves company after all.

But how do you respond to it?

Well, if the ultimate goal is to find a way to connect with her I say you do something right off the bat to get her engaged and interested in continuing a conversation with her. Lets just pretend for the sake of this example that your ex girlfriend is a huge music fan.

I’d probably attempt something like this,

Notice how I quickly answer her question and immediately jump into finding a way to engage her into a conversation.

Pretty cool, right?

But actually what arguably worked the best was including a picture.


Well, it is a visual cue that naturally draws the eye down the page which will then force her to read everything before it, ensuring it actually gets read.

It’s a nifty little trick I’ve learned over my years.

What If My Ex Just Texts Me “Hey?”

For those of you who aren’t “in the know” a “hey” text message looks like this,

The “hey” message is indicative of having an ex girlfriend who has the intent to talk to you but lacks the courage to compose a more lengthy text message.

It’s best to treat women who send you messages like this as very shy people because that is essentially what is at the root of the intention.

So, how should you respond to a “hey” message.

Well, usually I go into this long winded speech about “mirroring” her behavior to get her to invest a little bit more but I think in this particular circumstance the best way to approach it isn’t by doing that. Instead, it’s by doing something to make her believe that you were thinking about her a little bit.

Something like this should do,

There is a lot going on here.

Notice how I didn’t go right for the kill by saying, “Wow, I was just thinking about you.” Instead, I included the mind reader bit.

Why do you think I did that?

Well, I did it because I wanted her to become intrigued and invest a little more than just a “hey” into the series of text messages.

Granted, all I got back was a question mark but that question mark means that she is a little more interested in hearing my response than she originally was and then once I have her more invested that is when I reward her with a little insight into my psyche.

What If My Ex Girlfriend Texted Me Good Morning? 

This is another common text message that you can expect from her.

It looks like this,

So, what is going on here.

Why would she text you good morning?

Human beings are creatures of habit and assuming that you aren’t too far removed from your breakup she may have gotten used to the two of you messaging first thing in the morning.

Out of all the text messages that she could send to you I would say that this is the best.


Because having her send this to you is basically an indirect way of having her say,

I am very interested in talking to you today. So much so that I decided to text you the first thing in the morning.

I suppose the only question that remains now is how do you respond to this.

Well, I would say that out of all the text messages this can require the most straightforward response but if you’ve learned anything from me it’s that I don’t think you should ever be straight forward when you text your ex girlfriend. On the contrary, I think that you should aim to always be interested.

Here is how I would attack this.

I decided to use the good morning text and incorporate it by bridging the gap to a “dream I had.” This text works so well because not only is it interesting but it creates such a curiosity within your ex girlfriend that she just has to find out what you were dreaming about.

My Ex Girlfriend Texted Me Happy Birthday

Generally when I am answering this question I am answering it in the context of having an ex wish you a happy birthday during the no contact rule and I think I have made my position on if you should respond pretty darn clear.

(You shouldn’t)

But if you’ll remember we are operating under the assumption that we have already successfully completed the no contact rule and she is wishing you a happy birthday when you will actually be able to respond.

But what should you say back?

Hmm… decisions, decisions.

There are a lot of different routes you can go here.

But I am a fan of going with the make her feel like she is at the birthday route. So, whenever you actually do have your birthday party take pictures and videos and find a way to make her feel included.

The end result you are trying to achieve here is getting her to look and say,

Man, I really miss him. I wish I was there.

If you can get her to think that then you are well on your way.

What Did I Miss?

So, I am going to do something a little different today.

So far I have listed out the four most common things an ex girlfriend will reach out to you with via a text message. Now, while this may be a lot for some sites I don’t think that it’s an all encompassing post by any means.

So, here is what I propose.

If your ex girlfriend reaches out to you by saying something that isn’t listed here. Let me know about it.


Well, so I can update it and list out what I think you should say back to it or even if you should say anything back to it.

Oh, and don’t be afraid to comment because you are going to get a response.

I’d like you to meet Amor,

Amor helps me answer the comments on this website. My goal is to make sure everyone who asks a question here gets answered. Yes, sometimes I will admit that we can be a bit slow to get around to answering but no matter what we always get around to answering your question.

So, if you think of something that isn’t listed here don’t be shy about leaving it in the comments and Amor will answer you and I will come back later and add it to the article.

We are all in this together after all!


Written by EGR team mate

Chris Seiter

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20 thoughts on “My Ex Girlfriend Texted Me, Should I Text Back?”

  1. Michael

    January 13, 2018 at 3:32 pm

    Hi, my LTR girlfriend left me on Christmas (we were months away from moving together), in the last months the relationship was getting cold and we weren’t interacting much because we would fight a lot (I am stressed with work and I was lashing on her I must admit). Well I panicked when this happened, made all the mistakes, begging, crying… you name it, I did it twice, on the same day and 2 days after. Then tried no contact and broke it like an idiot (I lasted 3 days, I texted with her for her birthday), after that I broke no contact again (5 days) because I had a ton of messages of her telling me how much she loves me but she cannot take me back because I am mean to her and she is happier without me but she needs time to think and gave herself (without me even replying at first) 2 days to decide because she found a new guy.

    So she replaced me but then she sent me this huge text of how much she loves me but cannot take me back? The next day she texted me again and we had a talk where she decided not to be with me but she wants to keep her friendship and talk, I told her that I wasn’t interested in it and today I woke up 4 AM message of her of some funny meme(which I won’t reply to).

    I kind of want her back but it sounds a bit impossible, she moved on from me, I don’t think she cheated but she had the guy lined up and that makes me really sad. Is there a chance? Should I do no contact from now? Or is it too late? I mean I probably broke every rule from this site already.

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      January 16, 2018 at 1:37 am

  2. Jay

    January 4, 2018 at 8:49 am


    My ex girlfriend broke up with me a few weeks before her birthday. I began the no contact rule and decided to not text her on her birthday. A week later she texted me saying “I think we should talk. We should have a discussion.” I did not reply to that either. 3 weeks later it was Christmas and then obviously New Years. Neither of us made contact during the holidays as I extended the NC stage passed the usual 30 days. Now I have been set on accepting the break up but after almost 5 years together I still love her and would love to get back together. However, she said some pretty hurtful stuff when we broke up and throughout the relationship her insecurities led to many fights that each time left me heartbroken. Yea we were loyal to each other but her temper was incredibly vicious and I think it’s because she knew how much I loved her and always tried to reconcile because I was convinced I wanted to marry her. I stuck to the NC rule this time so strongly so she could see that she couldn’t let her temper run wild and expect me to come back everytime. My question really is what the meaning behind the “I think we should talk.” Text. Yes it’s been over a month since she sent it but everyday I think about what her intentions were even if it’s such a while ago. Please know when she was “sane” she was amazing and I loved her madly. But I couldn’t keep accepting the raging temper.

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      January 12, 2018 at 6:14 pm

      Hi Jay,
      it’s hard to say what it was really about but I think she started missing you at that point and maybe wanted to offer to be friends.

  3. Paul

    December 30, 2017 at 1:55 am

    Hi, My ex-girlfriend broke up with me 2 months ago because we kept fighting and she got hurt a lot. The relationship was toxic. We still would communicate sometimes after the breakup. Over a month later I found out she started dating again, so I got in a fight with her. Again. After this last fight she blocked me on all social media accounts which lead to us having no contact for 23 days. Let me jus mention that she’s best friends with my sister and she’d still come over to our house like once a week. Minimum. I talked to her after 23 days because I found out she broke up with the guy she was dating. But she still hasn’t forgiven me yet. We communicated for a few days. I even gave her a Christmas gift. She also had one for me. But we still get into fights BECAUSE i kept asking her to forgive me. Yesterday morning I found out that she and the other guy are still texting & calling each other. So I thought I should go back to NC. Just when I did, she suddenly unblocked me and started chatting a lot and she says she wants us to be friends. I did what you guys wrote here and I replied saying “I appreciate the offer, but I’m not emotionally stable for that right now. Then she sent me a long last night saying I’m weak because I couldn’t do it and that I shouldn’t be too emotional about it. Then she adds that she’s forgiven me and that if she can muster up the strength to forgive me then I should also be capable to be just friends with her. Oh. And she’s saying I shouldn’t push myself to her and that I’ll be able to find someone else. Haven’t replied to her.

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      December 31, 2017 at 7:30 pm


      That’s good that you didn’t reply to her.. Stick to at least 30 days of nc and just be civil with her if you ever bump into her or avoid being in the house on the day she goes there.

  4. Mando

    December 7, 2017 at 5:30 am

    Hi, my girlfriend just friend zoned my last night. I really love her what shall I do? I’m expecting here to text me asking for some work assignments help, shall I respond or start the NC from now?

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      December 7, 2017 at 9:09 pm

  5. Grengar

    December 4, 2017 at 11:01 pm

    My ex girlfriend said she sees no chance of us getting back together due to the fact that she knew me for a long time and only sees me as a friend.
    I tried the NC rule on her for a good 2 days but she keeps on texting me and ranting to me about her problems.
    I feel like an asshole if I don’t reply so I try and reply with simple answers but not too dry.
    What should I do next?
    Should I walk away and be her friend? Is that going to help me get her back?

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      December 7, 2017 at 8:52 pm

      Hi Grengar,

      send a clean slate message and then restart nc.. check this one:
      My Ex Girlfriend “Friend Zoned” Me… What Do I Do?

  6. Ricci

    November 27, 2017 at 7:25 am

    I’m starting the no contact rule today.. and my ex messaged me asking if I hate her. I didn’t reply to her message. Several minutes later she messages again saying “ Okay gotcha. Sorry.” Then again several minutes later she messages “hello?” I broke up with her6 days ago. And she said she still loves me but thinks we shouldn’t get back together till we’re in the same country because we fight over the same things.. she said that because I tried to get back with her… should I still continue the NC rule? What do I do? Thank you!

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      November 29, 2017 at 4:39 pm

      You already tried to get back with her, so yes, just continue 30 day nc unless she says she wants to get back together

  7. Rich

    November 27, 2017 at 12:03 am

    Hi! So I broke up with my girlfriend 6 days ago because of the way she would speak to me. It was somewhat degrading and I didn’t really like that.. So we broke up and she told me she’s not gonna force me to be with her and she loves me so much and she’s gonna try to betterherself for me. Since then she would message me at least once a day or at least try to make contact by liking one of our old pics on Instagram.. 3 days later though, I get weak and ask for her back.. she said that it would be better if we don’t get back since we’d be fighting about the same things since we are still doing long distance and have been doing it for a year. The reason we fight is mostly because I don’t like it when she hangs out with her exs.. I’m 100% not comfortable with it because These guys tried to get back with her last year. And she slept with one of them before she and I got back together.. she’s also pretty uptight with me not wanting me to hang out with certain people in my life.. so she thinks we shouldn’t get back together since the root of the problem hasn’t changed yet.. she still tells me she loves me and when she sees my stories on Instagram she wants to know where I am.. she’ll be back here in the same country as me in 20 days. What should I do? I honestly want her back. But I want her to realize as well that there’s a proper way to talk even when we’re arguing. Thank you so much!


    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      November 29, 2017 at 3:28 pm

      Hi Rich,

      If you dont sort it out after your talk, start the nc period..

  8. Thomas

    November 26, 2017 at 1:56 am

    After three months of no contact (we’ve been broken up for about six months), my ex sends me a text that says “Hope you’re doing well..I think about you often”. I sent her a letter three months ago stating my feelings for her and that I would not contact her unless she contacted me first. That was the last time we communicated until now. I waited a day to reply so that I wouldn’t say anything stupid…we ended up having a brief text conversation full of small talk. That was a week ago. I’m trying to play it cool, but I want to ask her why she texted me. What should I do now??

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      November 29, 2017 at 3:39 pm

      Hi Thomas,

      If you want to build rapport, better to just take the opportunity instead of asking for now..

  9. J.

    November 24, 2017 at 1:00 pm

    Hi there,
    My Ex recently sent me a Holiday text after NC for 45 days. The situation was I broke up with her due to her being emotionally unstable, mentally abusive towards me due to a death in the family. I was as supportive as I could have been but then her mental state started to take a toll on me. Thats where I decided to break up, I never wanted to break up, but I was no longer happy or even emotionally stable myself. In the text she starts off by wishing me a happy holiday and that I probably don’t want to have anything to do with her (Not true, never said that) but that she was grateful for the memories and everything we had together. Even tho things didn’t turn out the way she’d like, but that she is just thankful for the journey together. And that the past few months have been the most difficult, lowest, worst, hardest, thing to deal with and that it broke and beat her to the ground. She states I didn’t deserve the person she was and that it was to much for us and hopes nothing but the best for me and how truly sorry she is, for what she put me through. (Now my thoughts and actions) were I was angry? Disappointed? I think? i just had woken up and immediately and impulsively called her. She picked up. I told her i got her text but i don’t know what to say, but it wasn’t easy to read (feel dumb saying that cuz i don’t want to sound emotional or act impulsively on emotion) she updated me a little on what was going on, i just listened, but didn’t say much, i told her we’ll talk later and that I need to go get ready and see family. She understood and we ended the phone call. How I feel: I guess i’m relieved she reached out first and said all that, but i never expected that even tho i had read the NC rule on many different articles before and was pretty sure i would never hear from her again, and i thought she hated me. But I just wanna get your perspective on this. or what i should say? or call her back or just messages? i did message her sleeping? but it was already late. so thats it so far.

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      November 25, 2017 at 4:34 am

      Hi J,
      Start with texts first..

  10. Gary

    November 23, 2017 at 5:56 pm

    Hi there,

    Thanks for these articles. i have a question.

    Ive been in NC for around 18 days now. Not fully, because when my gf moved out (we lived 3 years) back to her home country we had a lot of admin stuff to sort out like selling furniture, deposit, cancelling bills, etc. Knowing this will be an issue, I tried to remain very cold during those conversations.
    In between these conversations she has messaged me a few times with emotional texts to which I didn’t respond. When we broke up we sort of spoke that we should revisit our relationship again in December, when she comes back for a week to visit her friend. She is coming back in 2 weeks, what should I do? Should I continue with NC or start texting/phone calls before she actually arrives? Because that’s when we will probably have a face to face.


    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      November 25, 2017 at 4:27 am

      Hi Gary,

      If your nc ends before she arrives initiate contact