If you ever find yourself in a situation in which your girlfriend has broken up with you, you are probably wondering how you can turn it around. I specialize in helping guys who are facing a breakup situation. And if your girlfriend has ended things, for whatever reason, the first thing you will want to do to convince her she has made a mistake is essentially nothing.
That’s right, you hear me correctly.
You see, the more you react to her decision to break up with you, the worst your chances become. So how do you get her to change her mind about breaking up? That is what brought you hear right? Let’s explore what your options are.
How To Convince Her Not To Leave You
What I am going to lay out here is a strategy on how to convince your girlfriend that she has made a horrible mistake in letting you go. Think of it as your 6 Step Plan on getting her to see things differently. It is not going to happen overnight. You are going to have to stick to your Game Plan. But more often than not, this approach which I am about to describe will significantly increase your chances.
Step One: Don’t Overstep Your Bounds
It is very possible your girlfriend is telling you all the things you don’t want to hear. Perhaps she has not uttered those awful words, thereby ending the relationship, but maybe you are getting a lot of hints that she is ready to pull the plug. Clearly, this is not a comfortable place to be in.
Whatever you do, don’t crowd her. Don’t get in her face and start peppering her with questions and explanations. The more defensive you act around your girlfriend, the more reasons you will give her to pull away further and faster.
Some of my clients who are seeing their relationship melt down will become so frustrated that they end up creating an adversarial relationship with their girlfriend. I know it can be hard to dial it down. But you have to do the opposite of what you are feeling right now. If you give in to your anger, frustration, or bitterness (all of the negative emotions), you girlfriend will have more reason to break up with you.
Step Two: Take A Step Back – Don’t Panic
So you are probably wondering what you should do to slow down this notion your girlfriend has about ending things with you. What often works is you showing her the way. Be a role model as to how to handle this difficult situation. Find the better version of yourself and rise above the upset feelings that are probably deeply embedded in your emotional core.
Right now, your girlfriend is also probably filled with negative thoughts about things and if she is truly on the verge of breaking up with you, you need to turn those emotions around.
If you start panicking and ratcheting up your upset feelings, you will likely take her mood and attitude about you further down.
You very presence may be exasperating things.
Try as you might to do and say the right things, you will at first not be able to muster the right words.
So take a step back and give your girlfriend some room Tell her that you know she is struggling with how this relationship is going and that you want to support her with whatever she needs right now and if that is giving her some space, then you are totally committed to respecting her space so she can find the balance she need to get in touch with her feelings.
You are not leaving her or abandoning her. You are just giving her some space for the time being.
Step Three: Keep the Communication Lines Open
Depending on your situation, your girlfriend may still need to talk with you about things. Don’t try to over analyze why she wants to talk with you or check in with you when she has also told you she is not sure if the relationship is going to work out.
I know…it can feel very confusing when you get these mix messages from your girlfriend. Just be there to support her.
Think of this approach as investing in her trust bank. The more nice and positive things you say and do in support of her during this period, the more trust points you earn in her bank. Kindness it is said is the most important trust factor in relationships. Shower your girlfriend with kindness as she contemplates what she thinks she wants.
But there is a fine line here. You don’t want to go overboard to the extent you look like you are begging for her affection. It has to be done in small measures. The more understated it is, the better.
Step Four: Create An Action Plan Together
At some point, you and your girlfriend will have an opportunity to have a serious discussion about the direction the relationship is going and how you can both make it better. Think of it as breakup insurance.
Making a plan consisting of a few things each of you can do to make the relationship function better is a very important step. Don’t make things over complicated. What you are looking for is a shared commitment to coming up with a plan and actually doing it.
Ask her for her ideas about what the two of you can do better or differently so that the relationship is on more solid ground. This can’t be a plan that you conceive all by yourself.
If she is not ready to have this type of discussion, that is fine. Time is on your side here. Don’t rush through these steps.
Step Five: Show Her Your Commitment To the Plan
Once you and your girlfriend have developed a simple plan that you both can support, you will need to demonstrate that you are committed to this new journey you are both on. One of her fears is you will change for a few days or even a week, but that things will return to the way it was in the past.
You need to anticipate this concern of hers. Tell her that you understand this is probably one of her fears and that in order to keep things moving in the right direction, you want to check in with her once a week to see if you are holding up your end of the bargain.
Step Six: Surprise Her On the Upside
When you reached this step, give yourself a pat on the back. You and your girlfriend have come a long ways. Now it’s time to do something that she was not expecting to reinforce how deeply you care for her.
Don’t make it complicated. Less is more in this type of situation. If you do multiple little things that show your appreciation, it counts more for one big thing in most cases.
Final Words – Convincing Your Girlfriend You Are Worth Taking Back
So in closing, you can see how having a strategic approach to convincing your girlfriend not to throw you to the side is critical. You won’t be able to win her back in one big move. It doesn’t work that way.
It probably took a lot of small slights and upset feelings to cause your girlfriend to want to break up. Getting her back will require you to undertake a large number of trust building acts to convince her that your love and commitment to her is for real.