By Chris Seiter

Published on December 4th, 2023

When your ex-girlfriend asks you for money post-breakup, it can lead to a confusing and often complex situation. This request can mean different things based on the nature of your past relationship, her current circumstances, and your personal boundaries.

So what does it usually mean?

When an ex-girlfriend asks for money, it often indicates financial distress or difficulty adjusting to independence post-breakup. It can also reflect unresolved dependencies from the relationship or a lack of clear boundaries. Understanding her motives and the context of your past relationship is crucial in interpreting this request.

Here, we will delve into what this request might signify more comprehensively, and the reasons for both considering and declining her request.

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My Ex Girlfriend Is Asking Me For Money: Navigating This Tricky Situation

What It Means When an Ex Asks for Money

  1. Financial Distress: She might genuinely be in a difficult financial situation and sees you as a safe person to ask for help, especially if you had a supportive relationship.
  2. Unresolved Dependencies: If your relationship involved financial support, her request could indicate unresolved dependencies or difficulty adjusting to financial independence post-breakup.
  3. Manipulation or Control: In some cases, asking for money can be a tactic to maintain a connection or exert control, especially if the relationship had elements of financial manipulation.
  4. Lack of Boundaries: It might also signify a lack of proper boundaries post-breakup, blurring the lines between past intimacy and current independence.

Reasons You Should Consider Giving Her Money

  1. Genuine Need and Ability to Help: If she’s in a genuine crisis and you have the means to help without any financial strain on yourself, offering assistance can be an act of kindness.
  2. Children or Shared Responsibilities Involved: If you have children together or shared financial responsibilities, supporting her might indirectly be in your interest or in the interest of your children.
  3. Amicable Breakup and Ongoing Friendship: If you parted on good terms and maintain a healthy friendship, helping her out can be a gesture of goodwill, provided it doesn’t compromise your financial stability.
  4. Clear Terms of Repayment: If you decide to lend her money, ensure there are clear terms of repayment. Treat it as a formal loan to avoid any misunderstandings.

Reasons You Shouldn’t Give Her Money

  1. Encouraging Dependency: Providing financial support can create or reinforce a dependency, which isn’t healthy for either of you post-breakup.
  2. Personal Financial Security: If giving her money puts your financial security at risk, it’s not advisable. Your financial stability should be your priority.
  3. Emotional Manipulation: Be wary if the request for money feels like emotional manipulation. If lending money is tied to guilt or emotional strings, it’s a red flag.
  4. Impeding Her Independence: By not giving her money, you encourage her to find independence and strength, important for her growth post-breakup.
  5. Potential for Misuse: If there are concerns about how she will use the money, especially if there were issues with financial responsibility during the relationship, it’s wise to refrain.
  6. Complicating the Breakup: Providing financial support can complicate the breakup process, blurring the boundaries and potentially leading to mixed signals and unresolved emotions.
  7. Legal and Tax Implications: Be aware of any legal or tax implications of giving significant sums of money, especially if it’s not documented as a loan.
  8. Setting a Precedent: Giving her money once might set a precedent, leading to repeated requests and an ongoing financial tie that’s difficult to sever.
  9. Impact on New Relationships: If you’re in a new relationship, consider how this decision might impact your current partner. It’s important to maintain transparency and respect in your current relationship.

Should You Get Back With An Ex That Often Asks You For Money?

Getting back with an ex who consistently asks for money is generally inadvisable, primarily because it suggests the relationship could be driven by financial dependency rather than genuine affection. Constant financial requests can point to imbalanced power dynamics, where emotional connections are overshadowed by monetary transactions.

This setup can lead to an unhealthy relationship where emotional needs are secondary to financial ones. Furthermore, it raises concerns about the sustainability of the relationship and whether both partners’ needs are being met equitably.

However, there could be situations where reuniting might still be considered. For example, if the money requests were situational, linked to a temporary crisis, and your ex has since worked towards financial stability, it might not be a major concern in the future relationship.

Additionally, if both partners have openly discussed their financial situations and have come to a mutual understanding or arrangement that respects both parties’ boundaries and needs, it could be feasible. The key is ensuring that any past issues around money have been resolved and that both partners are entering the relationship with clear, healthy intentions and mutual respect.


Deciding whether to give your ex-girlfriend money is a decision that requires careful consideration of the motives, implications, and personal boundaries. It’s important to assess the situation objectively, consider your financial position, and understand the potential impact on both your emotional well-being and financial stability.

If you choose to help, ensure it’s done with clear boundaries and terms, and if you decide against it, communicate your decision respectfully and firmly. Remember, your financial and emotional health should always be a priority, and maintaining clear boundaries post-breakup is crucial for moving on and establishing a healthy independence for both parties.

The Expert’s Corner: 12 FAQs on Dealing with an Ex Who Frequently Asks for Money

  1. Why does my ex keep asking me for money?
    • Your ex might be experiencing financial difficulties, or it could indicate a dependency that developed during the relationship. It’s important to understand the context of these requests.
  2. Should I give my ex money?
    • It depends on the circumstances. If it’s a one-off situation due to an emergency, you might consider it. However, regularly giving money can create unhealthy dependencies.
  3. How do I say no without feeling guilty?
    • Be honest and firm. Explain that while you care about their well-being, you are not in a position to provide financial assistance. Setting clear boundaries is healthy for both parties.
  4. Could giving money to my ex affect my current relationship?
    • Yes, it could. Providing financial support to an ex can create complications and misunderstandings in a current relationship. It’s important to consider how this might impact your current partner.
  5. What if my ex threatens me if I don’t give money?
    • If threats are involved, it’s a serious matter. Do not engage and consider seeking legal advice. Your safety and well-being should always come first.
  6. Is it okay to lend money if my ex promises to pay back?
    • Even if there’s a promise to pay back, lending money can still complicate the post-breakup dynamics. If you decide to lend, make sure to have a clear agreement about repayment.
  7. Why do I feel obligated to give money?
    • Feelings of obligation can stem from emotional ties, guilt, or the dynamics of your past relationship. Recognize your own boundaries and prioritize your financial well-being.
  8. Can giving money lead to my ex expecting more in the future?
    • Yes, it can set a precedent. If you give money once, your ex might expect you to do so again, leading to a cycle of dependency.
  9. How can I support my ex without giving money?
    • Offer emotional support, advice, or guidance to resources that can help them become financially independent. Sometimes, non-monetary support is more beneficial.
  10. Should I discuss this situation with my current partner?
    • Transparency is important in a relationship. Discussing this with your current partner can ensure there are no misunderstandings and you can make a decision together.
  11. What if my ex is using guilt to make me give money?
    • Using guilt is a form of emotional manipulation. Recognize this tactic and respond by setting firm boundaries. It’s not your responsibility to solve their financial issues.
  12. How do I stop feeling responsible for my ex’s financial situation?
    • Understand that everyone is responsible for their financial well-being. Your responsibility ended with the relationship. Focusing on your own financial stability is crucial.	

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