It would seem like an innocent question. After all, why wouldn’t you give your ex a second chance given all of the time you have invested in the relationship.
Did your ex girlfriend do something so horrible that she doesn’t deserve another shot at making it right?
What if your ex did something really awful that it made you sick in the heart and so angry that you can barely stand to look at her?
Like constantly lying to you or the unimaginable…. sleeping around? Under those circumstances would you be justified in denying her any chance of ever being with you again?
Well the truth is that the answers to these Big Questions are not so easy to grapple with.
If truth be told, what you do and how you go about it really depends on numerous factors.
So be wary of any clear, pat answers, like: “Everybody deserves a second try”. You should also be wary of a rushing to judgement…. “She pissed me off, so that’s it. I will never give her another shot at making things right”.
So what in the heck are we suppose to do?
Well, I would advocate that your answer depends largely on the set of factors and circumstances that are at play.
If you weigh those carefully, then you will likely be closer to choosing the right path to take.
What Factors Should I Consider Before Deciding If My Ex Girlfriend Deserves a Second Try?
As with any other important question, you should start with trying to understand the fuller picture of what happened and why.
Then using some good old fashioned common sense and logic, you should be better prepared to decide if your ex girlfriend should be given another shot of making things right.
Except things are not so clear much of the time. Sometimes we don’t have all of the facts. Sometimes we can deceive ourselves, weakened by the enormity of it all. Or we may fall prey to being misled by others which can then lead to an unfortunate chain of events.
So let me offer you some guidelines on how you should go about thinking about all of this.
What Combination of Facts and Circumstances Favor Giving Your Ex Another Chance?
- Consider just how much time you both have invested in the relationship. Long term couples have usually accumulated a lot of experiences together and if you can honestly conclude that much of this past history has been positive, then it’s probably worth pursuing your ex.
- Has your ex Girlfriend done something recently to cause you to re-evaluate your thinking as to the potential for this relationship? If she can demonstrate that she truly understands the problem and wants to be part of the solution, then you may want to pursue things in slow manner.
- If the two of you are rebounding off of a highly spirited argument that led to the breakup, then it is very possible you both allowed conflict to cloud your better judgement. So take a close look at what circumstances immediately led to the partying of ways. Just perhaps these things don’t rise to the level of relationship busting.
- If you did something that led to all of this conflict, but are now ready to own up to your past mistakes, then it may be time to give it another go.
- Let’s say your ex girlfriend approaches you with a genuine apology and suggests that the two of you should reconcile. Unless there are other negative factors at play, then consider meeting her halfway.
Which Combination of Facts and Circumstances Argue Against Giving Her Another Try?
Sometimes it is not so wise to rush right back into her arms. So let’s explore those circumstances that may give you pause about resuming the relationship once again.
- Your ex girlfriend has immediately reached out. She is in a real hurry to make amends. It all sounds genuine. But sometimes it is not wise to rush back in without taking a little time – each of you. You don’t necessarily have to completely shut her down. Just say that what you are hearing sounds encouraging, but you want to take things slow and need some private time before resuming things as before.
- If your relationship with your ex girlfriend is littered with a lot of breakups, then giving her another chance, just because she is asking for it, is usually not the best course of action. This is where you should just be upfront and explain that you need some quality time alone to sort through things. If she is moving along the right path, then she should respect that. If not, then it’s just another reason to avoid resuming the relationship.
- Let’s say you left your ex girlfriend for reasons that you thought made perfect sense at the time. But now you are having second thoughts and are not sure what to do. She is starting to make noises about wanting to try things again. You don’t have to completely shut her down. But you do need to guard against your impulses. Our emotions can take control of us. Put logic ahead of your emotions and re-examine why you left her in the first place. If the problem has not been fixed, then neither of your are ready.
- There are some situations in which getting back together is just plain WRONG. If there has been a history of physical or emotional abuse, giving your ex another shot is usually just asking for more trouble.
- The relationship landscape is also littered with failures when people ignore obvious signs that their ex isn’t ready. For example, it’s a bad sign if she has been pleading and begging. It may cause you to feel for her and even second guess whether you have done the right thing by breaking it off, but guess what? Allowing your ex girlfriend back in your life when she is coming at you from a position of weakness will usually go nowhere fast. Give it some time.