How To Make Your Ex Girlfriend Sexually Attracted To You

So you want to make your ex girlfriend more sexually attracted to you, eh.

I am sure that you have probably read a lot of articles before stumbling across this gem.

(Do you like how I am already bragging about myself?)

Oh…

How rude of me.

I haven’t even introduced myself.

My name is Chris Seiter,

chris seiter

And I am what you would call a “Sexually Attractive Man” 😉 .

Ya…

Lets take a moment to let that sink in.

(Taking Moment…)

(Moment Taken…)

All kidding aside I am a professional relationship consultant who specializes in not only keeping couples together but helping them get back together as well. So, when I tell you that I know how to make you more sexually attractive to your ex girlfriend you will know that I know what I am talking about.

I suppose the best way to start this article isn’t by talking about the things that you can do to become more sexually attractive to your ex girlfriend but by talking about the current state of affairs. In other words, talking about the way things are now.

The Way Your Ex Girlfriend Sees You Now

What is a simple way of teaching you this?

Hmm…

Oh, I got it!

Here is how you want your ex girlfriend to see you,

Now, obviously your ex girlfriend doesn’t see you that way.

Instead, the way she sees you right now probably looks more like this,

demon

And therein lies our problem.

I can’t tell you how many times I have run across a guy who comes up to me and asks,

Chris what can I do to make my ex girlfriend sexually attracted to me again? Just give me a list of things I can do right now and I will do them.

Our society is obsessed with shortcuts and getting to things in the quickest way possible and what often happens when you rush things that shouldn’t be rushed?

YOU MAKE MISTAKES..

(But more on that in a second.)

First I’d like to throw a fun fact out there for you. Did you know that the human attention span only stands at a little above eight seconds?

That’s pathetic…

A goldfish…

A freaking goldfish…

goldfish

Has a higher attention span than we do.

(It’s 9 seconds in case you were wondering.)

To be honest I have no idea why I went on that little “sch-peel.” Maybe I just wanted to prove to you that I know stuff like that….

Oh wait…

Nope… I just told you that goldfish thing to re-iterate the fact that when you rush things YOU MAKE MISTAKES!!!

Getting an ex girlfriend to become sexually attracted to you again isn’t a matter of me just listing off the qualities that you need to exhibit in order to make it happen. Your missing the boat big time if that’s all your after.

(Which in the quote above that was what that guy who was asking me a question was after.)

Besides, your only winning half the battle if you do that.

The other half the battle is overcoming your ex girlfriends view of you right now.

So…

two battles

I mean, there is no way that any woman is going to find you attractive if she thinks you are the devil which your ex girlfriend clearly does.

Why?

Because of the breakup.

Now, I don’t want to get too graphic here but breakups tend to bring out the worst in human beings and in my experience even in those breakups that were “mutual” there is always someone who is a little more resentful.

It’s hard when you invest time into a relationship and it doesn’t pan out.

I mean, look at you.

You are clearly hurting due to the breakup with your ex girlfriend. If you weren’t then I can guarantee you that you wouldn’t be here. You’d probably be off trying to get a new girlfriend or something like that.

Anyways, I am getting off topic again.

My point in showing you the graphic above is that I am basically going to divide this entire article into two sections.

Battle One

&

Battle Two

But before I start getting into the nitty gritty there, there is something that I want to discuss with you.

Sexual Attraction Vs. Regular Attraction

sexual attraction

What is this article entitled?

“How To Make Your Ex Girlfriend Sexually Attracted To You,” right?

This isn’t an article about how to make your ex girlfriend more “regular” attracted to you.

And yes… there is a difference.

A big one.

(Fun Fact: I already wrote an article about how to make your ex girlfriend more attracted to you.)

The big difference between regular attraction and sexual attraction is that word…

It’s one word…

Kind of a big deal…

Kind of the reason for our existence.

Starts with an “S” and ends with an “exual.”

Yup, when you pit sexual attraction versus regular attraction there are a few noticeable differences.

Lets start with regular attraction.

Regular Attraction

I just realized that this is going to be hard to explain to a guy because we aren’t really wired this way.

I suppose I will just give you the example I was going to use (even though I know it’s not going to click for you but lets wing it and see what happens.)

Imagine that you are sitting at a coffee shop all by your lonesome and you see a really pretty girl walk in and you are immediately drawn to her. In fact, you are drawn to her so much that you start fantasizing about her.

pretty

NOTHING SEXUAL.

Just nice little fantasies about the two of you running through a field of flowers holding hands…

flowers

You know, regular stuff.

Well, this is what I would classify as regular attraction.

Now, I know that this is probably going to be hard for you to wrap your mind around because as men we are a lot more sexual in nature. In fact, more of our fantasies revolve around “playfully tackling” that woman who you are running through the field of flowers with and making sweet, sweet love to her ALL NIGHT LONG…

all night long

I’m sorry… I couldn’t resist.

Anyways, having a fantasy like that (about sex) fall into the “sexual attraction” category.

Sexual Attraction

sexy meme

This is the kind of attraction that I am going to be writing about in this article.

Basically the premise of sexual attraction revolves around making your ex girlfriend want to have sex with you.

In other words, whenever she has a fantasy she skips that lovey dovey crap and gets right down to the nasty…

AKA: Sex

Sounds pretty good to you, right?

Well, lets not get too excited yet.

Sexual attraction is the hardest type of attraction to achieve.

I mean, regular attraction is simple to accomplish when compared to sexual attraction.

SA (sexual attraction) is challenging to achieve because of a few of reasons.

Reason #1- You are her ex and she already knows everything about you “in that way.”

Reason #2- Slut shaming

Now, I am going to talk a lot about your ex girlfriend already knowing everything about you “in that way” when it comes to the “overcoming your ex girlfriends view of you” section below. So, to save you from hearing me re-iterate point after point lets just skip to the slut shaming.

Slut Shaming

Have you ever looked up the actual definition of “slut shaming?”

It’s quite interesting.

I got this definition from a website called greekfeminisim.wikia.com,

Slut shaming- is the act of criticizing a woman for her real or presumed sexual activity, or for behaving in ways that someone thinks are associated with her real or presumed sexual activity.

A couple of things I want you to note here.

Presumed

That word is important because it means that even if something is not a reality but if it is presumed as a reality then you can be slut shamed.

Ok, lets pretend that a girl has a “reputation” as being a bit more sexual than her counterparts.

Lets also say that she met a guy who she really liked but because of her reputation everyone assumes that she had sex with that guy when the fact is that she didn’t. As a result of this presumption everyone looks down on her and gives her this look,

disgusted

No woman wants this look.

Women like to be regarded as beautiful, sophisticated creatures not “easy ones.”

Now, how does slut shaming matter when it comes to you?

Ah, I am glad you asked.

Have you ever noticed that there is a negative connotation around people who want to get back with their exes?

I am sure you have heard it before.

“Why would you want an ex back?”

“There are plenty of fish in the sea. Don’t get your line caught on one.”

“Ah, you are better off without him/her.”

Well, women are a bit different than us guys. They like to talk to other people about their problems.

Men don’t…

I mean, if you are anything like me then you don’t like involving other people in your problems. You like to take care of business yourself.

Women share and men don’t…

Well, the fact that women do share their feelings with other people means they get more feedback. So, they are more likely to hear the famous lines I delivered above. You know, “there’s plenty of fish in the sea,” and things like that. As a result, they already have preconceived notions about getting back with you.

In other words, they are going to get “ex boyfriend shamed.”

Even if she did want you back she knows her decision will not be looked upon very favorably by others and she will be berated for it. This scares her.

Then when you add in the fact that slut shaming exists and if she were to sleep with you she would not only be slut shamed but ex boyfriend shamed as well.

You have a double whammy of badness right there.

Do you see all of the things you have working against you?

This isn’t going to be an easy task.

BUT I am going to do everything in my power to help you and I suppose the best way to start is by talking about how you can overcome the way your ex girlfriend views you right now.

Overcoming How Your Ex Girlfriend Sees You Right Now

Above I mentioned that your ex girlfriend views you as the devil.

Remember?

demon

If you want your ex girlfriend to be sexually attracted to you then you are going to have to overcoming this devil persona.

Besides no one wants to sleep with the devil.

Well, maybe that’s not true but no one wants to sleep with THAT devil.

So, the question now becomes,

How…

How can you overcome your ex girlfriends view of you right now?

Well, I have developed a three step game plan to accomplish the goal.

changing a mind

Those three steps are,

  1. No Contact
  2. Opposite Day
  3. Self Affirmation Conditioning

Lets start with no contact.

The No Contact Rule

no contact

There is nothing too out of the ordinary here.

I recommend the no contact rule in almost all my articles and even in my two e-books (EGR PRO & The Texting Bible.)

But it’s especially important here.

Why?

Because not only is it going to go a long ways for changing your ex girlfriends view of you but it is also going to give you the necessary time to learn the proper way to build sexual attraction with an ex (but more on that later.)

The no contact rule is actually a very simple idea but don’t let that fool you. Just because it’s simple doesn’t mean that it’s going to be easy to pull off. In fact, I would say that the no contact rule only has a 20% completion rate.

You know what that means, right?

It means that 80% of the men who try the no contact rule end up failing.

So, lets say that I tell you to do a 21 day no contact rule.

That means that for 21 days you can’t talk to your ex girlfriend in any way shape or form.

If she texts you then you ignore it…

If she calls you then you ignore the call…

If she shows up to your house in person and catches you off guard… Well, you don’t act like an asshole and blow her off. You just keep the conversation nice and light and cut it short as soon as you have an opening. But even I will admit that having an ex girlfriend show up at your house because you are ignoring her is rare.

Most men can’t do all of this stuff.

Most men break the first time their exes contact them.

That’s a fact.

Don’t let the simple idea of the no contact rule fool you. It’s going to be hard BUT if you want her to change the way she looks at you it needs to be done.

Lets move on and talk about something I like to call, “opposite day.”

Opposite Day

opposite day

Albert Einstein once said,

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

It’s literally insane of you to think that by acting the same way towards your ex girlfriend that she is going to have a different view of you.

Hmm…

What’s a good way that I can explain this?

Ah, I got it.

Lets say that one of the prime reasons that your ex girlfriend broke up with you is due to the fact that you were a little overly needy and desperate.

As I say in my book, you were a GNAT to her.

In other words, instead of viewing you as her loving, caring boyfriend she looks at you as a guy who just won’t shut up and leave her alone.

Well, when it comes to building sexual attraction and changing her view of you what makes you think that you can be the same ole desperate/needy guy?

YOU CAN’T!

Instead, you are going to have to undergo a significant change in the way you approach your ex girlfriend.

What is this significant change?

It’s the “opposite day mindset.”

As a kid I am sure you have heard that crazy little game,

“Opposite day”

Where everything is basically the opposite of what you say.

When you say yes… you really mean no.

When you say hi… you really mean bye.

Well, I want you to employ the same type of mindset to the way you act with your ex.

Look, you are in the predicament you are currently in because of the way you acted in the past so lets do the exact opposite of what you did.

Now, this begs an interesting question. Should you do the exact opposite of everything?

NO. I think you have to be selective with this.

For example, if you are doing the no contact rule and your ex girlfriend calls you and leaves a voicemail that she wants you back and your first instinct is to call her back should you do the opposite of that? Absolutely not. The whole point of everything we are doing is to ultimately get her back.

Don’t be stupid.

Just play the “opposite game” on things that make sense. Like if your instinct tells you to comfort her when you know that, that isn’t going to help you get her back at all.

You shouldn’t comfort her.

What if your instinct is telling you to reach out to her during the no contact rule and she hasn’t given you any huge signs like leaving a voicemail about wanting you back.

Well, DON’T reach out to her. There is actually a perfect way that I can sum this entire section up for you.

If your goal is to change your ex girlfriends view on you then the only way to do that is to zig when she expects you to zag. It’s really that simple.

Self Affirmation Conditioning

good boy

When I was researching for this article I ended up stumbling across an idea that psychologists believe is essential for changing someones mind.

Care to take a guess at what that idea is?

Well…

It’s really no fair because I gave you the answer in the freaking section title.

Yup, it’s “self affirmation conditioning.”

Here is the gist of the theory,

People who feel good about themselves are more likely to be open minded

Psychologists did studies on what factors changed someones mind about something and they found that SAC (self affirmation conditioning) was a key factor. In fact, they found that before you try to change someones mind about something if you ask them to remember something that gave them a positive view of themselves they would be more susceptible to changing their opinions on something.

In fact, I found a very interesting article from Psychology Today citing a study that proved this theory.

Back in 2008 psychologist gathered two groups of Republicans who had strong views about keeping troops overseas in Iraq to fight in the war,

affirmation study

Both groups were then shown statistics on how having troops stationed in Iraq actually lowered violence there.

In other words, they were both shown something that would further re-enforce their current beliefs.

affirmation study copy

However, only one group of republicans was asked to perform a self affirmation conditioning activity.

To be specific…

They were asked to remember a time that they felt good about themselves because they lived up to a moral value that they held.

affirmation study copy

Out of these two groups which do you think had more people changing their minds?

Yup, the group that performed the self affirmation activity.

You see, the group that performed the self affirmation activity reasoned that since the troops overseas had succeeded in lowering violence in Iraq they could now pull out. However, the group that did not perform the SAA (self affirmation activity) remained pretty adamant about keep the troops overseas.

So, what does any of this have to do with your ex girlfriend?

Well, our ultimate goal here is to change her mind about you right?

To change her entire view of you.

Well, according to the study performed by psychologists above the best way to do that is to get your ex girlfriend feeling good about herself.

The mistake a lot of people make when it comes to self affirmation is that they think they can be a catalyst for a woman feeling good. It doesn’t work that way.

In case you didn’t notice, it’s called SELF affirmation.

Meaning that YOU can’t do any of the work. Your ex girlfriend has to do it all.

What you can do is ask her the right type of questions that will lead her into doing a self affirming exercise. Once she has done a self affirming exercise then that’s when you can do something to try to change her mind about you.

So, here is a brief overview of how it works.

Step One: You Ask Your Ex Girlfriend A Question That Leads To Her Self Affirming

The question needs to make her think of herself in a positive light.

Here is an example,

“Hey, tell me about the best day of your life?”

or

“What would you say your biggest accomplishment in life is so far?”

Step Two: Do Something To Re-Enforce That Your Ex Girlfriend Has The Wrong View Of You

Opposite day theory is coming to mind here.

Not much more I can say on this…

Lets move on to the real reason you are here, building sexual attraction.

How To Make Your Ex Girlfriend Sexually Attracted To You

sexy

What makes a woman want to have sex with a man?

It’s an interesting question for us guys since women are a mystery to most of us.

In my research I learned some things…

And let me tell you what I learned is pretty awesome!

Making your ex girlfriend sexually attracted to you really only boils down to four things.

Yup, four things!

Sounds too good to be true, right?

Well, I am not bullshitting you.

Once you master these four things you can potentially make your ex girlfriend want to sleep with you.

BUT

(You knew a “but” was coming didn’t you?)

Mastering them is extremely difficult.

Alright… enough chit chat.

Lets get down to business.

What are these mythical four things I keep talking about?

affirmation study

Humans possess fundamental psychological needs that need to be met.

If we do not meet these basic needs then we will suffer and can even end up dying.

For example, you have a need to eat food and drink water, right?

What happens if you do not meet this need?

You will actually starve to death.

Well, when the conversation turns to sex you should know that humans have four fundamental needs.

In other words, humans (including your ex girlfriend) have sex for four different reasons,

  1. Security
  2. Self Esteem
  3. Autonomy
  4. Connection

So, building sexual attraction in your ex girlfriend is simply a matter of hitting on these four fundamental needs.

Ah, but here is where things get a bit more complicated.

Women place a different emphasis on each of these fundamental needs.

For example, some women may place more emphasis on security as opposed to autonomy.

Heck, they may place more of an emphasis on connection as opposed to self esteem.

So, here is what I would like to do. I would like to assign a percentage value to each of these four fundamental sexual needs when talking about them so I can give you an idea of what you probably should focus more of your time on.

What is this percentage value based on?

Well, my own opinion of course!

Lets begin with security!

Security (35%)

security

When you look at history as a whole a woman’s best route to a future with a family was to marry a successful man.

(Sorry ladies it’s the truth.)

Why is this though?

Why do women need to rely on men so much.

Well, lets go back to the caveman times.

Lets say that you are a woman and you are in a world that is truly survival of the fittest.

There are rival caveman tribes that want to kill you…

caveman fights

The human race hasn’t evolved very much so we aren’t as smart as we are now…

dumb caveman

You aren’t very strong so that prevents you from hunting as good as the men…

woman strength

You aren’t able to have a say in much that happens since the men are in charge…

im in charge

What do you do?

How do you survive in a situation like that?

Well, it looks like your only option is to use sex as a way to guarantee your security.

The thinking goes like this,

caveman love

Now, obviously today things are a bit different but when you get to the core of human relationships this need for security does still exist in women. So, even though women have made tremendous strides in equality when you look at our races from an evolutionary perspective women and men need each other.

Women are the yin to our yang.

So, even though things have changed a lot today this idea for security still exists and while I am sure no woman wants to be totally reliant on a man I think that men and women will always need each other.

And this brings us to your ex girlfriend.

Let me ask you a question.

If you were to put yourself in your ex girlfriends shoes do you honestly think that she is going to look at you and think,

“Wow, now I can really see a secure future with that guy!”

No way!

The two of you just broke up.

In fact, I would go as far as even saying that you are her least secure option.

How do you remedy this?

Well, unfortunately the only way to remedy this is to actually get her back.

Not a lot of actionable stuff I can give you right now other than check out my strategies and start implementing those.

Self Esteem (15%)

esteem

Do you remember my little section on “slut shaming” above?

Well, when you look at the history of sex and women it turns out that women have an inverse relationship with sex and their need for esteem.

I mean, society often suppresses a woman’s sexuality.

Hmm…

Maybe I am not explaining this the right way.

Ok, lets start at the beginning.

Self Esteem is defined as,

Confidence in ones own worth or abilities

For example, if you were to ask me how to get an ex girlfriend back I have enough self esteem to say that I am one of the best people online that you could ask. However, if you were to ask me to explain rocket science to you I don’t have any self esteem about that.

So, that’s self esteem.

Now, above I mentioned that women are often “slut shamed” or suppressed when it comes to their sexuality.

In other words, they are often put down for being candid about their sex lives. Hell, some religions even put them to death for having extramarital affairs.

As a result of all of this suppression they don’t look to sex to get more self esteem. Instead, they look elsewhere.

This may be tough for you to wrap your mind around as a man (hey I am one I get it) since you probably do gain a sense of self worth or “confidence” when you have sex with a woman.

Anyways, the point of me telling you this isn’t to tell you NOT to focus on hitting on your ex girlfriends self esteem it’s to explain why self esteem is only rated at a 15%.

Autonomy (15%)

autonomy

What does this mean?

Autonomy…

It’s one of those words that you hear all the time but when push comes to shove you can’t quite define it when asked point blank.

Now, by admitting this I may lose all my “cool cred” but whatever.

I would rather be transparent with you than be fake.

When I first did research on our four fundamental sexual needs I mistook autonomy for automatic. In other words, I mistook it for a man or woman wanting to have sex over and over again.

Ya…

That’s not what autonomy is…

Feel free to slap me upside the head now!

Here is what autonomy really means,

Freedom from external control or influence; independence

This actually makes a lot of sense when you consider what I just taught you about self esteem and the suppression of a woman’s sexuality.

Imagine that you are a woman and you are in jail.

Dark Knight Rises

(I totally took that picture from The Dark Knight Rises. Don’t you love that movie?)

Anyways, now lets pretend that “jail” actually is meant to represent the suppression from society that women experience when it comes to their sexuality.

Dark Knight Rises

Wouldn’t it feel incredible to add a bit of autonomy to the mix?

Wouldn’t it feel great to not be judged or care about being judged when it comes to having sex?

Women crave independence.

Well, autonomy is like a woman breaking out of jail.

And sex is a great tool for that.

They feel like they are rebelling.

Like they are doing what they want to do as opposed to what is expected of them.

Someone women can have sex just on that basis.

But again, I would have to say that’s a rarity since autonomy only is about 15% of the equation.

In fact, it pails in comparison to our final fundamental need.

Connection (35%)

connection

Think about everything I have taught you so far when it comes to the four fundamental needs.

I taught you about a need for security…

I taught you about how society causes women to look elsewhere for self esteem instead of sex…

Oh, and who can forget the jail analogy with autonomy…

I want to go back to the self esteem section a bit and talk about the suppression part one more time. So, as a woman you have society suppressing your sexuality so much that you don’t really feel the need to use it for self esteem. Instead, you are much more likely to use sex as a way to seek out a connection.

I don’t know who to blame this need for a connection on…

As much as I’d like to trot Disney out here and blame them for this idea of a connection the truth is that humans are just wired for emotional attachment.

It’s just the way we are.

Lets look at the story of an average human life.

A human is born to two parents who love the human more than anything.

They look after it…

Teach it…

LOVE it…

And as a result of all of this the human feels an emotional connection back.

Day after day…

Month after month…

Year after year…

This emotional connection grows stronger and stronger and becomes re-enforced until eventually that human is old enough to find it’s own mate.

All of this love and emotional attachment that the human felt from and for it’s parents it is going to seek out in a mate.

Now, lets pretend that your ex girlfriend is the human I am talking about.

That means that from the moment she was born her parents had a connection to her and her to them.

After years or re-enforcement from the family unit she cultivated her own idea of what a strong connection looks like until it was her turn to look for a partner.

Now, lets say that she finds a potential partner (you.)

Well, she isn’t going to sleep with you until she is sure that you can touch on the connection that she built up in her mind after years of seeing and feeling from her parents.

So, I guess I am blaming your ex girlfriends parents for her need of a connection!

		

Written by EGR team mate

Chris Seiter

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35 Comments on "How To Make Your Ex Girlfriend Sexually Attracted To You"

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Andrew
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Hello Chris, I was best friends with a girl for about 6 months. We ended up dating because we saw a future but now she said she can’t be in a relationship right now and this was after about 2 weeks of dating. She also did break up with her ex in August and she said she wants to feel what it is like to be single. We also had weak sex before the split and I asked her if that was what caused her to split but she said that honestly was not it. It was me being a… Read more »
Andrew
Guest

We have the same social circle and that is why I can’t avoid her and next week we are going to Montreal for New Years so I am not sure what to do. We are not no bad terms at all and the split was not harsh at all so i do not know if it is necessary to apply no contact but at the same time it might make her think I am less needy?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Andrew,

You have to avoid being in a group with her after New Year so you can do nc.. if you want to see your other friends, set a different meeting with your closest friends.

Chris Anderson
Guest

Well… what can one do about autonomy? How does all that written theory relates to what one can do about it?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

it just means it’s being free to do what I want when I want it.. as a woman, if autonomy is my reason, one of the criterias I would look for is if you’re hot or are you interesting or a pleasure to sleep with?

Pat Gann
Guest
My ex left a little over 3 months ago. she hooked up with an ex shortly after. they had been back and fourth for years. she says they love each other. He has money, and treats her good. At least as far as I can tell. We were together for a year. Lived together for 4 months only after 6 months together. I freaked out and shut down . I did 3 weeks of nc. We do talk. Had drinks together last week. She said that even though her bf knew about it , she still felt like she was… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Pat,

in a way it is but are you still improving yourself? how long have you been buildīng rapport!
?

Dionte
Guest
Hey Chris, My situation is kinda of an odd one. Me and my ex broke up the week before New Years. Immediately I went on the no contact rule. It last about 21 days. Over that time she would text and I was unavailable. We share a cellphone so we had to speak eventually. On day 21 she began to call more and even told me she had a dream about me. I’ve been reading your guide here and it seems to have so effect. Probably could be more successful had it been different terms on the breakup. We broke… Read more »
Dionte
Guest

In all honesty it might have been 14 days nc

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Dionte,

Did you mean after you asked her and her son to the movie, she doesn’t want to talk anymore or she just said she doesn’t want you spending money on her?

Joe Wolfe
Guest
Chris im a mess I lost my girlfriend cause she thought I was still wanting my old friend who is a girl .we’ve been friends for over 6 years an that is all .I tried explaining to my new girlfriend that this was all nothing more an as God is my witness it true , but she said I still had things in her house an why haven’t I got my stuff out an I explained to her cause I don’t have the money nor the room to be putting it into my place its to small but my ex… Read more »
Timothy
Guest
Chris, I hope you can give me some help. My ex is on the East Coast, I’m in the Rockies. She’s dating a new guy and they’ve been off and on for 5 months. I recently got her talking to me again, but I can’t get past small talk. I just bought your Texting Bible (I’ve had EGRP since July, and will finish it before I contact her again. She recently asked me for help with getting her insulin. I don’t get why she’s publishing how much she loves this guy on Instagram, but he wasn’t willing to buy it… Read more »
Timothy
Guest
We dated for nearly 3 years. She says she still has a lot of love for me, but doesn’t love me like she used to because of the distance. For about 2 weeks, we were writing regularly, virtually all of the messages were started by her. This weekend, I only got one message on Friday about how thrilled she was for her first good Thanksgiving (I was travelling with the military on both of our last two Thanksgivings). I’d really like to fix this, my unit (if you email me I’ll tell you more) had a shortage of personnel and… Read more »
Timothy
Guest
One other note: Her BF obviously doesn’t treat her well, but he is able to show her the two love languages that she speaks. Quality of Time and Touch. I could do both, if I can get here to come here. I invited her to come for Thanksgiving, and instead of saying, “I have a BF and am not interested.” She said, I really do need that break, but I’m working 6 days a week 11.5-12 hours a day to make ends meet. I can’t risk losing my job to go see you.” When I offered it for Christmas she… Read more »
Timothy
Guest
We started dating in 2013, but 2014 and 2015 were just really bad years for my unit and I saw her once in 2014 and then in 2015 it became a mess again. I will be transitioning to the NG soon. She is in NJ and I’m in the Rockies. So we fixed all the rough patches around Christmas of last year, but then in January, I was given less than weeks notice I was going to Africa for a mission. I ended up with a bad injury and came back in March. We had planned on seeing each other… Read more »
Timothy
Guest

And I get it, I probably shouldn’t have gotten her the insulin, but she had gone into diabetic shock and was lucky to be found by her roommate’s BF and revived.

My morality wouldn’t allow me to risk her dying for some alpha/”high value” act of refusing to buy insulin.

Lee
Guest
Hi Chris, So broke up with my ex-girlfriend 6 weeks ago, it was more of a mutual break up. I felt ok but after 10 days I got back in touch with my feelings for her and have been on a rollercoaster ride since. She’s seeing a new guy now and has even told me about their sex life (that hurts like hell). We’ve been in contact on and off since. Some of the things she’s said and done are really spiteful, all I have done is sat back to clear my head. I haven’t seen other girls yet as… Read more »
Lee
Guest

Because she did bring so much joy to my life and we have so much in common. Obviously things are in tatters at the moment and she is now in a relationship with the guy. I let the slight bad things get in the way, maybe it is the old cliche “once she’s gone you realise what you had”. But I do want her back and show her that I have changed for the better. I wasn’t abusive and I wasn’t boring, I just think we both got a bit comfortable.

Lee
Guest

We were in NC for 3 weeks. We’ve slowly began to talk in the last week (she even tried calling/messaging me when she was drunk, I ignored it) she agreed to meet up for dinner. She’s said to me she’s thinking of me all the time and that she will always love me, even though she is with this new guy.

Going to play it cool, not talk about the new guy, and show confidence in myself. I’ll let her decide after what she wants, may have to be patient as i know it won’t happen straight away.

Lee
Guest

Yeah I said maybe meet up for a drink and she suggested dinner too. Apparently the new guy doesn’t mind. As I said not going into it with any expectations but if I can come out of it in a positive position, I’ll let her figure it out.

Lee
Guest

Update: So she changed plans with dinner and we ended up going for a coffee. We tried to keep it light hearted and fun but she got onto the break up subject. Things got a little emotional and ended up hugging it out. A week on and I’m now blocked on everything. Guess she’s trying her best to forget about me.. Time to give up? (kills me even typing that)

Rudi
Guest
hi Chis! I have made the NC, and make some improvement. I used the text method, you suggested, its really effective, but sometimes I have weird feelings. We are in a “deep” conversation on text, and suddenly she just disapper. -we use to text a lot when we were together- It’s not the first time, whe she does it, and I dont know, if I should ask that why she is doing it. She next day write something sorry for disapperaing and than some execuse, but i rather found it bullshit. Why are she doing it? In the last texting… Read more »
Rudi
Guest

is it a good idea, if i write to her, that dont play with me or something like that write me if she is ready for not disappering in the middle of the conversation?

Bob
Guest
Hey Chris! I love your site but I have to ask for your advice on something! Ok so me and my ex had a pretty good relationship but we ended up breaking up in May because she felt like she wasn’t herself anymore and that our relationship was changing. I used to try and communicate w her but she like neglected me up until I started ignoring her then that’s when she wanted to contact me back… At that time we were getting better in our relationship throughout the entire summer up until the school year started! She started getting… Read more »