By Chris Seiter

Updated on October 26th, 2022

I believe in tackling problems head on so I am going to be blunt…

I know your worst nightmare…

The thing that keeps you up at night…

I know all about that deep pain you have inside your chest….

I know about your hurt…

Your constant worry…

Oh, and I am not talking about your recent breakup with your ex girlfriend.

I am talking about the fact that your ex girlfriend keeps telling you that she loves you “post breakup” and yet she still hasn’t committed to you.

You are worried that she may be stringing you along...

Playing with your feelings…

That she really doesn’t mean it…

And that is what we are here to find out.

Lets find out what the hell is going on in your ex girlfriends mind once and for all.

Now, I know you may feel a little hesitant since you are reading this on the internet and “common knowledge” says that everyone and everything on the internet are lies and you should run the other way…


But before you take off sprinting let me tell you a little bit my website.

This is Ex Girlfriend Recovery…

I know what you are thinking,

“Umm… Chris is that supposed to mean something to us?”

Ha ha ha…

Ya, perhaps I should of led with the fact that EGR (Ex Girlfriend Recovery) is widely known as the,

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Figuring out what the hell is going on in your ex girlfriends head during and after a breakup website.

I guess what I am trying to tell you is that you came to the right place and I am definitely not going to try to spam you with a bunch of ads or money grabs…

Well, except this one,


No I am just kidding 😉 .

But I do have a book I sell… Oh wait, I promised I wouldn’t do that.

Ok, lets get to the real reason that you are here.

You want to figure out why your ex girlfriend keeps telling you that she loves you but she still won’t commit to you.

It doesn’t make sense does it?

I mean, to us men if you say you love someone it only makes sense if you enter into a romantic relationship with that person, right?

Here let me give you an example,

Sarah tells Johnny that she loves him,

Screen shot 2012-07-16 at 6.48.46 PM

As a result of Sarah telling Johnny that she loves him the two end up entering into a romantic relationship together,

Screen shot 2012-07-16 at 6.48.46 PM


To me..

To you…

And it should make sense to everyone.

BUT (you knew the but was coming didn’t you) we aren’t dealing with everyone here now are we?

No, we are dealing with women.

And women don’t think like us men.

You see, men think in very straightforward terms but women don’t do that.

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They think sideways…

In octagons…


And zig zags…

So, if you want to get to the bottom of what the hell is going on in your ex girlfriends mind you are going to have to start thinking that way. Instead of thinking in the traditional manner that you are used to you are going to have to open your mind to a strange mindset.

What’s the deal with this strange mindset?

Well, I like to call it,

“How Women Define Love”

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The Strange Mindset: How Women Define Love

love me

Now, I suppose it is a bit presumptuous of me to assume that you are like me when it comes to love but I am going to do it.


Well, I feel I am a pretty good gauge on how the average man views those three special words,

I Love You

You see, to me those three little words change everything.

Once you say them to someone they can’t be taken back.

It’s an indication that the feelings you feel for that person are so strong that you are willing to potentially marry them.

In other words, I don’t take those words lightly and I think in my entire life I have only said them five people and three of those people were related to me by blood.

This is how men view love.

They view it as something sacred…

Something that shouldn’t be thrown around easily…

But what about women?

How do women view love?

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Well, in order to understand that you must first grasp the concept of their being more than one type of love.

The More Than One Love Concept

theres more

Here is where the spirals and the zig zags of a woman’s view of love come into play.

To us men there is only one type of romantic love that should be said to a person who you could potentially have a romantic relationship with.

But to women there are many (and not all of them are romantic.)

Let me give you a few examples.

  • I Love You (Translation: Your My Best Friend)
  • I Love You (Translation: You Make Me Laugh So Much)
  • I Love You (Translation: You Are An Important Person To Me)
  • I Love You (Translation: Your Like My Big Brother)

Man, who knew three little words can have so many different meanings when women say them.

I suppose you want me to expand on each of these translations and if you may have fallen victim to one of them from your ex, huh?

Ok, lets start from the top.

I Love You (Translation: Your My Best Friend)

The key to understanding these translations is to understand the context that they were said in.

Oh, and also understanding the tone is important.

Let me give you an example.

If I were a woman and we were friends and you did something really funny then I might jokingly say,

“Haha I love you”

In a very joking type of way.

Now, does that mean that I really truly love you from the bottom of my heart?

No, it just means that I really adore you as a friend.

Speaking of laughing…

I Love You (Translation: You Make Me Laugh So Much)

Strangely I stole this one from my wife.

I know that seems weird but bear with me here.

Sometimes when I make my wife laugh A LOT she says,

“I love you”

But the tone is the key here.

She says it in a way that isn’t necessarily loving but appreciative.

Sort of like,


I am so glad you made me laugh. I love that feeling of laughter and I love you for giving it to me.

Now, does that mean that she wants to become intimate with me immediately?

Nope… BUT it does score points for later 😉 .

I Love You (Translation: You Are An Important Person To Me)

We get this “I Love You” a lot here at Ex Girlfriend Recovery.

A certain portion of women want to remain friends after a breakup.

BUT most men don’t want to be friends after a breakup.

So, if you put yourself in a woman’s shoes what is the one thing you can say to ensure that the person that you do want to see more of won’t leave you forever?

“I Love You” seems ideal, right?

But this one is hard to dissect because it will sound like the real thing.

There is no jokey or appreciative tone accompanying it.

My best piece of advice here is to not jump to any conclusions when you receive an “I Love You.” Instead, study what happens next.

If she really did mean it in a romantic way then she won’t reject your attempts to solidify a relationship.

I Love You (Translation: Your Like My Big Brother)

To be honest this “I Love You” is easy to dissect.


Because it is usually accompanied with a phrase like,

“I love you. Your like the big brother I never had…”

Ya…. that is never what you want to hear especially after dating and being romantic with that person.

moment of silence

The friend zone sucks!

But Chris, what if she tells you that she loves you like a member of her family?



moment of silence

Ok, well what if she tells me that she loves me that she loves me more than any friend she has had in her entire life?


Are you serious?

friend zone

I think you get the point.

What you are striving for here is real romantic love.

Lets define that now.

Real Romantic Love

To be honest I don’t feel that I need to define this for you because you actually had a taste of what her “romantic love” felt like.

Essentially the entire goal of this article is to achieve romantic love from your ex girlfriend.

But how?

Well, your ex girlfriend has already told you that she loved you which I will admit is better than nothing.

BUT she hasn’t committed which is a problem.

So what can we do?

Well, I am going to leave our strategy in the capable hands of my good friend Albert Einstein.

albert Einstein

Hahaha… ok, all kidding aside did you know that Albert Einstein once said,

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

You can’t keep doing the same thing you are currently doing when it comes to your ex girlfriend and expect her to “all of a sudden” commit to you.

Something is going to have to change.

Still not convinced?

Well, get off your high horse and accept reality.

The way things are… you will never get her to commit.

Look at it like a math problem.

No matter how hard you try you can’t make 1 + 1 = 3.

Nope, you are going to have to change something.

(In the math problem’s case you are going to have to change one of the 1’s into a 2.

1 + 2 = 3

So, Lets Shake Things Up A Bit 😉

First things first…

I am issuing a few decrees and taking over your life for a little bit.

Is that ok with you?



Ok, first decree.

DECREE ONE: Under No Circumstances Will You Continue To Be Used For Emotional Support Anymore


I want you to take a moment and study the “more than one love” section above.

Do you see any common correlation between all the different definitions of the “I love you’s?”

Basically an underlying reason for why your ex girlfriend told you that she loved you is to make sure she doesn’t lose you.

Why wouldn’t she want to lose you?

Well by golly… it’s because you are such a gosh darn good listener!

Hahaha… ok I won’t do that stupid voice again I promise.

My wife and I just welcomed our first child into the world last September and let me tell you babies are A LOT of work.

They have to be constantly tended to.

  • They cry… you tend.
  • They whine… you tend.
  • They whimper… you tend.

You basically continue this behavior until they reach a certain age when they become a bit more self sufficient.

Do you see where I am going with this?

Right now you are in the role of a parent tending to a baby (your ex girlfriend) who is using you for emotional support.

And as much as I know it’s going to hurt you to hear this because lets be honest… it’s great being the big strong man who comes to the rescue you can no longer rescue your ex girlfriend.

Here is how I look at this.

When you are dating someone then you should pour your all into the relationship every single time. This includes being there for emotional support. However, when you are broken up then you are no longer obligated to be there for emotional support. So, show your ex that there are consequences to not being with you.

In other words, don’t reinforce the fact that she can count on you for emotional support even if she doesn’t date you.

It’s like reinforcing bad behavior in a toddler.

What will this accomplish?

When women are considering dating a man they are a lot more complex in their selection process than we are.

We are actually really simple…

If we see a girl that makes us go,


It’s a sure bet that we’d date her.

Women on the other hand rely on more than just looks.

So, while they do look at the looks of a man they are also looking for qualities like,

  • Can He Provide For Me
  • Long Term Capabilities
  • Intimacy
  • Support

You see that I put support in “bold” right?

Well, by taking support off the table with your ex girlfriend (who you aren’t dating) you are effectively putting yourself in a position where you are a better pitch to her.

What do I mean by that?

Imagine that in a month or two your ex girlfriend starts to consider you for dating material again.

Well, when she is going through this internal choice in her head on whether to date you again you want her to come to this conclusion,

“I really miss the support he gave me.”

Do you see the method to my madness now?

DECREE TWO: Self Improvement Is A Must (Use The Holy Trinity)

Ah self improvement.


You’re aware of the Holy Trinity right?

I’m not getting biblical on you here. The holy trinity is an actual thing that you can use to improve your own life that has nothing to do with the bible.

Here take a look at this graphic.


Do you see it?

Here, let me help you out a bit.


Do you see that point right in the middle between health, wealth and relationships?

Ya… that’s where health wealth and relationships intersect.

Think of it as the ultimate point where you find a perfect balance in your life.


Maybe I should create another graphic.

Ok, imagine a bar graph that is completely even.


Each of the little bars above represent your commitment to each aspect of the holy trinity.

Notice how all the bars are completely equal?

Yes, that’s because finding a path in life where you can dedicate equal time to health, wealth and relationships is like finding the holy grail.

holy grail

Oh, and for those of you who think it’s easy to dedicate an equal amount of time to the three aspects let me tell you something… it’s not.

What proof do I have?

Lets take a look at my life.

Recently my wife and I just welcomed our firstborn child to the world.


Lovely… Lovely… Lilly.

And by lovely I mean it’s lovely how loud she cries.

But more on that in a second.

I have always found that I function best when I am accomplishing things in the three areas of the the holy trinity above.

For example, when I workout I feel great (health)…

It energizes me and makes me want to write for you folks (wealth.)

And I absolutely love it when everyone in my family is happy (relationships.)

That’s how my perfect world would be.

That’s what “firing on all cylinders” would look like.

Unfortunately that’s not my life right now.


Because of all the lovely crying ;).

You see, right now we depend on my ability to work for money and that means it’s important that I spend a lot of time working for you folks! And in theory that’s great but when you have a crying baby at home thats not the easiest thing in the world. And then when I see my wife struggling to put the baby to bed I feel bad and want to lend a helping hand. In fact, I feel so bad sometimes that my wife is locked inside watching the baby I purposefully skip going to the gym so everyone is happy. Of course, all these types of distractions (on top of being off balance) prevents me from being productive at work sometimes.

I guess you could say my graph looks a little like this,


You see, I am spending so much time on the relationships in my life that the other aspects are suffering.

That’s just how it goes.

Ideally every aspect of the holy trinity will get equal attention but giving it equal attention is one of the hardest things to accomplish.

Thus, that’s what I want you to focus on.

I want you to take these three areas of life and do things that are positive in each of the areas.

Try to find that perfect balance.

Why is this important?

Well, I don’t know how to explain it other than this.

Lets pretend you have two men.

Man A and Man B.

man a and b

Man A is pretty darn awesome. He has unlocked the secret to balancing the holy trinity. He devotes equal time to health, wealth and relationsihps and overall I would classify him as an extremely content person.

happy sitck figure

Man B on the other hand, well… he has some work to do.

He devotes all of his time to wealth.

He is obsessed with his job and nothing ever can compete with that.

Now, while man B has amassed a great fortune his health and relationships are deteriorating.

Man B working

Let me ask you.

Logically, to a woman, which man is going to appear more attractive?

It will definitely be the man who has balanced the holy trinity.

In other words…

Finding A Balance With The Holy Trinity = Being More Attractive To Women

Now, are you ready to shake things up?

The “Hot And Cold” Method

hot cold

You are in a unique situation where you have no problem getting your ex girlfriend to admit to her feelings about you (she told you that she loves you) but when push comes to shove she just won’t commit.

That’s why you are here, right?

To get her to commit to you in a relationship.

Well, like I said, it’s time to shake things up.

Above I told you that you can’t expect to keep doing the same things over and over again and get her to commit to you. We have to change something.

And you know what that something is?

It’s how you are perceived.

But first lets back up.

Lets try to take an objective look at your situation and what your ex girlfriend is doing to you.

She tells you to love you… but that’s it. No relationship comes after she tells you that she loves you and you probably aren’t “getting any.”

I’m not going to lie. It’s a real crappy situation to be in.

Do you see it yet?

“What the hell are you talking about Chris?”



See it now?


Ok, allow me to elaborate.

Your ex girlfriend tells you that she loves you (HOT) and then after she tells you she loves you she doesn’t commit to you (COLD.)

See it now?

light bulb


So, what can you do to turn the tables or flip the script?

Well, to understand that we first must understand what your ex is doing to you.

Lets pretend that your ex is fishing on a boat. She casts her line with bait on it and gets a fish to bite.

Do you see where I am going with this?


So, her getting you to bite on the line is the equivalent of her telling you that she loves you.

Of course, if you have ever fished before then you would know that in order to catch a fish you have to pull the line in gradually.

You let it go….

And then pull it in…

Let it go…

Pull it in…

Now, as our metaphorical fish in this instant you don’t want to get pulled in. You just want to eat the bait and then be freed.

However, that will never happen as long as she has you on her line.

And by playing with you…

With this constant.. In and out routine with her line you are going to be stuck in limbo land forever.

So, how can we flip the script and make her the fish?

Flip The Script

Well, dissonance theory has taught us that the harder that something is to achieve or accomplish the more “in demand” that thing becomes. Not only that but the more appreciative a person will become once they achieve that thing.

And even though I couldn’t find any scientific studies to back my hypothesis up I think there is definitely a correlation between how hard something is to achieve and attraction.

Lets take Brad Pitt as an example.

Brad Pitt is a very good looking guy.

However, is he the most handsome man in the world?

No, that right is reserved for this guy right here,


Just kidding.

(Kind of…)

Anyways, I am sure there are regular guys out there that are just as good looking as Brad Pitt. So, lets pretend that we were to find an average joe who had the same level of looks as Brad Pitt and trotted both of them out in front of 100 women.

Who do you think the vast majority of women are going to pick?

100 women

Brad Pitt of course and it’s not because he has better looks than me… ahem… I mean the fake guy I just made up that has equal looks to Pitt.

Why though?

Well, it’s because Pitt is a movie star and his perceived value is higher.

In other words, he is going to be harder to get than me… ahem… I mean than the fake guy with equal looks.

So, what’s the point of this exercise?

Simple, it’s to prove to you that you need to become harder to get than you are right now.

What’s the best way to do that.


Look, your ex girlfriend has you so desperate you are probably willing to do anything to get her to commit to you. How did she accomplish this?

By pulling you in with something that makes you think you have a chance (HOT) and then pushing you away when she won’t commit (COLD.) So, why not do something similar to her?

Give her a taste of her own medicine.

How are you going to do this?

Well, usually you start off by promising something to warm your target up.

Take this article for example.

I just promised to teach you how to implement the hot and cold routine. This warms you up and gets you interested. Now, just when your target is at their peak interest point is when you turn from hot to cold.

For example,

😉 .	

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