None of us are the better versions of ourselves following a breakup.

It is not usual for us to fall prey to some of our worst actions and behaviors, feeling needy and helpless.

Feeling desperate after your breakup with your ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend is not something you should feel ashamed about.

I know it makes you feel horrible when it seems like you humiliated yourself.  Being overcome with sadness and this overwhelming sense of loss and neediness is not the end of the world – though it may temporarily feel like it.

If people are telling you that you are acting psycho after your breakup, it’s probably because at some level you are falling apart.  The good news is that these feelings are not rare or way outside the norm and you can do something about it to reverse the negative course you mind find yourself on.

Even the most normal of us can be filled with desperate thoughts.  But the good news is you can learn how to fight for your relationship without looking desperate and like a loser. It starts with a Recovery Plan.

Trust me, there are no complete winners or losers after a breakup.

Everyone involved is hurt in some way and we all have the capacity to learn from our mistakes of the past and apply them to the future.

So How Do You Regain Your Dignity After a Heartbreaking Breakup?

It can be a tough road to recovery if you don’t have a road map on how to help yourself get better.  It starts with some things you should start doing and stop doing!

Feeling desperate and giving in to those impulses can sneak up on you, particularly if you are stubborn or if the weight of the breakup is taking a hard toll on your personal life.

That loss of all the positive feelings and sensations (think dopamine release) your relationship once provided can tip you over into the mode of doing all the wrong things.  Ironically, many people who fall into this trap know what they are doing is wrong and that they should stop.

But the desire to connect with your ex just that one more time, coupled with the hope they may change their mind or that the two of you can work it out can be overpowering.

Here are 5 things you can do to start getting some control back.

Here Are 5 Things You Should Start Doing To Bring Control Back To Your Personal Life and Stop Acting Desperate

finding balance

  • One way of fixing this awful emotional place you find yourself swallowed up by is to be reminded that these bad feelings will not last forever.  So do go visit my website and read up on all the things I talk about as it relates to the importance of recovery.  I offer an array of resources and services that can help you get some perspective and control of your inner feelings.
  • Learn to forgive yourself.  As I said earlier, any of us can fall into this trap of feeling vulnerable and obsessing over our ex.  Go to the mirror right now and tell yourself you forgive yourself.  I know it sounds dumb, but this is the first step to ending this “beat myself up” kind of behavior you may find yourself repeating over and over again.
  • Remove all visible reminders of your ex.  Right now, it probably won’t take much to set yourself off and plunge back into the wrong behavior.
  • Sometimes a change in scenery can do wonders.  Part of the reason why you feel trapped by your emotions is because you may be caught up in the same routines.  So it’s time to break the routine pattern.  Take a trip and get away from things.
  • Instead of allowing yourself to stew and overthink what has happened, flip the emotional script you are engaged in by taking on new activities that will require that you devote your full attention.  After awhile, you will realize the desperate feelings that gripped your life will dissolve away as you put things in perspective.

Here 7 Things You Should STOP Doing To Avoid Acting Needy and Desperate

stopping unwanted emotions

  • Stop looking at your ex’s Facebook Page or Snap chat or Instagram postings.  Such behavior is going to stir up all the wrong feelings
  • Quit blaming yourself or your ex for your misfortune.  The truth is that relationships are hard and things can go wrong.  Only after taking some time away from each other can you see the bigger picture of where things really stand and how you should proceed.
  • Stop thinking about your situation day in and day out.  It’s time for a new lease on life, putting your focus on other things and people.  Only then will you arrive at a better place.
  • Don’t immediately accept any phone calls or respond to text messages if your ex contacts you.  It may not serve your long term needs if you start talking too soon to your ex.  This is often the case if you choose to use the No Contact Rule.  Too often, people will start the process, but fail to complete it properly as they give in to temptations.  If you implemented No Contact for the right reasons and are doing it in the right way, your ex should understand why you need space.
  • Don’t go forward without a plan.  It won’t help you if you shoot from the hip.  Sometimes if you follow your “gut”, you will be disappointed.  Get advice on how to proceed to improve your chances going forward.
  • Don’t assume that it’s all over just because you became overly needy.  Your ex, while he or she may be annoyed with you, will understand to a large degree why you are acting like this.  In some cases, it feeds into their ego. Once all of that attention is taken away, they may actually start to miss it.
  • Sometimes it’s best avoid advice from friends and even family.  While they may be well meaning, they too can be overly invested and can steer you in the wrong direction.
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