By Chris Seiter

Updated on November 14th, 2022

Jane Eyre once wrote,

“Flirting is a woman’s trade, one must keep in practice.”

While I am sure there is some truth to that quote it’s a bit sexist because us men need to keep in practice too.

So, that is what I am going to teach you to do today.

Actually I am going to do a lot more than just teaching you to flirt with your ex girlfriend.

The truth is that it is my ambition that after reading this article you will become a professional flirt.


That actually sounds pretty bad.

Maybe I should step back and explain what I mean by that.

You are here because you probably want your ex girlfriend back.

At least, that is the assumption I am operating under.

So, this guide is going to teach you how to properly flirt with your ex girlfriend so you raise your chances of getting her back.

In other words, you are going to be a professional at flirting with your ex girlfriend in the context of getting her back.

Get it?

Here is a quick rundown of everything that I am going to be covering today.

  • The Art Of Flirting
  • Flirting With An End Goal In Mind
  • Three Types Of Flirting With An Ex Girlfriend
  • How To Flirt With Your Ex Girlfriend

I know at first glance this doesn’t seem like it covers a lot but trust me when I say that this is going to be the most comprehensive guide on flirting with exes you will find online today.

I fully expect this article to be a minimum of 5,000 words and each one of those words is going to be teaching you something valuable about the art of flirting.

Speaking of the “art of flirting..”

The Art Of Flirting

hello dog flirt

Flirting is an art form.

At least, that’s what I need you to believe if you are going to be trying to get an ex girlfriend back.

Have you ever sat back and wondered.

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Why are some men good at flirting and others look like a fool when they flirt?

It’s because the men who are good at flirting treat it like an art form.

Now, what do you think I mean by that?

How can flirting be an art form?


I think I can best explain this by giving you an example.

You like tennis, right?

I am sure you have heard of someone that goes by the name of Roger Federer, right?

Well, Federer is someone who treats tennis like an art form.

Every shot he hits has purpose.

Every serve he hits looks like it was graced with perfection.

I mean, for gods sake the guy is so good at tennis that the talking heads of the sport say this about his game,

  • “Roger can produce tennis shots that should be declared illegal”
  • “He’s the most gifted player that I’ve ever seen in my life. I’ve seen a  lot of people play. I’ve seen the (Rod) Lavers, I played against some  of the great players – the Samprases, Beckers, Connors’, Borgs, you name  it. This guy could be the greatest of all time. That, to me, says it all.”
  • Evolution of the game, “First, there was tennis, then there is Roger Federer.”

Federer is someone who treats tennis like an art form.

Now I want you to take a look at a recreational tennis player.

You know, someone that would play at a much lower level at a local tennis club.

This is someone who does not treat tennis like an art form.

They miss every other shot they swing at.

Their serve is equivalent to that of a moon ball

Oh, and at the end of the day people don’t say anything about them. They make fun of the way they look when they play.

A recreational tennis player is not someone who treats tennis like an art form.

So, when I say flirting is an art form I am talking about the fact that if you want to become a “master flirter” then you need to treat it like an art form.

Every look you give your ex has to have purpose.

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Every text you send her has to be well thought out.

Every time you talk to her on the phone you need to be on your game.

Don’t play around when it comes to stuff like this.

So, now that I have shifted your paradigm about flirting a bit lets take a moment to define what flirting actually is.

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The Definition Of Flirting

flirting or nice

Have you ever looked up the definition of flirting before?

To be honest it’s a little frightening how many interpretations there are.

To “flirt” with danger.

To show interest in an idea without committing fully.

Perhaps the most widely accepted definition of flirting is,

Doing something to get the attention of someone you like.

But even that definition is a little flawed.

The truth is that none of the definitions I could find for flirting were exactly what I wanted when relating to exes. So, I figured I would just wing this bad boy and create my own definition just for this site.

How does that sound?

Ok, here goes nothing.

Ex Girlfriend Recoveries Definition Of Flirting = Expressing interest in your ex in a way that sets you apart from any other man she has ever encountered. You will use all kinds of methods to achieve this. Seduction, passion, chemistry, wit and humor.

You see, the problem with all those other definitions is the fact that they are too general.

They are the recreational tennis version of flirting if you will.

What I intend on teaching you about today is the pro version of tennis.

Notice how in my definition I talk about how true flirting sets you apart from any other man that your ex girlfriend has ever encountered in her entire life.

Think about that for a moment.

For the rest of her life she won’t find someone who can ignite the passion within her that you can.

She will be lying on her deathbed and be thinking to herself,

“Gah… that one guy was so smooth.”

So, the obvious question that you are wondering at this point is how can you acquire this superpower.

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Well, before we get too far ahead of ourselves lets take a look at the situation you are in.

Flirt With An End Goal In Mind

bill gates flirt

I am not teaching you to flirt just for the sake of flirting.

Do you understand?

You have to have an end goal in mind.

For many of you reading this your end goal will revolve completely around getting your ex girlfriend back. However, that’s not what I plan on talking about today.

Now, I know what you are thinking.


Just hold your horses before you start lashing out at me.

While this article can help you with getting your ex girlfriend back it’s not the end goal of flirting.

The end goal of flirting is actually quite simple.

To build attraction.

Think of it like this.

Lets pretend that I pull out a 1 – 10 scale.

1 - 10 scale

Now, there is nothing too out of the ordinary about this scale originally but lets pretend that I label each end of the scale with “unattracted” and “attracted.”

1 - 10 scale

Do you see where I am going with this yet?

Initially after a breakup your ex girlfriend isn’t going to be as attracted to you as she was when you were in the honeymoon period of your relationship.

In other words, after a breakup she is going to be unattracted to you.

1 - 10 scale

Since she is so unattracted to you, you know that you need to do something fast to turn the tables in your favor if you are going to even have a chance of getting her back.

That’s when you stumble across Ex Girlfriend Recovery and you learn about the proper way to flirt with her.

So, you start sprinkling in some flirtation and all of a sudden the scale slowly starts moving up.

1 - 10 scale

Then you sprinkle some more in and the line moves up again.

1 - 10 scale

And some more…

1 - 10 scale

Eventually you have sprinkled in so much flirtation that you find that your exes overall attraction towards you has risen to a point where she is agreeable to going out with you, kissing you and potentially even taking you back.

1 - 10 scale

This is the purpose of this page.

It’s not to actually get her back (that comes later) but to build up so much attraction with her through flirtation that she is starting to feel the chemistry between the two of you again.

To take her from point A (where she is unattracted to you) to point B (where she is attracted to you.)

But how?

How do you do this?

Well, before I can teach you that I have to teach you about the three types of flirtation categories with an ex girlfriend.

The Three Flirtation Categories

three plans

When it comes to flirtation there are really three categories that everything can fall into.

What are these three categories?

They are quite simple really.

  • Text Message Flirtation
  • Phone Call Flirtation
  • In Person Flirtation

All types of mediums of flirtation fall into these three categories.

For example,

Text Message Flirtation

  • Text messages on the phone
  • Text messages through apps
  • Messages through IM
  • Messages through social media

Phone Call Flirtation

  • Phone calls
  • Skype calls
  • FaceTime calls

In Person Flirtation

  • Any type of “in person” interaction

So, if you are a little confused as to how this all works let me give you a quick crash course. If you were to be texting and flirting with your ex girlfriend then that means that you would be flirting under the text message category.

If you were flirting on the phone then you would be flirting under the phone call category.

In person… falls into the in person category.

Get it?

Pretty simple, right?

Well, here is where things get a little more complicated.

The Categories Need To Be “Flirted” In Order

What if I told you that in order to raise your chances of getting your ex back you need to flirt the categories in order.

Would that confuse you?

Do you have any idea what I mean by “flirt in order?”

Well, in order to explain this I am going to have to use McDonalds as an example.

McDonalds is famous for making sales in a certain way.

It might shock you to hear this but McDonalds makes almost no money at all on their hamburgers. Seriously, any time they make a sale on a hamburger they end up just making a few cents. They end up making most of their money on the upsells. The extra large fries and the coke.

The flirtation categories work in the same way.

You are going to be moving your ex girlfriend up the value chain.

You aren’t going to have your ex girlfriend super attracted at first but by the end, after you moved her through the value chain, you are going to make her attracted to you.

Take a look at the graphic below.

3 ways

Ok, there is a lot going on here so I am going to take a moment to explain exactly what this graphic is all about.

You will notice that our three flirtation categories are found on this graphic.

You will also notice that there are arrows that are found within the graphic pointing from one flirtation category to the next.

Oh, and I should also mention that each of the flirtation categories have a number above them.

  1. Texting
  2. Phone Call
  3. In Person

The numbers above the flirtation categories are meant to represent the order in which the category should be performed.

The arrows also show this for some of our number challenged readers.

So, according to this graphic.

You start by texting —-> You move to phone calls —> You move to in person tactics

It’s a pretty simple graphic to grasp but there are still a few unanswered questions that you probably have, huh?

Probably the first one that comes to mind is,

“What dictates moving from one category to the next?”

Well, in order to move from one category to the next you have to build enough attraction in the current category you are working on.

For example, if you are currently building attraction in the texting category enough attraction has to be built in that category before you can successfully move on to the next category. Get it?


Ok, lets go back to our McDonalds example for a bit.

If you remember above I stated that McDonalds doesn’t really make much money on their hamburgers. They make most of their profit on the upsells of the coke and fries.

So, we have three things here.

  1. The Burger
  2. The Coke
  3. The Fries

Hey, that’s kind of cool. We also have three flirtation categories what if we used a McDonalds analogy.

  1. The Burger = Texting
  2. The Coke = Phone Calls
  3. The Fries = In Person

So, if you are at McDonalds selling a burger you know you aren’t going to make that much money on it but you do know that you have to sell that burger to even offer the upsells (where you are going to make most of your money.)

In flirting you aren’t really going to maximize your chances of attraction through text messaging but you have to do the text messaging in order to get to the next step of the process.

Once you have sold a burger through McDonalds then you can offer the coke and the fries to the customer and make your big bucks.

Well, in relationships when you successfully build as much attraction as you can through flirting in text messages then you can advance to a phone call, build attraction there and then ultimately the date where a lot of stuff can get accomplished including winning your ex back.

So, going through this process in order is essential.

How essential you ask?

Let me put it this way. Most of the successful relationships I have repaired have flirted the categories in order. Most of the unsuccessful relationships I have failed to repair have not flirted the categories in order.

Ok, so now that we know what are three categories are and the order in which they should be flirted in lets talk about some category specific flirtation methods.

Flirting Methods For Text Messages


Flirting through text messaging with an ex is not as complicated as it may seem.

In this section I am going to be giving you my three best methods for “text message flirting.”

Now, the thing you have to remember is that we aren’t trying to go for the gold just yet.

What do I mean by that?

Simple, we are not trying to flirt our way to a reunion just yet. Like with anything, the art of flirting requires you to be very patient and start off slow. I mean, if you start flirting 0 to 60 right off the bat there could be some issues.

Instead, we are going to take a slower approach.

0 to 5

5 to 10

10 to 15

And so on and so forth.


Now that I think about it I just though of a great way to explain this.

Take a look at the graphic below.


I am sure you took notice to the 0 to 5, 5 to 10, etc, writing under each of the three categories of flirtation.

Lets pretend that these number values represent the MPH you should be going at.

Notice that under the texting section you aren’t going anywhere near the 60MPH mark.

This perfectly describes the move up the ladder we are trying to achieve.

Anyways, above I mentioned that in the texting section I am going to be giving you my three best flirtation techniques for texting. Well, the reason I went through this super long explanation about the MPH is to explain why these flirtation techniques aren’t too sexual.

Remember, we have to move up the ladder for that.

Ok, without further ado here is the first technique.

Texting Technique #1- The Ridiculous Opinion Text

Hey, I need to get your opinion on something.

Yes I am talking to YOU. The guy reading this.

So, I have been thinking of quitting this site and trying to fulfill my dream since I was a kid.

What’s my dream you ask?

I want to become a professional ballerina!


Ok, not really.

But I bet it made you laugh and that’s the beauty of it.

So, the way this works is that you text your ex girlfriend out of the blue and ask for her opinion on something.

You start off with a very serious text message and then you try to get her opinion on something ridiculous and clearly fake like quitting your job to become a ballerina.

Here is an example of the way this would look in a text message.

ballerina bob

The idea here is to appear humorous.

Women like a man who is funny and since the two of you have recently broken up you could both use some time to lighten up and this is the perfect way to do that. Oh, and if you really wanted my opinion on what to do to make that text message even funnier.

If I was in your shoes and was planning on sending the ballerina text message above I would send a picture of a funny guy in a ballerina outfit to follow the text about becoming a professional ballerina.

It just adds more humor to the situation and makes your ex realizes you are just lightening the mood.

Texting Technique #2- Re-Framing

Ok, lets pretend that you are texting your ex one day and the conversation is going at a pretty good clip and then the two of you start talking about your favorite show, Game of Thrones.

jon snow

During your talk about Game of Thrones the two of you have a friendly disagreement.

Actually the truth is that your ex is some sort of expert in Game of Thrones and you made a statement that was false and she was disagreeing with you/ trying to make you realize you were wrong.

Well, what you can do is use this little disagreement to your advantage.

Take a look at the text below,


Do you see what happened here?

When your ex disagreed with you, you turned it to your advantage by using some wit but also alluding to a future where the two of you can potentially reunite.

Why is this so clever?

Simple, because while you are alluding to that future together with your ex it can also be looked at as if you are joking.

It’s like a slow way of feeling her out and figuring out what she would think about a potential reunion without actually coming out and saying,

“Hey, what would you think if the two of us were to get back together?”

Texting Technique #3- Turning It Around On Her

Lets pretend that you and your ex are in the same college class and it’s Friday night and your ex forgot what the homework for the class was for the weekend.

So, what does she do?

She decides to ask you.


You get this text from your ex.

homework text

At this point you have two options.

You can be serious and tell her what it is or you can use some funny flirting to your advantage.

I’ll take funny flirting please!

flirting text

I like this text for a few reasons.

Firstly your ex is super serious when she asks you about the homework and you totally take that seriousness and use it to your advantage. I also like the fact that it kind of puts you in a position of power in that your ex is going to have to come up with a witty response to say back.

In other words, the opportunity for her to flirt back is there.

Flirting Methods For Phone Calls

phone call

Ah, so we have finally made it to the phone call section.

If you recall, the phone call section is category number two of flirtation.

Only after you have built enough attraction in category number one can you move on to this category.

So, just to set the stage for you a bit here. The phone call section I am about to talk about consists of things like talking on the phone, FaceTime and Skype.

Of course, generally speaking most of the time a phone call is going to consist of a… well, a phone call. So, that is where I am going to spend most of my time.

The idea on phone calls is that you are allowed to ratchet up the flirtation just a little bit.

I like to think of it like a knob with three settings.


  1. Low
  2. Medium
  3. High

Care to take a guess at what setting we are at right now with category two?

The medium setting of course.

In other words, we are going to really build attraction on the phone as much as possible without actually going as far as having phone sex or something crazy like that.

But before I start giving you specific steps to follow on the phone I want to make one thing clear.

The Purpose Of The Phone Call Flirtation

You are here to get your ex girlfriend back.

It’s as simple as that.

I can talk about flirtation all day long but the truth is that you want your ex back and you probably aren’t going to be able to accomplish that goal through text messages or phone calls. Really where most of the work can be done is in person.

Where you can see how she reacts to the things you say.

Where you can touch her…

Hold her…

Love her…

You get the picture.

Of course, as I have explained numerous times throughout this article you can’t just show up and force an in-person interaction with your ex. You have to earn it and texting and talking on the phone are your best bet to do that.

But this begs an interesting question.

If an in-person interaction is the be all end all what is the purpose of talking on the phone with an ex girlfriend?

Good question.

The purpose of talking on the phone with your ex is to build enough attraction over the phone to force an in-person interaction.

If you do this right you can literally have your ex girlfriend BEGGING to see you in person.

Don’t believe me?

Well, allow me to tell you a little story.

Every day I get hundreds of emails from men asking for my advice on how to get their exes back and every once in a while I get a few success stories sprinkled within those emails.

Yesterday I got a pretty awesome success story from a guy named Michael.

I took the liberty of taking a screenshot of the story for you,

Screen Shot 2015-07-08 at 8.53.44 PM

Basically Michael was able to perfectly flirt with his ex in the texting stage (category one) that she was begging to move on to the next stage in phone calls (category two.)

The same principle applies to what we are trying to do here with the phone calls.

We are trying to make your ex BEG to see you in person.

Lets talk a little about that now.

ABI… What Is It?

There is an acronym that I want you to get really familiar with when you are talking to your ex over the phone.

What’s the acronym?

ABI- Always Be Interesting


How can I explain this in a way that will make you understand?

Oh, I know!

Ok, this is going to sound super weird but just roll with it because I promise there is a point to this.

I am a big fan of Batman.

Yes, Bruce Wayne…

I am a big fan of his story.

How his parents got killed in front of him as a child. How he used that horrifying experience as motivation for cleaning up Gotham. How he used his own fear of bats to strike fear in the hearts of criminals.

While I must admit Batman has an interesting back story would you like to know what I think makes him the most interesting comic book superhero today?

It’s the villains that he has to face.


Two Face…

The Riddler…

Mr. Freeze….


These villains are arguably the most memorable out there and they all belong to Batman’s story.

But even out of all of those villains there is one that stands out.

The one I didn’t mention.

The one that you were probably expecting me to say first but I didn’t.

The Joker…

What an interesting character.

He’s a psychotic clown killer that has absolutely no rules.

He just likes chaos.

He just likes trying to make Batman break his rule of “not killing anybody.”

You have to admit that any time you watched a batman movie you were just captivated when he had a scene.

Immediately the movie that is coming to mind is The Dark Knight.

Heath Ledger portrayed The Joker and literally won an academy award because of it.

His performance was so interesting that at one point of the movie I was thinking,

“Get Batman off the screen… I want to see The Joker.”

While he is a weird example to use The Joker is definitely an example of the Always Be Interesting acronym.

Now, am I saying that I want you to turn into the clown prince of crime?


But I want you to become as interesting as him.

Especially on the phone.

I can’t tell you how many times I have coached someone through this site and told them to be interesting and they sit on the phone with their ex girlfriend in silence.

That’s not cool. There is nothing interesting about awkward silences.

Besides you aren’t going to be able to successfully flirt with your girlfriend if you don’t have anything interesting to say.

So, I am going to teach you a little technique that should be able to tap into your inner joker and interest the hell out of your ex girlfriend.

Sound good?

The Phone Call Story Board

If there is one universal truth about human beings it’s that we all love stories.

In fact, the entire movie and television industry is based on stories.

Well, when you are talking on the phone with your ex girlfriend an excellent way to flirt with her and build attraction is to become a master story teller. So, I am going to teach you how to do that right now.

Do you know what a story board is?

It’s basically an outline that every serious writer/movie will use to get a big picture view of the story that they are crafting.


Maybe it’s best if I show you this as opposed to talking about it.

Below is a story board for a scene in the famous movie, Finding Nemo,

story board finding nemo

Do you see how it crafts a big picture view of the entire movie from action to action?

Well, I would like YOU to create your own story board for when you are on the phone with your ex girlfriend.

Remember, the idea here is to ABI (always be interesting.)

Of course, there is one rule to this story board technique.

The story you tell has to in some way positively allude to a future that you and your ex can have together.

I’ll give you an example.

A Story Board Example For A Phone Call

Lets pretend that I were to jump in a time machine and go back in time to where I was flirting with my wife when we weren’t dating on the phone and I wanted to employ the story board technique.

Of course, in order to successfully do this I would have to abide by my own rule of alluding to a future where I am together with her.

I took the liberty of downloading a story board template to do this in,

storyboard template

Now, I know I want the story I craft to be interesting, exciting and passionate while at the same time alluding to a future together with Jennifer (my wife.)

So, how would I go about filling in this template to accomplish those things?

Well, I am a bit of a creative guy so what I am going to do is fill in the boxes with certain things that I want the story to have.

I am going to do that now.

storyboard template

You will notice that I want my story to encompass 9 things.

  1. Excitement
  2. Happiness
  3. Hot Air Balloons
  4. Perfect Weather
  5. Proposal
  6. Villain Boyfriend
  7. Rescue From The Villain Boyfriend
  8. Running Away Together
  9. Going Through Hell To Get The Girl

So, lets see if we can tie this story together.

You are not going to believe the story I just read on Facebook today. It was super exciting(1). So, there was this old married couple that was telling the story of how they met and it was absolutely incredible. Apparently the woman had a boyfriend who was a bit of a villain(6). The bad boyfriend had planned on proposing (5) to the woman on a hot air balloon ride (3) but ended up getting into a fight with her and it just so happened that the hot air balloon pilot was the man that she would eventually marry (obviously a younger version.) So, the hot air balloon pilot decided that he was going to rescue (7) the girl from this horrible boyfriend by giving him a scare in the air and pretending that they were going to crash (the woman was in on it.) Anyways, after they landed the bad boyfriend broke up with the girl but she got the last laugh because the hot air balloon pilot asked her out but she wasn’t going to be so easy. The pilot had to go through hell (9) to get her. All in all they ended up together and were really happy (2) and ran away (8) to Paris to get married on a perfect summer day (4.) Wouldn’t it be cool if we had a story like that one day?

Notice how at the very end of the story I included this phrase,

Wouldn’t it be cool if we had a story like that one day?

This is where I allude to a future together.

You want me to give you more tactics after this huh.

Well, you can find more phone call flirting tactics in my book, Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO.

Flirting Methods In Person


Here we are…

Finally we have hit the category you have been dying to hear about.

Just a quick disclaimer again.

The only way to advance to this category is to first build enough attraction in the “texting” and “phone call” categories.

Flirting in person is where you are allowed ratchet up the tension to the “high” knob.

Notice that so far the flirting that we have done so far has been kind of light.

  • Flirting Through Text: PG
  • Flirting Though The Phone: PG:13

Well, with in person flirting we are about to go rated R if you catch my drift.

In other words, you are allowed to be a lot more physical with your flirting and you will be able to ignite the fire in your exes… “heart.”

Lets stop with the fluff and get right down to business.

The Importance Of Eye Contact

Eye contact is more intimate than words can ever be.

I don’t know who said this but I will tell you that there is definitely truth to that statement.

Have you ever held eye contact with someone who you like for more than six seconds?

It feels electric, right?

I mean, most of us guys end up looking a beautiful woman in the eye and looking away immediately. It’s almost like the more beautiful the woman the harder it is to look her in the eye.

This can pose a bit of a problem with your ex because you obviously want her back and you obviously think she is very beautiful.

Let me tell you that when you do see your ex in person the biggest non-verbal thing you can do to make her feel the connection is to always make and hold eye contact with her. Seriously, if you are able to pull this off you will be amazed at how responsive she is to you.

Anyways, eye contact will only get you so far.

Lets get physical.

The Idea Of “Kino”

I teach men and women to get back with their exes for a living.

Thus, it is in my job description to stay well read on everything relevant to the ex recovery process. Very recently I came across an idea. It was a pretty brilliant idea. The only problem is where I found the idea.

Guess where?

The Pickup Artist community…

While I know it is appealing to some men to become some sort of god with women I think the idea behind PUA is a little pathetic.

BUT at the end of the day their stuff does work.

Anyways, let me tell you about this concept that I came across that I thought would be perfect for you guys.

It’s the idea of ‘kino.”

What Is Kino?

Kino– The Art Of Touching A Woman

The idea behind kino is to slowly but surely use kino to build attraction through touching.

Lets pretend I create a scale of touch.

line scale

On one side of the scale you have light touching and on the other side you have hard touching.

Well, “kino” is the art of going from here,

line scale

To here,

line scale

So, you have two sides of the scale.

Light and hard.

But there is also a middle part of the scale.

Lets call this part “moderate,”

line scale

So, if light touching consists of things like,

  • Handshakes
  • Fistbumps
  • Shoulder touches
  • Elbow touches
  • High fives

And if hard touching consists of things like,

  • Kissing
  • Foreplay
  • Sex
  • Etc

Then moderate touching is going to consist of things like,

  • Touching of the waist
  • Thigh
  • Face
  • Lower back

So, the idea of kino works very similarly to the idea of “flirting the categories.”

Above I talked about how it’s important that you don’t overextend yourself into the next category before you have first built enough flirtation attraction in the one you are currently in. Well, kino works very similarly.

I want you to basically move from here,

line scale

To here,

line scale

To here,

line scale

Now, I know what you are thinking.


While I am usually very happy to oblige I think I am going to end here leaving you wanting more.

If you want the full details on how kino works then I recommend you check out Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO by clicking on the link below.

See you later!	

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