The Fatal Mistakes Men Make When Trying To Get Their Girlfriends Back

“You learn more from your mistakes than you do from your successes.”

Any idea who came up with that quote?


I would be shocked if you did because I am actually the one that came up with it.

Yup, me,

Good ole Chris Seiter,

Ex Girlfriend Recovery “Expert” Extraordinaire.

(Try saying that 3 times fast?)

Jennifer Chris W-191-X2 copy

It turns out that, that particular quote is going to tie directly into what we are going to be talking about today with your ex girlfriend.

You see, today we are going to be focusing on the most fatal mistakes that men make when they are trying to get their ex girlfriends back.

But perhaps more importantly I am going to be giving you solutions for how to proceed if you have committed these fatal mistakes.

For example, if you were to say, call your ex girlfriend up 20,000 times in a day I will be giving you a quick game plan on what to do to improve your odds of winning her back in the future.

Now, before I dive into explaining the format of this page I do want to mention that I am not going to be pulling any punches with you today. There are some people out there that are content with telling you what you want to hear but I am not going to be one of those people.

No, I am a straight shooter.

I always have been.

So, if I deem a certain mistake truly “fatal” then I am not going to sit here and tell you that you have a chance when you don’t.

But more on that in a second.

Lets first take a look at how I am going to be setting this page up.

The Format Of This Page

format meme

There are three things I want you to keep an eye out for on this page.

What are these three things?

  1. The Mistakes
  2. The Solution
  3. Fatality

Lets take a moment to explain each of these things.

The Mistakes

It’s easy to figure out what a mistake is, right?

Basically what I am going to be doing is describing the mistake you could have potentially made when trying to get your ex girlfriend back and why it was a mistake.

Don’t worry though, I am not going to leave you out to dry…

The Solution

I figured it wouldn’t really help you at all if I pointed out your mistakes and offered absolutely no solution at all on how to fix the mistake.

I mean, that’s kind of a mean thing to do if you really think about it.

It’s like me sitting there, telling you that you are dumb and then not even helping you out at all when you need it the most (which I found is what so many of my peers do.) So, in addition to pointing out all the mistakes that men make when trying to win their girlfriends back I am going to give an in-depth solution to that mistake on how to fix it.


Have you ever played Mortal Combat?

Well, if you have then I am sure you recognize this,


There are some mistakes that men make that are EXTREMELY hard to overcome and while I will be providing a solution for these mistakes I am also going to be making them with a “FATALITY” in the title.

What does the fatality mean?

Well, it means that if you committed a fatality mistake you have a very hard upward battle ahead if you want to win your ex girlfriend back.

Now, I am not saying that your chances are completely ruined all I am saying is that they are diminished.

(I am mostly doing the FATALITY thing to show you which mistakes are the worst.)

Anyways, enough of this chit chat.

Lets get right down to business.

The first mistake we are going to be looking at today is going to be begging.

Mistake 1- Begging For Her Back


Why begging for an ex girlfriend back seems to be a mans first instinct after a break up is beyond me.


I take that back.

I think I do understand where a man gets his instinct to beg for a woman back from.

As men we like to have our ego fed. We like feeling wanted. So, in our minds someone begging for us to be with them makes us feel wanted. Well, if you are begging for your ex girlfriend back then you are applying this logic.

For example, as you are begging for your girlfriend back you are thinking to yourself,

“Wow, if someone was doing to me what I am doing to her (with the begging) I would be over the moon.

There’s just one problem.

Women aren’t wired the way we are.

Look, as much as women hate to admit it they like men who are alphas and there is nothing alpha about a man who sits there and begs for her back.

Women don’t have the internal need for feeling wanted that men do because they feel wanted all the time.

Now, I will admit that there are some rare cases where begging works but 95% of the time it won’t (and in those cases where it does work it is when the guy cheated on the girl and and the girl refuses to take him back unless he begs.)

What it all boils down to is your positioning.

If you are begging for a girl back then you are in a position of weakness.

You aren’t going to get your ex girlfriend back for a position of weakness. Rather, you will get her back from a position of power.

So, the solution for overcoming this mistake has more to do with repositioning yourself into a position of power more than anything.

The Solution To Begging

Right now, where things stand you really don’t have a great shot of winning your ex girlfriend back. You begged for her back and unfortunately there isn’t a time machine that you can hop on and erase the begging mistake.

Don’t freak out though.

Winning her back is possible you are just going to have to change the game a bit.

Remember what I said above about repositioning yourself?

Well, what if I were to tell you that there is actually a really simple way that you can do this and change the game to your favor?

Look, you have already set a pretty strong precedent in your girlfriends mind that you want her back. So, for the time being we are going to have to accept that. While this isn’t really an advantageous position it is something we can work with.

Since you begged for your girlfriend back she is probably expecting you to continue begging for her back (especially if the breakup is still pretty fresh.)

I want you to do the exact opposite.

I realize that is obvious.

You were begging for her back and you need to stop.

But I want you to take it a step further.

I want you to completely cut her out of your life in every form imaginable via the no contact rule.

We are going to operate under the assumption that your ex girlfriend likes having her ego stroked by you through your begging.

Now, I will be the first to admit that this is a trait that is more common to men but there are plenty of women out there who just long to feel wanted by a man. So, when the begging and communication stops altogether she is going to sit up and think to herself,

“I actually kind of miss the begging…”

In addition to that the no contact rule can accomplish something else.

This “something else” is an internal idea that I have in my mind so it might be hard to explain (especially since it is 2 in the morning as I am writing this) but I will do my best.

As an ex recovery expert I am always studying experiences from the readers I have here at Ex Girlfriend Recovery.

You know what I have never seen before?

A man who doesn’t accept the breakup with his ex but instead of crying, begging or acting crazy he just goes full robot mode and goes right into a no contact rule on his ex. During the no contact rule he focuses on things that only benefit him. Every action he takes is to his benefit and as a result he starts to heal from the breakup.

Well, by the time the no contact rule ends and he is ready to try to get his girlfriend back he is at a completely different place than he was when the breakup initially occurred.

In fact, he has grown so strong in this no contact period that he kind of doesn’t even care if he gets his girlfriend back or not.

THIS is the position of power I am talking about.

Now, let me ask you a question.

Do you think a man who follows the “something special” plan I just laid out above has a better shot of winning his ex back than a guy who begged for his ex back?

I do.

Mistake 2- Not Having A Clear Game Plan For Getting Your Girlfriend Back (FATALITY)

bear it meme

Yay, we have our first fatality!

Is it weird that I just got excited about that?

Did you know that in addition to this site I also own another relationship website called Ex Boyfriend Recovery?

I noticed something today when I was on it that I think is relevant to what we are talking about with mistake #2. About 3 weeks ago with Ex Boyfriend Recovery I launched a podcast (which is essentially like a radio show for the internet.)

The premise of the show is that I let women call in and ask me anything they want about their ex boyfriends. After I listen to their questions I then provide my take on their situation and give them a game plan to go forward.

As it turns out creating a podcast show is a lot of work.

I had to learn a lot of new skills just to be considered halfway decent.

Well, today I did something that I had never done before.

In an effort to change things up I tried recording five episodes in one day (I only got through three if you are wondering.)

I usually have a routine when I record a podcast episode.

I usually take out a notebook and plan out the entire episode before I record it. This way I always have a reference sheet that I can look at while I am recording so I can stay on point.

Well, today I did this routine for the first episode I recorded but not the second and third ones.

Want to know what I learned by doing this?

I learned that if I don’t game plan these episodes beforehand then I am not nearly as effective and it takes twice as long to complete an episode.

Turns out that game plans matter a lot.

This got me thinking about the men on this site that are trying to get their ex girlfriends back without a game plan.

These men are crazy?

Getting an ex girlfriend back is hard enough but doing it without a game plan…

That’s just crazy.

I would compare it to a blind man trying to run a marathon.

The odds of success just aren’t very good.

It truly is a fatal mistake if you don’t have a well thought out and focused plan to get your ex girlfriend back.

Luckily, I have just the solution for you.

The Solution To Not Having A Game Plan

Get one…

Plain and simple.

Look, I am here to help you in any way that I can so your game plan doesn’t even have to be from this website.

Though I would definitely recommend formulating your game plan based on this website since I always do my best to make things as easy as possible for you.

Here are a few recommendations on game plans you should follow if you are going to try to get your ex girlfriend back,

If you really think about it everything that I write for this site can be considered a game plan.

Heck, even this page is a game plan.

Granted, it’s a game plan for what NOT to do but it’s a game plan nevertheless.

Lets move on to another mistake.

Mistake 3- Getting Into A Fight With Your Ex Girlfriend Post Breakup

Who here is guilty of this?

Raise your hand.



Me too.

Why is this such a mistake?

Simple, if you are trying to get your ex girlfriend back then all you are doing by getting into a fight with her is further pushing her away.

It’s tricky though, because women always seem to know exactly what to say to put us into rage mode.

rage mode

Ok, maybe not that bad.

Still though, once you are in rage mode you are sticking to your guns and you don’t care how gets in your way.

Hey, I have been there.

However, you need to realize that every single time you get into a fight with your ex girlfriend you are further damaging your chances of getting her back.

What I would like to do now is tell you a story from my own life.

Lets wind back the clock all the way to high school.

God… that was 10 years ago.

Am I that old?

Anyways, at that point in time I was still a pimply faced teenager who had a lot to learn about relationships. I was just going through my first breakup so when you add the immaturity of my age with the anger that I was experiencing from the breakup you get a recipe for disaster.

For the record I was the one that broke up with her.

(Just thought I would throw that in there 😉 .)

Well, about seven days after the breakup I decided that I wanted to see my ex in person for more closure.

As luck would have it that was also the day that my ex girlfriend decided to reach out to me with a phone call.

The conversation went exactly like this,

Me: Hey…

Her: Hey…

Me: Did you need something…

Her: I feel weird about the way we left things…

Me: Me too…

Me: Would you like to meet up sometime and talk things out?

Her: No, I’m not allowed

Me: What do you mean?

Her: My parents told me that I can’t date for a year

It was at this point that I flew into a rage and the two of us got into a fight.

A little back story: Her parents were a problem in our relationship and caused many hardships so I wasn’t pleased to hear that she was letting them control her life even further.

The final post breakup fight ended up being so bad that the two of us really never spoke again.

(One or two times here or there but that’s it.)

Fights can be devastating to your chances of getting your girlfriend back.

The Solution To Post Breakup Fights

There are really two ways we are going to have to attack this.

What are those two ways?

Man, you are so inquisitive today!

  1. How to prevent fights with your ex girlfriend
  2. What to do if you have already gotten into a fight with your ex girlfriend.

Lets start first with how to prevent fights.

You are going to hate to hear this but you are going to have to fall on your sword for the cause brother…

You are going to have to let her be right.

I know, I know, it really sucks.

However, for the sake of keeping the peace and not potentially starting a fight it’s best to keep your mouth shut where you would have otherwise started world war 3.

It’s not forever…

It’s just for now.

Lets turn our attention to how to work your way out of a situation where you have already started a fight with your ex girlfriend.

In the case where you and your girlfriend are like this to each other,

fighting couple

I guarantee you that there is nothing you can say that is going to fully fix the situation like time will.

Yup, the only thing that can have a major impact on things is by letting time pass.

So, I highly recommend doing the no contact rule in this case.

Not only will it let time go by but it will give your ex girlfriend the opportunity to miss you.

Mistake 4- Trying To Win Her Back With Presents

birthday gift

I get it.

I really do.

It’s this idea that Hollywood has implanted in us that grand gestures commonly seen at the end of romantic movies will work to your advantage.

In other words, you think that if you buy your ex girlfriend a dozen roses, light the sidewalk with candles and romanticize things she will pick up the phone, call and tell you that she made a mistake by leaving you.

Speaking from experience any time I have gone out of my way to spoil a woman with grand gestures (who I wasn’t in a relationship with) has never worked out.

Let me give you an example.

In my first year of college I met a girl who I took a liking to.

For the purposes of this article we are going to call her Katie.

Well, Katie seemed to have a crush on me as well so as things were progressing we tried to find out more about each other (which is pretty common.) I will never forget that she told me that she had never had a boyfriend that had done anything special for her.

The specific example she gave was that she never had a boyfriend decorate her car in a sweet manner.

You need a visual don’t you?

Ok, picture something like this (but less girly and more marker on the car,)

magic marker car

Now, being the kind of listener I am I filed this knowledge away to use at a later date.

In my mind I figured that I could use it to my advantage to gain points and further progress our relationship.

Well, one day the opportunity presented itself and I took advantage by decorating her car with washable magic marker. Now, I didn’t say “I love you” or anything that intense. I just stuck to inside jokes and said sweet things that I still think to this day any girl would love to hear.

After I was finished I went home and patiently waited a text response from her.

About 3 hours later I got this,


Looking good for me, right?


Initially when I read the text I thought I earned some serious points but a funny thing started happening immediately after that.

I began to notice that Katie was becoming more and more distant. Well, the more distant she became the harder I pressed to keep the flame alive. This was my biggest mistake because it was at this point that she told me flat out that she wasn’t looking for a boyfriend since she had just come out of a relationship.

Two weeks later she was in a relationship with someone else…

So, what happened here?

I did everything I was supposed to, right?

I mean, I did the big grand gesture to her that she always wanted.

Where did I go wrong?

It wasn’t until a woman friend of mine explained the full extent of gifts and grand gestures that I finally understood my mistake.

(We are going to call my woman friend Carol)

I went to Carol with my situation and she explained exactly what was going on in this girls mind.

You see, when Katie had explained her fantasy/daydream of having her car decorated to me I subconsciously took that information as if she wanted me to decorate her car. Carol explained that this wasn’t necessarily what she meant.

What Katie really wanted was a BOYFRIEND to do that for her or at the very least a guy that she was considering to be her boyfriend.

I was not Katie’s boyfriend and I had not built up enough attraction with her yet to be considered in the running for being a boyfriend.

This should hit home for you because you (probably) recently went through a breakup and your ex girlfriend is in a very upset state.

In her mind you are no longer her boyfriend and you haven’t built up enough attraction yet for her to be considering you for being a boyfriend again.

This means that any grand gesture you put into action or any expensive item you buy her is going to be meaningless to her.

Essentially you are doing nothing to help yourself at all.

So, how do you solve this problem?

The Solution To Buying Her Presents

The thing that really matters here is her frame of mind.

Your ex girlfriend has to be in the right frame of mind to be receptive to grand gestures and gifts.

So, my advice to you is to not do any huge grand gestures or buy her any presents until the time is right.

This begs the question, when is the time right?

Good question!

I have a motto.

“Better safe than sorry.”

I outlined to instances where it was safe to do grand gestures and buy presents.

Do you remember what those instances were?

  1. If you are in a relationship with her
  2. If you are 100% sure that she is considering you to be her boyfriend.

If you are abiding by my motto then the only time that you should give your ex girlfriend a present or make a big grand gesture is if you are back in a relationship with her. Since there is no way you can be 100% sure if she is considering you to be her boyfriend again I would stay away from it completely.

“Better safe than sorry I always say!”

Mistake 5- You Are A Gnat To Her (FATALITY)


I am going to throw a couple situations out below and you tell me if these sound annoying to you.

“You are walking down the road and all of a sudden you get swarmed by gnats. They buzz around your head everywhere you go. You start walking right and they are still there. You start walking left and they are still there. Heck, you even sprint 20 yards and when you stop you look up to see if they are still there and they are…”

Pretty annoying, right?

Ok, try this one on for size.

“You are working on your computer on something super important. I mean, this task you are doing on your computer is so important that it feels like the world will end if you don’t complete it. Just as you are hitting your stride in completing it someone comes in and starts asking you a bunch of questions. Now, you are a super nice person so you try to do both things at once (answer their questions and do the important task.) After some time passes the person leaves you alone and you are able to get back to focusing on your world saving task 100%. Then five minutes later the person comes back and starts asking you a new set of questions while you are doing your task. Holding true to form you are super nice and try to do both things at once (the task and answering this persons questions.) Again, after some time passes the person leaves. Of course, five minutes later the person comes back. This process repeats itself over and over again.”

This would annoy the heck out of me.

Ok, here is my question for you.

Do you understand what I am trying to accomplish with these stories?

Do you see the point I am trying to make?

  • In story one you are the gnats and your ex girlfriend is the person that the gnats are buzzing around.
  • In story two you are the person that is constantly interrupting the person doing the all important world saving task.

Some men are literally this annoying to their ex girlfriends after a breakup by engaging in something I like to call gnatting.

Now, there are many different mediums that someone can “gnat” in but the result is always the same.

A gnat appears desperate, annoying and will always fail to get his girlfriend back.

(This is a fatality after all)

Lets take texting as an example.

If you and your ex girlfriend break up and the next day you send her 15 text messages that look like this,

gnat example

Then you have just become the annoying gnats in story one or the annoying person that constantly interrupts in story two.

Put yourself in your ex girlfriends shoes.

She wants an alpha male.

A man who is confident with himself…

A man who knows what he is doing…

She doesn’t want some needy, desperate and annoying guy on the verge of begging for her back (see mistake 1.)

Well, if you gnat then you become needy, desperate and especially annoying.

Now, this isn’t a well known fact but at it’s core gnatting has a lot to do with the volume of communication you send after the breakup. In other words, it goes WAY overboard.

Of course, gnatting isn’t just strictly dedicated to text messages. No, like I said above, there are a lot of different mediums that it can be done in.

Take phone calls for example.

Imagine if you had called your ex girlfriend something crazy like 30 times in one day after a breakup?

Well, then you would be a GNAT!

What about in person?

Is it possible to gnat there?

Heck yes, if you are purposefully trying to go out of your way to “run into” your ex then I have some bad news for you. You are well on you want to becoming a gnat and gnats do not have a high probabily of getting their exes back.

Remember, this is a fatality.

The Solution To Gnatting

The solution for gnatting is actually quite simple.

Do the no contact rule.

It prevents you from gnatting in the future and can help reduce the damage that you did when you were gnatting. For example, if I was trying to get your ex girlfriend back and I sent her 10 text messages in one day then I would just slip into the no contact rule and lay low for a little bit.

Of course, I need to be extra cautious with text messages after I get out of the no contact rule but you can read my guide, Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO for advice on how to approach that situation.

This begs the question though, how long should you do no contact for?

As many of more avid readers know I am a fan of the 21 day no contact rule for men but special rules must be applied if you were a gnat in the past. So, instead of doing the traditional 21 day no contact rule you have to bump that up to 30 days.


Because your girlfriend needs extra time away from you so she has time to remember what you were like in your non gnat form.


Written by EGR team mate

Chris Seiter

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143 Comments on "The Fatal Mistakes Men Make When Trying To Get Their Girlfriends Back"

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Hey Chris, I have been in a relationship with this girl for about a year now. A couple months into the relationship I began to realize a jealousy related insecurity. Unfortunately or fortunately I do have a lot of women friends. But they have no value to me and not only have I showed her this but I’m sure she is aware! Distances myself from these friends to make her a little comfortable. She is defensive because someone hurt her in a previous relationship. This lead to petty fights here and there. Recently, about a week ago, we ended things… Read more »

I initially tried to get her back and it has worked before, but this time was a little different. She said she couldn’t trust me. I am not a player, that’s what she believes, but I get a long with people very well. I have always treated her right!

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Thats5 good that you’re starting to change.. But it’s just been a week, dont rush

Hi To save a long story, broke up just under 3 weeks ago after a 9 and a half year relationship, everything was great for 8 years until my gf got herself into a hobby that took up a lot of her time which meant leads for me, so we fell out a fair bit however she never likes to resolve fallouts, she just sorta acts funny for a few days then went back to normal as if the fall out never happened, anyway I started the no contact rule, made it to day 4 when she texted me (which… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

HI Mark,

restart nc, do at least 30 days. Be active in posting in social media sites where posts lasts..

Hey guys, My girlfriend broke up with me and blocked my number about a week ago. We have had bad issues in the past due to my inability to show up for her on certain things, but I have truly been working on it, and she has explained that she has seen this improvement. The night she broke up with me it was doing to making a drunken ass out of myself at a concert with her 2 best friends. She is a member of a business that I run, so the only times I have texted her were to… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

HI George,

how are things now?

Hey, I was having a long distance relationship with a girl for 1 1/2 Years. She is from the Faroe Islands and I am from Germany. we have seen eachother twice for little over 2 weeks in total. we were planning to live together here in Germany. In the past I have been loud and in a couple of fights called her names which I am very sory for. we Planned a “trial run” for moving together on the 7th of december and she told me one day that she cant wait to be with me again and hug and… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Mike,

Try the no contact process first, if it doesn’t work then move on.. At least you tried the right way


My girlfriend of little over a year ago dumped me last week because shes moving away for school. She said she’s completing breaking it off because not having physical contact would drive us insane. She said we could start dating again when she moved back in like 4 years. She even invited me to her going away party. I still want to be her, any advice?

kelvin carter

Be with her . I’m sorry about the grammar I can’t really focus right now

Varun Mehta
Hey ,I really hope I’ll get a reply from you because I really need help. I am in college and had an year long relationship with my ex girlfriend. We were perfect for each other and were just like two best friends in a relationship and shared everything. But during the ending stages,I got too occupied with job interviews and some family issues and could not give her the attention she wanted. She also felt that i got flattered by every single woman and that hurt her. So she decided to end it and we agreed to be friends. But… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Are you active in posting? IF yes, continue that even if you’re blocked, just make your posts public.. How active are you in improving yourself?


My ex said I am not ready to talk if I am I shuld tell her but not now

I cannot stand overly wordy drawn out pages. I understand that you make a bigger profit the longer I stay on your page, & it’s pretty dispicable to just ramble on & on- repeating words and phrases w/in the same damn paragh! Clearly you are intelligent, & therefore I can presume that you do it on purpose, even though it makes your words far less memorable & ten times more tedious to read. And step 2 wtf? What was it? When did u decide to go off on a tangent about the computer scenario?! That’s singlehandedly the most annoying moment… Read more »
Jay Lyn
HI, i was dating a girl for 4 years. We were awesome, even though it was a long distance relationship; I made her go on a break and then she initiated the breakup. I tried but then i respected her decision and went on no contact for a month while i was abroad studying. After a month i went back and started messaging her, she did not meet me, just called me and ended but there were small hints as i would ask her to advice clothes she would help. She would complain about everything which irritated her and she… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

It looks like you want to move on. Move on, there’s nothing wrong with that..

Allen Mims

Well i would like to ask, would it be too late if i had tried talking to my ex, my ex’s friends, my friends and both of our families about trying to get her to be reasonable to talk to me about what happened or at least ask to start a clean slate with her even when we cursed, name called and had literally 8 hour distance from each other?

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Allen,

ahm..that will probably make her more annoyed because you involved everybody

Jim Sepul

I had this girl, it seems she blocked me from everywhere i tried to reached her but nothing at all, we where fuck buddies and i screw it, she is having her birthday soon i was going to send a present and wishing her good “vibes”, i have like 3 month no contact with her….

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jim,

how would you send if you’re blocked?


I had this girl, it seems she blocked me from everywhere i tried to reached her but nothing at all, we where fuck buddies and i screw it, she is having her birthday soon i was going to send a present and wishing her good “vibes”, i have like 3 month no contact with her….

Hi, My ex of 5 years broke up with me 8 months ago. As it caught me by surprise I couldnt get over the fact of losing her so I made the fatal error of begging, pleading, and being a GNAT to her for last 8 months, more so because I was emotional wreck. At first she was ok with it all but it got to the point where she was so annoyed by it all she blocked me on facebook and ignore my attempts of contact. I done a few no contacts here and there during the 8 months… Read more »
alex elmera

i wish i read this before, i messed up on the presents and the asking her to come back thing. we are more on a break as she said not a full break up. so does that still apply for the no contact?

I met a girl whilst I was on camp in America, we fell and was making plans about me coming over and living with her. But before I went to camp I was speaking to another girl just by text and said stuff like I love you and miss you but I didn’t mean it and I know it was wrong. the day before I left the US she went through my phone and seen the messages and broke up with me, she said I should of told her about this girl. This girl was before I went to camp… Read more »

from what date you count your 30, or 45 days is it from the first break up sign without being verified, t or from the last contact message or from the last clear message she said she feels being in a relationship gives her more stress for NOW and you send her a message to give he space??

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Alpha,

from the first day that you stop contacting her

I sent this in an email, then I saw that you recommend and prefer comments on the site. SORRY! So, here it is here too… Hi Chris I came across your site and I’m definitely willing to commit to your process, but I don’t knw how exactly I should go about implementing the NC rule in our situation. Let me give you a run down of the basics… -We’ve been married since January 2009 -We have a daughter who is 7 years old -We live together -In May 2015 I looked at porn. She considers that cheating, and we both… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jordan,

how are you now?

Dennis Arroyo
It has been almost a year that my girlfriend broke up with me little by little we have been speaking but she still wants her space . I begged her which im not doing now it is hard to resist not being with her. She said to me that she wants me to be mentally strong because Im to emotional about all this. I tried everything I could do to win her back I ran out of options. I hope all this ends soon and we can be together and go forward with our lives. Please help me find a… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
It has been about 2.5 weeks since she broke up with me. I did a semi-no contact for about 1 week. We lived together for 3.5 years. Her reason for the break-up was she didn’t feel the same anymore and wanted to date other people. She answers my calls the few time I’ve talked to her, and the calls were pleasant. And has accepted my invitations to meet up twice this week, about 4 hours each time. We acted like nothing happened, and didn’t talk about anything heavy. Semi-flirtation, almost like a date with a new person. She texts back… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Roger,
have you started doing new things to improve yourself whenever you’re not with her?

Hi exgirlfriendrecovery Team! I recently split up with an ex and I found myself gnatting for a seriously long time. My ex is a really kind girl so she never really told me to bugger off or be on my way so I continued. It got to the extent where she had finally told me that I had basically been gnatting her and telling her how I’ll change for a full 2 weeks. I finally came across exgirlfriendrecovery and I’ve decided to begin a 30 day no contact period. However, I’m afraid that after my constant gnatting she’ll never love… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

yes, if you’re seeing her you should begin no contact after.. If she has decided to really break up with you.. Agree with her and tell her that you understand her decision and then be productive in no contact.. show her that you’re moving on to make up for your gnatting in that past. In that way, she will feel less annoyed and slowly you can regain her trust back.

i have been with my girlfriends for 3 years and for the last year i was horrible to her, i was rude and neglective and i always put her undder stress, i drank a lot and yes im not proud of it but when we argued i did slap her in heat of the moment bu the truth is really love her and deserve this break up. Now im realising i want her back and i have researched many articles online and the no contact rule seems to work but the thing is i live with her and her family… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor
Hi Brian, you can’t do full no contact.. You have to do limited no contact but onky with her.. be kind to her family.. you can still initiate a talk with her family but avoid talking about her.. if they start to open up about your relationship then respond positively but make it short. don’t initiate a conversation with her.. be kind but give her space..change to improve yourself and during her trip, don’t text her first and be busy with productive things.. so that even if you don’t reply and she asks your housemates then she would know that… Read more »
Hey Chris I probably feel really messed up writing this but I guess this is way better off than self harm. Yeah as you said we all have shit we are not proud off. So I’ll tell you a bit about this predicament i am in I am a 23 year old recent graduate and so is my ex but from different colleges. By nature i am and always have been a nice guy to people and try to curb my ego as much as I can. A bit of background about my girl. She has severe daddy issues with… Read more »

Hi Chris

This is me again, so she messaged me saying that her mom is coming over to her house and she wouldn’t be able to hide the stuff I gave her so in case I wanted them back i could have it, i didn’t reply yet. So I really don’t know whether I should respond to this or not. I would appreciate your feedback on my situation.

Thank you

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Anubhav,

that’s good that you didn’t reply. That’s her way to talk to you and it looks like she misses you so just finish nc and during this time focus on improving yourself and have fun. Post it in social media, so she’ll see you’re not the same guy that used to chase her all the time

Interesting information. Well I don’t know if this will work for me. I neglected my exgf by being so busy with working nights and going to school. But long story short she broke up with me and I made the mistake of begging for her to give me a second chance, but she said she was ready to move on but offered a friendship. Like a sap I took the offer just to stay in her life and show her I could change. Since the break up in November I’ve went out on casual dates with about 9 women each… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Robin,

I hope you proceeded to do no contact and focused on yourself.. let her miss you by doing nc and miss you more by improving yourself.

Me and my ex dated for 1 year and 5 months. She broke up with me two days ago. She lost her license so I would pick.her up from work abd take her. She recently got her license back and has completely changed she’s never home always with her friends on her days off. She said she loved my personality but wasn’t attractive in her eyes. A few weeks ago we talked about marriage. A few days ago we said we needed to work on things, them she just packs her bags and said she’s done. Her family told her… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Stephen,

it’s good that her family loves you.. how are you now? did you proceed to nc?


We got into it and got mad at each other and she deleted me off fb. I would just assume to let her be for a while?

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

yes let her cool off first.

I’ve done two NC periods of over 30 days. I’ve reached out for closure and gotten some response. I’ve made it known I have taken steps to move on and heal. Yesterday she reactivated her FB and posted several pics with her and her new boyfriend but then deleted them. I sent her a text to say I was happy for her and she replied and said she isn’t in a relationship and that they haven’t even kissed or anything but he’s in love with his ex and didn’t consider them bf/gf. Makes no sense. I showed her a pic… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Peter,

let’s say she is, then that means she wants to talk to you.. you should slowly continue building rapport through texts and don’t bring up getting together back yet.

Hi there I’ve just finished reading your amazing article and I agree 100% with your views and suggestions. The only problem is my girlfriend and I have only broken up a week ago and she’s been messaging and calling me from then till now. I haven’t got a problem doing the whole no contact but I’m not sure if it’s the right time. She’s going through her university exams and has recently been suffering from depression but I’m genuinely concerned about her all games aside I’m not sure this would be the right time to implement the no contact rule… Read more »

Oh and just to add

She’s an international student and doesn’t really have any friends here and also back home she’s quite limited I terms of friends as she has social anxiety.

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Timothy,

is she messaging to be friendly or to get back with you? she has to see professional help too.. You can be there for her now, but don’t always be too available.. because long term, she can always use her depression to friendzone you, and you don’t want that to happen..

Hi there Thanks for the response … Well she’s messaging in a friendly way however two nights when she was drunk and she messaged me saying she wants us to get back together and that she loved me. I messaged her the following morning and she said that it wasn’t a drunk Message and that she was being honest, she wants to get back together, but as we talked, we ended up getting into a disagreement and falling out. However she’s been messaging and snapchatting me like normal but in a friendly way. So now I’m really not sure where… Read more »
Update … We had an argument again two nights ago and it seems like the conversation and heat of the moment wash dying down as we were both quite tired as it was 1am and she ended up finishing the conversation with “I don’t want you to contact me anymore” and I hung up the phone, then she messaged me saying “I still love you, that’s why it hurts” then she blocked me on everything including snapchat. As she lives a fair distance away I can’t just pop over to her place and I feel I need to give her… Read more »

Update to the update

Now she’s unblocked me and messaged me ..

This is what she’s messaged me…
“Don’t understand how people who loved each so much could be so mean and hurtful to one another. I blocked you because I needed to focus on my exams and I thought that was the best thing to do. I’ll return your hoodie and your belongings. We can arrange something.”

I haven’t opened up the whatsapp message so she doesn’t know I’ve read it.

Not sure what to do now ?


EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

you should avoid arguing with her because that’s what’s holding her reminds her of the past problems of the relationship.. if you really want her back, you have to patient and not engage in a fight. she has to see, that’s she’s the only one like that and you should continue what you did during no contact to improve yourself..

So I failed on the execution today. I went to return an item that she forgot at my place and discuss some unfinished finances between us. She acknowledged that I had made some weight and grooming progress and that I was looking good. I stayed optimistic and offered to walk her back to her home. When we got to the door, my emotions got the better of me and attempted to kiss her. It went from a simple hug to me trying to kiss her. FAILURE!!!! Too soon, poor execution. She was about to be in the same moment that… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

if she’s not upset…let it go and just contnue to talk to her and take it slow

I think that I will follow the methods outlined by Chris. We both need some space. We were wrapped around each others thumbs without either of us having a personal life. Even though my love for her will never be lost, I realize that we don’t even know who we really are. We may just end up wanting to go the same path. Who knows. Right now I’m going to be the best me that I possibly can. I still think about her viciously and I’m pretty certain she thinks of me from time to time. There’s no way she… Read more »
5 months no contact broke rule several times bought her a car and nc solid for 3 months now. finally sent her this txt Hi This is Patrick I just wanted to see how you were doing. I had work lunch at the hooters we met at and I brought back some really nice memories of meeting you and the great time we had. Take care and if you want to talk you have my number now. God bless Patrick Bye she responded and here is the conversation Everything is good thanks for ask… What u was doing at hooters?… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

continue texting, have you sent another text?

Before you read this, I’ve acknowledged that my chances are slim, but I don’t care. No matter how small that chance is, I’ll take it. My ex and I were together for 4 and some change years. Were both 21. I’ve been doing a good bit of soul searching and realized I’ve become unattractive in her eyes. Not only that but I became clingy, needy, overprotective, and probably the worst of them fat (315lbs) towards the end of our relationship. To make it worse, I had some serious insecurities with trusting her (for no reason as it turns out) through… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor


all of that happened within a week? How are things now?

Things are more or less the same between us. I had to tie up some loose ends with her regarding the car but that’s about it. I wrote her a breakup letter letting her know that I respect her decision to end our relationship and that my life was starting to take off in a good way. I also mentioned that I was rediscovering some passions of mine. I attatched my letter to her favorite flower and set it in her car so that she could discover it in the morning. She sent me a text that she was thankful… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

it’s okay… that’s normal.. you know we’re not saying that ours is the only method and that it works for all.. do you think if you continue to talk to her you would have a greater chance of getting her back?

This is a complicated one but i will make it simple: We dated for a year and a half, she was married but it was a stale one, no sex or anything, it was good for a year but then she began asking me to open up, she was in love and i for many reason’s was not able to emotionally open up to her as much as i cared for her, goes back to my childhood and she knew why, she said i did not make her feel like she was the only women in the world, i never… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Charlie,

so she’s not actually angry? She just keeps refusing? like you think she wants you to woo her first?

hi guys my girl broke up with me for the 3 time now…i never treated her right and i feel ashamed of….we been togheter since 2 years and i was just a moron ! just treathing her bad, not giving her the respect she deserves….but i love her and i wanna change and now i wanted to buy a ring for her not a expensive one, but she wanted that ring so hard and i never bought her something…so i thought im gonna buy it today leave it with a little note there but not like “trying to get her… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Eduardo,

Did you give her the ring?

Gifts: What about valentines day then? What if you send her a small gift that is unique, thoughtful handmade and not like every other. No mention of the sender’s name and no undying declaration of love. But with a small fake rose in her favourite colour inside a small box (international delivery) and a small card that says inside. “Valentines day isn’t just a time to be more romantic. It’s a great opportunity to do it differently and better.” Of course. She may very well know who sent it, but as long as you don’t make it too sappy, too… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

HI Chris,
For me yes!


My ex asked me if she could still have the self help book that I am about to publish before our 2nd NC. I promised her a free signed copy before and I was thinking of attaching a card with a general inside joke about squirrels on a card related to the book and the last Christmas present I gave her. Should I include it when I send her my self help book?

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Chris,
sorry for the late reply. did you include the card in the book?

Hi Chris, Great site, thanks for your help. But please comment on my situation if you can – we dated for 7 years and were engaged for 2 months, and one night i got black out drunk and texted some random girl, and she therefore broke up with me. there were a handful of times throughout our relationship where my drinking was an issue and caused problems between us (i apparently am very flirtatious and have no control when blacked out), and this was the straw that broke the camels back. I also cheated on her very early in the… Read more »
Hey Chris, Chaz from England here. I’m in a dark place and I really need your help, like really need it. My girlfriend broke up with me due to being insecure. I have a lot of female friends and to be honest, I kept pushing the boundaries with her to the point where she couldn’t take me back anymore and felt she’d be happier alone. A few days after we broke up, she met up with our old housemates. One of them told her something I’d told him in the strictest confidence and I fear it may have ruined any… Read more »
My girlfriend and I were together for 5 1/2 years. A few years ago I started working overnight while she worked days. I’ve been hoping the job would switch me but the job still has never done so. Around this same time I lost out on a career I was pushing for and lost myself. I Lost who I was and got caught in the day to day, week to week grind. If only the job didn’t give us the financial security we needed and that’s all I focused on. fast forward to this year and we had tried to… Read more »
Hey chris! My story is so confusing even I don’t figure it out… So I was in a relationship with a girl for approx 3 years.she was hell of a serious about me but I kept ignoring her… Suddenly when a day I was angry on her about ignoring me and I told I wanted to break up and hell! Before I could say something she said I too don’t feel for you now and broke up. So I begged everything and she kept ignoring… I did a NC for 6 days and she calls and messages me and I… Read more »
Hey Chris! So I was in a relationship with a girl for approx 3 years.It was too serious from that side but I kept ignoring her all the time! suddenly she broke up after I kept just talking that we should break up. I begged everything and eventually it worked too she said she’ll give me a chance.Now okay we were on a “contract” that we are more than friends but she keeps ignoring me and I said her many times that I’m not gonna hurt my self respect anymore and I want to let you go… I tried a… Read more »

My gf always complains about me in every way 3 ,months dating only and cold to be friends now

Short version My fiancée broke up with me 28th may We have children so it’s hard to do the none contact rule We have been through an abortion, having children, me cheating several times around 3-4 years ago (instead of breaking up because she wasn’t putting effort in) and after getting back together we had a miscarriage. I’ve been a d!ck, over protecting her, begging to get another chance, etc In the last 6weeks I have lost 15lbs and trying harder to look for a carer as appoosed to a job. I really want her back but am struggling in… Read more »

Hey Chris.. To be honest I’d suck ass typing out the unique situation I’m in, so I don’t know if you’re up to email me your number and I could talk with you real quick sometime or not. Thanks!

Hi Chris, my girlfriend broke up with me a month ago after three years of engagement, because as she said we have different personality and this lead to continuous conflicts. Unfortunately I made the mistake of texting her after 14 days because she deleted our photo from instagram and put me on restriction list on FB( I wasn’t able to see her posts but she could see mine). After that message she asked me to call her and we talked for about three hours where I tried to explain why we have conflicts. At the end of the call I… Read more »
Because she said that I didn’t accept her decision to break up with me so to prevent to make her angry i said that. Now i’m scared she is in touch with her ex boyfriend beacuse she liked a (sentimental) post she shared on FB before we met, when she was in love with him but at the time he didn’t want to come back with her. She also add his best friend on FB. We loved each other so much and I was her first long relathionship (if important she has 25 yo) but in three years we had… Read more »
Hi Chris Its been a great help in reading your website, I have pretty much followed your advice to the letter. The problem is my Ex is away on a cruise ship. We dated at home at first split once, got back together again but she had decided to apply to work on cruise ships to which i didn’t object. The problem came was when we were having problems connecting and could only send text messages to each other. I found this hard and she ended the relationship due to me not contacting her enough or loving enough. I did… Read more »
She dumped me three weeks go. All things considered, I handled it well and we said goodbye very gracefully and peacefully. I turned it around and made this as an opportunity to take a more positive direction in my life, as cheesy as it sounds, in order to honor the hardship we just went through. For what its worth, she wept hard when we said goodbye… really hard and I felt like there was still love there. I did not beg her, break down or make any of the mistakes I made in the past in this situation. I held… Read more »

I told you my story, what do I do?


It’s the arkansas ldr one! Want me to copy and paste it again?

Hello Chris, Man have I been on a journey. I have dated a long distance girlfriend. I’m from Michigan, and she is from Arkansas. When we first met, we were just typically flirting with each other, and the advice you give I guess I just naturally had it in me. I already did the no contact rule, I was okay with her being awhile because I didn’t really have much feelings for her. We dated, lasted a week broke up. However she was in love with me (We knew each other for a month before we dated) and we’re pretty… Read more »
I have this girl that I was dating for about 5 months. Things were great and she really liked me. We hit it off from the moment we met and knew we’d be seeing each other from the get go. I really liked this girl , as she was completely different from the girls I have dated in the past. She was beautiful, smart, ambitious, and very loyal. A traditional Chinese / Vietnamese girl. About two months in she asked me if we were serious, and at the time I said we should take things slow. To be honest, I… Read more »

Hey Chris, I took a look at it. I’ve tried everything, but It’s funny because it seems like every trick you have in the book, coincidentally she does all of the things you say to do against me. I’m not sure how to start off, what to first message her and what to use as a game plan. She’s sneaky as hell

Hello Chris, Man have I been on a journey. I have dated a long distance girlfriend. I’m from Michigan, and she is from Arkansas. When we first met, we were just typically flirting with each other, and the advice you give I guess I just naturally had it in me. I already did the no contact rule, I was okay with her being awhile because I didn’t really have much feelings for her. We dated, lasted a week broke up. However she was in love with me (We knew each other for a month before we dated) and we’re pretty… Read more »

Hi Chris.
I was wondering if you mess up do you have to start over with the NC


Good evening Chris ,

Hope all is well. What if i begged , pleaded , texted extensively for 3 months after the break up. How long should i no contact period be? im curently 2 days in no contact. I hit rock bottom , and she completely saw it. She knew i was devastated