When you suffer a breakup, it’s hard enough.
But when your ex girlfriend won’t give you closure and explain to you what happened and why she ended things – well that can be really tough to deal with.
In this article, I am going to explain to you why your ex girlfriend won’t give you the closure you so much seek. I am going to walk you through what she is probably thinking and why she won’t talk about it.
Then in the second part of this article, I am going to give you some insights that will help you think about closure in a different way.
Because after all, it does help to know what led her to end things if you are seeking to potentially make the relationship work in the future.
But at the same time, you don’t want to muck things up by coming off as pushy or demanding.
Why Your Ex Won’t Give You Closure About Her Reasons For Breaking Up
We all seek to know why we are rejected. It is a natural thing.
If your girlfriend tells you its over, but doesn’t explain why, then invariably you are going to be left confused and distraught. That is no way to live.
We want to know what we did wrong so we can understand and if it’s something we can control, we want to improve.
That is the normal way we act and feel when we face a breakup without closure.
Yet sometimes it happens. A girl or a guy will end things and not explain in clear enough terms and language why they don’t want to go forward with the relationship.
So I get it.
If you don’t get some kind of closure, often you are left more confused and depressed. You are left wondering why over and over again and begin to question everything you did (or didn’t do).
Here are seven reasons why your girlfriend chose not to give you closure following a breakup.
1. She Is As Confused About the Relationship As You Are Right Now
You may be confused and seeking answers, but your girlfriend might not be filling you in on what she is thinking because she may be in her own world of confusion about what happened.
She might not be able to even articulate in a rationale way why she behaved as she did and ended things.
While you may be seeking an explanation, she may be spinning around in her mind trying to piece together what happened.
2. She Thinks the Reason Is Obvious and Therefore Avoids the Discussion
Sometimes the ex girlfriend won’t offer closure because she thinks that the reasons for the breakup is painfully obvious, so in that respect she may just avoid conversation.
If your relationship with your ex was filled with difficult times, then there may not be one single reason for why things went south.
Rather it could be many things, but in the mind of your former girlfriend the relationship is broken, so why even entertain offering an explanation. In her mind, nothing else needs to be said.
She may be simply looking for escape.
3. Your Ex Girlfriend Is Afraid of Hurting Your Feelings
Closure can also be difficult to achieve if your ex girlfriend is afraid to say anything to you.
She might be concerned about hurting your feelings and making things worse.
So the lack of closure could be one of those things that reflect on her not wanting to cause you and her more pain.
She could be sparing you and herself from more pain and heartbreak.
4. She Is Unsure of Why She Wanted To Breakup
Another factor that could be at work that is causing the whole breakup situation to be such a blur is that your girlfriend may be unsure about what she wants.
She might need some time to process it all.
If she initiated the breakup, yet is having second thoughts, then she is less likely to fill you in on her innermost thoughts.
Her reasoning may be why confuse you more.
It may be one of those situations where closure is not needed because she isn’t even ready to bring things to an end.
5. Your Ex Girlfriend Won’t Give You Closure Because She May Change Her Mind
Another mental calculation your ex girlfriend may be experiencing is her desire to keep her options open.
Her reasoning may be that if she told you her initial reasons for breaking up, then she would look foolish later if she changes her mind.
So your ex may be seeking to buy some time to figure it out. So instead of seeking a clear explanation as to why she shut you out of her life, try to take a step back and ask yourself if she is showing any indications that her mind was not fully made up.
And if you are getting mixed signals then it could be she is courting the idea of maybe getting back together.
Hence pushing for closure could be detrimental to your cause.
6. Your Ex is Still Angry and Doesn’t Want To Engage With You In Any Way
Another angle that could be at play here is that your ex girlfriend is still very upset with you and has no interest in talking to you, never mind giving you the kind of closure you think you need.
After a breakup, people tend to turn inwards. There is a lot to process. The notion of explaining herself to you may very well be the last thing on her mind.
So before getting bent out of shape because you are in the dark about why she won’t talk to you about her reasons for ending things, it is usually best to allow for some time to go by to let the anger subside.
7. She is Still Too Emotional And Hurt To Talk About the Relationship
Speaking of emotions running loose, your ex may be dealing with all sorts of feelings. While you are trying to get answers to what happened, she may be still reeling from the pain and hurt that has rained down on her.
Even if she instigated the breakup, just know that she might be filled with guilt and uncertainty.
She may not have a good grip on her own actions and why she did and said what she did.
It is even possible that what happened between you and her was an imperfect storm of emotions that led to a most unfortunate act.
There could still be time to resolve this and save the relationship.
So under such circumstances it would be the wrong move to push hard for closure. If you do, you might be accelerating the end of the relationship.
How Do You Get Closure Without Making Things Worse?
I think by now you are starting to realize that there is a time and place for trying to get more information from your ex girlfriend about what happened.
Trust me, getting closure can be overrated.
It could be the wrong time to gain this clarity because you could be unknowingly sabotaging your chances of getting back together. This is often the case in the very early stages of a breakup.
It can also be the wrong time to get answers to the hard questions if your ex girlfriend herself doesn’t even know what she is feeling or is still struggling with what she wants.
Also, there are some relationships that are meant to end.
They don’t advance because there could be a basic mismatch between the two people on many levels.
You may find you and your ex girlfriend involved in a series of fits and starts when it comes to the relationship.
In these kinds of cases, you may not really need to know what happened because the story is right in front of you. You lived it.
I know that some people reading this article are dead set on getting the “answer” to what happened.
But what happened may not be over with. So before you demand from your ex “closure”. Take a step back and let some time wind down.
Truth has a way of emerging and even then, it can still be murky, cloudy, and unclear due to the complexities associated with feelings and relationships.