“You learn more from your mistakes than you do from your successes.”
Any idea who came up with that quote?
I would be shocked if you did because I am actually the one that came up with it.
Good ole Chris Seiter,
Ex Girlfriend Recovery “Expert” Extraordinaire.
(Try saying that 3 times fast?)
It turns out that, that particular quote is going to tie directly into what we are going to be talking about today with your ex girlfriend.
You see, today we are going to be focusing on the most fatal mistakes that men make when they are trying to get their ex girlfriends back.
But perhaps more importantly I am going to be giving you solutions for how to proceed if you have committed these fatal mistakes.
For example, if you were to say, call your ex girlfriend up 20,000 times in a day I will be giving you a quick game plan on what to do to improve your odds of winning her back in the future.
Now, before I dive into explaining the format of this page I do want to mention that I am not going to be pulling any punches with you today. There are some people out there that are content with telling you what you want to hear but I am not going to be one of those people.
No, I am a straight shooter.
I always have been.
So, if I deem a certain mistake truly “fatal” then I am not going to sit here and tell you that you have a chance when you don’t.
But more on that in a second.
Lets first take a look at how I am going to be setting this page up.
The Format Of This Page
There are three things I want you to keep an eye out for on this page.
What are these three things?
- The Mistakes
- The Solution
Lets take a moment to explain each of these things.
It’s easy to figure out what a mistake is, right?
Basically what I am going to be doing is describing the mistake you could have potentially made when trying to get your ex girlfriend back and why it was a mistake.
Don’t worry though, I am not going to leave you out to dry…
I figured it wouldn’t really help you at all if I pointed out your mistakes and offered absolutely no solution at all on how to fix the mistake.
I mean, that’s kind of a mean thing to do if you really think about it.
It’s like me sitting there, telling you that you are dumb and then not even helping you out at all when you need it the most (which I found is what so many of my peers do.) So, in addition to pointing out all the mistakes that men make when trying to win their girlfriends back I am going to give an in-depth solution to that mistake on how to fix it.
Have you ever played Mortal Combat?
Well, if you have then I am sure you recognize this,
There are some mistakes that men make that are EXTREMELY hard to overcome and while I will be providing a solution for these mistakes I am also going to be making them with a “FATALITY” in the title.
What does the fatality mean?
Well, it means that if you committed a fatality mistake you have a very hard upward battle ahead if you want to win your ex girlfriend back.
Now, I am not saying that your chances are completely ruined all I am saying is that they are diminished.
(I am mostly doing the FATALITY thing to show you which mistakes are the worst.)
Anyways, enough of this chit chat.
Lets get right down to business.
The first mistake we are going to be looking at today is going to be begging.
Mistake 1- Begging For Her Back
Why begging for an ex girlfriend back seems to be a mans first instinct after a break up is beyond me.
I take that back.
I think I do understand where a man gets his instinct to beg for a woman back from.
As men we like to have our ego fed. We like feeling wanted. So, in our minds someone begging for us to be with them makes us feel wanted. Well, if you are begging for your ex girlfriend back then you are applying this logic.
For example, as you are begging for your girlfriend back you are thinking to yourself,
“Wow, if someone was doing to me what I am doing to her (with the begging) I would be over the moon.
There’s just one problem.
Women aren’t wired the way we are.
Look, as much as women hate to admit it they like men who are alphas and there is nothing alpha about a man who sits there and begs for her back.
Women don’t have the internal need for feeling wanted that men do because they feel wanted all the time.
Now, I will admit that there are some rare cases where begging works but 95% of the time it won’t (and in those cases where it does work it is when the guy cheated on the girl and and the girl refuses to take him back unless he begs.)
What it all boils down to is your positioning.
If you are begging for a girl back then you are in a position of weakness.
You aren’t going to get your ex girlfriend back for a position of weakness. Rather, you will get her back from a position of power.
So, the solution for overcoming this mistake has more to do with repositioning yourself into a position of power more than anything.
The Solution To Begging
Right now, where things stand you really don’t have a great shot of winning your ex girlfriend back. You begged for her back and unfortunately there isn’t a time machine that you can hop on and erase the begging mistake.
Don’t freak out though.
Winning her back is possible you are just going to have to change the game a bit.
Remember what I said above about repositioning yourself?
Well, what if I were to tell you that there is actually a really simple way that you can do this and change the game to your favor?
Look, you have already set a pretty strong precedent in your girlfriends mind that you want her back. So, for the time being we are going to have to accept that. While this isn’t really an advantageous position it is something we can work with.
Since you begged for your girlfriend back she is probably expecting you to continue begging for her back (especially if the breakup is still pretty fresh.)
I want you to do the exact opposite.
I realize that is obvious.
You were begging for her back and you need to stop.
But I want you to take it a step further.
I want you to completely cut her out of your life in every form imaginable via the no contact rule.
We are going to operate under the assumption that your ex girlfriend likes having her ego stroked by you through your begging.
Now, I will be the first to admit that this is a trait that is more common to men but there are plenty of women out there who just long to feel wanted by a man. So, when the begging and communication stops altogether she is going to sit up and think to herself,
“I actually kind of miss the begging…”
In addition to that the no contact rule can accomplish something else.
This “something else” is an internal idea that I have in my mind so it might be hard to explain (especially since it is 2 in the morning as I am writing this) but I will do my best.
As an ex recovery expert I am always studying experiences from the readers I have here at Ex Girlfriend Recovery.
You know what I have never seen before?
A man who doesn’t accept the breakup with his ex but instead of crying, begging or acting crazy he just goes full robot mode and goes right into a no contact rule on his ex. During the no contact rule he focuses on things that only benefit him. Every action he takes is to his benefit and as a result he starts to heal from the breakup.
Well, by the time the no contact rule ends and he is ready to try to get his girlfriend back he is at a completely different place than he was when the breakup initially occurred.
In fact, he has grown so strong in this no contact period that he kind of doesn’t even care if he gets his girlfriend back or not.
THIS is the position of power I am talking about.
Now, let me ask you a question.
Do you think a man who follows the “something special” plan I just laid out above has a better shot of winning his ex back than a guy who begged for his ex back?
Mistake 2- Not Having A Clear Game Plan For Getting Your Girlfriend Back (FATALITY)
Yay, we have our first fatality!
Is it weird that I just got excited about that?
Did you know that in addition to this site I also own another relationship website called Ex Boyfriend Recovery?
I noticed something today when I was on it that I think is relevant to what we are talking about with mistake #2. About 3 weeks ago with Ex Boyfriend Recovery I launched a podcast (which is essentially like a radio show for the internet.)
The premise of the show is that I let women call in and ask me anything they want about their ex boyfriends. After I listen to their questions I then provide my take on their situation and give them a game plan to go forward.
As it turns out creating a podcast show is a lot of work.
I had to learn a lot of new skills just to be considered halfway decent.
Well, today I did something that I had never done before.
In an effort to change things up I tried recording five episodes in one day (I only got through three if you are wondering.)
I usually have a routine when I record a podcast episode.
I usually take out a notebook and plan out the entire episode before I record it. This way I always have a reference sheet that I can look at while I am recording so I can stay on point.
Well, today I did this routine for the first episode I recorded but not the second and third ones.
Want to know what I learned by doing this?
I learned that if I don’t game plan these episodes beforehand then I am not nearly as effective and it takes twice as long to complete an episode.
Turns out that game plans matter a lot.
This got me thinking about the men on this site that are trying to get their ex girlfriends back without a game plan.
These men are crazy?
Getting an ex girlfriend back is hard enough but doing it without a game plan…
That’s just crazy.
I would compare it to a blind man trying to run a marathon.
The odds of success just aren’t very good.
It truly is a fatal mistake if you don’t have a well thought out and focused plan to get your ex girlfriend back.
Luckily, I have just the solution for you.
The Solution To Not Having A Game Plan
Plain and simple.
Look, I am here to help you in any way that I can so your game plan doesn’t even have to be from this website.
Though I would definitely recommend formulating your game plan based on this website since I always do my best to make things as easy as possible for you.
Here are a few recommendations on game plans you should follow if you are going to try to get your ex girlfriend back,
- Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO– My step by step guide on how you can win your ex girlfriend back.
- How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back– This was the very first thing I ever wrote for the site and this 12,000 word behemoth still holds true today. Yup, it’s that good!
- How To Make Your Ex Girlfriend Miss You– This guide is all about helping you understand the art that goes into making a woman miss you.
If you really think about it everything that I write for this site can be considered a game plan.
Heck, even this page is a game plan.
Granted, it’s a game plan for what NOT to do but it’s a game plan nevertheless.
Lets move on to another mistake.
Mistake 3- Getting Into A Fight With Your Ex Girlfriend Post Breakup
Who here is guilty of this?
Raise your hand.
Why is this such a mistake?
Simple, if you are trying to get your ex girlfriend back then all you are doing by getting into a fight with her is further pushing her away.
It’s tricky though, because women always seem to know exactly what to say to put us into rage mode.
Ok, maybe not that bad.
Still though, once you are in rage mode you are sticking to your guns and you don’t care how gets in your way.
Hey, I have been there.
However, you need to realize that every single time you get into a fight with your ex girlfriend you are further damaging your chances of getting her back.
What I would like to do now is tell you a story from my own life.
Lets wind back the clock all the way to high school.
God… that was 10 years ago.
Am I that old?
Anyways, at that point in time I was still a pimply faced teenager who had a lot to learn about relationships. I was just going through my first breakup so when you add the immaturity of my age with the anger that I was experiencing from the breakup you get a recipe for disaster.
For the record I was the one that broke up with her.
(Just thought I would throw that in there 😉 .)
Well, about seven days after the breakup I decided that I wanted to see my ex in person for more closure.
As luck would have it that was also the day that my ex girlfriend decided to reach out to me with a phone call.
The conversation went exactly like this,
Me: Did you need something…
Her: I feel weird about the way we left things…
Me: Me too…
Me: Would you like to meet up sometime and talk things out?
Her: No, I’m not allowed
Me: What do you mean?
Her: My parents told me that I can’t date for a year
It was at this point that I flew into a rage and the two of us got into a fight.
A little back story: Her parents were a problem in our relationship and caused many hardships so I wasn’t pleased to hear that she was letting them control her life even further.
The final post breakup fight ended up being so bad that the two of us really never spoke again.
(One or two times here or there but that’s it.)
Fights can be devastating to your chances of getting your girlfriend back.
The Solution To Post Breakup Fights
There are really two ways we are going to have to attack this.
What are those two ways?
Man, you are so inquisitive today!
- How to prevent fights with your ex girlfriend
- What to do if you have already gotten into a fight with your ex girlfriend.
Lets start first with how to prevent fights.
You are going to hate to hear this but you are going to have to fall on your sword for the cause brother…
You are going to have to let her be right.
I know, I know, it really sucks.
However, for the sake of keeping the peace and not potentially starting a fight it’s best to keep your mouth shut where you would have otherwise started world war 3.
It’s not forever…
It’s just for now.
Lets turn our attention to how to work your way out of a situation where you have already started a fight with your ex girlfriend.
In the case where you and your girlfriend are like this to each other,
I guarantee you that there is nothing you can say that is going to fully fix the situation like time will.
Yup, the only thing that can have a major impact on things is by letting time pass.
So, I highly recommend doing the no contact rule in this case.
Not only will it let time go by but it will give your ex girlfriend the opportunity to miss you.
Mistake 4- Trying To Win Her Back With Presents
I get it.
I really do.
It’s this idea that Hollywood has implanted in us that grand gestures commonly seen at the end of romantic movies will work to your advantage.
In other words, you think that if you buy your ex girlfriend a dozen roses, light the sidewalk with candles and romanticize things she will pick up the phone, call and tell you that she made a mistake by leaving you.
Speaking from experience any time I have gone out of my way to spoil a woman with grand gestures (who I wasn’t in a relationship with) has never worked out.
Let me give you an example.
In my first year of college I met a girl who I took a liking to.
For the purposes of this article we are going to call her Katie.
Well, Katie seemed to have a crush on me as well so as things were progressing we tried to find out more about each other (which is pretty common.) I will never forget that she told me that she had never had a boyfriend that had done anything special for her.
The specific example she gave was that she never had a boyfriend decorate her car in a sweet manner.
You need a visual don’t you?
Ok, picture something like this (but less girly and more marker on the car,)
Now, being the kind of listener I am I filed this knowledge away to use at a later date.
In my mind I figured that I could use it to my advantage to gain points and further progress our relationship.
Well, one day the opportunity presented itself and I took advantage by decorating her car with washable magic marker. Now, I didn’t say “I love you” or anything that intense. I just stuck to inside jokes and said sweet things that I still think to this day any girl would love to hear.
After I was finished I went home and patiently waited a text response from her.
About 3 hours later I got this,
Looking good for me, right?
Initially when I read the text I thought I earned some serious points but a funny thing started happening immediately after that.
I began to notice that Katie was becoming more and more distant. Well, the more distant she became the harder I pressed to keep the flame alive. This was my biggest mistake because it was at this point that she told me flat out that she wasn’t looking for a boyfriend since she had just come out of a relationship.
Two weeks later she was in a relationship with someone else...
So, what happened here?
I did everything I was supposed to, right?
I mean, I did the big grand gesture to her that she always wanted.
Where did I go wrong?
It wasn’t until a woman friend of mine explained the full extent of gifts and grand gestures that I finally understood my mistake.
(We are going to call my woman friend Carol)
I went to Carol with my situation and she explained exactly what was going on in this girls mind.
You see, when Katie had explained her fantasy/daydream of having her car decorated to me I subconsciously took that information as if she wanted me to decorate her car. Carol explained that this wasn’t necessarily what she meant.
What Katie really wanted was a BOYFRIEND to do that for her or at the very least a guy that she was considering to be her boyfriend.
I was not Katie’s boyfriend and I had not built up enough attraction with her yet to be considered in the running for being a boyfriend.
This should hit home for you because you (probably) recently went through a breakup and your ex girlfriend is in a very upset state.
In her mind you are no longer her boyfriend and you haven’t built up enough attraction yet for her to be considering you for being a boyfriend again.
This means that any grand gesture you put into action or any expensive item you buy her is going to be meaningless to her.
Essentially you are doing nothing to help yourself at all.
So, how do you solve this problem?
The Solution To Buying Her Presents
The thing that really matters here is her frame of mind.
Your ex girlfriend has to be in the right frame of mind to be receptive to grand gestures and gifts.
So, my advice to you is to not do any huge grand gestures or buy her any presents until the time is right.
This begs the question, when is the time right?
I have a motto.
“Better safe than sorry.”
I outlined to instances where it was safe to do grand gestures and buy presents.
Do you remember what those instances were?
- If you are in a relationship with her
- If you are 100% sure that she is considering you to be her boyfriend.
If you are abiding by my motto then the only time that you should give your ex girlfriend a present or make a big grand gesture is if you are back in a relationship with her. Since there is no way you can be 100% sure if she is considering you to be her boyfriend again I would stay away from it completely.
“Better safe than sorry I always say!”
Mistake 5- You Are A Gnat To Her (FATALITY)
I am going to throw a couple situations out below and you tell me if these sound annoying to you.
“You are walking down the road and all of a sudden you get swarmed by gnats. They buzz around your head everywhere you go. You start walking right and they are still there. You start walking left and they are still there. Heck, you even sprint 20 yards and when you stop you look up to see if they are still there and they are…”
Pretty annoying, right?
Ok, try this one on for size.
“You are working on your computer on something super important. I mean, this task you are doing on your computer is so important that it feels like the world will end if you don’t complete it. Just as you are hitting your stride in completing it someone comes in and starts asking you a bunch of questions. Now, you are a super nice person so you try to do both things at once (answer their questions and do the important task.) After some time passes the person leaves you alone and you are able to get back to focusing on your world saving task 100%. Then five minutes later the person comes back and starts asking you a new set of questions while you are doing your task. Holding true to form you are super nice and try to do both things at once (the task and answering this persons questions.) Again, after some time passes the person leaves. Of course, five minutes later the person comes back. This process repeats itself over and over again.”
This would annoy the heck out of me.
Ok, here is my question for you.
Do you understand what I am trying to accomplish with these stories?
Do you see the point I am trying to make?
- In story one you are the gnats and your ex girlfriend is the person that the gnats are buzzing around.
- In story two you are the person that is constantly interrupting the person doing the all important world saving task.
Some men are literally this annoying to their ex girlfriends after a breakup by engaging in something I like to call gnatting.
Now, there are many different mediums that someone can “gnat” in but the result is always the same.
A gnat appears desperate, annoying and will always fail to get his girlfriend back.
(This is a fatality after all)
Lets take texting as an example.
If you and your ex girlfriend break up and the next day you send her 15 text messages that look like this,
Then you have just become the annoying gnats in story one or the annoying person that constantly interrupts in story two.
Put yourself in your ex girlfriends shoes.
She wants an alpha male.
A man who is confident with himself…
A man who knows what he is doing…
She doesn’t want some needy, desperate and annoying guy on the verge of begging for her back (see mistake 1.)
Well, if you gnat then you become needy, desperate and especially annoying.
Now, this isn’t a well known fact but at it’s core gnatting has a lot to do with the volume of communication you send after the breakup. In other words, it goes WAY overboard.
Of course, gnatting isn’t just strictly dedicated to text messages. No, like I said above, there are a lot of different mediums that it can be done in.
Take phone calls for example.
Imagine if you had called your ex girlfriend something crazy like 30 times in one day after a breakup?
Well, then you would be a GNAT!
What about in person?
Is it possible to gnat there?
Heck yes, if you are purposefully trying to go out of your way to “run into” your ex then I have some bad news for you. You are well on you want to becoming a gnat and gnats do not have a high probabily of getting their exes back.
Remember, this is a fatality.
The Solution To Gnatting
The solution for gnatting is actually quite simple.
Do the no contact rule.
It prevents you from gnatting in the future and can help reduce the damage that you did when you were gnatting. For example, if I was trying to get your ex girlfriend back and I sent her 10 text messages in one day then I would just slip into the no contact rule and lay low for a little bit.
Of course, I need to be extra cautious with text messages after I get out of the no contact rule but you can read my guide, Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO for advice on how to approach that situation.
This begs the question though, how long should you do no contact for?
As many of more avid readers know I am a fan of the 21 day no contact rule for men but special rules must be applied if you were a gnat in the past. So, instead of doing the traditional 21 day no contact rule you have to bump that up to 30 days.
Because your girlfriend needs extra time away from you so she has time to remember what you were like in your non gnat form.