How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back If SHE Cheated On You

Your ex girlfriend cheated on you…

She betrayed you in the worst possible way. She gave a part of herself (that’s supposed to be reserved for you) to another man. Oh, and she did this on purpose. Her heart and her brain both agreed that it was ok to go outside her relationship with you.

How does that make you feel?

Angry?

Upset?

Depressed?

All of the above?

Here’s the ironic part though, despite everything she did to wrong you, you are still in love with her. You want her back. You are willing to give this relationship another shot, to forgive her.

I have to say because of that I respect you.

It takes an incredible person to be able to even want to forgive someone for that type of betrayal. Seriously, you have my respect (and that is a hard thing to earn.) Now, I know you may be looking at this guide and thinking,

“What would make someone want to write a page about getting their cheating ex girlfriend back?”

The truth is that if you have been cheated on you are the wronged party and that automatically puts me in your corner. However, I have an incredible amount of respect for a person who is willing to work though a betrayal like cheating because I know for a fact that I don’t posses that ability.

Seriously, I can put up with a lot in a relationship but cheating… that’s where I draw the line.

You are different than me though. In fact, I might go as far as to say that you are better than me when it comes to this particular aspect so I am more than willing to help you in your quest to get your ex girlfriend back if it is really what you want.

First though, I think it’s important to have a clear definition of what’s considered “cheating.”

The Two Categories Of Cheating

(Learn more about how to get your ex girlfriend back if she cheated by reading my book, Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO.)

cheetah
When most people talk about cheating today it is automatically assumed that they are talking about “physical” cheating but it turns out there is another type of cheating that can arguably be more dangerous than physical cheating. The scariest part about it is that women are more likely to engage in this type of cheating.

So, what is it?

It’s emotional cheating.

Now, before you roll your eyes and scoff at the notion I just want to say that when I first heard about emotional cheating I literally thought to myself,

“That’s not a thing. You can only be considered a “cheater” if you get physical with someone.”

Well, my mind quickly changed when I learned more about how women operate and how dangerous emotional cheating can be to a relationship (but more on that later.)

Lets do a quick recap of what we have gone over so far before we continue.

What are the two major types of cheating?

  1. Physical Cheating
  2. Emotional Cheating

Let me take a moment to define each. We will start with the more straightforward type of cheating, physical cheating.

What Is Physical Cheating?

cheating

Alright, I am a pretty traditional kind of guy so we are going to use my definition on physical cheating since I feel it is the strictest.

For me, physical cheating includes a lot more than just sex.

For example, I would put things like these on the physical cheating list,

  • Holding hands with another person romantically.
  • Kissing (On the lips.)
  • Kissing (On the cheek if you have romantic feelings for the other person. I am not talking about a cheek kiss greeting.)
  • Getting to 2nd base with someone.
  • Getting to 3rd base with someone.
  • Obviously sex.

Of course, there are also other grey areas that can be looked at as cheating (which I probably would.)

For example, what if you went to a club with your girlfriend and she went to the dance floor and started grinding on another guy? Would you consider that cheating? Personally speaking, I would. For those of you who don’t know what grinding is please reference the picture below.

grinding

Why is it that I would consider grinding a form of cheating?

First of all, just look at that picture. That is practically the same thing as dry humping except you are standing up. Secondly, if your girlfriend is going to be “grinding” anyone shouldn’t it be you and not some other guy?

Just sayin..

(Side Note: Obviously when a couple is dating they set up the ground rules for the relationship. For example, there are some couples who agree upon an open relationship which basically throws cheating out the window. What I am talking about throughout this page are for more traditional relationships.)

What Is Emotional Cheating?

text me

In order to understand emotional cheating in the context I am trying to put it in you need to have some knowledge about the differences between men and women.

Ok, I don’t think I need explain the way men are to you (since we are all men here.) Nevertheless, generally speaking in relationships we crave physical intimacy a little more than women do (though they crave it too.) Women on the other hand crave emotional intimacy more than we do (though we do crave it too.)

Emotional cheating usually occurs when a woman doesn’t feel that her emotional needs are being met by you.

So, what does she do?

She looks elsewhere to have those needs filled.

I think role playing works best for stuff like this so lets use you and your ex girlfriend as an example here.

Lets pretend that the two of you are dating again but you aren’t meeting her emotional needs so she begins to look elsewhere to have them met.

Where does she look?

Well, her friend Bob from work seems like a pertinent choice.

As Bob begins fulfilling her emotional needs the following begins to occur,

  • Bob is the first thing she thinks of when she wakes up in the morning (even though your right next to her in bed.)
  • She texts Bob more than she texts you.
  • She spends a lot of “one on one” time with Bob (nothing physical yet though.)
  • She fantasizes about Bob when she is having sex with you.
  • She begins to dress up for Bob.
  • She looks forward to seeing Bob everyday at work and dreads coming home to you.
  • She tells Bob things that she never told you.
  • She tells Bob about any marital issues that she is having with you.

Remember, all of this happened because you didn’t fulfill your girlfriends needs and now Bob is her “go to” guy for that.

Still don’t think emotional cheating counts as cheating?

Perhaps this next tidbit of information will change your mind.

It is best to look at emotional cheating as a bridge to physical cheating. Take a look at the bullet list above. Do you realize that everything on that list is what a girlfriend is supposed to think about her boyfriend. The only thing that is missing between your girlfriend and her relationship with Bob is the physical aspect but I guarantee you this. The more that Bob cements his status as her “go-to” emotional guy he gets a step closer to becoming her “go-to” physical guy.

In other words, if your girlfriend is emotionally cheating on you with someone else then the physical aspect of cheating is right around the corner.

Are You a Victim of your Ex Girlfriend Having Sex With Another Guy?

my god she cheated on me

Before we get into why your ex girlfriend decided to climb into the sheets with some other guy, let’s just talk about your feelings and how you go about navigating through all of this mess.

Yep, it ain’t easy to know how to get over your ex girlfriend sleeping with someone else.  Whatever led her to decide that she would betray you and have sex with some dude is a bewildering journey in itself.  And I promise you we will get there.

But I know what you are feeling.  I have heard the story many times and every time I hear it, it becomes clearer and clearer that there is not much out there than can literally drive a man crazy than hearing or knowing that their ex is out there just do it with some other man.

Even knowing how to act out and where to put all these feelings you are going to be experiencing is pretty darn tough.

So I won’t pretend this is easy stuff.

It’s not.

You are probably thinking right now that the thought of her with another man is about to make your head explode right off your body.

And if your are still exercising these demons of seeing your ex girlfriend with her new boyfriend, let me just assure you that there are far worst things in life. You will survive this.  But first, you need to stop thinking about your ex sleeping with someone else.

If you don’t, it is going to drive you freaking nuts.

So how do you get over your ex girl or ex wife sleeping with somebody else?

Certainly not by running it through your mind over and over again.

Chances are you actually didn’t see them in the act.  You may have been told or are convinced your ex cheated on you.   So we are not talking about how to know if your ex girlfriend was sleeping around with someone else.  I am assuming she was.

And we are not discussing the particulars of your ex girlfriend’s sexual appetite.  I already understand that you are now in this place of utter despair realizing some son of gun has his hands all over your girlfriend’s body.

That’s it, right there.  You see what I did to you?

I forced you to think of her cheating again.  I gave too many details.  But my point is that should be the last time you provide any color or texture to their actual at together because all it does it make you feel horrible.

What good is feeling horrible.  This is not about beating yourself up.  Nor is it about crucifying your ex girlfriend in your mind.

Going forward you need to accept your ex chose to sleep with someone else already and that is in the past and neither you or her can undue what happened.

And it doesn’t matter whether she did it out of weakness or spite.  It happened and dwelling on the sex act or combing through all kinds of images about it is not just torturous, but is going to set you back in your quest to get her back, if that is what you want.

It doesn’t matter if your girlfriend slept with someone else during break or at work or when she traveled home to see her parents.

It happened.  As promised, we will get into why.  But I am concerned right now about you mindset.

To get past all of the pent up anger and resentment that has bubbled up inside you because of your ex girlfriend’s hanky panky, you need to get really physical.  I am not talking about putting your fist through a wall.  Or running out an banging every girl you know.

I am talking about chasing out those thoughts in your head.

Believe me, trying to think your way through this in the beginning is not going to work.  You will find yourself in this loop of disbelieve and shock and all kinds of upset feelings as you try to square what happened with what you did or said.

Don’t go there.

Don’t over think this.

Women, like guys, do stupid things and your ex girlfriend getting in bed with some other dude can be about any number of things.

Trying to lock down the one reason that caused this and trying to figure out why she did it is often a losing battle.  You may never understand why your ex betrayed you.  She might not even understand what was going on in her own head when she crossed the cheating line.

When you strip it all down, just remember that sex is a primal emotion and there are all kinds of chemicals and hormones at work in the brain that can cause your ex girlfriend to go a little sex crazy.

OK, so let’s get back to what I want you to do.

First, stop thinking about them being together in that sexual way.  Or in any way, for that matter.  If your ex is still with this other guy, then don’t think about what they may be doing sex wise, or how they might be doing it.

As I said, doing so is synonymous with self torture and that gets your nowhere except the gutter of despair.

Your focus should be ridding yourself of all these terrible stress hormones that are piling up in your brain and the best way to do that is replace them with better brain chemicals, natural ones.

I want you to do something physical and do it a lot.  I don’t care if it involves running or biking or swimming. Just so long as you physically exert yourself.  Do it a lot.  Make a new routine where you do it daily.

Then I also want you to listen to a lot of music. Not angry music.  Not music about romance.  But listen to music that has a calming influence on you.  If you know how to play an instrument, then even better. Do it and do it often.

Now don’t go out and have have a lot of hot smoking, physical sex with a bunch of other women.  Don’t contact your ex girlfriend and tell her how you banged her best friend or have been on the prowl for sexy women.

Don’t go get drunk because most assuredly, you will do something really STUPID.

That might make you feel pretty good for a spell, but it won’t help you in the long run.  In fact, if your ex catches wind that you are out there having sex with everything that moves, guess what she is going to do.

That’s right.   For every sexual action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Now, your ex girlfriend and her hooking up with this other guy is not just going to fly right on out of your mind, never to be remembered again.

Nope, it doesn’t work that way.

But it won’t be on your mind 24/7.  That is where I need to get you.  Once you are in a better place, then you will have a greater chance on implementing the rest of my advice.

Why Your Ex Girlfriend Cheated On You

why?

What have we learned so far about the differences between men and women?

Well, men tend to be more physical and women tend to be a tad bit more emotional.

Turns out that this phenomenon carries over to the reasons women cheat. Take men for example, generally speaking most men cheat because they get horny. They see a hot girl in the office and think to themselves,

“I’d like to tap that…”

So, when their wives or girlfriends aren’t fulfilling their needs sexually they may look elsewhere.

Women are different though. They are much more emotional in the way they cheat. For example, they will cheat for emotional reasons (which I will cover below) but it’s not just that, they will become attached to the affair. Men are much more likely to have a one night stand. Women on the other hand, are much more likely to carry on the affair and grow attached to the person they cheat with.

Now that we have that basic understanding under our belts we can start talking about your specific situation.

You are here because your ex girlfriend cheated on you and you want her back. Well, before we can dive into the “getting her back” part we need to first understand why she felt the need to go outside the relationship.

Why is this important to understand?

Well, there are a number of reasons why it’s important.

  • First, it is going to give you insight into what she was thinking when she decided to cheat on you. This insight is going to be valuable because you are going to gain a deeper understanding of her perspective.
  • Second, it is going to highlight what you could have done differently in the relationship to potentially have stopped her from cheating on you.
  • Finally, it is going to teach you to “cheat proof” your relationship with your ex or any other woman in the future assuming that this doesn’t work out with your ex.

What do you say that we get started?

Her Emotional Needs Weren’t Met

MY EMOTIONS

Let me try to put this the best way that I possibly can. Lets say that you and your ex girlfriend were living together during your relationship. You had a small apartment and both were working very hard on it to make rent.

For most couples in love this sounds like a dream right? I mean, living together is supposed to be exciting, right?

Well, there’s just one problem.

Both of you are working so hard that you barely get to see one another. Whats worse is that neither person is making an effort after work since you are both so tired.

As a result, she feels alone in the relationship.

You used to be the one person she could trust more than anyone with anything. She could come to you when she was worried and you were able to cure her fears. Any time she needed you there to meet any of her emotional needs you would do so.

It’s different now.

The two of you barely talk anymore.

That’s when our good friend Bob comes into the picture and we all know how that ends.

You Changed

change

When you first met your ex girlfriend she fell in love with a certain version of you. I know that is kind of a weird thing to say but bear with me here. Lets pretend for a moment that we can jump into a time machine and go back to the first day that you met her.

What were you like back then?

Well, you were probably really put together. You dressed nicely, were in shape, smelled good and were incredibly sweet and nice.

Now lets jump back into that time machine and go to the present day.

Currently, you aren’t such a catch anymore.

You have taken her for granted and as a result you don’t dress up nicely for her anymore. Also, you have packed on about 20lbs and lost that six pack you were so proud of.

Do you still smell good?

Actually yes, that’s the one thing that didn’t change but it doesn’t really matter because that sweet and nice demeanor that she feel for has turned into cruel and mean.

So, tell me.

What about your big “change” is going make a woman want to stick around?

To be honest I am surprised that she remained faithful as long as she did.

Revenge Cheating

vengence

I went through all the comments on my other site, Ex Boyfriend Recovery, specifically on those pages relating to women cheating and determined the top reasons for cheating.

Wondering what they were?

Well, there were three things that women typically cited for the reasons they cheated. After seeing them all I crossed one off the list because, “being drunk” isn’t a reason in my mind it’s just an excuse.

The other two I felt were legitimate though.

Emotional needs (which I covered above) and revenge (which I am covering now.)

If you cheated on your girlfriend first then it’s only human nature for her to make you want to feel the pain she is feeling.

In other words, it may be highly likely that she is going to go out and cheat on you just to get back at you. If you don’t think that she is capable of that then I have over a thousand women on Ex Boyfriend Recovery that say otherwise.

She’s A Serial Cheater
russian cheating
Some women are just rotten apples.

Seriously, men get a bad rap all the time for cheating. I mean, you always hear about the men who are serial cheaters but you know what, women can be serial cheaters too.

The most horrifying thing about these women is that no matter how perfect you are in the relationship they will still cheat on you.

Why? Because they are always on the lookout for something better. Almost like a virus jumping from host to host trying to work its way up to the top.

How are you supposed to know if your ex girlfriend is one of these women?

I have found the best way to determine this is to look at her past. Did she cheat on her other boyfriends? If so, how many times did she cheat? History is usually a predictor of future behavior and if you are dating someone who has cheated on all of her partners (and cheated on you) then I think its a pretty safe bet to assume that she has a problem.

This is a case where I would say that you shouldn’t try to get your ex girlfriend back because she is a high risk to cheat on you again.

My Rules About Getting A Cheater Back

(If you need a complete game plan for getting your girlfriend or wife back make sure you take a look at my book, Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO.)

tw rules
Lets not beat around the bush here.

Your girlfriend messed up pretty badly. She doesn’t get a pass for that. I mean, even if you were the one to cheat on her first she shouldn’t have gone out and fought fire with fire. That’s just not a good way to deal with the situation.

My only concern at this point is your well being (not your girlfriends.)

Now, I understand that you want your ex girlfriend back but there are a few things that you are going to have to consider before we can even talk about that.

Living With The Fact That She Cheated On You

Lets say that you do end up getting your ex girlfriend back.

Well, for most guys this is looked at as an incredibly exciting prospect. For you though, since she cheated on you, you are going to have to live with one constant thought,

“She was with another guy… What if she does it again?”

If you think this thought is going to go away relatively quickly then you are wrong. It can sometimes take YEARS to forgive a betrayal like this. Whats worse is what if the guy she cheated with is still in her life?

Ah, now that is an interesting question.

Ok, what I am about to recommend here may be a little extreme but I think it needs to happen in order for the relationship with your ex girlfriend to be successful.

What You Are Entitled To

This is my one rule about getting back with your ex girlfriend.

My ONE rule.

So, listen up.

If you get back together with your ex girlfriend and the person she cheated with is still in her life then the chances of your relationship with your ex girlfriend working out isn’t very good. Every time she texts him, talks to him on the phone or is around him in person you are going to drive yourself crazy with assumptions.

“Are they cheating again?”

“What are they talking about?”

“What is it about that guy that she likes?”

Personally, I think it is a giant slap in the face on her part if she wouldn’t be willing to cut “Bob” out of the picture.

So, here is my rule.

If your ex girlfriend wouldn’t be willing to end her relationship with the guy (Bob 😉 ) she cheated with completely and I mean never talking to him again in any way shape or form then your ex girlfriend isn’t worth even trying to get back.

Why is this rule so important?

Again, your well being is my only priority right now and I can tell you that you aren’t going to be able to forgive her for cheating on you if she still has this Bob in her life.

(Don’t you like how we labeled the guy shes cheating with as Bob?)

Now, fair is fair. If you ended up cheating on her first then you have to be willing to end all communication with the girl you cheated with so you can remove any doubt from her mind as well.

The reason this rule is so important is that it is going to help you in the moving on process. So, instead of having those worries about Bob you are going to be able to focus on repairing your relationship. Remember, even with Bob out of the picture it is till going to take some time for you to be able to trust her again.

However, if she agrees to this rule it is going to speed things along.

If she doesn’t agree to this rule then I am sorry to tell you but she is not even worth your time anymore.

Lets move on and talk about what steps you need to take to get her back.

How To Get Her Back If She Cheated On You

cheating

Lets say that you decide that you want your ex girlfriend (who cheated on you) back. What are you supposed to do to make this happen?

Well, just because your ex cheated on you doesn’t necessarily mean that getting her back is going to be an easy task. One of the biggest misconceptions that men have about their cheating ex girlfriends is the fact that they are going to come crawling back to them.

This is not always the case because in your exes mind YOU drove them to cheating on you. Oh, not to mention that they are probably terrified that you won’t ever be able to get past their betrayal and are afraid that you will probably hold it against them for the duration of your relationship.

lets talk a little about that.

Her Fears About Getting Back Together With You

She cheated on you.

Those are the facts and nothing she says is going to change it.

Infidelity in relationships is the number one betrayal that another human being can commit to another. Both you and your girlfriend were probably aware of this while you were together. This makes your ex extremely wary of getting back into a relationship with you for a number of different reasons.

Reason 1- What If He Never Forgives Me?

forgive me
Your ex girlfriend cheated on you and unless you are some sort of robot you are probably still very angry about that fact.

I am going to use myself as an example here for a moment. Speaking personally, if an ex girlfriend of mine had cheated on me I would find it incredibly hard to forgive her of this fact.

For the sake of argument lets say that I was able to get this ex girlfriend back who had cheated on me. Well, the entire time I would be with her I would probably only be thinking of her betrayal.

When I would hold her hand I would think,

“I wonder if she did this with that other guy…”

When I would kiss I would think,

“The other guy kissed her like this..”

When I would make love to her I would think,

“Some other guy probably did this to her..”

These thoughts would cause me to grow very resentful and I would hold against her. Speaking personally, I am not sure I could get past it ever. (That is me personally and not you.)

This would be your ex girlfriends greatest fear. She may be scared to get back into a relationship with you because she knows you may never forgive her for her infidelity.

Reason 2- He May Cheat On Me Now..

revenge
Lets not beat around the bush here. Some men can get so angry at an ex girlfriend cheating on them that they may cheat on them out of spite just to get back at them.

Women aren’t dumb.

In fact, I would say that as a whole women are a lot smarter than men.

They weigh their options very carefully before they wade back into a situation where they could potentially get hurt emotionally.

This is one of those types of situations where your ex could be at risk of getting hurt emotionally if she gets back with you?

Why?

Well, she is probably going to have this thought,

“I cheated on him so in a way I almost feel like I gave him a free pass to cheat on me and he may be vindictive enough to fight fire with fire just to get back at me because it hurt him so much.”

This is why I have a strict rule that your ex has to end everything with the person she cheated with. This acts as a form of justice. She proves that you are the most important thing to her and your anger is somewhat cured (hopefully enough for you to not want to revenge cheat.)

Reason 3- He Made Me Cheat On Him

made me do it
Here is an interesting paradigm shift.

Generally speaking women don’t cheat unless they have a reason (unless they are serial cheaters.)

It might be entirely possible that you weren’t providing your ex with what she needed emotionally so she felt so alone that she went elsewhere to find it (Bob.) Well, the resistance that your ex girlfriend may face when she is contemplating whether or not to get back together with you is if she wants to get back into a situation where she felt completely alone.

Try to look at it from her perspective for a moment.

If she felt so alone in her relationship with you that she was forced to cheat on you to feel “fulfilled” why would she want to put herself in a situation where that could occur again?

I think the only way that you can overcome this resistance is if you convince her that things could be different. Yes, your ex girlfriend was the one who messed up but if you also show her that you are aware that you take some of the blame for pushing her to a point where she actually had to cheat she may be receptive and open her mind to coming back to you.

Is The No Contact Rule A Good Idea?

dont talk to me again

If you have read any of the other pages of this site you are probably aware of the fact that I recommend the no contact rule a lot.

Of course, none of the other pages on this site have ever dealt with cheating.

So, what are the rules of no contact when you are trying to get back an ex who cheated on you?

Is no contact even necessary?

You bet your butt it is!

Two Advantages Of NC In This Case

I have found in cases where exes have cheated the no contact rule can be extremely effective in two ways.

First, the no contact rule can act as a time where you can kind of cool down.

Hey, your ex cheated on you and if you aren’t upset about that then there is something clearly wrong with you. If you were to take a 21-45 day period where you just cut your ex out of your life for a while and focus on yourself you can work on moving past her betrayal.

(Again, that is easier said than done.)

Second, the no contact rule is going to drive your ex nuts and this is a good thing.

In my experience, an ex girlfriend who cheats is more likely to want to beg for your forgiveness. So, if she starts begging for your forgiveness and you don’t give it to her (right now) due to the no contact rule she is going to feel bad about what she did but she will also begin to put you on a pedestal.

Instead of thinking about moving on she is going to be stuck on getting YOU back.

Last Thoughts

I wanted to remind you to take a few minutes and comment below.  We might just be able to give you some quick advice and if you have a story about your situation, we want to hear about it!

		

Written by EGR team mate

Chris Seiter

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439 Comments on "How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back If SHE Cheated On You"

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Guest
So she cheated on me, but when I told to give us a chance she didnt want. She told me she needs to order her ideas and feelings, I told her I would wait. Its been 2 weeks since the last text, 1 month since we last met (I got pissed because I saw on Facebook that she cheated me and she confirmed it that day), and 2 months since our breaking. Now the question, What if she is still dating the guy she dumped me for? Is she still thinking of me in a way to return? Can I… Read more »
Clinton Patton
Guest
Hey Chris My ex cheated on me and I’ll admit it was the first time we dated. We got back together after she broke up with me the first time but then she wouldn’t cut the guy she cheated on me with out of her life. So of course I grew paranoid and i found out that she had tried to cheat on me again. She broke up with me again recently and didn’t tell me about what she had done her friends told me. I’ve started my NC and it’s only been 6 days and she has texted me… Read more »
Mickey
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I need help so badly. About a month ago my ex of over half a year told me she no longer loved me and that she loved someone else. We had an amazing relationship up until that moment and I totally didn’t see it coming. I still don’t know what happened. She told me she would love me forever the day before and the next day she told me she hated me. Initially she told me she just wanted to be friends but I unwisely begged and pleaded for her to come back to me. Late one night about 3… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Mickey,

It would be best if you see a professional, like a therapist and you have to be active so you can heal and improve.

bj
Guest

‘…but if you also show her that you are aware that you take some of the blame for pushing her to a point where she actually had to cheat…’

Wait she HAD TO CHEAT? No she chose to cheat. She should have left the the relationship first before opening her legs for someone else. She is responsible for her actions. He may have caused her to want to leave but cheating is on her.

Jason
Guest
Hi! My fiancee admitted to me she was having an online affair with a man she hasn’t met in person although was planning to meet to hook up with in person at some point. I moved out, our engagement ended, (cause I was extremely hurt) and revealed my feelings and it brought us closer together than ever before oddly. I realized I wasn’t giving her the love she needed and we both agreed that if we tried again, we’d be stronger than ever due to our newfound honesty. THEN, I found out, just prior to breaking our engagement, she actually… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jason,

Trust is earned. Don’t just give it to her. If she doesn’t work for it and prove that she’s trustworthy, don’t trust her.

Patrick
Guest
Thank you so much for this article. I found it helpful and not. Why? My situation is kinda strange. We dated for 7 months she is recently divorced. I am 50 and she is 47. I found out during the relationship that she was a swinger with her ex and experimented with drug. She later told me that she left that life style almost a decade ago and wanted a fresh start. This bothered me but as I am no saint i respected the fact that she wanted and is changing her life around. I work away from home 30-45… Read more »
Patrick
Guest

BTW I am in NC for the 3rd week. But i think about her Every Single Day….i look at her FB every day and at times wish I had real answers I feel like Alice

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Patrick,

You didn’t.. given her previous lifestyle, she’s used to having different men.. her decision to cheat on you is an adult decision.. so, you can still follow the advice above…

Mr. Confused
Guest
Ok I’ve been dating my girlfriend for 2.5 years everything was going great. She eventually moved in and lived with me. Now where I am from we believe to marry in our culture but I fell in love with her and was willing to fight for everything for her. Over the years a lot of stress came from my family involing this. But I still fought by her side. We event to move into my dads house just to save money so we can buy our own home. . She eventually moved out due to the fact she couldn’t live… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Mr. Confused,

That’s good that you did nc but how active were you in posting in social media? Because even if you’re blocked, she will still get curious, you just have to make your posts public.

Confused Person
Guest
Hi, I’ve been with my “girlfriend” for about 4 years, she went on holiday with a couple of friends to spain, to be with her other friend that currently lives there, she was then “introduced” to this guy. Her and all of her friends including this guy Were partying for a week straight and he would try everytime to get with her (ex or gf) kinda confused to what she is currently. And on one of the last days she unfortunately gave in, and went with Him home, and I Think you Can figure out the rest, Alcohol and cocaine… Read more »
Confused Person
Guest

Sorry, I see that its trying to submit more than one post, I’m on my phone and
Must of accidentally hit the wrong spot on my phone, this is the correct post, you May delete the others if you want.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

take some space apart for now.. because you’re both too emotional..

Confused And Still Confused
Guest
Confused And Still Confused
So damn hurt. firstly i wanna apologize for my bad grammar skill. I am so lost during these days bec my girlfriend cheated on me and I can’t still believe. 1 year and 7 months relationship and she requested me to come to her at 1 year and 8 months relationship. Last 2 weeks ago, we’ve got some problems because she continued talking with the guy that I doesn’t like . I’ve known it since she attends at that college that she’s gonna cheat on me . Finally she cheated on me and now that guy (that I said before)… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Start the no contact perios

Some Guy
Guest
My ex and I knew each other and had great times off and on for a year, and were dating for 6 months. We hit it off strong and I felt things get really serious. One day she texts me out of the blue, and breaks up with me over a text message without much of an explanation, and blocks me. A few days later, she texts me out of the blue yet again, calls herself a “horrible person” and then admits to having cheated on me several times with one guy very early in our relationship. She also told… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Try the no contact rule first.. if it doesn’t work, continue moving on.

Confused Person
Guest
Hi, I’ve been with my “girlfriend” for about 4 years, she went on holiday with a couple of friends to spain, to be with her other friend that currently lives there, she was then “introduced” to this guy. Her and all of her friends including this guy Were partying for a week straight and he would try everytime to get with her (ex or gf) kinda confused to what she is currently. And on one of the last days she unfortunately gave in, and went with Him home, and I Think you Can figure out the rest, Alcohol and cocaine… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

take some space apart for now.. because you’re both too emotional..

Zach
Guest
I dated a girl for over a year a half long distance. She lied to me once during this relationship, one really big lie. I forgave her enough to be with her but whenever certain things would happen I would question things which caused us to fight but not enough to break up. I’m too in love with her to just drop her. About a month ago I started to question a lot for some reason. When you think someone is cheating, 99% of the time they usually are and I never wanted to believe it. Plus I didn’t have… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Zach,

are you doing the advice above today?

Kumar
Guest
Hi I’ve been in a long distance relationship with this girl for more than 1yr and we plan to meet up someday. She dumped me a second time nearly a month ago and dated a new guy (long distance also.) First guy it took her time to cut him off once she got back with me but I begged her to get back with me. This guy and her I feel they have contact still and she seems to never be around and always have excuses to not be with me. I didn’t contact her for 3 days and she… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

im confused..sorry, is she dating both of you at the same time?

Oddnan
Guest
I’ve been with my girlfriend for 6 months and we’ve always had small issues with her ex, like them talking with each other from time to time. 2 months ago i found out they have met each other and she was keeping it a secret – i found out by looking over her Phone. I gave her some clues that i already knew what happened but she never confessed. I ended up confronting her and we had a massive fight. A few days later i forgave her and told her to cut any contact with him. More recently, i started… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

take time alone so you can think on what you really want to do

Tim
Guest
So my girlfriend of two years cheated on me (went on a date with another guy, went home with him, slept there and they kissed). Of course at assumed the very worst, that they had sex. But I know that this is all they did because I made my girlfriend call the guy and say she had cheated on me with him and that it was over, she had originally told me they kissed on the cheek. However, on the phone the guy told me the truth and said no, they mutually kissed on the lips several times but he… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

if you want to tell her you acknowledge your faults, you can do it before the no contact rule but the no contact rule means no contact. No initiating, no replying, no social media stalking. If you need to talk important things like exchanging important items, only talk about that.

Mike
Guest
I had a 2 year relationship with my ex-girlfriend when we started to have trust issues so we broke up one day, at the beginning of february. We didn’t fully broke up since we were still hanging out and having sex. The next week after the “break up”, she had a party at her house and I went early the next day without telling her. Some guys asked her for permission to sleep at her house and I found out one of them slept with her in her bed. She told me he didn’t have anywhere to sleep, since the… Read more »
Mike
Guest

Something else: When she told me they didn’t have sex I trusted her, and the day she went to visit her family we had sex and told me loved each other and that we would behave the time she was going to be far away and that would be in touch every now and then

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

you already told her what you don’t want. it’s time to look like you’re done and improving yourself.. You have to restart the count and be active in improving yourself and to not comment on her posts too but to be active in posting in social media yourself.. That will be your indirect way of showing you’re moving on and improving

MIke
Guest
It kinda worked because when she returnded from her vacations she looked for my and told me she wanted to start over. We’ve been treating each other as a couple once again, but had 2 little fights about me asking her not to talk to him anymore, since they had been having a little contact via facebook. She told me that she would stop talking to him definetely. 4 days ago I found out they did have a real romance and I asked her about it and told her terrible things, like that she was a cheater and that I… Read more »
MIke
Guest

Also: I want to know if it’s good to try to make her jealous during the NC rule

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

just be civil in class.. only talk about important stuff, dont initiate a conversation. If she does, reply short, direct and politely. Keep improving yourself and yes, you can use jealousy, just don’t go overboard like actually dating someone else or kissing or hugging or holding hands.. talking to other groups of people, having fun with them will do… Keep it mysterious

Mike
Guest

Thanks a lot, and how will I know when to end the NC rule? Can I end it while she is at her hometown? Or should I end it before she leaves?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

do at least 30 days

LackOfEmotions
Guest
Hi, I’m not saying that i do want to have my ex back, but she was emotionally cheating on me for about 1 month, i had enough and felt the need to put down an ultimatum, him or me. 5 months passed and she eventually moved out to rent a room. We decided to have a 1 week break, just to find out our problems, she instead took up contact with this guy and by the end of the week, she broke up with me.. She 2 days later came begging and crying on my doorstep to take her back,… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

it will depend on your standards.. and if she’s willing to prove that you can trust her now.. if you really want the pictures, just ask and tell her why you want them kindly

Bruce
Guest
Hi, So I want to start off by saying that I am not that experienced. My last girl friend was my first love and I have a hard time letting her go. She’s four years older than me (29) and she technically cheated on her boyfriend with me. She was with her boyfriend for about 5 or 6 years. She caught him talking to some other girl and then she met me at my job. She’s muslim so she would use that as an excuse as why she only introduced me to everyone in her world as a friend. She… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Bruce,

are your actions obvious that you want her back?

Rap
Guest
Hey, Me and my ex just broke up last week and she said that she didn’t feel the same anymore with me. She said that I wasn’t giving her the same effort and attention that I used to give before and she felt that there wasn’t any way to fix it. She said she couldn’t continue the relationship anymore and she said sorry for not telling me what she was feeling for so long. She said she was already dropping hints a couple of months ago but I couldn’t read them. I wanted to fix everything but she said no.… Read more »
Rap
Guest

I forgot to mention that we had a on-off relationship during high school but we eventually went out for a year and a half since then. I thought everything was going great but somehow it went down slope since I went back to my second year of college.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Rap,

Do you want to try the no contact rule?

Rap
Guest

Yeah , I have it’s been 9 days now since I last contacted her.

Rap
Guest

And she hasn’t message me during the time.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

That’s ok. Focus in improving yourself and being active in social media.

Rap
Guest

So I shouldn’t confront her about the cheating?

Rap
Guest

I forgot to say I’m not really involved in social media as well.

Rap
Guest

I think she’s also going out with the guy she cheated with.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Ok, since you’re not also active in social media, I think you should restart the count, but you can confront her now. Be as calm as you can. Just make it known to her that you know what she did. If she wants to talk to you about it, maybe to ask for forgiveness, hear her out. I’m not saying you should forgive her, just listen and then start the no contact rule. Don’t tell her you’re doing a no contact rule.

Rap
Guest

I see. It’s just my ex just recently found out that I found out about the cheating through people spreading the story of our breakup. She hasn’t confronted me about it nor I have.

Rap
Guest

Hey, here’s an update on the situation. I think she already knows that I know about the cheating, she recently logged out her email from my phone and I’ve heard from her sister that my ex have heard from other friends from our area talking about our relationship and it’s situation.

Rap
Guest

hey, i was about to confront her about it but after a few days, she’s logged out her email on my phone where i found the letter. do i still have to confront her since she knows i was logged on into her email?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

the confrontation would be better done before a no contact rule, so that you can talk it out,.have closure and so that she will think you’re moving on during nc

Rap
Guest

I finally confronted her about it and somehow had closure and discussed about why she didn’t tell me about her cheating and she said she feels she doesn’t deserve me anymore and that she deserves the ‘punishment’. I asked what do you want to do and I asked if she wants to start over as friends. She said she missed me and all and She accepted but I didn’t forgive her for what she’s done. Shall I implement the no contact rule ?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

if that’s what helps you heal and forgive, yes.

Rap
Guest
Hey, it’s been a week since the confrontation , however, she messaged me the next day after the confrontation and saying she said that there’s no way we can ever go back together, I’ve asked why and she told me she has no romantic feelings for me but she still cares. I’ve told her I still love her. The next day, a mutual friend of ours has told me that she’s been telling my friend that the reason why she’s won’t give me a second chance is because I’ve been giving her a bad image. I’ve greeted her on her… Read more »
Rap
Guest
I also forgot to mention is that when we confronted each other.. She was questioning me for spreading a bad image about her. I told her it wasn’t any of my intention to give her a bad image as I was asking friends about opinion and advice. She first hid the fact about the letter and that she said it was a good bye letter for me. I called her out on it. Right now, I’m having a hard time implementing the no contact rule because she keeps messaging me about she keeps hearing about rumors. I also don’t know… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

For your peace of mind, have one last conversation about settling the rumor issue.. and then restart and stick to no contact to focus in improving yourself.

Rap
Guest
Hi, I’ve settled the rumour issue. However , i felt I haven’t told her what I felt and what she wanted from the whole thing. I told her I still love her and I forgave her but she said she didn’t to go back with me and that there are other better girls compared to her. She also told me that she didn’t want to go back with me because I’ve changed and lacked effort and that her feelings weren’t the same anymore. She told me we can just be friends and I asked her if she wanted to go… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

You’re friendzoned..better to really stick to no contact and focus in improving yourself

Rap
Guest

Hi, and yeah, it does seem like that she did. I had another talk with her and she really was convinced that I drove her to that point of cheating and yeah I’ll initiate no contact and try to improve myself.

Rap
Guest
I forgot to mention that I did eventually talk to her yesterday about my feelings and questions on why she broke up with me. We both apologised for what we both done to each other and I never begged her to get back with me but I just told her what I felt and what she was lacking. I told her I still care but I said it doesn’t know seem it’s the best for the both of us to be friends. I have now started no contact and I’m focusing myself. Is there any chance for me for her… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

that will depend more on how much you will improve during and after nc..

Rap
Guest

In my situation, does it seem too late to repair or have another relationship with her? Due to the number of issues such as her reputation ruined, constant talks, and she’s been saying stuff to me like she regret having sex and throwing away sentimental items that she have during our relationship. Should I also send her a clean slate letter ?

Rap
Guest

I also want to know how long does no contact have to be ? And when should I contact her afterwards? what aspects of myself should I improve on?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

she’s probably just emotional, do at least 30 days..follow the advice in the link below..
Re-Attracting An Ex Girlfriend After Fighting With Her

Rap
Guest
I see. The link has been quite useful and I’m in no contact and so far focusing on improving myself and dealing problems. The last message I sent to her was to tell me when she’s free for another talk about feelings and good luck on her exams and work because I felt that last that I had with her was lacking but she said she was going to be busy. It’s been 3 days since that last message… Should I tell her that I don’t need another talk anymore and restart the count or leave it as it is… Read more »
Rap
Guest

I’m also worried because she said other stuff that she wanted to cut all ties and that she just wants peace after all that happened.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Nope..just continue with no..more so after she said that

Rap
Guest

I see, she said this before I initiated no contact but she said she still talk to the guy she cheated but she said thy are not together in anyway. Is that something I should be worried ? They said she regretted it and she said that the guy doesn’t know about me…

Rap
Guest

I have also asked her things before no contact , stuff such as like why she has done it and told her if she was unhappy she could have just told me and we could have fixed it and told her I never took her for granted and I told I already let her go. Will this affect my chances considering everything what I said and what she said? And is no contact a must in my situation ?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

yup.. you’re more likely to be friendzoned..use this opportunity to make her regret and miss you more through your improvements

Rap
Guest

I see , I haven’t contacted her or heard why news from her and controlling myself to not look up on her since my last message with her .. Sorry , it just seems weird that no contact is what I should do since she felt that I took her for granted and never gave any effort.

Rap
Guest

I understand no contact is vital and i have done several things to improve myself. I want her to regret breaking up with me but at the same time i want her back. should i apologise on my part of the break up and should i contact her after the no contact or should i let her contact me?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

you can initiate after nc.. but don’t apologize for the break up…just start on focusing more on yourself right now so you can both have a restart

Rap
Guest

Oh okay, here’s an update of the situation, in 2 weeks she will go back to her home country for a couple of weeks. I don’t think she will be able to see any of my improvements that i made as me and I don’t really use social media to an extent to show what i think and what i’m doing. Should I contact her while she’s over there?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

you have to use it.. social media a solid proof when you don’t see each other personally whether she checks it or not right now.. if that falls during in nc, dont contact her.

Rap
Guest

Hi, its been 30 days and have been using social media. She hasn’t contacted me and I don’t know whether or not she has seen my improvements. She’s still in her home country and shes coming back after 2 weeks. I haven’t initiated contact with her yet. Should i contact her when she come back or while shes still over there? and is there any thing i should avoid talking about when I contact her?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

contact her when she gets back, just avoid being emotional..

Rap
Guest

Hi, my ex hasn’t contacted me and I’ve check her social media , she hasn’t really been posting anything on fb and her other social media has been deleted of pictures of her past. She’s coming back from her home country next week and I was wondering should I contact her before she leave or when she comes back like you suggest? And I understand I shouldn’t be emotional when I contact her but should I talk to her about the relationship ?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Nope..talking about the relationship and feelings is emotional.. You’re rushing it.. It would be better if you let a few days pass after she gets back before you initiate

Taylor
Guest
Me and my girlfriend broke up its been a week we didn’t say we where broken up but we obviously not together she cheated on my with her ex and after I found out she freaked out cried said she was sorry said she loved me and has strong feelings for me she went to the ex and asked him about our fighting and tried getting his opinion on it is the reason she had sex with him she says. She told him after I found out it didn’t feel right that she was moving out of my house and… Read more »
Taylor
Guest
They also dated for 5 years and she told me he got in her head and was saying I wasn’t good for her and stuff she’s 19 I’m 22 also she hasn’t really been out of a relationship since 8th grade. We also worked together while dating so we were around each other almost 24/7 and I start a new job in a week I told her I won’t be able to leave my job so I have to bring lunches everyday and she said she’d make me lunches and everything. And she is still in contact with the ex… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Taylor,

do you want to try the advice above?

Dylan
Guest
a little bit background about me and her. in 2016 i was jobless. so basically i can’t show her my full potential as a partner and i don’t want to look like im using her by going on a date with her and she has to pay for my drinks. i limit the amount of time that we meet a week. another thing is, this is one of the reason i believe why she left me again in november. im a christian and she is a muslim. even the guy she is seeing now is a muslim. she’s afraid or… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Dylan,

I think the main reason was the last thing you said.. So, you’re only chance now is to be better than the other guy.. Since you already did what you can in the last month, she’ll probably compare that to whatever the new guy does. And you have to keep your posts active so that you have indirect way of showing her your improvement

Dylan
Guest
Hi, I need help. I get to know this girl at the end of 2014. Only after 1 year (New Year 2016) i get to meet her for the first time. So basically from January 16 till about April 16 our relationship was not that strong. As in we seldom meet. Probably once a week or even two weeks. Our communication are mainly through facebook/whatsapp. And then at the end of April 2016 she suddenly get together with someone. At that time, i wasn’t really devastated or sad or anything. Only the earlier part i was sad but i recovered… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Dylan,

I think the main reason was the last thing you said.. So, you’re only chance now is to be better than the other guy.. Since you already did what you can in the last month, she’ll probably compare that to whatever the new guy does. And you have to keep your posts active so that you have indirect way of showing her your improvement

hd
Guest
Hi I need help… desperately needed My girlfriend and I were together for a year. It was nearly perfect until she moved to the middle east. I surprised her by moving to this country a month and a half after. She lives in another city but it’s just 1 bus ride away. Anyway, she went for a vacation for 9 days to another country. I know my fault in the relationship: I became clingy, needy and insecure. During her vacation, we had a huge fight as she forgot to message me her whereabouts. I know that it’s her first time… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Hd,

well it looks like she’s not asking to be forgiven, it looks like she wants to try things with him.. do you want to try the no contact rule?

Jamie
Guest
So, my ex and I broke up around 2-3 months ago. The relationship had declined ever since she left for an international school program, we agreed that we wouldn´t be “a couple” while being apart and that we could take our freedoms regarding meeting more people in the meantime. She was there for like half a year and, in the second month i wasnt feeling so sure about going on with this thing or being available for other people so I talked with her about it and asked her if she had already done anything with anyone (which was forbiden… Read more »
Jamie
Guest

Forgot to say, we dated for almost 5 years, but the last year was the on after we travelled together and where it all went bad. I was really working things out to reach back to her after no contact, but its so confusing now that she added him back again, I really didint see that coming.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jamie,

well it’s clear she can’t get over him. It’s like he’s the default go to guy whenever something goes wrong with your relationship. I think you need more time in nc and let this play out and for you to heal and think too.

Jamie
Guest

But its kinda ridiculous the guy lives on the other side of the world. I just don´t get it, I´ve come to think its her “release” from the me that used to be all about control and possessiveness in some way. She always had strong character and, she also is a very proud and stuborn person.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

then that’s what you need to change.. don’t be controlling if you get back together

Troubled Man
Guest
Here is my “last communicated” email to R Dear R, Thank you for the honesty, and I appreciate you finally sharing the truth with me. I truly didn’t mean to bother you, my assumptions were: a. Thought we had something. I was prepared for the worst when I sent you a farewell email 2 weeks back, but you still reeled me in. b. Wasn’t aware you had someone else. Had asked you before 2 weeks back telling you I’d understand but you said no. c. You had very recently said you were looking for jobs in Singapore so we could… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Troubled Man,

There’s no guarantee that nc will work but if you’re going to do it, don’t tell her. Just stop talking and start improving yourself.There’s still a chance she will miss you but to be honest, I think her love language is time. So being in ldr is really against her preferences of what makes her happy.

Troubled Man
Guest
Hi Chris and Amor, I really need your help. This will be a long story. During end-June’16, I took a 5-day holiday to Korea and on Day 3, just for laughs my friend suggested we visit a Juicy Bar (where basically pretty ladies drink and chat with you). I met R that night at the bar, and we hit it off, laughing about our lives and making fun of each other. She even stopped me from ordering additional drinks although it would her commission. That night, before I left, we exchanged numbers promising to do dinner the next day. The… Read more »
Derek
Guest

hi, can anyone give me some advice?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Derek,

what’s up? What’s your situation?

Tony
Guest
I feel like pushed my ex into cheating on me and even though we stayed together because I forgave her a month later she met a guy one day and left me for him the very next day. She put out for him within the week. I have been in NC for 9 days, I started the very next day that I came across this website. We were together for a year and a half and we always had a very turbulent relationship. She always thought I wasn’t doing enough, that I wasn’t being dominant in the relationship. She told… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Tony,

just to make it clear, you’re not in nc, you mean you’re still talking now? If you really want to have a higher chance of her seeing you in a different light, you need to have space.

Richard
Guest
My ex broke up with me a few days shy of our 6 year anniversary. After trying to talk to her about it, she revealed that she “hadn’t been entirely honest with me” and out come the truth that she had cheated on me a year prior. She moved halfway across the country about three months after that, refused to let me visit once or see me at all to focus on her chaotic life, but she kept me going that we maybe had a future together. I hadn’t been a great boyfriend to her throughout our entire relationship (in… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

HI Richard,

You have to think about first what you really want, what your standards are. Don’t go in this blindfolded.

Logan
Guest
Long story, I was in a relationship for about a year with my gf. Things we’re pretty good for a while, but I’ve always had insecurities and tend to shut down when there is an issue that needs to be addressed. I never had any real reason to suspect anything early on in the relationship as from past relationships I had trust issues and checked her phone once or twice and found nothing. I truly believe at one point we we’re truly happy and together and I let my problems get in the way of that. Basically I ignored her… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor
Hi logan, ghosting is what started the problem.. The difference of that in nc, is that, when you ignore your ex, it would make sense because you’ve already done what you can and there’s no point in talking anymore..during nc, you can still talk about important stuff that needed to be talked about but you’re not going to have friendly chitchats anymore.. With ghosting, you’re still together and you dont initiate or cant be reached.. You already made up for what you did. And besides, in a way you’re already in nc because you haven’t talked but in real nc,… Read more »
Logan
Guest
Thanks for the response, I guess that makes sense, the ghosting I did vs. the no contact now. As from what I’ve read up above in the post, I really don’t see at this point what contacting her would do to better myself. I feel it would just upset me more even if we could talk about everything because I feel so betrayed, and I know at some point in the relationship she felt betrayed by me too. For all I know she is with this guy now too, and is maybe happy. At this point I will just try… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Ok Logan. That’s good. Put yourself healing first

Josh
Guest
So my story might not directly relate to she cheated on me and we broke up, but I’m starting to get the inclination that she was fucking the guy she is now towards the very latter end of our relationship so bear with me and lets back up. So the gf and I dated for the last 6 months. Things were good for the first 4 during the first happy stage of what happens in every new relationship. After 4 months she said she wasn’t happy with some of my insecurities and some minor bickering that would happen. So we… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Josh,

Do the no contact rule for yourself. Change yourself first before you try to change the relationship because you take yourself in every relationship. So, try to do the no contact rule first.

Josh
Guest

Thanks for the advice. I think I will just walk away from this. If she come back then it was meant to be, but I can’t put my life on hold while she figures out what she wants.

Joshua
Guest
Thanks for this wonderful article, it’s a real relief seeing as there are options out there for us that have such an odd situation as this! I apologize for the length of my comment, my battle is uphill and my situation is a bit unique. So my gf and I were in a serious relationship for about 5 years and 2 months. Her family is very strict and it took more than 2 years just to fully establish myself with them. Once I did, her and them all consider me family! It’s great, we’ve had a wonderful relationship, ive been… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Joshua,

for me you made the right decision..how are you now?

Jerry
Guest
My girlfriend and I of 2 years have been living together for 5 months and she cheated on me about a month ago with her ex boyfriend. We had a very sexually fufilling relationship at least 2-3 times a week sometimes more. The weeks Before she cheated I was going thru a lot of stress at work and with my band, and was very busy so I was not giving her the attention she wanted. She told me she cheated because I was pushing her away at night (didn’t wanna cuddle a few times) and she felt like I didn’t… Read more »
Bob
Guest
9 year relationship, she kissed another guy. I did NC, I initiated text and ended it on high points. We meet a few days ago for a “how have you been doing”, we spoke non-stop for 2 hours, we spoke about everything, our relationship, our family members, how we have been doing, the things we’ve been doing. Honestly, I had a great time with her. Even the awkward moments weren’t awkward, at least for me. But before this meeting, she texted me…. If we do meet though, I just really want to be sure that you know its just as… Read more »
Spencer
Guest
Bare with me, its a long one. So I have a bit of a unique situation that I’ve looked for answers for elsewhere and haven’t found anything that quite fits my situation. So to start to explain this, you should know some things about me. I am still in High School and I had never dated anyone before, mainly because I am a very picky person and I really didn’t like any one before I became close to this girl. I have known this girl since sixth grade, and have had on and off crushes on her but I had… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Spencer,

how are you now?

archeryRich
Guest
Hi, My girlfriend and I just broken up few days ago. She dumped me when I confronted her that I saw her FB messages with this girl. By the way, we were both in the same sex relationship. She’s been emotionally cheating on me. I couldn’t believe it that she’s capable of it but she has had already a history of cheating with her ex before. Problem is I still want her back, I asked her to forgive my shortcomings and give me another shot to fix it. She refused it and now she’s still flirting with this girl. She… Read more »
Jerry
Guest
Hello, first I want to apologize for my bad english. I found your website on Google and read a lot of good stuff. Last week I found out my girlfriend was cheating on me. 1. She had sex with one of her friends she knows from school. 2. She met a guy in the cafe. She kissed him… One of her friends told me about it and I was shocked!!! I didn’t know what to do, because I trusted her, and we’ve had a relationship for 2.5 years. I was so glad I ever found her. 2 months ago we… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jerry,

why 3 months? That’s too long.. or you meant 3 weeks? If it’s 3 weeks, I agree with that.. But make it productive. Use it as a healing time for you.

J
Guest

Hey!
Sounds like a similar issue to mine. The thing is the guy doesn’t have the stuff I have, but he obviously makes her happy.
Is it worth trying the 14 day NC rule?

cascas
Guest
Hi.I dated my gf for about six yrs nw nd we have a child,we luvd each other morethn anythn lst wik she told me dat she is cheating to m wth the guy thy attnd church 2gthr,nd told m dat she doesn’t hve feeling 4me anymore,last wik monday we talkd nd forgiv her same wik thursday we had sex.On sartudy nd sunday she went to church mit wth that guy agn,on monday ths wk she told m dat she luv that guy morethn m nd thy had sex togethr,I stil luv her nd I wnt her to gv me the… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Cascas,

does she want to love you?

Jon
Guest
But why is it that I have to initiate the contract…. People are telling me to just give her space, that she is going through a phase…. Do I give her the space? I don’t want her back because she just gave in to me chasing her…. Also feel like she is still in contact with this guy.. I’ve changed dramatically, my confidence has never been higher when talking to girls and meeting new people. But I get my down moments when I feel like I’m the only one putting in effort to make us work.. ***For those reading… Watch… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

at firs, it’s more normal that you’d be initiating but the reason why you should be the one ending the conversation is so that you leave her wanting more and you have more control of the situation

John
Guest
me and my ex broke up last week ago we had a fight i shouted at her but at the end of the day we were still sweet at each other. after our family dinner she went home instead of staying with me overnight and after that we didn’t talked anymore, after two days she texted me and says she needs time and space. time for herself and her family and she said there is no third party involved and still i have a lot of questions in my head why??? Because she didn’t want to talk it over personaly.… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi John,

do you want to try no contact rule?

Jon
Guest
Ex and I were together 9 years. Throughout these 9 years we were great, except for the last 8 months. I developed social anxiety (It’s gone now that we broke up and got out of my comfort zone – 2 months) and I stopped going out with her and kept saying no to her when she asked me to go out. It was pretty consistent. If i did go out, I would make a fuss. Also, we basically only saw each other on Sunday, watch the walking dead and I’d try for sex, didn’t work and I would be grumpy… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jon

take it slow..it’s ok that you’re initiating contact just as long as you’re the one ending the conversation at high point.. built rapport through texts first and then transition to calls and build more rapport and attraction and then the meet ups would come naturally

Jon
Guest
But why is it that I have to initiate the contract…. People are telling me to just give her space, that she is going through a phase…. Do I give her the space? I don’t want her back because she just gave in to me chasing her…. Also feel like she is still in contact with this guy.. I’ve changed dramatically, my confidence has never been higher when talking to girls and meeting new people. But I get my down moments when I feel like I’m the only one putting in effort to make us work.. ***For those reading… Watch… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

at firs, it’s more normal that you’d be initiating but the reason why you should be the one ending the conversation is so that you leave her wanting more and you have more control of the situation

Anon
Guest
Hey ERG, Ill keep this as short and concise as possible. LDR with a girl from Jan-Arp, then moved to her city and moved in with her May. First month was great, but toward the end of the month, literally overnight, she changed and started to feel distant. She “didnt love me anymore” but had previously been highly interested (more then me). As things got worse, I said okay, have some space, and moved back to my home town. A couple weeks later she flew to my home town to surprise me and convinced me to move back with her.… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Anon,

I think those are too soon.. did you take a step back?

Alex
Guest
Hi. I broke up with my ex-girlfriend 5 days ago. The reason why we breakup is because she said she had no feelings for me anymore and I have so much things on me that she doesn’t like. We have being together for 2 month and we loved each other(at least she told me that) so much. Actually just 5 days ago she and I went to a mall and I bought her valuable gifts. When she said breakup in the first place, I begged her not to breakup and give each other time for it, and she agreed. When… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi ALex

did you proceed to do no contact?

Rick
Guest
Hi I was dating a girl for 3 months was really good but I had a vacation abroad booked with my ex gf before I met the new girl anyway I went on the holiday as friends and my new gf found out they actually got speaking to each other now they both hate me I want my new gf back its been a week since she found out what happend she said she wants nothing to do wit me and blocked my number I have been told she’s allready been on another date and she’s also on dating websites… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Rick,
sorry for the late reply Rick.. so, are you fine with the new girl now?

Matt
Guest
I was in a relationship with this girl for 7 months we actually lived together for 3 of them and she pretty much lived at my place for the rest literally every night and we spent every waking second together. And we had sex at least 5 times a day. But about 3 months in I told her that I had to move to California in September. So I took her every where and even flew her to California for during spring break and we stayed at 5 star hotels every night and went out to amazing dinners. And we… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Matt,

Honestly I don’t get it Matt.. Things were going great why did you both agree on seeing other people? And now, she basically doesn’t want to talk, and I don’t get that too.. but I don’t think chasing her now will do any better.

Matt
Guest

I don’t think that either of us meant it should I just walk away from this one

Jon
Guest
Hey, my ex and I were together 9 years. We had a relationship people idolize. But around 6-8 months ago, we fell into a routine, I would be focused in school (engineering) and would only see her on Sunday to watch a TV show or if there were occasions like Easter or Christmas. I also always put up a fuss about going out because money was tight for me, and I wanted to save it. We planned on going to Europe 3 years ago but I was never able to save enough… And again this summer. I didn’t save enough.… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jon,

when did you break up.and when was the last time you talked?

Jon
Guest
We broke up a little more than two weeks ago. The last time we spoke was a week ago, I sent her a message on messenger app of a YouTubelink I knew she would like. I am just not sure what to do, I went out and met other girls…had a lot of fun, but just don’t want them, I want her. But I feel so betrayed, and don’t know how to approach the situation. I want to tell her how much she fucked up my heart, and how if we do try again, there needs to be boundaries set.… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

well it was just two weeks ago.. I think you should try to do a no contact period at least 30 days or 45 days..

Alex
Guest
What if my exgirlfriend does not contact me after the no contact period is up? I feel like she is too ashamed and guilty to message me. But at the same time I feel like she may also be happy to be done with me because the first time she broke up with me she said she wanted to be alone. And by this I feel like she secretly meant she was unsure about her feelings for someone else. Or maybe just wanted to be single so she could sleep around guilt free. I did not know anything about her… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

hi Alex,

to be honest, if she doesn’t want to apologize right now or is too guilty about it, that means you have to intitiate contact first without talking about that right away
coz if she feels she is cornered or pressured to apologize, she won’t do it.. but if you build rapport first and then you get to meet up, tell that calmly..so that her apology will be genuine

Santana
Guest
Hi good morning, My ex-girlfriend of 5 years cheated on me with the superintendent of my building and I found out through her phone. Obviously, I got upset and broke it off and kicked her out of the house. She told me the reason why she cheated was because she was never inlove with me anymore and had desires to be sexually active with other men. I am a woman also and I was a very good girlfriend to her although towards the end I also did not have any desires of being in the relationship because I was tired… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

HI Santana,

The most important aspect of nc is that you improve yourself.. if you haven’t done that, you should restart the count because nc will not have the utmost effect if you didn’t improve yourself.. Let her bday go.. she has to feel you’re not chasing her anymore. So that’s ok that you didn’t greet her.

Jim
Guest
My question is what if your ex gf never apologizes to you once the no contact period is over. Should I wait to see if she tells me happy birthday a month from now? What else could I do? She broke up with me two months ago,but a month later we got back together because it seemed like she wanted me back. I found Bob in her bed, however, one morning. He told me they had slept together weeks ago (which is when me and her were no longer together) and that the night before ( when we were now… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

hi jim

if she’s not sorry for her actions it depensson you if you can accept her that way

James
Guest
First things first I want to thank you for creating such a useful and accessible website! I’ve had a lot of insight after reading some of your articles so far. Anyway, my ex and I broke up about 2 weeks ago due to her “losing feelings” and a few days after she got very emotional, saying how I was the only one she ever wants to love blah blah. Halfway through this convo she tells me that the only way we’d ever have a chance again is if she could tell me something, which was that she cheated on me… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi james,

if it’s something you can’t move on from, talk to her first

Korey
Guest
My gf of 6 years cheated on me because I was going through a depression for a year. I lost my good paying job and she was supporting me. I felt like a pile of crap and she tried to bring me out of it but I was so caught up in everything that I pushed her away. She would come out of the shower and sit on my lap and I would say I’m not in the mood. I never said thank you for anything she did for me. And I made her feel as bad as I did.… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Korey,

I actually answered your previous comment, I’ll just paste it here
Hi Korey,

now is the best time to imprive yourself and get your life back together because it would all be your effort.. you won’t feel indebted to her.. do that first and then reach out to her as a friend at first and then slowly rebuild rapport

Arbi
Guest
Hey, I have been in a 6 years relationship, in which the last 3 years where in log distance, before past 4 months we used to meet every month , but after that i got busy with an office project and couldnt give her time , Recently she jst told me that she dosent love me anymore and is out of it . after digging a lot i got to know from her that she was cheating on me , though she says she dosent loves him but she wants to go out of this relationship with me. I want… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi arbi,

when did you break up? are in you in active nc now?

Dan
Guest

I would love to hear how this ended up. I am in the same situation. We just lost our connection over a busy period in our life and the other guy was there for her emotionally and physically. After 7 years…

Alex
Guest
Dear EGR, On May 27, my girlfriend of 1 year and 3 months wanted to put me on break because of my screaming. She then put me on break and later that night she called me and texted me saying how she messed up and everything. I decided to ignore it since it was so late at night I tend to just not become obsessive over the situation because I knew she wanted me back after sending those messages saying she’s really sorry and that she messed up. The next day I discussed my yelling to her. We clarified everything… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Alex

sorry for the late reply.. you need to start improving yourself, that’s the essence of no contact.. if you haven’t done that then you should restart count and I think you should just do 30 days.. If it’s a grass is greener syndrome, and if you’re right that the guy is a player, she’ll regret her choice of leaving you for him.. but while they’re in the honeymoon phase, improve yourself so once she sees you again she won’t help but miss you because of your improvements and more once they start to have problems

Tayyab
Guest

bro…dont worry….i too faced a similar situation…The best solution is ignore ur girl friend and starting njoying with ur best friends…

ledz
Guest
i have a big problem and i really need help…. i ve been with my girlfriend for almost 7 years when she suddenly started to become cold and different …i realized something was wrong and after searching and trying to figure out what was happening i found out that she was cheating on me for about 1 and a half month. the thing is that she also lied to the other guy saying that we had broke up …. and she wasnt with him for the sex. she gave him keys from her house she even bought him presents for… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Ledz,

have you talked to her or to your parents again for a solution?