A few weeks ago I was on a coaching call where a client asked me a very simple question,
“Chris, how do I tell my ex that I still have feelings for them?”
My answer was really simple, “why don’t you read the article I wrote about it.”
To which they replied, “you don’t have an article about it.”
And after digging around Ex Girlfriend Recovery I realized that they were right. I’ve written a lot of articles here but one thing I haven’t ever covered was how to actually tell an ex that you still have feelings for them. Heck, I haven’t even talked about how to broach that subject with them.
What’s the protocol?
Well that’s what we are here to discover.
How To Tell Your Ex You Still Have Feelings For Them
Telling an ex that you still care about them or love them is a lot easier than you think. In fact, I have boiled the process down into four simple steps for you,
- Engage your ex in a series of deep conversations
- Use these conversations to change your exes perception of you
- When your ex is hooked invite them on a date
- Tell them you still have feelings for them during the best part of that date
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Ok, maybe I am making it sound a lot easier than it actually is. After all, you are probably reading that list and are literally thinking,
“What does it all mean?”
Well, if that’s you then have no fear because what I’d like to do now is take each one of the steps above and elaborate upon them.
1. Engage Your Ex In A Series Of Deep Conversations
Let’s say that you want to tell your ex that you are in love with them.
One of the best ways to fall flat on your face is to tell them that without actually having a foundation built.
Deep conversations are the foundation upon which all commitments are made.
When I was planning this article out the first thing I had to consider was why you wanted to tell your ex that you still had feelings for them. After much consideration I determined that you probably wanted to tell them that because you had feelings and wanted a commitment.
Therefore, your overall goal by telling them that you have feelings for them is that you want them to reciprocate and have the two of you skip down the road happily ever after.
And in order to do that we need to build you a foundation of deep conversations.
Understand What A Deep Conversation Is
Have you ever had a conversation with someone where things just seemed naturally effortless.
You were vibing, they were vibing and you just seemed to click without even trying.
That is what we are going for here.
So, what I’d like to do for you now is give you my very best tip on how to have one of these conversations and it all starts with the idea of shared interests.
One of my favorite movies to quote is High Fidelity.
Famously the protagonist of the movie once posited that,
It’s not about what your like, it’s about what you like.
It’s a sad reality but it’s the truth.
Basically if you steer your conversations with your ex towards shared interests that both of you love then you’ll find conversations flow so much easier than before.
Another thing I’d recommend is checking out this video I filmed that can help you seem more interesting to your ex,
It’s something I did that is mostly for women but a lot of the concepts can be applied if you are trying to get a woman back as well.
2. Use These Conversations To Change Your Exes Perception Of You
One thing that most of the people I work with don’t seem to realize is that your ex has a certain perception of you and often it’s that perception that ruins your chances of getting them to reciprocate feelings for you.
So, in step one we talked a lot about having those deep conversations with your ex but what we didn’t talk about was your goal during those conversations.
Your goal here is to change whatever preconceived notions your ex has about you that is preventing them from falling for you.
Lets pretend that your ex thinks you are a jerk.
That is their perception of you.
Well, as nice as it would be to just tell them that you aren’t it’s not as effective as showing them.
Show Don’t Tell To Change Perception
Aspiring novelists often get one consistent criticism when they turn their books into editors.
Show don’t tell
Editors know that for a reader to feel a connection to a character it’s much more effective for the novelist to show the reader what they are going through as opposed to telling them. The same principle applies to your ex.
If your ex thinks that you are a jerk, rather than telling them that you aren’t why don’t you show them that you aren’t.
Of course, the question you have at this point is,
Ok, well how do I do that?
Easy, maybe you post on Facebook that you are volunteering to fix up houses for the helpless.
Heck, maybe you don’t immediately respond to your exes texts and apologize with,
While technically you are telling your ex something you are doing it in a clever way that highlights the “showing” aspect.
So, basically what you are going for here is to determine all the negative perceptions your ex has of you and then to show them that they are wrong by dispelling them one by one.
3. When Your Ex Is Hooked Invite Them On A Date
You are probably sitting there wondering when we are going to get to the part where we tell your ex that we can about them but just trust me when I say certain things have to happen first.
Our strategy so far has been focused on priming your ex and now is where we get to the part where we set your ex up to hear from you.
So, if we were to visualize where we are at this point it would look something like this,
So, basically everything that we have done up until this point is to get your ex into the right frame of mind to be ready to hear something as big as,
“I still love you…”
But lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Currently we need to set up a date so that you “set the stage” for a reconnection and what I’d like to do now is give you my very best tip for getting a date with your ex.
Invite Your Ex On A Date Don’t Ask Them
There is a stigma with dates. This is especially true when it comes to breakups.
In order to overcome that stigma you aren’t going to be asking your ex out on a date you are going to be inviting them somewhere that they actually want to go.
If you take a big picture view of dating really getting another individual to go out with you is pretty easy. All you have to do is answer one simple question.
What’s in it for them?
Yes, there is that pesky stigma that we still have to get past but as long as you frame the date as an invitation and you create a sense of urgency you should be solid.
I’d like to spend some time talking about those two things now.
Get Rid Of The Dating Stigma And Create A Sense Of Urgency
Exes tend to look at dates as pressure packed situations.
So, one way to get past this negative stigma is to reframe the way they view it by inviting them to an event that they really want to go to.
Lets pretend that you scored tickets to the premiere of some big movie but you only have two tickets.
Well, what we are going to do is use those tickets to invite your ex to the premiere but this plan only works if you include it with a sense of urgency.
There are only two tickets to this premiere, right?
Well what if we say that if he doesn’t agree to go with you then those tickets are going to go to someone else.
This should create enough of an urgency for him to want to act fast.
And the best part is that if you admit to him openly that you are willing to take someone else it kind of makes this “date” not seem like a date.
4. Tell Them That You Still Have Feelings For Them During The Best Part Of The Date
Last year I worked with a woman who wanted nothing more than to have her ex commit to her but no matter what she tried she couldn’t get him to agree.
The crazy part is that they were doing everything that a normal couple would do with the exception of having sex.
- They were going on dates.
- They were holding hands.
- They were kissing.
- They were planning out future dates.
But despite all of that her ex still wouldn’t commit to her.
So, she asked me one day,
Chris, how can I get this guy to commit to me?
My answer was really simple.
You need to take him on a romantic date and then during the best part of that date you need to ask one simple question,
“So, what are we?”
But the question that matters to you is why it worked.
For the longest time I have posited that people tend to take bad news better when they are in a good mood and while having you declare your feelings to your ex isn’t “bad news” it can be certainly construed as controversial.
So, I say why not stack the odds in your favor by telling your ex that you have feelings for them during the best part of the date.
Make Sure You Locate The High Point
If you spend any time on Ex Girlfriend Recovery you’ll hear me talk a lot about finding the high point in conversations and on dates. This is an important skill for you to master because this is going to be what you use to determine when you tell your ex your feelings.
So, how do you do it?
Well, quite honestly I don’t know.
I’ve always located the high point by identifying the part of a conversation or date where I have literally stopped and thought,
I don’t want this to end. I just want to feel like this forever
Generally when you think that your partner should be feeling that too unless there is a severe disconnect between the two of you.
In other words, this is really a gut reaction we are going for here.
How To Tell Your Ex You Still Have Feelings For Them
What do you say when the time comes to tell them how you feel?
Well, in my opinion the best way to go about this so that you get reciprocation is to do it in moderation.
In other words, rather than sitting across from your ex and looking into their eyes and just bearing your soul you should tell them how you feel in a small way.
For example, lets say you use the statement,
“I miss it when you used to xyz”
This will give your ex a chance to respond and elaborate.
Ideally if this works out perfectly it’ll look something like this,
- You tell him how you feel
- He tells you how he feels
- You tell him how you feel
- He tells you how he feels
And it just keeps going on and on like that.
This is a much more effective way to go about it as opposed to just bearing your soul.
Don’t Be Afraid To Ask Me For Help
One thing that I want to let you know is that I try to be very in tune with my visitors.
So, I’d like to take a minute to let you know that if anything confused you about this article or there is something you need clarified don’t be afraid to leave a comment below. I promise you that me or a member of my team will respond to you.
In other words, you will get an answer!
So, ask 🙂 .