By Chris Seiter

Updated on July 9th, 2022

When a breakup is all said and done, a lot people think it is best to learn how to be friends with your ex.

The feeling is that it’s best to settle for something, than nothing.

Let’s say your ex girlfriend (or ex boyfriend) leaves you and you want them back.  So you might think it would be a good strategy to stay friends with them.

You might think by being close to them, you will eventually find your way back in.

But the truth, more often than not, is that being friends with an ex seldom works over the long run (assuming your really want the romance back).

You are usually better off with keeping some distance and putting into effect an ex recovery plan.

It may sound and feel good for awhile to stay close to your ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend, but if you really wish to put the “ex” by your name behind you, you best take a close look at how.

It’s my belief that it seldom works to your advantage to hang on and accept the “friends only” status.

7 Reasons Why It Doesn’t Work Out To Remain Friends With Your Ex

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1. Your Ex May Not Respect You For Easily Accepting Friendship Status

What you don’t want to do is have your ex thinking that they can have their way on defining your relationship status.

You want something more, right?  Let’s say they seem to be toying around with just being “friends.

Maybe they don’t come out and say it or perhaps they parse words, but let’s say you are getting the unmistakable impression that you are not longer “special” to them in quite the same way.

So what should you do?

Well, you could give in and settle for friendship status.  But along the way, you are probably going to lose some personal power points.

2. You Are Going To Feel Terribly Frustrated If You are Downgraded to Just Being a “Friend”

It is hard enough to take it on the chin when your ex tells you they don’t want to be a real couple anymore.

If you simply just settle on being among his or her satellite of friends, you are likely to be very disappointed.

Maybe this is her way of buying some time and space in order to figure things out or maybe your ex is just letting you down easy.

Whatever it is that your ex has in mind, when all the confusion of feelings settle in, you are likely to feel frustrated and under appreciated if you settle for something less than what you truly want.

3. How Will Your Ex Ever See You Differently If You Agree To Simply Being a Friend

being friends only

It may sound good when it’s first proposed, but what you really want in the long run is for your ex to see you differently.

If he or she relegates you to just a friend or buddy, then you may end up pigeonholed holed in a status you really don’t want to occupy.

How will your ex every seeing you as boyfriend or girlfriend material if you are just settling on being a friend?

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

Take the quiz

4. You Need To Embark On a Strategic Plan

What you want to do after a break up is take charge of your Ex Recovery Plan, meaning that if you let him or her define the parameters of what you will be to each other, then you are already starting out at a disadvantage.

You in effect are putting your ex in the driver’s seat, letting them define the ongoing relationship, one that you really can’t be satisfied with if you want them back.

5. You Will Get Stuck With Feelings You Never Anticipated

So consider this.  Let’s say you agree to be your ex’s friend.  Maybe you both agree to be best of friends, but no longer lovers.

If this is the path you take, then what I am saying is you have settled for something that is going to likely drive you a bit crazy.

If you want more, and your ex wants less, something has to give.

What you want is to do some things that will drive her crazy for you.

Obviously the two of you are not on the same page and the future is almost guaranteed to bring on some hardship and confused feelings.

6. Your Are Giving Up Some of Your Personal Power

hanging with buddy

As I alluded to earlier, a break up is more than a separation.  It is a power of wills to some extent.

Your boyfriend or girlfriend may want something more or less than what you want.

If you agree to being a friend, you have already shown yourself as being under your ex’s control.

Truly this can’t be what you want, right?

You want the relationship back.  So agreeing to something less than what you really want is reducing you in your ex’s eyes.

As time goes by, your personal power (from your ex’s perspective) will continue to wane.

It’s hard to attract someone if you appear reduced or weak.

7. How Will Your Ex Ever See You As Someone She is Desperate To Be With?

So what you want to do over the long run is lay out out an Ex Back Action Plan that allows you to continually showcase your value.

Making yourself less available, ironically can be an attractor.

If you want your ex to want you back, then sometimes it’s best to create distance and to employ strategic tactics to reinforce your value.

Closing Thoughts On Avoiding the Friend Label

So if you are wondering why does my ex husband or girlfriend or boyfriend want to be friends, you have to understand that it usually means that they truly want a break from you.

Sure, they may still care for you and want to be in some contact with you.

But if they approach you with the notion that maybe the two of you should just be best buddies, then realize that your ex is setting boundaries, probably at your expense.

So after reading this article up to this point, let’s test our insight!

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Do think it’s the right move to be friends with an ex while in a relationship.

Hopefully you answered No.

At least not “friends” in the truest sense of the word.

Because if you are constantly chasing your ex and if your Ex Recovery Program revolves around how to stay friends with an ex, then you are probably chasing your own tail.

Can ex lovers be friends?


But if you are interested in being more than friends it’s best not to end up with that label.


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Chris Seiter	

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