What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExGirlfriend Back?

Your Ex Girlfriend Says She Wants Space… How The Heck Can You Win Her Back?

So, your ex girlfriend says she wants space…

But you don’t want to give her space. No, you want to do everything in your power to win her back and if that means being aggressive then so be it. However, every single time you “crowd” her you find that your ex girlfriend keeps backing away.

“What the hell is happening?”

You think to yourself.


How can I sum this up to you so it really gets through your head?

If you want your ex girlfriend back then the the last thing you want to do is be pushy.

What do we know so far?

Well, we know that you have clearly attempted to get your girlfriend back and failed. In fact, you failed so miserably that your ex girlfriend told you that she needs space…

But what does she really mean when she says she wants space?  And how on earth do you deal with the intense desire that seemingly has taken control of your mind and body to close off that space.  She seems to want it or even demand it.  While the very thought of giving her more room and space to catch up with her emotions is driving your crazy.

You may be thinking, “what on earth is so difficult about this all”.  You know what you want and your ex girlfriend has  to truly know what she wants.  So why give her more time and space you may think?  “Let’s get this show on the road”, you say to yourself to get pumped up.  But rushing in to recoup your ex girlfriend can be tricky business.

Before We Begin I Need To Tell You Something Important

Many men come to this website wanting to get their ex girlfriends back.

But there’s a problem with this line of thinking….

Getting an ex girlfriend back generally isn’t a simple process. It requires a lot of thought, strategy and even a little bit of luck.

The truth is that I can’t tell you everything that you absolutely need to know about getting your ex girlfriend back in this article.

For me to say that I can would be a lie.

Luckily, I have created something that can tell you just about everything you absolutely need to know to get your ex girlfriend back.

You can learn more about it by clicking the button below,

Get Relief Faster With Tactics I Can't Put on the Blog...


How Do You Navigate Through Your Own Feelings

Most men struggle when their girlfriend tells them that they need some time to clear their head and heart.  It is not easy for any man to hear or even believe that their ex does not want to be bothered.  That is the last thing a guy wants to hear.

Often men will have different reactions to their breakup predicament.

They may think to themselves, “this ex girlfriend of mine wants space,OK, I will giver her all the space she will need to come back”.  Then instead of balancing his girlfriend’s needs with his own, he decides to give her all the room she would ever want, looking for ways to punish her through jealousy plays and false rumor mills.  Some men are prone to become strident, even vindictive when their ex girlfriend tells them to they simply want to be left alone.

So some men can go into a complete shut down mode, sometimes ruining chances to ignite the relationship again when their ex puts out subtle clues that she is ready.

That is one typical reactions I have seen with some guys.  Then we have these guys who question everything.  They will challenge me on whether giving their ex girlfriend plenty of latitude and allow time for healing and an attitude readjustment is really a good idea. They will start arguing with me, insisting they know their ex girlfriend better than anyone. The will convince themselves that the best defense against her desire to have space is to go on the offense and just overwhelm her with attention.  “Does giving my exp space really work?“, they will inquire.  “What if I give my ex girlfriend plenty of space and she thinks I don’t care for her?”, they will worry.

Here is the tricky emotional part.  You can actually fool yourself into thinking that she doesn’t really mean what she says, so you go in to make things right, only to be rudely rejected by your ex.  Not expecting this, you can become wrapped up in negative emotions as a result of feeling betrayed and shunned, then exasperate things by saying some more ugly stuff or doing things behind the scenes that send her into a deeper rate.

Then there are those guys who go into a sort of panic or desperate mode.  ” She asked me to stay away.  Not to get into her life.  My girlfriend wants space so it must be all over.  Will she every come back?  I am so screwed?  Everything in me tells me she is slipping away and I am doing nothing to save this already crippled relationship. I can’t see how I can damage this even more.  I just don’t believe anything is going to work”

After stewing over the lack of communication over the last several hours, they will start to feel their own inactivity to make amends with her must be compounding the matter. Some of these men will rush in with the hopes to win her back, forgetting completely their commitment to their ex girlfriend to leave her be.

This is usually not a good idea as crowding your ex’s space after such a short period of time is not going to win her back.

Couples rarely get over all their mixed up, angry, and confusing feelings in a matter of hours or days.

So fretting over whether giving her space will lead to you losing her for ever and ever, does little to get you to the right place when later it is a more strategic time to try to connect with her.

So if you are one of those guys out there that really regret what has happened with you and your ex girlfriend and are desperately seeking some way to just get back on her good side, just remember that the notion that you are going to say or do something to convince her that you have learned valuable lessons and only simply want for both of you to try again…I say “nice thought”,  but let’s get real!

While you be somewhat in touch with your feelings, chances are you are not even close to understanding what she is thinking right now.

Consider the possibility it might just take longer for your ex girlfriend to find that “place” in her mind where she is ready to entertain any notions of anything related to you.

So do your self a favor! Trust me when I tell you that to get things back to square one and to regain just SOME of the trust from the woman you love, you will need to allow her time to recover.

Chances are that some of you are sitting out there in some kind of breakup funk, plotting exactly when and were you will see her?   Let me give you some more texture of why you are on some really fragile ground.


Why Does Your Ex Girlfriend Push You Away

give your girl some room

It a minute, I am going to talk to you more about what it means when she says, “Keep away from me.”

It realize language like that from your ex is tough to hear.  You literally have to fight every impulse not to ignore her request.  But I want you to know that in some ways she is testing you.

If you have been controlling her too much lately, bossing her around, always trying to get your way; then rest assured that not only does she not want to see you at this time, but she is testing to see whether you will respect her privacy.

So the worse thing you can do is behave like you have some entitlement to see her.  You don’t want to ignore her needs.  If you do make unsolicited overtures to your ex girlfriend, she is likely to say to herself (or you), “You see, I knew he would not respect my boundaries”.  

So in this case, if you acted in opposition to her intentions, she will dig in even deeper.  If you keep trying to force your way into her heart, it could grow to intensify her concerns about ever being with you.

In effect, may be throwing a big monkey wrench into getting her to notice you again.  Right now, she may be going through a phase of trying to forget about you.  Don’t interrupt that important phase she must go through.  In the end, it will work out better if you let her process through the conflicting thoughts.  Though there are some subtle things you can do to win favor with her which I cover in my eBook

Getting Your Ex Girlfriend To Notice You Without Talking To Her

Allowing your ex girlfriend room to breathe without be bothered by you for some time is really critical. But not everyone agrees.

Here are quotes from 5 guys who took the opposite tack.  Instead of respecting their ex girlfriends wishes, they plotted to get back in the good graces of their ex.

Hey Chris.  I hear what you are saying but my girlfriend is really different.  She craves attention.  Yeah, I know.  She is pissed at me and with good reason to feel that way.  She says she hates me and screamed at me to stay out of her world. Its only been about a day since all this crap happened.  So I figure I am going to pinch it in the bud.  What’s wrong with just showing up with a bouquet of flowers and telling her let’s try again.  What do I have to lose? 

Yep, I screwed things up royally with my girlfriend.  She found out I was seeing her friend while we were actively dating.  There was no sex with the other one.  I was just feeling it out.  Some how she learns about it all and now she says she doesn’t want me – needs space to figure out her life.  I think this is all on her.  I figure she put her friend up to all this to see if I would have sex with her.  But I didn’t.  I get no credit for that.  So I am thinking about going over to her place and confronting her about what brought all this one.  I don’t care about her personal space and this stuff about feeling betrayed and wanting a quiet place to be alone.  I just don’t believe her.

Look pal, you are wrong about all this!  When an ex tells you they are sick of you and don’t want to think of you and hope to never see you again and to stay out of their lives because they want to forget you; what it all really means is please come see me…show me you love me by running to my rescue…I am not anywhere as mad at you think I am.  That is what they really mean. My ex girlfriend tried that on me.  She said….  I want my privacy back.  I want my other life back. I need special time to figure out if you are the right guy for me.  But you know, I didn’t fall for it because I know it was all a put on.  So guys, if your women says stay away it’s all really code for her secret desire for you to be her prince and save her.

So to be fair to the contrary views on this topic I covered some above. But I strongly encourage you not to follow their advice. For 2 of the 3 guys, what I told them would happen actually did happen and it was worse.

Be wary of your ego.  It can lead you down the wrong ex recovery path.

My advice to all these guys was to slow down.  Respect your girlfriend’s need to get in touch with what is going on in her mind. Remember, sometimes less is more.  The less things you do to violate whatever remaining trust she has for you, the better.  In those early days after the breakup, the intensity of her angry and resentful feelings cannot be underestimated.

When we get upset or hurried, we can make mistakes.  We can stumble.  We can rush to judgement about the events around the breakup and our mind can play tricks on us.  You might have this little voice in your head saying, “She really doesn’t want me to stay away”. Invariably, one thought leads to another and soon you find yourself driving over to her place to just “talk”, forgetting that just 24 hour earlier, your ex girlfriend insisted that you stop calling and texting.

Maybe your ex at some level deep inside her is secretly craving to be with you again and is hoping you will instigate things.  And that is all good. But if you are heavy handed and move too soon and clumsily in your efforts to restore the relationship after a breakup, then you could create an even bigger mess.

And guess what?

I feel so strongly about this, I going to talk to you some more about this invaluable breakup lesson, but from a different angle.


What Your Ex Girlfriend Means When She Says She Want’s Space

what do you mean

Brace yourself because I am about to drop some serious knowledge.

Are you ready?

On average a human being will have anywhere from 12,000 to 50,000 thoughts a day.

Now, what is the first thing you think when you hear that?

No volunteers?

Ok, I will tell you what I thought.

I thought,

Wow what a discrepancy…

Nevertheless, even at the low end,12,000 thoughts a day is a lot.

Now, here is the question I want to ask you.

When a woman goes through a breakup, when it’s fresh, how many of those 12,000 thoughts a day are dedicated to thinking about the person she broke up with?

Speaking from experience, people can get a little obsessive when it comes to their breakups and it causes this interesting effect where all of their thoughts are hijacked for a while.

Lets dive a little deeper here since I want to explain why your ex girlfriend wants space from you.

Thoughts Lead To Feelings

Think about this for a moment.

When you have a thought, that thought will basically tell you how you feel.

Let me prove it to you.

I want you to think about the last time that you laughed. Oh, and I am not talking about the last time you just giggled. I am talking about CRACKING UP. The kind of uncontrollable laughter that would even make “The Joker” jealous,


Chances are that thinking of that will make you feel good.

Now, feelings are generally divided up into two categories, good and bad,

good feelings and bad feelings

So, you have a thought and then that thought immediately gets categorized into one of the two categories above.

Ideally thinking of family should give you happy thoughts…

Thinking of an epic moment in a movie or TV show should also give you happy thoughts…

But what about a breakup?

Where does that get classified?

On the good side?


It gets classified on the bad side.

And that’s where my latest theory comes into play.

The Good Thoughts Vs Bad Thoughts Theory

I have this theory.

It’s actually relatively simple but I have found it to be true in my life.

Human beings are drawn to things that make them feel good.

In other words, human beings run towards the “good feelings.”

good feelings

Of course, the opposite can be said when it comes to “bad feelings.”

We actually run away from things that make us feel bad,

bad feelings

So, what does this theory have to do with your ex girlfriend telling you that she needs space?

Well, think about everything I have told you so far.

Thoughts (lead to) Feelings (lead to) Running Towards/Away

Still don’t get it?

Ok, lets look at this from your ex girlfriends perspective.

ex girlfriends perspective

There are four parts to the graphic above and it all starts with a thought.

Yup, your ex girlfriend is going to have a thought (square one) that makes her think about the breakup with you. Now, as I explained above, thoughts are very powerful as they can make you either feel good or bad. Of course, since the thought that your ex had was about the breakup it is going to make her feel bad (square two.) Now, I also explained that human beings run towards good feelings and away from bad feelings. Since this is a bad feeling your ex girlfriend is going to be inclined to run (square three.) This inclination to run is what makes your ex girlfriend say the special words, “I need space…” (square four.)

So, that’s it, right?

Ehh… Not exactly.

You may have noticed that there is an arrow pointing from square four to square one.

That arrow is very important because it starts this whole process over and over again.

How does that work?

Lets say that your ex girlfriend tells you that she wants space from you.

Well, the act of her having to tell you that gives her another thought and guess what that thought is about?


And you know what the breakup makes her feel, right?


And what do people with bad thoughts often do?

Well, they run….

Oh, and when your ex girlfriend has a need to run away from you what does she say to you?


Do you see how this viscous cycle works?

Now, it’s my job to get you out of this cycle because make no mistake about it, it is the one that you are in right now.

Of course, a lot of you aren’t helping with your incessant GNATTING.

How GNATS Fit Into This


So, now that you understand what is going through your ex girlfriends mind when she says,

“I want space…”

Lets talk about what you are doing to screw the situation up even more.

What does your first instinct tell you to do to salvage a situation after a breakup?

It tells you to try to fix things immediately, right?

Here’s the thing though, this is one of those situations that isn’t going to get fixed by something that you say right after it happens. Nevertheless, this fact doesn’t deter a lot of the men who come to this site. You see, they are under belief that they have some special phrase or exclamation that they can say that will make their ex girlfriend go,

“Oh my god… I miss you so much. Take me back.”


They are dreaming.

What ends up happening is that they engage in something that I like to call “GNATTING.”

I created an acronym for this.

G– Going

N– Nuts

A– At

T– Texting

The acronym pretty much sums it up.

A man who is a GNAT is constantly trying to text his ex girlfriend trying to “fix things.”


Maybe this would go better with an example,


There are a couple of things that I want you to take notice of here.

You definitely noticed that these texts were almost a guy begging for his ex girlfriend back but take a look at the last text.

There is some anger there when the man says,

“Fine, be that way.”

This anger is common with text gnats because often this method doesn’t work and just like when a child wants a toy at the store they throw a tantrum when they don’t get their way.

But here is the worst part about being a GNAT to your ex girlfriend.

By constantly sending her text messages you are kick-starting her thoughts on the breakup.

In other words, you are causing this to happen again,

ex girlfriends perspective

Oh, by the way. Causing your ex girlfriend to go through this process is not a winning strategy to get an ex back.

Does My Ex Girlfriend Mean It When She Says She Needs Space?

what do you mean man

That’s really the million dollar question, isn’t it?

Lets think logically about this.

(And in order to do that successfully we are going to have to look at this from your ex girlfriends perspective.)

Now, just so we don’t hurt YOUR feelings we are going to use a hypothetical situation with your ex girlfriend.

What’s the hypothetical situation?

Your ex girlfriend just broke up with a guy and the guy keeps pestering her. As a result of the “pestering” she gets annoyed and tells him that she needs some space. Does this work? Of course not. He continues to pester her.

Does this situation sound familiar?

It should because it’s the one your in right now. But enough of that. Lets start dissecting.

If you were your ex girlfriend in this situation what would be going through your mind.


Personally speaking I would be thinking a few things if I was your ex girlfriend.

  • The guy who is pestering me is annoying
  • The guy who is pestering me is unstable
  • I am a little scared of this guy

Lets go down the list so you really get a grip on the mind of your ex girlfriend.

The Guy Who Is Pestering Me Is Annoying

This one isn’t really hard to explain.

You would get annoyed to if you told a child to stop screaming in the middle of a crowded store and they refused to do so. Same principle here. If your ex girlfriend is sitting there telling a guy to stop messaging her and he doesn’t do it, it’s going to be a bit annoying.

The Guy Who Is Pestering Me Is Unstable

What makes a guy unstable?

The fact that he doesn’t get the hint and that he has turned into a GNAT.


Unstable is never attractive to a woman.

Stable is.

Of course, a man who is unstable also causes women to have another alarming feeling.

I Am A Little Scared Of This Guy

I always think of that movie “The Sixth Sense” when I think about this.


Well, lets just say that a doctor who dedicated his life to helping mentally unstable children got a visitor one night…

One of his patients as a grown man.


The patient was only wearing underwear and carrying a gun,

sixth sense

Ya… he shot the doctor with that gun.

THIS is the vibe that you are giving off.

(I don’t think that you will be successful in winning your girlfriend back with this vibe.)

Now, I know what you are thinking,

“Ok, we understand this Chris but you still haven’t answered whether or not our ex girlfriends mean it when she says she needs space.”

Ah, you are very right.


Now, most men freak out upon hearing this and determine that they have little to no chance of succeeding in their quest to win the love of their life back. Well, that’s simply not true.

You still do have a chance of getting your ex girlfriend back but you need to do exactly as I say because we are walking a very fine line here and one misstep and you could screw the whole thing up.

Are you ready for me to teach you how to get your girlfriend back if she says she needs space from you?


Ok, the first thing you need to understand are the two approaches that men usually employ in situations like this.

The Aggressive Way Vs. The Passive Way

aggressive passive

One of the coolest things about running a successful website in the relationship niche is the fact that I get to talk with a lot of you. And as a result of the conversations that I have had with you guys I have learned a lot about your mentality.

For example, one of the things that I have learned about you is that I can tell you right here, right now that you will have NO shot of getting your ex girlfriend back whatsoever and you will still try to get her back.

This is all fake of course (you probably really do have a good shot of getting her back) but it’s kind of impressive when you think about it.

I mean, how many people out there are willing to put this type of effort into their relationships?

The Answer = Not many.

Oh, another thing I have learned about you guys is that when a woman tells you that she needs space and you determine that you want to get her back you will try to get her back in one of two ways.

The aggressive way…


The passive way…

Which way is the right way?

Well, you will have to read on to find out.

Lets start with the aggressive way first.

What Is The Aggressive Way Of Getting An Ex Girlfriend Back Who Says She Needs Space?

In order for me to fully explain this to you we are going to have to operate under a few assumptions.

(I am going to explain those assumptions to you right now.)

Assumption #1 – Your Ex Girlfriend Told You That She Needed Space

This one is pretty obvious since it’s kind of what this entire article is about.

Assumption #2 is a bit more interesting though.

Assumption #2- You Have Read My Strategies For Getting An Ex Girlfriend Back

Why is this important to assume?

Because what I am about to talk about is something that is a little more advanced so if you haven’t read any of my books, EGR PRO or The Texting Bible I suggest you drop what you are doing right now, read them, and then come back to this article since what I am about to say next will make more sense to you.

Alright, now that we have the two assumptions out of the way lets talk about the aggressive approach.

The aggressive approach looks a little like this,


So, the main points of the aggressive approach are,

  • NC…
  • Lots of apologizing
  • Following the value chain loosely
  • Being bold
  • Trying to get a date right out of the gate
  • Arrogant Confidence

The No Contact Rule

This is the most basic strategy for getting your ex girlfriend back. You can go anywhere on the net right now and learn about the no contact rule. Now, the way I teach the no contact rule is a lot different than most people but men who employ the aggressive strategy don’t often heed my advice and go into a hardcore no contact.

What’s a hardcore no contact?

Hardcore No Contact- The type of no contact where a man (or woman) enters and doesn’t come out until the other person contacts them after the designated day they have set. For example, if they are doing a 30 day no contact rule and their ex contacts them on day 15 then they ignore. However, if their ex doesn’t contact them until day 61 then that would be when they end their hardcore no contact.

In other words, a hardcore no contact user doesn’t believe in contacting first. They believe their ex has to contact them first.

A Lot Of Apologizing

I briefly touched on this above with my thoughts on GNATS.

Well, I am not going to lie. I have found a definite correlation between aggressive strategy users and GNATS.

Of course, we all know what happens to the GNATS of the world when it comes to ex girlfriends.

Following The Value Chain Loosely

This is kind of an involved point so you will have to read my Texting Bible to fully understand it but here is a quick crash course,

Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back

The value chain basically describes the process in which you contact your ex.

Notice how the value chain slowly intensifies as it moves from texting to phone calls to a small in person interaction and then ends with a romantic interaction.

Well, this is how the value chain is supposed to go.

Someone using an aggressive strategy doesn’t follow the value chain though.

They move from one point to the other with little regard for the process.

Being Bold

I kind of like a little boldness if I am completely honest with you.

This is one thing that the aggressive strategy gets right. Now, I want to be honest with you. When I talk about being bold I am not talking about asking for a date the minute you start talking to your ex girlfriend (more on that in a second.)

I am talking about little bold things here or there like building attraction in the right way.


You know what I am talking about right?

Trying To Get A Date Right Out Of The Gate

I told you that we would get to it, right?

Well here it is.

An aggressive strategy user will ask for a date ASAP.

And this is a problem when it comes to getting a girlfriend back who told you that she needed space.


Arrogant Confidence

How can I describe this?

Ok, this is the type of confidence that the pickup artist community types teach.

You are aware of the cocky funny routine that they are pitching, right?

Well, I think it’s arrogant and your ex girlfriend is definitely not going to find this attractive at all.

What Is The Passive Way Of Getting An Ex Girlfriend Back Who Says She Needs Space?

What is the first thought that pops into your mind when you think of the word passive?

Speaking personally, I get this strange picture of Ghandi,


The truth is that the passive way of getting an ex girlfriend back is a dumbed down version of the aggressive method of getting your ex girlfriend back.

In other words, where the aggressive method was bold the passive method is… well… passive.

Take a look at the graphic below,


So, the passive strategy includes,

  • The No Contact Rule
  • Self Improvement
  • The Law Of Attraction
  • Indirect Actions
  • Indirect Actions That Influence Her To Contact You
  • Takes Too Long On The Value Chain

Now, I hate re-iterating myself on things that I have already covered so I am going to save you a lot of time by not going over the parts of this “passive game plan” that is exactly the same as the “aggressive game plan.”

I am looking at you no contact rule.

Instead, I am just going to jump right to the parts that I haven’t talked about yet.

Self Improvement

I talk a lot about self improvement on this site and in my book.

And truth be told it’s kind of a big deal…

I can tell you that it is for those men out there who use a passive game plan.

In fact, some men take it too the extreme.

Fun fact, I once had a guy contact me (via email) with a 30 day plan on how he was going to improve himself during his no contact rule. Now, I suppose that isn’t anything too out of the ordinary but what was remarkable was the fact that he created a graphic to go along with it.

It was impressive…

Anyways, self improvement is kind of a big deal for the passive game plan.

The Law Of Attraction

Please tell me you have heard about this before?


Well, then you are in for one hell of a ride.

Now, I am not one for stealing “word for word” quotes that often for Ex Girlfriend Recovery but this one is simply too good not to.

This is a word for word quote from Wikipedia,

The law of attraction is the name given to the maxim “like attracts like” which in New Thought philosophy is used to sum up the idea that by focusing on positive or negative thoughts a person brings positive or negative experiences into their life.

The Law Of Attraction is a HUGE deal for the passive game plan that men employ.

What are my thoughts on it?

Well, I am going to reserve that for later though I promise that it’s going to be good.

Indirect Actions

Where the aggressive men were overly bold the passive men aren’t very bold at all.

Given the opportunity to get their ex girlfriend back by talking to her face to face…

Well, that’s where the passivity fails.

You see, passive men would opt for indirect actions as opposed to direct actions when it comes to building attraction and that’s simply not going to cut it.

But again, I will give you my full thoughts in a second.

Taking Too Long On The Value Chain

What did I just establish?

I said that passive men often opt for indirect actions as opposed to direct ones, right?

Well, that means that when it comes to the value chain (which I posted a nice little graphic on above) the passive men take too long. Women are a hot commodity and if you wait too long they will get snatched up.


What Is The Ultimate Way Of Getting An Ex Girlfriend Back Who Says She Wants Space?


What is the better game plan to use.

The aggressive game plan?


The passive game plan?


How about neither.

There are too many flaws with both of these approaches.

You see, while an aggressive game plan (and I hate to admit this) may work on a woman who is in a more “general” breakup situation it’s probably not going to work on a woman who just told you to back off.

Oh, and the passive game plan is a little too passive.

Sure, giving a woman her space when she tells you that she needs it is probably a good idea BUT you can’t ever get her back if you give her too much space.

Fortune favors the brave and eventually you will have to get brave.

The Yin And Yang Theory

You are aware of the philosophy behind “Yin and Yang” right?


Well, then you are in for a treat.

You see, in Chinese Philosophy Yin and Yang,

yin and yang

Was said to describe how opposite or contrary forces are actually complimentary and interconnected.

Well, I can’t think of a better way to describe what I am about to teach you than using some basic Chinese philosophy.

You see, above I described two game plans that couldn’t be more different.

One was a little too aggressive…

yin and yang copy

And the other was a little too passive…

yin and yang copy 2

But what if I told you that there was a way that we could take the best aspects of each plan so that they complimented each other (just like Yin and Yang are supposed to in Chinese Philosophy) to create the perfect game plan.

yin and yang copy

A hybrid game plan that works perfectly for getting your ex girlfriend back if she told you that she needs space?

Well, let me introduce you to the Yin/Yang Game Plan,

yin and yang game plan

As you can see I have taken the best parts from each game plan to create this.

Now, I am going to level with you…

I am running out of steam as I am writing this.

Ever since my wife and I have had a new addition to our family, Lilly,


I have had to stay up every single night with her just so my wife can get sleep and it prevents me from getting any sleep. As a result, I feel like a vampire as today I will have stayed up for 20 hours straight.

Now, I had an opportunity to go to bed three hours earlier BUT I wanted to make sure that I got this article out by the time the weekend started and to be honest I really do enjoy writing these articles but I am running out of steam here.

So, if it’s ok with you I am just going to cover what I find to be the most essential parts of the yin/yang game plan.

Let me point those out to you now.

yin and yang game plan

Well Fu*k…

And here I was hoping to go to bed.

Ok, I guess I have to cover everything.


I guess I should start in order of importance.

The No Contact Rule

This whole enchilada starts with the no contact rule.

Why is the no contact rule so essential?

Well, it is going to accomplish a few things.

The first thing it is going to accomplish is give your ex girlfriend the space she says she wants.

(Yay there!)

The second thing it is going to accomplish is give you time to implement some of the things that come from the passive side of the yin/yang circle.

Lets talk about those things now…

Oh wait…

I forgot to mention something important.

(Sorry, running on barely any sleep here.)

If you remember way back when I was covering “the aggressive strategy” I talked about this idea of the “hardcore no contact rule” which is basically a no contact rule that doesn’t end until your ex girlfriend contacts you after your designated time frame for the no contact rule.

Ya.. that has to go.

The no contact rule isn’t meant to operate this day.

For example, if you decide that you are going to do a 21 day no contact rule then that means that on day 22 you had better start the process of going up the value chain (but more on that later.)

Lets talk about some of the things that need to be done during the no contact rule.

Self Improvement & The Law Of Attraction

The self improvement bit is pretty self explanatory and I cover it in-depth in my book.

Basically you want to improve yourself to become the best version of yourself that ever existed.

But it’s this idea of the law of attraction that really interests me.

Now, if you recall Wikipedia defined the law of attraction as,

The name given to the maxim “like attracts like” which in New Thought philosophy is used to sum up the idea that by focusing on positive or negative thoughts a person brings positive or negative experiences into their life.

If you don’t know what that means then allow me to educate you.

Now, according to people who peddle the law of attraction stuff you basically are born with a superpower.

You think something and if you believe it enough and feel the emotions in your heart then it will become a reality for you.


Let me give you a graphic to explain this,

Law Of Attraction

Now, obviously there is a lot more to it than that but this is kind of the gist of it.

Sounds kind of sketchy, doesn’t it?

That’s what I thought too!

I mean, I am one of those people that has to see to believe. In other words, I am not big on faith.

(I should really work on that.)

Nevertheless, I read up about it and was trying to figure out why so many people seem to be claiming that they were having success with the law of attraction.

And I stumbled across something… interesting.

You see, people who teach “The Law of Attraction” often recommend doing intense visualization.

For example, instead of just “thinking” they want you to get into the mindset of already having achieved your goal. They wanted you to feel the feelings that you would feel and they wanted you to do this continually.

This struck me as interesting as I had once heard about the power of visualization with Olympic athletes.

You see, scientists were interested in seeing how powerful visualization in athletes was so they decided to monitor brain activity of an athlete actually competing in their sport and an athlete not doing anything but visualizing it.

Guess what happened?

Almost identical brain patterns developed.

And this got me thinking…

Technically speaking visualization is a form of practice.

It’s proven scientifically.

So, why not use the visualization aspect of the law of attraction to your advantage when trying to get your ex girlfriend back?

You have plenty of time during the no contact rule.

Value Chain… Boldness… Confidence…

I know what you are thinking…

“Chris, you just grouped these last three things together to save time didn’t you?”

Well… yes.

BUT technically speaking they all do go together.

(More on that in a second.)

If you were to ask me to split up my overall “get your ex back” strategy into two parts then I would probably say that 50% of my strategy revolves around the no contact rule and what you do during that time you are not talking to your girlfriend and the other 50% is the value chain,

Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back

Now, I talked about the value chain above with the aggressive strategy and the passive strategy and how each of those strategies failed to properly utilize the VC to it’s fullest.

If you recall, the aggressive strategy didn’t really follow the value chain at all…

It simply rushed through the process.

Whereas the passive strategy went way too slow and took too long.

The key to the value chain is finding a happy medium somewhere in between the aggressive and passive styles.

Now, I have written how to properly utilize the value chain here so I recommend you check out that guide if you want a more in-depth look at how VC is supposed to work.

What I would like to do now is talk about where boldness and confidence comes into play here.

Boldness & Confidence And Where They Fit Into The Value Chain

If you look at the graphic of the value chain above you will notice that there are two big parts to it.

Part One: The fact that you cannot advance to the next level without first completing the level that you are in.

Part Two: In order to complete the level that you are in you need to build attraction with your girlfriend.

Lets talk about Part One.

So, with part one you have to be bold.

It’s always scary taking a risk from jumping from the comfort of texting to the uncertainty of talking on the phone and that is one area where the aggressive strategy shines. You see, men who are aggressive aren’t afraid to be bold.

They aren’t afraid to take risks.

Now, do I want you taking massive risks?

No, I want you talking calculated risks.

If you look at the value chain graphic I posted above you will notice there are only three big level jumps.

  • Jump One: From Texting To Phone Calls
  • Jump Two: From Phone Calls To A Small In Person Interaction
  • Jump Three: From Small In Person To Romantic In Person

So, you have to be bold to make those jumps and men who are passive aren’t bold enough to make them. They are frozen by failure but fortune favors the bold.

Part two is all about confidence and that’s where build attraction comes into play.

I have yet to meet a woman who isn’t attracted to confidence in a man.

And that’s really important to put on display for your ex girlfriend.

Now, don’t be arrogant with your confidence. That’s one area where the aggressive strategy fails. It’s arrogance overrides it’s confidence.

Ok… I am out of gas now.

See you soon 😉 .

Oh  before I go. Listen up!  I want you to go down to the comment section and make use of it.  Here at EGR, we believe in getting back to those who have questions.  Even if you don’t have something you want to ask us, perhaps you want to share something that will be of help to others.  Feel free to drop us a line.

Looking forward to hearing from you.


Written by EGR team mate

Chris Seiter

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278 thoughts on “Your Ex Girlfriend Says She Wants Space… How The Heck Can You Win Her Back?”

  1. Denis

    February 15, 2018 at 1:10 pm

    My ex and I broke up like 2 weeks ago, and I’ve been trying to do NC unsuccessfully because we go to the same school and classes and because she started talking to me asking for favors and so. Almost every time we saw each other out of school, we ended fighting. On Monday we had another fight and I asked her for my stuff that she used and that was in her house and she got very upset and told me she didn’t want to know anything more about me. I told her yesterday that we should take some time apart (21 days), during which we should only speak to each other about school matters and she agreed. I don’t know what to do about my netflix account that she and her mother use and my spotify account. Should I take them away from her?

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      February 22, 2018 at 11:14 am

      Hi Denis,

      How many times have you broken up and how many times have you done nc?

  2. Calvin

    February 9, 2018 at 4:25 am

    My girlfriend and I dated for nine months. We never really got into any arguments and both seemed to really enjoy the relationship then randomly one morning she came over to my place and broke up with me. She said that she had a small doubt about us and thinks that if we were meant to be together, she wouldn’t have had that doubt. She is going through a lot of stress (works an internship and two part time jobs, last semester of college before graduating, pressure to find a post graduation job, etc.) and said she just needs some time to herself. She told me how much she loved our relationship and that she could see us ending up together at some point down the road. She also pointed out that this was both of our first “real” relationship and that time apart would be good for us as the time apart will help us see if we are truly meant to be together. When she said all of this, I was shocked and honestly didn’t say much. That night, I texted her and asked if we could get together the next night to talk about things. She agreed and we ended up talking for several hours. We had a great talk and I ultimately asked her if she would reconsider things and while she seemed so close to saying yes, she ultimately said that she ended things for a reason and owes it to herself to give herself the space she needs. We also decided to classify this as a break, not a breakup, and agreed that we’d check in with each other in a week to see how we were feeling. A week of no talking went by and I sent her a text. We had a friendly text conversation but towards the end, I let my emotions get the best of me and told her how I wish we were still together. She was nice about it but said that she still needs some space. That was four days ago and we haven’t talked since. I want to respect her and give her space but at the same time, I can’t stop thinking about her and want to do whatever it takes to win her back. Valentine’s Day is next week (we had previously had nice dinner plans) and I thought of a very romantic and creative surprise for her which I know she will love. I think has a small chance of helping win her back and I feel like if this doesn’t work, I will fully be ready to step back and give her all the time she needs. What do you recommend I do? Any feedback is appreciated.

  3. Rob

    January 23, 2018 at 4:57 pm

    My girlfriend and I (both mid to late twenties) have been dating for 20 months until recently. She asked for a break 3 weeks ago. She cited that the last few months were rough with us. We used to work together but now we have two new jobs, both live with our parents, her sister’s wedding, she moved houses and both our parents had medical issues. Our communication hadn’t been great either but we still hung out going to cape cod, billy Joel, jersey boys play, holiday parties and everything in between. She said as she faded back, I gave her space rather than pursue. (My grandparents came down to my house for Christmas but I didn’t bring her because she was moody. And the following days NYE’s party we went to was her ignoring me the entire drive there, back and during.) When we decided to go on break a day later, she said she loves me but is unsure about me. I haven’t talked to her in about a week since we exchanged info about a friends relatives wake. And just wondering what to do? Thanks for the help.

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      February 1, 2018 at 2:48 pm

      Hi Rob,

      When is the wake? Because I think you should start nc after that

  4. Emanuel

    January 21, 2018 at 10:34 pm

    Hello , was wondering if you’s could help me , I’ve been with my girlfriend for 4 years ( well was ) yesterday she broke up with me because “ she needs some time away from me “ I had called her and during the conversation she brought up this “ you don’t know the future manny ( me ) what if we get back together “ and I said “
    But we don’t know when that would be what if I don’t feel the same “ and then she sighed deep sigh to be exact and said “ let’s change subject a bit because I don’t want to go to work with bad makeup” my mother , father and good friend of mine said it was probably the routine of going to her house and relaxin probably bored her , plus stress from her parents and work building up and iam a little annoying at times , but the feelings are completely lost just aren’t as strong , giving her this space until she feels she has a answer for me a good choice ?

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      January 22, 2018 at 10:58 am

      Hi Emanuel,

      Give her a week, if she still wants to stay separated, start the nc rule

  5. Cyrus

    January 17, 2018 at 3:16 am

    My ex gf and I were together for three months. Things went great for the first couple of months. I kinda noticed she was uncomfortable with certain things, but she didn’t say a thing. A couple of days after the New Year we had an argument and the next day she came over and said she wanted to break up. She said that we were “two fundamentally different people”. Now, I am not an expert, but I am sure she saw something worth of her time that she carried on with the relationship for two months. I made a mistake and insisted that we shouldn’t break up while she was at my place trying to break up. It is embarrassing, but I kinda begged her to stay and hear me out. When she left, I made another mistake and contacted her the next day. She said she didn’t “respect” me anymore because I didn’t let her go when she wanted to. I gave her the NC for 3 days and texted her asking if she would be interested in getting together so we could talk about things. She said she had no interest in meeting me in person and gave me some reasons of why we were not compatible. Let me say that there are so many areas that we are compatible, so I think she is just focused on the bad. We went on a trip a few weeks earlier, where she paid for the hotel so I decided to send her a check for my portion cause that was one of her complaints; why I didn’t offer to pay her right away. After she received the check she texted me telling me she was sorry she treated me the way she did, but she was still very persistent that she didn’t want to get back together. I talked to her on the phone that same night and I could not figure out what we ended up deciding. She heard my reasons and I heard hers. I asked her what she wanted to do; if she wanted me to call her again or text her or she wanted some time to contact me and she said “Just let me be”. The exact words. This is two nights ago and I have not contacted her again since then.

    First, I don’t even know how to interpret that last sentence. Is she asking for space again? Is she completely done? Do I even have to bother with this anymore? I mean I really love her and I want to be with her cause I truly believe we had the potential to be a successful couple. I feel like everything I have done from the moment we broke up has been just one mistake after another. This is the first time I am struggling to read a girl. I know she sounded very determined to break up and I know contacting her would be annoying her even more, but I don’t know what I should do at this point. Your advise is highly appreciated.

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      January 22, 2018 at 6:18 am

      Hi Cyrus,

      It looks like you broke up and she doesn’t want you chasing her..

  6. SimpleJuniper

    January 8, 2018 at 7:38 pm

    I’ve been seeing this girl for a little under 2 years, and she recently broke up with me and said that she needed to work on her depression/ eating habits. She told me that she needed some space and moved back in with her parents from living with me. She said that it wouldn’t be forever and the she plans on getting back together with me. The funny thing is that she works for my dad, and told me that she said the same thing to him. That she had ended things and hoped that we could work things out and that she plans on getting back together with me with some time. She bought herself a promise ring and I asked her why she did. She told me because She wanted people to know what her intentions were. I was obviously devastated by this as I see a very clear and long future with this girl, and reacted by trying to find a middle ground and see if she would be willing to live apart and co tinie the relationship which she disagreed with and said to give her time. We do have a significant age gap which I feel plays a part (I’m 27 and she’s 20.). I found a great job 4 months ago and have had more stability than I’ve ever had and I’m happy with or without her. She only adds to that happiness. I’m hurt but again hopeful that we can work things out. Now here’s where it gets tricky. She has depression and I’ve always tried being supportive and understanding (some days are harder than others) so she speaks with a therapist weekly. She said she would speak with her therapist about my proposition to try to find middle ground and that we would speak that night. The following day she moved her stuff to her parents house and told me that she wanted a school semester(14weeks) to think about things and work on her eating habits and depression, and that we would text on holidays/birthday/valentines day. The part I’m confused about is her birthday is in 7 days and my birthday is in a month. So should I contact her on her birthday? That would be 8 days since we’ve seen each other. I’ve been respectful and encouraged her that I think (and truly do) that this would be beneficial for the both of us to take some time apart which she responded very positively to. So do I text her on her birthday and then go NC for awhile or do I respect her wishes and text her on her birthday, ground hog day/ Valentine’s Day? I know she’s still in love with me but I want to do this right. I know she’s the person that I’d like to spend my life with and she knows that as well. What should I do? I feel as if I should text her on her birthday and then see if she texts back and see if she texts me one birthday which is exactly one month from her birthday. I’ve been taking the pause to focus on some things that I had been putting off and bettering myself. I have taken serious steps in the past months to really move forward and she has seen that and I’m posting the things that I’m doing with my friends on Facebook. I want her to see that I’m fine with and without her. That I want her apart of my life to share our happiness and wholeness. I noticed yesterday that she had left me a message on my whiteboard that is a lyric from a song that said “our loves an uneven remainder, our lives are fractions of a whole.” Any advice would be seriously helpful. I unconditionally love this young woman. Please help.

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      January 15, 2018 at 8:31 pm

      Hi Simple Juniper,

      If you’re in nc, you shouldn’t greet her.. Do you see each other at work?

  7. Dickson

    January 6, 2018 at 9:52 pm

    Hi, my girlfriend met a new group of friends and she’s more excited to meet them compared to me. We talked and she needed space. I gave her the space but we are still texting each other. So yesterday my texts to her were cold and distant (formal). And I reply her only every few hours. I met her at the bar by chance and she said I was giving her too much space. We talked further and I mentioned maybe we should break up and she started crying and said she doesn’t want me out of her life. She doesn’t want to break up but she said she can’t see the future with me and she still wants the space. I’m confused.

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      January 13, 2018 at 1:11 am

      Hi Dickson,

      explain to her what you feel with what she’s doing because it’s either you really give her space or you both it work it out.. if she still says she just needs space then let her initiate messages and keep being indifferent and invest more time in your activities.

  8. Albert

    December 29, 2017 at 1:03 am

    Hello! My gf (now ex) ended things with me 9 days ago. At first i was angry and incredibly upset as i thought things were going well (we were 4 days from a year!) and so she saw that i was upset and said that she thought we should spend some time apart. I went NC with her for 4 days and texted her on the 5th day. We talked a little bit (more calmly) about what happened and why she felt she needed to end things. She suffers from anxiety (is medicated) and we were people that had different tastes. She focused a lot on our differences and she felt that she couldnt handle it anymore and was unsure if she loved me or the memories. She said she just needs/wants space to sort out her feelings. 2 days later i run into her at work (we work in different departments of the same place) and i say hello and she was very shocked to see me say “hey ____” so normally and she got very emotional. I walked away but later came back and small-talked for a little bit. I ended up asking her if we could talk later after we got off work and she said yes. We sat and talked for 3 hours. I confessed to her that during the past 7 days i have been doing a lot of self-analyzing and i realized that i wasnt the man she needed me to be. I didnt show her unconditional love and failed to support all of her choices, whether i agree with them or not. I apologized for lacking understanding and simply not loving her the proper way. I said that i knew that we wouldnt get back together that day, that she needs to process things more, but she seemed very receptive and i am very optimistic. We agreed that we need space (really she asked for the space and i cant deny her of that) but also agreed that if we have a need to contact the other over anything that is a 6+ rating of importance then we should. later that night she texted me about an event that happened and she said that im so understanding and that despite our differences, we understand one another in a completely different level. I have hope that she will come back and give me a chance to prove to her that i can be the man she needs me to be, but being forced to give her space is very difficult as im so used to sharing so much of my day with her. I was planning on contacting her today/tomorrow asking how she was feeling after her even tuesday night, but am unsure. I truly believe that she will come back to me, but at afraid of the possibility that she wont. I was also planning on sending her a new years text on new years filled with reminiscing memories of the past year that we spent together, trying to be romantic and spice up that hopeless romantic that she is. fast forward two weeks after new years, i was planning on leaving her a rose with a card saying “i hope you are doing well, i miss you. lets talk soon?” on her car while she is at work. what should i do?

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      December 31, 2017 at 7:09 pm

      Hi Albert,

      you can try that.. if she still decides to stay on break up after two weeks, do a 30 day nc and treat as a restart.. don’t ask for her back after nc.. slowly rebuild rapport instead.

  9. Lee

    December 13, 2017 at 6:04 pm

    Hi there,

    So my ex girlfriend broke up with me about a month ago, and I implemented a 30 day no contact rule. After the 30 I tried to reach out to her via texting, but she was not very receptive and was annoyed that I was trying to contact her. She was pretty pissed and told me that she is not comfortable or ready to talk to me yet and that if I try to contact her again she’ll block my number and unfollow me on all social media.

    Is it best to implement another 30 day no contact rule at this time?

    Thank you!

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      December 16, 2017 at 4:48 am

      What was the text you sent?

    2. Lee

      December 16, 2017 at 8:06 am

      The text wasn’t anything too long, when my ex and I were dating she used to love showing me all kinds of memes, and I came across one that I thought she would find funny. So I sent her that and asked how she was doing.

    3. EGR Team Member: Amor

      December 21, 2017 at 5:09 pm

      well, first, it means she thinks you’re still trying to get her back.. so, if you’re going to do another nc, your posts have to convey you’re moving on without directly saying in the caption that you’re doing what you’re doing in the post to move on.. In short, just make them casual posts, but be active so you can have a lot of posts and that you look busy.. always do more of posts that don’t disappear after 24 hours..

  10. James

    December 3, 2017 at 3:31 am

    My girlfriend is 4 months out of a 4 year relationship – so I believe a big part of it may be she just isnt ready for a serious relationship.

    We tried to go our own ways but always ended up talking to each other. But alas she told me “You see a future and I dont”.
    She says everything we had was real and genuine. And that she cares about me insanely.

    I kind of broke down and we talked and I continued to bother her because I didnt understand what she was trying to say.

    Needless to say, she says were fine but we should give each other space. We havnt spoken for 2 weeks and im worried sick shes not going to come back.

    It should be noted she is looking at all my social media posts (insta story etc).

    What should I do? How do I create the best chance to get her back? Do you think shell reach out eventually?

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      December 7, 2017 at 8:10 pm

      Hi James.

      when did you break up?

    2. James Bayliss

      December 8, 2017 at 10:31 pm

      Well things have changed – she started to reach out. And when I asked to hang out she said she wasnt sure.

      Ultimately she said she needs mroe time and space as the whole situation has made her resentful and frustrated.

      The breakup was about 3 weeks go.

    3. EGR Team Member: Amor

      December 15, 2017 at 7:01 pm

      that means you need to restart nc and to stick to it.

  11. Jaz

    September 8, 2017 at 8:36 pm

    Hi Friends!!! I’m new to the family…happy to be here!!! Im hopin to get some help/advice about the woman I love with all my heart & soul!!!
    My BP GF & I have been together off & on for 2 years. It’s been the most toxic & fulfilling relationship I’ve ever been in. We both love each other tremendously!!! That said…last Friday night I went through her phone…found nudes & txt between her & past lovers…got extremely frustrated & jealous…yelled at her about it…said a lot of regretful things. This is 3 days after she meets my father…the same night comin from a football game she attended me & with my kids. I apologized sincerely and genuinely the following day. She said she understands…but feels violated and hurt needs space. This isn’t the first time I’ve hurt her. We split for eight months…reconnected three months ago. We last talked on Monday…Labor Day. She again expressed bein hurt…wants space. I txt her Tuesday morning & evening…txt her on Wednesday afternoon & called her…no response or answer to either. No contact yesterday or today. How long before I contact her?! Should I?! It’s only been a few days since I saw her…but I feel sick. I’m guilty & know I’m wrong…I just wanna right my wrong & have her back in my life!!!! Help me…please.

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      September 12, 2017 at 7:27 pm

      Hi Jaz,

      Give her a week to cool down

  12. Sam

    August 13, 2017 at 8:17 am

    I did the NC rule for, 40days , then texted her for a week gradually increasing the number of messages, making them exciting and all that jazz, she seemed hot and cold, but yesterday she told me it was weird and that she was afraid of needing someone as much as she needed me and that she needs to sort herself out, “I don’t exactly want to stay friends but we can talk occassionally” she also said she didn’t know what she felt. So I said I understand how you feel, don’t do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable and parted ways. How do I proceed now? Is it done for?

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      August 13, 2017 at 8:21 pm

      be true to your word.. focus more in your activities..

    2. AJP

      August 25, 2017 at 12:28 am

      Hi guys
      I ended a nine year relationship seven months ago with a girl (GF1) and commenced a new relationship with a new girl who I had known for a couple of years (GF2). The relationship with GF2 was on and off a little and difficult because I was feeling a lot of guilt and sadness about the break up with GF1. I ended things with GF2 about six weeks ago because (at the time) I thought that I should give the relationship with GF1 another attempt. My guilt was a big factor in why things with GF2 didn’t work smoothly but GF2 and I otherwise (in my view) were really good together. About one month ago though I realised tat I did not want to go back to GF1 and that GF2 is where I want to be. However, GF1 is pregnant to me though and GF2 knows this and is understandably very upset. I explained my feelings to GF2 a week ago and she has said that she has a lot to process (i.e. needs space). I said that I understood and that I would answer any questions she had if she wished to ask them. The other day I took some flowers and a card to GF2’s house when she was at work and left them there. Yesterday she sent me a text to thank me for the flowers and responded saying ‘that’s ok’. I want to fulfil all of my responsibilities as a father as best I can but I just am not in love with GF1. I really want GF2 back and realise there is a lot to sort through if we are to be together. I am embarking on a self improvement process now which is how I came across your website. I suspect that the no contact rule is the best (only?) course of action for me to take and leave it to GF2 to contact me if she (ever) wants to? Is there anything else I could do?

    3. EGR Team Member: Amor

      August 26, 2017 at 1:07 pm

      Hi AJP,

      yeah, it will take a long time for her to trust you again.. check this one:
      How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back If YOU Cheated On Her

  13. Brendn

    June 29, 2017 at 8:13 am

    hey team
    um so yesterday morning me and my girlfriend we go to bording school together but first thing in the morning we were really good i gave her a hug good morning and we had a good breakfast together after breakfast was over we walked outside and one of the teachers told us off for me having my arm around her i did get a bit angry with that anyways i went up to feed my horse and came back down to sit with her before school she seemed a little dissent but i just thought it was because the teacher told us off as class was starting i walked her over to her friends and and gave her a hug and told her i loved her and then went to class at lunch she looked upset and i asked her whats wrong and she said that she needs to tell me something but it might be better after school so i just said OK im always here for you and went to give her a hug but she sorta pulled back and dident hug me back witch was fine i knew something was up but then i went to hold her hand and she pulled away from that as well that was when i started to worrie (i have really bad anxiety so started to overthink stuff bit) um when class started again i walked her back to her friends and gave her a hug and told her i loved her and to have a good rest of her day she just trued around and walked away without saying anything OK now i was really starting to get worried and the second part of the day was mainly trying not to have an anxiety attack, when school finished school we got changed and went outside to talk she was looking really upset and dident really say much so i was just trying to make conversations and asking how her day was, she looked at me and started to tear up so i went in to give her a hug and tell her everything was going to be OK but then she sorta turned away at this point i was about to have an anxiety attack and i was so scared so i told her i had to go feed my horse and that i would be back in about 30 mins and she nodded and said OK i told her i lobed her one more time and kissed her forehead and went to equine i was so scared to come back down i dident know what was wrong and then i sorta relised that she was going to break up with me, when i got back to school i texted her saying i was back and asked if she wanted to come out to spend some time together she disent answer so i just waited until dinner when she was late up to dinner and her best friend came up to me to ask if i was OK i got pretty concerned about her and texted her are you going to come up for dinner or are you not hungry? again i got no answer, as we were let in i stayed behind and waited until i could and i saw her walk in and she said she just needs to go tie up her hair in the toilet so her best friend and i went in and sat down at a table and i really stared to feel panicked but then she came in and looked at her friend and she got up and spoke to her and they moved tables away from me so i was sitting alone i couldn’t handle it anymore so i got up and asked a teacher if i could just go back to my room because i wasent feeling well and i quickly walked out of the dining room and cheeked my phone where there was a break up text from her that i missed and start away clapped on to the grass not to far away and started to have a full blown anxiety attack after about 15 minis of not being able to move or breath i tryed to stand up but still couldn’t but dinner had finished and a teacher was the first one out and helped me to the office and later the ambulance took me to hospital and i wasent discharged until about 1 in the morning but i still texted her she texted back state and after a few texts she wanted me to call her so i did and she was so upset so i tryed to calm her down once she was OK to talk she tryed to explain but she was too upset so i just said maybe we should talk again in the morning she said that would prob be a better idea and then she told me she loved me and i said it back and said goodnight and told her to call me if she needed anything and if she felt like talking to text me in the morning, so it is no the day after and she dident text me until 9:45 witch is smoko and so i called her and she said she couldn’t be in a relationship right now and she dident want to take a break just to break up i tryed to hold myself together and be OK with it for her and then she had to go back to class and she promised she would call me at lunch time its now 1:28 and still nothing we had been together for 2 mounts and i am her first boyfriend she is my 3rd i thought i loved the outer two before her but man i was so wrong i really cant lose her she means so much to me can you please help me i feel like shit i dont even know what i did or anything but i did ask her if she though that there would be any chance of us being together later on and she said maybe, i still love her so much and i am pretty sure she still loves me i just dont know what to do we had plans for what to do after school and the holidays start tomorrow the hole no contact thing would be very hard to do at the boding school as there is only 150 of us there and i really dont want to do that i dont want to risk losing her we are also both 17 and i am acully really scard im going to lose her could you if you can please help or have you known of anyone who might be able to help please let me know. i am willing to do anything or change or anything to get her back as long as it works thanks for reading sorry its so long but it is very much apreasuated for your time and effort.

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      July 6, 2017 at 5:52 pm

      hi Brendan,
      I hope you and her are fine now,,

  14. TRD

    June 10, 2017 at 7:15 am

    i have been in this i need space situation alot and tried many strategies from passive all the way through to aggressive, and i have found alot of the time “i need space” to be nothing more then i want to sleep with somone else and string you along to make sure it works. this time i think im in this situation because i met a girl that got out of a 5 yr relationship and was only single 8 month and has a child, she has said she wants space and wants to be single, but she doesnt want to lose me an regret it, i think iv tried alil harder with her knowing she myt have some issues with introducing a new man into her life and her sons, but mostly i dont know if shes in a too soon stage and if i even have a shot, unfortunatly due too me tryna be caring and understanding i actually got too close to her and think that this is gona hurt me and not even effect her. the first half of our relationship was bliss the second half was more and more i need space. thoughts?

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      June 25, 2017 at 3:05 pm

      Are you in the no contact period now?

  15. Yih

    May 22, 2017 at 3:56 am

    I am currently having this issue. Me and my girlfriend were very deeply in love with each other. We had plans for our future. Travelled to United States together, visited Disney World together (just last year September), and many more. We have been together for 6 years now. However, many times I yelled at her, and talked to her with bad attitude, and hurts her a lot. She kept it to herself only. We were having long distance relationship ever since we got started. And she is very tired of LDR. So this LDR, together with the issue of me talking in bad attitude with her, has made her grows cold towards me. This year February valentine’s day we were still deeply in love with each other, after she returns back to her university, and we have not been seeing each other till now. That’s why she told me she grows cold towards the relationship, but still love me. I suggested that I want to fly to her place to meet her and she said she doesn’t want to, she needs space. So we maintained our relationship but I can’t stand the coldness. So just few days back we had things trash out. I am sure there is no third party involvement as we were being very honest that night when we talked on the phone. She said she is not sure anymore and need some time to sort out her feelings. And suggested that we take a break. And I agreed with her because I respected her request of needing a space. We agreed to take a break for 2 weeks. During the break we will not text or call each other. If we want to we still can, but not obligated to do so. And I asked her, when the 2 weeks break is over, which one of it is the outcome? 1) It will be the point to decide whether we are still a couple or not, or 2) we will still be maintaining as couple? She said 1. She will be coming back from her university in one month time, and we also agreed that regardless of the outcome of the 2 weeks break is, we will still be meeting each other because I said one of the factor of the coldness is due to LDR. So when she comes back for 3 months, there will be no distance issue. So we will meet up when she comes back to see if there’s a chance for us to get back to where we once were. And I’ve promised her that when she comes back to me, I will fly to meet her fortnightly when she go back to university. Also I’ve promised her that I will change to be a better man. I need advice.

    1. Can I contact her after a week of break just to say hello and ask how’s she doing? I will not go further than that.
    2. Does she still loves me? Will she be saying yes after the 2 weeks break? Please help me to analyse.

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      May 22, 2017 at 5:08 pm

      nope, stick to your break and use it to improve yourself and being active in posting.. she probably still loves you.. feelings dont go away that easily

    2. Yih

      May 22, 2017 at 11:16 pm

      Thanks Amor. By active posting you mean to post my lifestyle on social media such as Facebook?

    3. EGR Team Member: Amor

      May 30, 2017 at 9:06 pm

      yep! post your activites

    4. Yih

      June 5, 2017 at 8:35 am

      Hi Amor, so the 2 weeks break is over and she told me that it is best for us to be just friend, and she told me that she did think and brainstorm in the 2 weeks break but she didn’t have any realization. So that’s why she suggested the break up. But she told me we still can meet up when she comes back from university as what we agreed on before the 2 weeks break. She told me right now she is closed to all relationships. So now that the 2 weeks break is over, i just texted her few times in a day and called her at most twice a day just to show that i still love and care for her. As she will be coming back from university in another 2 weeks time, and we can meet up too, so i think is ok for me to text her and call her at this point of time without being a GNAT. And by the way, i did actively posted on Facebook and groomed myself during the 2 weeks break.

      I don’t understand Amor. After all that we have been through together and all the lovely memories we had together, there’s completely no love at all deep in her heart? What should i do now? Should i go into the NC? But we have just ended the 2 weeks break (which you mentioned in my other comment that it isn’t really a NC because she knows it). Should i just keep up with the minimal of text and calls until she comes back then we can meet each other? I read from other blog post on this website that after 21 days after a breakup it will form a new habit. So which means 21 days after the breakup she will not miss me as much as within the 21 days after the breakup. So if i were to go in to another NC after the 2 weeks break, that will add up to 35 days!

      Please advice me Amor, what should i do now? And when she comes back from university and i will go and meet her, what should i say and do?

    5. EGR Team Member: Amor

      June 16, 2017 at 2:36 pm

      you should start the nc of at least 30 days.. make her miss you by looking like you accepted her decision and you’re now moving on

  16. David

    March 14, 2017 at 6:46 am

    Hello, I’m currently going through a break up. My gf dumped me without any previous signs of wanting to. She’s friends with a very possessive friend, and pretty much, she is being poisoned with thoughts of freedom and what not. She told me she didn’t want me to try to save the relationship, that she was tired of saving our relationship, and she said she had made her mind despite having feelings for me. Everything that came out of her words was negative, and she was just blocked. Now, when we said goodbye, she hugged me very very hard, to a point where I let her go and she didn’t. She has been seen in different parties and whatnot and they’ve told me that she looks very depressed and leaves the parties early.
    I started sending her messages and she doesn’t reply, but she reads them, but I am afraid that if I stop she will assume I’m no longer interested (because that was one of her problems, that I didn’t text her that much), but I don’t want to overwhelm her.
    What should I do? I’m sure she still loves me as much as I do.
    Thank you

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      March 27, 2017 at 10:48 am

      Hi David,

      she’s not responding..it would be better to do no contact,.imorove yourself and be activen in posting than keep on chasing her

  17. Mr v

    March 8, 2017 at 8:15 am

    Both me and my ex are college student from different city.

    So my ex gf and i have been having long distance relationship for 1 year. During 9 month of our relationship, she was very happy she often told me how gratefull she was for having me, her parent also knew that we’r having relationship, and she told me that she told her mother how proud she was for having a boyfriend like me. A boyfriend that support her study and her personal life.

    But everything goin downhill after 10th month. After she become bussy and rarely contacting me, she says that im too nice to her. She said that she feels guilty for not loving me as much as i love her. I tried to reasure her by saying “but you do happy being with me right?” she said yes, then i said “do you want me to be happy with you?” she said “of course i want you to be happy”. Then she refused to talk about it again, she says she will explain it during semester break. Where we could talk face to face

    Then during semester break, she try to get me mad at her, by not contacting me during my birthday. She says she is bored by the situation. After i ask her why did she bored. She says she will explain it in the next day, the day we finally talk face to face. But unfortunately im still moody, and when she try to talk to me she is mad because i look unfocused. After that she want me to think about what she said for a week. But the stubborn me at that moment cant handle silent treatment and wait until a week, because i had so many work to do and it keeping me unfocused. So i tried to talk to her to see what wrong and end up to situasion where she ask me space for 1 semester. But i cant give her that much time, and ask her to talk face to face before she conclude we should stay away for 1 semester. After we talk face to face, she conclude that she want 2 month break.

    I tried to give her the space that she want. But after 1 month and i have so much problem, i cant handle nc so i say hi to her asking how her day. I receive bad response, but let it slide and end the conversation. Not long after that she says she is guilty for being bad person. I said she isnt a bad person so dont be guilty. Then she suddenly says that my feeling toward her is hurting her, she said that she consider me as important person on her life but no matter how hard she try she cant love me. But she know that my love toward her is continue to grow. She feels bad for it and ask for break up.

    She was my first girlfriend and i already love her long before we are dating. Is our relationship can be saved? Or should just move on

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      March 19, 2017 at 12:21 pm

      Hi Mr v,

      try the advice above first.. if it doesn’t work then at least you can move on knowing you did what you can..

    2. Mr v

      March 20, 2017 at 5:59 am

      How long should i go NC?

    3. EGR Team Member: Amor

      March 27, 2017 at 3:45 pm

      do 30-45 days..

  18. will

    March 7, 2017 at 5:58 pm

    My ex girlfriend and I broke up mainly because i was clingy. We slowly got back together, and then I asked one day if everything was ok between us after she was acting slightly distant and this upset her bc she feels like I havent changed and Im going to be clingy again. Right now were not talking what should i do ?

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      March 19, 2017 at 12:12 pm

      Hi Will,

      do you want to try the advice above?

    2. Mr v

      March 20, 2017 at 5:58 am

      How long should i go NC?

  19. Mike

    March 3, 2017 at 4:58 am

    My girl broke up with me last week. It was because I was insecure and always asking for reassurance. She said I pressured her with the relationship and need some space. We did this for three weeks before she broke up with me. Big shocker I didn’t give her space. I told her I love her in desperation to keep her but pushed her even more towards the break up. She said she was staying emotionally reserved for this relationship which I respect now. She told me we can still be friends and that she really cares about me and I asked if we could ever get back together she said I don’t know. So we broke up and pestered her a little bit till yesterday I became a gnat. I was pushy to get face to face to show my improvements but that went south real quick. She told me at the end of all the texts she said at this point I would like for you to leave me alone. So now I started no contact today. Here is my issue. I leave the country in 4 months and I will never see her again. We are both in the army. I’m trying to get her back before I leave. I was thinking of a 18-21 day no contact. I want to try to get her back before June so in May for us to make it through this seperation. Before I became a gnat the break up wasn’t that bad. No telling or anything. She is an independent woman that needs space I’ve finally realized this. What should I do I need help should I do nc a little longer or what. I can’t afford 45 days though. Help me out please.

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      March 3, 2017 at 11:51 pm

      Hi Mike,

      if she broke up with you because you’re clingy, then don’t chase and don’t rush things. You can go for 21 days. Make the most of it and continue improving yourself after nc while slowly rebuilding rapport with her.

    2. Mike

      March 4, 2017 at 7:34 am

      So my buddy yesterday said she said in the morning the day after I flip she said she needs two months. Do you think that was a raw emotion cause it was only one day? I was thinking giving her a letter next week explaining what I realized and how I feel. Not a love letter or a begging letter but a letter to explain. Sister read it said it didn’t sound desperate or needy just hopeful and confident. She said go for it. That will be day 9 on the no contact. It’s her birthday and I already got a gift. I was going to drop the letter off with the gift by the door and dip. Thoughts on this?

    3. EGR Team Member: Amor

      March 4, 2017 at 9:05 pm

      Nope.. Stick to no contact.. be more active in improving yourself. The goal is to make her feel regret, not annoyed because you kept trying when she doesn’t want that. Remember you were clingy in her perspective.

  20. Shane

    February 16, 2017 at 8:11 am

    So me and my girlfriend of 4 years broke up last year, she found out that my ex had emailed me 3 years prior in which I did not tell her because I didn’t want to fight and I had told my ex to just leave me alone and it ended there. She found it grounds to not trust me anymore and we broke up with her saying she needs space. Unfortunately this crushed me and I sort of became that emotional wreck trying to apologize right away and express how much I love her even after telling me she didnt want me to contact her. Although she denies it I feel she is attracted to one of her “friends” that she met a few months prior to the breakup and they hang out regularly and he has obvious feelings for her. During one of the last convo’s between me and my now ex girlfriend she said that she can’t just “turn off her love for me like a light switch” and that she will contact me if and when she is ready. She has shown some minor signs of interest in him on social media which hurts but I am so far a few days into the No contact phase. I really love her and want nothing more than another chance with her. Any advice or input on this would be greatly appreciated.

    1. Shane

      February 16, 2017 at 8:13 am

      sorry first sentence should say broke up last *week* not last year

    2. EGR Team Member: Amor

      February 17, 2017 at 12:15 am

      Hi Shane,

      I think you need to approach it like she dumped you for him.. although not yet techinically, but it’s about to go there if she does choose him.. so, check this:
      My Ex Girlfriend Dumped Me For Another Guy…

    3. Shane

      February 17, 2017 at 1:20 am

      Thank you, I have the article a read. I should also mention in our last conversation before no contact started I confronted her on and ask her for the truth of whether or not the break up was for this new guy and she assured me it wasn’t and that they weren’t seeing each other like that yet. Does this make a difference? She hasnt really liked to me before in all 4 years together

    4. Shane

      February 17, 2017 at 1:24 am

      Lied to me* in 4 years

    5. EGR Team Member: Amor

      February 17, 2017 at 10:18 pm

      hmm.. that just means she didn’t cheat on you.. but it would still be better to follow the advice on the link above because that would help you be in your A game, to be better than your previous self, and hopefully a better option for her..

  21. Dustin

    February 9, 2017 at 5:02 pm

    Me and my girlfriend dated for 3 years. We ended things in December, we still gave each other our Christmas presents. We’ve been talking a decent amount, she wants space but that thought fades in and out. One day she will text me all lovey and the next, she will completely ignore me. We’ve hooked up a couple times and spent some days hanging out, going out for food and watching movies. Its hard for both of us to let go. She says we cant workout if we dated because she needs time to herself. She gets reminded about rough patches in our relationship. Im scared space will hurt the chances of us working out again. We’ve talked about maybe trying again in the summer, but no one can predict what state we will be in, and if she is ready or not. I’m trying my hardest to not message her as much or ask her to hangout as much. Other guys tend to message her a lot, which bugs the shit outta me. Im still so attached and I know i want to spend the rest of my life with her. By the way, We’ve established not to do the “No Contact rule”. We tried it and it didn’t work out, felt unhealthy.

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      February 9, 2017 at 10:35 pm

      Hi Dustin,

      why did you break up? And what did you mean that you both tried it? Did you talk about it? Meaning she knew that you are doing the no contact rule?

  22. Jake

    February 7, 2017 at 7:34 pm

    I was with my ex for 2.5 years, up until early December. Since April things have been rough and we were on-and-off several times.

    December 9th came and we stopped seeing one another. We met up a couple of days prior to Christmas to exchange gifts and both cried and hugged. I left her apartment and both of us were in shambles. I wrote her a letter and she said she was confused and conflicted, needed time but she still loved me.

    She requested time and space, over and over. I kept breaking her request. I went to a counselor (it was something we talked about doing together but never did) and wrote her a short letter letting her know. She again stated she needed time and space and that she’s angry.

    Our mutual friends say that she still doesn’t like talking about me because it hurts her. She’ll avoid any conversation that might have to do with me or anything that can relate to me.

    It’s now been 26 days of no contact. I don’t know what to do. She said that she’ll reach out “when and if” she’s ready. I don’t think she’ll ever reach out first…I think she’s trying to completely move on.

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      February 8, 2017 at 1:20 am

      Hi Jake,

      you can initiate after nc but how much did you improve?

  23. James

    February 4, 2017 at 5:34 am

    Ok so I was dating this girl for awhile. She initiated contact with me on FB saying she liked me for like 2 years. I use to go into the cafe she worked at alot. She told me at the start that she is scared of getting hurt and shes built a wall. Alot of which is due to things her dad has said and done when she was young which caused her to be like this. She has also seen her mum get hurt. Everything was amazing for afew months, she was very keen. But then she stayed the night (Didn’t have sex) and she was abit distant on FB message after that. We went on a second date which was awesome. Then after that I asked her out again and she said she needed a break that maybe we can hang out in afew months. I didn;t inundate her with messages but in that period I messaged her 4 or so big messages (I regret)> In which I told her many times that if what she really wanted to do was break it off that it was ok and im fine with it, but she still insisted on a break. It was clear to me that the wall was activated unfortunately I wasn’t patient with her and I sent her one big message at the end asking her to open up and also asking her questions like if she liked me or not. She then responded by not answering any questions but by saying ” I don;t regret anything, its just I have to do whats best for me and right now thats cutting this off, im sorry if I hurt you, I didn’t mean any harm, Good luck with everything! Thanks for being a good listener. Im sorry this didn’t work out. Goodbye (Emoticon) She then deadded me and blocked my messages from going through (But didn;t block me on FB completely so I can see her profile) . After that afew days later I had my mate send her a message. I think she cut me off because of this fear of being hurt and that cutting me out is easier then being hurt. I really do like her and don’t know what to do. Should I do the 30 day no contact and try to contact her again after via email or something? I feel like she needs me to let her know she can trust me .

    1. James

      February 4, 2017 at 5:39 am

      Do you think she will come back on her own? How do Guarded girls operate? Also if I do message her again (Email). What should I say to her? Thanks!

    2. EGR Team Member: Amor

      February 4, 2017 at 2:24 pm

      Hi James,

      tell her that first, if she still doesn’t want to try then proceed to nc and be active in improving yourself.. after that I think you should use fb.
      check this:
      3 Secret Texts That Your Ex Girlfriend Cant Resist (Video)

  24. Gabriel

    January 29, 2017 at 3:14 pm

    Hi im gonna go straight to the point, i completed no contact rule for 30 days and after that i started talking to my ex. We texted for a week and she was initiating almost all the time. Then she told me about a guy she saw and i got jealous and she saw it. I questioned her about it and she got upset… We also talked about the breakup on the next day and she got upset again… Then later that day she called me crying saying its not a good idea for us to be seeing eachothers and she told me she wanted to move on… I havn’t contacted her since, its been a week now and she just unfriended me on snapchat and i didn’t send anything not even a “my story”, but i did check her 2 “my story” snap that she posted over the week. Did i screwed up my chances of getting her back?

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      January 29, 2017 at 3:19 pm

      Hi Gabriel,

      try a mini nc of two weeks..start the count after this..

    2. Gabriel

      January 29, 2017 at 5:31 pm

      Okay so for the next 2 weeks from now, I go into no contact!
      Thank you I didn’t know what to do anymore!

    3. EGR Team Member: Amor

      January 30, 2017 at 3:43 pm

      you’re welcome!

    4. Gabriel

      January 30, 2017 at 11:22 pm

      She unfriended me on Facebook today without me doing anything, i only changed my profil picture last night, i didnt talk to her or liked anything about her… Why would she do that now after a week even with me ignoring her?

    5. EGR Team Member: Amor

      January 31, 2017 at 5:11 pm

      take that as a good sign..that can mean she cant bear to see your improvements because it hurts her

    6. Gabriel

      February 14, 2017 at 5:28 am

      Hi! So i successfully completed the mini 2 weeks NC and reached out to her by text, telling her a funny story that have happened to me last week that i was sure she would like to know about and i ended the text saying it made me think about her and i hope she’s doing well. Thing is i got no answer… If i contact her again too soon im afraid to appear needy… What can i do?

    7. EGR Team Member: Amor

      February 15, 2017 at 4:50 pm

      one week or two before trying again.. but that would be the last.. if she still doesn’t respond, move on.

    8. Gabriel

      February 16, 2017 at 6:20 pm

      Okay, yea i think you’re right i dont see a lot of hope there… I dont understand why she would not respond to me, it’s been 2 months and a half since the breakup and i though we settled things during the last week we were talking, it’s frustrating to be ignored!

    9. EGR Team Member: Amor

      February 17, 2017 at 1:05 am

      I know… but sometimes, that’s better than being lead on..

    10. Gabriel

      February 19, 2017 at 2:29 am

      You’re right but i dont think im ready to give up, i can’t believe there’s nothing i can do because during that week where we talked, even though i rushed things and screwed up I clearly saw she still had feelings for me… It can’t be all gone in 1 month… I just need to get back on speaking terms with her first and im ready to do everything it takes for that!

    11. EGR Team Member: Amor

      February 23, 2017 at 4:23 pm

      you’re welcome

  25. Jade

    January 10, 2017 at 6:06 am


    My girl and myself had been seeing each other for around 6 months but she always spoke of being independent after her split with her ex, which was a couple of month before we hooked up.
    She finally decided to go away to another state and broke it off with me telling me she still loves me and frequently telling me she misses me. I tried to call her one day and she wouldn’t answer, instead sending a text saying she needs space.
    I started your about value chain immediately and didn’t contact her. she send me a few snapchat messages after about 5 days to which I did not reply. After 8 days she send me a message apologising saying she just needed some space. I didn’t reply for about 38 hours.
    I know you say don’t reply till your no contact time is up but it was a very heart felt messsge and was her first attempt. Anyway we’ve moved from slow texting to phone calls and talk of only good things we have shared.
    We talked of me flying an hour to see her but not sure when I should? Should I do it ASAP? Will I loose momentum if I wait a few weeks? She definitely misses me a lot as I do her and she has been gone around 7 weeks already. Anyway the value chain is working but not sure about the last bit?? Your help is appreciated. ????

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      January 11, 2017 at 2:31 pm

      Hi Jade,

      how long have you been talking?

  26. John

    January 6, 2017 at 7:04 pm

    I gave in on the NC rule at day 14 should I completely start over on 30 days?

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      January 9, 2017 at 9:47 am

      Hi John,

      yep.. you have to restart the count…

  27. Dan

    December 17, 2016 at 8:59 am

    Hi, my gf and I dated for about 3 months. I am 32yo and she is 33 yo. I don’t know if our former relationship was categorized as LDR or not, we live in different states (2 hours flight away) but I always go to her town every weekend so we spent time together at least on Sat and Sun, sometimes on Friday night as well depending on my workload. We were very close and even already talked about marriage plan and building life together in the future. However, I noticed from the first month that she had been having problems and thought from her past that she still cant move on from. Everytime she sees me on the weekend she was extremely happy because I could sort of cheer her up. Nevertheless, her problems did affect our relationship. She was very sensitive over small things. Everytime we fought, she always said sorry the next day she said she was emotionally unstable. There was 1 time she told me she needed space, so I gave her space and only after 3 days I asked her how she was doing, she responded like nothing happened everything was fine. We were happy, then there was one time I made a tiny mistake and she got angry at me. I thought it was going to be fine because we fought over much bigger drama and she always cooled down the next day and said sorry to me. But this time, no she said she needed some space. Ok I gave her space, but again after 3 days I asked her how she was doing, she said she could not handle this anymore she just wanted to be alone right now o figure things out in her life and try to move on by herself (though when we were together I already told he to move on with me and we work things out together). I was like (I did not say it, it was just on my mindU but you were always happy and comfy with me even you said I am addicted to you and can only find happiness with you, why now let me go?! She was not mad at me, she still told me stories about what was happening during her time alone. I did not know NC rule then, I sent her text I said if you need to talk I am here to listen, she replied yes thank you. 5 days later I sent a text how are you hope you are doing ok, I am still worried about you. She replied thanks I am fine hope you are too. 2 days later I sent another funny photos just to cheer her up, she started ignoring me she only responded like 12 hours later. Then I left her alone for like 10 days before I sent her a simple text hi how are you, she did not respond. I got agitated and confused what was happening here, you responded before but why you don’t respond?! so 2 days after that I sent her a very long text saying its been a month and I still love you, I still remember our plan together bla bla, just take your time for now I will wait for you until you are ready. NO RESPONSE. Today it has been 15 days since I texted her. I am confused because I don’t think she was trying to run away from me but why did she not respond. And I am not sure if the NC rule is applicable here like will she miss me? The aggressive texting definitely did not work. But I want her back so badly

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      December 31, 2016 at 4:02 am

      Hi Dan,

      you’re her rebound? She said she wanted to move in independently right? Then that’s probably the reason why she’s avoiding you..

  28. Conner

    November 2, 2016 at 9:40 pm

    I finally found a girl I really like here at college, just at an event Friday night.
    I had my guitar, she plays, so we each played a little and talked for two hours. We really hit it off, and she had to go do some project with friends, but she gave me her number and asked for a hug. She was visibly happy with me. She didn’t want to part.
    We texted a bit and she was very excited to meet me. She happened to dump on me that she didn’t know what she wants, and that she had a bad breakup. It must’ve been her first big time boyfriend. Of course, I later ranted about my feelings that were premature. She then said we could only improve from the bad start. She asked me Saturday early morning if I’d take her to church with me, and I said yes, but that evening she said that she couldn’t because of a paper. We kept talking. Everything seemed fine.
    Then I told her I wished she was there with me, and I texted her a bit and she said that she really needs to focus on her work, so I said it is fine. She also said she thinks she just wants to be freinds and have a relationship that grows day by day. I told her that I am totally in her boat, that I know friendship is key, that all my friends found their happiness with a friend.
    Well, Sunday night came with no texts and I asked if she was kicking that paper’s butt. I then said goodnight, but then made the mistake of telling her that I, like her, would be upfront and honest.
    I told her that I don’t know her yet, or what she needs or thinks of me. I told her that I don’t know how to make her happy or upset her yet, but I am looking for a friendship too. I said that it will take seeing each other, which will be hard because we are both busy, and sharing things in life. I told her that I’m analytical and sometimes a hard-charger. I told her I’d be there for her if I can, and that things shouldn’t be complicated. I also said how it shouldn’t be complicated, but I felt under a microscope. I also told her that I don’t mean to apply any pressure to her.
    That morning I told her I still wanted to meet up as we had loosely planned, but that she shouldn’t feel obligated. I also told her that I didn’t need to go to class and had found the building for her studio class.
    After a short while I realized that I had made a mistake, and told her that I’m sure it comes off as creepy but I simply meant to surprise her. She then said “I don’t want to hurt your feelings but I don’t want to see you, please quit texting me.”
    I told her of course it hurts, because I wanted to be her friend and thought she was cool, and that I thought we were gonna put the bad start behind us and that I was going to make things right. I rambled a bit of encouragement, trying to apology, an explanation, and a decent goodbye. She said that I am creepy, that it isn’t a movie, and she wants me to quit talking to her and trying to meet up with her. Then, eight hours later, I told her I don’t know how she us or what she has been through, but that she can trust me.= and is safe with me, and wished her a Happy Halloween. She hasn’t blocked me from snapchat yet.
    And that was it – Monday night and now it is Wednesday. I am thinking she needs at least a week. But what do I do? The hybrid approach would be to probably wait a week, start snapchatting helping my kid brother with his science fair project, or maybe something related to archery (she has interest in it) and/or music/guitar stuff (our primary bond). Then maybe after another week say something. But what? How do I actually get back into positive conversation?

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      November 4, 2016 at 5:17 pm

      Hi Conner,

      Because you definitely looked like you were pursuing her and not just being friendly.. Try doing the no contact rule, make it seem that you understood what she wanted, you’re moving on and then be active in improving yourself. After 30 days, initiate contact again, don’t ask to be friends, just be friendly.

  29. Paul

    November 2, 2016 at 4:35 pm

    I met a girl at work during the summer, she asked me out in august and we hit it off. We were hanging out about 4 times a week, then when she went back to university she started to be really busy, but we would still see each other like once a week. She lives about 20 mins away so we were texting everyday, most of the time she would start the conversations. After almost 2 months a close family member of hers passed away and things slowly started to change. She wouldnt text me as much, she was less flirty and we started hanging out less. She is in a very tough program at school and also works so she is very busy. When we did hang out it was all good and things mostly seemed normal. Then suddenly a few days ago she wouldnt answer my texts for hours and i found myself starting all the convos. Then yesterday she said she didnt want a relationship right now and that she needs space because she is not in the right state for a relationship. She had brought up maybe taking a break a week ago when we were hanging out but that same night she began texting me about future plans. We had an enormous amount of things in common and i still really care about her. Is there hope for the future or should I move on.

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      November 4, 2016 at 4:22 pm

      Hi Paul,

      she wants to remain friends with you? When was the last time you talked? And what did you talk about? If you remain friends, there’s a possibility you can be friendzoned. Do you want to try the no contact rule?

    2. Paul

      November 4, 2016 at 6:12 pm

      When we talked about taking a break last week she said if worse comes to worse we could just be friends. We havent talked since she broke up with me 3 days ago, I had asked when she was free next and then a while later she replied saying she has no time for a relationship right now and that shes going through a lot, and that it was just unfortunate timing. I told her that I understand and we havent talked since.

  30. Alex

    October 26, 2016 at 4:06 pm

    My ex gf moved to San Francisco in August to go to school. We had been together since Dec. of last year. I live about 8 hrs south of her. She broke up with me in Sept. and I have been wanting to get her back. Since the break up she has told me that no one compares and that she still looks at pictures of us. I have made the mistake of begging and not giving her the space she has been asking for. She blocked me on her phone but we messaged on Facebook recently where she told me that she is seeing someone and that she likes the guy she is seeing. I just want to know how I can keep her interested when I use the NC rule. We don’t share social media connections (I made facebook just to message her. But she is friends with my best friends girlfriend on facebook). I don’t want to lose her but I really want to talk to her. What should I do?

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      October 31, 2016 at 9:07 am

      Hi Alex

      be active in social media because there is still a big chance that he will check that and if you’re friends, she’ll see those posts

  31. Ri

    October 14, 2016 at 6:54 am

    Hey I’ve read all your tips top to bottom. My gf broke up with me one month ago and since then I’ve been back and forth giving her space and talking it out with her at first went great we even kissed but the more time passed the colder she turned and now she’s saying she is happier alone and does not see her changing her mind in the future. I’ve decided to start the no contact period tonight but one problem. WE HAVE MUTUAL FRIENDS. We have almost identical friend groups that will often be at the same events and bars ect. Should I avoid said events if I know she’ll be there or should I go and keep conversations short and friendly. Thanks.

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      October 15, 2016 at 8:44 am

      Hi Ri,

      avoid as much as you can, if you cant just be civil with her

  32. Robert

    October 6, 2016 at 2:55 am

    Yea im going through something,me and my girlfriend where together for 2 years she did just do 13 months in jail so shes recently getting out a couple months ago. Everything was good but we started to fight a little about small things like, i would complain about her not texting me all day if i diddnt call her first and just little things you should do in a relastionship and everytime it made her mad and irritated her and she diddnt really care so we never really resolved anything. So recently she had me thinking she was not going out with her friends saying she probably won’t and she’s tired. I did not care I wanted her to go out and get dropped off at my house. So that night she ended up going out but did not text me or anything not one time or got dropped off at my house and that made me upset. Was i wrong for that? So she got mad at me when i confronted her again and now shes saying she needs time alone. Says she still loves me and wants to be with no one else but I don’t know if that is true or if thats just trying to let me down easy. Said she doesn’t have time with everything she has going on (work, her daughter, her mom buggin out,probation,etc) right now to deal with my issues and my feelings and being upset all day. Then she admitted to having a hard time caring about stuff and that she’s not ready to fully commit in a full blown relationship or ready for the things that come with a relationship. She just wants to focus on her and her daughter.So its weird cuz what have we been doing then ya know? I keep asking her are we done or are we still together and she can’t answer it and just says I don’t know I just need time. So if anyone could give any advice do you think we are done for good or she legitly just needs time and I should just leave her alone and not text or call her for a while until she decides to contact me??

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      October 15, 2016 at 7:33 am

      Hi Robert,

      do no contact instead..be very active in improving yourself and then initiate contacf after nc

  33. Thomas

    October 6, 2016 at 2:03 am

    I met a great woman who is a single mom. We had some great dates for over a month, and then she had a family emergency and had to tend to that. I got a little pushy on making plans for the canceled ones. She gave a text that said something like: “The last week has been crazy. I need to back off. I don’t the energy to be in a dating relationship with anyone. I feel bad when we can’t hang out more or when I cannot text or call more.” Then I respond that let’s let things settle down and if we have the same goal of figuring out our potential, we can communicate better to see what that looks like. She wrote: “Sounds good. You are very understanding. Thank You. I wrote that I needed two weeks to kinda figure out what I want. She didn’t respond back. It has been a week. What are your constructive thoughts besides how I messed up :)?

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      October 15, 2016 at 7:31 am

      Extend to a month.. and dont mention it to her.. and then be very active in improving yourself

  34. Tim

    October 6, 2016 at 1:51 am

    I met a great woman who is a single mom. We had some great dates for over a month, and then she had a family emergency and had to tend to that. I got a little pushy on making plans for the canceled ones. She gave a text that said something like: “The last week has been crazy. I need to back off. I don’t the energy to be in a dating relationship with anyone. I feel bad when we can’t hang out more or when I cannot text or call more.” Then I respond that let’s let things settle down and if we have the same goal of figuring out our potential, we can communicate better to see what that looks like. She wrote: “Sounds good. You are very understanding. Thank You. I wrote that I needed two weeks to kinda figure out what I want. She didn’t respond back. It has been a week. What are your constructive thoughts?

  35. david saint

    September 28, 2016 at 10:11 pm

    ive been dating a girl, i knew a long time ago and was really close to, for the past 4 months. We were very good friends, and after years of losing touch finally reconnected. We talked for a week and went out, and it just happened. We were together pretty much every day from then on, save for maybe a week. So it matriculated pretty quickly, maybe too quickly. She has some issues from past relationships, as well as anxiety and ptsd, which i have been very supportive of but she usually doesnt allow people to see it to begin with. There were times she wanted me to leave so she could deal with them, so i would offer to and then she would tell me to stay. Others she would just wake up and go off about how she needs space, i would leave, and she would text me later saying she was sorry and then we would hang out again in a few days. This pattern started repeating itself every few weeks. So we went on a vacation together a month ago and things started great, but turned into arguments when she had anxiety attacks a couple of times. After we got back things went from great, to arguments and she needs space, to a few days later calling me wanting to hang out and things being fine again. However, last week she said she needed space and that she has too much going on in her head (those issues i mentioned earlier) and is afraid she is going to hurt me.. I should admit at this point, i started acting timid around her and very passive because i was afraid of what was going to happen. She asked me to walk the dog for her while she was at work during this time, and i took that as an opportunity to leave her flowers, notes, etc. I think it just pushed her away. She called me over for help on sat night though, because she couldnt sleep and wanted me there. So i went and sat with her until she fell asleep and left in the morning. after crediting me with helping her fall asleep because i was there (comfort maybe?) She called me over the next night, and things seemed fine. All the sudden she just said im not feeling this right now, this was a mistake to have you over, etc. and when we discussed me taking my stuff the next day, she put it off saying she didnt want to deal with it right now..so i took that as she isnt sure what she wants to do. part of her wants to break up, and part of her doesnt. She even said im amazing, treat her great, etc, and she knows she is making a mistake by pushing me away (her exact words).

    i know she still cares because she texts me asking if im okay and that shes sorry shes hurting me, she feels terrible, but that she has to get things under control cause she feels like shes losing it. what do i do? i want to be supportive of her, but at the same time give her space. i love this girl with all my heart, and always will even if we dont get back together, but i want her to know im there if she needs me again because she doesnt have a big circle of people as a support system right now. i can put my feelings aside in this situation because i know she needs someone to be there for her as a friend..but i dont want to put myself in the friend zone and not have a chance with her again. i also have to get my stuff (computer, music keyboard, important stuff not just clothes)…what should i do? thanks

  36. Chelse

    September 21, 2016 at 3:56 pm

    Hey Chris,
    So my girlfriend and I broke up almost a week ago. I can’t stop thinking about her. I stopped talking to her for about a day but then I couldn’t help it. I begged her to talk to me in person. She says she needs to stand her ground and figure out what she wants and needs space. She blocked me yesterday because she said I was being crazy (even though I only sent a few messages) now I’m afraid I’ve messed things up permanently. I can’t get what happened off of my mind and just want her to talk to me again. Do you think it’s possible she will?

  37. jordan

    September 19, 2016 at 8:27 am

    Me and my now ex-girlfriend had a big argument last weekend. We don’t normally argue like that but unfortunately we have done on this occassion. At first she told me she didn’t want to be with me right now. Her dad recently passed away while we were dating and she’s heading back to university and so she’s enduring a pretty stressful time at the minute. She got back in touch and said that while she cares about me she’s in a difficult position at the minute and she can’t deal with the stress a boyfriend brings right now. However, she still texts me every day, she asked to see me lsat Friday and everything was pretty much exactly as it always was but without a kiss. I’ve started no contact yesterday because for the past week I’ve been saying some pretty stupid stuff in an attempt to win her back and I feel like I could push her further away. Anyway, she text me last night on day 1 of NC and said “so you’re just going to ignore me then today?” what do i do?
    She also told me she just needs a bit of time and for me to be there supporting her like I’ve always done so well, and when she’s ready we’ll start dating again. I’m just so confused by the whole situation and it’s really getting me down. She’s going to the doctors with an issue today and I don’t know whether to text saying good lukc etc.
    A few words of advice would be greatly appreciated.
    Kind regards,

  38. Jay

    September 15, 2016 at 5:53 pm

    PART 3
    so i went unto facebook and sent her message she said to me ”why would u block me then try talk to me again like where cool” i told her i hadn’t blocked her but just deactivated my account but that i was worried about her….we talked for abit but she kept on being difficult like giving obscure answers for my questions….she asked me: ”after everything we’ve said to each other do you think we can get back together” i told her my heart is still attached to her and i still want her, but she just said its best if stay away from each other…she then bid me good luck and so did i….a day later she messages me telling me she’s going to block or delete me, i told her do whatever she wants cause i dont care….she then tried to be a lovely by saying ”you need to understand you will fall in love again and good luck” i told her dont tell me the cause it will make me ‘sad’ she put a laughing emoji and told me goodbye…i didn’t respond, she then deleted me, but then re-added me straight after (which was was so odd to me) i never accepted the friend request until a day later lool…..in the end i deactivated my account, because the pain of everything was hurting me, i tried my best to get her off my mind….i made another fb account but with no friends and pictures, i only made a new account so i could manage my artist page for my music which i had acquired alot of likes for…..but few days into having this new fb account i then received a friend request from her….i found this very odd, but i never accepted the request for about 3 weeks….between now and then my mind has been racing, i’m hurting from this situation i really miss her and love her but hate her at the same time….when i lay in bed i feel like she’s having fun with this new fella and he’s already got her heart, sometimes i feel likes its karma for how distant i was with her at the start of the relationship, how could she be so selfish and not speak to me about her feelings ? 🙁 but then i think to myself is there any point of us getting back together after all this shit ? i’m so confused and don’t know what to do…somedays she’s on my mind and i can forget about her, some other days she’s on my mind non stop and it ruins my mood….i lost my job so i haven’t been occupied with anything so its hard for her to disappear out of my head completely….i went 19 days without no contact i wasn’t really practicing the no contact rule cause i had no plan of winning her back, but i accepted the friend request on my fb which i regret now i only did this so i could send her message wishing her a happy ‘eid’ she responded straight away with a blushing emoji and ‘thanks’…..that was on monday of this week, i really don’t know what to do, like i said i love her and miss her very much, but i don’t know if i should pursue her….cause i feel my pride/ego has been tested enough already, if you have any advice i would honestly apprecaite it.
    – thank you Jay

  39. Jay

    September 15, 2016 at 5:07 pm

    PART 2
    but at this i felt like she was losing interest in me completely…..i’d ask my friends for advice and they would tell me to give her space if she’s busy….but one situation which i felt is the catalyst to all of this was when i was in my friends car and he parked to go visit his gf very quickly…i was in the backseat and my other friend was in the passenger, i was on the phone with my gf when a female came outside the car and started asking my friend in the front seat how long where going to be parked here for….my girlfriend heard the female voice and started going off on me, i told her i wasn’t with a girl and it was just some random women asking us something….she cut off the call !!! i rang her back but she wouldn’t pick up, i sent her several texts and continuous effort she picked up the phone when i rang her, i explained that i was not with a girl and she said it was ok.
    Next night i’m out again and where talking on the phone she asks me ”what are u doing out this late” it was around 1 or 2am i said i was going somewhere with my friend, she got pissed and said i was going to ”fuck girls” i laughed and she said ”she’s sorry someone just pissed her off” i asked who did and she wouldn’t tell me, i kept on asking…cause i really wanted to make her feel better she then said ”your so annoying always want to know stuff you don’t need to know” then she cut the call off….at this i was very hurt, i sent her a txt straight after, telling her she can talk to me and doesn’t need to push me away…..after hanging with my friend i rang her again, she wouldn’t speak to me and said she call me later on….which i knew was a lie…she cut the call off again, now i was really hurt i asked several of my friends for advice, they all pretty much gave me conflicting advice…one of my good friends told me to avoid her calls and when she see’s i’m not chasing after her will drive her crazy…me being the clown i am i listened to this moron and done his advice, she rang one afternoon and i was itching to answer but i didn’t…my heart sank knowing all she wanted was to speak to me…i feel like this made it even worse for me, long story short cause i feel like i’m rambling on….this went on for a few more weeks she kept on coming up with excuses not to see me, i would get really angry at her and text her how she’s wasting my time…but when i was alone it would rip me apart that i was losing her 🙁 eventually we agreed to meet up, the day before i rang her over 40 times no lie…she didn’t pick up once…i made up my mind i was going to end it with her, cause i’m honestly fed up. the morning i woke up i rang her again and she told me she had stayed at friends and never had her phone (yh right smh) i told her i had enough and i think its best if we end it…she sounded emotionless on the phone and didn’t even put up an argument…i wasn’t happy with that so i rang her again and told her i’m coming to see her right now cause we need to talk about this face to face…..i then went to see her, we met up outside the library (the first place i met her) she looked really sick and drained she was also limping cause she had problem with one of her legs…the whole time she seemed very distance she wouldnt look me in the face, only when i would gaze off i’d catch her looking at me intently, when i’d look her way she’d look away and smile…she wouldn’t hold my hand, she would put her headphones in and not talk to me…in the end nothing was solved. i went to my friend who i explained the situation too he said its best for you two to take a break from each other….i thought this was a good idea, so i rang her and told her this she seemed ok with it…….now this is where its gets fucked up……two days later i went unto facebook to see her in a picture with some next guy and the caption said:” me at capital karts with bae and his friends” my heart sank completely….i woke my friend up and he said its clear she had a fella on the sideline waiting….i told him i feel like she’s just trying to make me jealous and the guy is not her bf, he said ‘no’ but i felt like she was playing games…cause one of her status was: ”what goes around comes around” so i took the situation in my hands i uploaded a very old picture of me and girl hugging…yes very petty, but i knew this….she lost her shit, she had made plenty statuses indirectly at me…at this point i found out the guy was not her bf cause i saw him comment on one of the statuses saying: ”seems like someone cheated on you”. Later it seemed she noticed i was online and we had a full on argument in chat, she told me how she hated me, i’m ugly and many more things….i told her how she never told me anything and that she just pushed me away….she kept on referring to the girl in the picture as ”hoe”….i told her why would u be angry when u clearly wanted to break up with me, the conversation got deep: ”you never treated me like other girls, its like you only loved it when i opened up my legs for you” i explained to her i did really care about her i may not of shown at the very start but i really did love her and maybe if we had met at a different time would of been perfect for each other who knows. In total we argued non stop for 5 hours, in the end she told me she wanted me out of her life, she said she was ”done with my life” at this i was scared cause i thought she was going to commit suicide or harm herself, cause she had done something like this in the past (not over me)….i told her ok and i deactivated my fb…..i was ripped apart by this whole dilemma, i really wanted to hear her voice and no she was ok, so i gave in and rang her….she picked up but she was out with her sister so i told her i’d ring her back….

  40. Jay

    September 15, 2016 at 4:05 pm

    me and girlfriend of a year broke up about a month ago. Everything was going well before i went to work for a month back in june, so i wasn’t able to see her, but we always spoke on the phone….she started saying stuff like ”she doesn’t feel like her self” blah blah and that she had done stuff with other guys…but she’d quickly start laughing when i lost my temper, cause she’s knows i’m jealous…up to this point the relationship had been just fine, we’ve had communication difficulties in the past, i think this may be due to we live far apart, she’s a bit younger than myself (she’s 19 and i’m 22) and our cultural backgrounds are different (i’m from the caribbean and she’s of east african and arab descent) but everything was going pretty well.
    The relationship started off as a fling at first, she got very attached….at first i was quite unsure if i wanted a relationship, but after spending more time with her and seeing the love she showered me in i decided that i really liked this girl. I moved houses so the relationship became long distance, but i’d always make time to go see her……fast forward now a week before i started my shifts , everything was going well we were loved up, she’s telling me she got a surprise for my birthday (thats in december) i tell her i’m going away for awhile cause i got a lot of work…..i worked with a catering company…. i remember i got in from work real late one night and called her, she started acting funny n stuff….saying odd stuff to make me jealous, but she pedal back and say ”she doesn’t feel like her self’ or ‘i have alot of stuff going on’ or ‘i’m depressed’ i brushed it off and never mind it…..in july when i had less shifts, i would go out every night with my friends and i’d always give her a ring anytime i’d ask her if we could meet up she would say ”i have family over, i’ve been ill” or the most believable one was ”i just moved houses” which i bought cause i phoned her once and she and her sisters were setting up a wardrobe

  41. Peter

    September 14, 2016 at 1:57 am

    I seem to be in a tricky (and shitty) situation. Was with my girlfriend of four years. Just graduated college before we both went to travel Europe (on our own and then meeting up). A week before I met up with her, I drunkenly kissed another girl in Rome. When I met up with my girlfriend soon afterwards in Barcelona, she told me on the first day that she was 100% committed to me and ready to marry me and that she would move to California with me and wait for however long it takes for me to propose (we just graduated from school in DC, but she’s from Florida, I’m from California). Then and there, I told her how I screwed up the week before. It totally tore her apart so she broke up with me there and canceled the rest of our trip together. I came back to the states early, and she kept traveling alone, but blamed me for ruining her trip. Nonetheless she told me that we would meet in person to discuss everything when she gets back.

    It has been two months since the breakup. Since then, we have had NC for 2 weeks before I gave in. She got upset that I contacted her so we had another few weeks of NC before she got back and texted me for a week or so saying that she wants to meet up with me. In her texts she told me she was excited to see me so I got my hopes up. She even called me once or twice and said she “can’t wait” for the weekend.

    When I flew cross country to her this past weekend she picked me up from the airport and told me that she wanted to spend the entire three days with me and live in the moment, but that this is our final goodbye and that she needs to find how to be happy on her own, we both need to grow, and she wants to see other guys to make sure I’m the one… She told me that she wanted to continue NC for “multiple multiple months” (including not friends on social media). I just told her that I would fly to her again and we could have another weekend like this if she reached out to me. For the rest of the weekend, we just talked, cried, laughed, reminisced, and kissed. There were times where she told me she loves me too. When she dropped me off at the airport three days later she was suddenly having a panic attack and wouldn’t stop crying and kissing me and telling me how much she loves me. I just hugged her and told her to be happy.

    My point is this: I am so entirely confused what to do now. I have a job in California and she has interviews around the country (but not in California). But I don’t know where I stand in the process. I thought this weekend was going to be step 3 of the VC, but it ended up being like step 4 which should have led to success… But now she wants to go back to NC… Or does she? Because the last moments with her felt otherwise. Does she really still not want to talk for “multiple multiple months” after what just happened? The problem is, I know she will be able to get through it without reaching out to me because she is someone who is able to do anything she puts her mind to. But I feel like she is going to wait too long and forget about me/move on to a new romance that is sweeter rather than digging in old wounds.

    Please tell me where I stand, and whether I still have a chance with her. I miss her even more now after this weekend. What do I do to still try and get her back?

  42. Joe

    September 12, 2016 at 4:01 pm


    Gf of almost 5 years recently broke up with me. We had never really talked too much about our future and she was out of state for school summer research for 2 months. I visited her midway during the trip and everything seemed fine. She brought up our future and i sort of brushed it off. It was clear to her that she wanted to marry me and i did as well; its just i put off the conversation. (idk why). This is her first time being on her own since her parents have always been strict. After coming home from visiting her she contacted me less and less. and she said i was calling her too much and . Finally she comes home 5 days later she breaks up with me she said she didn’t know how she felt anymore. She admitted to having feelings for someone else at the school she attended out of state and she kissed him. She said she was confused but still loved me. That she wanted space. All we would do is hang out together every weekend prior to her leaving for research. She continues to try and contact me and I respond. I asked her what she wanted and she said she doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now. The contacting me part confuses me. I don’t want to be just her friend. What do i do?

  43. Charles

    September 7, 2016 at 5:18 pm

    I’ve been dating my girlfriend for over 2 years now and she told me needed space 5 days ago. We met in college and she’s always told me that she’s sees a future with me and that she could see marrying me in a few years. She is a year older than me and graduated last year while I was finishing up my last year of school. So we decided to do long distance for a year and it wasn’t easy. We fought a lot and I had a lot of people telling me to break up with her. She was my first girlfriend so I did have some doubts and with all her talk about the future I was kind of scared. So when I graduated from school 3 months ago things were just not the same and I think she got that vibe from me. She also lives 30 minutes away from me in the city while I’ve been living at my parents house and she really wanted me to move out there so we could be together and I still haven’t done it. In the last couple months she’s brought up issues of not being happy several times and while I tried comforting her, I didn’t go out of my way to keep her because of these lingering doubts about our relationship. Last Thursday (5 days ago) she called me crying to tell me that shes so happy when were together but she’s unhappy when we’re not and that she needed a break to figure out how to be happy on her own. I thought I would be relieved but the next night I realized I had made the biggest mistake of my life. We were so perfect together and I had let a year of long distance distort that. So I texted and asked her if there is a chance for us and she said that us together was her end goal. I asked her to talk to me about this in person but she made me wait until monday because I think she I knew I could talk her out of it. So I met her at her apartment on monday around 5 and we walked to a bar. I thought things went great. I admitted to her that I had been having doubts and that I had been treating her terribly, but that I realized now that I had made a huge mistake and that things would be different. I’d get a job in the city and things would be like they were before long distance. She told me that she thought she might be making a mistake and 4 hours later (I was somewhat drunk but she wasn’t. She only had two beers and she’s a tank) we ended up making out on in my car because she told her roommates that she was going to end things and was too embarrassed to invite me up. When she left the car she told me she was happy and I felt the same connection we had a year ago. She was leaving on a week long business trip in the morning and told me that she still wanted space and that I need to let her contact me. She texted me the very next morning (yesterday) and we were talking most of the day in positive way. She went out that night and said “I dont want to mess with you but I miss you”. I told her I missed her too and then we got back into talking about everything we did the day before. She told me that the she felt like I just wanted her back because she didn’t want me anymore. I told her that wasnt true and that we could go back to last year. She ended up falling asleep and apologized this morning. My question is should I go into no contact? Or am I already at the building attraction chain? My only worry about the no contact is that there is this guy she works with who’s like 5 years older than her and interested in her that she’s been talking to since May. She told me that she saw him the night after she called me to go on a break and that shes attracted to him. but that they just kissed, it was a mistake, and he wasn’t a factor in all of this. That she needs time for herself. I’m just not sure that I believe that and am worried that if go into no contact she’ll just run into the arms of this other guy and I’ll lose her. So should I go into no contact or start the attraction chain? I was thinking that I would offer to pick her up from the airport later this week if things go well

    1. Charles

      September 7, 2016 at 9:05 pm

      Just wanted to add that she has a tendency to overreact. She’ll probably be freaking out after a couple days of me ignoring her, which might incite her to block me on social media and remove our relationship on facebook as retribution, and I feel like that would be a step backwards

  44. Nick

    September 4, 2016 at 10:15 pm

    Alright, Chris, my case is the weirdest. I rejected my girlfriend sexually for almost a year, because some bad stuff happened to me ( my dog died, I lost my job) and I was almost never in the mood. She did not exactly break up with me, she just said that, because of all the rejections I gave her, she stopped being attracted to me. Now, she only wants us to be friends (for now) and says that we see other people, and maybe – if someday she wants me back sexually- a free relationship, where we could see other people. First of all, does that make ANY sense to you? I cannot pull off the No contact rule, because she wants us to be friends, it would seem crazy if I stopped talking to her. But I did try to improve myself and build attraction. She saw me yesterday, said that I look very cute, that she is proud of me for improving myself, but she is still not sexually attracted to me. What do I do? I am lost.

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      September 11, 2016 at 10:48 am

      Hi Nick,

      if you kept talking, that would more likely put you in the friendzone

  45. Jo

    August 24, 2016 at 8:26 am


    I know this is about ex girlfriend recovery but I am having some issues with ex boyfriend recovery. I am a female and has recently broken up with my boyfriend. I initiated and he agreed but I initiated because he said he needed space and time since early in the relationship of 1.5 years. In the 1.5 years of relationship, we have been using the words ‘break up’ nonstop and then patching. But his attitude has gotten from bad to worse. He doesnt feel like seeing me as he said I am always unhappy with him or every time there is a new problem and we will quarrel about it. There is no peace in his life. He said I was controlling him and this relationship is too intense. He has never prioritized me and will always rather meet his male friends and hang out with them. He had been muttering ‘sick of this’ under his breath for about 6 months before we finally ended the relationship. He said we cant fix this anymore and I deserve someone better and that someone is not him because he can never seem to make me happy. He said hes too burnt out and tired. He just couldnt do this anymore. I asked if he still loves me, he said yes but he know things will never be good between us and that we are too different. Hes just not so ready to settle down yet. Since the beginning of the relationship, everyone around us, friends and family felt that this relationship is toxic and that we are incompatible. We havent been in contact after 2 weeks of the break up when I messaged him saying I miss watching soccer with him and he didnt reply. Its like he never cared. But he did say previously that hes trying to move on and I should too. He doesnt want to fight for this relationship anymore and doesnt want to be in a relationship at all now. He just wants his personal time and space and be alone. His career wasnt very stabilized either. I dont know what to do but I did tell him to meet me in early November after the break up and he said okay but he said it isnt the right time for us to meet now. He doesnt want to give me any false hopes, if anything happens in future, it happens. He hasnt contacted me after the break up. It was I who initiated a few times but eventually stop… What should I do? 🙁

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      August 26, 2016 at 9:17 am

      Hi Jo,

      start no contact and do 45 days..Have a new routine, have your own life and just focus on that.. he has to see that you have moved on first before you try to initiate contact again

  46. Christopher

    August 23, 2016 at 3:56 pm

    Hi Chris,
    I met the most amazing woman 5 months ago. We both fell in love immediately & saw a future together. She’s very self-aware, feminine and empowered. I have never had a woman give herself so completely but not to take care of but to care for and also in the bedroom. She called me her why – why she woke up and went to work sorta thing.
    Two months into it her daughter came home and I felt a shift in our partnership and started growing insecure. Then at the beginning of July we both had family in for two weeks and had our first disagreement about alone time. I felt her walls go up. we still dated but always with her 20 year old daughter present and maybe my children. Every moment for her with her daughter was precious and all wanted was a date night or something to have alone time where we could just be us.
    The night before we took her daughter back to college she decided she didn’t want us to come over. I said something very hurtful. We took her daughter to college on Sunday and on Monday she broke up with me. I think she was as shocked as I was.
    I did everything wrong… Texts, calls and stopping by. In the end she said there were traits in the relationship she didn’t like and she has to honor her feelings of the relationship should be over. She’s asked for no contact so that she can get over me & of course that doesn’t sit well! I don’t want her to get over me. She politely said she might not reply to a text or call and not to take it personal and perhaps in a few weeks we can be friends.
    If I make it today it will be day 2. I don’t want her to forget about me. She hasn’t deleted me from Facebook, Instagram, and has viewed my Snapchats.
    I realize that it wasn’t just saying something hurtful but I failed to keep her feeling safe. I’ve been into self improvement for awhile and realize my mistakes but if she doesn’t know that I know it wasn’t just about the mean thing I said but not keeping her safe and empowered – how will she see I know the error of my ways? I’d like her to know while she’s taking this time.
    She still has my stuff and I have a few things of hers. We’re supposed to go on a cruise on October 15th.
    This is the short version. But I know she loves me and she is forcing herself to do this.
    I’m working on nc, self improvement but our daily lives never intersect. I can’t contact and look anymore pathetic than I had.
    Where do I go from here?

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      August 26, 2016 at 8:03 am

      Hi Christopher,

      give her space..she probably doesnt expect you to stick with it.
      you’ve done your part now it’s time to let her realize it by not chasing her.. be active in social media so when she checks it, she’ll see you have your own life

    2. Christopher

      August 29, 2016 at 8:26 pm

      Since Last I wrote, I did stop by and she was not happy. She unfriended me on all social media. I am wondering if I can have a private conversation… I’ll pay what ever – I’ll be a case study – whatever. We had a good relationship – I know in my heart she loves me. She had some avoidance behavior that she would have to face in any relationship. I just need help.
      The thing is I know I can move on but… I’ve never had anyone give me themselves completely – never had anyone “imprint” themselves on me. She would always be the one either “the one” or “the one that got away” either way it took 43 years on this earth to find her…
      Please Chris – Give me a hand here. thanks!

    3. Christopher

      August 30, 2016 at 10:53 pm

      I’ve bout all the books and starting to read through. I would really love to tell the story, I would really love to be a case story. I know how busy you are Chris but I think if we end up together… you’ll have a happy story to share.

    4. EGR Team Member: Amor

      September 1, 2016 at 9:04 am

      you really have to stop chasing her and start in sticking with the no contact rule..improve yourself.. raise your value and heal.. she has to think you have moved on.. if you want you can email us at [email protected]

  47. Pete

    August 18, 2016 at 9:21 am

    My girlfriend and I dated over a year. The first half of it needed to be a secret because it was an office romance. But from day one, she was essentially robbed of the honeymoon phase she, and we, rightfully deserved… When we started dating my father was dying, my family have financial problems, so I couldn’t really wine and dine her like I wanted, like she deserved. But she stood by me and was incredibly supportive, especially with my family. Earlier this year I had to much to drink while morning my dad’s passing, and I senselessly made out with a stranger. She found out months later. While it created a huge void in her trust issues (from previous awful relationships with get awful ex bfs), she gave me a second chance. A month later she caught me in a lie and it really hurt her.she was so upset and hurt, and I’ve been left I’m shambles knowing that I hurt the one woman I’ve ever loved. The breakup was slow and amicable, but then took a vicious turn while she was vacationing in Europe. Her messages grew increasingly angrier, examining every thing I ever did or.said in the relationship and interpreted each of them as calculated actions of deceit and disloyalty… Which hurts the most. I’ve made mistakes, but I want to marry this girl (I’m 29, she’s 25). I know I was the GNAT when I consistently messaged her while she went to Europe to clear her head and relax, I see that now. But now she’s blaming me for why she hates relationships again (she’s been screwed over in get past relationships, but I mean 10000 times worse)… Bottom line is, she’s a Leo, I’m a cancer (if it even matters). I know giving her space is the right move on paper… But I’m afraid that that too much space will only be the catalyst she needs to move on entirely. And like I said, she’s my world…. HELP. PLEASE.

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      August 25, 2016 at 7:19 pm

      Hi Pete,

      how are you now? if you’re in no contact, did you improve yourself?

  48. Liam

    August 17, 2016 at 1:11 pm

    So two days ago my girlfriend decided she needed to leave me because she felt that the state i got into after I had been out drinking on various nights out had become to much for her to handle and that even though she asked me to try and control it I failed to do so and she felt I therefore broke the trust in our relationship which I understand.
    She came and got her stuff from my place and not long after she had left she text me saying to show her we have something to fight for and that we cant be together ever unless I change. Now I am completely willing to do this and have already decided not to drink alcohol again and to stop being so selfish and think more about others but the issue is that due to her losing her job at the same time as this all occurring she has had to move back to her family home around 4 hours away. So my issue is I dont know how to show her im willing to improve and regain her trust if I am unable to see her and can only contact her via a text every few days or so?

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      August 25, 2016 at 6:51 pm

      hi liam,

      that means you have to approach like a long distance relationship after nc.. are you in nc now?

    2. Liam

      August 26, 2016 at 11:17 am

      I am at the moment yes but the problem is i go back to Uni in a few weeks which is the other side of the country so I dont have a lot of time to try and sort things

    3. EGR Team Member: Amor

      August 26, 2016 at 1:29 pm

      you’ll have to continue building rapport through messages and calls at that time

    4. Liam

      August 27, 2016 at 6:37 pm

      Ok thankyou, Just trying to work out when i should message her and what to say haha, she says even hearing from me can be upsetting for her