By Chris Seiter

Updated on July 9th, 2022

When a breakup happens you will naturally feel inclined to do something fast.  You will want to quickly pick up the pieces and go right to work in getting things on track.

But it is often when we act out of impulse that we make most of our mistakes.

The better course of action is to take things slow.  This particularly rings true if your ex girlfriend is insisting she doesn’t want to be rushed and does not feel ready to try things again.

Trying to rush and push your ex girlfriend to do something she is against or is not ready for is a surefire way to blow things up even more.

Getting back with your ex in a deliberate but effective way, is the right path you want to take.  So if you feel compelled to act or react suddenly without thought, it will only bring more chaos into your life.

You see, there are stages to getting back with an ex girlfriend who is gun shy.

Now I know it may feel like it’s taking forever to mend the fence with your ex and you will likely feel overwhelmed, yet eager to make some progress.

But good things usually come to people when they exercise reason and patience and a solid Ex Recovery Action Plan such as you can read about here.

5 Reasons Why Your Ex Girlfriend Wants To Take Things Slow

not rushing

So let explore the reasons why your ex girlfriend is interested in not rushing back into your arms.

Reason 1: Your Ex is Still Searching For Her Feelings

If she tells you she wants to slow things down” or “take a break” or  “take things slower”, then you can conclude that she is probably not ready to talk about the relationship.  She may feel overwhelmed and just needs time to process things.

Reason 2: Your Ex Girlfriend is Confused and Is Not Ready To Re-engage

Another reason why your ex may tell you things are moving too fast for her is because she is thoroughly confused about what she wants.  She may not be ready to say, “No, I don’t want you in my life”, but it’s too soon for her to forget all of the problems the two you experienced.  So give her some space even though every fiber of your being will likely be telling you otherwise.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

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Reason 3: She Is Afraid of Making a Mistake

Your ex girlfriend could be afraid of a repeat break up.  In her mind, that prospect of the relationship blowing up again is too frightening and risky.  So to protect herself from the trauma and disappointment of yet another breakup, she will put on the breaks and tell you she needs time.

Reason 4: This Is Your Ex Girlfriend’s Way of Saying She Doesn’t Want You Back

Sometimes your ex won’t tell you the truth.  She may not be straight up with you.  Her heart may no longer be in the relationship but she does not want to come out and say it.  At least not yet.

Of course breakups almost always lead to a confused set of emotional reactions.  So don’t be surprised if your ex girlfriend wants to avoid you because she really wants to end things, only to later change her mind. I know.  It’s a mine field out there!

Reason 5: Your Ex is Playing Games With You

Sometimes your ex girlfriend knows exactly what she wants.

It’s possible you are still in the game, but she wants you to work for it.  She may be asking for space and telling you she wants to go it slow as a way of playing hard to get.  She figures that the more she pushes you away, the more you will want her.  This is partially true, but this kind of tactic can end up creating even more hardship for both of you.

If your ex girlfriend takes this approach, avoid trying to “play” her.  That takes you down a slippery road.

What Should You Do If Your Ex Girlfriend Tells You She Wants To Take Things Slow and Is Not Ready To Get Back Together?

giving her room to roam

So if your ex puts the breaks on the relationship, telling you she is not ready yet to resume what you once had, then your best response is to agree and go along with what she is proposing.

In some cases, your ex girlfriend may be surprised by your reaction. But that is OK, because if she is not ready to work through things in a constructive way, then the wisest course of action is give each other some space and time.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

Take the quiz

In fact, depending on your situation and the seriousness of the break up, you may want to employ a brief no contact period.

So here is a 7 step plan you can implement if your ex girlfriend is not ready to resume the relationship with you again.

  1. Step One:  Make sure you don’t create more complications.  Don’t block your ex girlfriend or change your relationship status.  Don’t show that you are upset with your ex girlfriend and send her an angry or sarcastic text. If she is already on the precipice of not knowing what is best, you sure don’t want to give her cause to get angry and upset for something you did outright or indirectly.
  2. Step Two: If your ex girlfriend is adamant about taking some personal time for herself to work through her feelings, then express to her that you understand and will support her and will give her all of the privacy she needs.  Try to keep the discussion positive and avoid belaboring the points.  Less is more in these situations.  She probably does not want to hear a confusing rehash of what has happened.  Don’t try to over advise her.
  3. Step Three: In some cases it may be best to advise her that you too need to take some time to work through this difficult period.  You don’t need to give her a specific time.  But it may be appropriate to observe a No Contact Period of 14 to 21 days.  Possibly even longer.  Every situation is different, so don’t get stuck on a specific number of days.  Just apply some common sense on what would be a good period of time for a break given your specific situation.
  4. Step Four:  During this period of No Contact, do the self help and ex recovery activities I talk about in my eBook, “Ex Girlfriend Recovery Pro”.
  5. Step Five: You should know that while your period of no contact is underway, there may be times in which you may choose to halt it if your ex girlfriend begins to rethink this whole notion of taking things slow.  If she starts showing you signs that she may have over extended herself with this “I need space” line, just know that she would not be the first to suffer from the fickle pickle.  That’s right.  In a way she has created a pickle for herself after pushing you away, asking for more time.  Sometimes your lady, in the midst of her self discovery process, will realize she overreacted and is risking losing you and will have second thoughts.  So be adaptable, but don’t go for the ex girlfriend head fake if she abruptly changes her mind.  Look for a consistent pattern of direct or indirect communication that tells you she is ready to talk and move toward a solution.
  6. Part of this process is building attraction, even when you are not together.  In my eBook, Ex Girlfriend Recovery Pro” I get into all of this and much more.  So don’t waste your time waiting and hoping.  Look for ways to increase your value in her eyes.
  7. Remember, there is no rule you have to get back together.  During this time of separation, you should make time to evaluate if this relationship is truly what you want for the long haul.  Consider the following.  Is this the first time this sort of thing has happened?  Or has the relationship with your ex been dangling on a thread?   Has your ex girlfriend intimated that she may have interests elsewhere?  Is there another guy in the picture?  Use this time to objectively assess if returning to your ex girlfriend is really in your best interests.	

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