It’s funny, I spend so much of my time helping men reconnect with their exes on this site that I sometimes overlook some of the most basic questions that they are wondering.
Today I got an interesting comment that got me thinking.
What was the comment?
I don’t remember the exact wording of it but the gist went like this,
“Chris my ex broke up with me blah, blah, blah, blah, blah… (Insert sad story) blah, blah, blah blah blah… Based on everything I said do you think I have a chance?”
I hear a form of this question on pretty much a daily basis.
You will notice that I bolded the important part of the question.
Do you think I have a chance?
It’s normal for a man to wonder how much of a shot he has with his ex girlfriend. After all, time is the most valuable asset that any human being has and it would be a shame to waste that asset on a situation where there is no hope.
But if I have heard the question above so much what was it about that particular one that made an impact?
Truthfully it’s not the question that made an impact.
Like I said, I have heard that question a lot throughout my tenure here at Ex Girlfriend Recovery.
THAT’S what made this question stand out for me. I had finally hit a point where I thought to myself,
“You know what? Maybe I should write something about the other side of the coin. I should write about when a man should give up his quest to win his ex girlfriend back.”
So, here we are.
This is my gift to you. If you are sitting there wondering if your situation is helpless or if its just going to be a waste of time this guide will be able to answer that for you.
How This Page Works
I decided that the best way to format this page is to do it in checklist format.
You are aware of what checklist format looks like, right?
Basically the way it works is I list off a bunch of reasons or things that your ex girlfriend can do that will give you an indication she is over you.
Much like… A CHECKLIST!
Still having trouble understanding?
Ok, lets say that are three types of behaviors that your ex girlfriend will exhibit to show you that she isn’t interested in you anymore. Essentially these behaviors serve as indicators to show you that maybe its time for you to move on.
Well, what I am going to do with this page is list those behaviors one by one and give an in-depth explanation of each of them.
So, it would look something like this,
Get it now?
Basically this page is meant to be a reference guide for you to look at to gauge your chances with your ex. So, if you find that your ex is engaging in all the behaviors I list below then it may be time for you to move on. However, it works both ways. If you find that your ex is not engaging in any of the behaviors below then that may be an indicator that your chances with your ex girlfriend are really good.
In other words, FULL STEAM AHEAD!
Lets get to our first behavior.
Behavior One- Your Ex Girlfriend Ignores Every Text Message You Send Her
Lets pretend that after your breakup with your ex girlfriend you decide to implement a few of the texting strategies found here.
You are super pumped about it because that guide is the best one you have ever found… EVER.
(I need my ego stroked by myself every once in a while so bear with me.)
So, you follow the advice there and start preparing a killer text message.
“There is no way she is going to ignore this” you think to yourself.
So, you send it,
Now, after you send this bad boy you sit back in your chair and are pretty proud of yourself.
You have gone online, found the right advice and implemented it.
Unfortunately an hour goes by and you haven’t gotten the response you were hoping for. In fact, you haven’t gotten a response at all.
“It’s ok, I would be crazy to think that everything is going to go my way 100% of the time” you think to yourself.
So, what do you do at this point?
You send your ex girlfriend another text.
This time you try a different tactic,
It’s a relatively simple text so why shouldn’t she respond to it?
Unfortunately she doesn’t.
In fact, you end up sending her three more text messages trying everything in your power to get her to respond to you but no matter what you do she simply ignores you.
This is not a good sign.
Look, I am very realistic when it comes to getting an ex girlfriend back. Not everything is going to go your way 100% of the time but if your ex girlfriend ignores 100% of your attempts to reach out to her or to make amends that means that in her mind she is ready to move on from you which really hinders your chances for winning her back.
The % Outlook If Your Ex Girlfriend Ignores All Of Your Texts
Not all of your ex girlfriends negative behaviors are created equal.
To illustrate this point I have decided to do something unique in addition to the behaviors that I am going to be teaching you about today.
What is the unique thing I am going to be doing?
Simple, I am going to assign a percentage based on how much she is willing to get over you. For example, if I assign a 100% value to a situation it means that your ex girlfriend is 100% over you.
In other words, the lower the percentage value the better it is for you.
Anyways, enough of this set up lets talk about the outlook for a situation where your ex girlfriend is ignoring your text messages.
I thought a lot about this and I have decided to assign this situation with a 75% “getting over you” value.
In other words, there is a 75% chance that you will fail to get your ex girlfriend back in this particular situation.
Behavior Two- She Seems Uninterested When You Text Her Her
Honestly this is kind of like an extension of behavior one.
Ok, imagine that instead of your ex girlfriend completely ignoring you every time you text her she actually responds to you. However, the responses aren’t very involved. In fact, many times they are one word responses.
Now, for those of you who are new to this site I suggest you read this entire article about my rules on text messaging. Specifically pay attention to the section on word count.
(Your not going to read the article are you?)
Ok, I’ll tell you what.
I will give you a quick crash course.
Ideally when you are starting a texting campaign to get your ex girlfriend back the be all end all isn’t just getting a response from her. No, the be all end all is getting an involved response from her.
Do you understand what that means?
Take a look at the text message and response below,
This is what I like to call an uninvolved text message response.
Basically an uninvolved response occurs when someone responds out of courtesy and doesn’t even really care about the conversation. In fact, in many cases an uninvolved response will be very short when it comes to word count.
In other words, one word text message responses are common.
Now take a look at the text message below,
This is what I like to call an involved response.
Notice the major difference between the uninvolved text message and the involved one?
Notice how the involved one is not only longer but… involved?
These are the types of text message responses that you are looking for when you are talking with your ex. If you aren’t getting these types of responses from your ex there could be trouble in paradise.
Now, I do want to say that sometimes women take a little bit of warming up or “priming” before you can get responses like this. However, I am not talking about that here. I am talking about if you have been trying to talk to your ex girlfriend for months and still get this attitude of bit*hiness and these pathetic one word responses.
If this happens…
Well, lets just move on to the next section to explain that.
The % Outlook If Your Ex Girlfriend Seems Uninterested When You Text Her
What should I assign this one?
Well, I did say at the beginning of this section that I believed this behavior was an extension of behavior one didn’t I?
Do you remember what I gave behavior one?
Well, since this particular behavior is extended in the fact that you actually got your ex to respond to you, albeit she was not very responsive it only makes sense that your ex is not as over you as she was with behavior one.
It is for this reason that I have assigned this one 70%.
In other words, you have only a 30% chance of success in this particular instance.
Behavior Three- Your Ex Girlfriend Says Something Super Mean Or Tells You She Hates You
Have you ever gotten so mad at someone that you said something to them that you didn’t mean?
Speaking from personal experience I have.
I am looking at you my very first girlfriend ever.
Would you like to hear a funny story?
A long long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…
Ok, maybe not that long ago but to me it does kind of feel that way.
When I was 17 I got my very first girlfriend ever. Now, I was very naive to how relationships work.
Especially the jealousy part of relationships.
For example, I remember there was one time I called my girlfriend up to see if she wanted to chat on the phone and she informed me that she was hanging out with a friend…
What was this friends name?
Now, I don’t know about you but I don’t know too many girls named Mitchell. So, I asked her the question that any self respecting man in my position would ask.
“Oh, HE’S just one of my friends…”
Upon hearing this I went berserk and the two of us got into our first fight as a couple.
The relationship went downhill after that and when the inevitable breakup occurred I said as many hurtful things as I possibly could to her.
Because I was an immature idiot that should have handled things better but that was a lifetime ago, remember?
The point I am trying to make here is that half of the things that I said to her I did mean (and think at some point of the relationship) and the other half I just said to hurt her because of how much I was hurting after the breakup.
So, what does it mean if your ex girlfriend follows this behavior by saying really mean things to you or telling you that she hates you.
Does it mean that she is completely over you?
Well, in order to answer that question we should probably take a look at the percentages.
The % Outlook If Your Ex Girlfriend Says Something Super Mean Or Tells You She Hates You
What’s that old phrase?
“If a girl/guy is mean to you it really means they like you.”
I have found that, that is true some of the time.
If we are looking at this situation from a purely percentage standpoint then I would say that there is a 60% chance that your ex girlfriend is over you if she exhibits this behavior.
Because, in my experience it is always worse if an ex girlfriend completely ignores you as opposed to saying mean things to you.
For example, if I was to try to get over someone the way I think would be most effective for me would be to completely cut that person out of my life.
And since I am not some sort of genius a lot of other people have arrived at this conclusion as well.
However, since I am a glass half full kind of guy I would look at things this way.
There is a 40% chance that your ex girlfriend isn’t over you and it is ten times easier to get an ex back who is in to you as opposed to one who isn’t.
Behavior Four- Your Ex Girlfriend Starts Dating Someone Else
My heart goes out to anyone who is in this situation.
Well, I am a married man and I know that it would crush me inside if anything ever happened between me or my wife and I know for a fact that if I saw her dating another man I would probably go crazy.
I would probably stop eating..
Pull out my hair..
Turn really white..
Actually, now that I think about it I would probably turn into Gollum from Lord of The Rings,
Ok, all kidding aside I know it sucks to see your ex girlfriend with another guy but does it mean that she’s over you?
Well, here is where things get really interesting.
I think how much she is over you is dependent on how quickly she moved on or whether or not she is in a rebound relationship.
If you haven’t already read my guide on rebound relationships I highly recommend you do so, so you can properly understand what I classify as a “rebound.”
However, I would like to give you a quick crash course on my theory here.
Lets pretend that your ex girlfriend and you break up after a two year relationship. Well, two weeks later you hear from a friend that she is in a relationship with a guy that she has just met.
Now, my question to you is do you think that is 100% over you yet?
Generally speaking women need more time than two weeks to properly get over a man. This is especially true if they were with the man for over two years.
Of course, the rebound theory works both ways.
Lets say that after dating for two years that your ex girlfriend starts dating a new guy one year after your breakup.
Well, I would say that, that enough time has passed for her to be sufficiently over your relationship.
The % Outlook If Your Ex Girlfriend Starts Dating Someone New
The rebound factor makes the percentage outlook for this situation really tough to nail down.
For example, if indeed your ex girlfriend ends up moving on really quickly after a long intense relationship with you then there is a high probability that she isn’t over you yet. However, if your ex girlfriend moves on to someone new after years apart from you then there is a high probability that she is over you.
Do you see the issue here?
We have two opposing forces working against each other.
So, what I have decided to do is instead of giving you one set percentage number for the entire situation I am going to give you two.
- The percentage if your ex girlfriend appears to be in a rebound relationship
- The percentage if your ex girlfriend isn’t in a rebound relationship
Lets first start with the percentage if your girlfriend is in a rebound relationship.
In this particular instance I would say that you can expect your ex girlfriend to be over you by 50%.
What’s the thinking behind this?
Simple, either she is going to use the rebound relationship to attempt to heal herself and succeed or she is going to use it to heal herself and fail which ultimately means she will come running back to old faithful… YOU!
Now, the percentage of your ex girlfriend being over you if she is dating someone new and is NOT in a rebound relationship is much higher.
I would give it 90%.
Well, to be honest the 10% I spotted you here is only out of the unlikely chance that she gets into a fight with her current boyfriend and starts to rely on you.
However, generally speaking this is one of the hardest situations to win an ex back in so it would make sense that the percentage that she is over you by is quite high.
Behavior Five- She Gets Into A Fight With You Every Time You Talk
Fighting with a significant other is completely normal.
In fact, I think an argument can be made that it is healthy.
Wanna know what’s not healthy?
Fighting with your significant other every single time you talk to one another.
I was in a relationship like that once and the best way I can describe it was that every single time the two of us would open our mouths we would be at each other throats.
I would say or do something that made her mad and she would say or do something that made me mad.
The Result = Endless Amounts Of Fighting
It really was that bad.
Oh, and the best part is that the more we fought the more toxic our relationship would become.
By the end of it I can honestly say that I didn’t like her very much and she didn’t like me very much. However, perhaps the most interesting thing I got out of the experience is that I didn’t like myself very much.
Truthfully I hate getting into fights.
In fact, I remember at one point I ended up fighting with her so much that I turned to help in the most unlikely of places, my father.
Now, the thing you have to understand about me is that I hate asking for help period.
What do I hate even more?
Having to go to my parents to ask for help.
But I did it.
And my father gave me some of the most insightful advice that I think holds true to relationships even today.
You need to look at a relationship like a bank account. Any time something good happens it’s like putting money into the bank account. Any time something bad happens it’s like taking money out of the bank account. Ideally you want to have as much money in the bank account as possible.
So, if we stay in this line of thinking.
If we look at a relationship like a bank account that means that any time you get into a fight with a significant other you are taking money out of that bank account.
What do you think happens when you fight with you SO (significant other) every single day of the relationship?
You are infusing your bank account with all type of negative experiences and as a result you are going to go bankrupt.
Bankruptcy = Breakup
But let’s fast forward to after the inevitable breakup and say that you are trying to win your ex girlfriend back but every time you try anything the two of you get into an argument.
In this case how “over” you do you think she is?
The % Outlook If Your Ex Girlfriend And You Always Get Into Fights
If I am being honest I am kind of split on this one a little bit.
Because everything I have seen tells me that any attention (even negative) is better than no attention. Besides, a woman who cares enough to get into a fight with you must still have some part that cares about you.
However, I have actually been in a situation where I have gotten into a fight pretty much every single time I have talked to an ex and I always fall back on that fact as to why it was easier for me to move on.
For example, whenever I would find myself thinking about my ex I would always think,
“If we were to get back together we would just end up fighting again and I don’t want to put myself in that situation.”
I am a little split on this.
The more I think about it when you consider these two opposing forces (negative attention meaning that she can still care about you, fighting = getting over faster) I think that the fighting ends up trumping the negative attention.
So, I have decided to assign a 70% chance that your ex girlfriend is over you in this case.
I figured that was a fair number since it left enough of a shot (30% to be exact) for a reunion.
Lets move on to our final behavior.
Behavior Six- You Can Never Advance To An “In Person Encounter”
This one might need some explaining.
I want you to take a look at the graphic below,
This graphic represents a very brief simplified look at the main process I teach to men to get their ex girlfriends back.
Now, the bigger better version of this process can be found in my system, Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO below,
Usually I tell men to start with a period of NC. After that I tell them to slowly build attraction through texting and then to transition from texting to phone calls. Once you get your ex girlfriend on the phone your goal is to build attraction there and go on a date or see her in some sort of “in person encounter.”
Again, check out my PRO system for the complete rundown of how the process works.
What I want to talk about now though is that last step of the process.
Any guy can do a period of NC.
Any guy can talk to his ex through text messages.
Heck, most guys can even transition from a text message to a phone call.
Want to know what’s hard to do?
Getting your ex girlfriend to agree to go on a date with you.
I am going to throw out a hypothetical situation here and I want you to listen to what I have to say.
Lets pretend that you go through the process above with your ex girlfriend perfectly.
Lets say that you do your period of no contact.
You build up a ton of attraction through text messages and you even do so over the phone.
In fact, things seem to be going so well that you think it would be a great idea to ask your ex girlfriend out on a date or at the very least a very non threatening cup of coffee.
To your delight she agrees.
“Sweet, everything is going according to plan” you think to yourself.
But it isn’t…
The day you are supposed to meet your ex for that cup of coffee she sends you this text message,
“No big deal” you think to yourself.
“I will just reschedule with her.”
The problem is that you start to notice a trend.
Every time you reschedule your date with your ex girlfriend she always seems to stand you up at the last minute.
In other words, you aren’t ever able to advance to the “in person” stage of the process.
What kind of shot do you have?
The % Outlook If You Can’t Get The In Person Encounter
How can I put this?
You will never get your ex girlfriend back if you can’t get the in person encounter at some point.
In other words, you have a ZERO percent chance.
But that’s not the question.
The question is how OVER you is your ex.
Well, I think it’s telling that if your ex girlfriend seems to be responding to you positively in every other way but she won’t meet with you in person it means that she isn’t over you yet.
In other words, I think she is 50% over you.
Because, she just may need more attraction built up before she is ready to meet with you which means she clearly wants that attraction and isn’t over you!