By Chris Seiter

Published on October 2nd, 2022

So let’s say that you and your ex are no longer an item.  Naturally, there will come a time when you will start to wonder if your ex girlfriend is seeing someone else.

Perhaps she said something that triggered this question in your mind.  Or maybe you are not on speaking terms, but you can’t help but think obsessively about if she is dating another guy.

Or god forbid, what if she is having sex with some other dude. Is this something you need to know?

Whatever triggered these thoughts and questions about your ex-girlfriend’s dating habits, you probably can’t rid yourself of the feeling that you must know, right?

So should you ask her?

Well, let me give you the short answer.  Then over the course of the rest of this post, I am going to lay out 5 reasons why you should or should not ask your ex girlfriend if she is dating or has a new boyfriend.

OK, so here is the brief answer as to how you should roll with the question of ask or don’t ask her:

It would be far wiser of you to avoid the topic of your ex girlfriend’s dating habits, particularly if she has a new boyfriend, for multiple reasons including your overall strategic plan to get her back as well as maintaining a positive emotional balance.

Now you may think that you are going insane by not knowing what she is up to.  But if you really think about it and start pulling on that thread of you having to know if she is doing this or that, you ultimately will end up finding even more questions that needle and pester you.

Sometimes it is better to accept you can’t control what your ex is doing.  Here are five reasons that drive home that point.

Five Reasons Why You Should Not Ask Your Ex Girlfriend If She Is Seeing Someone Else

When a breakup happens, our emotions can get the best of us causing a certain sense of paranoia about a great many things.

Questions flash through our minds and among them is whether the girl we so cherished is now with another guy.

As we toil with that possibility, invariably it is not surprising that we begin to question whether we should simply confront our ex girlfriend about whether she is making herself available to other guys.

I would recommend you don’t go there and here are five reason why not.

1. Questioning Your Ex About Her Dating Habits Could Violate the No Contact Rule

First and foremost, if you have an ex recovery game plan, chances are that you should be implementing a no contact strategy.

In the long run, by breaking no contact to call or text her about whether she is seeing someone else, you end up doing damage to your chances.

As you will see as you read on, there can be some negative fallout from posing such a question to her.

At the very least, she might resent that you would be thinking along those lines and as a result, you could find yourself in deeper trouble.

2. Don’t Put Yourself in the Position as Being Portrayed As the Jealous Type

Consider the possibility that your ex girlfriend is seeking to make you jealous.

In effect, she made have laid down a jealousy trap and by asking about her dating status you stepped right into the middle of the trap.

Now in the long run, it probably doesn’t hurt your chances significantly if she sees that you are showing some jealousy.  If she wants you back, then this is her way of gauging how much you care about her.

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Nevertheless, your game plan for getting her back should not be designed around giving her the satisfaction that you are madly jealous.

By the way, jealousy is not an easy emotion to control. So if you step into that trap, you may end up getting yourself twisted all up emotionally and that could lead to you doing or saying something that you regret.

3. If You Seek Some Peace of Mind Don’t Get Caught Up By What Your Ex Girlfriend Is Doing With Her Time

The reality of most breakups is that they can last for a long period of time.

Sometimes the couple never gets back together.  But since we are operating on the assumption that you are seeking to optimize your chances, then you need to accept that your ex girlfriend may very well test the field and sometimes that is what it takes for her to appreciate more the positive aspects you brought to the relationship.

So do yourself a favor and focus more of your time on seeking peace and focusing on achieving your personal development goals.

Don’t dwell on those things you can’t control.  Only with some peace of mind will you see clearly the path forward.

4. By Trying To Control Your Ex You End Up Giving Her More Reasons to Explore the Field

To often I have seen angry and disturbed guys get themselves all bent out of shape because their ex-girlfriend has indicated they may want to date.

In my ex recovery Program, I discuss the impact of what I call push-pull theory.  In essence, the more you push your ex girlfriend not to do something, the more she will pull away from you and want to do the very thing that is driving you nuts.

Accept that you are not going to do yourself in favors if you seek to control her every decision.

You should also consider the possibility that she is purposely pulling your strings to elicit a response.

Maybe she is doing it in spite.  If that is the case, then your focus should be less on her love life, but what has caused things to devolve to such a state that your ex is openly being spiteful.

The bottom line is that seldom do things end well when you seek to control her life about what she can do with her time.

5. Asking About Your Ex’s Love Life Could Backfire In a Big Way

So let’s say you ignore my advice and decide you have to know what she is up to.

So you break no contact and start sending her texts about whether she is seeing someone.

Maybe you heard a rumor about her love life and have to know whether it’s true.

Or perhaps you are going crazy with the notion that she could be thinking of dating.

Given any of those scenarios, do you think she will feel obliged to tell you?

And if she does answer your questions about her intentions, would you believe it?

Or what if you hear the very thing that you have feared all along.  Do you think you will be able to control yourself and not say something absolutely horrible?

You see, once you start prying and picking into this question, you can open up Pandora’s box and before you know it, things go from bad to worse in a big way.	

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