I know that you can’t stop thinking about your ex girlfriend.
And believe me, I am not here to make you feel bad about that fact or to convince you otherwise like some of your friends and family may try to do.
Instead, I intend to create something for you to lean on in your time of need.
When I first started Ex Girlfriend Recovery I honestly wasn’t sure how it was going to pan out. I wasn’t sure if it would be successful or if I was just wasting my time. And I am not going to lie to you.
Those first few months I spent working on this site felt kind of like a waste of time.
No one visited the website.
No one commented on my articles.
Hell, I couldn’t even get a Facebook Like or Share to save my life.
I even remember thinking,
Hmm… Maybe men don’t think about their exes as much as women.
Boy was I wrong.
Turns out that not only do men think about their exes as much as women do but they do some of the craziest things when they are obsessing about their exes.
My Chess Analogy
Look, I don’t know what you are trying to accomplish yet.
I don’t know if you are trying to get your ex back or if you are just trying to get over her.
Though if I were a betting man I would say that you are most likely trying to get your ex girlfriend back.
And if you are familiar with my writing on this website then what I am about to say next may sound familiar.
Getting an ex girlfriend is a lot like playing chess
It’s nothing more than a dangerous game that you can lose if you make one wrong move.
To date we get a little over a quarter of a million men visiting this website every single month,
And you want to know the best part about having that many people come to your website?
No just kidding!
It’s the fact that I can fine tune my ideas and truly find out what works when it comes to getting an ex back.
And by fine tuning my overall strategy it essentially means that you are going to be able to play a better game of chess 😉 .
I’ll give you an example.
Last year I compiled all the success stories I had on record and started looking for any new insights I could learn from them.
I was shocked when I started finding a correlation between men who completely moved on from their ex and men who had their exes beg for them back.
In other words, according to my own independent research the men who were most successful in getting their exes back,
- Weren’t obsessed about them
- Had actually moved on from them
This point was hammered home in a recent interview I did with my friend Erik Newton who actually interviews couples for a living,
In this interview Erik claims that you’ll find that once you are truly over someone (and I mean truly over them) is when they find you most attractive.
An interesting idea that I have seen hold true time and time again.
So, let me leave you with this nugget of knowledge.
The person who typically wins the game of “ex chess” is the person who can get over the breakup first. That’s generally the person with the most power.
It’s A Mistake To Obsess About Your Ex Too Much
I said at the beginning of this article that my aim here wasn’t to make you feel bad for obsessing over your ex.
However, just because it’s not my intention to make you feel bad doesn’t mean I won’t tell you the truth.
The Truth You Need To Accept: Obsessing Over Your Ex Is The BIGGEST Mistake You Can Make
Because usually obsession leads to desperation and desperation leads to doing something stupid that can harm your chances.
I’ll give you an example.
A few weeks ago I heard from someone who was absolutely desperate to get their ex back. In fact, this person was so desperate that they had somehow convinced themselves that it would be a good idea to text their ex the following,
Apparently this person had been watching a rerun of the Addams Family and thought that her boyfriend reminded her of this,
Now, this person wasn’t trying to be mean or hurtful. Instead, she was just trying to think of a way to connect with her ex and she thought that this was the best way.
However, because she wasn’t calm and made a rash decision to text her ex this all she ended up doing was upsetting him and drastically ruining her chances of a successfully winning him back.
The Secret Weapon To Getting Your Ex Back
Have you ever heard me use the phrase “moving on without moving on?”
It’s a phrase that I use quite often but it always seems to confuse the hell out of the people I am teaching it to.
So, allow me to clear that up for you!
Moving On Without Moving On: Simply means that you are going to take the necessary steps to move on from your ex with the intention of making her fall for you again.
But perhaps the reason that this concept is so confusing for men is the fact that it’s so counter intuitive.
I mean, it stands to reason that the best way to get your ex girlfriend back would be to actually do something to get her back.
Something like making her jealous, sending a perfect text message or saying the perfect thing.
And oftentimes you will have to do these types of things to get her back but to rely on one is a shortsighted way to approach the situation. Besides, I have already established that I have found a correlation between a man getting over his ex girlfriend and the ex girlfriend coming back into the picture.
So, here’s my idea.
Why not take the necessary steps to “get over her” while at the same time doing everything I suggest on this site to raise your chances of success?
Of course, where this method really gets tricky is the fact that this isn’t something you can necessarily fake.
Now, what do you think I mean by that?
Well, I mean that you can’t just pretend that your are over your ex girlfriend.
For some reason I haven’t seen any type of success with men who do that. It’s only the men that really truly try to get over their ex girlfriends.
But that’s where the philosophy of, “without moving on” comes into play.
Now, I realize that I may have just dropped some super confusing knowledge here but rest assured by the end of this article you are going to have a perfect way to approach things going forward.
Putting The Puzzle Together
Those of you who are familiar with my teachings here on EGR would know that I have a very specific process that I teach to men who want to get their ex girlfriend back.
And this process, when done correctly, can fit together like a puzzle.
So, where does this idea of “moving on without moving on” fit into the puzzle?
Great question, but first I think it’s important for me to establish one thing.
You came here because you have a feeling that you are thinking about your ex girlfriend too much.
Maybe you want her back and miss her…
Maybe you don’t and just want to stop thinking about her…
Well, what I am about to show you can diverge in either one of these directions. In other words, if you want to get your ex girlfriend back you can use the information I am about to show to you in one way for that. And of course, if you want to simply get over your ex girlfriend then you can use it in another way for that.
I am going to show you how to use the information in both ways.
Oh, and the one common denominator here is the fact that it’s going to help you to stop thinking about her so much because we have already established that’s a mistake that is going to harm your overall goals.
Let’s Start With You Thinking About Her Too Much And Wanting To Get Her Back
The first thing I need to show you is the overall process that you need to follow to get your ex girlfriend back.
Now, this is the process that I teach to people who are going through pretty normal breakups.
However, your situation is a bit more unique in the fact that you are thinking about your ex girlfriend way too much. So, does that mean that you are supposed to follow this process as is?
Instead, you are going to have to make a pretty big alteration right here,
During your no contact rule (which you can read about here) I want you to be implementing the philosophy of moving on without moving on.
Of course, we have already established that this isn’t something that you can fake. Instead, you are going to have to actually try to move on and this is going to work wonders for you because of the fact that you are maybe a little too obsessive over your girlfriend right now.
Now, am I saying that you should give up on trying to get her back completely?
Remember, after the no contact rule is completed you still have the rest of this stuff to accomplish (which is what I have found to be the most successful way of winning her back,)
And of course, I have also found a positive correlation between moving on and getting an ex back so there’s that.
But this begs an interesting question.
What steps do you need to take during the no contact rule to “move on, without moving on?”
Here’s What You Do
So, this is going to sound a little weird but the best way to “move on, without moving on” is to actually take the steps as if you are moving on from your ex.
But how does one do this?
Lately one of the best ways that I have been becoming better at my craft is by interviewing experts in all types of fields.
A perfect example of this is my interview above with Erik Newton.
I find that the more I interview people the more I learn from them about what works and what doesn’t work.
For example, after interviewing Veronica Grant,
I determined that her idea of “dating yourself” was a perfect way to stay busy during the no contact rule so I added it to my overall strategy.
And then of course we have one of my more recent interviews with Marina Margulis,
Where she used an analogy about wavelengths to describe breakups which of course I have written about when talking about what caused a breakup between two people.
Why am I telling you all of this?
Well, it’s to give you a framework so you understand the story I am about to tell you.
Yesterday I conducted an interview with a gentleman named, Glenn Livingston who is a licensed psychologist, CEO of a multi-million dollar consulting firm and has been featured all over the place for his work on binge eating.
Now, typically when I am doing these interviews they have a direct hook into getting an ex back or getting over an ex but I was a little worried because even though I had found a hook with Glenn it wasn’t a very strong hook.
But what he had to say in the interview was so fascinating to me that it completely reshaped the way I thought about getting over a breakup.
You see, Glenn is kind of a master at helping people overcome binge eating habits after coming up with a process that he used to cure himself of his own binge eating.
In fact, I believe his exact words were,
I tried everything and this was the only thing that worked.
Glenn ended up using research from a guy named Jack Trimpy who basically helps people to overcome hard addictions.
In other words, Trimpy would help his clients overcome,
- Drug Addiction
- You get the picture…
It was this point that a lightbulb went off in my head upon listening to Glenn’s story,
I know from my own research that scientists have actually discovered that when someone goes through a breakup or has a heartbreak the part of the brain that becomes active is the same part of the brain that becomes active when a drug addict is going through a withdrawl.
In other words, perhaps the best way to get over someone is to treat the situation as if they are addicted to the other person.
I mean, let’s take a step back and really examine this thought.
You are addicted to your ex girlfriend.
We already know that’s a fact or you wouldn’t have read this far down the page. Hell, you wouldn’t have even read this article.
So, How Do You Overcome An Addiction?
Now, before I get back to my story with Glenn I want to make sure I haven’t lost you because I know I just threw down a ton of knowledge and it can be a little confusing if you aren’t “in the know.”
Thus far, here is what I have established,
- If you are thinking too much about your ex girlfriend it’s a huge mistake
- The best way to stop thinking about your ex girlfriend and get her back at the same time is to adopt a philosophy of “moving on, without moving on.”
- The best way to “move on, without moving on” is to actually try to move on.
- And the best way to move on is to treat your ex girlfriend like she is an addiction (which coincidentally will help you to stop thinking about her.)
And now let’s get back to my story with Glenn.
So, if you recall Glenn is an expert at helping others defeat their addiction to binge eating.
How does he do it?
Well, his process is actually relatively simple.
I think it’s best if I let his own words do the talking here,
There’s this voice that often pops up when you want to have a binging episode. For example, I would go to a Starbucks and I would see a chocolate bar on the counter and my inner voice would come out and say,
“You know you want that.”
“Just pick it up and eat it.”
“One chocolate bar isn’t going to hurt you.”
That voice is your enemy. In order to beat your addiction you have to find a way to beat that voice. And the best way to do that is to establish a rule.
Now, what he meant by “rule” is that you have to establish a rule and hold yourself accountable.
The example he gave was that he couldn’t have any chocolate, EVER!
In other words, any time he would see chocolate or have an urge for chocolate he wouldn’t be allowed to have it because that’s his rule.
But again, his inner voice would often make that super difficult.
So, how would he overcome his inner voice or his inner urges?
I would hear my inner voice talk about chocolate and I would find a way to be disgusted with it.
I mean, it would be pretty easy to avoid chocolate if every time you thought about it you wanted to gag,
I’d be shocked if you weren’t.
Look, I am just giving you the framework as it relates to binge eating. Now that you understand the framework we need to rework it and apply it to your situation with your ex girlfriend.
How We Can Apply This To Moving On
Someone once asked me what the most important quality is for getting an ex back.
After thinking for a moment I answered,
And that’s truly going to apply here.
What I am about to suggest for you is really difficult. In fact, the more I think about it the more I think it’s going to be the most difficult thing that you have ever done. Essentially what I am about to ask you to do is to have a complete paradigm shift by turning your feelings off for your ex girlfriend.
And then once the no contact rule is over (IF YOU WANT) you can turn your feelings back on.
This is going to require discipline and most of you will probably fail.
However, this is probably going to be the thing that will work best.
Ok, let’s talk about how you can “turn your feelings off.”
One thing we know from the Glenn story I told above is that if you are going to defeat your ex girlfriend addiction you are going to have to come up with a rule.
Luckily, the rule has already been written for you.
It’s called, “The No Contact Rule.”
I talk about it extensively here.
The No Contact Rule: For a certain period of time (21 – 45 days) you aren’t allowed to talk to your ex girlfriend.
There are some exceptions to this rule but those are situational and you will have to read more into no contact if you want to know those exceptions. For now, let’s just move forward with the assumption that you aren’t supposed to talk to your ex girlfriend no matter what.
The problem here is that your inner voice makes following this rule extremely difficult.
Where Glenn’s inner voice is telling him to eat chocolate yours is probably telling you to contact your ex girlfriend.
So, here’s what I want you to do.
And I mean every damn time that you think of contacting your ex girlfriend.
I want you to associate her with something disgusting.
Something that will make you want to throw up,
Something so foul that there is no way that you would literally run away from,
Every time you think of contacting her I want you to associate her with these things.
Do you see what I mean now by discipline?
I am basically telling you to beat back your inner voice which is madly in love with your ex girlfriend.
However, I also want you to keep in mind that this is a temporary tactic. It’s only going to last until the no contact rule is over. Once it is over you can start loving her again.
After all, our goal here is to get her back and you can’t be associating her with something disgusting forever.
Now, some of you may be wondering why I am recommending such a harsh tactic.
Well, it’s because when you are “moving on without moving on” you can’t fake the moving on part.
In my independent studies in most cases where people tried this it only worked when they actually took significant steps in moving on from their ex. I don’t really have a rhyme or reason for why you can’t fake this but you just can’t.
The only thing I can really hang my hat on is the fact that if you don’t do this fully you must give off some vibe that your ex picks up when you do end up talking to them.
Can You Apply This Method If You Are Thinking About Your Ex Too Much And You Just Want To Move On?
If you recall, if you want to get your ex back you will be utilizing “moving on, without moving on” to stop thinking about your ex during the crucial point of no contact,
Of course, after your no contact rule is up you are actually going to move forward with the process of trying to get them back.
Now, let’s go out on a limb here and assume that you are in this to try to get over your ex girlfriend.
Well, in that case then this is the process I want you to follow,
Essentially you are going to do everything the same.
You are going to enter into a no contact rule and try the moving on without moving on addiction method I talked about above. Except instead of taking steps to get your ex back after the no contact rule is up you are just going to stay in the no contact rule.
Honestly the strategy for moving on from an ex is a lot less complex!