If you have been in a breakup, you are probably wondering what you should and shouldn’t say to your ex girlfriend. You may be wondering if you should just tell her that you still love her. Secretly, you may be hoping that expressing your undying love for her will eliminate any doubt she may have about your feelings.
You would be surprised at how often this question comes up when I consult to those seeking help with their split up.
First, let me give you the short answer to this question. Then I will weigh in more about why it is a good or bad idea to profess your total and complete love for this girl who has been such an important part of your life.
So here we go. Immediately following the breakup, it would be wise not to specifically tell your ex girlfriend you love her. She likely already knows you still love her and sharing with her this sentiment will just cause her to feel guilt and potentially make you look desperate.
But you may ask yourself if you should ever tell her how you still feel. You may ask yourself when do you share these feelings. Let’s explore these questions.
What is Wrong With Telling My Ex Girlfriend I Love Her Still?
There is time and place for most everything when dealing with a breakup. If you play your cards at the wrong time or in the wrong way, you may end up chasing her away.
In the final analysis, there is nothing inherently wrong in telling your ex you love her. It comes down to timing and place. Expressing such a heartfelt sentiment is not going to get you much traction immediately following the breakup. And showing up at her house or calling her in the wee hours of the night to spread the love is likely to backfire.
As I mentioned, it will likely foul things up in the sense that she may feel you are trying to guilt trip her. Also, the effectiveness of such an utterance loses a lot of its steam if you just throw out there at the wrong time or with far too much usage.
The L word is something that is too often overused. And if you want to gain the full import of telling her you love her then wait until it can make the most impact. I will talk about that in just a minute.
When Should I Express To My Ex Girlfriend That I Am Still Deeply In Love With Her?
Telling your ex girlfriend that you are still deeply in love with her is all about timing and circumstance. If you are too quick off the mark, you can open yourself up for disappointment.
Now don’t get yourself in a funk about her not caring about you any longer. In most cases, an ex may not say how they really feel, but trust that their feelings of love have not just evaporated in thin air.
Your ex girlfriend is going to need some time to process things. So rushing into telling her those three special words is not going to play to your advantage.
Allow some weeks to go by. Chances are that you are already involved in a No Contact period. Either she is employing it or you have decided that no contact is the way to go.
So let things play out. Take time to find yourself and work on your ex recovery plan. Be reminded that whatever plan you have in place, it should balance your own personal recovery as well as doing those things that will ultimately increase her attraction for you.
None of that happens in a few days or even a few weeks.
So yes, I know you love her still and you are dying to tell her. But patience is your ally now.
The optimum time to tell her your truest feelings is after the two of you have been able to establish contact again. But don’t tell her about your loving feelings immediately. First, you need to gain some traction with her and spend some quality time together.
What does this look like?
I am talking about having multiple conversations that are positive and constructive and eventually a meeting up with her.
It will be evident to you when she begins to reciprocate in that uncertain way that spells love.
There is no magic time of day or place or location. There won’t be any special words you need to say or a special place you must take her to. Though it may help as you are building up to the moment of your love confession to revisit some of the old haunts or stomping grounds.
The time to tell your ex girlfriend you love her will evolve naturally after you both have become reacquainted in many ways.
The circumstance will be when the two of your intersect emotionally, both feeling something was lost by breaking up and that something can be gained if you stay together as a couple.
More often that not, this won’t be realized until you spend some quality time together unfettered by arguments and conflicts.
Then there will be a moment to utter those three special words. It will be obvious to you both. And the words and feelings will be as natural as breathing.
Why Is It Important To Tell Your Ex Girlfriend You Love Her?
Now you might be wondering why is it important and tell my ex that I am still in love with her. It is true she will likely know how you really feel through your actions and efforts and the words you use and the tone you employ.
Your ex girlfriend has a sort of radar so she will be sensing how you really feel, long before you tell her. But telling her you love her will still be very important to her.
Not just for the validation of what she already knows in her heart. But her hearing you utter those beautiful words will be important to her on an emotional level. Knowing something in your heart or mind is one thing. Hearing it said in person in an intimate moment is altogether another thing.
So yes, tell your ex girlfriend you love her and how much you love her. But choose your time wisely.
And don’t just blurt out the words. Say it with feeling and explain in the tenderest way you can muster why you feel this way.