My Ex Girlfriend Told Me To Stop Texting Her

There are two deaths in my lifetime that have hit me ridiculously hard. My grandmother, who I was extremely close with, and Robin Williams, who was a huge part of my childhood.

My world just felt different knowing that they didn’t exist in it anymore. It was strange to me that other people weren’t as shook by it as I was. It was the most prevalent thought in my mind for a long while.

This resulted in talking about their lives to pretty much anyone that would listen. Suddenly, I had thousands of things I need to talk to my grandmother about and I couldn’t. It was driving me crazy, or at least it felt that way.

A loss has a way of doing that to you, pulling the rug out from under you and making it feel like no one noticed or cares. I was in a funk for a really long time.

At this point in your relationship, or lack of a relationship, I’m sure you can sympathize at least a little.

When someone who matters to us dies it is normal to try and makes sense of the world without them, asking questions like “Why did this happen?” “Why them?”

What Does That Mean For You When Your Ex Wants You To Stop?

After a breakup, you’ll find yourself trying to make sense of things the same way. You ask yourself the same questions over and over again. Running around trying to win her back. Tempted to remind her how much she liked you, or even loved you, once.

I’ve been in your position, it’s tempting to bombard them with texts and calls from day one. It’s easy to think that this will keep them from forgetting you, a fear that is understandable for anyone who wants their ex back.

She will eventually reach her limit, and I don’t mean a data limit.

Everyone has a limit to their patience.
One of the guys who came to me with this problem in the past said,
“but she said we would stay friends when we split. Back when we were together she said she didn’t want me to ever be afraid to hold back. If there is something I want to say I should always feel free to say it.”

I’m going to tell you something that I learned the hard way. When a situation proves to be uncomfortable, like breaking up with some one or being broken up with, it’s human nature to try and keep the peace. Meaning, most people are naturally hardwired to do everything they can to avoid confrontation.

Most of the time, when someone says “we’ll stay friends,” they are usually just trying to keep you from making a scene, or themselves from making a scene. Both of which would be very uncomfortable for both of you… and for anyone around to witness it.

This may be news to you, but… you aren’t together anymore. and no matter what she says or you want to believe, that means your dynamic has changed.

Before, you could text her all day long every day. The thing is, she liked you then. And, just like the way every joke is funny even when it’s not when you like someone, your texts brought a smile to her face even at three in the morning.

But if you broke up with her, your text will be annoying because it will seem like you don’t know what you want. If she broke up with you and you keep texting her, you’ll seem needy and like you just can’t take a not-so-subtle hint.

If you broke up a while ago and she’s been responding to you normally up until this point, I’d be willing to bet that she assumed you would get the picture and you’d eventually stop on your own.

If it seems like she just suddenly decided this then this is probably the case.

How to Handle Your Ex Girlfriend Shutting You Out

Let’s face it, if she’s told you to stop texting her and you keep on, you’re just going to reinforce any negative feelings she has towards you.

Not only will they be MORE annoying and possibly angering, but she’ll feel like you don’t respect her wishes.

Assuming you want her back, the last thing you want to do is make her think you don’t respect her. Who would you rather be with?

Someone who makes you feel good about yourself by respecting you or someone who doesn’t care about what you want. I can go ahead and tell you which one she’d choose.

Yes, there are women out there who play games and will allow you to keep texting them because it boosts their ego. But even those will get tired of it when responding starts to feel like a chore. And in that case, it’s unlikely that type of relationship will turn into a reunion.

I know what you are wondering. What can I actually DO about this?

And I’m going to give you an answer I know you won’t like… 50 shades of nothing.

I know, disheartening sounding, isn’t it?

As of right now, you are in Violation of EVERYTHING we here at ExRecovery know to be true about getting an ex back. So, I’m ordering you to stop EVERYTHING you are doing.

Stop texting.

Stop calling.

Stop writing really flipping long emails with more feels than Homeward Bound and Old Yeller mixed together.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Yeah, I get it. Being single is only fun if you don’t want someone. And doing nothing sounds ineffective.

But, our version of nothing is more like doing something than you’d think. It only looks like doing nothing from the outside looking in. It’s more like a strategy of doing things that have nothing to do with your ex.

No Contact After Gnatting

First of all, let’s talk about what got you here in the first place.

Chances are your ex tried to go about this the nice way first.
“Yeah, we’ll stay in touch.” of “I’ll always be here for you if you need me.”
And then, let me guess. You kept texting her as if you were still together. If you were used to interacting with her every day you might have sent her good morning texts, funny memes, and “hey, do you remember that time…?” texts.
At first, she probably responded just to keep from being rude. But if you continued that pattern chances are she stopped answering so much, just hoping you’d take the hint.
Unfortunately, heartbreak comes with its own set of tunnel vision goggles. Once you are told you can’t have something, suddenly that is
ALL you want. You can’t stop thinking about it. And those spiffy little goggles make so you don’t take a hint so well. Your ex could be standing in front of you waving a sign that says I don’t want to get back together and all you see is that she’s still talking to you so she must still care… right?
WRONG!
I am telling you right now to TAKE THE GOGGLES OFF!! If you are determined to get her back you have to break that “We’re meant to be together! You’re my other half.” sappy romantic crap.
Don’t get me wrong, us ladies LOOOOVE the sappy romantic crap. But do it before or during a relationship. Afterward, it just comes across as begging.
And on top of that, it doesn’t fix ANY of the issues that caused us to break up in the first place. So, even if she did take you back, it’s like putting a band-aid over a crack in a dam. Eventually, you’re in for trouble.
If you were hitting her up so often that she had to actually tell you to stop, then I am suggesting a 45 day sabbatical, AKA some serious No Contact.
She thinks you are honoring her wishes but in reality, it’s a strategic plan to make her miss you and give you time to work on a secret project.
Let’s play it out.
I’m your ex and I’ve just told you to stop texting me. Do you think I just meant for a couple of days? may a week or two?
If you said yes, I’m gonna give you a second to rethink your answer.
The right answer is no! she means for the foreseeable future and possibly forever.
It’s okay.
Don’t freak out just yet.
We’re going to change her mind by… giving her what she wants for 45 days.
Change her ID in your phone to “Bad Idea” or “Don’t Do It” if you have to.
So, what do you think you are going to do for 45 days?
If it were up to you, I can guess how it would go.
  • Jumping every time your phone makes a noise.
  • Driving past her house or work.
  • Suddenly staring down everyone driving a car that looks anything like hers.
  • Spending waaaay too much time on her Facebook and Instagram.
Luckily, I’m taking the choice away. If you do any of these things… you can wave goodbye to getting her back. Okay, not really. But working here at ExRecovery I can tell you from experience that the odds are NOT in your favor if you do.
So don’t do it! Instead do this instead.
  • Take some time and clean up your own social media. Get rid of stuff that makes you look anything less than a good guy. If you have friends posting nasty comments about her, remove the comments. You are an adult and above that. Anything regarding the breakup or the fact that you are now single is childish. It’s obvious you are trying to get a rise out of her. Remove those too. Don’t try to erase your relationship, just any signs that you are still hung up on it. (yes, that means those cheesy song lyrics you posted. get rid of them.)

  • Get clothes that fit. Nothing says I don’t have my stuff together by walking around with your pants around your thighs. This isn’t just going to help win her attention, but other people will start treating you with more respect. Taking care of your appearance is one of the easiest things to do to change the way people see you. It also has a way of boosting your confidence 100%. Why do you think the girls go straight from a breakup to the salon or shopping?
  • What have you been talking about doing forever that you haven’t done? Going back to the gym? Finishing a degree? Quit your job and find something better? Move out of your mom’s basement? Women want to be with men who aren’t afraid to go after what they want. I realize those goggles right now are making you think that she is the only thing you want, but take those off and throw them away. Go after the life you want. Even just taking steps to do it makes an impact if the goal is going to take longer than 45 days.
  • Clean up your living space. If she were to walk into your space, would it look just like it did when you broke up? Or worse, does it look like you’ve been binging and sulking the entire time? Your space reflects your mind and reversely being surrounded by a mess can make you feel… like a mess. So, clean up.

See?

You’ve got plenty to do! stop stalking her and hitting her up.

There are better things to do. If you caught on the idea is to not only make yourself look like you’ve matured and made progress. It’s to actually help you get to space where you are ACTUALLY making progress. So, that once you get through No Contact, reconnecting with her should be a chance to showcase that.

You don’t want to be that guy that says “I’m doing great,” when you’ve been out at the bar every night with your boys trying to stave off the heartache with booze and women. No! You want to be able to give off the impression that the breakup could have been the exact kick in the pants that you needed to get your life together.

Rest assured, she’ll know what’s going on in your life before you ever finish No Contact and send that first text. So, if you are sulking and whining to anyone that’ll listen… she’ll know. However, if someone walks up to you and says,

“Hey I heard you and insert ex’s name split up. Man, I’m sorry. How are you doing?”

What response do you think is better?

“Yeah. I miss her. She was my entire world and then it was just over. Did you see she was out with her girls making the rounds at the club last weekend? I should just find someone better and make her jealous….”

or

“Man, I’m doing better than I expected. I’m starting to think that splitting up might’ve been the best thing for me. How are things with you?”

A lot of people feel like telling someone how they are feeling is like free therapy.

But what they don’t take into account is that people talk. I have a friend who did this and told his bud every bit of how hard his breakup had been on him.

His friend went home that evening and repeated the entire thing to his girlfriend along with some clever insights he had on the situation.

Just a few days later his girlfriend ran into my friend’s ex and huge shocker, she was less than pleased that he was talking about their problems with everyone.

On top of that, she saw that he was still the same guy she had split up with.

Whereas had he kept his response short and made it seem like he was making the best out of the situation, the guy’s girlfriend probably would have asked his ex how she was doing and mentioned that he was handling things better than she expected.

What do you think his ex would have done then?

If you said she’d be scouring his Facebook and Instagram to see what his secret was.

That’s the thing. Indirect information exchange has more effect than direct.

Alright Let’s Wrap This Up

Have you ever heard a kid say, “I am grown up!”

How convinced were you?

However, if a kid just started acting more responsible and didn’t fight for attention all the time, you’d be inclined to think,  “Man, he’s more mature than most adults I know.”

If you were to call her up and say, “Look how much progress, I’ve made!” She’d think you did it all to get her back. If she finds out on her own or from someone else, she’ll be more inclined to think you had other motivations.

Not to mention, getting your life together won’t just make her see you differently. It will make you see yourself differently too.

When you do reach out to her using the Texting Bible’s tactics, remember that you did it all on your own and you’ll come off as much more confident. Speaking as a woman, confidence is attractive on anyone.

I know these tactics seem simple. But as one of my bosses used to drill into us, “It’s better to work smarter than harder.”

Let me know in the comment section below what areas of your life you are going to work on. If you have difficulties sticking with No Contact we have an entire team here that will be happy to help you come up with ways to stick with it.

Go do great things!!

-Ashley

		

Written by EGR team mate

EBR Team Member: Ashley

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32 Comments on "My Ex Girlfriend Told Me To Stop Texting Her"

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Kyle
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Can disappearing from her life for a while be a good idea ?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi kyle,

It depends..what is your situation?

Dontrel
Guest
My ex i was with her for 2 years shes 21 and im 22 we recently broke up a week ago she left me because she felt like she had the pants in the relationship and she felt i wasnt making smart decisions and that i wasnt mature enough for a relationship, she thought i wasnt trying to push towards the goal me and her have in common for life which would be to be married and have kids but she always said she loved me sooo much and i love her soo much too and i messed up and… Read more »
Dontrel
Guest

And no she just unblocked me and yelled at me through text telling me to leave her alone and shes trying to move in a date but i know she loves me cause if she didnt she would have left me blocked please somebody help me

Dontrel
Guest

Now she just told me she changing her number and we not talking again till i bring by her tv in my new truck that im fixing

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Dontrel,

Do you want to try the no contact rule?

aman
Guest
I am from India and met a girl six months ago through family connections, our parents wanted us to get married and we thought, why not? She was the first girl for me and I started getting all possessive and judgmental, I was too conservative and she is a free spirit. She then took a huge decision of calling off the marriage withing 20 days of saying yes. Then I started messing things up, called her umpteenth times and send her thousands of messages (literally). I even went to her family members. She got irritated further and blocked me everywhere.… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Aman,

We can’t guarantee that but you can still try the no contact rule..

Michael
Guest
Okay so, We were together for about 7 months, I was incredibly in love with her and still am honestly, when she broke up with me, she called me on Skype because it was long distance, she started talking to me very calmly like she didn’t care at all. When she hung up, I was heartbroken.. I cried my eyes out, I smoked all the cigarettes I have in my home. So basically what happened is. -I asked for her to forgive me. (She tells me let’s be friends for the moment) -she posts a photo of a guy on… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi,

Do you want to try the advices on the posts you commented on? No contact means, no initiating, no replying and no social media stalking.. So, that means you need to restart the count..check this one too:
How to Get Your Ex Back if You Were Clingy

Jack
Guest
Hey ,I really hope I’ll get a reply from you because I really need help. I am in college and had an year long relationship with my ex girlfriend. We were perfect for each other and were just like two best friends in a relationship and shared everything. But during the ending stages,I got too occupied with job interviews and some family issues and could not give her the attention she wanted. She also felt that i got flattered by every single woman and that hurt her. So she decided to end it and we agreed to be friends. But… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Restart nc and dont talk to her friends again about her..focus in improving yourself and be active in posting fb or instagram, just make them public

Jack
Guest

What type of pictures do you want me to post?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

That’s good that you’re a photographer. Post your actvities, yourself, the places you go to, or you with friends..the purpose is to show your improvements indirectly

Jack
Guest

okay, so it has now been 21 days since she asked to stop any kind of contact now. and around 15 days since she blocked me on whatsapp. I am still blocked but today, i got a job offer in the college placements. So I guess I am doing well on the building yourself part. She didn;t congratulate me while all her best friends did. I am getting better and am only a little bothered by this fact.
So when should i try initiating the contact and how?
Should I wait for 10-15 more days?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

yep, wait 15 more days.. start the count from the day she blocked you..

Jack
Guest

okay, so today i saw across her walking with another guy. He was most probably just a friend. But she was so engrossed with him that she didn’t even realise that I passed by. I have been feeling very bad since then. What should I do

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

focus in yourself because you can’t control them.. if she talks to you or sees you, would she be attracted to you or interested?

Jacob
Guest

Well, since I am still blocked on whatsapp, I don’t think she will want to talk to me again.
When I think about her with any other guy, it just feels as if someone is scrapping your heart off and there is a hollow in your body.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

that’s why it’s important that you’re active in posting, because that’s your indirect way of showing you’re not chasing and improving for her to feel regret..

Jacob
Guest
Please read the above comments to get an idea about my situation. Okay, so it has been a month since I have been blocked on whatsapp. Recently, a common senior of ours had come to the college for a day. So me and my ex and some other friends were with him. We went out to some cafe, did some hookah and stuff. It wasn’t awkward. But we didn’t sit together, and hardly talked. We only talked if we had to ask the other person to pass something or like this. While we were doing hookah, I noticed her checking… Read more »
Jacob
Guest

I had posted something but it didn’t get uploaded.been more than a week. Please look into this.Its important.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Start the count from the day she blocked you..that means it’s not yet 30 days right.. If you need to extend to 45 that’s ok

Jacob
Guest
No, the 30 days of no contact had been done. She is roaming the college campus with a new guy and everyone is talking about them. I know shr won’t get into a commitment with her but ii do have a feeling they might become friends with benefits. It hurts to see her with him. Everyone is talking about them. Anyways, i sent her a text to meet me if possible. I wanted to tell her that i think breaking up was the right decision and that i am sorry fot the troubles. She ignored the text. After 2 days,… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Yeah..because asking her to meet probably looked like you were asking for a date.. It’s either you move on now or do one last nc and make it seem like you’re moving on through your actions and posts

Jacob
Guest
I am still unable to move on. I had been home for 2 weeks and that really helped me a lot. I didn;t think about her much and had started to feel very positive. But when I came back to college and saw her, I felt depressed again. The next day I came to know that she has gone on a night out with another guy and since then, I have come back in my old sobbing phase. i’ve tried a lot. I am still blocked on all medias fb,whatsapp everything for about 3 months now. and as much as… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi jack,
Moving on doesn’t mean forgetting the feeling, it means doing things that help you improve even if you’re hurting

Jacob
Guest
I completed a 21 day no contact and attempted to text my ex after. This was 2 weeks ago. She did respond but they were relatively neutral responses. She would reply to my texts every three days and recently it went to about 5 days for her to reply. So I would get one response every 3 days. I decided to not respond to her text after waiting 5 days for her to reply and to wait a week until I make another attempt. It really does not seem like she’s interested in reestablishing communication. What should I do? What’s… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

After the first attempt, you should have waited 5-7 days before trying again and to use an interesting topic for her. If in the second attempt she still replies neutral or negatively, try after two weeks. If she still replies negatively or neutral after that, it means you have to move on. So, consider the text you’re going to send after reading as your first attempt again and if after three attempts, it’s still not progressing, move on.

Mike
Guest

Also she said the last issues were hard to get over (coming and going causing trust) and that was why she wasn’t ready for sex again. It also strongly played into the end. She said r wasn’t just because of that last night… but without that last night she had no intentions to end it anytime soon and was optimistic

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

do at least 30 days.. stop overthinking because that’s not going to help you.. that would make you desperate..

Mike
Guest
Hi. Met her in university over 14 years ago she has loved me since then. I never gave her a chance though we often fooled around for years coming and going. 2 years ago after I started looking at her differently. She had many reasons to not trust me, (my coming and going/broken promises even a loan that I did not pay back) a year ago I started dating her and she went from becoming my best friend for the previous year to now my girlfriend . She has anxiety and it is bad. She had a hard time getting… Read more »