By Chris Seiter

Updated on November 17th, 2022

Being dumped by your girlfriend is rarely something you fully expect.  Sure, there may have been signs that things were sliding the wrong way.  She may have hinted that things were getting off track, but when you get the word from your girlfriend that she wants out, it’s always shocking.

So what can you do about it?  How do you go about piecing things back together with your ex girlfriend after she has dumped you?

For one, it is certainly not something you want to rush into.  The natural reaction is for you to want to desperately make amends for whatever you may have done wrong.  You may find yourself prone to begging and pleading with your ex girlfriend to give you another chance.

You might find yourself trying to explain over and over again why this time, things will be different.  But more often than not, those approaches will fall flat.  If your ex girlfriend has decided to initiate the breakup and if she did the dumping, its not likely she is going to be immediately convinced to change her mind.

Something got the two of you where you are at now.  Whether she freaked out and dumped you or if this has been a breakup which has been a long time in coming, you will still need to fashion a sensible plan to get back into your ex girlfriend’s good graces.

10 Steps To Getting Her Back After Being Dumped By Your Ex Girlfriend

So if your ex has let you go and you are beside yourself about what to do next, I have news for you.  You need not do this alone. There are strategies you can employ that can help you turn the corner and start making some headway with your ex girlfriend, even after she thought you were not the guy for her.

Here are 10 Steps you should to take into account as you embark on your ex back recovery plan.

Step 1. Take It Slow – Don’t Be In a Hurry To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back

Just slow everything down. 

Your first reaction might be to try to reason with her and if that doesn’t work (which it seldom does since a breakup is such an emotional moment) you may find yourself begging and sweet talking her to reconsider.  Without knowing what you are doing, this kind of effort could come off as desperate to your ex, making her further convinced that dumping you was the right call.

So with all the grace and class you can muster, pull back from the whole breakup scene so that you can begin to get square with your emotions because you are going to be a mess for awhile.

Step 2. Stop Inflicting Damage – It Just Causes Your Ex Girlfriend To Have Even Less Interest In Ever Coming Back To You

One of the things that I see happen far too often after breakups is turmoil stirred up due to the anger and resentment.  IF  you get dumped by your ex girlfriend, I know it hurts.  I know you will be angry.  I know some part of you may eventually want revenge or payback.  

But it would be best to guard against those negative feelings because if you succumb to them and strike back at your ex girlfriend, you are going to feel a lot worse than being dumped.  You will end up with regrets for how you behaved and will have set back your chances of ever winning her back.

Step 3. It’s Important To Pull Yourself Together Before Launching Your Ex Recovery Program

So as I alluded to earlier, after be dumped, you are going to be a mess.  So you are going to need sometime to devote yourself to some healing and recovery activities.  You will be in no state of mind to execute as sensible ex girlfriend recovery plan if you are bouncing from one emotion to the next.

My Program is partly based on you finding yourself and doing those things to make you an even better version of yourself.  And trust me, your ex girlfriend will notice these changes.  Even though she thought it necessary to dump you, a part of her will still be invested in you.  So there are multiple reasons why getting your act together can help you in the long run.

Step 4. Gauge What You Are Facing

chess match with ex gf

So before you hit the road running in trying to get your girl back, take a step back and survey the landscape. Think of yourself as being in a chess match. You don’t want to make any hasty moves with your ex girlfriend.  So you need to first to understand what went down in her head if that is possible.

Is this one of these situations in which your ex girlfriend simply just freaked or panicked, thereby causing her to drop you like a potato. Are you seeing some signs from her indicating that she realizes she overreacted?

Or is this a kind of dumping in which the breakup has been long in coming and you and her have been fighting far too much? 

Is it the kind parting in which you slowly just drifted away from each other, neither of you really knowing or realizing what was happening until finally she said she needs a break as she was unsure about her feelings for you.

Or could it have been the type of breakup in which you ex girlfriend cheated on you or caught you cheating and the end result is you got dumped.

Whatever went down, you need to fashion an action plan to address the problem.

Step 5. Select a Sensible “Get Her Back” Plan

So as I discussed above, you want an ex girlfriend recovery plan that fits the situation.  In some cases just doing nothing is the right thing to do.  Her ending the relationship may have come from an emotional place.  She may have been trying to jar you and get your attention.  So it may be necessary to give her a little space until she calms down, then open up the line of communication with an ear to being a good listener.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

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Then again, the whole breakup could have been really messy and she wants nothing to do with you, swearing off any possibility of reconciliation forever.

Usually in these kinds of breakup, there are things between you and your ex that are broken and fixing it will take time, but only after you spend time apart.  This is where it is usually best to employ a full fledged form of No Contact.

Sometimes there are these cases in which she wants to break up but does not want you to walk out of her life.  Maybe she just wants to pull back or would like the two of you to be friends. 

Or possibly, she wants to slow things down as she may feel it’s moving too fast.  The action you may want to undertake could be an approach  I call the “Being There” method in which you respect her space, while at the same time slowly over time reinforce your value through spending quality moments and experiences with her.

There are even some ex recovery plans in which the best thing to do is fully detach from each other and moving on without completely moving on.

With each of these ex recovery plans, it helps to have a Program Guide to follow or a Coaching  Program that can help you through all the strategic decision making and the nuanced tactics you may wish to employ. 

Step 6. Execute Your Ex Back Plan Flawlessly, But Adapt As Needed

So once you have selected your plan of attack, it is best to implement if fully and flawlessly.  That means you need to understand what you are doing.  It’s best that you have a blueprint of some kind to follow.  Of course, I can help you with that as I have many excellent Resources available to you.  

But it not good enough to have a great plan.  You need to know that there will be times in which you will need to adapt it to fit your particular situation.  For example, let’s say you decided to implement a 30 No Contact Period with your ex girlfriend after she got rid of you unceremoniously in a fit of anger. But after 20 days, she has has learned that she acted too fast and starts making positive efforts to contact you by phone, by texts, writing you nice letters.  

Should you stay “true” to your ex recovery plan or should you modify your approach and end the No Contact Period?  I have written a whole book on the topic of making exceptions to the No Contact Rule, and yes, sometimes it does pay to adapt and break your vow to do 30 days of No Contact. 

There are actually six factors you should take into account before you act.  But my point is that sometimes you need to adapt and modify your line of strategy.

Step 7. Make It Count When You First Reach Out

get her back in life

There will come a time in just about every ex recovery plan when you will want to communicate or reach out to your ex girlfriend.  There may be some trepidation if she dumped you and yet you find yourself being the person who is initiating contact.

If you have implemented your plan well and assuming you ex gf has not made any effort to reconcile, my Program still calls for you to try and get the communications underway.  There is a certain method in which a broken couple can try and reconnect again if certain groundwork has been laid down.

It is an important pivot point for any relationship so doing this right is key.  I wrote an eBook called, “The Texting Bible” that deals with a lot of this and also get into this topic in great detail in my 485 page eBook, “Ex Girlfriend Recovery Pro”.  

So there are resources out there for you to help you through this ex gf back mine field.

Step 8. Don’t Over Play Your Hand – Your Ex Girlfriend Will Know Better

One of the worse things you can do is try to do too much, too soon. 

You might come to the conclusion that you are making some headway with your ex girlfriend.  She may be flashing certain signs or hints that she is open to potentially engaging with you, possibly even seeing you again.

But it is often a mistake to move too fast.  Think in terms of taking little strategic steps – little moves.  You have to expect that there may be occasions in which your ex girlfriend’s emotions and feelings will shift around.  She may still be trying to get settled. IF you come on too strong, you may scare her off.  

Nor do you want to be portrayed as the one doing all the chasing.  She might not run towards you, but away from you.  Think of it as patiently dropping little breadcrumbs to lead her to you, all the while allowing her time to get use to the notion that the two of you can potentially work things out.

Step 9. Lead With Kindness and Avoid Conflict

As you are making progress with your communications, encounters and meet-ups, bear in mind that you should have a certain mantra of how she perceives you that follows you around.  This “new” you should be one who is filled with kind acts and thoughtfulness.

The last thing you want to happen is more conflict.  That is what got you into this mess to begin with most likely.  So diffuse it if it bubbles up.  Talk about having a no fight zone in your relationship so you both have a chance to make this work.  

But the best way to have this environment in which you both are getting along is for you to “lead” with kindness.  Many studies have been done and being kind and thoughtful to your girlfriend is the number one factor in keeping the relationship together.

Step 10. Put a Punctuation Mark On It

So if you have come this far and you and your ex girlfriend are giving it another try, then do something together that can help cement this new and hopefully lasting bond. 

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It could be something you do symbolically like together putting a lock on a bridge way to symbolize your newfound connection.  

It could be putting a personal message in a bottle you both have written and signed and casting it out into a lake or ocean as yet as another way to show to yourselves this relationship can be special.

By doing something that you can be experience together and that gets embedded in your memories is another positive way of mending the relationship and building trust.	

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