It’s a good question. It really is.
You and your ex girlfriend experience a breakup. You know you need to give her some room. She may have asked for it. Or maybe instinctively you know it’s best not to bother her are otherwise you could make things worse.
So how much space and time should you give to your ex girlfriend?
What will happen during this period when you are staying out of her life?
Will she hate you for it?
Or will she appreciate you are not coming around and bothering her.
Let me just say here at the top of this article that how much space and time you give to your ex girlfriend really depends on many factors.
And guess what? You will be best served by having a sensible Ex Recovery Plan to see you through this period.
The Game Plan For How Much Time and Space You Give to Your Ex Girlfriend
So what I am going to do in the article is outline a strategy for you depending on your situation.
You see, not every Ex Girlfriend Recovery Game Plan is going to be the same. There are so many variables one should take into account.
Should you give her some room to get over the breakup. Just how much time and space is appropriate?
Getting an answers to those questions is the first hurdle you need to clear before embarking on your get her back strategy.
And if it looks like the answer to the first question is a big YES, then from there you need to come up with a plan that gives her plenty of room, yet also has other components that can help you get her back.
Trust me, it may tear you up inside, but chances are that you need space to be alone to figure things out as much as she does.
What I don’t want you to do is muck up anything – making things worse for yourself and her by putting too much pressure on your ex girlfriend.
So let’s explore your range of options according to the situation you might be facing:
If You Broke Up With Her
So if you instigated the breakup, chances are that even if you later changed your mind it would be most unwise to try to rush on back.
Give your ex girlfriend plenty of room before trying to check in with her to see how she is doing. Don’t crowd her.
And remember, you should not jump right back into the relationship because if you are the one that got out of it, then perhaps you could be making a mistake in trying to reconnect too soon.
Sometimes, after a week or two, things become clearer about how to proceed. You will be able to get a gauge on her readiness level of possibly resuming the relationship during this time – assuming that is the direction you wish to go.
But don’t think you hold all the cards. While you may have ended things with her, she may not be in a forgiving mood. It could take a lot of time for her to figure our what she wants.
So if you dumped her, think of the post breakup period as a time where you need to be flexible.
It may not even been necessary to implement a formal no contact period in which you shut down all communications.
At least not unless she puts up resistance. If that is the case then you need to think about a more traditional style of no contact so you can implement some of those things I teach in my Ex Girlfriend Recovery Program.
If She Broke Up With You – Consider a Traditional No Contact Period
What if your ex girlfriend triggered the breakup?
In such a case, you will want to give her plenty of space and time to come to appreciate what you really have to offer.
We are talking a full on No Contact period of 21 to 30 days. Maybe even longer.
You see, when your ex girlfriend wants to call it quits, no amount of begging or pleading is going to make things better. What is better is to give her plenty of space and embark on your ex recovery strategy.
You can use this time to work on yourself. There is also something about the passage of time that can end up easing the tensions and reminding your ex about the good times she had with you, leaving her lonely and reflective.
If You Had A Positive Long Term Relationship Then Try Giving Her Some Space Before You Reach Out
In those situations in which you and your ex girlfriend have been together like almost forever and if this experience of breaking up is relatively new to you both, then in most cases you don’t need to go overboard with ignoring her.
Sure, you need to get out of her way and you also need to get your head together. But you should be able to leverage all those years together to make some inroads in opening up the communication channels sometime during that first week after the breakup.
But I am talking little steps – little moves. A breakup is a serious matter and so rushing to a solution and forgetting it ever happened could doom you both into making the same mistake.
Bear in mind, every breakup situation is different and the amount of space and time that is appropriate is a judgement call.
I have seen some long term couples part ways, only to find each other within days realizing the folly of their ways. In those situations they worked diligently to understand the problems and jointly come up with actionable solutions.
Then again there are some couples that have been together for a long time, but had troubles along the way. Such a scenario may require a lot more separation and patience.
When things bubble up to a volcanic eruption, the last thing you want are two angry and bitter people in each other’s faces.
You Have Not Been Together Very Long So Give Each Other the Benefit of the Doubt
So if the two of you have just met and the relationship is only a few months old, then it’s not unusual for there to be some trouble in paradise after the initial honeymoon period is over.
So if there has been a falling out under these circumstances, a little time apart will do you both good. But I wouldn’t advise a lengthy period, unless there were a lot of complications with the relationship and breakup.
If this was just a blow up of some sorts and you both walked in different directions, give each other up to a week to sort through some of the feelings, then try reaching out to make peace.
If the two of you can’t come to terms, then possibly you need to a longer period apart in which case you would be looking at No Contact.
Let me again underscore that with all of these breakup situations, how you go about handling them is predicated on numerous factors surrounding the split. There is no such thing as one solution fits all.
So what may be applicable in one situation, in terms of giving your ex some space and time, may be different for another couple.
It Was a Bad Breakup So Give Each Other Wide Birth
If things went terribly wrong with the relationship and the parting of ways was particularly difficult, causing a lot of pain, then it would probably be best to implement a formal No Contact period in the range of thirty days or more.
It is never easy to recover quickly from a chaotic breakup situation, particularly if it has hit crisis mode.
You are both going to need plenty of time to heal and recover and reflect on what is best.
Now I should mention though that sometimes two passionate people can have a terrible fight and things can look really bad.
But if the relationship has been otherwise solid, then it is altogether plausible that two such individuals can find their way back to each other sooner than expected.
Hence, the amount of space you need to give to your ex after a big falling out is not just predicated on how intense the breakup was, but rather the multitude of factors that are associated with the entirety of the relationship.
If There Was Cheating Involved Then a Longer Break From Each Other May Be In Order
If cheating happened on your end, you better believe that your ex girlfriend is going to need some space to sort out what has happened and how she really feels about it short term and long term.
There will be a mountain of emotions for her to contend with.
Even if you come running back with promises that your cheating ways were a horrendous mistake and you will never do it again…..guess what…..just seeing and hearing from you will likely enrage her even more
You see, cheating is probably one of the worst things you can be caught doing. It’s going to take time to get to a place in which your ex girlfriend is even willing to work with you to repair the relationship.
Trust has been eroded. Don’t expect it to return by saying and doing some really nice things.
So give you ex girlfriend as much time as she demands.
Of course, she may say she never wants to see you again. But you don’t have to wait until infinity has passed us by. That would be a long wait.
But depending on some of the other factors around the relationship, at the minimum, you want to give her clear berth for up to a few weeks.
But you don’t necessarily need to fall right into a strict no contact period. If she reaches out and wants to talk, then accommodate her.
Remember, you did this thing and you sure don’t want to add to her anger by shutting her out and ignoring her.
Now how you handle a meeting with your ex is another matter. I don’t have time to cover that in this post.
But in summary, give her wide berth and allow your ex time to process things.
There Have Been Repeated Breakups With Your Ex Girlfriend
If the two of you have a deep history of breakups then something meaningful needs to change.
This cycle of repeated breakups has to end.
I see this often in my practice. A guy will come to me and tell me he and his ex have broken up a half dozen times or more. He will want to know what he should do this time.
Well, the simple answer is that it is insane to keep doing the same things that brought you to another breakup.
So if you are party to a relationship that is plagued by lots of breakups, it’s time for a long break.
You should consider an extended No Contact period in which you convey to your ex girlfriend that you are going to need a lot of time to reflect and work on things before even considering another go at it.
It is unhealthy to continue forward in a relationship if it’s mired by conflict and multiple breakups.
My advice is run out and go pick up my eBook, “Ex Girlfriend Recovery Pro” and start reading up on how to change this dynamic.