In my professional opinion getting an ex girlfriend back in your life isn’t that difficult.
It’s getting her back romantically where the challenge lies.
You familiar with the idea of “the friend zone,” right?
Basically it’s where your ex friends you and doesn’t let you go any further than that. So, any time you try to advance things to a more romantic stage she nixes it.
The Friend Zone = Bad
And therein lies our problem.
Most of the men who are searching the internet for advice are just trying to get their ex back in their life by any means necessary. They are so desperate to get their exes back into their life they don’t care if they start out in the friend zone.
I am not going to sit here and teach you how to get your ex back by putting yourself in the friend zone.
Instead, I am going to teach you what you need to do to get your ex back in your life romantically.
And I am going to do it by teaching you three things.
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Three Things That Will Get Her Back In Your Life Romantically
There are three things I want you to focus on to get your ex back in your life romantically.
- Use The No Contact Rule
- Make Sure You Show Don’t Tell
- Get Her To Associate You With Romance
Now, if you are reading these three things and thinking,
What the heck do these mean?
I am actually going to look at each one of these things and explain them one by one.
Starting from the top.
1. Use The No Contact Rule
You know what the no contact rule is, right?
I’ve created a lot of contact around the no contact rule.
But if you want a quick crash course,
The No Contact Rule: A period of time (usually 21 to 45 days) where you ignore your ex. This potentially may make her miss you by tapping into a psychological concept called reactance.
Now, I don’t want to talk too much about the no contact rule because it’s easy to get caught up with the intricacies with it
The thing I’d really like to discuss though is how the no contact rule relates to timing.
A few days ago I wrote an article entitled, how to make your ex girlfriend fall in love with you again where I talked about the process the body goes through when it falls in love.
The quick crash course: What we perceive as love is nothing more than specific chemicals being released in the brain.
So, understanding that I talked about eleven things that human beings need to “fall in love.”
I’d like to turn your attention to this one little aspect right here,
Readiness And The No Contact Rule
I started doing this in 2012.
Since starting this business my strategies for getting an ex back have changed.
As I learn more about what works I alter my core strategy and update my products to reflect that change.
One of the things i’ve had to learn the hard way is that your ex isn’t coming back to you until she is ready.
I’ll give you an example.
The two of you break up and you immediately beg for her back.
Does she take you back?
It’s because the timing isn’t right yet.
I’ll give you another example.
You and your ex girlfriend seem to be connecting like before.
Everything about the way things are progressing get you excited for what the future holds.
Then suddenly she calls you up and tells you that her father has suddenly passed away.
Is that the right time to declare your undying love for her and ask for her back?
Probably not, right?
But let’s assume that you have a bit of crazy in you and you decide to declare that undying love.
Does she take you back?
Because the timing isn’t right.
Now, how does this connect to the no contact rule?
A lot of people look at the no contact rule as this self imposed prison that we put ourselves in to prevent ourselves from doing something stupid and while there is certainly some merit to that argument.
It’s just as true that the no contact rule is a strategy we use to help get the timing right.
To ensure that an ex is ready to take us back.
But how can we measure something like this?
Well, we can’t.
Based on my research it takes anywhere from 3 to 6 months to have a successful “ex back” campaign.
And that number includes a no contact rule being done. So, in many cases the no contact rule alone isn’t enough to get the timing right.
But that’s where the next part of our strategy comes into play.
2. Make Sure You Show Don’t Tell
My schedule when it comes to writing these articles is kind of crazy. Typically it’ll take me anywhere from 1 to 5 hours to finish an article.
It depends a lot on how I’m feeling and what I have going on.
Sometimes I am just on a roll and can crank out 2,000 words in an hour.
Other times I struggle and take about fifteen breaks before I reach a point where I feel I can end the article.
Today, as I was writing this article, I got interrupted.
I had a coaching call!
My client had a long and complicated situation but she literally found herself in your situation.
She wanted her ex back in her life but found that as she got him back in her life it wasn’t enough.
She wanted to have a romantic connection with him.
For about 40 minutes she told me the story of the relationship and breakup.
(I’ll save you the details there were a lot of ups and downs.)
Anyways, as she was telling me the story of her relationship and breakup I began to notice an interesting theme.
Eventually the theme became so apparent I interrupted her in the middle of her story to do some coaching.
Me: “I know what your problem is.”
Her: “Thank god! What is it?”
Me: “Every time you try to get him back you are telling him things. You lost your credibility. You need to start showing him things. Show don’t tell.”
What Is “Show Don’t Tell?”
Almost everyone that I’ve ever worked with thinks that if they can just reason with their ex that they’ll inevitably want to come back.
And everyone who tries that tactic seems to fail.
Have you ever wondered why?
Well, if you really think about it all that matters when it comes to getting your ex back is figuring out why they won’t want to get back together with you.
Let’s use your ex girlfriend as an example.
Let’s say that after a lot of introspection you determine that your ex doesn’t want you back because,
- You constantly flirted with other women
- She fell out of love with you
- You were constantly fighting
So, it makes sense that in order for her to be ready to take you back you’d have to find a way to overcome these things.
And that is when you make your first mistake.
You spend all of your time telling her things have changed. You tell her that you are different and that it’ll never happen again.
Sure, it may work on her a little at first but over time it grows thin because you are the one telling her these things.
She isn’t coming to this conclusion on her own.
And how is it that she can have this conclusion on her own?
Well, she will see you doing certain things or acting a certain way and think,
“Wow, maybe he has really changed.”
I talk about this paradigm shift in this video,
Do you see how much more powerful it is to have her come to this kind of a conclusion on her own as opposed to having you try to convince her?
But that still doesn’t mean we have covered your biggest concern.
3. Get Her To Associate You With Romance
A few weeks ago I posted a definition video where I talked about a concept called misattribution of emotions,
If you haven’t already I highly recommend you check that video out.
Did you watch it yet?
This concept is really important for you to grasp because it’s going to be the primary way we are going to get your ex girlfriend to associate you with romance.
In the video I tell the story of a scientist, Dan Ariely, who performed a fascinating experiment.
He had surveyed an audience before they were about to watch a live show of a band asking them one simple question,
How would you rate the attractiveness of each member of this band?
The audience gave him their answers and then went on to watch the performance.
At an intermission he surveyed the audience again asking them the same exact question.
That’s when something interesting happened.
The same people who had rated the band a certain attractiveness level increased their ratings.
He found this same phenomenon happening across everyones scores.
Well, he chalked it up to the fact that when human beings experience emotion we tend to attach that emotion to the nearest thing that makes sense.
So, take the audience watching this bands performance as an example.
They watch the performance and feel all kinds of emotion,
And after just having experienced all of this they attached those emotions to the band members who made them feel these things.
This made them more attractive.
So, how can we use this concept for our purposes?
Well, if you want your ex girlfriend to associate romanticism to you then you want to experience something romantic with her together.
Take a TV show like the bachelor as an example.
Women compete to go on dates with a singular bachelor. The dates are arguably the most romantic dates you can think of,
But everything about the date is kind of awkward if we are being 100% honest.
You have cameras following you around.
The conversation probably isn’t the greatest in the world.
But despite all of that these women fall in love with the bachelor consistently.
Because of the crazy rollercoaster of emotions they are going through.
And the thing that makes sense to them is that the bachelor is causing them to feel that way when really it’s a combination of,
- Social Pressure
- The actual exciting date
Here’s my point.
If you want your ex girlfriend to associate you with being romantic you want to invite her somewhere she can feel these types of emotions without having her think you are trying to be romantic.
Ok, pretend for a moment you take your ex girlfriend, as a friend, to a haunted house.
Let’s just pretend it’s halloween.
Look how this experience is framed.
You are both going in to a haunted house together and it’s supposed to be fun so there is going to be excitement built in.
It’s also going to be scary so that will help with the adrenaline.
Oh, and since it’s scary what is the first place she is probably going run for when something jumps out at her?
So, physical touch gets established and next thing you know she is associating you with romance because you are the guy that makes her feel safe.
Use the misattribution of emotions to your advantage.
Lately a lot of men have been contacting me asking for help.
I’m writing like that is something new, it’s not.
But I just want to say that probably the best place to get answered is on this website.
Me or my team respond to every comment personally and do our best to help you resolve your situation.
So, if you have any questions, concerns or comments this is the place to do it!