By Chris Seiter

Updated on July 9th, 2022

If you have ever lost your ex girlfriend to another guy, it can be like a punch to the gut.  Just thinking about her with the other guy can tear you end to end.

But you know what will happen if you continue to freak out about your ex girlfriend and her new guy, don’t you?  It’s just a lose – lose for you emotionally and your efforts to win her back from this other man she is seeing.

Instead of obsessing over it (e.g. “How do I get my ex girlfriend back from this guy?”) and being angry with her about her decision to fall into the arms of a rebound boyfriend, you are much better off if you suck it up, realizing you can’t control her choices during the breakup period.

Nor should you go nuts trying to understand just how real this relationship with the other man truly is.  This guy could be jealousy bait.  He could be the rebound man your ex girlfriend got mixed up with.  He could be the grass is greener guy your ex girlfriend thinks is the answer to all her dreams.

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Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back When She Is Seeing Someone Else Is A Strategy You Must Learn To Master!

girlfriend with her guy

What you should be doing is thinking in terms of how to get your ex girlfriend back from a new boyfriend.  More specifically, you need to learn what seeds to plant to get your ex girlfriend to want you back.  It won’t happen by itself.  Your ex, irrespective of how angry and resentful she might still be with you, may have not given up on you.

She will be looking for changes and while it may be a difficult to pull off, the idea is you want to be present in her life in all kinds of ways to reinforce you are every bit of that good guy she fell in love with.

You need to plant a lot of seeds, all aimed at re-attracting your ex girlfriend and slowly convincing her that the man she is with now is really not in her league.  That he is not the right guy for her and doesn’t truly understand her like you do.

Remember, there is one important thing that you have on this guy.

You and your ex girlfriend have history together and most of it should be pretty good, otherwise the two of you wouldn’t have formed a relationship and been together in the first place.  So you are going to leverage this history and the good memories.

So now that I have you thinking tactically about how to get your ex girlfriend back when she has moved on with someone else, let’s get down to details!

13 Ways To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back From Her New Boyfriend

So what I am going to do is give you a road map of some things you can do to help slowly chip away at whatever is preventing your ex girlfriend to want to come back to you.  But the way you are going to do it is not by attacking her new boyfriend or telling her how stupid and foolish she is in getting mixed up with such a schmuck.

On the contrary, you are going to be more strategic and use a more contrarian approach.  Think of it as a form of reverse psychology and if it works, she will come to see she misjudged your capacity to change and will come to appreciate you more and her new boyfriend less.

1. Tell Her She Is Special And You Want To See Her Happy

Take an opportunity, when it presents itself, to compliment your ex girlfriend.  Don’t over do it or she will see straight through it.  But during the right time and occasion you could make a nice positive remark about her looks.  You could could tell her how pretty her outfit is.  You could remark about her new hairstyle.

Tell her how happy it makes you to see her happy. Be modest and humble.

2. Be Sure To Keep Up Your Social Media Presence So Your Ex Girlfriend Notices

check up on you

There are many opportunities for you to leave little positive bread crumbs for your ex to come upon in social media.  Whether its Facebook posts and images or Snapchat or Instagram stories, be sure to leave positive reminders about you and what you are up to that will cause her to miss you.

Your ex girlfriend will eventually get around to stalking you on social media and many women are particularly fond of compelling and interesting stories about what you have been doing.  So don’t disappoint here.  You can create a series (with text and images) with little cliff hanging endings about something that happend or is happening in your life.  The idea is to get her to want to keep coming back to check up on you.

3. Utilize Very Subtle Jealousy Plays

Making your ex girlfriend jealous can be a wonderful or awful strategy.  So just know that going in.  But if your ex gf is hanging out with another guy, it could be she is playing the jealousy card on you.  So one way of defeating her strategy is mirror her efforts.  Try a little jealousy ploy of your own.

To do it properly, start slow, with a mild effort. You don’t want to get up in your ex’s face about how you have found the love of you life. Rather, make use of some mildly suggestive pics.  Maybe a little rumor.  You can always ramp it up with full on dating if you feel so inclined.

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4. Never Ask Your Ex Girlfriend About Her New Boyfriend

If you are playing your get your ex back cards right, you won’t speak of her ex boyfriend.  You won’t initiate conversation, no matter how much you are wanting to know.  Now, bear in mind, your ex girlfriend may be dying to tell you, hoping you will ask.  Which in a way is a good sign because if this is the case, she is playing her jealousy card.  But avoid getting drawn in talking about her new boyfriend.  Take the high road. And certainly do not initiate any criticism of her new man.

5. Stir The Pot Behind The Scenes About Her Boyfriend’s Past Dating History

So on one hand, while you won’t be engaging with your ex girlfriend about new boyfriend,  you do want to work behind the scenes to get some information out there that might not reflect on him so well.  Whatever role you play in this, my advice is don’t lead it and whatever information emerges about her new guy, it needs to be founded in truth.

Perhaps this new dude she is dating is really just a player and has a checkered history.  And you know this through your sources. There is nothing stopping you from casually mentioning or inquiring about this to your ex girlfriend’s best friends.  Be aware though that if you are seen as stirring the pot or are too vocal about whatever this guy’s shortcoming are, it could backfire.  So tread carefully

6. Support Your Ex Girlfriend When She Complains About Her New Boyfriend

support her

At some stage your hope is your ex girlfriend will come to you for support or advice or both about your new guy.  Perhaps she is not happy with him and levels some complaints in your presence.  You role in all this is to be a great listener and empathetic and supportive of her view.  But don’t take the bait of heaping criticism on her new boyfriend or she secretly will take the contrarian view given she knows you may be biased.  However she feels about her new man at any time, you can win still win her appreciation and respect if you show kindness.

I should mention that sometimes when you ex girlfriend comes to you with complains about the guy she is dating, she is really testing you and trying to figure out what you really think about it all.  So you can be coy and give her something she will want to hear like, “Well, if I was again your boyfriend, I would give you a big hug and tell you I am sorry as l have since learned I should have been kinder to you”.

7. Occasionally Show Up In Places Where She and Her New Boyfriend Are At

Sometimes you can get traction with your ex girlfriend if you simply show up in places where she and her boyfriend are at.  Maybe it’s at a movie  theater where you run into her.  It would help to have a casual date with you, but don’t overplay your hand if she is the real jealous type. Your aim is to play on her jealousy, but just play the mild card.  Don’t be affectionate with your date because you can be sure your ex girlfriend will be studying every move you make, where your hands go, how often you make eye contact, if you kiss or hug.

8. Text Your Ex Girlfriend For Advice On How To End Things With a Casual Dating Partner

So the reason why you played the mild jealousy card with your ex girlfriend when the two of you bumped into each other is because of what you are about to do next.  You are now going to play the “you are my close confidant”.  It is likely you ex girlfriend is dying to know more about what is really going on with you and this new girl you were with.  So don’t disappoint here.  Pull her even closer into your world by asking for her advice.  Tell her you felt lonely and just wanted some company, but realize you are not ready for that, but that you don’t want to hurt your date’s feelings.  Ask her how do you handle any text messages you might get from her about a repeat date.

You just want to draw your ex girlfriend more into your personal life and get her thinking about you and how nice you have become to everybody in your space.

9.  Offer Your Ex Girlfriend Assistance With Home Repairs or Car Issues or Whatever She Needs Help With

To create other positive deposits in your ex girlfriend’s trust bank you should let her know that if she needs any help with any home or apartment maintenance matters like watering the plants if she is gone for a few days or helping with a repair matter or moving something really heavy, that you owe it to her to help her out.  She may never take you up on it, but she will appreciate the gesture and know that you still care for her, though are willing to stay out of her life (for now).

10. Spontaneously Tell Your Ex Girlfriend How You Value Her and Are Sorry You Took Her For Granted

let her know you value her

There will come a time where you have rebuilt enough trust where you can tell her a simple truth.  Tell her first that you have no expectation of anything changing, but felt it should be said.  Explain to your ex girlfriend that with the passage of time you realize now how  valuable and special she is. Admit to taking her for granted.  Then say nothing else after that. Don’t try to further explain yourself. Just put it out there, then move the topic to something else.  If she asks for clarification, act sheepish and repeat you learned a valuable lesson.  But under no circumstance should you overreach.

But you can rest assured that these are the type of words she wants and needs to hear from you and the feelings the gets when she thinks later about what you said will leave a positive impression. It will stick with her.

11. Compliment Your Ex Girlfriend About Something Only The Two Of You Know About

While not overdoing it, find opportunities on occasion, to compliment your ex girlfriend about something few people know about.  The more you underplay it, the better.  Just say something matter of factually, without trying to overstate it. Let her take it in.

Don’t over do it.  It could be something you know, but  her new boyfriend has not noticed or has failed to appreciate.

12. Practice Random Acts of Kindness with Your Ex Girlfriend

I bet your ex girlfriend is like most of the ladies.  They like their gifts, particularly if it is a surprise and shows that you were thinking about her in some special way.  It need not be lavish, but something that is “personalized”.  That is what counts.  Maybe there is a band she loves that’s coming to town.  So give her two tickets to the show and tell her you couldn’t resist doing a little something for her.  Down play it.  Tell her to enjoy the outing. Don’t make any mention as to who she should take. Extending randoms acts or gestures of kindness, showing your heart is in the right place, can pay dividends, particular when her new boyfriend does something stupid or hurtful.  And that is is what you want.   You your ex girlfriend to make a  side by side comparison where you look like the classy guy and her new beau looks like a chump.

13. Start A Story Series That Draws Her Attention

If you are not doing this then you should start.  If you are active in any of the social media platforms, then take the time to tell an interesting story involving something you experienced. It could be an adventure you have taken or one that you are involved in now.  Extend the story series so it lasts about a week.  Build in some natural cliffhangers to get her coming back to check on the next installment.  The idea is you have something interesting you want to share. Make her feel part of it by making some subtle references only she will understand. It can’t be obvious that this story is for her, but you want her to track along with it mesmerized to hear more.

Build in some drama and make it play out such that it has some humor and even perhaps a great life lesson.  The main thing is to get her watching what you are up to and connecting.  You can even create some buzz about your tale by getting some friends to comment on it such that your ex girlfriend hears about it, then starts following it.  There multiple ways you can pull her into your little drama.	

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