By Chris Seiter

Updated on July 9th, 2022

So the short answer to how you go about getting that second chance is you need a plan.  Your ex girlfriend is not going to buy-in if she thinks you have not learned your lesson or that you are not worthy of her trust.  

Think of asking for that second chance as something you build up to. 

And if at any time your ex girlfriend thinks that you were not up front or suspects that you are just going to repeat the same mistakes, then forget it because giving you another shot is a risky proposition for her.

Even the most sensible ex recovery plan won’t bail you out if your ex girlfriend feels manipulated.

Trust me, you have probably broken her heart and she is not going to be in any mood to go rushing back into the same relationship unless something major has changed.

Nevertheless, the truth is that almost all couples deserve as second chance.  You just need to clear the right hurdles. 

So what you need to learn are the steps you need take to position yourself where she can look you up and down and say to herself, “yes, I want him back and I will give him another shot”.

9 Steps To Getting Your Ex Girlfriend To Take A Chance With You Again

As you agonize on what to do, you may think to yourself, “I just want her to let me back in“. 

If only it could be so easy.  If we could think things and wish for things and if they all came true, you would never have to worry about your ex girlfriend giving up on you.

But truth is that you have a lot of work ahead of you. You probably broke her heart and she is not soon forgetting.  So you need to have an Ex Recovery Strategy that convinces your ex that you are worthy of a Second Chance.

Let’s get started with first step of chipping away at your ex girlfriend’s frosty heart.

1. Don’t Ask Too Soon For A Second Chance

The smart move right out of the box is to not try so hard.  I see a lot of guys try to rush back into the relationship, begging and pleading with their ex girlfriend to just give them one more chance. 

They figure if they get to her fast and really turn on the emotion and make their case, she certainly would open up her heart and let you back in.  But you would be wrong if you followed this line of thinking.

In a lot of these cases, your ex girlfriend needs time to process what has happened.  She may very well be split over what she wants. Part of her may want you back. Another part of her may still be upset and wants you to suffer. 

So don’t go asking for a second chance until you have done some priming to get your ex ready to hear what you have to say and see what you have done.

2. Forgive Yourself First

Now certainly, you are looking for your ex girlfriend to forgive you.  But first you need to invest some time into some self discovery. You need to take a hard look at the things you did in the relationship that caused your ex not to want to trust you again.

Once you face up to your shortcomings, then accept you have lessons still to learn.  Now you are half way there.  You will have an opportunity in most cases to show her you have accepted responsibility. But don’t dwell on the past and beat yourself up.  Forgive yourself.

You will need to get your act together if you want her to give you a second shot.  So aim to move past your mistakes.  Take responsibility and then embrace the actions you will need to implement in the future. This is instrumental in the ex recovery process,  otherwise you will get in your own way.

3. Show Your Ex Girlfriend You Have Changed

So one thing your ex girlfriend will be looking for before she agrees to giving you a second chance is if you have changed in some meaningful ways.

She doesn’t want to just get back with the same guy that who was making all those same mistakes. You are going to have to demonstrate you have learned some valuable life lessons.

You will need to show some class and humility and demonstrate to your ex girlfriend you have made some core changes to correct the problems that eroded her trust.

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4. Show Patience – Your Ex Will Give You a Second Chance When She is Ready

smiling ex girlfriend

So if you think this is going to be easy – that you are going to be able to sweet talk or pour out your heart and she will come running – think again.

If you left her for some idiotic reason and now want back in, it’s possible your path will be somewhat easier.  But if she left you because she just couldn’t cope with it all, you have your work cut out for you to get back on her good side.

So be patient.  You don’t want to blow this by trying to rush this process.  You won’t get many opportunists for a 2nd chance with your ex girlfriend.  Indeed, you might just only get this one shot.

So don’t push too hard or show signs that your are desperate.  Such behavior  has the signs of “loser” written all over it. 

Trust me, your ex girlfriend is not going to be attracted to someone who she perceives is weak or emotionally fragile.

5. Be Consistent In Your Behavior

One of things that may have been missing in your previous relationship with your ex was your lack of being consistent. I am talking about consistently showing kindness and appreciation.  I am talking about listening to her consistently.  I am referring to being the guy she can count on to be there for her.

So part of your quest is to be able to demonstrate you are capable of being consistently trustworthy and reliable. I know that can be hard in some situations if you are in no contact.  But even then, there are ways to showcase the new you.  

If alcohol or drugs was a big issue, then showing her that you have turned the corner and it’s not lip service you paying to it, but actual day in and day out commitment to the all new “you”.  

Your ex girlfriend will notice when you are behaving in a way that complies with her expectation of someone who is worth of second or even third chance.

6. Don’t Give Up If She Insists She Won’t Give You Another Shot

So sometimes you are going to run up against a brick wall. 

Your ex girlfriend may tell you that “no, I don’t want to give you a second chance”.  She may argue that you will just blow it or that you don’t deserve it. 

She may insist that she has lost all trust for you and it’s over, so forget any opportunity for a do over.

That happens, but it does not necessarily mean that you are doomed.  If you get rejected, handle it with class and return to your ex recovery plan, rework it,  and came back at her from a different angle.

Maybe there is some area that needs shoring up.  Maybe someone can intervene in your behalf.  But don’t quit at the first sign of adversity.

7. Sometimes Grand Gestures Can Work

Every once in a while when you are backed up against the fence, with your ex girlfriend seemingly not wanting anything to do with you, you need to pull out all the stops. 

Consider doing something that she would never expect and once it’s presented to her, she will have little choice to accept it as a grand gesture of genuine love.

So what might that be?  Well,  I can’t say for sure because every relationship is different.  Your girlfriend will have her own set of hot buttons that when pushed, will melt her heart to the extent she will feel obliged to at least considering giving you a second chance.

Sit down with pen and paper and start brainstorming with yourself or  a close friend and don’t stop until you come up with at least 10 ideas.  Then trim them down to the top 3.  Wait a few days to reflect on your options, then chose your big bad idea and then do it.

8. Don’t Betray Her Trust In You Once Given

When you are finally able to break through that wall your ex girlfriend has erected for you to climb – when you finally get over that big hurdle, don’t give it all back by doing or saying something foolish.

You have come this far.  Don’t betray her trust. If you get that second chance, accept the opportunity with humility.

9. Write Your Ex Girlfriend a Letter of Appreciation After She Lets You Back In Her Life

So once you have a second chance, it’s time for you to do something classy which should reinforce to her that she made the right decision.

Write her a letter expressing your appreciation for her trusting in you again and believing that the relationship deserves to live on.

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This should not look like any ordinary letter.  It should stand out in appearance and in how you deliver it to her. 

Make it a moment she won’t soon forget.	

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