Having a breakup or falling out with the girl you love and it ending up in such a disaster can tear away at your heart.
So what do we do and say to the girl who broke our heart?
Should we even try?
Are there words that can even capture how far we have plunged?
My name is Chris Seiter and I run this website and others that are aimed at helping people with their breakups.
If your ex is a girl and she broke her promise to you, leaving you devastated, there is hope for those with broken hearts.
So let’s start with some simple advice as to what you should say to your girl if she left you and hurt you in the process.
What Do You Tell Your Girl If She Left You and Broke Your Heart
When we find ourselves in tears and feel broken because of a falling out with our ex girlfriend, we need to weigh carefully what if anything we say to her in those early days.
The mistake a lot of people make is begging for her back. It’s better to avoid all of that which I will get into a bit later.
What you want to do is pull your focus in and begin your own healing process.
So sometimes it’s best to say nothing.
Once the breakup is underway, the less communication, the better.
Sure, there may be times when communications cannot be avoided. Such as in the case if you have children together or are in the processing exchanging property. In these situations, it’s best to just keep things at a minimum.
What is important for you to realize is that the stage right after the breakup is critical and filled with potential pitfalls.
There is ample opportunity for you to say and do things that can make it worse, so you want to avoid those outcomes.
Think in terms of bringing closure to the normal communications you both use to have. As much as you might not want that to be the case, it’s time for you to adjust to a new normal and a new reality.
This reduction or stoppage in communications does not have to be permanent. Indeed, if you are successful with your Ex Back Recovery Plan, you should make inroads that will allow you to restart the relationship under better circumstances.
If you must communicate in those early stages, it is usually best to tell her that you regret things turned sour and that now it’s best you both take advantage of some private time to begin the healing process.
You will likely feel compelled to think that the two of you can just talk it all out and resolve things for good.
That is the tug of your heart playing games with your mind.
If she broke your heart and stands firm on not returning, then it would be a mistake to try and talk your way back into her good graces.
Sometimes there are also special situations in which you and your ex girlfriend live together. This makes the breaking off of communications all the more difficult. In such cases, it is usually more pragmatic to practice a form of limited No Contact.
Think in terms of less is more.
What You Shouldn’t Say To Your Girlfriend If She Wounded You
There is bound to be a ton of things you would like to say to your ex girlfriend and get it off your chest because it’s been bothering you so much.
Guard against such impulses.
Saying things to her to “set the record straight” is not going to mend your heart. It more likely to make her feel bad and you feel worse.
So guard against saying things like:
- “You hurt me and I will never forgive you.”
- “Can we at least try again, I beg you to just give me another chance.”
- “I don’t want to ever see you again.”
- “You are to blame for all that went wrong.”
- “Did you cheat on me? Is that what this is all about? Tell me. I will never let this go.”
If you fall into these emotional traps, you will likely just dig a deeper hole for yourself.
In most situations, when you strike back with emotional language, your ex girlfriend will resort to defending herself, saying things that may further upset you, breaking your heart all again.
So while it will feel really hard to do, it is often best to pull away and place your focus on self healing and personal growth, while following your ex recovery plan.
How To Turn Things Around If You Are Brokenhearted Due To Your Girl Ending The Relationship
One thing I emphasis among those I consult with is that a broken heart is never completely broken.
It may feel like it. The pain of rejection, betrayal, or whatever transpired may feel so great that you will feel that you will never recover or forgive.
But we all recover. We all learn to adapt. And forgiveness will eventually need to come from both sides.
Both parties to the relationship often learn something about themselves and the other during this process.
So there is an opportunity for you and your ex girlfriend to come back together again. In won’t happen overnight. You will have to put in the work.
It all starts with a focus on “you”.
Rebuilding yourself and reclaiming your confidence and sense of self is vital to this process. Learning to become the best version of yourself is also a very important step.
So before you entertain serious notions of trying to win her back, you need to get yourself back.
I have put together an entire Ex Recovery Program which deals with all of this. It is aimed at helping those heartbroken guys who never saw it coming.
Take a look at it and make use of some of the resources and tools I provide.