How To Ask Your Ex Girlfriend On A Date With You (And Get A YES!)

I want you to take a look at something for a minute for me.

Below I have created a graphic that represents a birds eye view of the entire “get your girlfriend back” process,

get your girlfriend back

This entire website is dedicated to teaching you the lessons within each of those orange bubbles. For example, if I write an article about the no contact rule then that means I am teaching you about the no contact rule orange bubble above. If I write an article about getting your ex to fall in love with you again then that means I am writing an article in the “re-attraction” bubble.

Get it?

Well, for the first time in the history of this site I am going to be moving on to a bubble that I haven’t covered before.

Care to take a guess?

get your girlfriend back

If you guessed the date bubble then you would be right.

The truth is that I have never covered the date bubble as in-depth as I would like but that is going to change today as I am going to be teaching you exactly how to ask your ex girlfriend out on a date and maximize your chances of getting that “yes” that you are craving so badly.

Oh, and if you think it’s easy then you have another thing coming because it’s not.

How This Page Works

This page is going to proceed with one goal in mind, getting you a date with your ex girlfriend.

Now, I want to be completely transparent with you. I can’t guarantee that you will get a date with your ex girlfriend. The truth is that the only person that can guarantee that is your ex girlfriend. However, what I can do for you is put you in the best position to get a yes from her.

How can I do that?

  • By teaching you the factors that cause women to say “yes” to a date.
  • By showing you how you can take advantage of these factors to influence her.
  • By explaining the “risk factors” with asking for a date.
  • By giving you my recommendation on what you should do to get the date.

Well, this entire page is structured in a way that it hits on all of the points above.

My goal here wasn’t just to make the most educational page on asking your ex girlfriend out on a date but it was to make it the most down to earth one as well.

I really want to create something that you connect with and I think I did that here.

Why Asking Your Ex Girlfriend Out On A Date Is So Challenging

reasons to date me

Have you ever felt a breakup before?

It hurts… a lot.






Loss of appetite…

Are all things associated with a breakup.

As humans we are hard wired to be attracted to things that make us feel good.

Sex is a perfect example of this. I am sure if having sex felt like rubbing the family jewels against concrete no one would want to have it. Of course, those of you who have been lucky enough to know the touch and feel of a woman know that sex feels like the exact opposite of this.

Hence that is why the human race is addicted to it.

Well, a breakup does not feel good and as a result your ex girlfriend is going to associate the things she feels with the breakup with you which means that it is going to be extra hard to get a date with her.

Another Man’s Advantage Over You

Lets do a fun little role play here for a minute.

Lets pretend that you are vying for your ex girlfriend’s attention and another man with no history with your ex is vying for your ex girlfriend’s attention as well.

Who do you think has the advantage here?

Most people would think that the ex boyfriend (or you in this case) would have the advantage due to the dating history you have with your ex.

However, I would like to counter that by saying that oftentimes when a breakup occurs the girl is left with a sour taste in her mouth.


Just take a look at all the symptoms of a breakup above.

Assuming this happens to your ex girlfriend that means that she is going to project her bad feelings of the breakup onto you.

This gives the man with no history a small advantage over you.

Given the choice between you and him she is going to pick him more often than she would pick you I am betting.

So, how do you overcome this?

How do you get from here,


To here?


Well, in order for me to teach you that I think you have to have insight into your ex girlfriends mind.

Specifically you need to understand the factors that women look at that cause them to say “YES” to a date.

(YES) Date Factor #1- She Has To Have Feelings For You


I am a man.

I think exactly like you do.

So, what the heck qualifies me to give you advice on what women are looking for to say “YES” to a date?

This woman,

Jennifer Chris W-099 copy

She’s my wife!

(I did pretty good, right?)

Oh and for all of you who are calling BS here is a picture of us on our wedding day.

Jennifer Chris W-135 copy

Anyways, I felt I was lacking on knowledge a bit for these date factors so I went straight to the fountain of knowledge, my wife.

I asked her what the top qualities were for a woman to say yes to a date and the first words out of her mouth were,

“She has to have feelings for the guy.”

Makes sense…

Women are slightly different than men.

While looks (#3) are a priority to them it isn’t really what seals the deal for them.

These couples are proof of that,

ugly guy hot girl 1

ugly guy hot girl 2

A woman’s feelings for a man transcend everything, including looks.

So, when we turn our attention to your ex girlfriend and getting her to go on a date with you it makes sense that in order for her to be willing to take the risk of going on a date with you she has to have strong feelings for you.

But how?

How can you re-ignite her feelings for you?

How To Re-Ignite Your Ex Girlfriends Feelings For You


Your biggest challenge with factor #1 is the fact that you and your ex girlfriend went through a breakup.

You know what happens when a breakup between a couple occurs, right?

Things get said…

And sometimes those things are so mean that they are hard to recover from. Oh, and not to mention that anything you did wrong in the relationship is going to be brought up at the end most likely.

So, how the heck are you supposed to do in this case.

Well, this is where my E-Book, Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO comes in as it gives you a step by step game plan for how to re-ignite your girlfriends feelings for you. However, I want to do something extra for you here so I am going to teach you another method that I haven’t gone into very often.

I like to call it the “good memory method.”

What Is The Good Memory Method?

I don’t care how bad your relationship with your ex girlfriend was you are bound to have some good memories in the relationship with your ex.

I want you to focus on those.

Focus on the memories that make you smile…

Make your heart leap…

The ones that get you excited…

Do you have the memories?


Once you have thought of those type of memories I want you to take out a piece of paper and write down your top three NON SEXUAL memories.

Here, I’ll play along for your sake.

When I think of my wife and I’s relationship a lot of good memories come to mind.

However, I would have to say that my top three are,

  1. Getting married to her in Key West
  2. Meeting her for the first time in Florida
  3. Going on a hot air balloon with her

You may notice that I bolded the hot air balloon memory.

I did this because I am going to use this memory as an example on how to re-ignite your feelings for your ex.

Ok, so lets pretend that I was trying to re-ignite my wife’s feelings for me (which I will never have to do because she is stuck with me for life!)


However, I am trying to be hypothetical here so I can teach you something.

So, lets say that I am trying to win back my wife and I wanted to use the hot air balloon memory to re-ignite her feelings for me.

Oh, and for those of you who don’t believe that we went on a hot air balloon these are for you,



Anyways, for us the hot air balloon ride was one of the most amazing experiences we have ever shared together.

So, what I would like to do is leverage that good memory and get her to tap into it again.

For example, if she thinks back to the hot air balloon ride and thinks to herself,

“God, we were so in love there.”

It is going to fill her up with feelings of love again.

Maybe just for a slight moment but that slight moment matters.

After all, it takes more than a few sparks to start a fire.

So, that is the premise of the “Good Memory Method.”

Again, if you want an actual structure of how you do this properly I recommend checking out my E-Book,

Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO.

Let’s move on to factor #2

(YES) Date Factor #2- Excitement


I am going to say something a little bit mean to you but just bear with me because I promise there is a point to all of this.


You need to operate under this assumption.


In order for me to answer that I have to ask you a question first.

Lets erase your breakup and pretend that you are the perfect man for your ex girlfriend. You are everything she could ever want in a boyfriend.

You are caring…




I already said that one, didn’t I?

Well, my point is that you are the perfect boyfriend.

There’s just one problem…

You are kind of boring.

You take her to the same places on dates.

You talk about the same things.

There is no excitement.

Ok, now lets pretend that James Bond starts vying for your girlfriends attention,

Bond is good looking,


He is super ripped,


He has an awesome job,

bond job

He always looks sharp,

bond tuxedo

He has an AWESOME car,

Bond car

Oh, and we can’t forget the fact that he knows how to turn women on,

james bond casino royale

Everything about James Bond screams excitement.

Given the choice between you “the boring perfect guy” and James Bond “the exciting guy” which one do you think she will find more thrilling?

Something tells me that she will chose James Bond over you any day of the week.

He has more he can offer her.

Seriously, if a real life James Bond came along and asked your girlfriend out for a date she would say yes in a heartbeat.

Now, would she ultimately end up with Bond?


He is too much of a player.

However, when it comes to going on a date with him pretty much every woman on planet earth would say yes and that is what I am concerned with here. Getting your ex girlfriend to say yes to a date with YOU.

Now I Want You To Imagine Something For Me

From a woman’s perspective what is the biggest downfall of dating a James Bond?

It’s the fact that a breakup is inevitable.

Either Bond’s going to cheat on her or break her heart.

Subconsciously every single girl knows this and yet they are still drawn to him.

They are hoping that they can be the one that tames him.

The one to get him to commit.

Now, imagine if you were to combine the exciting aspects of James Bond with the commitment and compassion that you bring to the table.

It’s a pretty formidable combination, huh?

Your ex girlfriend would look at you as super exciting and she would have assurances that you wouldn’t cheat on her or anything because you are the “perfect boyfriend.”

If you want your ex girlfriend to say “YES” to a date with you then my best advice is to become exciting like Bond but still be the same compassionate guy that wants nothing more than for things to work out.

Excitement intrigues women!

(YES) Date Factor #3- The Future


This factor is going to be a bit shorter than the others because it is pretty straight and to the point.

Most women want a happy future that includes a perfect husband, perfect children and a perfect house.

If they don’t think there is a future in store with you at all they aren’t going to go on a date with you.

Oh, and to make matters worse women have to “achieve” this goal before the age of 35.


Because, around the age of 35 is when the quality of their eggs drop and it becomes harder and harder for them to get pregnant. Seriously, look it up. At age 35 the chance for a miscarriage is a lot higher than before 35.

So, all in all a woman has to see a future with you before she will even consider going out on a date with you.

This becomes especially challenging when you are dealing with your ex girlfriend because she is going to look at you and think to herself,

“He already got his shot…”

“I already know what a future with him is like…”

How do you overcome these types of thoughts if things didn’t go so great in your relationship with your ex?

Well, most experts advise you to change things in your relationship.

For example, if you constantly got into fights over who fed the fish then most experts would have you just stop getting into fights over the feeding schedule of the fish.

While I suppose that is great advice how can you even implement it if you are not with the person anymore?

Does it even matter at that point?

I mean, you can’t really tell your ex girlfriend that things will be different with you with a guarantee when there is no way of guaranteeing it since you aren’t together anymore.

This means you have one of the most complicated tasks in front of you, convincing your ex girlfriend that you have changed without actually being able to show her in the relationship.

How To Convince Your Ex Girlfriend That Things Will Be Different

I am a big proponent of the fact that actions speak louder than words.

So, what I would usually advise to a man in this situation is to show your ex girlfriend with your actions and not your words. Of course, since you are no longer in a relationship with your ex girlfriend it’s kind of hard to show her that things will be different with you this time around with your actions.

Your best course going forward in this situation is to use your words to point at current actions you have done outside the relationship to make a change.

Lets pretend that you were an alcoholic and your ex girlfriend broke up with you because you drank too much.

Well, the only way to convince her that you have changed for the good is to probably retool your life while she isn’t looking and bring attention to it after you have made significant progress.

For example, if you were always going to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, never even going near alcohol and haven’t even been to a bar or anywhere that sells alcohol for a month you would bring attention to this fact when talking to your ex girlfriend.

It’s a way of showing her with your actions that you are different and that a potential future will be different with you.

Now obviously your situation probably isn’t like the alcoholic situation above but you can do little things in every situation to prove that you are working to better yourself.

Find out what those things are and do them!

(YES) Date Factor #4- Persistence


This is something I would have never thought of so you’ll have to thank my wife for this.

Upon asking her,

“Honey, what makes a woman say yes to a date every single time?”

She looked at me for a moment and without a beat listed off everything above.

After she was finished she paused…

Her: “You know what I think really works?”

Me: “What’s that?”

Her: “Persistence, every time a guy is super persistent he always seems to get the girl.”

Me: “That doesn’t work.”

Her: “No, it does. Look at all my girlfriends from girls day (a girls night out gathering.) 80% of their boyfriends were super persistent and it worked for them.”

The more I thought about what she said the more I began to realize something.

Women love to be chased.

Men are supposed to be the hunters after all.

Of course, what kind of persistence do women respond positively to?

We already know from this that women don’t respond well to men who are overly needy or emotional.

I mean, show me a guy who begs for his girlfriend back in a needy way and I’ll show you a guy who won’t get her back.

So, while my wife is an absolute genius when it comes to things like this I don’t think women respond very well to persistence. Instead, I think they respond to subtle persistence.

Persistence Vs. Subtle Persistence

Have you ever looked up the definition of persistence before?

Persistence- continuing firmly or obstinately in a course of action in spite of difficulty or opposition.

When I picture a guy who is persistent trying to get a date I picture a guy who sends flowers, love letters and plans these super extravagant dates. While that may work on some women we are talking about your ex girlfriend here.

In my experience sending flowers, love letters and overstepping your bounds by planning an extravagant date have a low chance of succeeding.

In other words, persistence isn’t going to pay off.

Subtle persistence however, might.

Subtle Persistence- being persistent in a slow yet dedicated manner where you focus on re-igniting attraction over a long period of time.

There is a lot to process with this definition.

Lets start first with the “re-igniting” attraction part.

If you look at a guy who is persistent about getting a date he is going to do the typical things.

Tell a girl she’s beautiful…

Send her flowers…

Say nice things to her in a love letter…

You get it, right?

Well, in my opinion none of that stuff matters as much as her feelings.

As human beings we often follow how we are feeling when it comes to situations like this.

If this guy was smart he would focus on really touching her on an emotional level so instead of leaning on the flowers and gifts he sent her she is leaning on a strong emotional connection.

Emotional connection > Gifts

This is what subtle persistence does so well.

You are in a situation where you are trying to get a date with your ex girlfriend (who clearly doesn’t want anything to do with you right now.) So, in order to really convince her to say yes when you ask her you need to re-ignite your emotional connection with her.

Instead of sending her gifts you focus purely on doing this.

Re-establishing your bond with her.

You can do this a number of ways.

Truthfully, it would take me 10,000 words to explain this so I am just going to recommend that you check out my E-Book to gain more insight into how to re-establish an emotional connection with your ex girlfriend,

Check Out Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO

Now, the thing that really trips most men up with subtle persistence is the part of the definition that says you need to be persistent over a “long period of time.”

Most men get discouraged when things don’t go their way right off the bat.

For example, lets say that you work really hard to re-ignite your exes feelings for you and your efforts seem to be going well. Of course, when the time finally comes to ask her out on a date she turns you down.

Most men give up.

I mean, she rejected you, right?

Not necessarily.

I can’t tell you how many success stories I have had on this site from men who just never gave up.

I always love to give an example when men come to me asking if they should give up.

Mike Tyson is one of the greatest boxers of all time.

He was 50-6 (with 2 no contests.)

Everyone was afraid of him and they had good reason to be.

Look at what he used to do to people.


If every single time that Mike Tyson threw a punch that missed he were to give up then he would literally be a nobody…

A has-been…

Sure, not every single punch that Mike Tyson threw landed but he was so persistent that when one of his big punches landed he would do what you see above to grown men.

That’s not possible without persistence and getting your ex girlfriend to go on a date with you isn’t going to be possible without persistence on your part.

ASKING FOR THE DATE – The Three Risk Theory

I want you to go ahead and do me a favor.

Check out the graphic below,

three rung ladder

I have a very strategic way of teaching men how to ask their ex girlfriends out on a date and it ties directly in to the three rung ladder graphic above.

Basically, if you want to secure a date and maximize your chances of getting your ex girlfriend back you have to move up the ladder so to speak.

Think about the act of climbing up a ladder.

You don’t just try to jump to the top right away.

No, you start at the lowest rung and slowly work your way up.

Well, we are going to be doing the same thing when it comes to asking your ex girlfriend on a date.

You are going to start at the lowest rung of the ladder with a “low risk proposition.”

After you have proven yourself with a low risk proposition you are going to work your way up to a “medium risk proposition.”

It is only then, once you have climbed up the ladder that you will reach the top with a “high risk proposition” (AKA a date.)

Now, I know what you are thinking.

What the heck are these propositions?

Good question.

In order to understand that I have to explain something to you.

The Marriage Theory

Lets pretend that you’ve met an amazing woman last night.

The woman is unlike any you have ever met before and you are thinking in your head that you want to marry her.

Well, if you asked her to marry you the next time you saw her she not only will be incredibly creeped out by you but she will say no. Of course, if you took the time to date her, get to know her and build rapport with her over time she is more likely to say yes, right?

The same principle applies here when it comes to asking your ex girlfriend on a date (just on a smaller scale.)

Rather than attacking her right off the bat with a high risk proposition like a date you are going to slowly but surely build up her trust in you with smaller propositions that will eventually lead to you getting a date or climbing to the top of the ladder.

The Three Propositions

You will notice that on the graphic above I called the three propositions,

  1. Low Risk
  2. Medium Risk
  3. High Risk

What I would like to do now is quickly explain what these propositions are.

Lets start with a low risk proposition,

Low Risk Proposition

Lets say the time comes for you to ask your ex girlfriend out on a date.

You have done everything I have recommend in Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO and you are really confident in yourself and you really know how to build up attraction.

Well, rather than asking your ex girlfriend out to a one on one date (a high risk proposition) you should start off a little bit smaller to earn back her trust and work your way up to that one on one date.

So, what should you do?

Ask her on a group hangout among friends.

Maybe invite her to a party…

Maybe you and some of your best friends and their girlfriends are going to play laser tag and you invite her.


For some reason when other people are included in your “hang out” it’s less threatening to a woman. She feels safer and less pressure and if you show her a great time she is going to be more amenable to saying yes to a medium risk proposition.

Medium Risk Proposition

Once you have succeeded in getting your ex girlfriend to go on a “group hang out” with you, you can move up to the second rung of the ladder to a medium risk proposition.

What is a medium risk proposition.

I like to call it a “catch up.”

Lets say that you moved away from your hometown 10 years ago and you have just come back and you call up your friend to meet you up for a cup of coffee to catch up.

Same principle here.

You want this catch up to feel a little like a date but it can’t have any signs of being a real date.

Signs of being a real date include,

  • Nighttime
  • Bar
  • Dinner
  • Dancing
  • Movies
  • (You get what I am going for here)

Essentially this is a coffee date in the middle of the day.

It’s one on one so it’s a step up from the low risk proposition but it can’t have the tell tale signs of a date.

High Risk Proposition

This is the hardest type of date to get with your ex girlfriend.


Because it’s an actual date.


Everything I have taught you up to this point has been to make your ex girlfriend say YES to you when you ask her out to this type of a date.

It is super important that you first get her on the low risk and medium risk proposition dates before you ask her out on this type of a date.

What should this date be like?

Pull out all the stops on this one.

It has to be more romantic than anything she has ever been on in her entire life.


Written by EGR team mate

Chris Seiter

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19 Comments on "How To Ask Your Ex Girlfriend On A Date With You (And Get A YES!)"

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Hey! Just a few questions. Really good website btw, keep it up! First of all, I’ve been playing computer alot and she ended it due ti that fact among with me not wanting to go out and do stuff (since I would rather just sit at the computer then going out). I realised this and talked to her about it but without saying a Word about it before she just Said that she thinks it’s too late and that she can’t give me a 2nd chance cus she don’t Love me anymore. I’m 24 she’s 21. We did NC kinda… Read more »
my ex broke up with me 4 month ago. We’ve been together for 8 years and it was to a certain point a great relationship full of love and respect for each other. Actually, we were planing to have kids. In January I started having panic attacks and depressions which got more severe the following month. I didn’t want to meet friends or go out anymore. When I came back one Sunday morning, she broke up with me, telling me “I want it to be over” and that she is has fallen in love with her co-worker. Actually, my whole… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

sorry bejamin..that’s incomplete.. it’s [email protected]

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Benjamin,

you can email at [email protected]


After getting a bunch of very positive signals, she turned me down saying that she really enjoys being my friend and would like for us to stay that way. Should I go into no contact for 21 days? should I wait a couple days and then go into no contact? Do I just go back to persistence?

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jeff,

sorry for the late reply. How did you reply to that? Are you still talking to each other? You should say you understand and then do some jealousy moves. Start to go out with friends more and date others and maintain yourself. Do more fun things with your dates.


Hi Amor and Chris,
Great article!
I’ve been implementing all the steps of the ex gf recovery pro book (love it)and managed to get a first date with my ex ‍‌‌‌‌‌‍‌‍‍‌gf! I handled myself properly during the date, we had a great time, and she even asked me to keep in touch with her…. My question is :how long should I continue to contact her through text messages and phone calls before I ask her for another low to medium risk date?

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

it depends on the schedule.. if you can do it after a week two that’s better

Hi, I had a fling this summer — several dates but nothing physical — with another intern at my summer job. She was interested initially, which was really the only reason I asked her out. But we were in different situations and she was much more busy than I was. She tended to take me for granted (canceling dates and such) and I certainly got a bit needy for a few days and she broke it off. Now our internship has extended into the school year (we go to different schools) but aside from brief work related inquiries, it has… Read more »
Hi Chris, So my girlfriend of a year and a half broke up with me 2 days ago, on Sunday we agreed to take a two week break, then on Monday morning I was at work and got a text from her basically saying “Sorry to do this in a text but its over and has been for a while” which makes no sense because we were having sex and saying I love you just last week. When I asked why she just said she doesn’t know how she feels about me now, and I don’t make her happy anymore.… Read more »
Hi Chris Me and My fiancee broke up 3 days ago, we were together for 6 years and we got engaged on January this year i took a second job so save up for weeding stuff and i feel things went down after that, we wouldn’t go out that much anymore probably same places and thats bc i was required to work weekends i was able to talk to my boss and i got the weekends off now but it was a little to late bc she told me she was confused and didn’t know what she wanted she said… Read more »
Hi Chris, after our break up (where she said that she didn’t want anything to do with me anymore) I had implemented a NC after 7 days, she contacted me because she was jealous about a picture, that I’ve posted on Facebook., where I was posing with a girl. I told her, I would call her the next day because I preferred not to react right away. When I called her, she was calm and listening. We talked about last 7 days, whe laughed a little bit and after that I’ve ended the conversation. After that I didn’t contact her… Read more »
Hey Chris, I was devastated the other day when my gf broke it off with me I did the begging no no for one day. Then I started to read everything on here and it really really calmed me down than you. So I guess right now she thinks I’m crazy, yea not good so in these very few days I have looked into what I was doing wrong, kinda lost my confidence and became needy after the honeymoon period ended. And she just kept thinking she didn’t love me as much anymore. I am 19 and she is 17,… Read more »

hey I was just wondering, If you see your ex on a regular basis,(ie. school, work etc.) how will that effect the texting aspect of things if at all? and what should i do if she talks to me in said situation when i am trying to take it slow with texts and rebuild attraction?

Hey Chris, Lot of great material on your site. I got a pretty strange situation to get your opinion on. I broke up with my girlfriend almost 6 weeks ago of almost 3 years. This was our second time breaking up, we broke up about a year ago and got back together after about a month and a half apart. This time I thought it was really what I wanted, but after a little time I realized I want to get her back and keep her for good this time. Background: we work together, we’re extremely close, best friends type… Read more »
Hello Chris, as suggested on your page I’ve done the NC 21 days. I decided to end the NC by texting her asking how she’s been doing, and I can say the response is unexpectedly good. I didn’t text about emotional stuffs, instead I asked about her business. She asked me back several times and seemed happy to text back though she’s not that kind of text message person + a busy one, so the word count was like around 20-25 (me) and 13-15 (her). The next day after that first contact, I asked “Hey would you mind going out… Read more »