When you see the relationship with your girlfriend crumbling before your eyes, the most predominant thought which can occupy your mind is usually how to save the relationship before she breaks up with you.
It is a terrible predicament to be in when you feel her slipping away.
So how do you save it and keep the bond strong?
Let me first give you the short answer on how you can prevent her from leaving you, then offer up several ideas on things you can do to strengthen and save the relationship.
To save your relationship when you feel it’s slipping through your hands involves taking the opposite approach than what your girlfriend is probably expecting. Instead of taking on desperate measures to try and hold on to her, let her know that you support her fully in doing what she needs to do to realize her happiness. Do less, not more to keep her from breaking up with you. The more you resist and fight her on it, the greater likelihood that she will pull away to end things.
So that is the core part of your approach in trying to turn the relationship momentum back in your favor. But above and beyond this central approach, there are some actions you can take to help you weather the storm.
7 Step Plan To Subtly Convince Your Girlfriend Not To Breakup
Sometimes it pays to be clever in small ways, using time and the strategy of the gentle nudge as your guiding force. When it feels like things on the relationship front is unraveling with your girlfriend, the worst thing you can do is act with emotion or intensity. More often than not, your girlfriend will be turned off by you trying to tighten your grip. You need to come at it in a different way. Here are seven strategies you can consider.
1. Acknowledge That Things Are Not Working
If you are not on her side during this difficult period, then you are lining yourself to be the very thing she is try to separate from. So right from the beginning, acknowledge and agree with what she is saying. If you belittle her and make your girlfriend feel her uncertainty is not valid, it will work against you.
Chances are that your girlfriend is really not sure what she wants. One day she may feel convinced the relationship isn’t working. The next day she may be filled with uncertainty. This is the natural order of how many people will operate on an emotional level when they are unsettled about their feelings.
The more you feed into the negative side of how she is processing her interactions with you, then the more you add to her troubled mind.
2. Take Her Side Without Being Obvious
What I am asking you to do, so to speak, is to walk a bit of a tight rope. You don’t want to come out and tell her that you are an awful boyfriend. You don’t want to throw out everything good that the two of you are about.
There will be a time for you to underscore some of your good qualities without looking obvious. But the time is not now as it will come off as self serving and tone deaf. The better relationship posture you should embrace with her is to humbly agree with many of her points and to encourage her to speak openly about them.
Just allowing her to get her concerns out into the open can be therapeutic in itself and create a bond of increased trust as she sees that you are not defensive about it. You want to be supportive.
3. Give Her the Option of Taking a Timeout From You
If she is seriously still considering a breakup, yet is not sure what is best then you should continue to play the role of someone who is her friend, expressing understanding and empathy. Tell her that if she feels like taking a break from you, then tell her you won’t be offended and want what is best so that she can get in touch with her uncertainties.
The idea here is not to make it easy for her to pull away, but rather make her feel like she is not trapped and that you are not going to get upset and feel resentment. This may free her up to start to see again the qualities you possess that made her fall in love in the first place.
Love is not an easy thing to break and toss aside, particularly if the person you fell in love with is right before you saying a lot of the right things and being supportive.
4. Be a Friend and An Enabler of Her Search For What Is Right For Her
So as you progress though the supportive conversations that you will naturally have with her, it will serve you better to take on the role of a friend, not her lover.
The longer you have been together as a couple, the harder it will be for her to push you out of her life if you position yourself to be a positive force in her life. Whatever got the two of you where your are now was likely neither of you behaving as the best version of yourselves.
5. Allow Your Girlfriend To Get In Touch With Her Feelings
If you want to save the relationship and avoid a breakup, then you need to convey to your girlfriend that she will not know what is truly in her heart until she has a chance to get fully in touch what her feelings.
To do that she needs to be separated from you, but without the drama of a breakup. Encourage her to take a trip and spend much more time with her friends.
Absence can make the heart bleed for the one you love and that is one of the outcomes you hope to achieve. Sometimes you have to let something go in order to realize how important it is to you. That is the lesson you want your girlfriend to learn.
6. Maintain the Bridge of Communications During This Phase
Now that you have established a non stress and friendly relationship with her during this period of her emotional search, it should be easier to maintain open and honest communications without her feeling bad or guilty.
Give her a lover’s reprieve. Tell her that whatever happens, you will always be friends first and hopefully lovers too. But underscore to her in supportive terms that if she ultimately feels things are not working for her then conversely you it won’t work for you either.
Try to allow your girlfriend to initiate more of the communications. Don’t shut her out. And don’t be afraid to touch base with her. But when you do, it needs to be in a friendly, not threatening manner. Keep things short. Don’t make a nuisance of yourself.
7. Throughout This Process Strive To Consistently Be the Best Version of Yourself
So while your girlfriend is trying to figure out what she really wants and trust me, this seldom happens expeditiously, you need to be fully focused on being the best version of yourself in all respects.
This applies to how you look and talk and dress and socialize with friends both in public and through social media.
The idea here is you want her to take notice of all of your finer and attractive qualities.
Think of becoming an all new you. Make some subtle, but noticeable changes such as the clothes you wear or your haircut. Take on some new hobbies and find ways to ensure she learns about them.