It’s funny, no matter how you slice it men are always obsessing about the rules of texting when it comes to an ex.
I’ll get questions like,
Chris, how do I respond if my ex girlfriend texts me?
Hey, I have no clue what to do if my ex girlfriend texts me, Help!
And you want to know the funny thing. In the grand scheme of things the rules of texting matter a lot less than you think. A few days ago I wrote a pretty interesting article that talked about this idea of creating a confluence of events.
Essentially, I have theorized that in order to get your ex girlfriend to agree to take you back you have to create a series of events that push her towards that decision and it just so happens that text messaging is one of those events that has to occur but it isn’t the only event. In fact, I’d go as far as saying that there are other, more important events that have to occur first.
What Are These Other Events?
I suppose the answer to that question depends on your ex girlfriend but generally speaking, according to our research, four big events have to occur.
If you can successfully get all of these events to occur, in the right way, then you have a really good shot of getting your ex girlfriend back.
Of course, since this article is tailored towards texting, specifically what to do if she texts you first, we are going to be focusing on this aspect of the “confluence”
Notice how it’s not the first event to occur. No, that would be the no contact rule where you essentially ignore your ex girlfriends texts but I have already created a gigantic article outlining what to do during that event.
So, from this point on I am going to operate under the assumption that you have successfully completed the no contact rule and are transitioning to event two, text messaging.
Texting Her The Right Way
Lets pretend that you have completed the no contact rule and almost on que your ex girlfriend texts you, should you reply?
But you have to respond in the right way.
Now, I can sit here and tell you to say this or that but ultimately I think you are going to get more out of understanding what you are shooting for.
Consider the difference between how a conversation with your ex girlfriend is going to go right now and how it would go before you were dating.
Right now a texting conversation you are going to have with her is going to be a little awkward. Both of you are going to be dancing around the gigantic elephant in the room, the breakup. However, before the two of you dated and were getting to know each other every conversation seemed exciting. It’s almost as if you were watching your favorite movie for the first time.
You were excited to text her, she was excited to text you and out of that excitement attraction was building.
What we are shooting for here is to recapture that feeling.
How can we recapture it?
Well, when most men hear me say this they take it as a challenge to hit on their exes or to say this super suave thing that is going to make her panties drop.
But the reality is that, that doesn’t work, especially not on your ex.
Pickup artists will have you believing that if you “kino” or “play hard to get” (see the no contact rule) she’ll be attracted to you again but in my experience that is completely false. Getting your ex to fall for you again revolves around one simple concept.
One of my favorite movies to quote is High Fidelity where the protagonist says,
What really matters is what you like, not what you are like.
Here’s a fun little clip just hammering that point home,
Ultimately human connection is what we are all craving and if you can find a way to connect with your ex again on many different levels you are going to be in business.
Think back to when you and your ex first met. Something tells me everything was exciting because you were forming these connections for the first time.
I want you to find a way to recapture that.
Tap into those emotions and you are going to be well on your way to having her back.
Ok Chris, I totally get that but how? How can I do that?
Honestly, I think the best way for me to answer that is to actually take a look at a few real life text messages that you might get from your ex girlfriend when she reaches out to talk to you.
Lets begin with something easy,
My Ex Girlfriend Texted Me Asking How I Am
For those of you who may be a little confused as to how that looks it is going to look a little something like this,
So, your ex texts you”Hey, how are you?”
These four simple words have so much meaning behind them and to be completely honest this is the text message that I think you are going to most likely get at some point after a breakup.
Well, it’s because she is probably legitimately curious as to how you are and she is probably struggling with the breakup herself.
Misery loves company after all.
But how do you respond to it?
Well, if the ultimate goal is to find a way to connect with her I say you do something right off the bat to get her engaged and interested in continuing a conversation with her. Lets just pretend for the sake of this example that your ex girlfriend is a huge music fan.
I’d probably attempt something like this,
Notice how I quickly answer her question and immediately jump into finding a way to engage her into a conversation.
Pretty cool, right?
But actually what arguably worked the best was including a picture.
Well, it is a visual cue that naturally draws the eye down the page which will then force her to read everything before it, ensuring it actually gets read.
It’s a nifty little trick I’ve learned over my years.
What If My Ex Just Texts Me “Hey?”
For those of you who aren’t “in the know” a “hey” text message looks like this,
The “hey” message is indicative of having an ex girlfriend who has the intent to talk to you but lacks the courage to compose a more lengthy text message.
It’s best to treat women who send you messages like this as very shy people because that is essentially what is at the root of the intention.
So, how should you respond to a “hey” message.
Well, usually I go into this long winded speech about “mirroring” her behavior to get her to invest a little bit more but I think in this particular circumstance the best way to approach it isn’t by doing that. Instead, it’s by doing something to make her believe that you were thinking about her a little bit.
Something like this should do,
There is a lot going on here.
Notice how I didn’t go right for the kill by saying, “Wow, I was just thinking about you.” Instead, I included the mind reader bit.
Why do you think I did that?
Well, I did it because I wanted her to become intrigued and invest a little more than just a “hey” into the series of text messages.
Granted, all I got back was a question mark but that question mark means that she is a little more interested in hearing my response than she originally was and then once I have her more invested that is when I reward her with a little insight into my psyche.
What If My Ex Girlfriend Texted Me Good Morning?
This is another common text message that you can expect from her.
It looks like this,
So, what is going on here.
Why would she text you good morning?
Human beings are creatures of habit and assuming that you aren’t too far removed from your breakup she may have gotten used to the two of you messaging first thing in the morning.
Out of all the text messages that she could send to you I would say that this is the best.
Because having her send this to you is basically an indirect way of having her say,
I am very interested in talking to you today. So much so that I decided to text you the first thing in the morning.
I suppose the only question that remains now is how do you respond to this.
Well, I would say that out of all the text messages this can require the most straightforward response but if you’ve learned anything from me it’s that I don’t think you should ever be straight forward when you text your ex girlfriend. On the contrary, I think that you should aim to always be interested.
Here is how I would attack this.
I decided to use the good morning text and incorporate it by bridging the gap to a “dream I had.” This text works so well because not only is it interesting but it creates such a curiosity within your ex girlfriend that she just has to find out what you were dreaming about.
My Ex Girlfriend Texted Me Happy Birthday
Generally when I am answering this question I am answering it in the context of having an ex wish you a happy birthday during the no contact rule and I think I have made my position on if you should respond pretty darn clear.
But if you’ll remember we are operating under the assumption that we have already successfully completed the no contact rule and she is wishing you a happy birthday when you will actually be able to respond.
But what should you say back?
Hmm… decisions, decisions.
There are a lot of different routes you can go here.
But I am a fan of going with the make her feel like she is at the birthday route. So, whenever you actually do have your birthday party take pictures and videos and find a way to make her feel included.
The end result you are trying to achieve here is getting her to look and say,
Man, I really miss him. I wish I was there.
If you can get her to think that then you are well on your way.
What Did I Miss?
So, I am going to do something a little different today.
So far I have listed out the four most common things an ex girlfriend will reach out to you with via a text message. Now, while this may be a lot for some sites I don’t think that it’s an all encompassing post by any means.
So, here is what I propose.
If your ex girlfriend reaches out to you by saying something that isn’t listed here. Let me know about it.
Well, so I can update it and list out what I think you should say back to it or even if you should say anything back to it.
Oh, and don’t be afraid to comment because you are going to get a response.
I’d like you to meet Amor,
Amor helps me answer the comments on this website. My goal is to make sure everyone who asks a question here gets answered. Yes, sometimes I will admit that we can be a bit slow to get around to answering but no matter what we always get around to answering your question.
So, if you think of something that isn’t listed here don’t be shy about leaving it in the comments and Amor will answer you and I will come back later and add it to the article.
We are all in this together after all!