By Chris Seiter

Updated on July 9th, 2022

Do you find yourself in a situation in which your ex girlfriend simply won’t leave you alone.

Let say she dumped you.  Just broke up with you out of the blue.

I get these messages from guys who say, “Hey, she dumped me, but won’t leave me alone”.

I know that sucks. Clients will tell me, “She rejected me but won’t leave me alone”.

Or then again, maybe you dumped her. Perhaps it has been a long time coming.

Clients will contact me and say, “I told my ex to leave me alone, to stop bothering me, but nothing seems to get through to her”.

Then again, perhaps you are unsure if you want the relationship.

But it certainly can’t help when your ex girlfriend keeps pestering you.

You know you need  some peace of mind and that is probably why your dumped her.

Yet she just keeps reaching out and showing up.

I know it’s frustrating when she just won’t leave you alone.  I talk about all of this in my Program, “Ex Girlfriend Recovery Pro”.  You can check out this complete resource here.

How On Earth Do You Tell An Ex To Leave You Alone Nicely

peeking at you

Are you dealing with a situation in which your ex won’t stop texting you?

Should you approach her in a nice way or just lower the boom, telling her in no uncertain language to stop bothering you.

What on earth should you do?  So many choices to consider.

Should you ignore her?

Should you kindly tell her not to contact you anymore.

Or should you just go a bit nuclear on her and remind your ex you broke up because you don’t want a relationship with her now or later.

I know, some of these options may feel like a cold hearted  way of dealing with things, but I am sure you just want her to stop contacting you.

A breakup can leave us confused and upset and sometimes what we need is to be left alone so we can figure out what we ultimately want from the relationship.

For many, the last thing you want is to be pestered by your ex girlfriend.

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So let’s get into some solutions if your ex is turning into a pest.

And if you want a complete blueprint on how you handle everything associated with getting her back, then you can learn more about my Program here.

Six Ways To Get Your Ex Girlfriend To Stop Contacting You – If You Dumped Her

leaving you alone

1.  Ignore Her Completely Until You Get Your act Together or  She Fades Away

It sounds crude or even harsh, but sometimes it is best to just bare down and don’t respond.

This is particularly true if the reasons for breaking up were controversial or exceptionally painful.

Perhaps you are very sure the relationship will never work out.  In such a case, it’s best not to string her along.

Sometimes you need to go to someplace quiet and peaceful to find yourself again and think about what you want from her in the future.

Some people think of it as giving their ex the cold shoulder.

But that is not what this is about.

You need to guard against your first emotional reactions.  Too many times I have seen clients open themselves to more pain after they get drawn into rehashing things with their ex girlfriend.

Be warned that if you do respond back to your ex girlfriend, you could be opening up Pandora’s Box.

You might think you are ready to talk things through with her.

But rarely will you make headway in those first few days or weeks after a breakup.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

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2. Give Your Ex Girlfriend a Text “Heads Up” That You Need Some Time and Space To Be Alone

Sometimes it pays to be extra respectful if you both have a lot of years and feelings invested in the relationship.  Yes, it sometimes best to enter into No Contact. Having some space and time for you both to get re-calibrated is the right move.

But you don’t need to jump right into No Contact without first giving her a heads up as to your need to have some space.

It need not be mean or insensitive. Rather, you can briefly explain that you need divest yourself of all the negative energy and start focusing on what you can do to be the best version of yourself and that you need alone time to get underway.

3. Have a Friend Deliver a Message To Her That You Don’t Want To Be Bothered

A lot of ex girlfriends are in denial.

You can tell them in person that you need privacy – that you don’t want to be contacted.

You can repeat it again in text or email, asking her to respect your wishes.  But your efforts can fall on deaf ears.

Sometimes there is something powerful going on with your ex’s emotional well being.

Specifically, she could be suffering from a deluded notion that she can get the relationship quickly back on track.  Her addiction and craving to just hear from you could be the primary driving force in her life.

Her desperation could push her to extremes in trying to connect up with you again.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

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So to help you get your point across, sometimes you need to enlist a close friend to help reinforce the message that she needs to stop calling and texting because it’s making things worse.

She may be so lost in her desperate need to connect, that she lacks judgement and awareness that her efforts are futile.

Maybe she won’t listen to you.

Perhaps your ex is stubbornly clinging to the hope you will give in.

But sometimes if the message comes from someone else, particularly someone she trusts, then it might just penetrate her wall of denial.

4. Block Your Ex Girlfriend To Drive Home Your Point

I am usually not a fan of blocking an ex, but if your ex girlfriend just won’t leave you alone despite all of your efforts to get her out of your life, then it can pay to block her on social media and possibly elsewhere too.

It could make her mad, but it might finally help her realize she has an unhealthy fixation on you.

5. Write Her a Letter Explaining You Are Trying To Heal

It can take a long time before you ex girlfriend accepts that you are not going to come running back.  She needs to learn that no amount of begging or pleading  is going to make you change your mind.

Writing and sending her a letter just to reinforce you don’t currently wish to be contacted can help drill home the point and cause her to respect your space.

6. Go On a Date With Someone

Now this approach can be good in a couple of ways.

Chances are you need a break and some perspective, so by going on a date with another girl you give yourself that opportunity to rebuild your confidence and also to get your head out of the past.

The effect of  you dating another girl  can stop your ex girlfriend cold.  I can serve as a wake up call that you are trying to move on.

This is what it may take to cause your ex girlfriend to actually face the music that the relationship is over.

Now there is a downside to this tactic.

Now there could be a short term downside.

It could actually aggravate and anger your ex girlfriend so much that she starts peppering you with even more texts, emails, and phone calls questioning what you are doing and why.

But you need to keep your eye on big picture.  While it may anger and upset her in the early days, if this relationship is truly over from your perspective, it is only natural for you to move on and start exploring the field.

Eventually she will learn to accept that she cannot bully or harass you in to talking with her.

Four Ways To Discourage Your Ex Girlfriend From Contacting You  – If She Dumped You

aloof to you

Some of my clients will say, “why in the heck do I want her to stop trying to talk to me?”  They may see her reaching out as a good and positive sign.  And perhaps it does usher in the possibility of better things to come.

But I have seen a lot of cases where an ex girlfriend will try to connect with you because they feel guilty or sad or lonely or suddenly they feel they can’t live without you.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

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The reality is that contacting her too soon and opening yourself up for continuous conversations can be the worst thing you can do if she dumped you.

1. Say No To Her Idea of Just Being Friends

It sounds so good and if you are not careful you can get caught up this notion of remaining friends with your ex girlfriend.

But more often than not, it is a mistake to try and continue the relationship, pretending that you are simply just friends.

Trust me, being a “friend” to your ex girlfriend is going to feel like a big time demotion in the lover department.

You won’t be satisfied and will likely feel worse.

So while the temptation on your end might be to help soften the blow, just say No to the idea of  continuing on as friends.

It seldom gets you where you want to go as it is nearly impossible to separate your feelings for her as a lover versus a friend.

Another downside is the two of you could get drawn into a Friends With Benefits type of situation.  This type of relationship can also really tangle up your emotions leaving you both having to sort out what it all means.

2. Send Her a Respectful Text Explaining That Her Efforts To Contact You Are Confusing You

Sometimes a girl just doesn’t know what they want.

So you may end up getting it both ways.

First she wants out of the relationship.

Then when she get what she thought she wanted, she could to change her mind.

Or she may get confused about whether this was the outcome she wanted.

As a result of all these dynamics, she will usually seek you out because she use to lean on you in the past.

It’s better not to be her counselor at this stage.

The fact is she ended things.  She needs to work through that.  You need your time to heal and work through your feelings.

If you think you can help each other through all of this confusion, guess what?

You are going to likely become more confused.

So briefly tell your ex you are confused by her efforts to connect with you and that you need you space to heal.

This will put the shoe on the other foot so to speak.

Now it’s you who is controlling position.

And at the same time, you are indirectly reminding her that there are consequences to actions.

3.  Don’t Respond To Her Efforts To Communicate

You are probably in the midst of your no contact period.

So if you are following the rules of my Ex Recovery Program, then you should not be responding to her in anyway.

Maybe she is worried about you.  Maybe she is afraid she made a mistake. Maybe she is lonely and hurting.

Whatever is going on with her is not your problem right now.

Your focus should be on healing and your own recovery and your plan of attack.

There will be time later to address issues she might be experiencing.

But don’t go soft and start chatting it up with her as it will likely hurt you in the long run.

Remember, she broke up with you.

4. Tell Your Friends You are Going on a Trip – Then Do It

One way to reinforce your value is to show your ex girlfriend that you can move forward with life with or without her.

If she is constantly pestering you, trying to lure you into engaging with her then not only should you keep your no contact rule commitment, but you should do some things that reveal to her that you are moving on.

She may want to talk to you badly.  But don’t do her any favors.

Help yourself by reinforcing your value and showing how you are independent.  When she sees that you are seeking other experiences without her it may cause her to realize that she may lose you forever.

Sometimes seeing that you appear to be moving on puts your ex girlfriend in a different mood and mind state.

The end result is you are flexing your personal power.

You are taking control of the messaging.	

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