Today we are going to tackle the question of why your ex girlfriend might be lying to you.
Perhaps you have suspected that she has been deceitful because things have been off. You may be picking up the wrong vibes. So after some time you finally piece it together and realize she has been lying to you about many things.
In this article we are going discuss why she is lying. We are going to discuss the type of lies your ex girlfriend is telling you. We are going to get into what it might mean to your relationship if she persists in misleading you.
Let me offer you the top 5 reasons why your ex girlfriend finds it necessary to hide the truth.
But before I dive into the details, let me answer the topic question in brief:
Your ex girlfriend resorted to lying to you because deep inside she is wanting to hide a truth that if revealed will expose something she doesn’t want you to know. What she is hiding from you either serves her agenda or is intended to protect you in some manner. Hence, your ex’s reason for lying to you is either motivated by her desire to protect herself and advance her agenda or protect you indirectly.
So now that you have a brief answer to the question you started off with, let’s peel back more of the layers so you can understand this topic in a more meaningful way.
Why Does Your Ex Girlfriend Persist In Telling You Lies?
There are actually many reasons and depending on what is going on between the two of you it can get rather confusing.
Sometimes her untruths revolve around keeping secrets from you.
Her deceit can run deep, such that it happens frequently for both large and small matters.
Let talk about the top occasions in which your ex girlfriend is seeking to pull the wool over your eyes.
1. She Is Trying To Cover Up a Secret To Protect Herself
One reason why you feel deceived is because she might be trying to hide a reality that she doesn’t want you to know about.
She is afraid it could cause injury to the relationship, so she reasons that it is better not to tell you the truth.
The secret could be something that is damming (e.g. cheating) or it could be something embarrassing.
Later we will talk more about the kinds of things she might be lying to you about.
2. She is Trying To Protect You
It’s possible her lack of honesty has more to do about you than her.
She might feel inclined to stretch the truth or make up something completely false to boost your ego or protect you from something that could otherwise hurt your feelings. This often referred to as a white lie.
3. She Might Be a Pathological Liar
She might not be able to stop herself from making things up.
If this is the case, then you are dealing with some serious relationship challenges. If your ex girlfriend can lie as easily as you and I breathe, then it might be time for you to seriously consider ending things as this is a difficult environment for trust to grow.
4. Your Ex girlfriend Could Be Lying Because of Low Self Esteem
Another driving force that could explain why your girlfriend has been telling you fibs is that deep down inside she is struggling with low self esteem.
She may secretly feel she is not worthy of you and therefor needs to prop up herself in such a way to impress.
Unfortunately, in order to build up her faltering self esteem she has to spin a web of lies.
And in doing so, she will end up telling so many untruths, eventually she will get twisted up in her own deceit.
Oftentimes, this kind of behavior from your ex can put a great deal of strain on the relationship because of the erosion of trust.
And when you start to withdraw her natural reaction will be to double down and make up more stories.
5. Your Ex May Be Desperate To Hold On To You
So if you have come this far into the article, you can see how all of these things are often interconnected.
One lie leads to the next and so on and so forth until the entire relationship collapses like a stack of cards.
The more desperate your ex feels, the more willing she will be to stretch the truth or fabricate someone entirely false.
Such desperation can lead to a mentality that the ends justifies the means causing her to feel like it’s OK to continue the charade.
But obviously such behavior is only a recipe for disaster.
What Is Your Ex Girlfriend Lying About?
Sometimes you are not sure about what is going on. You might suspect she is withholding something from you.
As you try to process what is happening, you may ask yourself what might your ex girlfriend be deceiving you about. What is she hiding you will naturally ask yourself.
It can be many things, but some of the top lies usually revolve around:
- Lies about sleeping with someone
- Covering up the fact that she is seeing someone else
- Her past dating life
- Hiding the fact she is not over her ex
- Deceiving you about her financial status
- Exaggerating about her commitment to you
- Misleading you about her real reasons for breaking up
- Avoiding telling you how she really feels about your beliefs or important interests
How Do You Know She is Not Telling You the Truth?
One of the biggest traps a deceitful person will fall into is they lose track of what they have told you and invariably they will end up contradicting themselves.
So sometimes you can see clearly they have been less than square with you.
But then there are times when your ex girlfriend’s lies are not transparent.
She might be hiding behind a framework of untruths, but she may be so practiced and adept at making stuff up and making it sound believable you can’t help but fall for it.
After all, you want to believe in her.
So you have to go into every relationship knowing that people in general will fall prey to the desire to tell you something that is not true in order to advance their agenda.
It OK to trust, but if you start seeing that things don’t add up, don’t continue to trust blindly.
Ask questions. Probe gently. Give her a chance to confess without fear of reprisal.
Yes, the truth can hurt, but in the long run it will serve you both.
Time is the biggest arbitrator of what is true and factual and what is false. Allow time to be your ally. Don’t rush to judgement on what may or may not be a lie.
Falsely accusing someone of a lie only serves to spread harm to the relationship.
Should You Confront Her About Her Lies?
How do you deal with a lying ex girlfriend is one of the most common questions I get from clients.
They want to know if they should confront their ex girlfriend. My advice is usually predicated on the particulars of the situation.
Remember, in the long run, the truth will usually emerge. So if you are newly broken up, it will not benefit you to call her out as a liar, peppering her with questions and accusations.
What if you are wrong? And even if you are right, the aftermath following a breakup is usually full of all kinds of emotions and complexity and you don’t stand to gain much if you start accusing her of all kinds of things.
Though eventually, if the two of you are working toward finding common ground to reestablish the relationship, all of the lies and deceit will need to get rooted out (on both sides) so you can both start anew.
Can You Forgive Your Ex Girlfriend For Lying?
Absolutely you can.
It is imperative that you eventually get to a place where both of you can forgive each other. Rarely is it the complete fault of one person when a breakup unfolds. There is usually plenty of blame to spread around and each side likely said things that were not true.
When we are lied to or deceived we become angry and withdraw our trust, rightfully so. But if we are going to continue to have a relationship with the person who misled us on purpose, then it is important we eventually arrive at a place in our heart where we are willing to forgive.
Otherwise, the fragments of those lies stay within us and harm us in the form of anger and resentment and regret. It is important to move beyond those feelings, not just for the sake of the relationship, but for yourself.