My Ex Girlfriend “Friend Zoned” Me… What Do I Do?

You just clicked on an article that has the word “friend zone” in the title. I am going to take a wild guess and assume that you know what being “friend zoned” is.

Although, there is always that chance that you could have seen the title and gone,

“What the heck is a friend zone? I’m going to check this out.”

In which case, I can only wonder what rock you’ve been living under.

Let me enlighten you.

I’ve heard a lot more uttering of the term “Friend Zone” these days.

The friend zone is this imaginary little place that we’ve created over the last couple of years to make ourselves feel better about not being chosen to be someone’s significant other. Generally speaking, the person proclaiming that they have been “friend zoned” is dealing with the not so rare affliction of being butt-hurt.

For most women, the goal of dating is to find someone you’re compatible with and that you want to spend the foreseeable future with.

If we were required to say yes to every single person that wanted to date us, I would literally have a harem of men. Seriously, I would have about 373 boyfriends right now… all at the same time. That’s just too many. I can hardly handle having one, let alone hundreds.

So when a guy, whines that I put him in the friend zone, I’m a lot less likely to give two hoots.

hoot

However, for the sake of our topic today, we will be addressing the situation of couples who have been together for at least a little while, if not a long while, in which you, the guy, are still feeling it.

Whereas the girl in question has ended the relationship with the manhood shriveling phrase,

“Let’s just be friends.”

In this situation, it’s not a matter of being chosen.

Hell, you were already chosen and now that, that relationship has come to an end she has suggested that you stay friends.

I don’t know about you, but I always feel like they’re kind of putting their friendship out there as a sort of consolation prize.

Okay so maybe it’s not THAT bad, but you get the idea.

That feeling when she threw that line out there.

“I think we should split up, but I hope we can still be friends.”

You know what feeling I mean.

It probably felt like you cannon balled straight into an icy pool in the dead of winter while simultaneously getting sucker punched in the jaw with no warning.

And let’s face it, it generally sucks.

The Two Different Routes You Took To Get To This Point

crossroad

Here are the two different routes you could have taken to get to this point:

  1. You started out as friends and decided to take a risk and see if it could be something more
  2. You started off dating without having been friends before.

Either way you find yourself in the same predicament and are now asking yourself,

‘How did I wind up here?”

Now, in some situations staying friends might actually make sense. One of these circumstances would be if you share a friend-base, meaning that you are going to be around each other still. This offering of friendship is more like a peace treaty, an agreement to be civil.

In my opinion, that isn’t unreasonable. You don’t want to become the jerk every time she’s around. Eventually your friends wouldn’t even want to be around you. You don’t want to have to avoid her constantly either and feel like you have to leave every time she shows up to a friend gathering.

In my opinion, accepting these terms after a break up is acceptable. It will simply make both of your lives easier.

Things will be awkward regardless, but by deciding to stay friends, you are creating a tiny boundary of civility. Should you accept these terms and decide that staying friends and no more is fine with you, then eventually the two of you may even find some comfort-ability in the friendship.

I doubt that the two of you will be those types of friends that call each other just to chat, get together for brunch, or hold hands and skip.

If you are still harboring feelings for her, you’ll have to accept that there will always be an underlying pain there until those fade. But knowing that up front will make it easier to deal with it.

You see, this isn’t a true friend-zone situation.

It’s more comparable to a baseball player’s team not renewing his contract or sending him to the minor leagues.

Say the two of you had been friends before you dated.

I can understand her asking you to go back to being her friend.

It was a risk you took, losing the friendship in lieu of seeing where a relationship with her would go. Now, here you are, it hasn’t panned out and your friendship is hanging in the balance.

It doesn’t matter if you were dating for three months.

It doesn’t matter if you were dating three years.

Something happened that made her go,

“Man, I would much rather have my friend back than be with this person romantically any longer.”

What that something was, I have no idea.

But I can help you figure it out.

What Went Wrong In Your Relationship With Her

aliens

So, let’s look back at your relationship. A large majority of you would tell me that you were completely blindsided. You did not expect to be dumped at all!
I’ll tell you this right now, most dumpees don’t.

However, if you will rewind and take a closer look at your relationship you can see subtle clues that were happening right under your nose that you were missing.

Let me tell you what we are looking for.

At some point in the relationship, she started to pull away.

Women can be many things, but straightforward isn’t usually one of them.

We expect you to read our minds and pick up on our subtle clues.

While you’re looking back for that turning point in your relationship, here are some things to look for:

She stopped telling you when exciting things happened. You were likely to find out through a friend or third party.
If you two normally went to bed at the same time, and suddenly they are out of sync for no apparent reason.

She started watching that show you binge watched together alone.

Your plans became tentative rather than set in stone.

She started staying places longer instead of coming straight home like normal.

She stopped asking your opinion on things.

Little things like this are tell-tale signs, but while we’re on the inside of the relationship, it’s impossible for us to see them.

Let me explain further.

We have this little sushi place here that is… something else.

When they built it, they basically created an environment that made you feel like you were in a small town anymore.

When you walk in, you are transported to another place and it created a kind of escape of sorts.

Now, from a marketing point of view, this is momentous! This restaurant’s patrons are receiving a tiny vacation for the price of dinner.

With that kind of reward system, their patrons are going to keep going back! It’s guaranteed success.

Okay.

I got a little off track.

What I was trying to get across is that this building, from the outside, looks like a bunch of cubes and rectangles and decks just shoved together and painted bold red, black, and silver. There’s a lot going on inside, 8 areas all with stuff going on.

They even have a big sign out from highlighting what is going on that evening.

Standing outside and watching people going in, and listening, you can tell what kinds of parties are going on, what kind of live music is playing. You can even smell whether they are grilling or not.

However, all you can see is the room you’re in. You can be standing in the main bar and never know that there are seven parties going on upstairs, in the lounges, or on the patios.

Stick with me while I bring this home.

Standing inside the bar, you can’t see that this building is this insane collection of geometric shapes all smashed together.

It’s easy to forget.

I’ll be honest, when I walk out and look back I am always standing there in awe for a second, going,

“Is that the building I was just in?”

Now, being in a relationship is like being in that bar. Everything looks great, you’re having fun, and everything seems perfectly fine.
In your current situation, it’s almost like your ex came in like a bouncer and booted you out, yelling as she kicked,

“Let’s stay friends though!!”

While you were inside, the building around you could be crumbling. You were blissfully unaware.

Now that you’re looking back at the building, you aren’t seeing a super cool restaurant, you’re seeing a building that is falling apart.

From the inside, your relationship seemed fine. But you were missing the full picture of it starting to fall apart or shift.

I know that was a long way to go about explaining it, but when things start to shift, they can disguise themselves as something else. Or, moreover, we misread what’s happening. It’s what my mom calls seeing the world through rose-colored glasses.

(Something about an old song and being in love, but I digress.)

In my last relationship, I went through something similar, where he started getting a little distant and I mistook that for us just getting more comfortable with each other. Little did I know, he had developed a crush on someone else.

Now, because I wasn’t on the outside of the relationship, I couldn’t see what was happening till it was too late.
Now his friends, who were around us all the time, could tell that things were fading on his end. But me, I was clueless.

I can look back now and see all of the different ways he was pulling back. You can do the same with your relationship and pinpoint the moment when that began.

I urge you not to blame yourself for not seeing it sooner, because no one does.

I hear from hundreds of people a week that say,

“I didn’t see this coming!”

There are thousands of songs written about not seeing it coming.

Didn't See That Coming

It’s no fault to you.

A Different Perspective

Now I know that Chris has written an article on this subject before. So, I get that I’m treading on territory that’s already been explored.

However, I’m coming at it from a different angle.

That’s right! There is one insight I have on this that Chris doesn’t have.

I’m a chick.

chick

No! Not THAT kind of chick!

Whaaaaaaaaaat?!

No way, right?!

As a woman who has both been friend zoned and put men in the friend zone, I can with all certainty give you insight as to the reasons why she may have chosen to friend zone you in the first place.

Now the way I see it, you can either give up, or keep pressing forward. It’s up to you.

I give you one of my favorite quotes by Norah Roberts,

“If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it.

If you don’t ask, the answer is always no.

If you don’t step forward, you’ll always be standing in the same place.”

Let’s Jump Right in

Why in the world would she friend zone you when mere days, weeks, months ago she was holding your hand and calling you her boyfriend?

Well, first of all, you guys already dated! So you know that, at some point, she found something about you redeeming enough to say,

“Yeah, he’s alright enough to call mine.”

So there’s that.

The thing is, somewhere along the way, she looked at you and went,

“I can’t do this anymore.”

Somewhere in between those two points, she stopped seeing you as a viable romantic partner. The rose colored glasses that we see our mates through shattered and fell away.

There are a few things that cause this.

  1. You actually started exhibiting behavior or traits that she didn’t find redeemable or attractive.
  2. She found herself attracted to someone else and she began comparing you to them.
  3. She compared your relationship to one of her friend’s or to a fictional one and realized she had higher expectations. (I find this one is more common that you would think.)
  4. She just realized that the relationship wasn’t going where she wanted it to and is most likely only offering you her friendship to keep you from flipping out about her not wanting to be romantically tangled with you anymore. (This one will take a little more work that the others.)

Whatever reason it was, she stopped finding every little thing about you to be irresistible and opted to reassign you the title of “Friend.”

bff

Now, that first one there is most common. So that it where I’m going to focus the rest of this discussion.

The reasoning behind that is, simply put, at the beginning of the relationship you don’t exactly put your cards out on the table. 
You lay your face cards out so she can see them and hug those pesky lower cards and jokers close to the chest.

You want her to see the side of you that is your best, so you hide your worst.

You guard her from these things.

You don’t want her to know that you don’t always put your laundry in the hamper or that you still have underwear from high school populating your drawers. (You know the ones your mom wrote your name is so all those underwear thieves didn’t run off with them.)

Over time, depending on the longevity of the relationship, she probably started to see these things that you were holding back at the beginning.

A woman in love will overlook even the worst of habits.

I was actually talking to a friend of mine who has a crush on another friend of ours and she has essentially friend zoned him. The deal with them is that she just doesn’t see him romantically. If they were to date, it would most likely end in her dumping him, citing “let’s just be friends.” Why? Because they are friends now and it would simply be her way of trying to return to what she considers to be normal.

Now, in your case she DID see you romantically.

So I challenge you to find that Apex, where everything culminated before taking that turn downhill. Find the moment when she started to see the parts of you that maybe weren’t that great and she started to pull away.

Like I was telling my friend, and I’ll go ahead and tell you so you’ll know for any future relationships, you have to hold those not-so-flattering traits back until she becomes attached. You want her to basically be engrossed in the relationship.

There are some habits that are like turning of a massive switch determining whether we, as women, are attracted to a guy at all.

Let me tell you a story.

In College, I dated this guy.

Let’s call him, Ted.

I was only kind of into Ted. We had been dating a little over four months at the time. He didn’t have a lot of common sense. He was book smart and was studying microbiology. He wasn’t incredibly good looking. He didn’t really have many redeemable qualities. So when he pulled what he pulled that day…

You know what. Let me just tell you the story.

We headed out to grab a quick and early lunch at Buffalo Wild Wings with our friend Patrick. It was midsummer so I overlooked the fact that he was already pretty buzzed when I got there at around noon., although Patrick seemed a little annoyed about it.

That day Ted was an absolute ass to our server.

He ordered the “wings and strips baskets.”

So when she brought him the Wings and Strips Combo Basket, he let her have it. He wanted two separate Baskets! He absolutely couldn’t understand how she mistook “wing and strips baskets” for “A wing and Strip Basket.”

So, he called her an idiot and made her cry.

I put a stop to that right then and there and told him to cut it out.
To make matters worse, he was embarrassed that Pat and I got onto him so he went and sat in his car while we finished our meals.

Don’t worry we took his keys.

This meant that, not only did I have to babysit a drunk butthead, I had to pay for his 5 beers, both of our lunches and then gave our server a hefty tip for him making her cry.

Came out to about $80… FOR LUNCH!

The cost was higher for him though. He lost the entire relationship.

Now, I have a weird way of viewing the world. I am close friends with most of my exes. Often times, people go,

“I just don’t know how you do that.”

I always tell them,

“Look, I can be friends with a jerk. I just won’t to date one.”

So, being friends with your ex isn’t entirely undoable. It’s just uncomfortable at first.

Maybe I’m just a little weird. I don’t know.

But it is DOABLE.

If she saw redeemable qualities in you before she dated you, those qualities didn’t just disappear.

So there has to be some reason that overshadowed those redeemable qualities, and the only person who can figure out what that was is you.
Once you find out what that is you have to figure out if it is something about yourself that you are willing to change.

I have plenty of people that tell me,

“Oh I would do ANYTHING to get her back!”

However, when I suggest changing something about themselves, it becomes,

“That’s too tough. Anything else…”

meatloaf

To them, and to you, I suggest, you check out “The Power Of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and in Business.“, by Charles Duhigg. It’s a great read and helped me kick a lot of my own bad habits.

You see, my ex, Ted was a complete jerk to a server, our friend, and even me.

The way he acted spoke to his character.

It did not speak well.

I couldn’t spend one more minute with someone who treated people he supposedly cared about that way.

Will you ever get another chance?

Well you see, last year I ran into Ted.

Now, remember, I was never head-over-heels for Ted to begin with, and it had been several years.

However, we ran into each other out and about. He looked exactly the same. We stood there and caught up for a moment. He had gone on to start law school. He wasn’t sponging off his parents anymore. He was taking better care of himself. Suddenly I forgot why I dumped him. He seemed so nice.

So nice that when he asked if he could take me to dinner, I said yes.

So we went out, to kind of catch up and, low and behold, he was the same exact jerk I had dumped before.

He texted me a few days later to see if I wanted to go out again, and I responded,

turned down

To which he asked,

Why not?
To which I answered,

My Answer
That was when Ted and I went our separate ways. If he had just taken a little time and put forth a little effort to not be what my niece calls a “Jerkwad,” (I have a slightly more select range of descriptor terms for what he was.)

I may have given him a second chance. Not because he was good looking, or because he was super successful, but because we had fun together.

I need you to understand. When I say take 21 days to better yourself, I’m not saying try to make a transformation into some demi-god statuesque-type guy.

You’ll hurt yourself. And I don’t want to be responsible.

trapped under weight

Do Not Accept Your Newly Assigned Role

Let’s change gears for a second.

I want to address her offer of friendship.

If you want her back and you accept her proposal of being “Just Friends,” you are accepting and agreeing terms and conditions that you do not accept and you do not agree to.

You have to find a way, gracefully, to decline the invitation.

You have to be careful with this one. I know a guy who went through this twice and BOTH of his ex girlfriends accused him of never actually caring at all.

While making her slightly insecure could actually work in your favor, you don’t want her to be completely ticked off at you.

Try taking the brunt of the blame.

“I appreciate the offer to be friends, but I don’t think I’m emotionally ready to handle that right now.”

If you have already accepted her terms of friendship, you call or text her and say,

“I appreciate the offer to be friends, but I don’t think I’m emotionally ready to handle that right now.”

Simple as that.

This puts the blame on you and opens you up to come back into her life after you’ve followed the rest of our instructions. Not to mention, handling a crappy situation with grace makes you look good.

Employ the No Contact Rule

Now, I’m going to go out on a limb and assume that, since the breakup, you are still talking to her or trying to talk to her.

Unless you found us early on and you’ve already started No Contact.

If you don’t know what No Contact is, read about it here…

This article is jam-packed full of good information to get you well on your way to getting your ex back.

Still though.

A lot of people have trouble understanding no contact.

No Contact is basically just that… No Contact.

Here’s how Chris explains it.

The No Contact Rule- A specific period of time where you ignore your ex in every form imaginable. If he/she contacts you through text messages, calls or even the internet you ignore him/her.

No calls and no texts.

NOTHING.

For TWENTY-ONE days.

Yes, I said 21. No more than that or she’ll drift away, never to return.

Now if you share a kid, or you work together, or heaven forbid live together, that’s a little different. Go to the No Contact Article link above to get a little insight on how to deal with those situations.

During the first day or so, you are going to take a piece of paper and a pen and write down every single thing about you that she didn’t like. Even little things she kind of sort of hinted that she didn’t like. And then you’re going to add the ones you know she shouldn’t like just for good measure.

And you are going to pick out the ones that you are willing to alter that also make you a better version of you.

For instance, she hated that you bite your nails.

While that probably isn’t the deciding factor as to why she couldn’t spend another moment being your girlfriend. Combining it with a whole lot of other little things may have.

So take all of those things on your list, choose all of the ones that need to be changed and DO IT!

You are going to spend the next 21 days becoming that better version of yourself. Not just because she dumped you, but because you deserve to be the best version of you that you can be.

I feel like I should have pom-poms right now.

cheerleader

If you are completely against making any changes, then you’re probably better off moving on. Lucky for you, we cover that here too.

The 21 Days Are Up

It’s time to bite the bullet and reconnect with your ex.

Read this.

Do it!

I’ll wait.

Okay. So, now that you’re an expert on reconnecting with your ex. I am going to encourage you not to fall back into your old ways.

If you’re a fan of “How I Met Your Mother,” you know about Revertigo. If you haven’t watched the show, watch the video below.

So now that you are aware of the dangers of Revertigo. Just be on your toes and be prepared for anything. Don’t leave all that work you put in behind.

		

Written by EGR team mate

Chris Seiter

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87 Comments on "My Ex Girlfriend “Friend Zoned” Me… What Do I Do?"

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Ted
Guest

Hei, i already submitted a question but i want to ask for one more thing. What should be best? 1. What i told you above, being her friend, so she can see that i changed in a good way, or 2. tell her that this friends think is not working for me and start again with 21 days of no contact?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

You have to restart the nc because she has to think you’re not chasing her. Restart nc, do at least 30 days, be active in improving yourself and in posting and then continue that after nc while slowly rebuilding rapport. Don’t tell her you want her back right away.. Especially at the start of the process when you’re just in the text and calls phase.. Slowly rebuild rapport and attraction first. Usually you only ask for her back when you’re already romantic in the date phase.

Ted
Guest
Hello, i’ve been with this girl for 1 year. For the last 3 months of the relationship she had health problems. She started to avoid me a little bit, and i thought it is because of her sickness. We didn’t even saw each other for 1 and a half months but we were talking every day. I agree that i made some mistakes, by not being 100% helping her and some other things, but don’t think that i was a jerk or smth. I just think that she wanted more from me in that period. She started to be colder… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Ted,

You have to restart the nc because she has to think you’re not chasing her. Restart nc, do at least 30 days, be active in improving yourself and in posting and then continue that after nc while slowly rebuilding rapport. Don’t tell her you want her back right away.. Especially at the start of the process when you’re just in the text and calls phase.. Slowly rebuild rapport and attraction first. Usually you only ask for her back when you’re already romantic in the date phase.

Jeff
Guest

my partner in one message said “i think we should break up but remain good friends” to which i said “that is fine” and immediately went no contact as of 4 days ago. should i just remain no contact? Or should i send the “i appreciate the offer but i’m not emotionally ready for friendship right now” line and restart no contact?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jeff,

send that message instead and then restart the count of nc.

Charles
Guest
Hello Here’s the situation. My ex(19 years old) and I (20 years old) had been dating for 2.5 years and she decided to break it off after we had a car accident and I became emotionally withdrawn and she decided she couldn’t deal with it. Fueled by hurt and anger I started to fight with her but I deleted her number and apologised for what I said. It’s been 3 or 4 weeks since the break up and she talks to me a lot and if I ignore her she messages me atleast 3 or 4 times and called me… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Charles,

tell her the current situation is not workable for you, thank her for everything and then start nc..

Jeremy
Guest
My ex broke up with me 9 weeks ago after 3 years of relationship (with the last 6 months living together before her job moved her 3 hours away and we kept relationship going through back and forth visits 3 weekend a month for 5 months). She broke up with me because she said I was not showing enough interest in her son (14 years old and he lives with his father). She let slip out that she hoped I would be available when he goes to college (which she also told her best friend), a week of no contact… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jeremy,

don’t tell her you will be stopping to talk to her for a while.. but you can tell, the current situation is not workable for you and then thank her for everything and then start nc.. if you want to block her, make your posts public.

Colten
Guest
Hello, I posted on another thread but me and my ex kept talking and the last time we talked it made everything so worse. I wouldn’t stop texting her and bugging her and she said she wants to be friends and says she can’t date me with the way I’ve been acting. And can never see it happening. She deleted me on snap and said I was acting like a stalker, I feel so bad about all this and just want her back in my life how long should I do no contact and how can I re-kindle this, or… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Colten,

Try at least 30 days and check this one:
Using The No Contact Rule (Everything You Need To Know)

Julie
Guest
Hi, I need advice. My ex and I broke off 5yrs ago. She got into 2 new relationship and I moved on. Recently she is going through a break up and gotten closer to me. Now Im falling back for her. When I confessed, she told me she still thinks of her ex. And right now she isn’t willing to commit to any relationship ans that she wants a break for now. But we are so close for the past 5yrs, we are like more than friends less than lovers. What I heard from her friends was that she rather… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Julie,

it’s not a guarantee that it would work, but you can still try it.

Richard S
Guest

My ex-girlfriend wanted to be friends with me and I gave her two options – have me in your life again; not have me in your life, and not a third. I said Iryna I am not interested being your friend or “friend-zoned”. I am not going to be your emotional dumping ground, or some random friend you can text to. That is all have to say.

After this… No Contact

Aaron
Guest
Hi need advice been broken up for 2 yrs was an idiot and didn’t do the no contact rule went straight into being friends now she’s with another guy but it’s a bad relationship she’s admited that it is possible she could still have feelings but that she doubts shed feel strongly enough about me to date me again but this is a woman who’s always run from what really makes her happy. So she says right now I’m a friend almost like a big brother how do I change this and how do I get my plan realiged since… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Aaron,

You’re in the military now? Are you going to try the advice above?

Aaron
Guest

I’m currently in the national guard and yes I am

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor
Aaron
Guest
My ex and I have been broken up for 2yrs I completly failed to do the no contact rule we have been friends ever since we’re really close she has a bf but he’s abusive and wants to leave but won’t because she has no where close to her mom to go her mom won’t help her and I live to far she says from her mom she’s admited that she is thinking about coming back to me but at the same time she says she doesn’t have those feelings for me how do I get the plan to get… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Aaron,

You’re in the military now? Are you going to try the advice above?

Khalil
Guest
Hi EGR team, am currently reading your book. But need some direction while Im at it. Here’s what happened Background: We’re both 23 met at the office, and then started dating. Her previous relationship was with a possessive man, and it made her imprisoned during her college days and had no friend. After around a year, we both moved jobs, but continued dating. During our 1.5 years relationship, we fought like every other couples do, but about small stuff like being late or being stubborn, never major things, we always talked things through and made peace immediately. Fall out: Recently… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Khalil,

don’t rush things. The least you can do is 21 days..

Khalil
Guest

Hi Amor:

Thank you for your prompt reply!
On the value chain front, do you think I should still follow through it step by step. Or is it ok to be organic and grab whatever opportunity arise?

Also just making sure, I should not take her to the concert next week? and instead talk to her after 21 days NC?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

it’s not a hard rule.. you can do what you think will help you.. just don’t rush things and avoid looking like you’re always available.

John
Guest

Hi,
I am confused and looking for advice. Few days ago my girlfriend( now ex girlfriend) told me that she doesn’t love me like before. Then sugested to be just friends.
All I said to her was that I really don’t want this relationship end, but if you made your decision I will respect it.
On the other hand, deep inside I really want her back. I want everything to be just like before. (being happy couple)
My question would be, what am I supposed to do?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

do you want to try the advice above?

Nathaniel
Guest
I’m in a lengthy predicament. A few years ago I dated a girl for a while like 4 years well she left me to go to North Carolina which is cool. Well a couple months after I moved in to a relationship with a girl named (let’s call her m) well things with m and I were awesome we never argued we were from similar hardships growing up and eel one day my ex of four years shows up to my door step half naked. So we slept together. I called m and told her the truth and also told… Read more »
Nathaniel
Guest

Also she claims she’s not ready to date

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

ok, right now are you going to do the no contact rule?

Nathaniel
Guest

Yes her and I kind of had a talk and I told how I felt she looked relieved we had a moment and she said she isn’t looking for anything for a while.

How long should no contact last for because she texts me every day.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

at least 30 days.. and dont stop improving even after nc.. be active in posting during and after nc too.

Daniel
Guest
Here’s a complicated one for you. Friends before relationship. There were issues that got in the way of spending time. She was inconsiderate about it, late cancellations, some stand ups, etc. I became frustrated. The more frustrated I got the worse it became. Spiraled into deliberate stand ups and and hateful text responses for it by me. We (she) decided to back off, be friends, work on our own issues for awhile. We both have a lot to work on. For her its self, kids, indepence, etc. For me it’s health and career issues. Anyway. She says she wants a… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

are you going to do the no contact rule and the advice above?

Carlton
Guest
Hello Amor…. I just paid for the basic EGR Pro package a few days ago – and have been reading through the course. It said if I had a unique situation, to contact. My situation contains a mixture of the “General” situations – plus another component that is not mentioned. I sent this note to the “Contact” section. I checked again and found this “comment” area, so I am reposting my letter here as Chris mentioned it will be looked at faster than from the “Contact” section… So since I have to tell you about this anyway, I will go… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

honestly you dont know her that much..either you’re moving fast for her or she’s hiding something.. in the last days, did you really kept in no contact? no likes, no replies?

Carlton
Guest
Hi Amor, Thank you for your comment… I think you may be right – maybe she felt things moving too fast… Thai culture says, for courtship, go slow… and thinking about it, while we did our long distance thing, I was probably moving too fast for her in an effort to keep things exciting. Yes – I have not contacted her at all… the two texts she sent me – 1st one 8 days into NC and 2nd one 17 days into NC… I ignored them both. I was planning to take NC to 31 days… or, what do you… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

You’re welcome! That’s ok.. and this time, take it as a restart, get to know her more..

Carlton
Guest

…oh wait…I feel confused…. should I drop NC now and send her a text…today is day 27 of NC?… or stay with NC for 30 days and then work the plan and start texting?…. or something else? …Thank you! 🙂

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

finish nc , and then slowly build rapport while you continue to improve yourself..

LLL
Guest
Hi, Im in a marriage which isn’t working out. I had a three month affair with a colleague who was also in a loveless marriage with a child too. The affair was hot and cold because of the guilt involved (from her end mainly). She decided to end it after about 3 months and then after two weeks started reconnecting again wanting to be FRIENDS. Now our marriages are finding their natural end but I am deep in the friend zone, we haven’t been intimate since the reconnection. I can’t be her friend as it’s too hard and i can’t… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

tell her the truth that you can’t be friends for now..

Cyrus Crandell
Guest
My ex and I have known each other for about 2 years, She friend zoned me when she started dating my friend and after she broke up with him I tried really hard to make my move. I asked her out to the movies and we had a really great time and I thought we had something going on, but then 3 days later she texted me and told me she wanted to be friends and I got really mad and didn’t talk to her for 2 months. She got a new boyfriend a few weeks ago. What do I… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

HI Cyrus,

did you improve yourself in those two months?

Jay
Guest

Hi Amor,

Theses messages seem not to be going through from some reason.

My ex went back to her ex, when I finally broke it off, I rejected her friends off because I was not happy with the terms. I’m 34 days in to NC and massive improvements in my life and ready to reach out, you advised before to do a 45 day NC and reading up I’m not sure which one suits me. What’s the best way to reach out please? Look forward hearing from you. Many thanks, jay

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jay,

choose a topic of her interest and check this one:
3 Secret Texts That Your Ex Girlfriend Cant Resist (Video)

Masoud
Guest
Hey, I am 22 years old and was dating my ex girlfriend for around 1 1/2 years. I am a medical student in my second last year and will be graduating in summer 2018. I study in Poland currently and my ex girlfriend graduated from the same program this summer and moved back from Poland to Sweden to start working there. She is 2 1/2 years older than me and me and her share the same ethnic origin. I am from Germany and only went for my studies to Poland . I told her that I want a long distance… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Masoud,

that means she still can’t see how it would work long distance.. maybe her love language is physical and quality time..and it can also mean she doesn’t see you mature enough for her..

of I’m right, the best solution is to be closer.. if you can’t be closer, then you have to be less available and keep improving yourself to the point that she will regret losing somebody like you

jay
Guest

I tried to go ncr and give her space,which what she asked for,the very next day she texted me asking why I had an attitude and said we are just friends. ……so I went out and then we had an argument she said I was blowing her off for some chick &now she won’t talk to me,any advice?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jay,

send a clean slate text..like, I’m sorey for how yesterday went but it’s best that we take time off each other for a while so we can reflect.. and then stick to nc

Steve
Guest
Hey EGR team I have bought the recovery pro and texting bible and desperately need some insight. I have followed everything to a T with the system. But the issue I’m having with my ex is she’s never really been one to want to engage in real conversation in text even when we dated. Her and I were great friends before the relationship but couldn’t make it work which I now have a better grasp of why after reading this article. However because she really isn’t one for texting conversations I don’t know how to tell if I’m building attraction… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Steve,

You can try that. If she doesn’t chase, what’s your plan?

Aaron
Guest
So I followed the articles advice to not accept my ex-girlfriends role of being friends. Less than a week later that she offered being my friend, she texted me and asked me if she could pay me to help her move (because she knows I’ve always helped and supported her when she was in a bind with everything in the past), and I replied to her, “I’m not available. Honestly I’m don’t think I’m emotionally ready to be friends right now.” Meanwhile, she is still using my netflix account which I pay for. I didn’t mind it at first but… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Aaron,
Kindly inform her.. Explain why you need to change the password, explain that it’s to help you cope with the situation

Aaron
Guest
So I followed the articles advice to not accept my ex-girlfriends role of being friends. Less than a week later that she offered being my friend, she texted me and asked me if she could pay me to help her move (because she knows I’ve always helped and supported her when she was in a bind with everything in the past), and I replied to her, “I’m not available. Honestly I’m don’t think I’m emotionally ready to be friends right now.” Meanwhile, she is still using my netflix account which I pay for. I didn’t mind it at first but… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Aaron,
Kindly inform her.. Explain why you need to change the password, explain that it’s to help you cope with the situation

Dayne
Guest
Well we broke up like one moth ago because she said she lost her feelings.We still t alk and sometimes hangout ..Even though her actions now tell me something else..dunno why maybe i am wrong. but i went to her house and whe i went to her room i saw all my valentines gifts on her bed and she had a Framed photo of us kissing from valentine next to her bed on clear display I slept at her home 3 days ago because i lost my bus she said that i should sleep on the couch but then she… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Dayne
looks like she missed you.. have you talked again after that?

Dave
Guest
Well me and my ex broke up and we didnt talk for about 2 months, she contacted me first, we talked and reminisced it felt like we were going to get back together. So maybe a week later im scrolling through instagram and i see her post a picture of her new boyfriend, and its a “friend” she talked to while we were together. I got angry stopped talking to her for like a week. I contacted her and we cleared things up but i told her i still miss her and ill still talk to her. She took her… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Dave,

Is she still talking to you now?

Daren vickery
Guest
Hi all I bought the ex girlfriend pro but some how it’s been deleted from my iPad possible to re send if not no probs. Here is the problem My girlfriend of 6 years broke up with me at the end of June 2016 it is now nearing the end of September . In this time I have moved out of the house which is mine by the way. We have had a couple of dates and argued a bit I took my girlfriend out for her birthday in September had a few to many drinks she said she missed… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Darren,

Please email this [email protected] regarding your ebook.

Why did you break up? So, now you mean, she’s already moved out or about to move out?

Daren vickery
Guest
She is about to move to a rented apartment still in the same town because of daughters schooling I stay in touch with the daughter by text had nc now for a week very hard she is Avery stubborn women. Not sure why she broke up firstly it was I need time and space because she lost her dad in may we broke up end of June it’s been a usual realationship up and down maybe I took her for granted too much . She has a lot of stress at her work she also has too other children in… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

maybe she needs time to grieve

Jason
Guest
My ex and I are still in the same friend group. We’re only in high school, but ever since she said we should just be friends, I hate the fact that I can’t hate her. I can’t try No Contact, because we see each other every morning (I get to school at 5:30, she gets to school at around 6:45). How should I approach this? We only broke up a couple of days ago, and we were friends before dating for about three or four weeks. The relationship lasted only for about a week, which bugs me a little bit,… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

hi Jason,

you have to try limited no contact.. that means, not initating a talk and asking space from her.. because more likely, you’ll end up stuck in friendzone

Adrian
Guest
Hi Chris, I find your articles on the website to be very helpful and can completely relate. I wanted to see if you could help guide me in the right direction with a girl I was dating. First, there is some history before we started to date. We have been friends (although not best friends) for about 3 years. After she graduated college and moved back to CA, she hinted very strongly that she had romantic feeling towards me. I caught on and felt the same way so I asked her out. We went on several dates and even know… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi adrian ,

yeah it looks like it’s working..I think you should do at least 30 days

Jay
Guest

Hey guys, great articles. I recently got the “let’s hangout as friends there is zero percent chance it could be more” from my ex. I had been in NC for a while, but now we have limited contact. She’s been seeing someone new for about 2 weeks now. Should I restart NC and continue to improve or should I just go with the friends and provide support to her where I can. We’re only 3 weeks removed from a “maybe we can work it out” conversation. Thanks in advance for the input.

Jay
Guest

I should probably keep working on rebuilding attraction before I play the part of “friend” I’m thinking, but should I go dark on her again?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jay,

you’re being frienszoned..did you restart nc?

Jay
Guest
Yes, I have restarted NC. After she said “lets be friends” a couple days later she said she couldn’t be my friend. She tells me never to contact her again, however shes the one that initiated contact. Two days after she sends “never contact me again” she texts me to ask me where I am knowing full well where I was. Its really messing with my head. As far as bettering myself goes, I’ve made great strides, lost weight, got into grad school, ive become more self reliant. I feel really good about how I’m progressing, I just cant take… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

that’s good.. I hope you didnt respond to her..

Ankit
Guest
Hi, I want a little help from your side as you handle relationship issues here. My story is a bit different as I was not able to become her boyfriend at the first stage. I met her on an adventure trip, and we shared some good moments with each other there. Since then, we used to talk over text-messaging as she lives in a different city. We have been talking over text-messaging for over two months, but during that time I was not able to give her my time properly. Although I used to talk properly wherever, we have done… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Mohak,

there’s no guarantee that the no contact route will work but if she didn’t want to be in a relationship with you, how would she miss you if you don’t step back and improve yourself instead?

Mohak
Guest

Is there any way to get her back? I am trying to be with her friend as per the rule. But now, I am not getting anything to talk to her. The conversations are not getting interesting.
Would it be okay if i go and visit her in her city. i have completed the Brief 14 days no contact rule and during this period. She tried to contact me once.

Mohak
Guest

Also, whenever I talk to her, she takes time to respond. This distance is something which hindering my way.
I am working on myself.
My only fear is that if she becomes someone else’s girlfriend, i am not able to get her back. She is a true person, If her new relationship works out fine she will not give up on her partner, she is this kind of girl.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

That’s too short for a no contact period.. Because think about it, if she likes the other guy that her parents are suggesting to her, it doesn’t matter how long you’ll be gone.. And with what you’re saying it looks like you’re just chasing her right now.. That’s good that you’re working on yourself because it’s important to do that to increase your chances..

You need to improve yourself physically, and do a lot of interesting activities too. Widen your world. How would she be interested if she doesn’t find something in you or your life that is interesting right?

Mohak
Guest
That means I need to start no contact rule again. How long do you prefer? She still takes a lot of time to respond whenever I text her. And, she is continuously talking to her new guy and both of them belongs to the same religion, and I belong to different religion. She can convince her parents about this guy or any guy (as this guy is also her friend. And, her parents just want her marriage & keep on putting marriage proposals in front of her, nothing else). I can’t propose a marriage proposal in front of her as… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

To be honest, if she wants marriage and you cant do it soon, if you get back together assure her that someday you will ..do a 30 day nc instead

blue
Guest

I broke up with my girlfriend in February we now talking and she says she loves me but doesn’t want to be in a relationship so we friends now i figured it’s the only way i can get her back in my life how do i do it?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi,

how did your meet up went?

Alex
Guest
Hey Amor, Great article, just as good as the stuff Chris has written. It’s refreshing to get a woman’s perspective on the problems that guys are having! Just wanted to thank you for your work, and let you know that it really does impact the lives of guys on this site. While things haven’t been working out for my ex and myself, the articles on this site have helped me become a better guy than I ever was, which has opened up a lot of other doors in my life, both romantically and in my career. Thanks for all of… Read more »
Frank
Guest
Hi everyone. So I am super confused and need advice. My ex and I started to hang out again recently and things have been trending steadily upward for a couple weeks. I had followed no contact for the summer. Then we talked some which had its ups and downs but recently things had been going great. We had met a couple times to go on a walk to the park and back to talk, I had gotten goodnight phone calls from her, etc. The only problem is she kept saying the were just friends thing and that our meetups were… Read more »
Jared
Guest

I accepted the offer to be friends after 3 years with my gf. Since then we have gone from text, phone calls and hangouts. All of this even though she started dating a new guy about one month after breaking up with me. I don’t believe the new boyfriend knows we are communicating. I am worried I might get stuck in friend zone

Jared
Guest

I should clarify, we were together for three years and broke 3 months ago.

Alex Paul
Guest

Hey Chris,
Love your material. Sent you an email with a question whenever you get a chance.

Thanks so much again,
Alex