How To Use Text Messages To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back

Welcome to the ultimate guide to using text messages to get back together with your ex girlfriend.

When I started writing this guide I literally thought to myself,

“What if there was an entire guide that taught men everything that they would ever need to know about texting their ex girlfriend?”

Naturally, I got curious to see if such a guide existed online right now and I was shocked to learn that one hadn’t been created yet. I mean sure, some web masters out there have created “texting guides” but the truth is that most of them aren’t really worth your time to read because they don’t cover everything that needs to be covered.

I intend to about to remedy that problem with this guide!

This page has one simple goal, to teach you everything you will ever need to know about texting and how it relates to getting your ex girlfriend back.

Are you ready to get started?

How To Text Your Ex Girlfriend

In order for this to be considered the most comprehensive guide on texting we need to talk about the idea of time.

Time tends to change how we view things and sometimes what applies today certainly won’t apply tomorrow.

What does this have to do with using text messages to get your ex back?

Well, I am going to make you a pretty bold promise. Since I intend to make this the best free resource in the world on getting an ex back with text messages it’s going to require me to invariably come back and update it.

So, here is my promise to you,

As I learn more things that can help you with texting I am going to come back to this page and update it.

Right now I have broken down texting your ex girlfriend the right way into seven simple steps,

  1. Know when the right time is to text her
  2. Have a clear and defined goal of what to do when texting her
  3. Prepare a response for every likely outcome
  4. Your first texts need to create a synergy between three things
  5. Focus on rebuilding rapport with her
  6. Create attraction with flirting
  7. Transition from text messages to phone calls

What I’d like to do now is go through and really detail each of these steps and everything that it entails so that you know exactly what to do every step of the way. Of course, true to my promise I’d also like to ask you to come back to this page every few months or so to see if there are any new updates to the strategy.

With that in mind, let’s begin!

1. Know When The Right Time To Text Your Ex Is

Most men make a major mistake when they text their ex girlfriends. I am sure you have heard that phrase:

When emotions run high logic runs low

Well, let me ask you a question. When you go through a breakup do you honestly think that at that moment you are thinking logically?

The answer would be a resounding NO.

So, what typically happens when a guy texts an ex girlfriend immediately after a breakup?

Well, in my experience four things can happen.

  1. You can spam your ex girlfriend with text messages and leave her thinking that you are a psycho.
  2. You can send a bunch of really hateful messages to your ex girlfriend and hurt your chances of getting her back.
  3. You can send overemotional messages that are seen as needy or “begging.”
  4. You can send your ex a text, get a response and then eventually end up fighting with her again.

Lets take a moment to examine why we don’t want these things to occur.

Spamming An Ex With Text Messages

God.. isn’t it so annoying when someone, who you don’t want to talk to at all, continually messages you?

Well, if you spam your ex girlfriend with text messages then you will become this to her.

Yes, it is true that a lot of women loved to be chased. However, you start bordering on the pathetic when you send your ex 20 text messages back to back to back. Please don’t do this.

Remember, neediness is the opposite of attraction.

Sending Hateful/Mean/Rude Messages To Your Girlfriend

Ok, you are on this page because you want your ex girlfriend back right?

So, explain to me your reasoning behind sending someone, who you desperately want back, really mean messages that could potentially drive them away?

Hey, I am not trying to judge you here. I have been angry before and have said stuff I really didn’t mean to just get a “shot” in but the thing you have to understand about people is that they typically gravitate towards things that make them feel good.

In other words, the more your ex girlfriend associates bad feelings with you the less likely she will come back to you. It’s as simple as that.

Begging For Your Ex Girlfriend Back

Explain something to me.

What girl finds a guy begging for her attractive?

Sure, there may be some out there but generally women want their men to be… well, men and the thing about men is they don’t beg. Besides, have some self respect for yourself. It is literally pathetic when you start begging a girl to be with you.

Look, with this guide I am going to teach you to do something so much more powerful than begging.

I am going to be teaching you how to influence your ex to take you back so she thinks it was her idea when the fact was that it was your influence that got her to get back with you.

You End Up Getting Into An Argument Or Fight With Your Ex

This one I see a lot when men combine elements of what I have listed above.

Maybe in a moment of weakness you decide to start begging for your ex girlfriend back and she actually starts to like it a bit.

(Hey, it’s always nice to feel wanted right?)

The problem is that she doesn’t reciprocate your feelings and you are left feeling like a fool so you throw a tantrum which evolves into a full blown fight and you’ve just ended up making things ten times worse.

Now, this begs a really interesting question.

When Is The Right Time To Text Your Girlfriend?

I kind of got off track there a little bit didn’t I?

Well, let me just say this. Having an intense conversation with your ex right after a breakup is not a good idea. In fact, I think it is one of the dumbest ideas there is. Now, I do realize that logically you may realize that this is the case but when you are actually in a situation that you have so much invested in it is hard to take a step back and think logically.

Just know that most of the time texting your ex immediately after a breakup is a bad idea.

In fact, I cover this exclusively in my texting the bible.

This is why I recommend something called the no contact rule.

What is the no contact rule?

I am glad you asked.

The No Contact Rule- A set period of time where you don’t talk, text or call your girlfriend at all. Generally, there are three different NC “rules.” A 21 day rule, a 30 day rule and a 45 day rule. See my super post to learn more about which rule fits your situation best.

And if you aren’t much of a reader here is a quick video I did outling what it is,

The advantage of using a no contact rule before you text your ex is the fact that you can kind of get her on the ropes a little bit.

What do you think I mean by that?

Imagine that you were to use the 21 day no contact rule on your ex girlfriend. Around day 6 she sends you a pretty generic text message. You know, something like,

hey text message

For the next few hours she is constantly checking her phone waiting for a response except you are doing the 21 day NC which means a response won’t come.

This angers her and she swears to “make you pay.” Of course, we all know that women are emotional creatures so around day 14 into no contact you get another message from her. Except this time instead of a generic “hey” it is an emotional message and you are really tempted to respond to it but you don’t because you are sticking to your original plan.

Of course, since you didn’t respond to her emotional message she is hurt and promises to never text you again for the rest of her life which she articulates to you in a text 😉 . You don’t freak out because like I said women are emotional creatures.

Deep down she desperately wants to hear from you. You are the only cure to the pain she is feeling.

It is at this point that you want to contact her. When YOU become the only cure for her depression.. her sadness.

2. Have A Clear And Defined Goal When Texting Her

big picture goal

While this page is dedicated to text messages it is important to remember that the overall goal you are trying to achieve here is not to just learn how to text your ex girlfriend it’s to actually get her back.

While it is not impossible to get your ex girlfriend back through text messages it is highly unlikely.

“Wait… WHAT???”

Getting an ex girlfriend back is probably not going to be done strictly through text messages. It will probably take conversations on the phone and in person to achieve that goal. So, I think it’s best if you manage your expectations when it comes to texting. Rather than viewing it as the “go to” tactic for getting her back the smarter way to approach it is to view it as a stepping stone to getting her back.

What Is The “Goal” Of Texting Your Ex?


In my massive 12,000 word guide on how to get your ex girlfriend back I talk a lot about having a game plan.

Now, while I definitely recommend that you read that guide I am going to assume you are lazy and won’t (because let’s be honest you are.) So, what I am going to do is give you a brief overview of the “game plan” that I laid out to recover your girlfriend.

Texting/Attraction + Phone Call/Attraction = Date/Reconnection

And for our visual learners,

What does any of that mean?

After the no contact rule you will use texts to build attraction which should eventually lead to a phone call where you will build attraction and by then you will have built up enough attraction to earn yourself a date.

Obviously the process is a lot more complicated but that is the brief overview.

Now, at this point you may be wondering,

“What does any of this have to do with this guide?”

Well, this guide looks specifically at the “Texting/Attraction” part of the strategy,

In other words, this is the go to guide for teaching you exactly what to say through text messages to start the overall process out. But is that the goal? To build or rebuild attraction with your ex girlfriend?

Well, yes and no.

While rebuilding attraction is essential for getting your ex girlfriend back it isn’t the main goal you are trying to accomplish here.

Remember, the main goal is to advance from:

Texting/Attraction to Phone Call/Attraction or if you are lucky Date/Reconnection.

It just so happens that building attraction through texting is how you advance to the next level of the game plan.

Again, you should really check out that massive guide I put together because it will explain things better than I can in the short amount of space I dedicated to it here.

Understanding The Basics Of Text Conversations

(Need a step by step guide to get your ex girlfriend back? Check out The Texting Bible.)

back to basics

Before I can start getting into the tactics that you can use to help move the reconnection process along there are a few things I need to teach you about text messages. I entitled this section “the basics of text conversations” because I feel there is a lot you need to understand about the basics of this process before you take any major steps like text messaging your ex.

So, what is the first thing we are going to cover?

Hmm… how about word count?

Word Count

I have an interesting question for you.

How much do you think word count matters when you are texting an ex girlfriend?

It’s such a simple question right? And yet the answer tends to be quite complicated.

It is best if you don’t view word count in those terms. Rather, word count should be looked at as a “check” to see just how interested the person is in what you have to say. For example, if you send a text message to your ex girlfriend that is about 25 words and she responds with a 1 word answer that might be a little troubling. Sure, maybe she was busy when you sent that text and she didn’t have time to write a proper response but imagine if this trend was consistent throughout the history of your conversations as of late. Chances are probably high that she is not too invested in what you have to say (or she is just really pi**ed about something.)

My point here is that word count and how interested a person is in what you have to say can have a direct correlation most of the time.

“Wait, what do you mean “most of the time?”

Well, there will always be those women who get busy while they are:

  • At work
  • With friends
  • Out and about
  • You get the idea

The point is that you can’t automatically assume that just because you got a one word response ONE time from your ex it means that she isn’t interested in what you have to say. It could mean she was just super busy or that she didn’t quite know how to respond.

What you need to be looking at is the overall trend.

Like I said above. If you are consistently getting a one word text message response from her THEN you have a right to be worried.

Response Time

It’s interesting to me that no one really ever talks about the importance of response time when it comes to getting your ex girlfriend back. Most of the “experts” out there just focus on what texts to send. However, just figuring out what type of text messages to send is not going to help you understand the entire situation.

In this section I am going to teach you everything that you will need to know about response time when it comes to using text messages.

Now, before I really get started here I do want to say that not everything I say in this section will hold true to you. Look, your ex girlfriend is a human being and human beings are notoriously hard to predict. What I will be talking about in this section should give you insight into your ex but in the end every single man reading this will be in a different position because every girl out there is unique and what is talked about in this section is a generalization of women.

So, it is best to look at the information here as a “guideline” rather than a set rule.

Consider yourself warned.

The Basics Of Response Time

It is best to look at response time as a gauge of how interested the other party is in what you are saying (just like word count.) For example, in my book, I give an example where I was texting a girl and I responded to her texts every few hours. Based on that you can assume that I am not very interested in what she is saying. However, if I was texting a girl that I was very interested in and I responded to her texts every few minutes then I am definitely engaged in what she is saying.

Deep down this isn’t anything new. Pretty much everyone on planet earth with a cell phone knows this.

But what about when you apply this knowledge to your ex girlfriend?

Well, then things tend to get more complicated. Since you dated this girl we can assume that at one point you were her top priority when it came to texting.

Sure, she may have texted her friends a lot but during the high point of your relationship you were probably priority number one to her.

Immediately after a breakup do you think you are still a top priority to her?

Well, that depends on how bad the breakup was. Obviously if the breakup was really bad then she may not want to talk to you and you will have to earn the right to get those quick responses from her again. However, I would say that in most cases she will be willing to talk to you and respond pretty quickly if the breakup wasn’t horrible.

Of course, the question that is probably on your mind is,

“What do I do to earn back the right of quick responses if the breakup was really bad?”

Don’t worry, that is what this entire guide is for and I will be giving you the step by step plan on texting her a little later. First though, I would like to move on to how you can use response time to your advantage.

Using Response Time To Your Advantage

What do you think is better.

Rushing things when it comes to text messages?


Slowly building the anticipation so that you can almost get a guaranteed quick response?

I vote building up anticipation.

There is a way in which you can do this through the use of a text message to get a quick response and ironically it all has to do with your own response time. The fastest way to get a quick response from a girl is to build up the anticipation through text messages so that she is constantly waiting for your response to her text.

Pretty simple idea right?

Well, putting it into practice can be really tough because there are two battles that you are going to be fighting. The first battle is going to be the most obvious one in that you have to get her connected in a conversation with you. The second battle is going to be going on inside of YOU! It is the fact that discipline is going to be required to pull this off.

So, how does this anticipation “response” strategy work?

Your first goal is to engage your ex girlfriend in a text conversation. What you are going to be doing is looking for one specific text message. This text message has to be sent from her and it has to be one where she opens up emotionally or really wants an answer from you about something.

My recommendation is to look at the word count (yes the word count) of her text message. The longer the word count the better the text message to “pick.”

Lets say that you have accomplished this. You have engaged her in a texting conversation and you picked out a text that she sent that was high in word count and emotional (the more emotional the better.) Once you have your pick I want you to ignore this text message for:

30 – 60 Minutes!

Do you have that? Ignore her text message for half an hour to an hour.

Why do you want to do that?

Well, this is how the anticipation is going to be built. She will check her phone constantly waiting for your response. Heck, she may even get angry because she feels you are ignoring her (and women hate being ignored.) Of course, when your response finally does come 30 – 60 minutes later she will be absolutely thrilled.

What you will have successfully done if you pull this off is that you just made her realize how much she wants to hear from you and her response time should be quicker from that point on.

THAT is how you use response time to your advantage

When To End Texting Conversations

its over

Have you ever texted someone and intensely waited for a response?

You wait for what seems like an eternity (5 minutes) and you constantly check your phone waiting for that text message to hit but it never does. Now 30 minutes have passed without a response and you think to yourself,

“OH MY GOD… I will be alone forever. Why does my life suck??”

Essentially, if you are put in this position where you desperately want a text response you are left wanting more. This is a concept that I want you to wrap your head around because it is so important when it comes to ending texting conversations with your ex girlfriend.

I know this is a lot to swallow so lets just focus on the “wanting more” part for now. I will get to when to end the conversation later.

Why You Want To Leave Her Wanting More

Re-read the beginning of the section above.

You know, the part where I go on and on about how you desperately want a person to text you back but they won’t. If you are in that frame of mind then you are left wanting more. Now, imagine if you could do that to your ex girlfriend so she is literally anticipating your text.

This idea is something that I can’t really take credit for.

No, I am afraid I am going to have to give credit to pretty much every girl that has ever rejected me because every single one has successfully been able to do this to me.

If you end a texting conversation with your ex girlfriend and you successfully leave her wanting more here is what will happen.

  • First – She will probably look at her phone multiple times waiting for you to respond (if you follow my directions in the section after this.)
  • Second – When you do decide to message her again (either later in the day or the next day) she will respond very quickly to your text message.
  • Third – It is going to give you the power. What do I mean by this? Simple, if you leave her wanting more then that means to her YOU are the only want who can satisfy her emotional hunger.

As you can see there are a lot of advantages to ending a conversation where she wants more.

I guess now the question becomes HOW do you do it?

How To Leave Her Wanting More

Understanding how to leave your ex girlfriend wanting more is actually quite easy. But pulling it off is an entirely different story.

I mean, if it was easy I wouldn’t have to have written The Texting Bible.

The Texting Bible

What If You Knew EXACTLY What to Text, How to Respond, and How to Make Him Go Crazy Waiting for a Reply…

Learn More

Let me start off by saying that in order to leave your ex girlfriend wanting more she is going to have to be invested in a texting conversation. How will you know if she is invested. Well, you can look at things like response time and word count (which I covered above.)

The X factor here is how emotionally engaged in the conversation she is. In other words, if she is responding quickly with rather long messages it still might not mean she is emotionally engaged in the conversation. How can you tell if a girl is emotionally engaged in the conversation?

The truth is I really don’t know.

My best advice is that you have to feel it out. Generally, if you are responding emotionally to her messages then she is probably responding emotionally to yours. The key to leaving her wanting more is finding the high point of the emotional conversation. In other words, you need to keep an eye out for a text message that satisfy all three characteristics.

  • It has a high word count (25-60)
  • It has a relatively quick response time (1-5 minutes.)
  • It has to be emotional (you have to feel this one out buddy.)

So, lets say that I am texting a girl. The two of us are texting pretty frequently. Eventually I get to a point in the conversation where I find a string of text messages that satisfy all of the three characteristics I just talked about. It is at this point that I should end the conversation because that girl would be left wanting more.

The idea is to find a string of text messages that satisfy the BIG three characteristics. Once you find it then that is when you should end the conversation on a high note because that is how you leave someone wanting more.

Now, there is one thing I would like to point out.

Lets pretend that the string of text messages that have all three characteristics but are a bit negative (again, this is something you have to feel out.) Do you think you should end the conversation there?

NO, whatever you do, do not end the conversation on a negative note. If you do then that means you have just left your girl NOT wanting more. The idea is to end the conversation on a positive note because then she will associate the good feelings she has gotten throughout the conversation with you.

As you can see the “theory” is actually pretty easy to grasp but trust me when I say that it can be quite the challenge to put it into practice.

3. Prepare A Response For Every Likely Outcome

What if I told you that there are only four possible responses that an ex girlfriend can give you to a text you send to her.

Would you believe me?

Probably not but you’d be wrong.

  1. Positive response
  2. Neutral response
  3. Negative response
  4. No response

The four responses is something I covered in the how to get your ex girlfriend back guide pretty intensely and since the four responses directly relates to texting it only makes sense that I talk about them again within this guide.

Of course, I am going to be going a lot more in-depth on them and I will also teach you exactly what you are supposed to do when you get each response.

Lets get this party started.

Positive Response

I wanted to start out with the best possible outcome to a text and work down from there.

Obviously, the best type of text response you could get is a positive response. This is basically a text message that would look like this:

This one is pretty self explanatory. You text your ex girlfriend and she responds with a message that is clearly positive. It is happy, upbeat and might even make you smile. Messages like this are pretty much the holy grail when you deal with your ex girlfriend.

Think of it like this.

Every single time you get a positive response to a text message you are slowly inching closer to your goal of getting your ex girlfriend back.

What Do You Need To Do If You Get A Positive Response?

This one is pretty simple. You can either advance the conversation or end the conversation. Generally, I am a fan of advancing the conversation. The only difference when it comes to that is when you are sending your first text after the no contact period is over (which I will talk about in a minute.)

Let’s move on to the next type of response, neutral responses.

Neutral Response

Neutral responses are pretty self explanatory. You send a text message to your ex girlfriend and instead of responding positively she responds in a neutral type of way.

I realize that it is a little hard to explain so I think it would be best if I just showed you:

So, in the mock example above the man sent a pretty harmless text message to Georgia.

“Hi Georgia, I hope you are doing well.”

Rather than responding to that text message in a positive way Georgia decided to use a one word text message,


You will find that a lot of neutral responses are one word text messages.

What Do You Need To Do If You Get A Neutral Response

The challenge that you are going to face is that you are going to have to decipher if the message you got was a neutral response or just a fake neutral response.

I want you to imagine something for a moment. Lets say that you and your ex girlfriend are texting pretty frequently. The two of you are responding at a pretty good clip (meaning both of you are responding to one another.) I think in this case when she has already proven that she is responding to you in a frequent manner you don’t have to pay as much attention to neutral responses if they are in the middle of a texting conversation.

However, when you are starting a conversation and you get a neutral response then you need to pay attention because that means you probably shouldn’t engage her for a while. Let some time pass before you respond.

How much time?

Well, generally I would say 2-24 hours. How long is up to you.

Lets move on to negative responses.

Negative Response

Negative responses suck.

There is no way around that fact. If you get a negative response then you have definitely done something wrong (either that or your ex girlfriend is really crazy.)

What does a negative response look like?


If you are getting a response like that from your ex then you have some serious work to do.

In my experience, negative responses (when dealing with exes) usually always revolve around how bad the breakup was. The worse the breakup the worse the responses tend to be.

What constitutes a bad breakup?

If there was a lot of yelling, name calling, things thrown and mental warfare from both sides then I think you had yourself a pretty bad breakup.

What Do You Need To Do If You Get A Negative Response?

Have you ever heard that quote.

Time heals all wounds?

Well, we are going to really put that into practice here. The mistake I see most men making is the fact that they are unable to remain classy when they get a negative response.

Hey, no judgement at all here. I totally get what you are feeling when you get a negative response. Nevertheless, this is a time to let your class speak for itself. If you do get a negative response apologize for the inconvenience you caused and then do not text her back.

Don’t worry, you will text her eventually but it is going to have to be later down the road when her emotions have settled in a bit.

Lets move on to the final texting response that you can get, no response at all.

No Response

In my opinion, this is probably the worst type of response you can encounter.

Now, “no response” is pretty self explanatory. It basically means that you send a text message and your ex girlfriend doesn’t respond to it.

What I would like to talk about now are the different degrees of “no response.” In my opinion, there are two types of no response meanings. Lets start with the most positive outlook when it comes to NR (no response.)

Imagine for a moment that you and your ex girlfriend are having a texting conversation. Lets say that the two of you text for about 2 hours. After two hours you send a text message and she doesn’t respond to it. Technically, this is a “no response” type of outcome. However, do you think in this case it would be negative?

I mean, you did text her for two hours straight. In all honesty, that is pretty good. I think in this particular case a NR isn’t all that horrible. It’s not ideal (usually YOU should end the conversation first but we can survive with this.)

What you really need to watch out for is the NR when you reach out to start a conversation.

That would look like this:

Having this happen to you is probably the worst type of outcome. Lets take a look at how you are supposed to deal with it.

What Do You Need To Do If You Get No Response?

If you don’t get a response when you initially reach out don’t panic. Most men think that the world is ending. Trust me when I say it’s not. Heck, look outside the window right now if you need re-assurance. Not getting a response sucks but it can also tell you two things.

  1. That your ex needs more time before she can talk to you. So, give her that time.
  2. You may need to come up with a more compelling text message.

Coincidentally that is what the next section is all about, the first text after no contact but more on that in a second.

Do You Need Help Responding To Your Exes Texts?

Now, before we move on to the next section (this one was a long one) I’d like to point out that a few of you are still probably confused with how to respond to your exes messages. I realize I spent a good amount of time covering how to respond to each one of those responses but some of you may be looking for more.

Well, if that is the case and you want to go the extra mile I’d highly recommend that you check out this video I put together detailing the four best responses I’ve found when it comes to texting,

Don’t be alarmed because it’s a video meant for women. Almost all of the advice there applies to you!

4. Your First Text Needs To Create A Synergy Between Three Things

Assuming you have followed my instructions (by implementing a no contact rule) the first type of communication you are going to have with your ex girlfriend after the no contact rule is going to be done through a text message.

Why do you think a text message is better than something like a phone call?

Generally speaking a text message will yield a higher response rate and also a phone call after a no contact rule may seem out of place.

Hey, I am a huge fan of surprises but when it comes to this stuff surprises are never a good thing. I mean, look at it from her perspective. For the past month you have essentially ignored her and then all of a sudden she gets a phone call.

While she may be excited it is too much too soon.

Oh, and in case you forgot the main goal of this entire guide is to use text messages so you can advance to a phone call or a date. However, in order to do that you have to rebuild some trust and create some rapport and attraction. Don’t be the eager schoolboy ready to rush things. Be the man ready to advance things at a comfortable pace.

This leads us back to the first text message you send after the no contact rule has been completed.

They Synergy Of The Perfect First Contact Text Message

My thoughts on texting an ex after the no contact rule have changed over the years. At first, I thought it was all about being interesting and then a few years later I thought it was all about coming up with a compelling topic to talk about but now I no longer subscribe to the theory that there is one perfect text.

Instead, I’ve found the best text messages combine an interesting synergy between three things,

  1. Having an interesting hook
  2. Inciting curiosity
  3. And being so good it’s impossible for her not to respond

So it looks kind of like this,

So lets take a moment to talk about these three essential components to creating a great first contact text message.

The Interesting Hook

I’ve been doing a lot of reading lately.

Not psychology reading, just basic science fiction and fantasy reading. Some of the books that I’ve read have been amazing while others have been lacking something. The other day I literally read about 50 pages of a book and had to put it down because it was awful.

But why?

What is it that separates the good books from the bad books.

For the longest time I couldn’t figure it out until one day a lightbulb went off,

It’s all about the premise.

You see, books with a weak premise have to do a lot more to suck me in than books without a weak premise.

Or put another way, the books without a good premise don’t have enough to “hook” me in.

Do you see where I’m going with this?

Your very first text after the no contact rule has to have enough of a hook so that your ex buys into responding to you. If you don’t have a compelling hook you’ll find it’s much more difficult to see the type of response you are hoping for.

Lets move on and talk about curiosity.

Incite Curiosity

I’ve noticed that the very best “first contact” text messages seem to have some hint of curiosity to them.

A few weeks ago one of my coaching clients and I started working on a first contact text message.

Ultimately we decided upon a curiosity based one,

This is curiosity at it’s finest because it hooks into your exes fear.

Instead of thinking,

“God.. he’s texting me again…”

She’ll be thinking,

“Oh my god… what isn’t he telling me?”

And you’ll find that some exes freak out so much that they start to think you cheated on them.

That fear makes them curious enough to respond.

Lets move on and talk about the final piece we need for our synergy.

It Has To Be So Good It’s Impossible For Her To Not Respond

When it comes to first text messages your main goal is to get a positive response from your girlfriend.

In other words, your text message has to be so intriguing that she can’t not respond to it.

Seems relatively simple right?

Well, here is where things get a little trickier. Our goal here isn’t to bull rush her with something super emotional. No, we are going to take the slow and steady approach.

You are going to have to stay away from the following topics in your text message:

  • Your previous relationship with her.
  • Anything mean spirited.
  • Anything controversial.
  • Her new boyfriend (if she has one.)

So, what can you talk about? In my experience, your best bet is to go with something that reminded you of your ex. Something like a TV show, restaurant or sporting event. Let me give you an example using a TV show.

(For more text message examples please check out The Texting Bible.)

This was a nice little text message.

Basically the way it works is that you say that a TV show that you and your girlfriend used to watch reminded you of her. It is intriguing, non controversial and it should be enough to get her to respond. Of course, there is always the possibility that she won’t respond to you.

If you send a text similar to the example above and she doesn’t respond then don’t freak out. You aren’t out of the game yet. While it is a little bit of a setback I am going to tell you exactly what you should do. First things first, in the event that she completely ignores your text message wait about a week before you try anything else.

That means you need to slip back into no contact for 7 days (EVEN if she gets back to you on day 5 of that no contact.) After the 7 days is up it is time to send something that should yield a response 95% of the time. Something that I like to call the “Something I Have To Tell You” text.

The way this texts works is pretty darn simple.

Now, I don’t know about you but if someone texted this to me I would respond immediately fearing the worst. It is only human nature to fear the worst.

If your ex girlfriend receives this text then it will only be natural for her mind to be racing with possibilities.

“Did he cheat on me while we were together?”


“What if he is about to drop a bombshell?”

I want you to let these thoughts marinate in her mind for a bet. I realize that is a really cruel game to play but there is a method to this madness. While it may cause her extreme anxiety for a while it will also make her realize how much she cares about you and that is what you want.

Wait about 30 minutes after she responds to the text. That should be enough time to let her sit and worry for a bit. Of course, what happens next is where the real challenge lies.

What do you say to her?

Well, it can’t be controversial and it can’t be too emotional. However, it does have to pack a punch and make her interested enough to respond back. So, what do you say?

Hmm.. how about something like this:

Notice how the mention of the dog makes the entire statement non controversial.

Ideally what will happen is that she will be relieved when she reads the “something” that you had to tell her. The idea is to shock her with the initial “I have something to tell you” and then awe her with what you have to tell her.

Shock and awe man..

Shock and awe.

When To End The Conversation?

Lets pretend things go your way.

You have completed a no contact period with no slip ups. You have sent your first text after the no contact period and gotten a response. Essentially, you have followed the plans I have laid out here to a T and they worked for you perfectly.

There are still a few questions that we need to have answered.

Firstly, how long should you stay in a conversation with your ex for? Secondly, when should you end the conversation?

  • Answer to question one: Not long
  • Answer to question two: Very soon.

Alright, It should be ok if you engage your ex in a small conversation. What do I mean by small? I am talking about 2-3 text messages maximum.

However, if you really want my opinion I think you should end the conversation immediately. In other words, after you get a response from your first text message after NC you simply don’t respond or you say something like,

“Hey, I have a meeting coming up soon let me text you later.”

You want to end the conversation on your terms and get back to her at a later date. Remember, this is not meant to be a process where you accomplish everything you want to accomplish in a matter of hours. Rather, you accomplish it in a matter of weeks or months but trust me when I say if you are patient the strategies outlined on this page can be extremely effective.

If you are still a little fuzzy on the concepts I just talked about in this section don’t fret, I wrote a massive article explaining the first contact text in detail.)

Lets move on to the “re-building rapport” section.

5. Focus On Rebuilding Rapport With Your Ex

After you have sent the initial “first text” after the no contact period you should wait a few days and turn your attention to re-building some rapport with your ex girlfriend. Now, I have thought about how best to explain this to you and finally I settled on this statement.

Rapport is something that you have to earn and you earn it with a slow ascent of text messages that build trust.

I want you to think back to when you first met your ex girlfriend. Back when the two of you weren’t dating yet but you were in that “talking” stage. My guess is that building rapport was easy. No history had been written for the two of you yet so both of you got along great.

The situation you find yourself in now is that a breakup occurred between you and your ex girlfriend and that can cause some awkwardness when it comes to texting. Seriously, don’t underestimate the negative impact that a breakup can have on text messaging.

So, how are you supposed to overcome this roadblock?

Simple, with a slow and steady approach. Ok, most men who make it this far screw up royally because they go too fast. Re-building rapport with your ex when it comes to texting is almost the same as re-building trust. It isn’t going to happen overnight but if you slowly advance things you can see some fantastic results.

I want to give you a brief overview of what you should do to rebuild the rapport with your ex.

The Overview

  • You send your first initial text after the no contact rule and ended the conversation very quickly.
  • Your next text message should be sent about 1-3 days after the first initial text message after no contact. You should also look to extend the conversation a little bit deeper this time.
  • After that conversion ends I want you to wait a day before you start up another conversation. You don’t want to seem to available. Also, you should look to extend this conversation even deeper.
  • Again, I want you to wait a day before you start another conversation. This time you can really let loose and carry on the conversation for as long as you want (try to end the conversation first though.)
  • The very next day I want you to start a conversation with your girlfriend. Again, it can last for as long as you want.

There are a couple of things that I want you to take note of here. Firstly, do you notice how I slowly but surely upped the frequency of texts? At the beginning you would only talk once every three days and towards the end you were talking every day. This is the perfect strategy for re-building rapport.

Slow and steady wins this race.

Of course, the burning question in your mind is,

“What should I say to rebuild rapport with her?”

What To Say To Re-Build Rapport

The best piece of advice I can give you about rapport with your ex is to be interesting.

I want you to treat every single text message that you send her very seriously. Each and every one has to be well thought out and interesting. Oh, and here is the most important part.

You can’t get upset if she doesn’t respond the way you want her to (or if she doesn’t respond at all.) Look, your attitude throughout this entire process should be the following,

Your ex girlfriend doesn’t owe you anything. Do you have that? She owes you NOTHING!

Once you have that mindset mastered you won’t be as disappointed if things don’t go your way as quickly as you had hoped. Nevertheless, most of the time if you don’t get the type of response you were expecting it means you didn’t make your texts interesting enough.

I want to take a moment and give you some examples of the most interesting type of texts I have come across.

The Ridiculous Story Text

Now, obviously I just made that story up.

However, I am betting you found that story interesting. Stories like that to women are fascinating. The goal is to spark a good debate so you can get some rapport going. The more ridiculous the story the better. The disclaimer I would like to add is that you should not make up your ridiculous story.

I am sure if you think hard enough you can think of some bizarre stories in your life to share.

The Reminder Text

Do you want to know what every woman wants?

Every single woman on the face of this earth wants to feel wanted. They want to feel protected and cared for. One of the things I have always been impressed with is how caring women can be. Any girlfriend I have had is always there to remind me when important stuff is about to come up. While most men may be a little annoyed with the constant reminders I am not. I kind of like that there is someone out there watching out for me.

So, why not return the favor and have your girlfriends back?

In order to pull this text off you need to have specific knowledge about your ex. Knowledge like,

  • Her favorite TV show.
  • Important events coming up in her life.
  • A family members birthday (that is about to come up.)
  • Basically, anything that she would really appreciate a reminder of.

Why do you think this text is so interesting to women?

Well, actually it isn’t all that interesting to us men. However, to a woman having a man remind her of something that she would genuinely appreciate being reminded of means that, that particular man cares enough to look out for her.

And trust me when I say if you pull this text off then you are in a very good position.

Talking About Your Previous Relationship Via Texts


Talking about your previous relationship with your ex girlfriend can be pretty tricky because it is bound to bring up old memories and not all of those old memories are going to be very good. On top of the “bad memories” things get can get really emotional and if you don’t know how to handle those emotions the conversation is going to eat you alive.

I would first like to turn our attention to how you should approach talking to your girlfriend about your previous relationship.

Talking about your old relationship is bound to happen when you are talking to your ex. You need to understand that before you even attempt to send any text.

In fact, there is one particular exercise that I want you to take advantage of during your no contact period. I like to call it the “list” exercise.

The List Exercise

If things don’t go well when you talk to your girlfriend about your old relationship it isn’t going to be because you are unprepared. I am a huge fan of being prepared when it comes to texting conversations. This way you always have something to draw on to talk about to keep a girls interest.

Since we are specifically focusing on your ex here I want you to be prepared when your old relationship comes up.

One of my favorite things to do is to make a list of topics to talk about (aka: the list exercise.) I want you to create one of these lists about your old relationship.

Here is the twist though. The list has to be a compilation of your best memories together.

You know how successful musical artists have a “greatest hits collection” right? Well, think of this list as the greatest hits of your old relationship. We aren’t going to be focusing on anything negative. We are just focusing on the best aspects of your old relationship. That means there can be no negative memories on this list.

Are there any rules to the memories you can put on this list?

You bet your butt there are.

Rule 1: Every single memory has to be positive. (A high point in your relationship with her.)

Rule 2: You have to know for a fact that SHE loved these memories.

Rule 3: None of these memories can be about sex they have to be more about emotional connection type things.

Rule 4: It can’t be about the first time you said “I love you” or anything like that.

The more memories that you can put on your list the better. The point is that you want to have a lot of material to bring up. Now, lets pretend for a moment that you were able to think of something like 15 memories that you could use. Well, it isn’t enough to just text her something like,

“Hey do you remember that time that we did blah blah blah…”

When it comes to talking about memories the key to them lie in the details. The more details that you can bring to the table about how you felt, how she felt and about what happened the better. Now, the real challenge lies in the fact that you can’t get too overly detailed.

You want to be detailed but you also don’t want to go too overboard with them. Let me go through a few examples with you so I can show you how to properly use a relationship text.

Lets pretend that you and your ex girlfriend loved cuddling. While it’s not anything HUGE about your relationship it is an aspect that filled both of you up with good feelings.

Here is what a bad example of using a “cuddling relationship text” would look like.

Bad Relationship Text (About Cuddling)

It’s actually not a horrible text. I mean, I am sure if a girl I really liked told me that she loved cuddling with me I would be over the moon but the truth is that this text could be so much better. If you are going to be talking about an aspect of your old relationship with your ex girlfriend I want you to pay attention to the details and that is something that this text lacks.

You see, you should be talking about how cuddling made you feel and the specific things you liked about.

Here is a good example of how to do that.

Good Relationship Text (About Cuddling)

(Want more examples like this? You know where to go by now 😉 .)

Do you see how detailed that was?

Yes, I get that there are going to be some guys that read this and think it is the lamest thing ever. But you want to know a secret. Ask any girl what she would think if a guy she was falling for sent her a text like this. Something tells me that they would absolutely love it.

6. Create Attraction With Flirting

Do you know what the definition of attraction is?

Attraction: The action or power of evoking interest, pleasure, or liking for someone or something.

More specifically did you know that in order to create attraction two things are required?

  1. You have to be physically aroused by a stimulus
  2. You must be able to label that experience as arousal

So lets break that down for a minute.

Lets pretend that there is a girl walking down the road and she happens to pass Mr. Leonardo DiCaprio,

He looks at her, she looks at him and immediately she goes weak in the knees.

She can’t help but giggle to herself and winds up looking like this,

This would be our definition of attraction, right?

But do you actually understand what happened here to create it?

Well, two distinct things happened.

DiCaprio served as the stimulus for attraction,

And then of course as the girl saw DiCaprio she labeled the feelings she felt, the physical processes that responded naturally as attraction,

So, once you understand the nuts and bolts of how attraction works we can actually distill it down into flirting over text messages.

How To Flirt Over Text

Above I just broke down how attraction works. Well, now it’s time to take that lesson and apply it to text messages.

When you text your ex we are aiming to make you the stimulus of the attraction that your ex feels.

In other words, we are trying to position you to create all kinds of warm and fuzzy feelings within your ex girlfriend. While it seems simple the reality often tells a different story. Lets pretend that you decide that you are going to go out of your way and text your ex to create some type of attraction.

Really what you are aiming for here is for her to feel any of the following,

  • Excited
  • Nervous
  • Happy
  • Worried
  • Goofy

But why?

Well, if she feels those things while texting you, you are going to be the natural stimulus causing those emotions and she is going to associate those emotions with you.

I’ve told you about MOE, right?


Well, MOE stands for Misattribution of Emotions which basically states that human beings will transfer an emotional state onto something that feels natural to them.

In other words, if your ex girlfriend is texting you and you begin flirting with her and she begins to feel excited then she is probably going to transfer those feelings of excitement over to you. It’s a super sneaky way to make her fall for you again without her even realizing it.

But how?

What can we send to create this kind of an outcome.

The Best Flirting Text Message I’ve Ever Found

I’ve been doing this for a long time and I’ve seen a lot of different text messages.

But out of all the text messages I’ve ever seen this is without a doubt the most effective text message I’ve ever seen to create attraction. Of course, before I give it to you I need to give you some context.

This is what I like to call the attraction equation.

Now, is this a universal equation that you can use for every situation for the rest of your life?


This is something only meant for you to use on your ex girlfriend and the brilliant part about it is your competition (other men) are too dumb to figure it out.

Of course, it does require you to do some actual work and if you slack on that work it’ll show.

So, how does this work?

Well, basically I am sure there is something that your ex girlfriend loved that you couldn’t stand throughout your relationship. It’s one of those things where every time she would bring it up in your relationship you’d basically ignore her.

Once you find that thing out I want you to learn everything there is to know about it.

Now, why go through all this work?

One of my favorite quotes all time is from a movie named High Fidelity,

It’s not about what you’re like, it’s about what you like.

It’s a great line from a great film that definitely holds some truth.

Close your eyes and imagine something for me for a moment.

You hate Buffy the Vampire Slayer but your ex girlfriend loves it more than anything.

For years she tried get you to watch it but you always rebelled saying it was dumb.

Eventually she breaks up with you for whatever reason and you are left wanting her back.

How do you impress her?

How do you make her fall for you again?

Well, you take an interest of hers that you weren’t really into before and become an expert in it and then when the time is right you drop this beauty,

7. Transitions From Text Messages To Phone Calls

Ideally, what we hope happens is that you do such a good job texting that your ex girlfriend will want to talk to you on the phone naturally. However, it is my experience that most women wait for men to make the first move and that is not a problem because I know exactly what you can do to get your ex talking on the phone in no time.

One of the biggest concerns that most men have when they are about to call a woman is the fact that they are worried that she may be busy or preoccupied. Most of us are pretty nice guys right? We don’t want to be a burden and interrupt her day.

Well, what if I told you that I had discovered a way in which you can transition from a text message to a phone call seamlessly and have a super high success rate. Do you think you would be interested in learning something like that?

The Texting Bible

What If You Knew EXACTLY What to Text, How to Respond, and How to Make Him Go Crazy Waiting for a Reply…

Learn More


Well, lets get started then.

The Time Of Day Matters

I do a lot of research when I put pages like this together.

Seriously, every time I start writing one of these I think to myself,

“I have to create the best page on this topic in existence.”

When I was researching ideas on how to transition from texting to phone calls I came across this book that actually recommended that you call your ex during the day (when she could be potentially busy at work.) That is officially the dumbest idea ever.

Do you know what an inconvenience it is to get called at work?

It’s a HUGE inconvenience.

I know this may be asking a lot but you need to be aware of your exes day to day schedule. Not in a stalkerish kind of way I just mean you have to be aware of when she will be at work, out with friends or basically any time that it is not socially acceptable to take a phone call.

Assuming you want this phone call with your girlfriend to go well you want her to be alone in her room or something like that. The point is to get one on one time with her that won’t be interrupted and trust me when I say you aren’t going to get her undivided attention if she is at work or out with friends.

When is the best time to potentially set up a phone call?

  • At night before she goes to bed.
  • A weekend when you know she is alone.
  • Sometimes in the morning (not my preference though.)

Ok, now that you know when to set up a phone call with your ex girlfriend lets talk about how you actually set one up. In other words, how you can transition from text messages to phone calls.

Transitioning From Text To Call

Most guys make a classic mistake when calling their ex girlfriend.

Most women love surprises. However, in my experience when it comes to getting an ex girlfriend back surprises are your enemy. Now, tell me, what is a bigger surprise to a girl than an ex boyfriend calling her up out of the blue with no warning at all?

I have always been of the mindset that you should give a girl a warning before you call her. However, I am a pretty clever guy so my “warnings” don’t sound like warnings at all.

Essentially my “warnings” are stories that have to be told on the phone.

What do I mean by that?

I think it’s best if I just show you.

Lets say that I am in your shoes and I send the text above to an ex girlfriend I am trying to get back.

The first thing I would have to come up with is a compelling story to tell.

I think I would tell a funny story because funny stories are always interesting to people. Now, I can’t make up the story it has to be real that is important. Women always appreciate authenticity and a story that is made up is not authentic.

Now, the initial “transition” text message also serves as a test for your ex girlfriend.

Notice how the text message says,

“Can I call you and tell you about it?”

This part of the message serves as the test for your ex girlfriend. She can either accept your invitation to talk on the phone or decline it. If she accepts it then you can run around your house like a crazy man full of excitement. If she declines it don’t take it personally. She may be busy at that particular moment or you may not have built up enough attraction yet. It just means you have a little more work to do.

Let’s Talk In The Comments

When I started this massive resource I made a pretty bold claim,

I am going to do everything in my power to make this the most comprehensive guide on texting your ex girlfriend in the world.

Well, I feel in order to do that you and I need to have a conversation.

I know there are things that you are dying to know that I haven’t covered in this particular guide and you are in a situation where you kind of need an answer sooner rather than later.

So, if this guide doesn’t cover something that you need to know simply ask in the comments.

One of my team member or I will personally answer you and give you a quick response.

I will be taking all of the questions that I haven’t successfully covered and updating this guide throughout the months.

I can’t wait to talk to you 🙂 .


Written by EGR team mate

Chris Seiter

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1975 Comments on "How To Use Text Messages To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back"

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Yo I’m in the “can I call you to tell about it” stage how do i advance from this? I’m thinking i play it safe an wait it out An make her enjoy talking to me again? Any advice on topics to spice up everyday conversations or should I be texting her every other day?

Hi, I have started no contact after a relationship break up. I am currently onto day 5, but I have have received a couple if messages. First 1, that she will always care but can’t help her feelings in that she has fell out of love and bord, and as much as she knows I’ll be sad it will be the right decision in the long term. And a second 1 a couple of days later saying “I will also need to come and collect my things” do I carry on with no contact, or do I arrange for her… Read more »

I messed up on establishing the nc rule and texted her she told me she broke down last night and i told her so did i i thought if i mirrored it would be more supportive. I started telling her whats been going on in my life and the success ive been having but i felt like she responded in sarcasm by saying she happy for me then she didnt reply. Should i just establish the no contact rule again or what should i do?

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Ju,

Yes, you need to restart nc.

Hey! Thanks for all your help so far 🙂 I got myself in a bit of a problem …. basically I did NC and started texting my ex again … we were talking quite alot and things were going good … but I think I ruined it by sort of going nuts with my texts … I think I started flirting too soon which resulted in her putting her defenses up … we were out (seperately) and i drove her home … we kissed and spoke a bit and she told me it was ok if I spoke to her… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Let her initiate contacty for now..

Ok, I am in the process of destroying my relationship or have done so already via text and social media. The two of text a lot. These are and always have been short exchanges. A sentence or two and stickers. Yesterday there were 690. Her second language is English. So I get a bit obsessive and paranoid when I do not hear from her. I generally respond almost immediately after she texts unless I am asleep. I write mostly for a living so am near the computer always. I also use social media to advertise. She knows when I am… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi NC,

how much do you see each other in person?

Please help I’m stuck and i don’t know what to do So my girlfriend and i broken up and the reason was me i used to make mistakes and after like 4 minutes of making it i go back to tell her sorry and explain to her the mistake and she decided to break up with me The point is Now it has been a month since we broken up I tried the NC rule but not as you say I was replying to any text she sends with (1-3) words and every (4-6) hours per message i send and… Read more »
Continue here… So that time i started to reply to her every one hour and more words count and somedays i was the one to start the conversation by a good morning text and all Now we’re going so good we’re talking to each other all the time in the day and i think it’s the right way to get her back after all that is to keep the conversation going all the time to make her fall for me again like the first time and that’s what I’m doing I’m talking to her like like we used to talk… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Ammar,

have you gone back into going out together again?

hello … i need a bit of help! So me and my ex broke up after 4 years … she said that she didnt feel the same way anymore and stuff like that … I think most of the issues came when i started being needy and maybe a bit dishonest about stuff … after 20 days NC i spoke to her yesterday and we had a light converdlsation … she asked how I was doing and i said I was good and that I have been working on myself etc. to which she replied saying that the break up… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor
Hey … So me and my ex broke up after a 4 year relationship …. she said she didnt feel the same way anymore etc. I think most of the issues started when I was being very needy and clingy. I did NC for around 20 days and just spoke to her today … started out by saying something reminded me of her and asked how she was doing … she replied and we had a light conversation about how we ve been doing …. I told her I was doing good and have been working on myself to which… Read more »

Hey, Chris and team. So, how should I start the conversation after I’ve built this enough to a stage where we’ve started talking on daily basis? Like, should I go by a simple Hi or Hey or wait till something interesting comes in my head? Thanks.

Hello, me and my gf broke up just over a week ago, we were together for just over 6 months, everything was great, didn’t see eachother too often due to work and other circumstances but we both knew that what we felt for eachother from the start was real and different from previous relationships.. we see a future between us. The night we kind of broke up (i say kind of as she didnt say it, i asked if this was us breaking up and she said i suppose so) she wasn’t sure, it’s like she was confused.. she threw… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Bryan,

do at least 30 day and make your posts public. So that if she checks it through a different account, she will see it.

Hello, I met a girl on bumble about a month and a half ago. During our conversation on the app, she was very interested in me and took the first opportunity I gave her to show her interest in me, suggesting a date. From there our dates and times just hanging out we great, she initiated the first kiss, the first time having sex as well as the only other time we did, suggesting we see each other more than once a week, and then she initiated things that were more serious like meeting friends and family. We talked about… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jay,

Just do 21 days. Be active in improving yourself and in posting. After nc start with texts first, then calls and then meet ups. Take it slow. Don’t rush things.

Hi! I really appreciate the guides you write, I find them exceptionally useful. I have a question though, because I find my case a bit special. My ex broke up with me in the sommer and she could not really give me any explanation. I think she does not really know why. We are both engineering students and she started to date some older guy (13 years older) for about 2 mounths now. I applied the NC rule 2 times. The first time I had to break it after 4 weeks, because I had some issues she could only help… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Gabor,

She doesn’t trust you. Build rapport through texts firsts and then calls and then meet up but if you always see each other in person then slowly build it through your conversations and then later on making your interactions more romantic than friendly.

We were in a long-distance relationship. We lived about four hours away from one another but only met up like once because well her mom doesn’t like me really and she wasn’t ready for me to go there yet I guess, and she’s busy (school softball etc.). She wanted to meet up in a few months when she was less busy. Anyways, so I’m an insecure person. I let my insecurities get to make and make a dumb decision. I went to her and approached the idea of a break. The thing that made me approach the idea of a… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jay,

talk to her sincerely on what the real score is. If she doesn’t want to get back together, start nc because otherwise you’re just letting yourself to be friendzoned. If she likes you, you already gave her the chance by talking to her sincerely. If she passed on that, her loss.

So, my girlfriend dumped me. It’s a long story and here’s my attempt to explain it. We were in a long-distance relationship. We lived about four hours away from one another but only met up like once because well her mom doesn’t like me really and she wasn’t ready for me to go there yet I guess, and she’s busy (school softball etc.). She wanted to meet up in a few months when she was less busy. Anyways, so I’m an insecure person. I let my insecurities get to make and make a dumb decision. I went to her and… Read more »
Hello, I met a girl on a dating website about a month and a half ago. During our conversation on the site, she was very interested in me and took the first opportunity I gave her to show her interest in me, and suggested a date. From there our dates and times just hanging out we great, she initiated the first kiss, first time having sex, suggesting we see each other more than once a week, and then she initiated things that were more serious such as meeting friends and family. We talked about it as we went, but we… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jay,

Just do 21 days. Be active in improving yourself and in posting. After nc start with texts first, then calls and then meet ups. Take it slow. Don’t rush things.

Hii, I tried the Nc rule and afterwards me and my ex became friends again. I think she still likes me deep down because she obviously gets jealous when I hang out with my female friends. (As she keeps starting and clearly becomes a bit upset) But she’s the type of girl with an attitude she won’t directly show that she’s interested. Whenever I text her she replies with an attitude For example- Me- Hii. Had your dinner? She- yes (a neutral reply) *And then if I talk to her she shows her idgaf attitude… But when I stop talking,… Read more »
My girlfriend of nine and a half months broke up with me eleven days ago because she said she hadn’t felt the same for a while and she didn’t want to do long distance when she went to college. I made it through a week of no contact until I messed up and asked one of my friends who had been talking to her how she was doing, and what they were talking about. I said some things to my friend that I shouldn’t have said and I made her really mad, and since no one else would talk to… Read more »
Ben Wright
Hello, My girlfriend of 6 months broke up with me 2 weeks ago and we haven’t talked until this weekend just gone, when we were together everything was going great, she say’s the logical part of her is telling her to stay with me but something just saying she can’t. I have a feeling over the month of december I was a little needy/clingy as I had the month off work and she did not. I asked her to go for coffee monday and she was busy, yesterday she sent me a random text saying, “i’m super hungry, I guess… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Ben,

be coy..tell her coffee is more fun being close to her.. but have you done nc?

So my girlfriend and I broke up during the summer, I will refer to her as Cod. Cod and I broke up because she thought I had feelings for a previous girlfriend of mine, which to be fair I had feelings for her but not in a romantic sense. We will call this ex-girlfriend Sav. Sav and I had been friends for years, around 9 years, we dated briefly, and ended in a brutal fashion. I was sad to lose a friend of mine and in the summer when Sav and I were at a swim meet together, Sav thought… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Ned,

are you still friends with Sav?

Edward Kaiser

No, Sav and I are longer friends. I stopped trying to talk to her and maintain that friendship after the police incident in the summer.

Edward Kaiser

No, Sav and I have ceased all contact since before summer. We haven’t talked since and I have no intention of trying to rekindle any friendship.

Edward Kaiser

I’m not sure if my responses are going through. I am not still friends with Sav.

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

that’s good that you’re not in contact with Sav anymore..If it’s been months on nc I hope you have a lot of posts.. that if she gets curious, when she sees them, she would think you’re moving on.. dont use a memory text.. try to ask opinion on something she’s good at

Hi So I was in a relationship with a girl, Coscos, for about 3 and a half years. I have always been good to her never cheated never once intended to hurt her. I broke it of after 4 to 5 week of her being distant with me and hanging with her friends constantly. So basically I messed up on the best thing that has ever happened to me because she hurt me by being distant. I soon realized that she felt that I use to choose my friends and social group over her and when she finally found one… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Yux,

did you tell her why you broke up with her?

Hello! Well.. I am abt to end 45 days nc.. i and she will be both busy in exams.. she has blocked me in all chatting platforms and does nit have an fb account.. gmail is the only contact i have.. when we broke up though her replies were almost instant… Rarely took more than 15 hours to respond but the response used to be negative so i started no contact without replying to her last mail in which she said i am very annoying and she hates me a lot.. My question is.. as we both are busy in… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

even if she doesn’t have fb account were you actively posting? If yes, did you make your posts public?


Yes.. I am actively posting in fb and publicly. Shes blocked me everywhere from whatsapp to hangouts. Gmail is the only way i can contact her.
As exams are going on and she would be focused there, would it be good to contact her now? And how to initiate contact through email?

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

because exes get curious.. especially that you’re not chasing her.. she will wonder what you’ve been up to. If you did that all throughout the 45 days, then just set a limit on upto 2 weeks more max.. after that, if you’re still blocked, then ok, initiate by May.. Because if you initiate right after the exams, it’s obvious that you were waiting for that.. but if you’re still blocked, that means you have to move on.


Thank you! Will thank you more if i get back her!!


One last question.. what if i finish my no contact earlier by any chance and she doesnt respond? Then also another no contact should be applied? For how long? 2 weeks or less?

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

It’s better to finish it than to keep on restarting it because the more you restart it, the less it can help you..


I met her in the middle of exams and gave her a gift. She didnt show anything to me but her friend who was with her later said that she was smiling looking at my present.
Then last sunday i sent her a mail after exams got over. She replied the next sunday.
What are your plans for the future? Which college? Which subject are you opting? All the best.. bye
What do you think about this. How do i react? Its the thursday after the reply.


The mail I sent though, i said her how much i love her. I lost my control. But still got this neutral reply. I was really scared i would not gt a reply at all.
Well, if i was earning i would have surely bough your books. They seem interesting! But i am still in school. Not earning. Still not independent. Once i start earning i would surely buy. But please help me out right now!

So i was with this girl in a relationship for over an year and we are from far away and we’ve been together only a couple of times.The last two months were based on arguing and discussions over small things and she blammed me for not giving her the attention that she needed and wanted,and she broke up with me one week ago. Right after this,she started a relationship with someone else and I think its a rebounding relationship. I was dumb and tried to bring her back to me in an act of desesperation and even confronted her to… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Harry,
you can initiate after nc..check this one:
My ExGirlfriend Has a New Boyfriend


She watches my all posts and status… But never replys.. Now i m following NC 21 day rule… but i want to ask u if she dont msg me or call me. Then what step i have to do?

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

you can initiate after nc.. and continue improving yourself and being active in posting while slowly building rapport.


If you send her a letter letter and she receives it and then a christmas video you singing on a ukulele and then she says that shes touched till the bottom of her heart. Is it a good sign or shes just polite? We had a no contact rule for 45 days before that

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Matt,

hmm.. if she doesn’t want you back, what you just did is obvious that you’re trying to get her back, so maybe and touched but that doesn’t mean she would want to get back with you..

Lee Y

“Deep down she desperately wants to hear from you. You are the only cure to the pain she is feeling.

It is at this point that you want to contact her. When YOU become the only cure for her depression.. her sadness.”

I was curious of at this point of NC, its recommended to break it and start a dialogue?

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Nope, Chris was giving a hypothetical situation.. what he meant that after the 21 day period of nc, you will initiate contact.

Please Don’t Laugh At My Story… Well Right Now I am in my 12th Standard and Please don’t mistake to be an immature boy. Now let me tell you my condition. I belong to a middle family ,avg. in studies, avg. in almost every thing :(… I was a time when I was in my 10th Standard. First Class , first day, and the My Life -The Prettiest girl I have ever seen enters the classroom..She was new to the school..and her family shifted to my city that year..I Kind of fell in love with her at first sight..and honestly… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Arsh, .

if you followed nc, how many days did you do it? How much did you improve yourself?

Please Don’t Laugh At My Story…Please Don’t Laugh At My Story… Well Right Now I am in my 12th Standard and Please don’t mistake to be an immature boy. Now let me tell you my condition. I belong to a middle family ,avg. in studies, avg. in almost every thing :(… I was a time when I was in my 10th Standard. First Class , first day, and the My Life -The Prettiest girl I have ever seen enters the classroom..She was new to the school..and her family shifted to my city that year..I Kind of fell in love with… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Arsh, .

if you followed nc, how many days did you do it? How much did you improve yourself?


Same here man.. understanding ur feelings… Im also in 12th nd from India… Love in 11th…mostly texting.. seriously want to marry her.. She broke up in december saying she wasted a year due to me… Facing ur same situation..


Initiated first contact after 30 days NC
She replied with “what do you want? ”
I havent replied to it
Is that a negative response?
What do I do next?

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

She gave a negative response.. what was the text you sent?


it really works

Hi, Me and my ex both (probably too much) deeply fell for each other and were together about a year, both a uni, `anyway we went on a break which just turned us toxic as i got jealous and annoyed. Shes now blocked me on all social media and is kinda seeing someone else but said to me today it isnt serious and she does not want to be with anyone for a long time depsite them texting everday. We got very toxic towards the end calling each others names, my question is, is there still hope or will she… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jack,

Are you going to do the no contact rule?


Does this mean after the first initial text message should I limit my text message 2-3 text message and also the next day after that???

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Yes ans then slowly increase it in the next days

Hey, ok so my story is a little different but I hope uou could give me any advice since I really do not know what to do anymore. So I moved to another country about a year ago and I met this girl at my work (love of my life for sure) , we started seeing eachother more and more and felt really atracted to eachother, Even though she said she was seeing another guy for around 3 years~ but that this was kinda over. (her first boyfriend which she still had feelings for/ cared about). She could not let… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

HI jpg,

Talk to her one last time on what the real score between you two is.. If she doesn’t want to be with you.. Start the no contact rule..

Amit Bhatt

Dear Mam,

You can send this email id to him.


EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Owkay! I’ll send it today..Thank you too!

Amit Bhatt
Dear Recovery team, I was in a no contact rule with my ex and as per your suggestion I was not talking to her. on day 21 of no contact rule she called me 5 6 times and so i have picked up phone and we had a discussion on our relationship. In that conversation she was trying to convince me to merry other girl. She was telling that our fields are different so its better to merry another girl. For the shake of me at least you have to merry another girl she was telling. Finally I told her… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor
Hi amit, I deleted your number for your privacy. If you want a coaching call with Chris, I can forward this email. He does it for a fee and if you want to, he’ll send an email to you.. Restart the count of nc after the day you replied to her and do at least 30 active in improving yourself and in posting and dont beg nor chase again.. Desperation is not attractive.. Being clingy is probably what made her end the marriage agreement because even if you agreed to her focusing in her career , she doesn’t see… Read more »
Amit Bhatt

Can you forward my number to Chris? I am ready to talk and pay.


EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

He will be contacting your through email on further instructions to have a call with him..So, I’ll send this email if you approve it.. If you have another one, just reply it here and I won’t publish it..

Amit Bhatt

i cant find my comments in list

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor
Hi amit, I deleted your number for your privacy. If you want a coaching call with Chris, I can forward this email. He does it for a fee and if you want to, he’ll send an email to you.. Restart the count of nc after the day you replied to her and do at least 30 active in improving yourself and in posting and dont beg nor chase again.. Desperation is not attractive.. Being clingy is probably what made her end the marriage agreement because even if you agreed to her focusing in her career , she doesn’t see… Read more »
Hey, so after about a month of no contact I’ve finally got my ex to begin texting me back after sending a long message of how I was sorry for all I did and all that I am doing to fix my problems. (-I had trust issues, accused her of cheating for no reason – jealous of friends and family – pushed her away when I would have anxiety and depression – I started little fights when my anxiety started getting really bad before we finally broke up) Now I have her replying almost instantly to every message but the… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Corey,

Explaining change, means you didn’t really change…what new routine did you start and how active are you in posting?

Hello. My ex and i broke up 2 years ago, we made a promise to wait till she turns 18 to get back together but through out the time we were talking like a couple, then kept getting into small fights so she thought it was best to tell me to move on. I decided to do the no contact, and it worked but while she was talking to me, she kept talking to this guy i hate a lot, one day i decided to go see her and while i was there she kept making up all these excusses… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Deadpool14,

You have to stick to your word and do nc again.. Be active in improving yourself and in posting..

Well we broke up about 8 months ago.. 80 percent of what led to our breakup was my fault .. I was so much in love but kept messing up .. After we broke up , I immediately started apologizing to her through text and calls and I realize it rather pushed her further away .. So I went with the NC Strategy for couple of weeks and whilst doing that , I worked on myself to be a better person for myself and anyone that will come into my life but I still wanted her to be the last… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

HI Andrews,

restart nc.. and stick to at least 30 days and slowly build rapport after that..

My and I had an on and off 2.5yrs relationship, we were going to make it work this last July before she visited her country, anyhow during our ‘trying to working it out’ period she met some guy at a festival and they have been talking non stop ever since then.. mind you this was supposed to be our period of working things out and before she left she seemed to be madly in love with me again, anyway when she came back she basically told me she respects and admires this new guy more than she ever did me(this… Read more »

Me and my ex have been broken up for 11 month’s we were together 3 years its like she up and down talk then don’t talk she brought me my things as she asked for a hug i stood there then went to hug her and she lookes at me and gave me a long kiss sometimes she talks sometimes she dont she say maybe we’ll get back together then its no

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Will,

Are you going to do the no contact rule?

Me and my ex have known each other for almost 7 years dating off and on. We separated back in June due to a huge argument where I said some really mean things, she basically said she was hurt and was basically done with us. I sent a few texts after saying how sorry I was and asking for forgiveness but for the most part my texts went unnoticed. I then randomly sent her a text saying I missed her which she didn’t respond to but she posted a video on her IG of her out with some guy but… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi John,
Even if you didnt talk for a while, it’s not no contact period if you were not focused in improving yourself and being active in posting in sites where posts lasts.. And then continuing that after no contact period while slowly building rapport.. Do you want to try that?


Hi. My girlfriend and I broke about two years and I’m trying to get back but all she told me was she’s with someone else and she loves him so much that she can’t break his heart. What do you suggest I do now please?

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Mike,

You broke up two years ago? When did you ask her back?



I tried the no contact, reconnect with my ex and went out a few times with her.. but the other day on the phone we had a chat and she told me she see me as a good friend and do not see any future in us. What should I do?

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jim,

when and why did you break up? How long and when did you do nc? How much did you improve and how active were you in posting during and after nc while slowly building rapport? Why did she say that? Did you ask her?

So yesterday I sent my first message after NC and my ex answered 3 hours later with a pretty positive response. I did not answer that text. Her roommate sent me a picture of my ex on Snapchat of her in a dress later that night (her brother is getting married this weekend) saying that it’s really ugly and asking me what I thought. I said that it didn’t matter because she’d look great in anything she wore. The Snapchat conversation continues for a few about nonsense and then it ends. About 30 minutes ago I get a text from… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Ryan,

how are you now?

Hi. Me and my ex were tgt about a year plus reaching 2 years. She is seeing someone which is her colleague and I’ve been doing the NC for like a few days. Previously I was trying to convince her that this ” break up is not necessary ” and she was giving me all negative replies. Like saying don’t talk to me, don’t find me and saying I’m with someone else. I checked her ig story and she was with the guy, putting her legs over his legs and saying she happy and everything. By the way I was… Read more »

The reason of the breakup was that she is not happy and she is always angry and tired

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Luqman,

you mean she cheated on you? When did you break up?

Hello. My gf and i just broke up a week ago. We dated for 1.5 years and lived together. But not she has moved her stuff out and she has a new boyfriend. We have had sex a few times since the breakup and it was after i found out she has a new bf. But when i asked her about it she told me that it doesnt matter, then she told me that she wants to take things slow with him, but she still wants to be friends with me because she doesnt want to lose me completely out… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

HI Rin,

Try the no contact rule and the advice in this site first.


Hi Amor

Can I still use these tips even if my ex is dating someone else? She dumped for somebody else and what I’m most afraid of is if the guy she is dating starts messaging me while I’m trying to talk to her because I use to be friends with the guy.

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Yup, you can use the advice above


Hi I wonder if you can help please
I met somebody and we were dating for a few weeks. She then tells me that she wants to go back to her ex. I texted her and she did not respond. Following that I texted her two more times and she had responded to my third text after a few days od sending it. All of my texts were sent within 3 day period. Can yo please advise what should I do next?

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi George,

Do you want to try the no contact period?

Thanks very much. This is my fifth day of no contact period. In her last email ( which was her first response to my 3 emails after she had told me that she was getting back with her ex) she had told me that she needs my emails emotionally and would like to receive them whilst she is going through the motion of getting back with her ex. As I understand it in this circumstance the no contact period should be 2 weeks but I am not sure. Can you please let me know how long should the no contact… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

do 21-30 days.


I did 28 days of nc and reached out with old memory text. I received an immediate response. We exchanged a few texts then no response from her. She texted an old memory text 5 days later and I responded and received no response from her. It has been about 5 days since. Should I continue to initiate or wait?

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Yup you should but use a different topic

Hi, My exgf and I dated for a little over a year. The breakup was about how she loves me so much and obsess over me but I continue to disappoint her. I implemented NC after begging and when I first texted her, she seemed to be glad to hear from me but angry that I ignored her. When i tried to end the convo on a high by saying i have to go, going to dinner. she immediately said date ok have fun. so i ignored. Then later on in the night she randomly says it again. I think… Read more »

One more thing, shes still in a im sure rebound (based off your article). immediately jumped into it after asking me for another chance and i said id think about it. this was a week post breakup. i dont think she has a right to pester me about what she thought i was doing. it was a family dinner

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Michael,
how long did you do nc, how much did you improve and how active were you in posting during nc and now? And what was the first text you sent?

Amor, thanks for the response. No contact was only about a week because she kept texting (i also did NC a couple weeks ago but she kept reaching out). She was always one of those people who can’t seem to go a while without contact. Also, she is one of those affected by Harvey so I thought things might be different since the subject would not be about us. but it ended up being a huge fight where unfortunately i lashed out at her because of her hot and cold behavior when shes been the one trying to get my… Read more »

One more thing, i have not tried going out and dating yet, just cant seem to find myself being available to anyone else. but back to the original discussion, she did tell me she would have something to lose if i had been on a date. Is this a game? i feel like shes just throwing me on the backburner.


Amor, really confused now. I started the NC rule and all of a sudden out of no where, she lashes out at me. Later on, she told me that she dumped that dumb person. I have not responded and i dont think i should unless she straight out says i want you. Whats your take on this? I still have never initiated

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Yep and then talk about how you want the relationship to run this time


Amor, what if she’s in and seems like she wants me. she told me i mean so much to her and she gets all jealous but she unblocked the guy she had a rebound with after she told me all that? I still think shes toying with me


well i told her the conditions that both of us should follow which was get rid of anyone that doesnt belong, like whoever she was with and my friends she wanted me to get rid of. but she went running back to that guy. im convinced she thinks this game is fun so maybe NC all the way is the only way to go

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Yup, stick with at least 30 days