A Comprehensive Guide Of Strategies To Get An Ex Girlfriend Back

One of the hardest things to do on Ex Girlfriend Recovery is thinking of articles to write.

Oftentimes I want to create articles that you, the visitor, wants to read.

Now, it’s actually quite easy to come up with ideas for a new site but for a more established website it can be quite difficult due to the fact that you have already written about everything. Such was the case before I thought up this genius article.

(Yup, totally stroked my ego just then.)

Before I jump into the meat of this article I want to take you back to the time before I thought this article up (literally a day ago.) Ok, so I was sitting around thinking of an article to write for you guys on Ex Girlfriend Recovery and determined that I was pretty much out of ideas for what to write.

So, I did what anyone would do who was in my position.

I turned to Google and started looking and seeing what other people were doing.

Guess what I found?


All of the content out there sucked.

I mean, it was kind of pathetic of how no one was writing the actual details that you actually need to get your ex back. Sure, the articles I stumbled across gave advice but that advice was generic. It didn’t give you the details you actually needed to have to actually succeed.

That’s when I got an idea.

“What if I created a page that was a comprehensive list of strategies to get your girlfriend back? Oh, and what if this page told you when it was best to use the strategies?”

Once I had the idea I figured I would make it come to fruition and here we are!

How This Comprehensive Guide Works

it works

I just mentioned that this page is going to be a list of all the strategies I have ever come up with to get a girlfriend back.

But how will this page work?

Good question!

There are literally thousands of strategies that one can use to get an ex back so which ones are important enough to mention and which ones probably shouldn’t be mentioned?

The Answer = The only ones I am going to talk about on this page are the ones that are going to make a difference.

Now, what do you think I mean by that?

Simple, I am not going to spend my time mapping out every single text message you should be sending to your ex girlfriend. While I will admit that there is some strategy behind every text message that you send your ex girlfriend it’s too small to mention on this page.

I am only going after the big strategies.

I am talking about the kind of strategies that you absolutely have to include if you want a good chance of getting your ex girlfriend back.

Besides, I have already created a comprehensive guide in the form of a 300 page book outlining every little detail that goes into getting your girlfriend back.

If you want the big strategies and all the little ones that tie into them then I suggest you take a look at Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO.

So, now that we have that out of the way lets take a look at our very first strategy for getting an ex girlfriend back.

Strategy One: The No Contact Rule

you no text back

The no contact rule is without a doubt THE most popular strategy found here at Ex Girlfriend Recovery.


Perhaps because when it is conceptualized most men think to themselves,

“Hmm… that could work!”

So, what is the no contact rule and what is the desired effect that it’s supposed to have?

Lets just take a moment to talk about what it is.

What The No Contact Rule Is

Well, I have written a lot about what it is here and here but I suppose it won’t hurt to give you a quick crash course on it.

The no contact rule is basically a period of time (usually 21 to 30 days) where you don’t contact your ex… at all.

For example, if she sends you a text message like this,


Then you ignore it.

If she calls you a million times then you ignore them,

miss calls

Think of the no contact rule as the ultimate “freeze out.”

Now, you may think that my definition of the no contact rule ends there but it doesn’t.

In fact, when it comes to the no contact rule ignoring your ex is only half the battle.

The other half revolves around self improvement.

Above I mentioned that the no contact rule is employed during a certain amount of days (21 to 30.)

Well, it’s during those days that you are going to make yourself into the best version of yourself.

Think about if you ran into your ex girlfriend on the street a month from now and you had completely changed the way you looked and acted to be much more attractive than you were when you were with her?

Do you think she would respond well to that?

I do!

The Desired Effect Of The No Contact Rule

In this section I want to talk a little bit about what happens if the no contact rule works.

In other words, in a perfect world what would a successful no contact rule look like.

Above I established there are really two parts to the no contact rule.

  • Part One = The Actual Ignoring Of The Ex
  • Part Two = The Self Improvement

The ignoring of the ex is mean to make her miss you more and if you were super annoying and spammy by sending her a bunch of text messages then it is meant to erase her memory of that.

(I will admit that it’s impossible to erase your ex girlfriends memory of you being desperate and sending text messages to her after a breakup but it’s a lot easier to attempt to get her back when it isn’t fresh on her mind.)

Part two on the other hand is meant to make you look inwards and become the most attractive version of yourself possible.


Two reasons.

Firstly you want to become more attractive to everyone externally (including your ex.) You want peoples perception of you to change from what it is now to a much more attractive perception. Secondly it will give you more confidence in yourself and the more confident you are the easier it is for you to get your ex back.

Strategy Two- The Value Chain


This is a strategy that I have talked about a lot on this site but for some reason men don’t seem to jive with it.


In fact, I would argue that it’s every bit as important as the no contact rule.

Speaking of the no contact rule I have a question for you.

Lets say that you were to complete your no contact rule successfully and you are wondering one thing.

What do you do next?

Well, that’s where this idea of the value chain comes in.

What Is The Value Chain?

I want you to think about sales for a moment.

In a perfect world a salesman would makes sales in the following way.

He would talk with a potential customer for a while and ultimately make the sale. Then after the sale he would try to double down and make a sale via an upsell.


Think of it like this.

When you go to McDonalds what happens?

You buy a meal, right?

What’s the first thing they ask you when you buy the meal?

Would you like to supersize that?


Would you like fries with that?

These are upsells.

They are trying to move you up the value chain.

And you are going to do the same thing with your ex girlfriend using this very same strategy. Obviously you aren’t selling fries or cokes here. You are selling yourself.

So, how does the value chain work?

Take a look at the graphic I created below,


The image above is what I would call the value chain.

Notice how there are three categories and two arrows showing how the value chain is meant to proceed.

So, what I am going to do now is break it down for you a little bit so you know exactly how this works.

When it comes to getting an ex girlfriend back there is a lot of risk involved.

More specifically, there is a lot of risk involved with going fast too soon. So, what you want to do is go very slowly and then up the intensity in how you communicate with your girlfriend over time.

For example, if you look at the first category it clearly states that the first way you want to talk to your ex is through text messaging.

Why is this?

Well, it’s because texting is by far the least threatening form of communication.

The second category is talking on the phone with your ex which can also include video chats and things like that.

Talking on the phone is definitely a little more risky than text messaging which is why it’s second on the value chain.

Finally you have talking to an ex in person.

This is by far the riskiest move.

I mean, can you imagine doing a no contact rule on your ex girlfriend and then just out of the blue messaging her up and asking to see her in person….

That’s a little much.

This is why the value chain is in place.

Lets say that you use the no contact rule (strategy one) on your ex girlfriend for 30 days. The first thing you want to do after that no contact rule is to text her and spend some time building attraction through that medium.

Once enough attraction has been built through text you want to move her up the value chain by talking to her on the phone. Once you are at this point of the value chain you definitely want to keep the momentum going and build enough attraction to finally advance to the final stage, talking to her in person.

This is the value chain in a nutshell.

Lets move on to our next strategy.

Strategy Three: Self Improvement To Get Your Girlfriend Back

self imporevement

Lets take a trip to fantasy land.

Imagine that your girlfriend just broke up with you and you are determined to get her back.

So, you decide that the best way to do that is to improve yourself so much that the next time she “runs” into you she will be blown away and become so attracted that she asks you back.

Is this even a thing?

Can this even work?

Actually yes…

Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast Story

I want to tell you a little story about this through my other site Ex Boyfriend Recovery.

For those of you who are avid readers of Ex Girlfriend Recovery it may shock you to learn that I actually have a sister site to this one called Ex Boyfriend Recovery where I help women get back with their exes.

(EBR actually came before EGR.)

On Ex Boyfriend Recovery I created a podcast where I answer my readers questions and I ended up getting a really interesting question one day that pertains to the strategy we are talking about here.

It turns out that in the third episode of the podcast I heard from a woman who really wasn’t trying to get her ex back.

Instead, she was trying to determine if having your own life actually helped to get an ex back.

This requires some background.

The boyfriend of the woman who asked the question on the podcast had broken up with her but after 2 years he seemed to be interested in restarting things again.

So, what changed?

Well, the woman had launched a successful business and felt at ease in her person life.

This apparently oozed confidence and as a result her ex boyfriend started to become more and more interested in her.

What does this tell us?

It tells us that having a life outside of your ex boyfriend can actually help to get him back.

Health, Wealth And Relationships

So, I am a big believer in what I like to call the holy trinity.

No I am not talking about the bible or anything like that.

I am talking about health, wealth and relationships.


Basically you can divide up your life into three main categories.

Those three main categories are…

Yup, you guessed it,

  1. Health
  2. Wealth
  3. Relationships

These three categories are interconnected.

Now, what I mean by that is that what happens to one category usually can have a positive or negative impact on the other categories.

For example, if you lose 20 lbs then that positively impacts the health category which in turn will make you more confident and could potentially positively impact your relationship category as you talk to your ex girlfriend.

Of course, there are two sides to every coin and if you were to gain 20lbs instead of lose it then that will probably affect your confidence in a negative way and you will probably not be very confident when talking to your ex girlfriend.

So, the health, wealth and relationships strategy of getting your ex girlfriend back goes like this.

You want to maximize your life in each of these three areas of your life.

Health- Get in the best shape of your life, start eating healthier, quit that nasty smoking habit your ex always used to complain about, go see the doctor, go to the dentist, invest in acne medication. Do what you need to do.

Wealth- Do your best to make as much money as you possibly can. If you don’t have a job get one. Start saving up your money.

Relationships- We are obviously working on this one with your ex girlfriend right now but there are other relationships in your life that you can cultivate. Spend more time with friends and family.

Did you notice how the health, wealth and relationships mentality all revolve around self improvement?

Just sayin!

Lets move on to our next strategy.

Strategy Four: The Mixed Signals Strategy

mixed signals

If there is one constant that I see here on Ex Girlfriend Recovery it has to be the fact that you guys are a little too desperate when it comes to getting your girlfriends back.

Let me give you an example.

Lets say that your ex girlfriend were to text you right now.

What would you do?

I mean, this is the woman that you probably want back more than anything at the moment.

Would you be able to keep your cool?

Would you be able to stay in control?


Something tells me you wouldn’t be able to and that “something” is pretty much 90% of the situations I have encountered when answering comments on this site and while in the research phase for my book.

Texting an ex girlfriend can be a little challenging and I definitely understand why.

It’s hard to stay clam and level headed while at the same time trying to manufacture attraction with someone who you love.

I get it…

That’s where the mixed signals strategy comes in.

What Is The Mixed Signals Strategy?

The mixed signals strategy is something I came up with for Ex Girlfriend Recovery on my other site actually.

Now, I know what you are thinking.

“How the heck does that work?”

Think about it for a moment.

I run two successful relationship websites.

Ex Boyfriend Recovery- Where desperate women want to get their ex boyfriends back


Ex Girlfriend Recovery- Where desperate men (that’s you) want to get their ex girlfriends back

EBR (Ex Boyfriend Recovery)…

Where desperate women want their exes back.

But what are the ex boyfriends doing to make their ex girlfriends so desperate?

And that’s where I formulated the idea of the mixed signals strategy.

I basically listened to what the women had to say about their own exes and formulated a strategy for you.

The mixed signals strategy is the result.

But what is it?

Well, the first thing you have to understand about the mixed signals strategy is that it can be done in many different mediums. Think back to the value chain strategy. You remember how I talked about the three mediums (texting, phone, in person?)

The mixed signals strategy can be performed in each of these mediums. However, since I am just really focused on teaching you the strategy and not going into details I am just going to be covering what to do through text messages so you can get the idea of the strategy.

You can grab Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO if you are interested in fleshing the strategy out a bit more.

How The Mixed Signals Strategy Works

Have you ever seen those viral videos where a cat is chasing a ball on a string?

The cat sits in an attack position and when the cat ultimately does pounce the person holding the ball on a strong quickly moves it away. This process continues for around 10 minutes where the cat pounces, misses and the human moves the ball on a string away.

Well, the mixed signals strategy kind of works like that.

Except instead of a cat chasing a ball on a string it’s going to be your ex.


Perhaps you need a visual,

ballon a string

So, you will notice that in the picture above,

The Cat = Your Ex

The Ball On A String = The Mixed Signals

The Person Holding The Ball = You

Lets pretend that you and your ex are texting one day and you decide that you want to employ the mixed signals strategy.

The first thing you do is send a text to her like this,

miss you

Now let me ask you something.

If someone were to send a text like that to you what would you think?

Probably that they missed you, right?

Well, the idea here is to make your ex girlfriend think that and then do the exact opposite thing that a guy who misses a girl would do. In other words, instead of talking to her for an hour through text messages or asking her out on a date you stop the conversation and ignore her for half a day.

So, your ex girlfriend at this point knows a few things.

  1. That you told her that you missed her
  2. That you didn’t act like someone who missed her

You know what happens next, right?

You basically come back into the conversation and do it again.

The idea here is to confuse her so much that she thinks you miss her or like her one minute and the next minute to think you don’t.

This is the mixed signals strategy in a nutshell.

It’s great to use on those stubborn exes who you can’t seem to control conversations on.

Lets take a look at another strategy.

Strategy Five: Tide Theory


I just realized something.

I should have probably put tide theory before the mixed signals strategy.

Oh, well…

Tide theory is probably the most important texting strategy out there but it’s not really about texting.

I mean, it is about texting but not about the specific texts to send. Again, you need to pick up Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO for that. Tide theory is about how to space out texts and how many texts you need to send in a given conversation.

So, I have a question for you.

If you were to use the no contact rule (strategy one) on your ex girlfriend and decided to move her up the value chain ( strategy two) would it be a good idea for you to come out of the gates in a blaze of glory or would it be smart to slowly but surely build the attraction through texts up?

To answer this I need to go back to our motto here at Ex Girlfriend Recovery.

Motto = Slow And Steady Win’s The Race

This is where tide theory comes into play.

Now, I know you are probably sitting there wondering how the heck I came up with the name for “Tide Theory.” It’s because when a tide rises on a beach it doesn’t happen all in one instances. Instead, it happens over the course of hours very slowly but surely. We are trying to achieve the same type of effect with your ex hence the name “tide theory.”

But how do we do that?

Ah, that’s really the question now isn’t it.

We are going to use the scale below.

Day One: 1 to 2 texts

Day Three: 3 to 6 texts

Day Four: 3 to 6 texts

Day Five: 6 to 10 texts

Day Six: 7 to 12 texts

Day Seven: 12 to 15 texts

Day Eight: 15 to 20 texts

Day Nine: 20+ texts

Oh, and just to clarify when I say texts I am not talking about the texts both her and you send combined. I am talking about the text messages that just you send. Also I want you to take notice on how we completely skipped day two. I only did this once because I figured it would be enough for the average person to not seem too desperate. The idea here is to space things out a bit more.

In reality, just following the scale and it’s slow uptick of text messages will keep you out of the desperate territory but if you want to smooth things over even more you can add a day in where you just ignore your ex girlfriend.

I do want to say one last thing before I move on to the next strategy.

This scale is not set in stone.

When it comes to exes everyone is different. In other words, some of you may need to speed up the scale or elongate it. Hence, you can change the scale to your needs.

Lets move on to the next strategy.

Strategy Six: The High Point

There is a story that I love to tell when I talk about “the high point” and guess who it involves?

Yup, your’s truly.

Back when I wasn’t married to this beautiful woman,


No seriously, I married her,


Anyways, back before we were married and still in the “talking” stage she did something that I will never forget.

Care to take a guess at what she did to me?

She was a master at ending the conversations that we had at the high point.

Now, what do you think I mean by that?

What I Mean By “Ending At The High Point”

Every conversation that you will have with another human being will have a high point.

Granted, some high points are higher than others but generally speaking almost every conversation will have one. Now, here is the thing about high points.

Once you find them ideally you should end the conversation immediately.


I want you to think back to some of your favorite TV shows.

Specifically how every episode of that TV show ends.

Generally speaking it ends on a cliffhanger or an “open thread” that forces you to tune back the next week to find out what happens next.

You are trying to achieve this very same effect on your ex girlfriend when you end conversations at the high point.

Let me give you an example.

The Perfect Example Of Ending On The High Point

Lets pretend that you are talking to your ex girlfriend through text messages one day and the two of you are really getting along nicely.

She is digging what you are saying and you are digging what she is saying.

All in all it’s a good time!

At some point during this conversation you stop and think to yourself,

“Wow, I haven’t enjoyed a conversation like this in a long time.”

Oh, and here is the best part.

Your ex girlfriend is having those exact thoughts too.


You have just located the high point of the conversation.

So, why end the conversation there?

Simple, it leaves your ex girlfriend wanting more.

Again, I want to turn your attention to the TV example I just gave you above.

Think of the conversation you just had with your ex as an episode of your favorite TV show and by ending it early you are ending the show on a cliffhanger.

You know what that means, right?

It means that your ex girlfriend is going to have to find out what happens next and it means you are that much more likely to have her contact you and start a new conversation in a day OR she will be 10 times more engaged in conversations with you in the future.

That is the power of ending conversations at the high point.


Written by EGR team mate

Chris Seiter

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59 Comments on "A Comprehensive Guide Of Strategies To Get An Ex Girlfriend Back"

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Update: I got into contact with my ex again this past monday night (June 27th) and we had small convo of 2 texts from me before I let her go for the night. Well after I let her go for the night she had blocked me on instagram and deleted our pictures. Well the next day I messaged her and everything was okay. I asked her if she wanted to talk to me and she said “not really” so I asked her why and she said “it’s too weird” and then I asked her why she had blocked me and… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

let her heal first..and.then use this time to heal too and to improve so that she will trust ro ve friends with you again

Hi my name is Carlos, my girlfriend broke up with me about 1.5 months ago. She currently started dating another guy. I would like to know if I have a chance and if your program will work for me. It was not our first time splitting up. We do have 2 kids together and been on and off for 11 years! Like I said we “broke up” before but for some reason this time feels real. She told me that she really likes her new guy and he might be the one and blah blah blah. I know my situation… Read more »

can you delete my last name lol

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Carlos,

yes I can :).. we can’t gurantee that it will work 100% but it’s still a betyer choice than not doing anything

Hey Chris. Well my ex broke up with me back in May (May 13) and I just graduated from high school, and she’s just now a senior. Now everything was perfect. We bickered about minor things, I was insecure, and then the night before we broke up everything was fine and she said she loved me. I was completely head over heels for this girl. Now the day we broke up she just said “things are different now”, “i enjoyed the relationship at first, but now not so much”, “I fell out of love with you a long time ago”,… Read more »

and she still has our pictures on her instagram and she still views my snapchat stories

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Dakota,

come from a point that she has already moved on and you need to give her space because she thinks your every move is to get her back.. so that means you have to change the way she thinks of you with your improvements in no contact

Hey Chris, My girlfriend of two years broke up with me a week ago. She told me that she doesn’t feel anything towards me, is not attracted to me and wants to be alone. I feel heart broken and I’m struggling without her. Last month it was our anniversary and she told me that she loves me with all her heart and is happy with me. However during the heated break up she told me she hasnt felt anything for the last 4 months. and she blocked my phone number. I want her back and I made the mistake of… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Patrick,

sorry for the late reply.. do you want to do nc?

Steven Edward Angius

Hey Chris,

I just got done with the no contact, and this time, I sent her a message saying I missed her. And she responded “I miss you too bud.” . I’m trying to get out of the friend zone. What do I do now?

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Steven,

Make it flirty once she’s comfortable again, do activites when you’re still friends that would make her want to be with you more

Steven Edward Angius

Thanks for the reply. What kind of activities?

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Activities that you enjoy and can help you grow. Maybe work on a hobby that you were putting off.

Steven Edward Angius
Hi Chris, I just got done with the no contact rule yesterday, and I screwed up on the mixed signal strategy. I was doing research on the mixed signal strategy and what to text her at the same time after the NC period. What I did was send her a text saying I heard a song that made me think of her and ignored her response for half a day before I responded to her later that night. Her response was a neutral “That’s cool”. I forgot to mention that I missed her as well on the first text. What… Read more »
My ex girlfriend and I broke up about one month ago and for a week I tried to fight and beg for her back which (obviously) didn’t work for me. I decided to try NC for one month. But about 21 days into NC she contacted me telling me she still really loves me and hates seeing me this girl I always talk to. She said seeing me with this girl makes her blood pressure rise and gets her extremely mad and jealous. During these texts I showed no attraction or desperation for her. Although it sounds good on my… Read more »

We also were crazy in love with each other. The fire between us could have burned down hundreds of forests. She talked of marriage and having kids together and living together until we were old. I know realize how much I want that and need your help making that possible for me once again.

I’m in what seems like an impossible situation. I followed NC through perfectly, but after she contacted me and we met things were awkward and just confirmed to her that she was right in dumping me. After meeting again as friends I realised that I was helping her move on and sent her an email saying I couldnt be her friend and asking for another chance and she said no. A month went by since then and I texted her saying I was much happier now and would she like to be friends. Understandably she’s now on her guard and… Read more »
Hi Chris…me and my girlfriend are in a relationship for nearly a year, but suddenly last month she started to change like she didn’t text me unless I started to text. I think it is because I have changed my school and we haven’t seen for like 2 months. Then after a week she started to ignore my texts and didn’t reply me for like 3 days. I started to panic and become broken. When I left her lots and lots of messages and asked her that if I have done something wrong. She told me that she don’t want… Read more »
Hi Chris…me and my girlfriend are in a relationship for nearly a year, but suddenly last month she started to change like she didn’t text me unless I started to text. I think it is because I have changed my school and we haven’t seen for like 2 months. Then after a week she started to ignore my texts and didn’t reply me for like 3 days. I started to panic and become broken. When I left her lots and lots of messages and asked her that if I have done something wrong. She told me that she don’t want… Read more »
Sundance Bauman
Hey Chris, I have been taking the free advice on your site and i love what you have done here. my ex has a new boyfriend that she’s been with for approximately three months. i’ve changed a lot of negative behaviors about myself and have accepted the fact that he’s in and i’m out for the time being. she has been sending me mixed signals, on one hand, she told me the other night that she wants to be with me and can’t think about our relationship at all because she is afraid that she would just end up running… Read more »
Hi Chris, Thanks for the great site and e-book. Following a ten year relationship in which my gf lost attraction for me, I have tried to implement the steps you recommend. Started with a modified NC (child/pets), tried to keep myself busy with work, gym, going out with girl friends etc and now have been trying to rebuild some attraction over texts with mixed results. Her responses vary from friendly to short/no responses. Took the last few days off from contacting her and sent a couple playful messages this morning with quick response from her so I tried a “remember… Read more »
Hey Chris So, my girlfriend broke up with me about a month ago by now. Our relationship had been a little rough over the last four months. I had gotten more passive, maybe a bit needy and I think it frustrated her. I wasn’t as happy as I used to – in fact, I was sad and angry. Not at her. Just at life. A month ago, she went on a seminar where she met another man. She kissed him and left me when she came home. After some begging and broken emotions, I went into no contact. We live… Read more »

Hey Chris,

I know you say you check your comments more often, I sent you an email regarding something with a bit of a different situation, whenever you get a chance to reply would be great! Thanks man, feels like Iike this site really gives us some hope and productivity.

Hey chris , Update 1. Sent her an across the bow text , got a positive response , nothing deep just ended it really short and sweet. two problems 1. She doesn’t initiate contact it has been three days . 2.How to really know how what she really feels about things or where she stands, as of now she is just being curt and polite , i want her to open up , i want to either see her cry or jump with excitement (preferring the latter) also she is under the impression i am dating someone else which i… Read more »
Oh and one more thing i really believe she didnt contact me during NC and is extremely passive rite now because i apologized too many times for my mistakes that were small , she made mistakes too but i feel she thinks she has the moral high ground as i never showed her , her mistakes and she feels like she is some big victim in all this the one being taken granted for. please do suggest an action because i have come to believe as long as she is in that zone she can treat me the way she… Read more »
Hi Chris! Let’s say I do everything you write and I follow every single advice you give me. What if my ex girlfriend just responds politely to my texts? Let’s assume my text are like you say (first just funny than slowly hitting emotional buttons.. What if she just answers politely showing no emotions? I know my inputs arrive where I want, and still her reactions can be fake. But am I supposed to stick to the plan even if I Can get no sign of commitment? I mean.. Can I clap with one hand? Let assume my texts are… Read more »
Hi Chris! Let’s say I do everything you write and I follow every single advice you give me. What of my ex girlfriend just responds politely to my texts? Let’s assume my text are like you say (first just funny than slowly hitting emotional buttons.. What if she just answers politely showing no emotions? I know my inputs arrive where I want, and still her reactions can be fake. But anche I suppose to stick to the plan even if Can get no sign of commitment? I mean.. Can I clap with one hand? Let assume my texts are interesting… Read more »
Hey Chris, I am confused right now with my situation with my ex girlfriend. We broke up about 2 months ago, both 23. she broke up with me in May because we could not get along (spent too much time together), and seemed very serious. i begged and pleaded the day of, but then went NC. we stayed broken up for a good 3 weeks no contact after she came back worried I had moved on. We got back together and told each other that the pain we had felt from the breakup we never wanted to experience again. so… Read more »

Please help me out Chris?


When you are in the friend zone after the the no contact, do you do the the reverse friend zone and mixed messages at the same time? And When do you stop doing the friend zone?

VERY UNIQUE SITUATION, PLEASE READ… So I’m a mormon who is going on a 2 year mission to serve the lord in Seattle in like two weeks and i can only send letters or emails once a week, i just barely broke up with an LDR and now we are in the best friend zone, she and somewhat her family found me somewhat annoying and just simply not the one she should pursue, they still think I’m a very nice guy but thats not what i want, she has bipolar and so sometimes her feelings come back, how would I… Read more »

P.S. We were also madly in love and were considering marriage and we broke up just like a week ago, very minimal hard feelings, it was smoother than most guess, but she is hard set on that im not the one and lost all feelings for me, even though we are still best friends which i dont want to loose that part of the relationship either but dont want to stay in it aswell, i also don’t know if i should even tell her i love her anymore which i still do.


sorry I really love your advice but that was my second comment idk if you saw the first, I promise I’m not trying to be rude thanx for everything


How long should i go into it because since i can only send only one letter once a week, im afraid she will just forget about me

Hey Chris. So we were together over a year, never had any arguments, still went on dates and had sex almost every time we saw each other. But then she dumped me about 1.5 months ago, as she started talking to a guy from her past, who had just moved back to the area. Stupidly, for about a week i begged, and tried to ‘fight’ for her, which obviously didn’t work. She said she still cared about me and she wanted to stay friends. Anyway, i read your site, and have been in no contact for a month now. (Since… Read more »

Hi Chris my Ex will go to coleague in a different country soon.Shall i contact her first?I haven’t talked or seen her for almost 2 months.I followed the NC rule but she didn’t contact me.I guess she really moved on for real

Of course i would move for her.But it doesn’t matter what I want.The problem was that I loved her so much and I think it was too much for her.I don’t think if I can send her this test text because it’s been almost 2 months since we broked out and I was the one who always texted her first and I don’t want to be hurt again.If she wants to initiate contact i will reply but i know she won’t and this hurts me.She is a cold person and I am the opposite.The good part is that thanks to… Read more »
Hey Chris! I am having issues with trying to get my long distance girlfriend back. I’ve read at least 9 of your guides on this site because other complications have set in plus I truly have a passion for learning good relationship advice. Also, my situation is super unusual and I’m a guy who likes to make sure to be detailed as possible. As such, I fear that while typing up my reply here, it was so huge and wordy that I feel like it was longer than one of your guides (actually have a few different drafts saved on… Read more »
Update: Sorry for how long all that was, probably should have cut to the chase and left out all that personal detail. So she and I were talking as friends, I managed to make her super happy even though we are broken up. At one point, I really fudged it all up. I was on Facebook typing someone’s name in the search bar, but made a typo and on the drop down list of suggestions, the guy she’s living with came up and it was a picture of them at a football game. I got upset passive aggressively and she… Read more »
Hey Chris I’m trying to do things slow but recently I met my ex and we had a wonderful day. We even kissed each other. Now we will meet again but I don’t know how to get to the next stept. She told me that she likes to be with me and enjoys the time together but she doesn’t feel ready to be a couple again. I’m really afraid of talking about us, because if I do, I will mess it up. So what do you recommend me to do? What is she trying to do? Why doesn’t she want… Read more »
Chris, Please help me out by getting back to me. I am very confused right now with my situation with my ex girlfriend. We broke up about 2 months ago, both 23. We have discussed marriage, know we are both more passionate about long term relationships and growing together rather than multiple meaningless sexual partners. We did have a couple incidents where my ex entertained another guy flirting with her at a club, I was not there, but he ended up trying to call her one night while we were hanging out around 2AM, and I got mad why he… Read more »
Hey Chris, I’ve been split up with my ex now for a month or so [together 1 year], Friday will mark 30 days NC which I have stuck to! In that time I’ve lost weight, picked up new sports and got back in to the gym, and I start a new job tomorrow. I haven’t heard from her, apart from the first day of NC when she messaged me saying that she’d loved every minute of this year, that I’ll forever have her heart and had no idea how much she loved me and that she’ll always love me. I’ve… Read more »
I just read your mixed signals strategy… I feel sick that this is something anybody would do intentionally. The mixed signals you describe (saying one thing and behaving another) is exactly the reason I broke up with my boyfriend. It is exactly what caused conflicts between us and caused us to fight and break up. I never knew where I stood! I didn’t feel loved! I am sickened that that foolishness is being taught to men it’s no wonder they don’t know how to treat a woman! This strategy is designed to drive women crazy sending them on an emotional… Read more »
Hello Chris, Thanks for uploading this current article, it’s exactly what I needed to see today. Below is a summary of my experience since implementing NC, and at the end are the questions I have. I’m going to break down how everything has gone so far. I implemented a 43 day NC period. On day 26 of NC period she deleted me off FB. After that on day 31 of NC I ran into her at an event 3 times that I knew she was going to be at and I did as Pro said, I ignored her, and she… Read more »
Chris, Please help me out by getting back to me. I am very confused right now with my situation with my ex girlfriend. We broke up about 2 months ago, both 23. We have discussed marriage, know we are both more passionate about long term relationships and growing together rather than multiple meaningless sexual partners. We did have a couple incidents where my ex entertained another guy flirting with her at a club, I was not there, but he ended up trying to call her one night while we were hanging out around 2AM, and I got mad why he… Read more »
My girlfriend and i decided to call things off yesterday, I had a hard time accepting this decision and tried to talk with her about it to see if she would change her mind at all Ex. ” I just want the opportunity to show you i can fix this given the chance.” She told me she didn’t love me any more and there was not trust never to come back again. I told her i would respect her decision and take my step back. Our relationship was great, our connection was like none i have felt before, im very… Read more »
Hey Chris, first I’d like to thank you for this website without you I wouldn’t know about the contact rule. My relationship with my ex lasted only one month (an exciting one though) which gets me worried that getting her back will be impossible, I’m not sure of the reason why she broke up with me as everything was fine until she went on a vacation with her family and started acting distant then she told me that she doesn’t love me anymore and that she got bored of all of this, probably because I was calling her everyday until… Read more »

Thanks. I have something else to ask you ,I remember how my ex girlfriend felt after I texted her ”good morning beautiful” for the first time (it was before we started dating) and she told me that my text gave her energy for the rest of the day so I thought about breaking the no contact rule with something like this ”good morning beautiful, I just saw something that made me think of you”, what do you think ?


I had promised my ex a birthday gift (a necklace) but since we broke up and I went into the no contact I didn’t get the opportunity to give it to her, do you think I should give it to her the next time I meet with her or I have to wait ?