By Chris Seiter

Updated on July 9th, 2022

It’s the ultimate question, isn’t it?

What do you say to get your ex girlfriend back?  That is all you want really – to figure what sweet and lovely things you can say to your girlfriend to get her to accept you back.  To forgive you.  To give you another chance.

You would love to know what to say to your ex girlfriend to make her smile again.

You are dying to know what to say your your ex girlfriend to NOT make her feel bad anymore.

Millions of men have been in your position before. They’ve been at that moment where it’s a make or break. Where they are looking for one word, one phrase or one speech to recite to change the way things are going.

Guys who feel helpless about losing their ex are thinking what can I say or do:

  • To prevent the breakup going another day longer
  • To get her back no matter what I have to say or do 
  • To change the breakup tides so my ex thinks of me differently

Men who are struggling with the right words to say to their Ex Girlfriend are are tempted:

  • To say to my ex girlfriend the very thing that will make her fall back in love with me.
  • To whisper and say cute and nice things to my ex girlfriend to get her back and forget my ugliness.
  • To cite, if I must, long paragraphs, even quotes, to lure her back. 

Right now, my advice is not let this situation freak you out. Guess what? Millions of men have failed.

You may have failed because you succumbed to anger, rage,  wild emotions, or even visions of romanticism.

If you have not gone through a whirlwind of emotions, then you wouldn’t be human.  It is tough to grapple with the breakup blues.  Let me tell you that I am incredibly impressed that you are willing to put this kind of commitment into something. It isn’t easy to ask for help. Most men are afraid to even type the words:

“I need help to get my ex girlfriend back like super fast” into Google.

But you most likely did and you are here because you want the secret sauce.  Let me drop a quick answer on you that might help move in the right direction

5 Things You Should Say and Do If You Want Your Ex Girlfriend Back in Your Life

  1. Say nothing at first.  Rushing to come up with all the words that is going to turn her thinking completely around is a fool’s errand. You are likely to say something you might regret
  2. Allow for some space so you both can breathe and process what has happened.  This breakup scene you are both facing may be one of the toughest things both of you have faced.  So allow the emotions to unwind.
  3. Don’t tell your ex girlfriend that you have to have her back.  Going into a begging mode is only going to turn her off and make you look weak
  4. If you are going to say something, speak not to your ex girlfriend, but to yourself.  Remind yourself that the breakup happened for a reason.  Maybe what happened is crazy and irrational, but it has occurred.  So tell yourself you need a plan.  If you don’t know where to start than check out my eBook, Ex Girlfriend Recovery.   You will need a blueprint to figure your way through this mess
  5. If you and your ex girlfriend are still on talking terms, don’t say how you are disappointing in her or say things that point the blame at her, even if you think she is largely at fault. Let kindness rule your spirit.  Later, there will be time to reconcile your differences.

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10  Wild and Crazy Thoughts Running Through Your Mind After a Breakup – Don’t Say or Do Any of These Things!

what the heck to I say to my ex

The truth of the matter is you probably are looking for a quick fix solution to your ex girlfriend problem.  I don’t blame you.  Most people when caught up in a lost relationship will wander around in a zombie like state.  The first thing that might slam you right in the face is the thought of  what the hell happened.

Tactics You WON’T Find On My Website!

This usually leads to the desperation or delusional stage.  It is usually like this:

  • You want to say that one word that can bring your ex girlfriend running back into your arms
  • You want to say that one phrase that will melt your girlfriend heart and forgiveness will be ushered in. 
  • You want to conjure up that one amazing idea to woo her back.

If Only I Could Talk To My Girlfriend Again

If only you could find that one speech that will convince your ex girlfriend to get back with you.  But that is not the only thing that might plague your mind since your ex girlfriend and you called it quits.

You may find yourself possessed with some really wild, random, and crazy thoughts.  All kinds of notions could afflict your mind as you may swing from wanting your ex girlfriend back with every fiber of your being – to wanting nothing to do with her.

Since you and your ex gf went your separate ways you are going to go through a period where what you want to say to her is could very well land you in the penalty box.  Even if it sounds really good in your head as you roll it around, in the early days it is better not to make make any big ex girlfriend moves.

So let me warn you again! If you are in the early stages of a breakup, most of the words that want to direct her way will only get you in more trouble because your are thinking in the wrong ways.  You probably will need some guidance.  I know.  Heck,  I wrote a huge, comprehensive book about it!

Don’t Listen To What Your Breakup Voice Is Telling You To Say To Your Ex Girlfriend

OK, so right after you and her have your falling out, there are something you should steer clear of.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

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You are most likely desperate and want to know what to say to your ex girlfriend to get her back fast before some other guy steals her heart.  Think of these thoughts rolling around in your head as the inner breakup scared voice.  Be assured, it will haunt your conscious mind.  And if you are not careful you might act on what the breakup voice is telling you.

Let me walk you through them –  these troublesome thoughts that can grab a hold of you lead you down the wrong path.

So Here Are 10  Things You Should NOT Say or Do Unless You Want To Get On Her Wrong Side

  1. Should I text my ex girlfriend like crazy – just bomb her with a series of texts  to bring her to her senses (Bad Idea.)
  2. Maybe I should say cute things to my ex girlfriend to get her crawling back (News Alert – She is not crawling back.)
  3. Perhaps I need a list of sweet things to say to my ex girlfriend to get her back to talking to me. (Sweet won’t work right now.)
  4.  I think I will just show up at her place, bang on her door and work this out right now. (Big Mistake!)
  5.  Should I do something like talk to her parents, her friends (Only if your really want to piss her off.)
  6. What if I talked to my ex’s old boyfriend and picked his brain (Why torture yourself?)
  7.  I will ask out her best friend – I bet that will get my ex to want me back desperately  (Oh boy, please don’t do that!)
  8.  Should I say and do something to make her feel super special?  (Perhaps later – but right now she probably can’t stand the sound of your voice.)
  9. Don’t ever say to your ex girlfriend that you are giving up on her. (You might as well throw in the towel)
  10. What if I say to my ex girlfriend that I will give her one more chance or it’s all over. (Say that and indeed you are closer to it being over.)

So as you walk through the minefield of getting your ex girlfriend back, just consider that if you are searching for some magical cure – those secret words that will cast you out of this break up hell hole –  just know I have some advice for you.

What is it?

Well, I have some bad news for you…

I Have Bad News & I Have Good News

good news

Which do you want first?

The good news or the bad?

I always like the bad news first so I am just going to go out on a limb here and say that you are like me and want the bad news first.

Here Is The Bad News About What You Can Say To Your Ex Girlfriend To Convince Her To Give You Another Shot.

There isn’t one word, phrase or speech that you can say to get your ex girlfriend back.

That’s one of the biggest misconceptions out there and I would like to correct this belief right here and now.

The truth is that every romantic comedy and Disney movie has formed this belief that all you have to do to get a girl to fall head over heels for you (or in your case fall back in love with you) is deliver some type of incredible speech where you declare your undying love for a girl and she will be putty in your hands.

Have you ever tried this in real life?

I have and every single time that I have it has blown up in my face.

Heck, it doesn’t ever work on my wife either and she is married to me.

Of course, there are two sides to every coin and where there is bad news there is also good news.

Here Is The Good News You Can Say To Ex Gf to Change Her Mind

There ARE words, phrases and speeches that you can use and say to get your ex girlfriend thinking about coming back to you.


I know what you are thinking.

“What the h*** Chris. You just said that there isn’t any one word, phrase or speech that we can use to get our exes back.”

Yes, while I did say that there isn’t any ONE word, phrase or speech that you can use to win your ex back I never said anything about using multiple of them together.

And I have told you something else really important.  You need some time in laying low. And You need to rebuild your relationship with your ex in a carefully crafted way.  Little steps.  Clever tactics.  Small gains.

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How Does Your Typical Breakup Couple Get Back Together?

definition (bold)


Take a moment to consider the average way that a couple gets back together after a breakup.

There usually isn’t any one moment where a woman just sits up and goes,

“Wow, this moment caused me to want to get back together with my ex.”

Usually it’s a combination of the moments, interactions and feelings that make a couple get back together after a breakup.


Perhaps there is a better way that I can explain.

Ok, take a look at the graphic below.

infographic moments

Notice how there are a bunch of arrows pointing at this couple.

Then I also want you to notice how under these arrows I am saying that each arrow is mean to represent a combination of either positive moments, interactions or feelings.

Pretty self explanatory right?

It’s a combination of words, phrases and speeches that can influence moments, interactions and feelings which ultimately lead to a couple getting back together.

Here is the big takeaway that I want you to take from this.

Notice how there isn’t just one gigantic arrow pointing at the couple (which is meant to represent a reconnection of you and your ex by the way.) Instead, there are many little arrows pointing at the reconnection couple.

I really want to drive home the point that you can’t get your ex girlfriend back by saying just one thing.

Doing that and expecting amazing results is going to result in disaster.

Instead, there are multiple things that have to be said in order for you to get that amazing result that you want so bad.

That’s where this article comes into play.

Rather than teaching you ONE thing to say to get your ex girlfriend back I am going to teach you EVERYTHING to say to get her back.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

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Of course, before we can get into that I need you to understand the correct process to use to get your ex girlfriend back.

The Correct Process To Get Your Girlfriend Back To Speaking Terms

I want you to take a look at something.


Do you have any idea what this graphic means?


Well, this graphic represents the correct way that you are supposed to go about getting your ex girlfriend back.

Notice how there are three icons above the couple in the hearts.

These three icons are meant to represent the mediums that you will be communicating with your ex by. In other words, you will be talking to your ex through text messages, phone calls and in person interactions.

In my article on flirting I talked about these three mediums and the importance of not jumping the gun on them. In other words, first you have to text your ex girlfriend and build attraction through that medium. Once enough attraction has been built there you can move on to the next medium with talking to her over the phone. After this you essentially rinse and repeat the process.

But what about the details?

Above I mentioned that I was going to teach you EVERYTHING you needed to say to get your ex girlfriend back.

Well, the way I am going to go about doing that is by teaching you what you need to say to get your girlfriend back in each of the three categories.

Again, the three categories are the three mediums above,

  1. Text Messages
  2. Phone Calls
  3. In Person Interaction

Like I said, there isn’t any one thing that you can say to get your girlfriend back. However, there are multiple things in each of these categories that you can say.

Hold on to your britches because we are going to one long and wild ride!

Lets get started by talking about text messages.

What To Say In Text Messages To Your Ex Girlfriend

what can I say

Text messages are a tricky thing.

There is so much complexity to them that I am a little bit split on where to start.

I guess the smartest thing for me to do will be to divide this up into three categories for you.

  1. What to say to start a conversation.
  2. What to say to build attraction.
  3. How to transition from text messages to phone calls.

However, before I really sink my teeth into these three categories it is probably a good idea for me to explain my philosophy on text messaging.

My Philosophy On Texting To Awaken Your Ex Girlfriend’s Interest in Talking To You Again

I am of the mind that text messages are one piece of a three piece puzzle to getting your ex girlfriend back.

A lot of experts say that text messaging is the most important concept to master but I tend to disagree. While I do think that it is super important to master I think each piece of the three piece puzzle is equally important.

Nevertheless, that doesn’t mean you can slack when it comes to text messaging.

But enough of that.

Lets talk specifically about my philosophy on texting.

So this is going to sound really weird but I want you to scroll up and look at the infographic I put together depicting the correct way to get an ex girlfriend back.

You remember how there are three categories/puzzle pieces in the graphic, right?

You have texting..

You have calling…

Oh, and you can’t forget in person interactions….

Above I also made reference to the fact that in order to maximize your chances of success you need to move from one category to the other.

Well, my philosophy on texting is deeply intertwined with the belief of moving from one category to the next.

In other words, I believe that the sole purpose of texting your ex girlfriend after a breakup is to move her from category one (texting) to category two (calling.)

Of course, in order to successfully do that you have to say a bunch of things to build a lot of attraction.

After all, an ex girlfriend is probably going to need a compelling reason to talk on the phone with you and she is going to be more likely to accept your call if a lot of attraction has been build through text messages.

So, when you are reading my thoughts on text messages below keep in mind that all I am trying to do is move you from point A (not talking on the phone with your girlfriend) to point B (talking on the phone with her.)

What To Say To Start A Conversation With Your Ex Girlfriend Over Text Message

There are two things I would like to talk about when it comes to starting a conversation over text message.

Thing 1- Starting a conversation after the NC rule

Thing 2- Starting a conversation when you are used to talking to each other

I get a lot of questions about these two things on Ex Girlfriend Recovery so I would like to put all the questions to rest right here, right now.

I guess we should start by talking about starting a conversation after the no contact rule.

Starting A Conversation After The No Contact Rule

You are aware of what the no contact rule is, right?

If you need an in-depth lesson you can grab my system, Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO.

For now all you need to know is that the no contact rule means that you are going to ignore your ex (in every way imaginable) for a certain amount of time (usually between 21 – 45 days.)

The idea behind the NC rule is that it allows more time for your ex girlfriend to miss you and it gives both of you time to calm down after the breakup.

But in order to succeed in getting your girlfriend back you are going to have to inevitably talk to her.

When that time comes the ideal way to reach out to her is through a text message.


Because it is the least threatening method of communication and it allows you to control things a bit more than if you were to contact her through any of the other mediums.

But there is a major problem that needs to be addressed.

What do you say to an ex girlfriend who you haven’t talked to in a long time?


It’s a good question and I have a good answer.

You need to send your ex girlfriend a text message that will be impossible for her NOT to respond to.

How do you do that?

Well, that requires you to know a thing or two about your girlfriend.

Lets pretend that your ex girlfriend was obsessed with Paris.

Well, using this knowledge you could probably text her something like this to get her to respond,


There are a couple of things I want you to take note of when it comes to this text message.

  • This Person Alex
  • Paris
  • How Your Ex Always Wanted To Go

Lets start with Alex.

So, the text message above makes reference to a person named Alex.

Alex is generally going to be someone that you and your ex both know.

Why is this important?

So she can put a face to an idea.


Maybe I can explain this a little bit better.

Imagine that I sent the same text as I did above except instead of using Alex (a friend that you and your girlfriend both share) I used some stranger,


Which do you think she will have more interest in?

A stranger winning a trip to Paris or a friend?

If you guessed “the friend” then you would be right.

Now, why do you think I used Paris?

I used it because apparently your ex girlfriend is obsessed with Paris and we are going to use that knowledge to our advantage.

You see, I have a theory that every person walking this earth has a topic that will immediately open them up and get them talking. It just so happens that Paris is your ex girlfriends because she has never been and has always wanted to see it.

This yearning to see Paris is deeply woven into every fiber of her being and opens her up to talking like no other topic.

Do you see now what I mean by interesting text message?

Expanding the Conversation With Your Ex Girlfriend When You Are Use To Talking To Each Other

It would be a little weird if every single text message you sent (to start a conversation with your girlfriend) had a pattern to it.

“Hey, I saw something that reminded me of you.. Blah Blah Blah.”

The text messages above are special in the fact that they are only meant to be sent after the no contact rule (an extended period of time where the two of you haven’t talked.) But what if the two of you are used to talking to each other?

What if you and your ex girlfriend have talked all day, every day for seven days straight?

Is it ok at this point to send generic text messages like,

generic messages


Look, just because you and your ex girlfriend have hit your grove when it comes to talking to each other doesn’t mean that you can take your foot off the gas. Now, with that being said you can’t get caught up in sending the “interesting message” that I mentioned above.

I like to think of texting like a game.

You are either good at the game or you are bad at the game.

At this point in her life your ex girlfriend has texted a lot of men so she is used to what their “game” looks like.

Your goal is to have a better “game” than all the other guys out there texting her.

You want her to sit back and say,

“Wow, no one even compares to this guy.”

The same principle applies to your conversation starting text messages.

You want every single conversation starter to be unique and new.

However, you can’t fall into a pattern.

Think of a great baseball pitcher.

Good pitchers don’t throw fastballs down the middle of the plate on every pitch. They mix things up. The work the corners, change the speeds and even throw a few waste pitches to get errant swings.

While every text message can’t be perfect there are multiple ways to mix things up.

One method is something I like to call “the video conversation starter.”

The Video Conversation Starter – An Idea To Perk Up Your Ex Girlfriend’s Interest In Chatting With You

How can you really stand out from the crowd when it comes to gaining the attention of your ex girlfriend?

Obviously coming up with an interesting text message is one way to do that but lets get a little more creative here.

Lets go outside a simple text and move to a simple video.

Ok, imagine this.

Imagine that you decide that you want to start a conversation with your ex girlfriend over text message. However, in order to do that you need to “be interesting” so you decide to reach out to her with a simple video.

The video doesn’t have to be anything special. In fact, it can be as simple as you sitting at your dining room table having breakfast and saying,

“Hey there, I am just having breakfast this morning as you can see and was wondering what you were up to… So, what are you up to “wink.””

You’ll be amazed at the effectiveness that a simple video will have on your ex.

But this begs an interesting question.


Why is sending a video through text message to your ex such an effective method?

Think about what I said above for a moment.

You need to stand out from the crowd.

Every guy that has the guts to text your ex girlfriend is probably going to do so with a standard text that looks like this,


You on the other hand are going to be sending her full fledged videos.

Video Text Message > Regular Text Message

I rest my case.

What To Say In Text Messages To Your Ex Gf To Build Attraction

Most women are looking for one text message to send to their ex that will ignite some sort of passionate speech that you usually hear a Disney prince recite.

prince speech

Unfortunately, one text message that can yield that kind of result doesn’t exist.

Remember my whole speech on how it takes many speeches, moments and good feelings to generate a reconnection?

Well, the same principle applies to building attraction over text message.

If you are expecting to get there with just one or two text messages then you are going to fail.

Instead, its going to take a collection of text messages to get the job done.

In this section I am going to go over some of the most effective text messages but I don’t really have the time or space to list every single text message that you will absolutely need to use to get your girlfriend back. If that is something that you want then I suggest you take a look at Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO.

Anyways, lets get to our attraction building text messages.

Using Positive Experiences To Your Advantage In Saying the Right Things in Text Messages to Your Ex Girlfriend

This text message shouldn’t require too much explaining up front.

Basically the premise of it is that you are going to pick your happiest memory from when you were a couple NON SEX RELATED.

Once you have that memory you are going to send a text message like this,

key west

Pretty dramatic stuff, huh?

The idea behind this message is that you want to make the memory you choose as clear as possible. You want your ex girlfriend to almost be there in her mind. You want her to FEEL it.

Women are really big on feelings.

Now, I bet you are wondering the timing of when to send this text message. Obviously you can’t send something like this right off the bat to your ex girlfriend because it isn’t going to be effective.

Ideally you want to send this type of text message after she has already been tested.

What do you think I mean by tested?

What I mean is that you should test your ex girlfriend with some less powerful memories.

Perhaps a fun date you had that isn’t too controversial before you bring out this bad boy.


I think I should be more clear about this because I can already sense a few of you reading this and just going from zero to sixty in a second.

Lets pretend that you have three memories you want to use in text messages before you bring out the big romantic key west text message above.

Memory one looks like this:


Memory two looks like this:


Memory three looks like this:

miss you

Did you notice how these three memories got progressively more romantic.

I mean, you start off with memory one about the traffic cop and talking out of the ticket.

Ok, nothing too romantic about that. However, it’s interesting and draws upon a story that you knew your ex girlfriend was interested in once upon a time. Then you move on to the second text message where you are specifically talking about a date the two of you had where you went and saw cirque du soliel.

Finally you send a text message that essentially says, “I miss you.”

These three texts serve a very clever purpose as they are testing your ex.

You see, I am a big believer in moving relationships up the value chain. Do you get what I mean by that?

I mean that before you go from 10 MPH to 60 MPH you move from 10 MPH to 15 MPH and then from 15 to 20 and then from 20 to 25 and so on and so forth until ultimately you reach your final destination at 60 MPH.

That is exactly what you are doing with the text messages above.

You have four text messages with each one getting progressively more romantic.

In a perfect world here is what would happen.

Step One: You send the first text to your girlfriend about the traffic cop. If your girlfriend responds positively then you wait a day and send your next text.

Step Two: You send the second text to your girlfriend about cirque du soliel. Again, if your girlfriend responds positively then you wait another day and send the next text.

Step Three: You send the “I miss you” text message to your ex girlfriend. Once more, if you responds positively then you wait on full day and send your final text.

Step Four: The final text jam packed with romance is sent.

How To Transition From Texts To Phone Calls When Taking It To The Next Level With Her


Above I just mentioned that I am a big fan moving women up the value chain.

Well, did you know that you can move women up the value chain on a larger scale?

For example, if you scroll up to my graphic on “the correct way to get an ex back” you will notice that I talk about three mediums (or methods) of communication to communicate with your ex girlfriend.

  1. Texting
  2. Phone Calls
  3. In Person

Well, it doesn’t take a genius to work out that texting an ex and talking to her in person are in an entirely different ballpark.

Anyone can get a response to a text message but getting a date…

Actually seeing her in person…

That takes some work.

Of course, you can’t just go from zero to sixty when it comes to this kind of thing which is where the idea of moving your girlfriend up the value chain is.

I just taught you what to say to her when it comes to text messages but you can only go so far when it comes to text messages. Eventually you are going to have to move to the second rung of the ladder which is talking on the phone with her.

How do you do that?

I am so glad you asked.

The Half Story Method 

You are walking down the road one day and you notice something very unusual. It’s a little kid who has two girls fighting over him. What’s unusual about that? Well, it’s the fact that the two girls fighting over him aren’t exactly girls. They are women…. Oh, but this gets even crazier. The women aren’t exactly women in their twenties or thirties. These are two bona-fide grannies. We are talking women in their seventies and eighties.

Are you interested in finding out what happens next?

Well, it’s kind of complicated so it might be easier if I just told you over the phone.



Did that make any sense to you at all?

Do you kind of have an idea at what the half story method is?

Basically the idea behind the half story method is that you tell your ex girlfriend an engaging story over text and just when she wants to hear more you send her something like this,


Essentially you are earning your way to talking to her on the phone with a very interesting story.

What To Say Over The Phone To Your Ex Girlfriend To Loosen Her Up!


Talking to your ex girlfriend on the phone always seems like it’s going to be an easy task but in reality it’s not.


Well, if you think about having a conversation over text messages you get to control a lot aspects.

For example, if your ex girlfriend texts you something witty you have time to think of something witty to say right back.

If she gets upset at something you say then you have time to think of how to navigate the situation.

However, on the phone that time is taken away.

Lets pretend that you are talking to your ex girlfriend on the phone and you get nervous because of how fast the conversation is moving and you say something stupid and she gets mad.

What are you supposed to do?

Well, you aren’t supposed to get caught in a position like that in the first place which is why I put this section together.

Below I have compiled the rules for talking on the phone with your ex girlfriend and I have also taken the liberty of including a few great conversation topics to talk about.

Anyways, before I get to those conversation topics lets talk a little bit about the rules of talking on the phone with an ex girlfriend.

Phone Rule One: No Awkward Silences With Your Ex Gf


This one is a bit of a pet peeve of mine.

Have you ever been talking to someone on the phone and both of you run out of things to say and you both just sit in silence for what feels like the longest time waiting for the other person to say something?

These awkward silences are your enemy and if you want to get your ex girlfriend back then you need to limit them as much as possible.

Now, I will admit that I am not perfect myself when it comes to awkward silences. I am sure you could ask my wife and she could cite all the times that I have just sat on the phone like a doofus waiting for her to break the awkward silence.

However, the situation I am in and the situation you are in are completely different.

I am married to my wife so I don’t have to be perfect every time I talk on the phone with her. You, on the other hand, are trying to get your ex girlfriend back. You only get a few shots on goal so you want to make sure that every time you talk to your girlfriend on the phone you do so with a purpose.

So, what’s the best way to avoid awkward silences?


If I was you I would prepare a list of 100 topics that you could draw upon in a time of need.

So, lets pretend that you are talking to your ex girlfriend on the phone and you hit a point where both of you run out of things to say and you can sense an awkward silence is about to commence. Well, if you had prepared a nice little list of 100 topics to talk about then all you would have to do is pull it out, point to a topic and the both of you would be talking like old times.

What are the 100 topics to talk about?

Geez… You want me to do everything for you don’t you.

Ok, I promise I will give you a list of great topics to talk about on the phone a little bit later. For now lets just move on to our next section.

Phone Rule Two: Getting A One On One Date With Her Is Your Goal


Your sole purpose of talking to your ex girlfriend on the phone is to get a one on one date.

For you at this stage that is the be all end all.

Now, this begs an interesting question.

When do you ask for this date?

How do you ask for this date?

Lets start with the “when” and then we can cover the “how”

When To Ask For A Date With Your Ex Girlfriend On The Phone


I repeat…


Got it?

We are not about rushing things here. We are about taking our time and building attraction. That’s the key to this whole enchilada. So, I would say that after three positive phone conversations you can go ahead and ask for a date. However, the keyword there is POSITIVE.

In other words, if your conversation with your ex girlfriend doesn’t go well then that isn’t going to count towards the three.


How can I put this in a way that will make it crystal clear for you?

Ok, lets say that you have three conversations with your ex girlfriend.

  1. = Good
  2. = Average
  3. = Good

Out of these three conversations two were good and one was average.

Is it time for you to ask your ex girlfriend out for a one on one date?


Technically you only have had two “good” conversations with her over the phone and you need three to ask her out.

Get it now?

Three Good Phone Conversations = You Can Ask Her On A Date

How To Ask For A Date With Your Ex Girlfriend On The Phone

Again, our motto here at Ex Girlfriend Recovery is slow and steady wins this race.

In other words, when you are dealing with an ex girlfriend the last thing you want to do is make any sudden unplanned moves.

Asking her out for a date is ruled by this principles.

You need to be very smart and strategic on how you ask for the date.

But before I get into the specifics of actually asking for the date I would like to talk about where the date would take place because this matters a lot especially when it comes to how easily you can get a yes.

Lets say that you have decided that you could do three things with your ex girlfriend:

  1. Go on a group date
  2. Go for lunch/coffee
  3. Go on a real date

Out of these three dates which one seems the least threatening.

The group date, right?

There is something about a group date that is not threatening at all because you are in the midst of other people.

If I was you I would ask your ex girlfriend to go on a group date with you and I would say it exactly like this.

“I have been enjoying our conversations so much lately that I wanted to ask you something. I actually just go invited by a group of my friends for an amazing gallery showing and I have a plus one. We are all going together but you are the only person I wanted to take so if you would like to go with me I would be so happy to have you come!”

The key to getting a woman to say yes to a date is making her feel special.

Tell me, what in the speech above makes a woman feel desired/special?

It was actually the moment where I said,

“You are the only person I wanted to take”

It’s amazing how powerful that little phrase is.

So, I will get more into dates in the “in person” section below but for now all you need to know is that you need to ask your ex girlfriend out on a group date and you need to make her feel desired and like she is the only one for you when you ask her out.

Lets move on to phone conversation topics.

Phone Conversation Topics That Gets Your Ex Girlfriend’s Juices Flowing

Do you remember in the section above that I mentioned that I would be giving you a lot of phone conversation topics to use.

Well, the moment is finally here.

I am just going to start listing so take out a pen and paper and jot down the ones that you are interested in using.

  • The funniest story you have
  • The best vacation you ever had
  • The most beautiful place on earth you have ever visited
  • Your ambitions in life
  • Where you see yourself in five years
  • Your best friend
  • Your favorite childhood memory
  • The most exciting memory you can think of
  • Your favorite movie
  • Your favorite TV show
  • A website that you just had to share
  • A bizarre thing that happened to you lately
  • Play a game over the phone
  • Something cute you did as a child
  • Moments that touched you
  • How would you survive during the zombie apocalypse?
  • Something funny your friends did
  • Something new you just bought
  • Ask her what is going on in her life
  • Ask her about work
  • Talk to her about your work
  • Tell her something you have never told her before
  • Best prank you ever pulled
  • Best prank ever pulled on you
  • Pick a YouTube video that went viral and watch it together over the phone
  • Your most embarrassing story
  • Ask her what her biggest fear is
  • What is your biggest fear?
  • If you only had one day to live how would you spend it
  • Truth or dare
  • How you got your nickname
  • What is your earliest memory
  • The bravest thing you have ever done
  • The bravest thing she has ever done
  • Tell her you took up a new hobby
  • Do you believe in ghosts
  • The worst date you have ever been on
  • Who is your favorite celebrity
  • Who is her favorite celebrity
  • Whats the most adventurous thing you have ever done
  • Is there such a thing as love at first sight?
  • What is the craziest dare you have ever given
  • What is the craziest dare you have given someone
  • Did you do it?
  • If you were a teacher what would you teach?

What To Say In Person To Your Ex Girlfriend When You Finally Meet Up?

all I have meme

Talking to your ex girlfriend in person is a whole different ball game then what I have been talking about with texting and phone conversations.

What’s so different about it?

Well, talking to an ex girlfriend in person requires you to not only master wit but it requires you to master the art of dissection.

What do I mean by that?

I mean you need to become a master at looking at her facial expressions and be able to tell if she is digging what you are saying or is repulsed by it.

Oh, and when you add in the fact that you only have a handful of chances in person to get this relationship back on track you can understand why so many men stumble and fall at this point of the process.

So, in order to make this as helpful as possible for you I am going to give you a little more than just “what to say” in this section.

Lets start with this idea of three dates.

Three Date Theory – Ease Your Way Back In To Your Ex Girlfriend’s Life

What’s our motto here at Ex Girlfriend Recovery?

Slow and steady wins the race, right?

Above when I was talking about how to ask your ex girlfriend out on a date I made reference to three dates.

  1. A group date
  2. Coffee date
  3. Real date

Well, when I look at these three dates I look at them in terms of risk for your ex girlfriend.

At first going on a real romantic date may be a little “high risk” for your ex girlfriend. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean that she is unwilling to go out with you at all she just isn’t willing to go on a high risk date yet.

That’s why we have to make that high risk a little less daunting.

How do we do that?

By taking her on low risk and medium risk dates.

Obviously the low risk date is the group date and the medium risk date is the coffee date.

So, lets look at things from your exes perspective for a moment.

A group date is mean to be fun and it is super low pressure.

Low pressure = low risk.

Now, during this group date your job is simple.

Make sure your ex girlfriend has an amazing time.

Forget about making any moves for now. Just focus on fun and that’s it. You want your girlfriend to sit back and think,

“Wow, I forgot how fun it is to be around him.”

The goal here is to have her associate you with fun because it is going to make getting a yes to the next proposition that much easier.

Speaking of the next proposition lets talk about the coffee date.

So, as I am sure you have guessed the coffee date is a medium risk for your ex girlfriend.


Because it’s one on one.

Of course, it’s also during the day and dates during the day aren’t as high risk.

Nevertheless, this is the date where you are going to have to get a little more romantic. If everything goes according to plan then you will have built enough attraction to get a yes to a high risk proposition.

So, the process kind of looks like this,

3 dates

The main goal here is to move from one date to the other and in order to do that attraction needs to be built on each one of these dates.

So, what I would like to do now is take each date one by one and tell you the goal you are trying to accomplish on the date and what you need to say to accomplish that goal.

You ready?

DATE ONE: The Group Date

group date

Ah, our low risk proposition.

I mentioned above that the ultimate goal of the group date is to have fun.

That’s it.

Plain and simple.

In other words, that means that you have to invite your ex girlfriend to a place where you know she will have fun AND you have to make sure you go in a group.


Off the top of my head I think that the following would be great choices:

  • Wine tasting
  • Art showing
  • Laser tag
  • Mini golf
  • Painting class
  • Skating
  • Go-Kart racing
  • Cooking class
  • Bowling

Remember, your main goal here is to make sure your ex girlfriend has a great time and in order to do that I am going to give you a few talk tracks that you can rely upon when you run out of things to say.

The “I Can’t Believe I Forgot To Tell You…”  –  A Special Communication Strategy You Can Use On Your Ex Girlfriend

What is the first thing that you probably think when someone tells you, “I can’t believe I forgot to tell you this… ?”

You are probably thinking,

“What? TELL ME.”

That’s what we are shooting for here with your ex girlfriend.

Now, the trick to this little talk track is the fact that you have to have a really intriguing story to tell.

Here’s an example.

You: “I can’t believe I forgot to tell you…”

Her: “What?”

You: “A few weeks ago I was walking down the road and saw this little baggy lying on the ground. The baggy was clear and it looked like it had money in it so I did what anyone would do. I picked it up and your not going to believe what I found. It was $10,000 dollars in hundred dollar bills with a note that said “for your trouble.”

Her: What did you do? Did you keep it?

You: I contemplated it… But ultimately I decided to take it to the police since I wouldn’t have felt right in taking it but what I want to know is what that note meant?

Her: Maybe it was a drug deal gone wrong?

Her: Wait, what do the police even do when they can’t find who to give the money back to? Do they just keep it?

You: Ah, that’s what I was wondering too after a while. So, I went online and researched and apparently if police can’t find anyone to give the money back to then they usually pocket the money themselves.

Her: UGH, you mean you could have just kept it and no one would have been the wiser?

You: Yup, I guess it doesn’t pay to do the right thing all the time.

Do you see how this story was intriguing and engaging.

You will find that a lot of times your ability to attract a woman will hinder on your storytelling abilities and it makes a lot of sense. I mean, what do you often do with your free time?

Watch TV?

Watch  Movies?

Play Video Games?


If you become a master storyteller then you are going to have a fantastic chance of building attraction with your ex.

Lets move on to the next date though.

DATE TWO: The Coffee Date – Your Ex Gf Is Probably Thirsty To See You At This Stage!

after coffee

The coffee date is defined as a medium risk proposition.

Any idea why?

Well, for one this is considered a one on one date whereas the group date was in the midst of a group of people. That fact alone makes your ex girlfriend feel more comfortable when there are other people around. A coffee date can also be considered more romantic than a group date which is why the risk for your ex is a little higher.

Of course, there is also a reason for why the coffee date is only considered medium risk and not high risk.

Care to take a guess on what that reason is?

Well, it actually has more to do with the sun.

You see, coffee dates usually happen in the middle of the day whereas super romantic dates happen at night. That fact alone has shaped the perception of dates to every woman and we are going to use this to our advantage.

So, what is the ultimate goal with a coffee date?

Easy, it’s to turn on the charm a little but not too much. The idea is to leave your ex girlfriend wanting more so it makes getting that third date so much easier.

Here is a great talk track that you can use during your coffee date.

The “I’ve Been Thinking About You A Lot Lately…” Talk Track

This is a risky talk track but the goal with the medium risk proposition is to turn up the charm a bit and the best way to do that is to tap into your romantic side.

The way this talk track works is simple,

You: I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately…

Her: You have?!?

You: Ya, specifically that time we went on that trip with the waterfalls. Actually, I was watching this show last night and they showed these huge water falls and it made me think of you.

Her: That was a fun trip, huh?

You: Yup! It’s definitely something that I don’t think I will forget for the rest of my life that’s for sure. You know, when you look at relationships as a whole that trip is the way things are supposed to be. A couple is supposed to be loving and caring. Of course, I think it’s hard for most people because they let so many extracurricular things get in the way of happiness.

Her: I know what you mean.

Did you notice how this talk track was specifically reminiscing about the past and how great things with you and your ex girlfriend were?

The idea here is to bring those feelings back to the surface.

If you can do that then you will accomplish a lot.

DATE THREE: The Romantic One on One Date (Steal Back Your Ex Girlfriend’s Heart)


Ah the romantic date.

This is where you are allowed to turn romance up to the max.

Yup, I am talking about hugging, kissing, making out, touching…. BUT NO SEX.

The purpose of this date is simple.

To determine whether or not your ex girlfriend is ready to re-start a relationship with you.

In my experience most women know by the third date if they are interested in a relationship with a man. In fact, I would say most men trying to get their exes back have trouble getting past date one so the fact is that if you made it this far is a good sign.

Nevertheless, sometimes women need more than three dates to determine if they are ready to restart a relationship with you.

So, on top of giving you a talk track for asking your ex girlfriend to be in a relationship with you again I am going to teach you about timing.

More specifically, when the right time is to ask her out.

Lets look at that now.

When Is The Right Time To Have a Serious Relationship Talk With Your Ex Girlfriend?

This one is all about feeling.

Particularly how your ex girlfriend is feeling.

Size her up a bit.

Believe me when I tell you that you will be able to tell just by looking into her eyes if she is digging you or if she is unsure about you.

A woman who looks in your eyes like this,

woman eyes

Probably is going to say yes when you have the inevitable “lets get back together” talk.

However, a woman who looks into your eyes like this,


Is probably going to need a little more convincing before she will say yes to getting back together.

Figuring out if she is in the right frame of mind is going to a big deal because it is going to determine whether or not you are going to use the talk track below on the third date or a date in the future.

The “Lets Get Back Together” Talk Track That Works With Ex Girlfriends

Asking an ex girlfriend to get back together with you is tricky because it’s such a nervous moment.

Your mind is riddled with the insecurity of whether or not she will say yes or no.

Just know that the talk track that I put together below is meant to maximize your chances of getting a yes while at the same time cutting down on your nervousness.

You: Can I just say that you look absolutely gorgeous tonight!

Her: Aww… thank you so much.

You: Can I ask you something?

Her: Sure!

You: These last few weeks have been so fun I can’t remember the last time I have smiled so much. I was just wanted to know where you were at with it all?

Her: I’m right there with you. I have had so much fun with you that I lose track of time sometimes.

You: Would you like that feeling to become permanent?

Her: What do you mean?

You: I am asking if you would like to become exclusive and have a relationship again?

Her: OMG YESSS!!!!!

Now, the thing that I really want to highlight here is noticed how in the talk track I zeroed in on a feeling. Specifically the feeling that the ex girlfriend was losing track of time and having so much fun and then I said,

“Would you like that feeling to become permanent?”

This is a setup for the ultimate ask.

It’s important because it build anticipation and highlights how good your ex girlfriend has been feeling.

Once you have here there then you can go in for the kill and ask for the relationship.

author avatar
Chris Seiter	

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