What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExGirlfriend Back?

Why Does My Ex Girlfriend Blame Me For Everything?

It’s always my fault according to my ex girlfriend,”

Was the very first thing he told me as we discussed his eroding situation with his ex girlfriend.

It seems that no matter what he did, it was wrong.

This was the story I was getting from a client who was reaching the end of his limit.

I could see anger was welling up in him and I knew that was not a good thing for a guy trying to recover his ex girlfriend.

The blame game” is something I see a lot between couples as they seemingly compete to outdo each other on who is to blame for whatever.

When things are not working out, it is easier to blame another because the alternative is to blame yourself.

As I spoke to my client about his unraveling situation with his ex girlfriend, it seemed that the “blame game” was in high gear.  And he was the one with the short end of the stick.

According to him, his girlfriend blamed him for everything.

She held him responsible for the break up.

It was his fault that they fought so much.

He supposedly was to blame for all of her bad moods and when bad luck prevailed, he would catch blame for that as well.

His relationship with his ex girlfriend did not start off this way.  But the last couple of weeks were really tough as neither of them could find common ground.

And he kept telling me,

“look Dude, I don’t deserve it.  It’s really her fault.”

He jokingly remarked that the only thing he did not get blamed for was the weather.  But since she hated cold weather and winter was approaching, he was convinced he was about to catch hell.

My experience with such things has taught me that there is usually a lot more to the story.

While it did sound like his ex girlfriend held him accountable for far too many things, I was interested in understanding what, if any, behaviors my client may have exhibited that could have been triggers to his ex-girlfriend’s accusations.

So that is where we began as we journeyed through his relationship.

I wanted to understand how things started between them.

I wanted to understand what were their normal routines.

I wanted to gain greater insight into when the fights started and when his ex-girlfriend began blaming him for so many things.

I needed to understand if there was some kind of triggering event that got the relationship headed off into the wrong direction.

So there was a lot for me to learn.  But part of this process was to help my client learn these things too.

What often happens is that we get so engaged with all the negative events happening in our relationship, that it can be easy to get lost in all the muck.

When we have a woman who is constantly blaming, condemning, accusing, or finding fault, it sounds a lot like one way traffic.

And while my experience has revealed to me that some women can fall prey to the seductive qualities of always laying blame on their boyfriend; more often than not, both of them are guilty of the same sin.

After hearing a full hour of why his ex-girlfriend is a dreadful person, constantly finding fault with the things he says or does, I wanted to turn the focus around.

I wanted my client to hold the mirror up and take a really hard look at things he said or done that could have contributed to the demise of their relationship.


(Just don’t type it in Google.)

Over the next few minutes we are going to explore that line of inquiry and much more.

And I think you will see that in most cases, the blame game is really a symptom of a larger problem.

Our job is to uncover what that could be.

Here are the key things that we will touch on.

  1. What Was Working With the Relationship
  2. What Did You Do Wrong in Your Dealings with Your Ex Girlfriend
  3. Why Does your Ex Girlfriend Blame You
  4. Whose Fault Is it Really
  5. What Can You Do About it Now

Lets hop to it!

Before We Begin I Need To Tell You Something Important

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Getting an ex girlfriend back generally isn’t a simple process. It requires a lot of thought, strategy and even a little bit of luck.

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For me to say that I can would be a lie.

Luckily, I have created something that can tell you just about everything you absolutely need to know to get your ex girlfriend back.

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What Was Working With the Relationship?

Poor Anakin... You Only "Think" It's Working

Poor Anakin… You Only “Think” It’s Working


I figured at the heart of the relationship blame game was a bigger problem.

My client had described that he and his girlfriend had been seeing each other for two years.  In my book, while that is not a super long time, it definitely suggests that these two lovers had created a connection strong enough to last a good spell.

To be bonded for two years, you have to be doing some things right.

I decided we would temporarily get off the topic of “blame” and turn our attention to the positives in order to give the conversation a more realistic perspective.

He told me that in the first year of the relationship his girlfriend sparkled with happiness.  They spent a lot time together, their sex life was satisfying, and they both held stable jobs.

He explained that he was happy and thought she seemed happy as well in those earlier times.

I asked if there was much blaming go on in those earlier times.

He said No…

I asked if he thought she was a dreadful person then.

He said No…

I asked him how they had met.  It turned out they met through a dating service.

I told him that even during the good times, there are usually some issues of contention.  So, I inquired about what they usually argued about.

It turned out that most of the conflict they had in the first year of the relationship was relatively petty and seemed to be usually triggered by fatigue, stress, or a misunderstanding.

Ok, I thought to myself, so far so good.

In talking to my client, he did not come off as an unreasonable person.

He was likable and intelligent, though a tad emotional.

He described his ex-girlfriend as drop dead gorgeous.  He said that she was independent, strong willed, and fiercely loyal.

He explained that he liked all of those qualities.  In fact, he said that her personality “turned him on” because the other women he dated tended to be pushovers and would not stand up for themselves.

In his ex-girlfriend’s case (her name was Casey), that was never a problem.

She was confident in what she believed and seldom did she “beat around the bush”.

If something was on her mind, she told you and you didn’t have to worry about her playing games.

She would frequently tell him that she did have time to play games.  She would tell him she wanted to “play at life”.

He claimed that she “did not have a jealous bone in her body” (hold on to that thought!)


So I am hearing all this from my client and I am thinking to myself, “Crap, I better help this guy get her back, because she really sounds like a catch”

It was a good tactic to get him talking about the better days, because I could see he was starting to climb out of his funk.

The feeling that your ex-girlfriend is unfairly accusing you is not uncommon when one is in the early phases of a break up.

It was crystal clear to me that he was angry, hurt and confused that the relationship had unraveled.

And I could see when we first began talking, he was not ready to accept any blame for any of it.

Rather, his attitude was that he was being unfairly portrayed and accused of a great many things.

His ex-girlfriend’s tongue lashing tirade had stung him hard and he was not quite ready to move on.  At least that was his mindset in the first several minutes of our conversation.

He was quite content at making petty comments about his ex and playing victim.

And I was hearing very little in the lessons learned department.

I figured if my client continued to thrash around in this role of “victim”, then things were never going to get better.

I have seen this sort of thing before.

It is normal, but one cannot stay in this type of funk too long.

To me, it matters less who casts the “blame” and who plays the “victim” because it is a losing proposition to play either role.

After talking to my client, I was hearing a lot about being blamed and feeling victimized.

It was time to turn that around.

I have come to learn, there is always more to the story.  There are always missing pieces of information that I need to coax out.

It was time for me to help him turn the corner.

As long as my client was convinced that his ex girlfriend was the sole instigator of all his troubles, we were going nowhere, fast.

Then something happened.

I think of it as “getting out of your own way”.

After reflecting back on the good times he had with his ex girlfriend, he was starting to find a better frame of mind to accept there must be something more going on.

So I decided I would launch into my own little tirade.

He asked me, “so what do you think?”

I told him, “I think it is a bunch a crap.”

Yea, me too”, he said.

“No”, I said with a big smile, “I think what you have been saying is a bunch a crap.

He look at me like I was nuts.  So I explained.

I don’t like at all when a guy accuses their ex-girlfriend as always “blaming” them for everything under the sun.

That kind of talk does not work for me because I know it will not work out for my client if they continue to play “victim”.

Love and hate…these two things are always products of two way traffic.

If you and your ex-girlfriend are busted up now”, I told him, “then it is because BOTH of you did something wrong. It is never just one person who is at fault.”

Where Did it Go Wrong with Your Ex Girlfriend and What was Your Role?

what happened

So I asked my client a simple question.

What did you do that really pissed her off?”

He looked at me like like I was not listening to a word he had said.

So, I repeated my question.

You must have really screwed up.  So what did you do?”

You see, sometimes when a client of mine is playing the “victim” game, I Iike to jolt them back to reality.

So he is looking at me with this incredulous expression like, “why the frack am I paying you for this”!

So, I could see that I was going to have to do some relationship coach preaching!

I started in with another confusing thought for him to chew on.

I said, “look, this thing with your ex-girlfriend is probably very simple.  Look for the simplest explanation.”

If you hired me to help you with getting your ex girlfriend back, then that is what I am going to do.  Just be prepared to shift your paradigm.

You see, unless his girlfriend was some kind of “she devil monster”, then his explanation for what has been going down between the two of them is far too complicated.

I mean really, all of a sudden, this amazing young woman turns into a she devil monster!

Nope, I am not buying that!

Remember, I prescribe to the theory that relationships and everything good and bad about relationships, comes out of two way traffic.


It takes two to tango.

It takes two to fight.

It takes two to make love.

And you need two people to play the blame game.

Yes…that is what was going on here.  She was playing the “blame maker” and he was playing the “victim”.

Now, if you tell me that all your troubles stem from this most awful “she monster” of an ex-girlfriend and that she “blames” you for EVERYTHING, well it just does not fit into my simple way at looking at things.


Have you ever heard of Occam’s Razor?

There was this 14th century logician and Franciscan Friar called William Ockham.

He was a really smart guy.

He was also a philosopher and problem solver.

The term “Occam’s Razor” originated from his hypothesis that given two competing possible explanations, the “simplest” one…..the one that requires the fewest assumptions, is usually the correct one.

Pretty cool notion, don’t you think!  Scientists use this logic frequently.

So let’s lay it out.  What might be the simplest of these two competing explanations?

  1. My ex-girlfriend is mean spirited and unfairly blames me for everything, even though I did not do hardly anything wrong.  I am the victim and she is the blamer.
  2. My ex-girlfriend has accused me of some things because I may have made some mistakes, but so to has she.

Explanation number 2 requires fewer assumptions because in the real world, when we have two people involved in a relationship, both will make mistakes and cast blame.

This kind of outcome is “simply” much more common.

Couples will encounter problems and it is rare that only one person is to blame for everything.

So after I introduced my client to Occam and after we had talked about some of the wonderful qualities his ex girlfriend possessed, he was ready to “spill the beans”.

He just didn’t know what it was yet.

After some probing, I finally got him talking about what he might have done to get sideways with his ex girlfriend.

He and I both knew that all this “blaming” just did not emerge like some evil genie in a bottle.

It got its start somewhere, somehow, and sometime.

And I wanted to hear about it and understand it.

“Ok, Ok”, he finally confessed.

I think I know what it was.  She said something about during our last fight. I think she started getting all wound up a couple of weeks ago when I told her that her sister was pretty hot”.

Now we were getting some place.

What came out of all that”, I asked.

He said that she did not really say much about it back then.

He explained that shortly after his off the cuff remark about her sister, they were planning on going to the movies and she asked him what he thought of the idea of her sister coming along.

If you have ever been down this kind of path before, you will know that sometimes your girlfriend might suggest something that the two of you can do together, but she may not really want to do it.

It is all a Test.

She is testing you to see what you will say.

Or she is just thinking out loud and is not sure what she wants.

Well in this case, she was testing my client and he failed big time.

Instead of telling his girlfriend, “no, I really just want it to be us together at the movies,” he royally screwed up and said, “yes, sure, that is a great idea”.

I like to pick at things.

Being a relationship coach is somewhat like being a detective.

Screen Shot 2015-12-03 at 3.34.17 PM

If you pick at things enough, sometimes little important facts just fall right into your lap.

So, I kept picking at this conversation he had with his ex-girlfriend about inviting the “sister” to the movies.

I asked if there was some kind of “scene” at the movies between the three of them.

He said No.

I asked if it seemed that his ex-girlfriend had a good time.

He said yes.

I inquired about the seating arrangement.

Boom, I struck gold!

He said it sort of turned out that he was seated between them.

So, I am thinking to myself, “oh crap, I see where his ex girlfriend got started on the warpath”

Sometimes, it is just the little things that can upset the apple cart for us guys.

And this was it.

When your girlfriend is jealous and hurt that she is not getting your full attention, you best get ready to pay the piper.

This is where it all started going wrong.

Why Does Your Ex Girlfriend Blame You?

blame thrower

Speaking in general terms, there are multiple reasons why your ex-girlfriend may find blaming you a lot easier than loving you…..at least for a spell.

Just for clarification, make no mistake, your lovely girlfriend of the past will not just stop loving you over something like this.

But if you have done something wrong in her eyes, then it is far easier for her to first blame you for your transgressions then wait for your apology.

And if your apology is not forthcoming, look out!

Sometimes, you will not even have a clue what you did wrong.

I remember once playing tennis on some courts near where I live.

I have played with my wife in the past and always had a great time.  On this particular day, she was still at work and I thought I would go out and hit a few balls.

Now, I did not wake up that day thinking that my lovely wife would be casting blame on me for what happened next.

Nor did I set out to do anything that would upset the apple cart.  But sometimes, despite your good intentions, you can find yourself in a pickle.

So I am out there whacking away on some tennis balls when a girl’s team from a local High School arrives at the courts.

Bear in mind that there are only two courts at the apartment complex I live at.

My wife and I had agreed to play tennis when she arrived at home, so it was fortunate I had gotten an available court.

So while I was working on my serve (by myself), the young women and their woman coach set up camp right next to me and started doing some drilling.  Given that they could see I was hitting the ball pretty well, naturally an invitation was extended to me to hit with one of the young ladies.

It turned out to be a big mistake.  My wife came home and saw me playing tennis with the entire girl’s tennis team.

She was amazing and really cool about it.

But she had every right to blame me for not recognizing that the entire scene could have been misconstrued.

If you are really close to a woman, it usually does not take much for jealousy to rear its head.  So you have to be aware of how your actions and words are perceived.

Going back to my client, I wanted him to understand the drawbacks of playing the blame game.  Because in reality, he was playing the blame game as well.

Not only did he act like he was “victimized”, but he launched into several little tirades about how his ex gf really screwed things up with her aggressive and brazen accusations.

According to him, she started the whole mess and is the one most accountable.

I told him that “blame” being passed around within a relationship like a football, usually results in a massive withdrawal from the trust bank you have worked so hard to establish with your lover.

For the benefit of my readers, I am going to list out some of the common things ex-girlfriends blame their boyfriends for.

But I want to make it clear, that the “blame game” couples can play at, almost always ends in more trouble.

So if you are thinking about participating, stop yourself.

And if you are blamed for something, then don’t play victim.

The blame game takes two people to work.  Think of it as a “role” people sometimes play.

There is the blamer and there is the victim.

My advice, is don’t rehearse or try out for either part, no matter the circumstance.

It is a zero sum game.

Just to be sure you understand what guys commonly get blamed for, here is a short list:

  • Your ex girlfriend may have blamed you for being late to often
  • She may have found fault with you not helping around the home and blame you for how messy everything looks
  • You ex girlfriend may have blamed you for something you said that was insensitive
  • You can get blamed by your ex for flirting
  • Don’t be surprised if you are accused of not being serious about the relationship and blamed for the lack of progress.
  • Your ex girlfriend may hold you responsible for making a promise, that you later broke
  • You can find yourself being accused of not ever wanting to make a “commitment”
  • Then of course, there is the mother of all “blames”.  You may be accused of bringing ruin and unhappiness to the relationship or to her life because you instigated the break up.  Yes indeed, that particular accusation can be a hard one to live down.

Whose Fault is It Really?  


When there is some kind of major problem in the relationship in which something really bad happens which threatens the very survival of the couple, you can bet one or both parties will be looking to cast blame.

It is just a normal reaction.

We react this way because in all of our hearts, there is this place called “selfish”.

I know, it sounds terrible.

I don’t mean to portray everyone as completely selfish, because we are not.

It is just that all of us have some degree of selfishness that is very much part of our make up.

From the moment we are born to the very present moment…..we are governed to some degree by our selfish desires.

So when something bad happens and it hurts…. most of us look to blame.

I look at it as a case of our “ego” merging with our “selfish desires”.

That is the catalyst to how “blaming” behaviors emerge.

And look out if someone blames or accuses us first.

Most of us are programmed to launch our counter measures to protect our ego and selfish needs.

If you blame me, guess what?

I am going to blame you back with a ferocity.

And this is when the dominos begin to fall.

At that stage of the interaction between the two lovers, it can easily develop into a no holds bar, ugly, and messy fight where “blame” becomes like a cheap poker chip, thrown around with little consideration.

And those that prefer to play the “game of victim” are as guilty as those that sling the mud of accusations.

So who is REALLY to blame for all of this craziness?

Well, of course, it is both of you (i.e. you and your girlfriend)!

You see, I can play at this game.

You and your girlfriend are both at fault.

I blame each of you!

There are no winners when you and your ex girlfriend play the blame game and the victim game.

Only losers.

Now, in this singular case involving my client, it took a while before he realized that he screwed up.

It took him going all the way back to the movie cinema incident to realize he set into motion a wave of jealousy and distrust.

Now that does not excuse his ex -girlfriend from not calmly talking about the matter early on.

It does not excuse her from holding this against her boyfriend for weeks and letting it fester.

I am sure if I peeled back more layers and took an even deeper look at what was going on between these two, I would probably find some passive aggressive efforts where his ex-girlfriend gave him subtle opportunities to acknowledge his insensitivity or prove himself to be a loving and faithful boyfriend.

But you see, most of us guys are usually blind to these efforts.

When women try these kinds of subtle, under the radar attempts to communicate, most often we just “don’t get it.

We don’t bite, because we don’t know we are suppose to fish ourselves out of the misunderstanding.

So what happens.

Things get worse as your girlfriend internalizes all of these thoughts and you still have no clue.

At least, not until she blows up.  But you are still left wondering why you are getting blamed for everything.

What Can You Do About It Now?

im coming

Don’t worry… I’m Coming


Well, I am glad you asked!

It so happens, there is a lot you can do.

For starters, you need to stop playing victim if that is what is going on in your mind.

It will get you nowhere.

It also makes you look and sound weak.

Your ex-girlfriend does not want to be around someone she perceives as weak.

Another thing you need to do is evaluate just how serious this break up really is.

Is this just a momentary blow up?

It is more drama and less of a real “breaking up”?

Or are we dealing with something that is systemic, involving a lot of issues over a longer period of time?

The reason why I ask is because you may need to initiate a No Contact Period.

The No Contact Period allows each of you to cool down and get your act together.  If this break up appears to be a serious, long term problem, then both you and your ex-girlfriend will benefit greatly from a period of recovery.

Eventually, the time will be ripe to sit down and have a heart to heart with your ex girlfriend about how all this “blame stuff” got started.

In the case of my client, the breakup was very temporary.

It was used as a device by his ex girlfriend to get his attention because she was angry and hurt by what she later described as “hitting on my sister”.

When they finally got around to sitting down to talk, I had prepared my client to take a completely different approach than what he normally would have done in such a situation.

Typically, he would get defensive when his girlfriend ran through her laundry list of complaints.

Since I was certain most of their troubles stemmed from the jealousy over the “sister”, I told him I wanted him to use what I call the “Empathic Technique”.

So you are probably wondering what the empathic technique is all about, right?

You probably sort of know, but perhaps you need a bit more color.

An Empath is someone that feels and absorbs another’ person’s thoughts or pain.

Here is a definition:

Being an empath is when you are affected by other people’s energies and have an innate ability to intuitively feel and perceive others.

I told him I wanted him to sit across from his ex-girlfriend and calmly make eye contact.

If the moment is right, reach out to her hand and hold it.

Then I told him that I want him to tell her that you feel you really need to listen to everything she has to say.  Then actively listen, without interrupting.

I instructed him to shake his head to show he understood when she made her points.  I cautioned him not to act in any way or reveal facial expressions that would suggest he was defensive.

Then I went on to tell him:

If you speak, say only supportive things, but make it as brief as possible. Remember, she has the floor.  When she is finally through talking, it is time to become the “Empath”.

Cut right to the heart of the matter.

Tell her how insensitive it was for you to make careless and suggestive comments about her sister.  Tell her you now know how awful you made her feel when you sat between her and the sister at the movie theater.

Express to her that you made mistakes and you now understand how your immature behaviors can hurt her.

Offer no defense.

Do not play victim.

Do not lay down any blame.

Simply say your piece and keep it relatively brief (e.g. 3-4 minutes), then shut up.

In these situations, less is more.

And no matter what, make sure the last thing you tell her is, “You are everything to me.  I love you”.

We all screw up.

And the measure of strength is knowing when to be an Empath.

Not all break-ups come back as quickly as this one did.

Powerful is the “Empath” as Yoda would say.


Written by EGR team mate

Chris Seiter

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40 thoughts on “Why Does My Ex Girlfriend Blame Me For Everything?”

  1. Set

    September 20, 2016 at 8:39 am

    My ex girlfriend broke up with me because I made a scene of jealousy 1 month ago. I was drunk when I did it. I also in the past got drunk and make her feel disappointed because I got drunk and her best friend got angry at me. She choose me over him and stop contact with him. Anyway now I stop getting drunk because that person is not me. I never touch her or being aggressive even drunk.
    Ok now I love her and I say to myself that she as well.
    She blocked me and I wrote her something really nice to make her remember our memories.
    Afterwords I realize she is looking for anything to break up with me.

    Reason, the jealous scene, drunk (but she is seeing that I change that), she is not doing well in the University, when she is with me she does not want to go out to party or meet friends often because she rather to spend time with me.
    She used to call me to spend time when she should be studying and I went, thinking that she is smart enough to pass everything.

    We broke up because I got drunk and the scene. But in some point I thought the things could be fixed so I started the NC rule. And then she wrote a lot and even letters of love. As soon as I started to reply she change the tables and started to write less and superficial nothing like her. So I took holidays and went to her city, where I put more pressure into her. She see her family and friends only 2 times a year and by me being there she got stress. She was afraid that if she give me any hope I will go to her home. And she somehow is protecting my image from her family I think perhaps in case that we come back together.
    During those days she saw me only 5 min, she made me talk in front of two best friends of her. What she didnt know is that I had another plan I thought that everything will be fixed when she see me, that it will show her that I am serious. Instead she got defensive, I even think that perhaps her mother said he is with you all the year now you came for us and friends, you can fix your relationship when you are back. And Thus she stop texting calling or etc. I tried to contact her more because I had this big surprise but it did not work.

    Therefor she blocked me 5 days ago when we came back.
    When we came back recently we had an argument where I complain about some things and that I wanted to understand, why??? Then when I saw her eyes for a moment, for that moment she feel like we will go back together somehow and she has to stop it, and so she does the opposite to fix. She wanted to return me her gifts and told me that she perhaps love me but she does not want to see me again, because she does not trust me, that I do not inspire her, that her notes in the University are bad. Then she asked me to go and I cried. I tried to understand why she did not contact me in the trip at all, I know she did it because she thought I will come to her home. But I would not do that I know she is defending my image somehow and if we have any chance to be together that I should not go. So I didn’t but that moment I could not control I wanted to fix that moment everything. She asked me to go out and then she said I will give you the keys back of your apartment. So she did. But she tried to take it out and she could not take it out so she ask me to do it. She knew I didnt want them back, and asked me to do it so I did,
    The same day afterwards when I realize that I should not have cried that I should hold my emotions. Because one she is trying to have space. I don’t know if she plan to be with me again. But she knows absolutely that we need space for her to forget the bad things and for me as well until I calm down. Perhaps for me to forget the trip, because I am angry somehow and that she did not see me. And for her side she is very proud so she will not say anything to me. At the moment I know she does not like me so much because she wont apologize I appear weak in front of her. The fact that I went to the trip it make her feel that she control me and now she does “I will contact you when I want”. Afterwards that day I wrote her something to make her remember good memories, and that I love her and that I give her all the space that she needs that was on Sunday.

    Monday night she added me again and wrote me that I upset her physiologically and when I do that her body reacts and it become physically. I know this is an excuse to say I am sensible and that when we have problems she gets very upset. She told me that she got fever that she cannot focus and to let her do what she thinks she needs, that if she want to see me or do something with me that she will contact me. she asked me to do not take the initiative. She also said that she respect me that she still respect me (this is about that she won’t sleep with anyone) and that I should respect her by giving her space.
    What is happening? How should I approach? As you saw we cant give too much space from each other. How can I make her stop pushing me away when she love me, How can I convince her that she can be with me and not have problems in the university at the same time.
    What is happening? what should I do? how to react?

  2. Greg

    August 28, 2016 at 1:30 am

    I had some things that came up in my personal life with another girl I had had a baby with several years ago. My girlfriend and I decided to take a break until things were more settled. At first we stayed in contact but eventually she said it was too hard and she didn’t want to hear from me until we could be together. I would still text her every few weeks just to check in, because I missed her a lot. She always responded right away and we’d talk for a while, which was good.

    She wanted me to do a paternity test on the baby, so I did. We both could see the results, but she saw what they were first. So she told me that I was the father (I didn’t doubt, but she had questioned it). I didn’t know what to say. She asked if I had anything to say, but I still didn’t know what to say. Then all of a sudden she completely went crazy, saying all this psycho stuff. I told her I was busy but we could talk the next day after she calmed down. I thought she had gone crazy before but then she completely flipped out even more and eventually told me to never contact her again. I did tell her to F off after all that.

    I tried no contact and after that I just texted her ‘Hey you’ll never guess what just happened!’ because that was something that we used to do all the time. But what she said was ‘You died in a fiery accident and you realized you love messing with my head so much that you’ve decided to stalk me from beyond the grave?’ I’m not even sure why she flipped out on me before, but it seems she hasn’t really cooled off at all. I’m still working on stuff with my son, so I’m not ready to commit to her anyway, but I don’t want to lose her either. But I definitely think she’s blaming me for everything and I’m trying but she doesn’t even see that.

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      September 1, 2016 at 6:29 am

      Hi Greg,

      I don’t understand her either.. was the baby a result of you cheating on her? Anyways, how long did you do no contact? Are you back in no contact now?

  3. Robert

    August 19, 2016 at 3:18 pm

    Hi Guys

    I first went out with my ex in March, it wasnt exactly a date as we had arranged to meet up for a rally, afterwards we both went for a drink, it wasnt long before she was all over me like a rash – I walked seen her to her bus home and that was the start of our relationship.

    The following week we met up, this time she came home with me, by the 3rd date she was telling me how a great guy i was, in bed that night she told me she loved me, she would repeat these words every time we met-up.

    By the 3rd meeting I was telling her I loved her too, it was a bit of a rollercoaster ride, we done all the usual things couples do.

    I am in my late 50’s & she in her late 40’s with a 10yo kid – On date four she wanted to invite friends over so it would make it easier for me to meet her daughter, i said the best thing we could do was for me to come over and do a job in her house, get dinner then leave which she agreed to, on top of that she wanted me to go on holiday with them which i said would be to soon…

    In June I bought her a few presents, nothing expensive, just a small gift, her response was she didnt want to be given gifts, a few weeks later i got her flowers, that was the last time i got her anything.

    Our romance was blooming, I couldnt believe how great life could be again – As we got to know more about each other, we told each other about our pasts,, hers was constant let downs by men who had came into her life, mine was a bad divorce by a wife who got me into debt and cheated on me..

    As I’ve said – we got on great and there was never a bad word between us.

    We work together, no one apart from her friend at work knew about us, we kept it quiet to protect her daughter (Ithink)

    As July kicked off everything was still fantastic, I was a great guy, fantastic blah blah blah and she was still saying how much she loved me…

    I was last with her on the 16th July, we were suppose to meet up the following week but i had the flu, a week later we were suppose to go to a co-workers wedding reception, she had changed her holiday dates to go to the reception then through the week changed them back saying her daughter would miss out on some event if she didnt leave on the Saturday, all through this we would talk at work and i’d phone her almost every night..

    On her return from holiday I call her, we were talking away when i asked if she was going out for her birthday, all i got was NOPE!! she told me she had to be with her daughter as she came first… then something about being friends, whatever was said after that is a bit of a blank as i was in shock…

    The following day she approached me in work, I said yeah (i wasnt) that night and for the next few days i done what i knew i shouldnt do, send her texts saying i don’t think things will be the same etc, her response was, I never listened to her regarding gifts and that i was on the phone constantly to her.. she didnt seem to mind the calls – ok it was almost every night and she was the one who triggered them off before i kinda took over..

    I knew sending texts was only hurting one person, me!! this week i apologised and started doing the soppy texts, what an idiot eh? but thats love for ya..

    She texted me to call her on Wednesday as she couldnt sleep because i was doing this soppy text stuff after such a short time together..

    I texted back saying i was hurt and would call her, anyways I told her i wanted to remain friends as she suggested, I also said i still loved and cared about her, she started saying again about me just going for things ie. I’d booked a restaurant for her birthday which never happened, she ranted about me doing things double quick, like one day i decorated my home in 15hours, this coming from the same person who said her ex never completed any job, she went on about the phone calls and presents again and told me we won’t be getting back together, the biggest shock was when i said, it was her who pushed for this relationship, and as mentioned kept saying she loved me, her reply was priceless, she said she was being tactile, now this is an extremely intelligent woman, tactile & telling someone you love them are totally different – The conversation ended with we would be friends with no telephone or text contact, she also removed me from her fb friends list (not blocked)

    Its now Friday and we’ve had no contact, I don’t go back to work until next Wednesday and to be honest i’m hurting like hell, We had a great few months together and now nothing, yeah i understand she has a young daughter to look after but for everything to come to a halt so suddenly has broken my heart, I wasnt looking for anyone and was quite happy remaining single after the heartache i’ve went through in the past but this girl really as she would say to me “pushed all the buttons”

    I’m known as a really nice guy at work and now feel flattened, when i was texting last week about things never being the same, she was telling me she cared about me and didnt want to lose me as a friend, since the soppy texts i’ve been left with nothing, did i do anything wrong, yeah i called a lot and tried to give her back the love which was missing in her life, as i said, she was forever telling me she loved me, i could see the glaze in her eyes, now here i am totally in love with a person who i will only get to talk to at work.

    She said we will never get back together – I never wanted to be hurt and now here i am right back in that hollow hole again.


    1. Robert

      August 20, 2016 at 6:20 am

      Do you know something guys – after reading many of the articles oh here i felt a heavy burden being lifted…..

      Reading back on what i wrote here was all the therapy i needed, i reflected on everything and came to the conclusion, i’m better off without this woman, no denying the times we shared together were great, but i probably found out more about her after the break-up.

      Here is how i broke everything down..

      She came into my life, and went for me big time, within weeks she was telling me how fantastic i was and that she loved me, she was forever telling me how her ex never completed tasks such as decorating etc, she was trying to get her child into my life from the off (i’d no problem with that but thought it was all too soon, she didnt like presents and didnt bother about birthdays etc I could mention a few other things but these are the basics…

      I’m being totally honest here, every-time we met up was brilliant, she was indeed extremely tactile and full of love, the ending however went like this.

      While talking on the phone she dropped the bombshell that she had to spend more time with her daughter (which i understood) but then she started ranting about us talking on the phone all the time, then it was another attack about me buying her a few gifts and to top it off she said i just go for things ie. decorating my house in double quick time lol this coming from the same person who was forever criticising her ex for never finishing anything.

      As mentioned in my last email, our last call ended with no phone or text contact, well i certainly won’t be contacting her as i’m well and truly over this woman who took my heart and tried to crush it.

      I have a feeling any man coming into her life will get the same treatment, she told me i was perfect, the ending told a different story if anyone was to believe her.

      I thought it would take me months to get over her, its only took 2 weeks, i would suggest to anyone who has went through a break-up, think deeply about everything she says during and after the break-up – usually the party who is hurt is the one who gets the character assassination, while she sits back hoping our heads are all over the place, i put this down to the fact she doesnt want people to know what shes really like..

      In my case, i work with this woman, she wants to talk as friends at work, thats no problem to me as i’m an open book, i’ll put on my couldnt care less face which if the truth be known now, i don’t and go on about things the way we use to for a few days then gradually not bother with her at all.

      I did have it in my mind to confront her again about things but i know in my own mind i’m just a normal guy who done nothing wrong and deserved better, if this woman really did love me, she will be hurting like hell, because i was nothing but nice to her, she said i was kind and caring, well if thats how she treats one of the good guys shes in for a shock when mr nasty comes into her life.

      I should say, the 30 day no contact rule is a great idea, i wish i had found this site 2 weeks ago before i’d started doing the text rubbish, all i done on that score was hurt myself, i guess thats the only thing bugging me now, i made a fool of myself with the texts. I will stand back now and let her miss me, one things for sure, i won’t be going back, why would anyone go back with someone who would now know what buttons to press to hurt you, certainly not me anymore.

      I remember reading this somewhere “Love Hurts” no it doesnt, love is fantastic, its the pain which comes afterwards that hurts.

      No doubt many people will find this site comforting (i did) and no doubt many will reconnect with there ex’s because of this site, just remember one thing, if it doesnt work out the pain will be twice as hard to get over, we are all human, we have feelings, emotions and a heart which many people take great pleasure in tearing apart.

      Did i love this woman, yes i did, do i love her now, nope, what i will take out of our relationship is the great times we shared, she will have to reflect on these times too, only this time it will be her hurting, not me.

      I would appreciate some feedback on this.

      Cheers guys.

    2. EGR Team Member: Amor

      August 25, 2016 at 8:13 pm

      Hi Robert,

      I’m glad the articles helped. I agree with you. If you dont love her, dont get back with her

    3. Robert

      August 27, 2016 at 10:07 am

      After talking to a female friend it looks as though – in fact, i WAS love bombed then dropped like the titanic, she came on to me like an express train, within two dates she told me she loved me, told me she wished she had met me 10 years ago, told me every time we done something together that she had the best time ever, all the traits of a sociopath.. and like a fool i fell for it and fell in love with this woman, what looked to me to be a really nice woman turned out to be a nasty piece of work who when confronted throw things like me giving her gifts, flowers etc in my face, shes showed no remorse and told me within days she wasnt hurting like i am jeez what a cold cold heart… unfortunately i’ve got to work with this woman. yeah i’ll hurt but as each day passes i’m getting stronger, worst of all she wants to be friends, errrrrr no way, this woman ripped my heart out, shame on her or anyone who would do this.

  4. Kevin

    February 27, 2016 at 6:08 pm

    My story has been going on for two months now and way too long to summarize in here. Please email me. I will happily pay for where to go from here. I’m so lost and hurt.

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      February 28, 2016 at 4:28 pm

      Hi Kevin,

      You can email your story at [email protected] and Cheese, our team member will answer your email. 🙂

  5. C

    January 11, 2016 at 6:07 pm

    Hi Chris, I’ve broken every rule possible till today. The reason for our breakup was because I was too clingy/needy and started to become controlling. Beyond that, I was being regarded as the best Boyfriend ever who showed full concern in every aspect. We have broken up for about 5 weeks when she said I needed space, I begged her for the first 2 weeks but right now I’m more assured about myself. Problem is, I broke NC which drives her even further away. Why I broke NC you might ask. Was because I heard that she is avoiding all of her old friends because they were constantly reprimanding her for her decision to leave. I got worried for her and contacted her back. She even hates me because of her friends taking sides with me, even when I didn’t contact her.So I’m back to day 1 of NC. What would you suggest I do? Please put me into perspective

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      January 18, 2016 at 6:38 am

      Hi C,

      Hate is a strong word. Maybe she was just pissed. Talk to her friends that they should understand her..respect her decision but in a nice way. Thank them too for rooting for you but let them ubderstand that that makes your ex puul away. Maybe you can even ask her friends for help on information of when and what’s the best ways to get her conncted again after NC

  6. richard walsh

    January 7, 2016 at 2:51 pm

    hi chris
    i am considering buying your book just wanted some advice first as i think it may already be over but if you think i have chance i will buy it
    i lived in UK my finacee is Thai she works as manager for education company where i used to work which is how we met 4 years ago.
    I had to return to UK for personal family reasons in june 2013 and we got on fine for 2 years, she came over 3 times to visit when she had holidays. She came over in April 2015 for a few days and everything was ok. Just before this i had been very nasty saying silly things and sending her emails saying lets finish. I dont know why i was in a lot of stress at the time she kept telling me to stop and said “stay calm we have everything, i love you and alwys will” in june 2015 then 1 week laer i had another go at her over nothing she ended it.
    i did the usual begging, pleading etc then after about 1 month i stopped and went NC, she sent me picture of her in hospital and i stupidly replied. Since then she hot and cold, one day telling me not to worry then saying she meant it about something else, then saying “my mum says you can come back but we have to marry” other times cold and distant and saying hurtful things.
    after NC she was answering the phone and we talked and she was talking sometimes then not others
    before i left she had arranged for the keys to be dropped off to me for the house and paid my domestic flight ticket, she even went back and changed it from aisle to window seat

    I now back in thailand and i arrived yesterday she did not meet me but sent a text saying sorry i am busy working
    we have a home together but im staying in a hotel, she said she would be back 9th so i lost my temper a bit because i was tired after 24 hours flying now after the painstaking process i messed it up at the final hurdle now she wont talk to me or answer my texts she just said come round on the 9th to collect your things

    the 9th is her birthday and i have brought her something weeks and weeks ago.

    is it all over or shall i buy your book?
    do i give her the present when i call round on 9th i not seen her since april 2015

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      January 20, 2016 at 11:59 am

      Hi Richard,
      Sorry I didn’t understand your story fully. Did you go back to a Thailand to marry her?

  7. William

    December 30, 2015 at 6:35 am

    Hey Chris.
    I was in a relationship for 4 months and I broke up with her 5 months ago. She’s a sister of my high school friend. I was the one who initiated breakup. After 2 or 3 weeks I made a mistake because I sent her a message asking whats up and how is she, unfortunately I was very weak (obviously) at that moment, she ignored that message. Have to mention that I was very rude at breakup because I did it all via SMS and I told her I don’t wanna speak with her ever again. After that we’ve been seeing each other few times a month, just saying ‘hi’, nothing else. Last week we met at the train station, she was there when I came in and she offered to buy a ticket for me, so I don’t have to wait in a long line. I accepted that gesture and told it was kind of her… that day we talked about 30 min and it was very good time. We haven’t spoke anything about relationship or past. After that I added her on Facebook and we talked few times… She mentioned our breakup and she is blaming me (of course) for everything, and she says if she could go back she would act the same. We have seen each other on Christmas and kissed in cheeks to wish merry Christmas… My friend (and her also) talked with her about our relationship and she said she would never go back to do the same mistake again, but she also said that we didn’t ever hated each other so much (?).
    I’ll be very grateful if you could give your review of this, and give some advice what to do. She’s a good person and my first girlfriend, and I would really want to get her back, just don’t know what do to next, should I keep texting her or what. I’m 20 and she is 22.
    Thanks in advance

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      January 21, 2016 at 4:03 am

      Hi William,

      keep texting her. Go friendly and then flirty after you’ve established connection. And then build attraction again

  8. Marc

    December 27, 2015 at 2:47 pm

    Chris I’m struggling man. Just a few months ago me and this girl were kissing, making-out, talking about going to the same college et cetera. Now she’s saying things like “you text me too much, you follow me too much, you hover around me too much, you’re on top of me when I’m at my locker You cause too much drama at lunch, you stock me”. The thing that hurts is that she asked me to do all of that. Then she’s like “you’re the reason for my headaches and stomachaches” even though the real reason for that is because of her stupid periods. I avoided her for a week then I was texting her off and on.  I gave her a Christmas gift from Kays (it wasn’t a get back together gift, I bought it on good Friday before we stopped talking). She accepted it and hugged me. I was ecstatic. She then texted me thank you, and we were talking again. The only difference was that I wasn’t replying to all of her texts and I wasn’t replying to the best of my ability. (I was playing hard to get). Well that backfired. You see she sent a text that same day and I didn’t reply. I was hoping a few days later she would text first, but she didn’t. So one day I said “hey” and she said “I’m trying to chose the right people to have in my life and I think it’s better if we stop texting and calling. And if you want the bracelet back I would completely understand” then after some texting she said “Honestly nothing but we really need to start fresh. I mean we can say hi and things but I mean it’s better this way. & sry about that..” I’m devastated and I don’t know what to do. I read about the no contact rule and now I’m 4 days in. But I want to know is this relationship salvageable  and if so how. Please help me; she’s my first love

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      January 21, 2016 at 4:58 am

      Hi Marc,

      There’s a thin of being rude and being hard to get because of your standards or your activities. Maybe she felt ignored when you didn’t reply. You have to be careful when to do it. It’s good that she mentioned you need a fresh start, that means she’s open to reconnecting with you.

  9. Gregory

    December 5, 2015 at 8:19 am

    Hi Chris
    How does one gauge where your ex girlfriend is at in terms of head space and feelings after a breakup?
    My ex left me 4 weeks ago, her reasons being that she still loves me but doesn’t feel that lustful attraction all the time and that I had been too jealous and clingy. This is the same 20 year old girl that is going through a phase now with all the clubbing etc as she had been attached to me since she was 16. Remember she got upset when seeing me out in the club? You suggested she still has feelings for me but is going through a phase now. I definitely know she is very confused and have given her space.

    Hence, how does one go about gauging where their ex is at after a breakup if you are trying to get her back? A few details I have since the breakup include (chronological order over the four weeks since breakup):
    1. She doesn’t know how she feels and would be going to the gym to try help her think
    2. Upon surprising her a few times with treats she said its a little late to act this way now
    3. One of her texts to me involved our pet names for eachother
    4. A week after breaking up she posted an emotional article on FB basically stating how she feels (i.e. we didn’t work out) – although I think it is BS.
    5. After trying to meet up with her she stated she just needs space which I have given her for 3 weeks now
    6. We have not spoken in three weeks and she has been partying alot (got upset seeing me in the club and she then left soon after)
    7. She has been hanging around with a “party crowd” and has had a hook up or two and has taken up smoking (which she used to hate)
    8. She is going overseas soon and had been in contact with my mother to meet up to talk and say goodbye before she left. She did not have the best relationship with my mother so this was a shock to me. She later had to cancel because of work reasons
    9. She has become very quiet on Facebook etc since we broke up.

    We have not had any contact between eachother for 3 weeks now and I although I have my own thoughts on how she is feeling based on the factors above I don’t know if I am correct. How can I get a sense of her feelings/mindset based on the information I have?
    I think this may be a good topic for your next article possibly as I am sure many guys (myself included) find it difficult to get a good idea on how the loves of our lives are feeling/thinking/acting after they breakup with us.

    1. Chris Seiter

      December 5, 2015 at 2:01 pm

      Stay in no contact for another week. Use slight jealously to get her attention. It sounds like a definite phase as she is finally able to go out.

    2. Gregory

      December 6, 2015 at 4:47 pm

      Hi Chris
      Thanks for your advice. I was aiming to do NC for 21 days but recently I have wanted to extend it to about 28 or so. However, yesterday (day 20 on NC) my ex messaged me asking if I was home. Initially I ignored it and then she tried calling, which I ignored too, 20 mins later I called her back as I thought it was only 1 day shy of 21 days.
      Long story short she came over as she wanted to “talk” and she was “in the area” so I am no longer able to extend NC by 7 days. I played it cool and let her do all the talking.

      She says the silence between us since the breakup has made her want to make peace between us and be able to be friends, saying that she would be totally open to being friends with me. She carried on about this new life she is living, how she is enjoying being independent and being able to do whatever she wants and feels like a completely different person but she wants peace between us and that she thinks I won’t like this new person she has turned into. Saying that what she likes in a guy has changed now. She mentioned she has a lot of anger because she lost all of her younger years because of being in a serious relationship and right now she wishes we had met later on in life and feels like she never wants to get married although when she was with me she wanted to get married to me ASAP. She says she forces herself onto other people to try make new friends and have people to go out with and has been nicknamed “the rash”. She has been spending alot of time with rich people and visiting their fancy apartments and drinking.

      She said she had been thinking about breaking up with me for a month before she actually did it because she thought it could be a mistake and she didn’t want to hurt my feelings. She says she will always have love for me and mentioned that her and her friends had recently been talking about what kind of girl I would hook up with next and mentioned that she doesn’t want to be in a relationship for a long time and her going overseas might make her want to never come back home. In closing she mentioned that when she looks at me now she gets a similar feeling to when you look at an old person and you can see that he/she is busy dying. This statement really itches at me.

      All in all we spent about an hour together and I kept it cool and prodded her with questions to get information from her as she did most of the talking. I tried to remain mysterious and evasive when she asked me questions but near the end I lost my cool a bit and she could see I was feeling down so we wrapped things up. I said a few things in closing like I will always have love for her and she can talk to me. She said her reason for coming over was to make peace, see how I am doing and in a way to say goodbye. When she mentioned it was to say goodbye to me and part ways she teared up real fast and I was surprised as she had been upbeat the entire time. A couple of times she got jealous because I was replying to people on my phone 😉 Upon saying goodbye I was rearranging my hair style and I saw her looking at me doing this in almost an attractive manner ( I could see in her eyes the way she looked at me) in a way that she used to look at me rearrange my hair when we were together.

      Have I screwed up by replying to her on day 20 NC and by spending too much time with her on our first encounter seeing eachother and by feeling down near the end of the meet up? She was the one who instigated wanting to meet up with me right away. She mentioned she wants to see me again before she goes overseas to say goodbye and to exchange our belongings again.
      What do you make of the information I managed to get out of her?How do you think this encounter went and how should I follow up on this bearing in mind she leaves in 2 months and the holiday season is upon us?

      Regards and Many Thanks

    3. Gregory

      December 8, 2015 at 5:44 am

      Hi Chris
      Sorry about this, I could really use your thoughts on my current situation (as posted in comment above) or do you think it is pretty much over? After seeing me on Saturday she had asked one of my friends that night how I had been doing.

    4. Chris Seiter

      December 8, 2015 at 1:50 pm

      I don’t think its all over.

    5. Gregory

      December 8, 2015 at 6:13 pm

      How do you suggest I proceed?
      Reach out to her to try be friends and work on that front or step back into NC and take another approach? At least she won’t ignore me from here on out and her wanting to see me is a little bit of progress.

    6. EGR Team Member: Amor

      January 22, 2016 at 8:30 am

      Hi Gregory,
      Sorry for the late reply, how are things now?

  10. Josh

    December 5, 2015 at 1:58 am

    Hi Chris, we’ve talked before but now I’m just as confused as ever, my girlfriend broke up with me a few days less than 3 months ago now, yesterday I saw her for the second time since the breakup, immediately after she saw me she left the gymnasium with her friend and was sitting in the corner with her friend curled up in a ball crying her eyes out, she soon after that tweeted, “my heart can’t handle it”. She broke up with me because she didn’t like we argued too much, the last time I tried talking to her was about a little over a month ago, she gave me 2 one word answers and then stopped replying and tweeted, “I really don’t need you” but now she’s crying her eyes out just because of my presence in the same building as her, I saw that she was sneaking looks at me the entire time I was there, what’s going on and what should I do, because I’m more confused than ever

    1. Chris Seiter

      December 5, 2015 at 2:07 pm

      Reach out to her, send her a sweet message.

    2. Josh

      December 5, 2015 at 3:27 pm

      What would you think about talking to her in person a little bit? Because she’s a wrestling manager this year(I graduated) and I was a wrestler my 4 years of highschool and my coaches and teammates asked me to come to some practices, think I should try to talk to her then so I can flirt better? Or just wait a few days and text?

    3. Chris Seiter

      December 6, 2015 at 4:48 am

      Take this slow. Talk to her through text only for 2-3 weeks. Then try to meet up with her for a small date. Like a coffee date.

    4. Josh

      December 7, 2015 at 1:07 am

      Alright, but I’d like your opinion on what you think is happening, because a little over a month ago when I tried talking to her she was mean to me and said she doesn’t need me anymore, and hasn’t tried to contact me or anything, so why do you think she cried when she saw me?

    5. Chris Seiter

      December 7, 2015 at 3:21 pm

      Often times when a woman says that she doesn’t need you, you have to take it with a grain of salt and look at what her actions are actually saying.

    6. Josh

      December 7, 2015 at 4:03 pm

      Up until last week I didn’t see any signs of her missing me at all so I couldn’t really take her actions into account, but last week she accidentally followed me on Twitter and unfollowed me real quick hoping I wouldn’t get a notification, so she was/has obviously been checking up on me, and since then she’s been liking relationship stuff a lot and obviously the crying when she saw me and whatnot, so should I take those actions as her missing me? Or just try not to think about it too much

  11. Marco

    December 4, 2015 at 1:19 pm

    Hi Chris!

    Do you think, its a good idea to send some gift to the ex to christmas? We are over NC, did the texting and also 2 dates -it want good , she sad in the end she miss me-. Is it too much in this time of year/christmasgift, give suprise, or it would ruin to get her back? -overly romantic move?

    1. Chris Seiter

      December 5, 2015 at 4:09 am

      No definitely not send her a gift. Watch this video. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4sXv2JV9vEY

    2. Marco

      December 5, 2015 at 9:57 pm

      Ok, I saw the video, and I wont give her gifts or anything, but I didn’t get was the connection between my question and the video 🙂 If you can tell me, what’s the idea of not giving suprise, it would help (should she be the first who give me something?)

    3. Chris Seiter

      December 6, 2015 at 4:38 am

      I wanted you to have the full game plan for getting your ex back.

      Gifts are for girlfriends, not exgirlfriends. She needs to earn her gifts. 🙂 When she is your girlfriend again you can get her all the gifts you want.

    4. Marco

      December 11, 2015 at 2:10 pm

      Yes, you are right, I have some trouble with the game plan. I felt I was develop the process, but I’m now little bit stuck. I’m only the one who tried to make contact/date/etc. When I’m not doing ‘anything’, nothings happens. I mean, she not really try to contact me, not searching the opportunity to meet… She only likes my facebook status almost every time, if that counts 😀
      But seriously, what you suggest to do? I made NC, working on myself, then texting, present new version of myself, what she liked (she said it),We had 2 good ‘date’, where nothing sexually happened,(little KINO and hug in the end but no kiss,etc) but we enjoyed eachother company, she said many times she is missing me, we laughed a lot, but after it nothing really happened, and a months went by. I don’t want to be always the one who is try to be together again, but I feel, if I’m not proactive, we will slowly be apart from eachother…
      So all in all, I’m little bit confused, what can I do next? Should I keep making contact with her, invite her program/date?

    5. Chris Seiter

      December 11, 2015 at 6:44 pm

      How come months have gone by? Were you not able to keep it going?

      You should have had a romantic date after the first two dates…

    6. Marco

      December 12, 2015 at 9:05 am

      I was offer her some opportunity to meet after the dates- stand up comedy, where we used to go with our friends, or other common activity, but unfortunately not a romantically date- but in the last month she said she was very busy at work, because it’s end of the year and lot to do. Thatwhy I wasn’t ‘chase’ her, because I dont want to be needy and let her do her job, maybe that was the mistake, but now its been a month when we met… But teoritically she is finished the hard part of her job at workplace, so now she shoudl have more freetime to meet… I will try to invite her to have some common program, and if its works well, make the next step to have a date… Is it a good idea, or you have other suggestion?

  12. Joseph

    December 4, 2015 at 6:44 am

    Hi Chris,

    Thank you for all your articles, I love reading them. You have a very fluent writing style.

    Long story short, I dated a girl for about 2 months (several dates, each lasting 6 plus hours). She showed me a ton of PDA, was very comfortable with my touch. She also initiated the first make out and sex. I got to meet a few of her friends. Long story short we had a really fun time. However, her communication was not great between dates and we only texted (she didn’t like phone calls). She only had 2 BF’s, both long terms. The first guy really hurt her though.

    Unfortunately, she always jokingly thought I was a player. I have dated a large number of girls when I was in college, have a lot of friends, and just come off as free spirited. Her busty, party friend also hit on me. I have had 3 short relationships this year, her being the last. But I really liked her and was planning on making this one work.

    Our last date was us making out and having a good time. No negativity. However, in a week and half or so, we suddenly went low contact and then she blocked me for a week (I dropped by her family’s house, she wasn’t home, but I found out that she was okay). I know I got a bit clingy/needy towards the end because I didn’t want to lose her. I wanted to show her I cared and also left a note saying that.

    She got back to me a week after that, saying she was really sorry, basically needed some space, and hoped that we are still friends. I took a good 5 days and then text her asking how she was. She replied quick and upbeat. We text that week a couple times, she basically told me that I couldn’t get another shot, she didn’t feel we could get somewhere as couple and that she wasn’t a 100 percent sure. She used a lot of smiley faces and positive texting in general, I left it on a great note. Then went full NC.

    She recently had a lot going on in her life and school puts stress on her. She is also 3 years older than me. Unfortunately, I know she is also active on dating sites, I think she enjoys the attention since she never had it before as much. However, she hadn’t had success in meeting guys she likes. And would always mention how great our first date was.

    I am almost 21 days in NC now. I’m gonna text her saying that I was walking through downtown with a friend, remembered her, and hope she is doing well. Then I will rearrange for a friendly meet up before both of us go on vacation for the holidays.

    How does that sound?

    Thanks for your site, I am looking forward to purchasing PRO material soon

    1. Chris Seiter

      December 5, 2015 at 4:25 am

      Perfect! Make sure you space it out though. Text her at least 3 times before planning a date and only text her 1-2 times per week at first.