So if you have broken up with your ex girlfriend or if she dumped you, one of the most common questions I get from guys trying to deal with the post breakup period is whether they should continue to talk and text with their ex.
And if you choose to do so, then how should you go about it?
So ask yourself. What is the best course of action when it comes to post breakup communications, whether it be phone calls, in person contact, social media, or everyday texting?
Well, as you might expect, there is no one surefire way of handling this.
Because it depends on many factors and circumstances that are in play. Indeed, if you have not done so, check out one of my best resources on dealing with all of this. I call it Ex Girlfriend Recovery Pro.
So let’s outline 7 common breakup scenarios.
This will be the best way for me to walk you through how you might want to go about handling things during this confusing and possibly testy period.
Scenario 1: She Broke Up With Me and Told Me To Leave Her Along
So should you talk to your ex girlfriend after the breakup if she initiated the break and told you to stay clear?
The short answer is absolutely not.
Now I know there is this figment of a thought probably lurking in the back of your mind that is telling you that “she did and said all those things, but really does not mean it”.
And do you know something? You might be right.
She might be testing you to see just how motivated you are to chase her down. But even if you are right, the smart play is not to try and talk with her or text her. Avoid checking up on how she is doing.
Sure, she might get a bit annoyed you made no effort. Or on the other side of the coin, she may get really upset that you completely ignored her when she told you to stay away. Either way, you will more often than not benefit in the long run if your steer clear of her.
Think of it as a No Contact Period.
Give her (and yourself) the necessary time to do some healing and recover from all of this mess and put forth a Plan that will help you down the road. That is what I specialize in…Ex Recovery Plans!
Scenario 2: I Dumped Her But Am Not Sure What I Want
So if you did the dumping of your ex girlfriend, should you keep in touch with her? And if not, how long should you wait to talk to your ex after the breakup?
Should you wait a few days or plan on talking to your ex after a few weeks or months?
Once again, the answer depends on the circumstances. But in most cases, you will not want to hold off for weeks or months to talk and text with your ex girlfriend if you instigated the break up.
In many situations, it would be a good move to touch base with her after a few days (or sooner) to check up on how she is doing. It shows you care and are willing to open up and talk about your feelings and her feelings too.
You don’t want to burn your bridges if you are unsure about things. Be honest with her about this.
Of course, this can be a tricky thing depending on how the breakup took place and what was said and how hard your ex is taking things. She may not want to hear from you and if that is the case, then pull back.
But in most situations in which the two parties are not really sure what they want or how to sort through all the confusing and conflicting signals, keeping the communication open is usually a good move.
Scenario 3: We Broke Up and Now She Has a New Boyfriend – Should I Text or Call Her?
It really depends on where you are in the post breakup period.
Sometimes it’s best to employ No Contact and let it work its magic. But in other cases, it may be best to employ an approach I call, “The Being There Method”, which means in short that you maintain a positive line of communications with your ex girlfriend. This can keep you in the loop and in her mind, particularly if you do it properly.
So what do I mean by doing it properly?
Essentially, put you best foot forward in all regards. Show her all the positive attributes you have and continue to work to reinforce and grow your value in her eyes.
Meanwhile, her new boyfriend may take note that she is still chatty with you and may not like it.
Scenario 4: She Wants To Keep Being Friends and Expects Me To Text or Call Her Every Day
Often, maintaining contact with your ex girlfriend by way of text or continuous phone calls is not the best strategy. She ends up getting a piece of you and you end up settling for less than what you want.
Often this can cause you a lot of internal frustration, causing it to spill over in your conversations and hurting you more in the long run.
Now after saying that, I will admit that sometimes, given certain situations, it may be best to keep the communication channel open, but doing so in a way in which you are not always immediately available.
Your ex could be in that in-between phase of not knowing really what she wants and needs time to work through it, but does not want to cut off all contact.
There are cases in which you can play the strategy of maintaining some contact for the short term to see whether things start to move in a better direction. But I would be cautious about doing this for weeks at a time.
Scenario 5: She Keeps Contacting Me During the No Contact Period – Should I Call My Ex?
The answer is usually No, don’t respond to her.
It is almost always best to stay true to your No Contact Period.
There are many reasons for this. I talk about it throughout my website and of course in my Ex Recovery Program which you can learn more about here!
I wrote a book called the No Contact Rule Book that deals with this topic in detail. When do you make exceptions? What must be in place before you chance reaching out to her again? If you do so too soon, you could end up blowing things up with your ex girlfriend?
I delve into all of these questions and more in my Ex Girlfriend Recovery System.
Scenario 6: No Contact Has Ended – How Do I Go About Texting or Calling My Ex Girlfriend?
So you have worked very hard to do all the things I have taught you during the No Contact Period. You should be feeling a lot better and your chances of getting her back should have increased.
So now what?
Well, it’s time for making that all important first contact.
I recommend you start slowly, but with a particular strategy. Try texting her first, but not just any kind of text that your conjure up in your mind. It needs to be of the type that I talk about in my eBook, “The Texting Bible“.
I have written a ton of articles too that you can find on my website that deal with the texting and calling strategy after no contact is over. So after you get through reading this article, feel free to peruse the rest of my website!
Scenario 7: Should I Comment or Post on my Ex Girlfriend’s Social Media Pages?
So as you are wondering if you should ever talk to your ex again….and as you reflect on topics to talk about with your ex girlfriend when it’s time – even if you have not talked with her for what seems like forever – just know that you first need to know a few basics about social media strategies for exes.
Now I am not a hard and fast kind of guy about rules. I think breakup situations are far to complex to reduce things to simple rules. But, sometimes to convey what almost always seems to work, it is best to put it in terms of rules. So let’s give it try. But remember, just because it is a rule does not mean you must absolutely be ruled by it in every situation.
- Rule 1: Avoid commenting on your ex girlfriend’s Facebook, Instagram, Whats App, or whichever platforms she uses. You are just going to get sucked into saying things you may later regret, particularly if you are suppose to be observing the No Contact Rule
- Rule 2: Do make your presence known through your own social media accounts. Show yourself as someone who has value and is looking to grow and become the best version of yourself. Chances are that your ex girlfriend will be checking you out and you can make use of language and pics and showcase certain experiences to convey an attractive image.
- Rule 3: Be careful in using jealousy on your Social Media Pages as this tactic, if improperly executed, can backfire. If it is part of your overall strategy, given your situation, remember that “less is more”. Be subtle or even mysterious on that topic. That is usually a better tack to take.