By Chris Seiter

Updated on July 9th, 2022

The No Contact Rule is one of the most talked about ex recovery solutions you will come across.

It is often employed following a breakup.  But why does it work so well?  What are those reasons that make it the most popular get your ex back strategy

Well, we are going to explore what makes this concept so effective for so many broken hearted people.

And it doesn’t matter whether you are trying to apply this with an ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend.  This concept has application to both sexes, irrespective of your age and  length of relationship.

Is it foolproof?

Of course not.

But if you are looking to  understand why implementing No Contact following your breakup can optimize your chances of getting your ex back, then you have come to the right place.

I am going to give you 9 reasons why the no contact rule will work for you no matter how complicated your breakup.

And guess what?

I am going to give you the counter argument too, so you can see where it might not work in some instances.

Just because you hear about it all the time,  doesn’t mean that the no contact rule will always be a reliable go to strategy. 

That’s right, sometimes NC is not the approach you want to adopt.  There may be other methods you can turn to.  

So we are going to talk about all these situations  and in doing so, list out and discuss the reasons why NC (also called Radio Silence or going Silent) may be the best or the worst thing you could put into place.

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9 Reasons Why No Contact Could Be Critical In Getting Your Ex Back

not reaching out

If you have been crushed with the news of a breakup and need a way to recover, heal, and somehow convince your ex he or she made a huge mistake, you should take a hard and long look at implementing what has been commonly called the NC rule.

So what is it that makes this principle, this process you put into place, so successful? Well,  I have 9 ways of explaining this to you. Let’s get started.

1. It Eases The Suffering After the Break Up

Just before and during the breakup, both the boyfriend and girlfriend have very likely gone through hell and back.  They call it a “break”  or “split” in the relationship because that is essentially what has happened.  Tempers have flared and serious problems have emerged and before long something has to give.  Through all this, you and your partner have very likely undergone a lot of pain and suffering.

So one of the advantages of the No Contact Rule is to allow you both time to focus on regaining your sanity and allow the emotions to settle back.  This is the first phase of the healing process which leads us to the all important recovery period.

2. It Allows You Time To Recover From Your Wounds

As I discussed above, you have probably been through the ringer. So now its time for you to do things for yourself.  My Ex Recovery Program calls for you to focus a lot of your energy on recovery activities so you can become whole again and start to see things more clearly. This can take some time, but is crucial.

Trust me, you won’t be able to make important decisions later if you are still in a world of hurt.  You will be more prone to making mistakes like begging or threatening your ex, which only results in you antagonizing your ex.

3. It Creates An Opportunity To Become the Best YOU

So in this stage of Recovery, your focus should be on the becoming the best version of yourself.  This is not just good for you and your future in all things, but it can also serves as an “attraction force” for your ex. 

Your ex boyfriend or girlfriend will notice the difference and they will like it. Perhaps they won’t admit it, but they will likely see some of these positive changes you have embraced and it will influence how they see you.

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They also might notice that others are enjoying this improved version of yourself and become a bit jealous, even envious. 

Increasing you personal power and reinforcing your value is very much part of what you should be trying to accomplish during the No Contact  Period.

4. It Prevents The Two of You From Causing Further Damage To the Relationship

Often after a couple parts, they can’t help but be pulled back into the negative breakup loop, which results in more fights and name calling and all kinds of ugly outcomes. 

All of the backbiting and resentment can chip away at the good that was left from the relationship, driving you both further away from each other.  

By employing No Contact, you in effect remove that possibility, ensuring that no further damage will be inflicted on the relationship.

5. It Allows You Time To Regain Your Perspective

One really important thing you need to do is regain your sense of perspective.  When you are coming out of a breakup, your mind and emotions will likely be in all the wrong places. 

You need to detach and remove yourself from your ex so you can more objectively look at what has really happened.  

There may be things you have done which contributed to the downfall of the relationship. Only later can you see the path you were on. 

And conversely, there may be many things your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend did that hurt the relationship.  Perhaps over and over again, to the point of abuse.  They too need a chance to open their eyes to what really went down.

Sometimes you can’t see the big picture of what happened and what to do until you step away and regain some perspective.

6. It Paves the Way For A Better Future

Implementing No Contact is about many things, but the most important outcome is to take you down a path where you have a better future.  That could be with or without your ex in your life.

This is the ultimate benefit of No Contact.  It consist of many elements and tactics, but they all converge with the intent to get you to a better place, a better future for both of you.

7. Allows You To Take Back Your Personal Power

I often see relationships in which one partner has all the personal power and sometimes they misuse it to a point where a breakup occurs.  In most healthy relationships, both partners have equal personal power and respect what each other brings to the relationship.

If the personal power balance is broken, implementing No Contact can allow you to see that more clearly and then do something about it in the future if the two of you are going to effectively co-exist as a couple.

8. You and Your Ex Are Able to Hit The Reset On Your Relationship.

So as you can see, No Contact is a mechanism that consist of many things that ultimately allows for you and your ex to hit the reset button on the relationship.

You can start over.  There is no rule that says you can’t.  You can learn from the past and your partner, whether it be your boyfriend or girlfriend, can team with you to take the relationship down a healthier path.

9. It Sets The Stage For Creating Attraction

Part of this resetting of the relationship includes the creation of attraction.  There are many components of attraction, but when you both come to believe that the problems of the relationship can be solved with a better frame of mind and new ideas and tools to help you, that knowledge can be powerful and attractive.

So implementing the No Contact rule is about opening each other’s hearts to a new possible future and that can be very inspirational and emotionally attractive.

And during the No Contact Period, you can also do things to enhance your own personal attraction.  It is all part of the value building process that I talk about with my Coaching Clients when I teach them what they can do to re-attract their ex.

7 Reasons Why No Contact Won’t Work After Your Breakup

NC won't work

Unfortunately, the no contact rule (Radio Silence) is not always the right method to turn to.  Some couples may be facing situations where implanting NC is either not practical or realistic.

So don’t try to force it just because you read that it often works.  Repairing relationships after a breakup is not a cookie cutter process.  Each situation needs to be studied and understood before you implement an ex recovery plan.  

So let’s talk about some situations where implementing No Contact is likely not going to be your number one solution to getting your ex back

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1. The Split Is Just Not Bad Enough

Some couples may fuss and fight and feelings will get hurt.  But in some of these situation, what the couple needs is just a little time apart so they can quickly reset their attitude and come back to their partner with a different, more positive frame of mind.

There are lots of things in our lives they can throw us off such that we are not the best boyfriend or best girlfriend for our partner that day.  But that does not mean a breakup or a no contact separation is necessary, even if you both said some horrible and foolish things.

2.Your Ex Was Not Really Serious

Sometimes when our emotions are flying high, we can pull the trigger too fast. Let’s say your boyfriend tells you he is fed up with you and would rather just break up with you than have to deal with all the stress of being with you.  Those are painful words indeed.  They not only sting, but strike deep at the  survivability of the relationship.

But just because your ex boyfriend (or girlfriend) says such horrible things in a moment of anger or rage, does not make it really true.  What could be true is your ex is really angry and needs to unload and these negative and ugly words were the first things out of his mouth.  

But in some of these situations, when he takes a step back and truly measures what he feels and wants, it’s not a breakup.

Often your ex is looking for  a chance to vent.  What’s more  likely is your ex is looking for a way out and a solution to the problems you are both facing.

3. You Find It Difficult Adhering To The No Contact Rule

Unfortunately, while the No Contact Rule may be the best thing for a certain situation, the person may not be very well equipped at implementing it.  Try as they must, they often will fall short and end up doing the opposite of what they are told to do.  

But in a way, this is really a cop out.  Perhaps the first time you tried NC you failed because you were drawn back to the temptation to contact your ex. Or  maybe you could not resist responding to your ex’s text just to see whether they felt differently about the relationship.  These impulses can be hard to resist, but they often lead us down the wrong path to ex recovery.

But you can try it again and do it better after learning from your earlier failures.  So don’t allow this to be your excuse for giving up on Radio Silence.  Give it a chance to work.  

4. You Are Both Entangled In Each Other’s Life 

It could be that your relationship is very complex involving  things like entangled finances and family obligations.  It can seem next to impossible to properly implement no contact if you are working together or live together. 

And what if you have children together? How is no contact suppose to work in those situations?

It doesn’t. 

At least not in the full form that you may imagine.  In these situations it may be more pragmatic to implement a limited form of No Contact, such that you give your ex maximum space, but communicate only as needed when non personal matters arise.

But even still, there may be certain situations where one should not try to implement No Contact, even in its limited form. There may be other approaches that allow for continued communications which I will get into a bit later.

5.Your Ex is Exceptionally Stubborn

Sometimes it can be difficult to produce maximum results from the no contact rule if your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend is exceptionally stubborn.  

They may be so set in their ways and so wrapped up in their cocoon of hate and resentment that the better strategy is to move on.

Investing a great deal of your time in some of the NC tactics intended to indirectly get their attention and reinforce your value could be a complete waste of time if your ex is stubborn to a fault and stays firm on the notion that the breakup is permanent.  

Now this does not mean you would not benefit from the other elements of No Contact which deal with your personal healing and recovery.  So in that respect, making use of Radio Silence is still a very worthwhile and necessary endeavor. 

But if you are encountering an ex who is an unmovable object, then take you measure of success from those things you do to lift yourself up.  

6. You Did No Implement the No Contact Method Correctly

Sometimes people will say they tried doing NC but it didn’t work.  But when I quiz them further I discover they did not even come close to implementing it fully and correctly. 

There are many elements to effectively implementing NC.  So coming up to speed on how it work is key.  That is one of the reasons it took me 485 pages to write my flagship product, “Ex Recovery Pro“.

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7. It’s The Wrong Solution For Your Case – Try “Being There”

As I mentioned above, there are other approaches that may be a better fit for your breakup situation. One of them is called, “Being There” method. 

There is a lot to say about how this works and I could literally write a book.  But to put it briefly, the “Being There” method is about keeping things positive, but not coming off as overly communicative or pushy. 

It’s important to have you own life and your own personal power.

But you don’t want to completely shut down communications.  You want to create an environment where you ex feels compelled to chase you at times, reaching out to connect.  During this period, you will be leaving little breadcrumb reminders of your value and what he or she is missing out on by not being with you.

Obviously,  I could talk on and on about this.  Let’s do this – feel free to leave me a message (see Contact link at bottom of Page) and tell me about your situation.

I will offer you some insights on how you may want to proceed, including how and why the Being There method may or may not work in your case.	

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