So your ex girlfriend dumped you and now she wants you back.
Should you take her back?
Should you wait awhile and let it sink in that she really screwed up by breaking up with you?
Or will that end up backfiring?
What is a guy to do. Well guess what? You came to the right place because I am going to help walk you through what your options are.
And by the way, congratulations. Things are already looking up.
But don’t get too excited just because your ex girlfriend now seems to have some regrets about dumping you.
The fact is something went wrong. A breakup happened. So let’s be sure that if you are getting back together, it is for the right reason and at the right time and you are both doing it in the right way.
Should You Take Your Ex Girlfriend Back If She Dumped You?
The short answer is yes and no.
I know that sucks.
Not very definitive is it? But I can do better.
My best advice is that in most situations it’s worth giving strong consideration to reconnecting with your ex girlfriend, though the how you go about it and when you should do it will vary depending on your individual circumstances.
So let’s take a look at why your ex girlfriend might be wanting to call a truce and restart the relationship.
It is important to understand her motivations because with that knowledge you will be better prepared to decide which approach you should employ.
And just a quick heads up. All of the approaches I am going to recommend are not about getting back together immediately.
That is often a mistake. Let’s not be in such a hurry to rush right back into the relationship as it existed before.
But let’s get back to the question of why she wants to make peace with you.
What is motivating your ex girlfriend to forgive and forget and try again.
Five Reasons Why Your Ex Girlfriend Now Wants To Start Over With You Again
1. She Realizes She Overreacted When She Dumped You
Sometimes an ex will just act out of haste and make the wrong decision.
Maybe there was a big fight and possibly she backed herself into a corner by threatening she would leave and to save face, she felt she had to.
But later, after she has had some time to settle down and process what happened, she may realize that she made a big mistake.
And possibly you made some mistakes too when all this was going down.
Among the breakups I help people with, this is a rather common result.
And if one handles the post breakup period properly and avoid making more mistakes, it is very possible for you both to find common ground and restart the relationship relatively quickly.
I get into all of this in my comprehensive Ex Recovery Program which you can find HERE.
2. Your Ex Girlfriend Has Gotten a Taste Of Life Without You and Doesn’t Like It
In this case your ex girlfriend had no idea what would happen and how she would feel after she left you.
Sure, it was her decision to drop you unceremoniously.
But sometimes anger or relationship frustrations can lead us to have a warped view of the future. In this scenario, your ex girlfriend came to realize how important you were in her life.
She came to value you more and appreciated how you made her feel whole.
This kind of realization can change your ex girlfriend’s entire view of what she really needs.
Hence she may come a calling, looking for a way back.
3. She Dumped You On the Advice of a Friend and Now Realizes She Made a Terrible Mistake
It is also possible your ex girlfriend was unduly influenced by friends or family and made a decision to dump you only to later realize she has made a terrible mistake.
Relationships are not easy. Fights happen. Conflict can lead to frustration and confusion as to what to do. Our emotional swings can run wild and wide.
When such things happen, it is not unusual to seek advice. So in this scenario, your ex girlfriend may have gotten some poor advice about breaking up with you.
Perhaps things were not as bad as they were made out to be.
Your ex girlfriend may have been under the influence of other people urging her to do things that were out of character.
You end up getting dumped and she later realizes she made an awful mistake. Now she wants a do over.
4. Your Ex Girlfriend Misses You Terribly and Feels Alone and Miserable
Sometimes after she drops you for awhile, she will later realize that what she imagined in her mind about it not working out or that you were such a bad boyfriend was blown way out of proportion.
As time passes, she can start to miss you in ways she least expected. Soon those feelings can turn to loneliness, even misery.
This is when she may start giving you telltale signs that she wants you to take her back, if you are willing.
5. She Thinks She Wants You Back But The Truth Is She Is Not Really Sure – The Flip Flop Ex Girlfriend
Then we have the unfortunate situation in which your ex girlfriend convinces herself she wants you back almost as quickly as she discarded you.
A flurry of emotions may overwhelm her to such an extent that she hungers for your presence and convinces herself she must have you back or her whole world will end.
But sometimes, these runaway emotions can lead her astray. The truth could be that she is far from being ready for the relationship to resume.
If this is how things unfolded with your ex, be warned that you may get caught up in a whipsaw of hot and cold behavior. What she thinks she wants may be a far cry from what she actually needs.
This kind of dilemma will likely not be clear to her or you until after you decide to forgive for dumping you. Then it happens again.
Hence, under this kind of scenario, if you end up taking her back, you may end up seeing her walk away from you again.
So Should You Take Your Ex Girlfriend Back or Not?
There are essentially three ways you can go with this.
Each strategy depends on the factors and circumstances that are at play. Let me briefly summarize how you might want to deal with an ex girlfriend who has dumped you, yet now is making noises that she wants to try again.
The “Steady As You Go” Strategy
In this case, if you were dumped and your ex girlfriend wants to try again, your approach should be to neither say yes or no.
If she puts the question to your directly about getting back together, your response could be something like, “Yes, I am definitely open to it, but I think it would be best if we take things slow”.
The idea here is not to rush back into a full fledged commitment.
Rather, just slowly build up to getting to know each other again on all levels.
Don’t rush back into having sex as that can often throw things into a fog. It may be a great experience, but what if there are still other complications in the relationship which have yet to surface or be revealed.
My advice is just spend some time together, but in measured ways. Imagine meeting each other for the first time and getting use to each other’s strengths and weaknesses.
Before you hash out the bigger issues around the relationship, make sure you can get along.
So before you try to put a solution to the problems that contributed to the breakup, allow for some trust to be rebuilt. Enjoy some quality time together. Build some positive memories. Think in terms of little steps and little moves.
The “I am Not Quite Ready” Strategy
Perhaps the breakup on your end left a big hole in your heart and you are still mending.
Or possibly the breakup was a horrible one. Or possibly a great deal of time has passed and you are now uncertain about a great many things.
If any of these scenarios are playing out in your mind, then it is likely the trust has a long ways to go before you are willing to fully commit.
She may be eager and open to re-starting up the relationship, but unless you are feeling really comfortable about going forward with her, then don’t.
There is a nice and respectful way you can convey this to her.
It is the truth that will serve you best.
Tell her you have been shaken by past events and simply need time to work through some personal issues and healing and that you would hope she would be open to talking with you again in the near future.
It’s not like a complete stop sign you are putting up. You are just trying to slow things down so you can be assured both you and your ex girlfriend are in the same place “emotionally” in the near future when you re-explore with her the prospect of resuming the relationship.
If she is really committed to making the relationship work, she will understand.
You can maintain a minimal level of communication during this interim period.
You don’t have to shut her out your life. But don’t start planning all kinds of outings and events until the idea of you both resuming the relationship really soaks in.
The “Let’s Come Up With a Plan” Strategy
This approach usually works well for those couples that are relatively well adjusted and whose breakup was not harsh nor occurred over a long period of time.
While you may not be the epitome of a power couple, the truth may be that you both love each other very much.
The dumping may have been more of a cry for help or attention and was never meant to be a “true” breakup.
Or perhaps the breakup she initiated was the real deal, but you both came to realize that there are many more chapters to write in your story as a couple.
In this scenario, you not only agree to come back together, but you do so with the understanding that this kind of outcome can never happen again.
Hence, you both commit yourselves to jointly identifying the key issues that you want to address and improve upon in your relationship.
Your efforts will be devoted to making the relationship stronger than ever and not only will you brainstorm together how you will both handle conflict in the future, but you will write it down and take a symbolic action to cement your new agreement.
This is synergy at work. Two people who care deeply for each other, seeking ways to make things better.