Using The No Contact Rule (Everything You Need To Know)

I have talked a lot about the no contact rule on this website yet I have never really written an in-depth guide covering it. Well, that mistake ends today as this is going to be the most complete guide ever created on the no contact rule.

(FYI, there are a lot of incredible guides out there on the no contact rule so I definitely have my work cut out for me.)

I guess I want to start off by saying that this guide is going to be very unique in that I have never quite written anything like it before for this website.

What do I mean by that?

Well, this website is called Ex Girlfriend Recovery meaning that it is mostly focused on helping men get their ex girlfriends back (or even helping them get over their ex girlfriends.) Thus, all of the pages on this website up until this point have been applicable to men attempting to get their ex girlfriends back.

The reason that this guide is unique is that the no contact rule is a universal rule that can be used by both men and women. Thus, the information that I am providing on this page can be applied by both men and women in their relationships.

Of course, this site is made for men so there will always be a bias towards situations in which a man is trying to win his ex girlfriend back but if you are a woman who somehow ended up on this page please don’t be scared away because of the bias. Remember, the no contact rule is a universal rule that you can use for your situation too.

Is The No Contact Rule All I Need To Get My Ex Back?

There is a common misconception that I see all too often on this site. A lot of my readers make the mistake of believing that completing the no contact rule is all that they need to do in order to win their exes affections back.

While the no contact rule is an essential part of the “get your ex back” process but it’s not everything that you have to do in order to be successful. In fact, I would say that just by completing the no contact rule you are only through half the battle. I mean, wouldn’t it be weird to expect that your ex would want you back after you ignored them for a certain amount of time?

No, often times you have to reconnect with them after no contact, re-build trust, re-build attraction and go on a few dates before they are ready to re-commit to you.

Will this guide teach you how to do that?

No, I am just focusing on the no contact rule with this guide but don’t panic yet. I want you to know that I have your back when it comes to getting your ex back. So much so that I wrote up a 30,000 word guide that pretty much walks you through the entire process of winning an ex back.

I call it, Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO.

If you are curious as to how this entire process of winning an ex back works then I highly recommend you read up on it through Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO.

Why You Should Listen To Me About The No Contact Rule

very carefully

I find that every expert out there has a different definition for how they define the no contact rule. Which expert is right?

Why me of course 😉 .

All kidding aside, my definition of the no contact rule has actually changed from when I first started my little online project of helping men and women get back with their exes a few years ago. You see, when I first started advising people I only knew the bare minimum about the no contact rule and while I was able to help a lot of people with my knowledge I really didn’t know as much as I do now.

How did I gain this knowledge.

I am the owner and operator of two websites that help men and women get back with their exes, Ex Boyfriend Recovery and Ex Girlfriend Recovery. Through these two sites I have been able to see the no contact rule performed thousands of times.

Don’t believe me?

Take a look at the graphics below,

Screen-Shot-2014-11-25-at-3.19.44-PM Screen-Shot-2014-11-25-at-3.20.18-PM

 

These two screenshots are of all the comments I have moderated for these two websites. So, as you can see I have literally seen over 40,000 situations involving exes most of which involved the no contact rule. As a result of dealing with this many situations I was able to figure out a lot about what works about the no contact rule and what doesn’t work with it but perhaps the most important thing I was able to get was what you can do to shore up the weaknesses of the no contact rule.

I am a firm believer that in order for people to take your advice you have to prove to them that you know a thing or two about what you are talking about so there are my credentials for you as to why you should listen to me on the no contact rule over my peers.

After all, the proof is in the pudding and I have ate a lot of pudding!

Now, I feel like I have beaten around the bush enough so lets cut right to the chase,

What exactly Is the no contact rule?

My Definition Of The No Contact Rule

look at the definition

The no contact rule is actually a very easy concept to understand. The complications to it really come in when you add other extracurricular factors into the equation. For now I don’t want you to worry about those extracurricular factors.

Don’t worry, I will be covering those factors in-depth on this guide but for now I would just like to focus on the no contact rule in it’s most simple form.

So, what is the no contact rule?

The No Contact Rule- A specific period of time where you ignore your ex in every form imaginable. If he/she contacts you through text messages, calls or even the internet you ignore him/her.

Now, I would like to break the definition above up into two different sections so I can help you understand what a real NC rule is.

What are the two sections that we are dividing the definition above up into?

I am glad you asked,

Section 1- A specific period of time where you ignore your ex in every form imaginable.

Section 2- If he/she contacts you through text messages, calls or even the internet you ignore him/her

Section One- Ignoring Your Ex For A Specific Period Of Time

no time

Above I pointed out that I have seen the no contact rule used a lot from men and women just like you. I can’t tell you how many times that I have shaken my head with disappointment on how often people screw it up because they don’t pay attention to what I mean when I tell them that the no contact rule is just meant to be used for a specific period of time.

Yes, there are some idiots out there that actually think the no contact rule is permanent until your ex talks to you.

Yep, you read that right, they are idiots who are lazy because they refused to read the actual definition.

You are only supposed to use the no contact rule for a set period of time and then after that period of time has concluded it is up to you to take the necessary steps afterwards to win your ex back (read Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO for more information on that part of the process.)

This begs the question, how long should this set period of time be?

Well, my experience with the no contact rule in the past has taught me some very important lessons.

For one, a lot of men and women have trouble completing it which makes a massive no contact rule (like a time period of 60 days) hard to complete. Also, if you use a long no contact time period (like the 60 days one) the risk of your ex moving on to someone else is a lot higher. However, at the same time if you come back to your ex too soon with a super short no contact period then not enough time has passed for them to realistically want to take you back.

Of course, probably the most important thing that I have learned through my experiences with the no contact rule is that no two situations are alike. There is no such thing as a universal no contact rule that is perfect for every situation. For example, someone who really needs space or needs to be alone for a long period of time will react better to a 45 day no contact rule versus a 21 day one. Of course, then we can look at the other side of the coin when you have a person who can’t go very long without interaction. For someone like this the 21 day no contact rule is deal versus a 45 day one.

Do you see what I mean when I say that there is truly no such thing as a universal no contact rule?

As a result of my knowledge I have came up with three different time periods for the no contact rule that are effective in most situations. However, it is really up to YOU to choose which one of these no contact rules are perfect for your situation.

What are the three different time periods?

The 21 Day Rule

This time frame is perfect for a situation where an ex is getting really antsy when you are ignoring them. For example, lets say that you start your no contact rule and on day one your ex texts you. Then on day three he or she texts you again. Then on day five you get a message like this,

 

nc-ignoring

 

Now, your first instinct when you see a message like that is to break NC and go into apologizing mode for “playing games.” Don’t give in to that temptation. Instead just know that for someone like this, someone who is really troubled by your lack of attention to them, the 21 day rule is perfect because it allows enough time to go by for them to miss you and also for you to regain some control of the situation.

Of course, you can’t mess around with people like this with long no contact rules like the 30 day rule and the 45 day rule. While you may be able to get away with the 30 day rule you aren’t likely to get away with the 45 day rule with an ex who requires attention on this level.

The 30 Day Rule

The 30 day no contact rule is the standard no contact rule that most of the experts out there say to implement.

Obviously I also recommend it but not in the same way that most of the other experts out there recommend it but more on that later. The 30 day period is perfect for women who don’t contact you very much during the no contact period.

What constitutes a woman not contacting you very much?

Well, if a woman contacts you only once during the NC rule then the 30 day rule is probably ideal.

Why?

Because it will give her enough time to miss you on a deep level. Of course, my experience has taught me a pretty clever trick when it comes to the 30 day rule. Most of the gurus out there that teach people about the no contact rule are iron clad about their beliefs on it.

They will tell you things like,

“You have to finish out the entire 30 days…”

“You can’t ever alter the no contact rule…”

Out of the three different no contact rules that I am recommending here I would say that without a doubt I recommend the 21 day rule the most.

Why do you think that is?

Well, for one it is the easiest for men to complete. However, that isn’t the real reason. The real reason is the fact that most people end up going crazy when you ignore them and the 21 day rule is perfect for dealing with people like that.

The real flaw with the longer no contact rules like the 30 day rule and the 45 day rule is that when you start them you have no idea how your ex is going to react.

Are they going to go crazy and threaten to cut you out of their lives forever or will they be just as stubborn as you?

So, here is my clever little solution to this problem. Lets say that you decide that you want to implement the no contact rule for 30 days and your ex goes crazy by contacting you 10 times. Well, in this case I think it would be smart to alter your no contact rule down to 21 days.

Of course, the same type or principle can be applied to the 21 day no contact period. If your ex doesn’t contact you at all you can extend your no contact rule from 21 days to 30 or 45 days.

Lets move on to the 45 day rule now.

The 45 Day Rule

The 45 day rule is perfect for people who have done something really bad in their relationships.

For example, if you cheated on your ex multiple times with multiple different people then something tells me that he or she isn’t going to get over that in 21 days or even 30 days. No, it may take 45 days before they are willing to even formulate words to you.

So, the 45 day rule is all about knowing your personal situation with your ex.

For example, a regular breakup that ended on pretty decent terms isn’t going to require a 45 day rule.

Of course, like I explained above with the 30 day rule I like to tell people that the NC rules are interchangeable on the fly. So, if you find that your ex is really getting antsy about you ignoring him or her you might be better off altering the no contact rule to a shorter time frame.

Section Two- If he/she contacts you through text messages, calls or even the internet you ignore him/her

ignore

The essence of the no contact rule is going to revolve around your ability to ignore your ex.

It’s as simple as that.

What are the ways that you can communicate with a past lover?

Off the top of my head here are the ways that come to mind,

  • Over the phone
  • Through texting
  • Through email
  • Facebook
  • Applications
  • Twitter
  • Whatsapp
  • Snapchat
  • Writing letters
  • FaceTime
  • Skype
  • In person

Basically if you and your ex can somehow get in contact with one another I want you to stay away from them on it. That means that if they contact you, you have to ignore them and if you feel the urge to contact them you cannot.

This is a full freeze out lasting for the time period you chose above.

Just so I really hammer this point home I want to give you a common example that I come across.

Lets say that you decide to use the 21 day rule no contact rule on your ex and everything is going good and on day 5 your ex reaches out to you. In this case you would have to ignore them. The only time that you would ever be able to contact them is after your no contact period has completed.

Got it?

Ok, lets do another hypothetical.

Lets say that on day 14 of your 21 day no contact rule your ex is having a birthday. Are you allowed to contact them to wish them a happy birthday?

Nope.

I know its cruel but under no circumstances can you break the no contact rule.

Hmm…

Actually, that isn’t entirely true.

There are a few circumstances where you will be forced to break the no contact rule.

What are those circumstances.

Times You Are Forced To Break The No Contact Rule

break the rules

A few days ago a man who is trying to get his girlfriend back contacted me with a very interesting question.

“How can I do the no contact rule if I live with my ex?”

As I said above, there are a few circumstances where no matter what you do you are going to be forced to alter your no contact rule. Luckily, 75% of you won’t have to alter your no contact rule but for those of you that will this section is for you.

Below I have compiled a list of all the situations which require you to slightly break the no contact rule and what to do in those situations.

Lets start with a common one.

You Work With Your Ex

work

Obviously it is going to be impossible to do a full out no contact rule if you work with your ex for a number of reasons but mainly because you have to retain a working relationship with him or her. I can’t tell you how many times I get questions about how to approach this situation on a daily basis.

Here are my thoughts on how to handle no contact in this particular instance.

Lets say that you have decided that you are going to attempt the 21 day rule but you work with your ex. The question you are wondering at this point is if no contact is even going to be possible for you.

It will be.

For 21 days you are going to implement the no contact rule meaning you ignore your exes every attempt of communication towards you. In the instances where work forces you to communicate with each other then it is ok to communicate as long as you keep it strictly about the business.

If your ex tries to bring up the relationship then you need to very kindly tell him or her that you are not ready to talk about the relationship yet.

In other words, keep things strictly business.

After your 21 days are up then you can begin the same re-attraction plan that everyone else on this site goes through after the no contact rule.

Lets take a look at another situation that requires you to alter your no contact plans.

If You Live With Your Ex

living together

I see this situation crop up quite a lot.

Usually what happens is that a couple who is living together gets into a massive argument which prompts them to break up and then they are forced to live together in awkwardness until their living situation is worked out.

I will admit that the no contact rule is probably the least effective in this situation since you see this person every single day but that doesn’t mean that it’s not going to work. A lot of the effectiveness of the no contact rule here is going to depend on how you handle your no contact rule alteration.

What alterations have to be made.

Well, in the instances where you are forced to talk with your ex about something stay away from your past relationship at all costs.

I would also like you to be very positive and upbeat. Don’t project a negative vibe because people are turned off by someone with a negative vibe.

Also, try to keep things relatively short in conversations that you are forced to have. Remember, be friendly and nice but also be kind of short until your no contact time period has completed.

If You Have Kids With Your Ex

kids

Another situation where I see people having to break the no contact rule is when they share a child with their ex.

The no contact alteration here is actually quite simple.

Only break the no contact rule when you have to talk about your kids.

That’s it.

If your ex even brings up anything about your old relationship, starts flirting with you or doing anything else that isn’t about the kids then you simply don’t respond or you end the conversation immediately.

Your communication with your ex should be all about your kids and that’s it.

If Your Ex Wants His Things Back

give it to me

If you are in a relationship long enough then most likely the two of you shared things throughout your time together.

Maybe he or she left something at your place and you left something at his/her place.

Whatever the case one of the most common reach outs during the no contact rule for exes is the infamous, “how are we going to exchange things?” question.

What is the best way to approach this situation during the no contact rule?

I am of the belief that you are absolutely entitled to your things just like they are so this is one of those situations where you can break no contact to give/get things. However, if you find yourself in this situation then there are a few guidelines that you have to follow.

First off, any communication or meetup with your ex to exchange items should be only about the items. If your ex tries to bring up your old relationship or asks you about the relationship you feed them this line,

“I’m not ready to talk about our relationship yet.”

Keep all your interactions with them about the things you are exchanging. After the big “exchange” is over then just slip right back into NC.

What To Do When You Are In No Contact

what to do with my hands meme

You didn’t think you were just going to sit around and wait for the NC to conclude did you?

A common mistake I see of my visitors and even my clients is the fact that they are lazy when it comes to the no contact rule. You see, they expect the no contact rule to do all the work for them.

NEWSFLASH!!!

The no contact rule itself isn’t just about attempting to make your ex miss you and realize what they’ve lost. It’s also about rebuilding yourself into a person your ex cannot possibly say no to. So, while you are ignoring your ex boyfriend or girlfriend you should also simultaneously be working on yourself to be the best version of yourself that ever existed.

Think of it like this.

If you were a dating a girl you really loved (I am assuming you are man here since this website is tailored more towards males) and she broke up with you, you would probably be very upset. But lets say that you were to use a 21 day no contact rule on her and during this 21 day no contact rule you transformed yourself into her version of Brad Pitt (see below.)

brad pitt rusty

So, what we have here is a situation where the no contact rule is probably forcing her to reminisce/miss you and you are turning yourself into Brad Pitt. How can she possibly say no to that when you ask her if she wants to get back together?

So, how do we create this Brad Pitt effect during the no contact rule?

Well, I’d like to divide things up into two different sections.

  1. Mental Changes
  2. Physical Changes

Lets first start with the mental changes since they are much more complicated to achieve.

Mental Changes

samurai

No one is perfect during relationships.

I’m not…

Your not…

Your ex is certainly not…

However, just because we aren’t perfect doesn’t mean we should stop striving to be. In other words, you have to adopt a samurai mentality.

Now, I know exactly what you are thinking.

“Wait, did I read that right? A samurai?”

Yes, a samurai.

You see, back in the day samurais had a certain mentality. Every single day they would work on their technique or skills to become better at them. They wanted to become perfect even though they knew that it was impossible to achieve. So, every day they practiced and improved to a point where they were almost perfect.

For them it was a never ending chase for something impossible to achieve, perfection.

I want you to adopt this type of a mentality when it comes to your time during the no contact rule.

I want you to look at what went wrong in your relationship on your side and shore up your weaknesses.

For example, lets say that towards the end of your relationship with your ex you were a bit clingy or you had a bunch of fights over stupid things. Well, during the no contact rule I want you to adjust your mindset to where you won’t be clingy and where you wont take insignificant stuff so personally that you are willing to fight over it.

Remember, you are a samurai now and samurais are always trying to achieve perfection.

Of course, achieving perfection when it comes to exes has more to do then just your mentality. You also have to take a look at the physical side.

Physical Changes

We live in a pretty vain society.

A lot of how we judge people now-a-days is based solely on looks. Now, a lot of people out there are going to tell you that who you are on the inside is what really matters and while I definitely agree with them I think that in order for people to see who you are on the inside you have to first convince them on the outside.

Of course, we are talking about a very unique situation here.

You are using the no contact rule to get your ex back which means your ex already knows who you are to a certain extent.

However, we talked about the samurai mentality above and improving your personality so we have that covered but what I really want for you is to have a crazy before and after moment.

A few years ago I was in a hotel room late at night flipping through the channels and I happened to stumble across one of those insane fitness routines that they are always pitching where they have those incredible before and after shots like the one you see below,

before and after

This gave me an idea.

“Hmm… what if someone used the no contact rule to have a before and after moment like these people.”

The beauty of the no contact rule is that not only does it give you time to work on yourself but it also gives you time away from your ex to have a before and after moment.

Look, your ex has a certain way they view you before the no contact rule. Well, after the no contact rule your aim is to shatter their view of you and create a new one.

I suppose the question you are wondering now is,

“How do I have a moment like this?”

How To Create Your Before/After Moment

Creating a before and after moment isn’t just about losing weight (though if you could lose a few pounds then you had better do that.)

No, creating a perfect before and after moment is about upgrading your style, grooming, having good hygiene and looking like you are the envy of others.

One of the most interesting before and after shots that I have ever seen has to do with the famous celebrity David Beckham.

Take a look below,

before and after david

To me it doesn’t even look like the same person.

Now, we do have to take into account that in the before picture above Beckham looks to be about 16 and in the after picture he looks to be about 30 but push that aside for a moment. I want you to take a look at all the improvements that were made after the before picture.

The first thing that comes to mind here is the fact that his hairstyle is different.

It just so happens that Beckham can pull off the buzz cut hairstyle. In fact, he can pull it off so well that he might even look better with it. The next thing I want you to notice is his complexion. He looks like he has gotten his fair share of sun in the after picture while in the before picture he is a bit paler.

Next I want you to take notice of his style in the after picture.

His style clearly makes him look more confident and attractive.

So, as you can see, it takes more than just losing weight to have a great before and after moment.

		

Written by EGR team mate

Chris Seiter

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1391 Comments on "Using The No Contact Rule (Everything You Need To Know)"

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Alvi
Guest
I came across program and as you can assume I’m completely heartbroken after my ex left me.My case is really complicated as she didn’t gave me any valid reason to leave me all of a sudden regarding we were in relationship for almost 5 years.It was a LDR and our religion was different but still we had this connection between us which she broke and left all of a sudden. I wanna give the program a shot as it seems really convincing.But before that can you honestly tell me do I get another chance with my ex again by following… Read more »
Jared
Guest
So I guess the only questions I have is when it comes to ignoring during the no contact period First question is when regarding text messages, should I open the text message and show her that it was “seen” or should I just completely ignore the message altogether? And my second is regarding social media, is it a good idea or bad idea to have them blocked during the no contact period? I see the argument for blocking due to it being hard to not stalk their profiles and making it harder on yourself..but I’ve also heard people say its… Read more »
Mike
Guest
Hello Chris. After reading your article and purchasing your ebook I decided to take control of the situation and I initiated no contact. We were on talking terms when I suddenly went no contact. I went almost 2 weeks without talking to her and then she contacted me. She goated me into an argument and I broke no contact. After that I immediately went back into no contact and again 2 weeks in she contacted me several times saying she “misses me” and asking me questions, wishing all is well? This time I have remained strong and ignored her texts… Read more »
Ivan
Guest
I broke up with my girlfriend more than 2 months ago. She left me after a small fight when I was in emotional mess because of family and career problems. I begged for 3 days and then done no contact for a week. We met and I begged her again. Then i tried to remain friend but it hurt me too much. I started no contact again for 2 weeks but I saw her looking sad at college so I borke no contact and wanted to talk to her. Next week we talked again and she was kinda ignorat and… Read more »
King
Guest
So my girlfriend has broke up with me due to multiple times of cheating and lying. We got to a point where we just stayed together and worked on it for like 5 months now and hanging out but we’ve had a lot of petty arguments, clinginess and bad vibes. She broke up with me today after asking me a question about a situation and said that I lied… which I didnt lie about. I’ve told her the truth about everything but she still gets triggered regularly. Today we argued, I sent text Messages begging and explaining why these situations… Read more »
King
Guest

Thank you!!! The only thing about the fact she called me 6 times is she told me to not hit her line until further notice. She told me to leave her alone, stop texting and to stop calling her. She’s my bestfriend as well so she told me we were still best friends but she needs space. I want Her back though so what do you think about the no contact rule now? Thank you for showing me how to address those lies to her.

King
Guest

I believe She asked if I was good due to my mental health. That’s the only reason why. I know She cares but I’m tired of this cycle of healing then we’re at square 1 again. She said she never got time to herself. I want Her to have that. I also Need time to work on myself too like I said.. tired of cycles. We end up missing each other but haven’t fixed anything even though cheating has stopped but aftermath is still there and will continue to be there if we smother each other.

King
Guest

Chris, my girlfriend is the type to pull up on you if you do not respond. She did it last night🙂 we both have iPhones and my location is shared. I’ve restarted NC since she pulled up. She asked me to leave her on read instead of delivered. Texted me 3 times, what do I do?

King
Guest

Around 6pm today she texted me and asked what I was doing because I was out To eat (she checked my location) i ignored It. She FaceTimed me. Ignored it. Then texted me again and said Bet, I’m off of you.. of course i responded Bc we just broke up. I told Her I was by myself and was going to be by myself and told her to have a good one. Now I’m in full NC mode and I’m not playing

Pickle
Guest
Hey my girlfriend and I were together for a little over year and we hung out all the time and were each others best friends, she broke up with me a few days ago and couldn’t even do it, she was crying so much and she says she still cares about me so much and still cries over “all the good f**king memories” she can’t really tell me why other than she fell out of love with me. I’m pretty sure us together is still her phone background. What do I do? I want to try the NC rule but… Read more »
lynxlad
Guest
I’ve just started the 21 day no contact rule with my ex she broke up with me on Friday, after our relationship slipped into petty arguments and become toxic in some ways, I genuinely love her but feel like we both lost ourself with insecurities and become very petty with one another causing a toxic atmosphere at times. We broke up on Friday and then yesterday was the second day of NC she contacted me last night asking if I could post her something of hers through her door I didn’t quite know how to handle it, I just ignored… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Lynxlad,

It’s ok to talk to her about exchanging things as long as it’s only about that.

Alberto
Guest
Hi, This is sort of a specific situation and I’m not sure what to do and not sure if the NC rule applies here or not. Not really and EX story but might as well be… About a a month ago, a really sweet and pretty girl came to work for us at the office. Honestly, I didn’t think much of her or anything but the first few weeks of her working, she would glance and smile at me A LOT! I would usually smile back and go back to work without making anything out of it until she did… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Alberto,

No, I think she’s just shy. Go talk to her more in person.

Seb
Guest

Hi,
My gf of 3 years broke up with me last week saying I was taking her for granted and I was too comfortable in the relationship. I texted her the other day asking if we could meet up/have a phone call but she said it would make it harder for the both of us and that she’s said everything she wants to and that her mind isn’t going to change. Shall I initiate nc? or is it hopeless to even try getting her back?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Seb,

You can still try nc.

Jeremiah
Guest
I have recently broken up with my girlfriend of 2.5 years. I had pushed her away because college was getting really intense over the last three months and I had taken 2 classes over winter break. She had come to me before and told me about how she was feeling about me being distant, but I was unable to change because I was still super busy. I’m passed all of that now and I really want her back. She had told me that she wanted to break up and that she needed space because her guard was up and she… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jeremiah,

If you’re doing nc, that means you have to break the streak. You have to focus in improving and healing yourself but being active in posting also but if she messages you, unless she literally says she wants to get back together, you can’t reply nor initiate contact with her.

jose
Guest
Does this the 30 day no contact work on crushes? I had this super hot girl that i work with that was really into me and wanted to go out with me, but i took to long to ask her out. Then, when i finally did she seem uninterested. Now usually i would just move on but she is really hot, and i can stop beating myself over it. I have to admit that when i started sensing that she was becoming uninterested, i became clingy, and i also acted nervous whe she was around, overrall i showed a lot… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jose,

I don’t think you need to use nc for now.. Just slowly build rapport before asking her out.

Eugene
Guest
After 3.5 years together, my fiancée and I broke up officially on 17th Dec, excluding a week of timeout initiated by her. Main reason was that she found out I flirt texted girls. Twice before proposal that was in June and once (August) after, and various underlying issues which we brushed aside. During the Aug to Dec period. Rs was still alright, except that it’s less passionate and affection. She even surprised me with some food during work and wished me happy monthsary. I have done some unnecessary meet up sessions with her, to apologise and pleaded I’ll change etc,… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Eugene,

Be active in posting in social media but avoid jealousy posts.

Donald
Guest
My fiancé and I broke up a few days ago, we lived together until today but I finally decided to move out. We have a 2 year old son together that I have to watch. I have to go to the apartment where. we lived together to watch him while she’s at work. The reason she broke up with me is because I had cheated on her in the past by sexting other girls and she found out and lost trust. About 3 months ago I committed infidelity and confronted her about it. Around 3 weeks after that she did… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Donald,

I think there’s still a chance.. You can talk to her about house stuff or child stuff. Just avoid feelings or relationship talks..

Donald
Guest

How long should I do limited contact?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

at least 30 days.

Fred
Guest
Hi, First of all thanks for the valuable material. My ex girlfriend broke up with me two days ago, we’ve been in a long distance relationship for about two years. At some point she grew distant and became cold. I became more clingy and possessive. This week she told me she had lost the feelings and could not continue being in the relationship any longer. Prior do this relationship and during a quite large amount of it, I’ve was playing my game quite well in order to never become the needy one. Therefore I instantly decided to apply the NC… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Fred,

You can break it if she says she wants to get back together and work it out. Other than that, do 14-21 days

lukis
Guest
I share a 3 year old relation with my lady and we have has 3 4 fights before(it was never cheating or breaking her trust). This time I did not give her enough time and attention for 1 month and shes hurt. She still deeply cares for me and she is going to find my absence she still calls the love of her life. I tried talking her out of it for 1 week and then I have stopped sending her texts. she has said it on my face that she does not feel anytime for me and there is… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Lukis,
if you’re in nc, that means you’re not going to reply…

John
Guest

Got broken up with 8 days ago. Read this article today. Sent 3 emails (she replied to 2) and some flowers since break up. Have not had contact in 3 days. Can I still benefit from NC rule, although I have already sent her a few “begging for her back” emails?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi John,

Yup, it’s not yet too late

Brendon
Guest
Hi I dated my best friend for about 2 months, but her feelings changed, i tried to remain friends, but got clingy as we talked everyday. I want to do a NC period just so I can get rid of the neediness I feel like she sees in me, but am not sure it its too late. She has tons of baggage in people abandoning her, and I know if i do the 21 days she will inevitably ask why i ignored her for so long. What is the general advice on how to come back after that period? We… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Brendon,

tell her being friends is not working for you right now and thank her for everything and then start at least 21 day nc.

Dan
Guest
i was seeing my ex for about 4 months she had just come out of a 6 year relationship with someone everything was going great she really liked me, she always wanted to get me to do things that involved major social events and never wanted to she seemed to be okay with that. anyway i was visiting family for a couple weeks over the holidays and when she texted me and mentioned its quite without the dog around, so naturally i asked where the dog was and she said she let her ex take him for a few days… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

HI Dan,

Are they constantly talking to each other? Are you in the nc period currently?

Ryan
Guest
My girlfriend and I have been talking for about 5 years officially dating for a little over 2 of them. We started dating after being apart in our first year of college (about a month in) and just broke up in our third year in college. Our first year of college we were long distance. She then transferred closer to home (my college, yes we go to the same school) which several of her friends go to also, the following year. We were on a “break” for about 2 weeks. When she first decided to go on a break I… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Ryan,

Just keep the ring.. You can’t control her so the best you can do is to stick to nc and be active in improving yourself and in posting..

Secret
Guest
I got into relationship with my classmate in next class at school. We liked each other a lot. We used to talk abt marriage as well. The relationship started in mid july 2016 and went very happily till mid april 2017. Our relationship was such that we talked mostly by chat. We didnt talk much eye to eye face to face as we were shy that the world may say something or our parents may scold us. Then all of a sudden she stopped talking once 12 grade started. I asked her the reason and she said that studies should… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Secret,

I hope you’re in the nc period now and that you’re actively improving yourself.

Secret
Guest

Yes I am.. her bday comes in may.. should i continue nc till then as well? Or wish her? Its really tough but doing well.. i analysed my mistakes as well.. i didnt appreciate her for many things and we fought for small things.. i feel now i will take care of her even better if i get another chance.. how long according to you would it take?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

That’s too long.. You can initiate contact after 45 days to slowly build rapport while you continue getting your life back together.. Dont ask for her back right after nc.. Slowly build rapport first

Secret
Guest

Please do mention the articles about initiating contact after nc.. also i recently found out that the boy she had mentioned she was in a relationship was not in relationship. She was lying to me that she has another relationship. That was happy to find but still how do i know if she likes me?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

even if she doesn’t have fb account were you actively posting? If yes, did you make your posts public?

Secret
Guest

Yes.. i am still actively posting in fb.. but none of her frnds are in fb.. and many of my schoolmates not active as exams have started. Gmail is the only way i can contact her now.
But how does posting in fb be useful? And how can i initiate contact through email?

Kasper singh
Guest
so i have been with this girl for around 3 weeks this girl and i had some wonderfull times together, and i think for a short period of time we loved Each Other. it went on for a couple of weeks, and there was a party where we kissed and suff like that. but then one day where we should have gone on a date she said she was confused and did not know what to do with her feelings. and then it kinda ended there. this is 2 days later and i don’t know what to do. i still… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Kasper,

how are you now?

Kasper singh
Guest

okay so me and this girl had some wonderfull times together, and i think for a short period of time we loved Each Other. it want on for a couple of weeks, we went to a party where we kissed and suff like that. but then one day where we should have went on a date she said she was confused and did not know what to do with her feelings. and then it kinda ended there. this is 2 days later and i don’t know what to do. i still love her so much, help.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Kasper,

how are you now?

Rey
Guest

My SO and I just broke up a little over a week ago. We’ve been fighting a lot the past few months and have had mini-“break ups” too. But this is the longest we’ve gone and I think this time she’s really serious about leaving. Will this still work? Will the NC rule still works with her? Also do you guys have any other tips?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Rey,

Its not a guarantee that it will, but it helps increase youe chances.. And also by, what does so exactly mean?

Marc
Guest
Me and my ex were on and off since she left Florida to live with her friend. She said she wanted space then she wanted me to move back to Maryland. So I relocated. She was halfway in halfway out. Saying she was waiting on me to change before really committing. Then I found out she was talking to another guy. She admitted it and said she was waiting for me to change before making a final decision. Then duding the holiday, my friends showed me pics of her with him amd when I asked her she said that she… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi,
When did you break up? Sorry, just yo make it clear, did you mean you have a child with her or she has a child and you treat the child as your own?

Marcus
Guest
Me and my ex were on and off since she left Florida to live with her friend. She said she wanted space then she wanted me to move back to Maryland. So I relocated. She was halfway in halfway out. Saying she was waiting on me to change before really committing. Then I found out she was talking to another guy. She admitted it and said she was waiting for me to change before making a final decision. Then duding the holiday, my friends showed me pics of her with him amd when I asked her she said that she… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi,
When did you break up? Sorry, just yo make it clear, did you mean you have a child with her or she has a child and you treat the child as your own?

Marcus
Guest

Sorry for not making it clear. But we broke up officially three weeks ago. We have one child together. She has a daughter thats 6 by someone else but Ive helped raise her since she was 2 and she calls me daddy

Marc
Guest

Sorry for not being clear. We have one daughter together that’s 2 and she has one a previous relationship that is 6 but Ive helped raise her since she was 2 and she calls me daddy.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

You can still talk to her about the kids.. if you mean not to do the nc rule, that’s not going to stop her from falling to another guy and it’s not going to help her see you in a better light too because you basically mean you want to look like you’re chasing her..

Marcus
Guest

I went through with the NC, just keeping things related to the kids. However 20 days in, she’s asked if we can take it slow and start over and move. I havent responded yet.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

you mean move in? is she still talking to the other guy?

Marcus Deon Davis
Guest

I honestly feel like she is and she’s using me as a safety net which is why I haven’t responded. But she has been contacting me more and more frequently trying to find an explanatuon for why I wont respond and yes she wants to move back to Florida with me.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Talk to her. You can break nc and talk about how the relationship would be this time..

Jay
Guest

I only found this after a few days after replying to my ex’s message one week after breaking up with me. It was a long and enjoyable conversation but it naturally tapered down, and I knew I should have ended it sooner. How would I go about engaging NC if I don’t know if she will reply again?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jay,

Just be active in improving yourself and in posting..if she contacts you, don’t reply

Evan
Guest

My ex wanted me to change. Now, she said she is in love with another man. We just broke up 2 weeks ago. I’m not sure that I changed completely for the better. But I’m also worried that she might be in love with that guy that she won’t come back to me in the end.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor
Damien
Guest
My ex girlfriend left me for another guy. She hid this fact to me. I stopped contacting her after she admitted she had a boyfriend. She said the reason she fell out of love is because of my attitude and that I didn’t give effort to make her happy. That I was so selfish. This is true as I was really an ass**** and prioritised other things neglecting her in the process. Though she says she doesn’t love me anymore, her actions show she still wants me. We haven’t talked for 1 week already. She was a very good girlfriend.… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor
Daniel Evangelista
Guest

Question: Should I still use the No Contact Rule if the reason she broke up with me was me ignoring her and she thought I didn’t love her? She is in a rebound relationship right now (I think). So I just stopped contacting her ever since she admitted she had a new boyfriend. It’s been 3 weeks since we broke up.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor
Albert
Guest
Hi, me and my girlfriend are not broken up just yet, but it seems like the only way forward. We loved each other a lot but over the past year I have been a jerk, brushing off her efforts and her love. Until recently I had a change of work environment and I started to find back who I am. However, this was also when she started to lose her feelings for me and said she was hurt. We started to argue about stupid things and she started to do things knowing it would hurt me because she didn’t care… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Albert,

Do you want to try the no contact rule?

Damian
Guest

Is it okay to be online on facebook while I initiate NC Rule because we are still friends on facebook

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Damian,

it’s ok as long as you don’t contact nor reply to her.. You should be active in posting..

Liam
Guest

Update with my situation –
A day after using the NC rule she messages me saying “just to clarify, are we never going to speak to each other again? orrrrr??”
Should I continue with the NC or reply with something. I’m scared if I don’t reply she’ll think I have moved on and will hate me.

Liam
Guest
Hello I’m 17 and my ex is 15, I was just wondering a few things about our break up and how we can get back together. Firstly, the reason we broke up. The reason we broke up was because we were arguing a lot, usually about things like her saying “I feel like you don’t care about me” and me responding with “That’s not true, ofc I care about you” and then her getting angry and it turning into an argument because I didn’t really know how to respond and apparently I was just meant to accept her feeling and… Read more »
Liam
Guest

Update with my situation –
A day after using the NC rule she messages me saying “just to clarify, are we never going to speak to each other again? orrrrr??”
Should I continue with the NC or reply with something. I’m scared if I don’t reply she’ll think I have moved on and will hate me

If you didn’t see my comment above then here it is in a reply.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Liam,

She has to think you’re moving on and not chasing her.. You can tell her for now that being friends is not workable for you.. And then start nc..after that, dont send flowers..that looks like you’re trying to get her back..slowly rebuild rapport instead

Liam
Guest

How long should I use the NC rule and how should i rebuild rapport when I start talking to her after the NC rule, what should I say?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

At least 30 days and check this one:
How to Communicate With Your Ex After No Contact

Justin
Guest
Hello Amor My Girlfriend broke up with me 1 week ago. She told me to leave her alone, which I did for 6 days. Yesterday I wrote her a long letter clearing some things off my chest and she replied with “I love You and let’s meet face to face”. During the planning stages of meeting up she changed her tune and said “I feel you are my enemy. Perhaps it will be best to leave things as they are. Sorry for messing you around”. I replied with “Good Night and sleep tight wonder woman!” I am keen to try… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Justin,

Why did she broke up with you and how long were you together?

Marshall
Guest

How can I start the no contact rule if she see me in school everyday, but she has a new boyfriend in other school???
It is really hard in this situation
Please help me I really want her back

Marshall
Guest

I also really want to start the no contact rule to make her miss me and want me back to her life…

Marshall
Guest

By the way we broke up because she’s afraid that
Our teacher already knows our realtionship, afraid that our teacher will tell her father about us and I feel like she’s not fighting for me????

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Marshall,

Your situation is the same as working with your ex in the above article..

Aaron
Guest

Hey amor, my comment response isnt showing up.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

It’s still here, just haven’t reached it. you can try 14-21 days.. are you classmates? The phone calls depend if you’ve built enough rapport to proceed to calls.

Aaron
Guest

Hi Amor, We broke up because she doesn’t want a relationship right now and that I have been especially too aggressive and attached to her. I realized this too late and have thought it over.

Aaron
Guest

Meaning that she just likes to be independent which I didn’t allow her to be.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

It’s still here, just haven’t reached it. you can try 14-21 days.. are you classmates? The phone calls depend if you’ve built enough rapport to proceed to calls.

Aaron
Guest

Uhm no we go to different colleges and currently all the colleges in my province are on strike. So school work isn’t an option. I will do on the 14 days, any advice on what to do to avoid thinking of her meanwhile?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

well, you can’t really avoid it.. just acknowledge the thought when you do and go back to what you’re currently doing..Be active in improving yourself and in posting.

Crunch
Guest

Hey
My ex’s friends have pinned her against me , saying that i was the root of her not being happy.
My ex is also pissed that i constantly kept calling her and texting her to the point where she says she is happy without me and that she doesnt care about me . She told me to never contact her again and has completely blocked me
So even if i complete the NC how do i contact her ?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Crunch,

she’s just saying that out of emotion at that time.. instead of chasing, make her miss you and regret not having you by being in active in improving yourself and in posting during and after nc.. check this one:
How To Use Text Messages To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back

John
Guest

i had put a question it is not being shown?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi John,

It’s still here.. I just haven’t reached it for approval.. Do at least 30 days..

Eden
Guest
Hi, i am an alcoholic who has had an amazing relationship with a beautiful lady who was holidaying in my country and then decided to move here to be with me. We have been together for 5 months, i broke her trust by not being honest with my struggles with esctasy use and then i ruined 15 months of sobriety and got drunk and looked for sex with another woman, (i didn’t actually want to but my fucked up addictive brain wanted to ruin what i had). We were about to move in together and she understandably broke up with… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Eden,

Tell her you need space but dont tell her for how long and that that it’s nc.. Do at least 21 days

John
Guest
my girlfriend cheated on me, she had gotten delusional about our relationship. she stopped sharing things with me to try and not hurt me, but ended up bonding with other guy and it led to an affair. all this happened when we were in a long-distance relationship. she came clean about it to me a month back and I forgave her within a day. but she cheated on me again within a week with a different guy. and I found out.. she said it happened when she was drunk, but it was a lie. turns out it lasted for a… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi John,

It’s still here.. I just haven’t reached it for approval.. Do at least 30 days..

Petros billy
Guest
After one week of becoming partners my gf found a job in an other city but somehow far …we continued being close but day by day she started pushing me away and when she cameback home i thought its time to give her a sweet love ..but we planned to meet and she didn’t came on time and i waited for her until i decide to leave ..so from that night she didn’t wanted to talk to me anymore…sh can’t pick up my call Can’t reply my Messages so i decided to stop texting her but i love her so… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Petros,

How are you now?

Teero
Guest
Hey, Amor I was dating a lady for about 3 months and she just dumped me yesterday. I was pretty attentive and god to her while we were together. I felt like she really didn’t want to commit, so I didn’t push it. She asked me to just be friends and I said no because I didn’t want to put myself in a position where I’m desiring a relationship and settling for friendship. I told her to get in contact with me if she changed her mind. I’ve pretty much committed to starting NC. Do you think this is a… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Teero,

Yes, it is..

Dan
Guest
Hi me and my girlfriend have split up. We ended on me deciding to end contact so i can process the breakup and have time for myself. We ended the break up with her saying “you know i will always love you”. She was crying and upset while she broke up with me but was putting up a strong act while doing it. We have a lot of mutual friends and will be at the same event for Halloween. It would be about 14 days since the breakup or contact. She said we can have a drink and talk to… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
Luke
Guest
Hi, what’s going to happen here then? Opinions please. In short… Been together since Feb 15 Since Jan 2017 we have been in a part time relationship after living together for 20 months. Basically I have not been happy moving backwards in the relationship but equal to that she has not been giving the relationship priority. Reason behind this is she needs her ME time, something she says she should’ve had between relationships. (My view is it’s an excuse to get out) Even though we have tried this year we have had great time but both knowing we have an… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Luke,

I’m confused..are you still living together? You mean you’re just friends with benefits?

Wei
Guest
Me and girl broke up two weeks ago and I since been in NC. During break-up conversation, I asked her to share some important files with me online (she done so). After ignoring unrelated messages from her this second week, she texted me asking I confirm I downloaded files so she can remove them and add others to share. What I do: respond or ignore message? I think I the one that asked for files, so unfair not to respond to good intentions cause she wants share more files (photos) to keep promise. But don’t want to break NC already.… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Wei,

If they’re not important just let them be

David
Guest

Hi,

After 2 months of relationship, my gf says that I’m a sweet person but just couldn’t give her laughter. She says she is getting bored of this relationship and her feeling of me is starting to fade off, and we might break off anytime soon. Her text to me now is getting quite negative and not interested as before to me. May I ask, should I start the NC now? Thanks!

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

HI David,

Yes, you should..

David
Guest

Thanks! How long should i do the NC?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Try a week or two..

David
Guest

Hi, alright noted, thanks so much!

I would also like to ask, because we have a music concert to attend on the December, what if she brought up the topic of the concert during the NC period, eg, *Hey, what should we gonna do for the concert, are we still going*

How should i react about it? Thanks!

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

It’s ok to talk about only that..

Aaron
Guest

Hi, i recently broke up my gf after about a 1 month relationship. Our feelings emerged around a week before the month but we’ve been good friends all thru highschool (the past 4 years). Is the 21 day NC rule too long? Considering the length our actual dating period. We originally broke up on good terms but i did the insistent ex boyfriend texts and today n annoyed her. How long after the NC rule should vocally speak on the phone with her?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Aaron,

why did you broke up with her?

David
Guest

Hi,

My gf has started to lost feeling on me, as she says she is no longer finding the fun with me and mention that I couldn’t bring her into the laughter. Her text to me is getting dull even though I have try to text in a interesting way. Should I start with a NC rule? Thanks!

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

HI David,

Yes, you should..

Eladia Jude Garcia
Guest
Me and ex gf broke up last wednesday. My ex told me that she doesn’t want to be with me anymore and she doesnt love me and she said that she loves someone else. She told me over phone but base on her tone i think she’s confused and so serious about it after we broke up my ex offered me a friendship but i didnt accept her offer as a friend. So she is sad because i didnt accept her offer. And also after we broke up she Still contacting me like everyday i already using the no contact… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Eladia,

It’s not a guarantee but as you see she misses you already.. Be active in improving yourself and in posting.

Daniel
Guest

We were bestfriends and she proposed me and we got into a relationship… She broke up in just two weeks and we tried being bestfriends after that but it was wasn’t working cos I was being a despo… It been four months now. We are still in talking terms but she says we are just friends. Should I try the no contact? Should I tell her that I am doing the no contact?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Daniel,

You can still do nc but don’t tell her about it..

Tim
Guest
Long story short. My ex is now long distance (short term, returning in 6 months) We were in a lot of contact and seemed hopeful (I was avoiding nc). Now she blocked my number and is pretty upset with me. Still friends on Facebook, instagram, and can email. Obviously now starting nc, but how do I proceed? Do I have to wait til she contacts me? Or do I reach out after 30-45 days? Do I reach out through social media? Starting self improvement. I’m still very close with her family who lives near me (constantly in contact with them… Read more »
Tim
Guest
I’ve already read that post and it does not address my specific question. If I am blocked how do I end NC? I am not blocked from social media. She has been putting up passive aggressive posts on Instagram (and only posting things after I do) which means shes hurt and is still thinking about me ( I think). Do I have to wait for her to contact me or unblock my number to reach out to her? Or do I reach out to her through Instagram or Facebook messenger or something like that. How long a NC period are… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Since you’re blocked, do 45 days and yes, you can message her through social media