I have always found that making a woman commit to you can be quite a challenging task. Yes, some men are masters at making women drool over them but the average man out there still struggles with getting a girlfriend. So, when you finally do get a woman to commit to you it can be very disheartening to have to try to get her to re-commit to you again assuming the two of you broke up.
That is what this guide is all about.
Helping the average male out there figure out how to get his ex girlfriend re-commit to him.
I suppose the best way to start this guide out is by talking to you about my theory of commitment for ex girlfriends.
Theory Of Commitment For Ex Girlfriends
I have this theory about making an ex girlfriend commit to you.
You see, I think that making an ex commit to you is a very hard task because you have to dispel all their fears about you.
Why is this so challenging?
Because a lot of their fears about you have already occurred in a relationship with you. For example, lets say that in your relationship with your ex girlfriend you ended up cheating on her. Well, going forward one of the reasons she would not want to commit to you or try to have another relationship with you would probably be because she would be very frightened that you would cheat on her again.
So, a big step towards getting her to commit to you would be all about you finding a way to dispel her fears.
Lets talk a little about that now.
What are some of the most common fears that women have about getting back into a relationship with their ex boyfriend?
- History is going to repeat itself
- That she is wasting her time with you
- That the spark won’t come back
What I would like to do is take an in-depth look at all of these.
What do you say we start with history!
Commitment Fear #1- History Is Going To Repeat Itself
Your relationship with your ex girlfriend obviously went bad.
I am sorry to bring it up like that but it’s the truth.
If things between the two of you were great then you wouldn’t be on my site looking for answers on how to get her to re-commit to you.
Breakups between couples can be caused by a lot of things,
The list really goes on and on.
Well, the thing that has always fascinated me about helping men get their exes back is the fact that no two situations are ever alike. There is always a uniqueness to things. For example, the first man that comments on this article is going to have a different reason for his breakup with his ex than the second man who comments on this article.
There is always going to be a uniqueness to every situation but if you really take a step back there is also one thing that bonds each situation.
What is that thing?
Simple, it’s the woman’s fear that history is going to repeat itself.
For example, lets say that tomorrow a man comments on this article and cites growing apart as a reason for the breakup with his ex. Then the next day another man comments on this article and cites his cheating as a reason for the breakup with his girlfriend.
These are two entirely different situations right?
But they are connected in the fact that both of the women who dated these gentlemen are probably terrified to re-commit to them because they don’t want history to repeat itself.
Commitment Fear #2- She’s Wasting Her Time With You
Here’s a fun question.
“What can women do that a man can’t?”
Do you know?
They can bear children while we can’t.
This makes their relationship decisions VITAL to them.
Now, most women I have met want children at some point but did you know that there is a certain age in which a woman’s fertility drastically drops and where their chance for a miscarriage is substantially higher?
Care to take a guess at what age this happens?
Doctors have literally pinpointed this age as one where where a woman’s fertility drastically decreases.
So, lets take a step into a woman’s shoes for a moment.
If a woman wants to bear children in the future (which most women do) then that means that they have to find a man, most likely marry him and then get pregnant before 35 to achieve their life goals.
As you can see, this makes their time extremely valuable.
So, how does this tie into commitment?
If your girlfriend is in her thirties and she doesn’t sense things are going anywhere then she is most likely going to view you as a waste of time. In fact, I have had some women tell me that this has been a reason for their breakup from a man.
So, the headwind you are going to face in this situation is the fact that if your girlfriend was older then she needs to get the sense that your relationship is going to go somewhere.
Want me to define somewhere?
Somewhere = Marriage
Lets move on.
Commitment Fear #3- The Spark Won’t Come Back
I have to say that I am with women on this one.
Let me give you an example of what I mean by that statement.
Lets say that I was dating a girl and we had a really good connection when we were dating but gradually over time we started to resent each other. She was a bit flirty with other men and I was a little prone to jealousy. This combination caused us to start to bicker which eventually turned into full blown arguments.
Oh, and I am not talking about the type of arguments where you have a disagreement and go back and forth with it. No, I am talking about the type of arguments where you are screaming at each other with no regard.
Of course a breakup is on the horizon so its not very shocking when it comes.
(I just described my very first real relationship in high school 10 years ago.)
At the beginning I remember how exciting it was and how much of a spark there was but by the end the spark was gone and even after we broke up I would often think to myself,
“Too much has happened between us that even if we wanted each other back the spark won’t be there and my feelings won’t really be there”
This is a common concern among women who go through a breakup with their exes.
You see, women are challenging creatures to ignite.
What do I mean by that?
Whenever I look at a man who is trying to start a relationship with a girl I often think of a poor lost soul trying to start a fire,
No not like that.
I am talking about Tom Hanks in Cast Away trying to make fire with sticks,
What I mean by that is that it’s not easy to create the spark to ignite the relationship but once you do ignite it the fire burns bright. Of course, just like a fire in order to keep a fire going you have to make sure you add more firewood to make sure it keeps burning bright.
Relationships are no different.
They require love, trust, compassion and all that sappy stuff.
What I want to talk about is the “spark” part.
What happens if you are trying to re-ignite the fire with your ex?
Well, most likely she is going to be skeptical about it. You are going to have to overcome her fear that the spark isn’t there anymore. You are going to have to PROVE to her that not only can you re-ignite this relationship but you can keep it going.
Now, the question you are faced with is how?
How do you go about doing that?
How To Overcome Her Commitment Fears
Above I gave you the three most common commitment fears that women have when it comes to get back into a relationship with their ex,
- History repeating itself
- She’s wasting time
- The spark being gone
Now that you understand these fears and have a really good grasp of what is going on in your ex girlfriends head to make her have them lets turn our attention to the hardest part of this process, overcoming those fears.
I am going to take this one fear at a time so I can dedicate maximum time to each of them.
Lets start with fear number one,
Overcoming Her Fear Of History Repeating Itself
This is probably the hardest fear to overcome because you can’t fully overcome it until you get back into a relationship with her and prove to her that things are different this time around.
The real problem is that this fear may be so prevalent in her that it is preventing her from taking you back altogether.
So, really you have to fight this fear on two fronts.
- Front One- Convincing Her To Take You Back If She Has This Fear
- Front Two- Proving To Her That Things Are Different This Time Around
Lets talk about front one first.
Lets imagine that you had a job that you loved more than anything.
It paid well, had great benefits and you truly thought it was the best job you ever had.
There is just one problem.
You got lazy on the job.
You missed deadlines, lost accounts and got into fights with co-workers.
Ok, maybe not that bad…
After months of this your boss got fed up with you and fired you.
You were devastated when you were told that you had been fired and you vowed that you would do anything to get your old job back.
So, how would you go about re-pitching yourself for hire to your old job?
You would probably make a list of all the positive things that you brought to the job.
That list is below,
- Top Salesman
- Great Rapport With Clients
So, when you go about re-ptiching yourself to your boss what are you going to do?
Well, you are going to point out the fact that since they let you go their sales have suffered drastically and you were their top salesman.
You might also mention that some of their clients have actually called you after you were fired saying that they missed dealing with you and the person that your ex company has working with them is horrible.
Oh, and the cherry on the top is that you were never late and you know for a fact that many of the people working in the company show up late all the time (and we all know how much bosses love their employees to be early.)
Do you see what we did there?
We basically highlighted the positives that you had to bring to the table and reminded your ex boss how perfectly suited you were for the job that you were just fired from.
Getting your ex girlfriend to re-commit to you is very similar to the scenario I presented to you above.
It’s all about the pitch.
You have to basically become such an influence over your her that she thinks to herself,
“I do miss him… I do NEED him.”
But how do you do that?
Simple, make a list of everything POSITIVE that you brought to the relationship that you know for a fact no one can match.
- Maybe it was your ability to make her feel calm when everything was going wrong in her life…
- Make you met her physical needs better than any man ever had…. (yes, I mean sex.)
- Heck, maybe your relationship with her was so exciting that she told you that you were the best boyfriend she ever had…
These positive experiences are your ammunition to overcoming her fear that history will repeat itself.
You are going to magnify these positive experiences and minimize the negative experiences that she is so afraid that will repeat if she gets back with you.
“Ok, how do I do that?”
Man, you have a lot of questions has anyone ever told you that?
No, I am just kidding!
What you want to do is not be obvious about the fact that you are magnifying the positive experiences to her.
If she catches on to what you are doing then you are dead in the water. So, my favorite way of being subtle is to use a text message.
(Side Note: The tactic below shouldn’t be implemented until you first complete a period of NC and implement the Gatsby Method which you can learn about in my E-Book, Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO.)
Lets pretend that the BIG positive that you brought to the relationship with your ex girlfriend was excitement.
She never had a boyfriend as exciting as you and she absolutely loved that about you.
Well, knowing this you would want to subtly highlight that fact to her in a text message.
Hot air balloons are pretty darn exciting.
I should know because I have been on one before 🙂 .
God you probably hate me now…
Anyways, notice how this message grounded the exciting memory with the fact that the person just saw a hot air balloon.
It makes the message seem natural and not so forced.
Subtle messages like this serve as constant reminders to your ex girlfriend about the fact that you had a very exciting relationship. This forces her to remember the good times and push the bad times aside.
Now, don’t overdo this.
Just sprinkle texts like these in every once in a while.
How To Do This On The Phone
Sprinkling in positive texts to remind your ex of the good ole days is one thing but doing it over the phone is an entirely different matter altogether.
So, how do you do it?
Well, first you have to figure out how to transition from phone calls to text messages which I teach you how to do in Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO (check that out if you haven’t already.) Once you have done that successfully I want you to go through the following script,
(We are going to use the hot air balloon memory as an example here as well.)
You: You are not going to believe what I saw today.
You: A hot air balloon!
You: Yes really!
Her: Wow, that is so cool!
You: It reminded me of when we went on. That was actually really fun!
Her: That was really fun
Notice how bringing up the hot air balloon was subtle but relevant. The idea here while doing this over the phone is that you jog her memory of a really happy time. Now, one thing that I doubt any of the experts out there are going to tell you is that when you do this she may get quiet.
If this happens do not panic.
It simply means she is thinking back to that memory and it might even make her a little sad because she is remembering a time when she was so happy and she is not happy right now at all.
You want her to feel this because what is she naturally going to want to do?
She is going to want to feel good again and as long as she looks at you as the person who can make her feel good again then you are in the money!
One last thing.
The way you sound when you do bring up the memory is going to matter. You want to sound happy and upbeat when you bring it up.
Trust me on this.
What About In Person?
With text messages your ex girlfriend can’t hear your voice so it’s all about picking the right memory.
With phone calls your ex CAN hear your voice but she can’t see your face so the way you say the memory you pick is important.
Well, with in person encounters your ex can hear AND see you so the way you sound and look when you say the memory are important.
You still want to use the same script as above when you bring up the memory but you need to make sure you are smiling while you say it and it has to be a legitimate smile none of that fake stuff.
Convincing Her She Is Not Wasting Her Time
This section is geared more towards men who are commitment-phobes who were dating older women (30+ years old.)
In the section above entitled (Commitment Fear #2- She’s Wasting Time With You) I talked about a woman’s life goals with getting married, having children and also a woman’s ticking biological clock (at 35 their fertility drastically drops.)
All of that was meant to highlight the fact that it is more costly for a woman to waste time on a relationship that isn’t going anywhere.
Thus, if she puts you in this category (as a time waster) you have quite a bit of headwind to overcome.
Now, you may be wondering how I know all this about women.
Well, I am married to one and I will never forget what my wife told me the very first day we met each other.
“Don’t waste my time.”
Yes, she seriously said that to me and it definitely highlighted the fact that she was looking for something serious.
Now, if you think your girl doesn’t feel like this then you are wrong.
My wife is a one in a million woman who actually had the guts to be honest with me with what she wanted.
Most women expect you to figure this out on your own.
Your still wondering what my wife looks like right?
You thought she was ugly huh?
Nope, I married a perfect 10.
(Hey, I have to prove to you that I know what I am talking about and showing you the girl I landed is a good way of doing that.)
Can we move on now?
Understand that any woman past 30 has two things on her mind.
So, these are points that you want to hit on when the time comes. Now, you have to be clever how you hit them because your ex probably isn’t going to react well if you flat out tell her,
“Hey, I am ready to get married and have children with you now”
She is probably going to sit there and think to herself,
“What the heck… Why wasn’t I good enough for you before?”
Of course, if you use subtlety to your advantage you can maybe make her think,
“Hmm… maybe he has changed. Maybe he is ready for a deeper commitment.”
Lets talk about a deeper commitment first before I move on though.
If you suspect that one of the things that’s preventing your ex girlfriend from committing to you is the fact that she feels shes wasting her time with you and can’t accomplish the two things she wants to accomplish,
AND you know for a fact that you don’t want these things then let her go.
You are doing her a disservice by being selfish and not committing to her.
I mean lets think about this logically.
If indeed your ex thinks your relationship wasn’t going anywhere then the main way to overcome that objection is to prove to her that you are ready to commit. So, if you aren’t then you are just being selfish and I don’t want to help someone get back with his girlfriend who has no intention of progressing the relationship.
Alright, now that I have that warning out of the way how do you overcome your exes objections by proving to her that you are ready to commit in a subtle way?
Well, there are a number of ways.
I am just going to talk about my favorite way which also happens to be through text messages.
Marriage, Babies And Text Messages
There are some clever ways that you can hit on the fact that you are now ready for a deeper commitment with your ex girlfriend.
The two main points you want to hit on are the marriage and children but again, you have to do this in a very subtle manner.
Here is how you would hit on marriage in a text message,
There are a few keywords in this text that I want you to take note of.
Firstly, notice how the text message talks about how you “envy” your brother who just got married.
This is going to send a very strong signal that you look at marriage in a positive light. While your ex girlfriend may not initially let on that she his coming to this conclusion she will subconsciously file it away. Now, this is a very good thing because what comes after marriage?
First comes love…
Then comes marriage…
Then comes the baby in the baby carriage…
You get it?
If you highlight the fact that you think marriage is a positive institution (in a very subtle way) with enough text messages then you will without a doubt make your ex realize that you are open to the idea of marriage and commitment.
All the baby stuff is obviously just an extension of the marriage texts.
Lets move on to a more challenging scenario, creating a spark.
How To Make Her Realize The Spark Isn’t Gone
Without a doubt one of the hardest fears that you are going to have to overcome is your ex girlfriends fear that the spark between you isn’t there anymore.
Why is the such a hard fear to overcome?
Look at this logically.
Your ex girlfriend, who broke up with you because she wasn’t feeling it anymore, probably isn’t going to see a happy future with you if there isn’t a spark between the two of you.
I mean, would you take a chance on someone who you didn’t have feelings for or someone you know you didn’t have a spark with?
Things aren’t looking so good for you right now, huh?
Well, don’t panic just yet.
The thing that you have to keep in mind here is the fact that at one point you did have a spark with her and that spark was so powerful that she was willing to take a chance on a relationship with you. So, it’s common sense that if you had a spark in the past with her that you can get history to repeat itself.
The only question is, how?
How To Get The Spark Back
Well, the first thing you are going to need is a date with her and there are a certain set of rules that you are going to have to implement if you want that date. You can check out my book, Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO for those rules.
Lets just assume that you have a date with her and you need to create a spark.
So, how do you do that?
Simple, the name of the game when it comes to creating a spark is excitement.
You have to get her excited about the future, being with you or just how she feels about you in general.
So, how do you create that spark?
Well, I am an all or nothing kind of guy so what I am about to say here may be a little unorthodox but I would rather go down swinging if I was you than playing it safe.
Create a super date for her that ramps up the excitement.
For example, take her on a hot air balloon ride, on a roller coaster or any other exciting things you can think of off the top of your head.
The idea is that the more adrenaline she has the more she will look at you in a positive light.
Now, I can’t remember the exact psychological principle but apparantely if you take someone you like out on an exciting date that ramps up her adrenaline she will mirror her feelings and place them in you. Think of this like you are re-starting the fire with this date.
It makes sense that she would be more attracted to you, who takes her on a super romantic and exciting date. Than some schmuck who takes her to a dinner and a movie.
Now, the thing you have to remember is that getting the date is just as important as what you do on the date.
So, if you want advice on how to do that and get her to commit please check out my E-Book,