“Do I even have a chance”, a client recently asked me? Here he was seeking help to reunite with his ex girlfriend, but he was concerned that he had gotten boxed in as the crazy ex boyfriend. He was certain that his chances were doomed because she and all her friends saw him as some kind of psycho.
Sure, he made some mistakes along the way. He did go a little crazy by sending her tons of emails and text messages, hoping she would respond. He admitted he went too far, but blamed his emotions for blinding him and making him overly obsessed with getting her back.
It turned out that the more he messaged her and insisted they talk, the worst he was making things for himself.
So why would your ex girlfriend think you are a little bit crazy? Are there certain things you should avoid saying or doing so you are not cast off as some kind of crazed ex boyfriend?
We are going to get into all that. But you should know that if your ex girlfriend is avoiding you and telling everyone you’re crazy, then you are going to need to take certain steps to turn that image around.
Let’s talk first about those things which can happen that can result in you getting characterized as “crazy”. Then I am going to tell you how to handle each of these situations. You see, sometimes what you really need is an Ex Recovery Plan.
Our aim here is to get you out of this mess.
5 Reasons Why Your Ex Girlfriend Thinks You Are Crazy and Out of Control
1. Your Ex Girlfriend Is Angry and Accuses You of Being Nuts and Wants Nothing To Do With You
I know it hurts when your ex girlfriend pushes you far away.
But bear in mind she may be saying hurtful stuff about you for the sake of hurting you. Even if you melted down and said some things that you later regret, all she will likely remember is the crazy stuff you said.
Try not to get too lost in this kind of thing because it happens. Your emotions and passions might take you over the top to such an extent that you freak out our ex girlfriend and she reacts and tells you and perhaps others that you are out of control.
Naturally you will say more things which will just end up ratcheting up the tension.
Soon things begin to build on itself and the more you misbehave, the more it becomes true in her mind. Now you are stuck with a label which may not be entirely true.
2. Your Ex Girlfriend Thinks You Are a Psycho Because Her Friends Told Her So
Sometimes you get stuck with the label as a psycho ex boyfriend because her girlfriend’s are conspiring against you to make you look as bad as possible.
Why would they do this?
Well, there are scores of reason why her friends may poison her mind.
Maybe you lost it for a short moment and her friends catch wind of it and go back to her to report everything you said and did. What your ex girlfriend might not understand is that you were just venting and blowing off some steam. But it doesn’t take much for gossip to run rampant, turning you into its victim.
3. Your Ex Girlfriend Accuses You of Being Crazy Because of a Misunderstanding Over Something You Said
We can all sometimes say something that is taken wrong.
It can often happen in the heat of the moment. So imagine you and your ex are arguing and she says something that just flips you out and you start screaming and storming about, possibly even making some veiled threats.
You do this long enough, guess what? You are going to fall into the crazy ex boyfriend category. Maybe it all started over a simple misunderstanding. And given that their is usually already some tension between exes, it doesn’t take much for passions to get inflamed and accusations to fly.
4. You Have Been Acting A Little Crazy and Out of Control.
Just maybe you have been acting a bit crazy and inside you are just burning up with rage.
So if you let that show, then guess what? You are going to get labeled as the crazy ex boyfriend.
It might feel like a relief to get it out, but if you become unglued in front of your ex girlfriend, you are probably going to scare her.
That certainly won’t help your case. Chances are that your ex is already overly sensitive to just about everything you say and do.
So when you are stomping around and declaring in the loudest of voices that she did you wrong and is to blame, guess what happens?
She is going to shut you out. So yes, acting crazy and being out of control is not going to help advance your chances of winning her back. It will make you look less attractive and even scary.
5. Somebody Started a Rumor That You Were Freaking Out and Acting Weird
So maybe this breakup was really hard on you.
Perhaps it was so devastating to you that you started acting weird. Maybe you start doing some weird things to get attention from your ex.
Sometimes we do this unconsciously. Other times, it can be a strategy someone might use to get attention.
Trust me – if you purposely acting weird to freak out your ex girlfriend and shake her up a bit, it’s a terrible idea. It will only confuse and scar her off and making her feel less secure about being around you.
And it does not bode well for your long term success in getting her back if she thinks you are some kind of mental case or if she has to contemplate getting a restraining order on you because you are showing up at her door in the middle of the night or stalking her.
So forget about doing weird stuff or acting out. If that is what has been going on, then its time to clean up your act.
Or maybe it was all a rumor. Maybe someone was trying to screw up your image. You know how rumors start. Often out of malice. So if there is a false rumor out there about you and your behavior, its best to have a friend clear it up with her so she doesn’t fall for it.
How Do I Win Her Back If She Thinks I Am Crazy or Out of Control?
First of all, she probably knows you are not crazy. Maybe you are crazy in love if you have been begging incessantly for her to give you another chance or freaking out when you heard she was seeing someone else. So don’t worry so much about the crazy ex boyfriend tag. If there is some real feelings between you and your ex, that crazy tag won’t stick for long.
It’s a label that get thrown around far too often. Trust me. Just about everybody who goes through a breakup will feel a little insane. It may feel like your life is melting down and you will feel desperate to get her back, not matter what.
So in a way, these crazy feelings and thoughts that run through your mind are pretty normal. At least to the extent that don’t go on and on.
So how do you win her back if it looks like the deck is stacked against you? How do you convince you ex girlfriend to even entertain getting back with you if she thinks you have gone off the deep end and are unstable?
For starters, you are going to need an Action Plan. So try this one on for size. We will call it “The Dispelling the Crazy Ex Rumors Action Plan.”
1. Don’t Suddenly Contact Her To Try To Set Her Straight
You can’t control what others say and nor can you totally control what your ex girlfriend thinks about you right now. She will likely have lot of emotions influencing her outlook about you and will likely not be predisposed to hear your side at this moment. Allow for some time to pass before you try and correct any false or vicious rumors. I can’t tell you how many time a guy has reached out to their ex girlfriend to set the story straight, only to make things worse because they themselves were not ready to calmly deal with what they may hear from their ex girlfriend.
2. Don’t Feed Into the False Narrative By Giving In To Your Worse Self
All of us have a good side that shines bright most of the time, but we also have within ourselves a darker side. So naturally, if your ex girlfriend is going around telling everyone that you were the worst boyfriend and she was crazy to get mixed up with somebody as nutty as you, you are going to feel like you need to strike back.
You may feel she is spreading lies or perhaps someone has lied to her about you and how you have been behaving. So don’t lash out or get into confrontations. If you give in to your dark side, then it’s only going to make matters worst and confirm the very thing you were trying to dispel.
3. Find Someone Who Will Be Your Advocate and Show You Are Not Out of Control
When you are teetering on the edge of being completely cut from her life and labeled as the guy who lost control, you need to address it. But sometimes it’s best not to address it directly with your ex gf. That could be opening up Pandora’s box. It may be a better approach for you to find someone she knows and trusts and who will, at the right time, take her aside and let her know that whatever she is hearing or thinking is not true. Sometimes we need an advocate who can speak on our behalf.
4. Use Social Media To Showcase How Things Are Really Going For You
Another way to turn the tide of negative press about you is to show that you are getting alone fairly well.
So consider using social media (Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, etc) to paint a picture of someone who has not lost it all or is coming unglued. This can go a long ways in counteracting the negative image you might have about a guy who is just flipping out.
Another word of advice. Don’t go overboard trying to show that you are not some crazy guy. Don’t give in to the temptation of frequently posting all kinds of unrealistic pics or glorious posts about how wonderful your are doing.
The truth is that it’s OK to be a little bit sad. That will look normal to her. But you can also project the persona of a guy who is picking up the pieces and moving on.
5. Remember the Power of Giving Her Some Space And Time
No matter what is out there circulating – all the untruths about you and your state of mind, don’t forget that giving her some room and space is going to almost always be your number one strategy.
If you put a full court press on her trying to show you got it all together, she most likely will be turned off.
Chances are the two of your are mirroring each other. If you are going through a rough patch, then so too will you ex girlfriend. At least, it’s more likely than not.
So don’t think you can go save her or fix her. She might not even need saving or fixing and may resent you even more for interfering in her private space. Your focus should be on getting yourself right. Save yourself first. Then you will be in a position to do the other things that can help pull the two of you together.
6. The Comeback Trail Is a Series Of Small Steps – Not One Crazy or Desperate Move
One of the worst mistakes I see a lot of guys commit is to rush through the process.
They may start up No Contact, then after a few days, toss it aside and start trying to contact their ex. It’s better to come up with a sensible ex back plan, then stick with it.
And when you finally get around to trying to contact her again, it not something you want to do without preparation. You want to think in terms of small steps – baby steps. I cover all this in my Program as there is a strategic way you can go about trying to resume communications
7. Tap Into a Sensible Ex Recovery Plan That Showcases You Have Your Act Together
When it’s time to create that series of moments and experiences that will help the two of you rebuild the relationship, its not going to happen just because you got lucky or your horoscope was pointing to this as being an opportunistic time.
When it’s time to make your move it will be only after you have implemented a number of the strategies I discuss in my eBook, “EGR PRO“.
You have to lay down a foundation of stability. And if you are going to come across as someone who has his act together, then you want to be able to show that over time.
It can’t be a one time deal where you had a couple of really good days. She is going to want to see you are not prone to losing it. So the longer you wait, the better.