My Ex Girlfriend Says She’s Completely Cut Me Off… What Do I Do?

One of my closest friends is absolutely terrified of spiders, all of them. I can’t even SAY the word spider or she flips out. A fear that is commonly taken to the extreme. She doesn’t like them so much that there is a dead spider curled up in the corner of her kitchen and she is afraid to sweep it up.

To me, that’s a little silly. If a snake crawled in her back door she would kill it without hesitation. If someone squared off with her in an argument she’d lob their head off just as quickly.

In every other regard, she seems completely fearless. But, if even the cutest, most adorable cartoon spider pops up on her screen she would absolutely lose it.

 

 

You’d think she was in Jumanji and it was more like this with the way she reacts to even the little ones.

And let’s be honest, that scene pretty much wigged us out at least a little. That’s totally understandable. Five-foot spiders should be at least a little bit terrifying, but lines… that vaguely resemble a spider… 

This would be her response…

We’re all afraid of something, and sometimes those things can make almost no sense. I get that.

Finding Answers To Why Your Ex Girlfriend Just Completely Broke it Off With You

So why would I tell you this?

There’s a question you’re probably asking yourself right now.

“Why did she push you away?

Well, the answer is simpler than you would expect. I guess I should say answers.

Every reason anyone has for anything can be boiled down to two causes… fear and self-interest.

That’s it.

There really isn’t much else aside from desire.

But, Wait! There’s More

I doubt you are satisfied with that answer. I wouldn’t be.

Simple answers aren’t really comforting because they don’t explain things fully.

So, what reasons would anyone have for cutting someone off in a relationship?

 

Well, let’s explore the possibilities.

The three questions we will answer are

  1. What is her motivation? could she possibly be afraid of something?
  2. What factors contributed to her decision?
  3. What can you do to increase your chance of getting her back?

I mean, those ARE the questions that are resounding in your head right now, right?

Well, there is something positive about all of this… you’re in the right place for answers.

Question 1: Understanding You Ex’s Motivation and Fear

 

Everyone is afraid of something. Literally, everyone has something they fear. And there are 5 innate fears that everyone is born with. These 5 fears are the basis for ever single fear than anyone has ever had.

  1. The first is a fear of not existing. It isn’t just a fear of death, it’s more than that. It’s a fear of being forgotten, of not leaving a legacy.
  2. The second is a fear of pain or injury. No one likes pain, that includes physical or emotional pain. This is where most fears of animals come from.
  3. The third is a fear of a loss of independence. Many people are afraid of being controlled by happenings beyond their control. Physically, this extends to claustrophobia, but mentally, it can mean in interactions, romantic relationships or any other kind of relationship.
  4. The fourth is a fear of abandonment, rejection, and loss of respect. I’m betting right now you can empathize with this on a little bit.
  5. The last is the fear of a different kind of death, a loss of integrity of self. This can exist in the form of humiliation, shame, or anything else that threatens that sense of self.

Like I said before, every single phobia can be linked back to one of these base fears. Think about it.

Have you ever felt jealous in a relationship? Number 4, fear of being replaced, falls in with the fear of abandonment and rejection.

What about fear of public speaking? That’s fear of screwing up and embarrassing yourself. Number 5, death of the ego.

Fear is also the base emotion of anger. People lash out when they are afraid. Often, this is something that is learned over our lives.

When a child screams or acts out, often it stems from fear of being abandoned. This becomes learned behavior, a habit. Some people never break this habit and end up acting like children even as adults. I’m sure we’ve all had some experience with people like that.

So, the objective here would be figuring out what your exes motivation for cutting you off. Nothing happens without a reason.

My grandmother used to tell me that a lot.

“Everything happens for a reason.”

Now, I’m not one for “meant to be,” but… I understand cause and effect.

Question 2: Contributing Factors That Influence Her Thinking

People have different reasons for leaving relationships. Some make complete sense. Some make absolutely no sense at all.

I’ve heard so many varying reasons, but there is one resounding fact that you need to know right now. People abandon relationships with people that they still love. Women leave men that they still love. Generally, it all leads back to the two things I mentioned earlier, fear and self-interest.

  1. Sometimes, women leave men because they feel abandoned within the relationship. You know that moment when you are talking to someone and you know they aren’t really listening? They’re daydreaming or focused on something else. It’s not something that you’re oblivious to. Even if you aren’t certain what they’re focused on, you know that they aren’t present. If you were mentally absent from the relationship, then I assure you she noticed.
  2. Sometimes, women leave men because they feel unsafe. This always makes me think of the days when women would choose a man based on his ability to protect her and provide for her. But what about when things get turned around and she no longer feels safe just being in the relationship. I’m not saying you threatened her or anything. I’m saying that it’s possible that she no longer felt secure for whatever reason.
  3. Sometimes, women leave men because they feel that the way the man perceives her has changed. The feel as if they are more of a possession than a partner. In a relationship, there should be a mutual respect for each other. If you started to treat her as if you were her boss, or as if she owed you something for being with you, then it’s likely that she got tired of feeling that way.
  4. Sometimes, women leave men because he’s become a different person. Time has a way of changing people. When you start a relationship, you start a journey together. Sometimes, one or both of you were off onto your own path and before you realize it, you are in a relationship with someone you don’t even know anymore. We all grow with time. If this was the reason behind your ex cutting things short, then she might have said something like, “I don’t know who you are anymore,” or “we’ve grown apart.”
  5. Another reason a woman might have for leaving a man is because she feels as if she’s losing what makes her who she is. This is a reflection of number 3, the fear of losing independence. A lot of couples get together and one of them gets a little more invested than the other. They start to let the other’s opinions overshadow their own. They let their partner’s choices alter their own. After they do this for a while, they start to believe that they are their own. They lose who they were.
  6. Sadly, sometimes women leave because the sex is bad. Oddly enough, this is easily corrected, however very few men ever realize this is an issue. And in my experience, I have met very few women will leave solely for this purpose. It can be superseded by a romantic connection and putting in matched effort. So, if this was the reason, it’s most likely paired with one of the other reason.
  7. Lack of communication is one of the most common reasons given for leaving a relationship. If you aren’t talking, then you’re basically leading separate lives together. This goes along the same line as reason D. When you lead separate lives you grow apart. You end up having differing goals. She had to choose between staying and giving up her own goals or leaving and rediscovering who she is and what she wants out of life.
  8. Sometimes, the reason is a lot more obvious. For example, if the way you treat her changes with who you are with then she might start to wonder if you care about her at all or if it’s an act.

There are plenty more reasons. But I bet you honed in on F. I assure you, that every man has been perfecting his “tactics” since he stopped believing girls have cooties. And I assure you that EVERY man has worried that this is the reason behind his partner leaving. I can also assure you that most women will choose a healthy connection and respect over the best sex she ahs ever had always. Out of all of the things I listed… That is possibly the easiest corrected. So don’t worry. Most of them are fixable.

Question 3: What Can You Do About Getting Your Ex To See You In a Different Way?

I realize that, since your ex cut you off, you’ve probably spent a lot of time wondering why. Perhaps you’ve imagined all sorts of reasons why she might have done so. But the thing is, you are dealing with a smattering of the same 5 fears that she was. So, you probably imagined her leaving you because she met someone else or because she doesn’t think you’re good enough.

I’m not saying it’s impossible, but the thing is, most people make their decisions based on how they affect them, and then factor in how they affect other people. The exception to this is a mother and an empath.

Empaths have the capability to not only understand other people’s pain but to feel it themselves. They avoid harming people even if it ends up doing them harm themselves.

So, what you need to do, is understand her position. Leaving someone you care or used to care for is not easy, even for the person doing the leaving. So don’t hold it against her too much. She’s most likely only doing what she thinks is best for her. Just like you have to do what’s best for you.

If you want her back, you have to look outside of how it affects you.

So what are we going to do about it?

Yeah, I said we… because you found your way this far and now, we are here to help you find your footing. So, you have to look past your pain and understand hers in order to do that, but we are here to help you figure that out.

First of all, you need to start No Contact if you haven’t yet. It’s not just about not talking or creating distance. It’s about a hard reset on the relationship. This is your chance to fix things. Take the time during No Contact to fix any issues that you might have had. If you don’t take advantage of the opportunity then you’re odds of recovering your relationship are slim.

So, adhere to the full No Contact period depending on your situation and take the time to make any improvement to your life that you need to make in regard to the way you see her and the way you choose to deal with things.

If you follow the Recovery Program we lay out her on the site and get her back and you haven’t taken measures to improve your life and change your perspective regarding her, then it isn’t likely that you’ll keep her very long. Because clearly there was something in the situation that she wasn’t okay with. Look at it from her perspective and do your best to fix what you can, in the situation and in yourself. Otherwise, there won’t be much incentive to stay.

To read more about No Contact, click here.

Follow the Program as closely as you can and you increase your chances of not only getting her back but giving her a reason to stay.

		

Written by EGR team mate

EBR Team Member: Ashley

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35 Comments on "My Ex Girlfriend Says She’s Completely Cut Me Off… What Do I Do?"

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Greg
Guest

Hi. My ex girlfriend broke up with me about 2 months ago. I was very needy and clingy after for about a month and she ended up blocking me and even changing her number…pretty sure she thinks I’m crazy. It’s been over a month since she changed her number and blocked me and she is still telling people she doesn’t want to talk to me. Do I have hope? What should I do? I feel hopeless.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

have you improved yourself since then? even if you’re blocked, were you active in posting?

Brian
Guest
Hello, my now ex-girlfriend broke up with me about a week ago. She also blocked me from literally everything I can think of at the same time. The first day, I tried contacting her through any means I knew how; alternate emails, texting apps that change your number, and google hangouts which makes your # unknown allowing you to call even if you’ve been blocked. Needless to say, she ignored all my attempts. That’s when I decided to leave her alone as everything I read suggested doing so. I received a letter in the mail from her about 5 days… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

HI Brian,

your chance depends on how much you improve yourself and you can influence her through your posts even if she blocked you.. because she’ll probably be curious and check on that in some way.

Alex
Guest
Hi, I need some help. It’s been three months since she dumped me. I went NC, and it worked, she invited me in her place, we made love and she told me she still had great feelings toward me but didnt wanted to get back with me. The day later, she told her friend that I still have too much hope, she doesn’t know why and that she knows she really moved on. This friend told her that her comportment is lame, and that she is responsible for the hope she gave me, and that she should be honest with… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

stop trying to convince her..that would be begging..check this one:
Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back By Ignoring Her

mk
Guest
hi amor my girlfriend and I have broken up and she has moved out which was a month ago. we did speak and it end with her crying and walking away. when we spoke we fought and she ended up blocking me off everything. we need have another conversation was which was pleasant she then began to cry and said she needs to go. the next day she said I need to respect and understand her decision and that we should stop communicating so we can both heal and move forward. she has not contacted me since she has not… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

how many days does she usually disappear? stick to at least 30 days and be active in improving yourself and in posting

mk
Guest
my ex and I have broken up about a month ago and she packed up her stuff and left we spoke over the phone and had fight and she has since blocked me off everything. the last message she sent me was that I need to respect and understand her decision that she thinks it better we stop communication so we can both heal and move forward. since then she has not taken any of my call or responded to any of my messages. we have known each other for 13 years and have lived together, she has not given… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

how many days does she usually disappear? stick to at least 30 days and be active in improving yourself and in posting

Dayton
Guest
Hi, me and my girlfriend broke up about 2 months ago. For the first month I definitely was a GNAT. We had some talks and I think we both understand that I made mistakes and she knows that I am sorry. The only thing was I never went into no contact. She would send me snaps and would never reply to mine so I would get very confused and GNAT her trying to understand her feelings. Finally, after I asked her to talk again, she said she wants me to leave her alone. I have been for 20 days now.… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

not really, but since she doesn’t know for how long you’re going to be silent, go for 45 days

Daniel
Guest
Hello, I have a question i’m not sure how to proceed in my current situation, first here is a quick recap of my story: Me and my ex met when i was 19 and she was 18 at the perfect situation possible and the perfect timing, a very strong bond was formed between us (not like any other relationships we both had) and it lasted about 1 year, I broke up with her and she was devastated and I eventually wanted her back and got her back after 1 month of trying. the “new” relationship lasted half a year and… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Just initiate contact..use a topic that’s interesting for her but don’t approach her like you know that she’s social media stalking you..just be friendly..check this too:
3 Secret Texts That Your Ex Girlfriend Cant Resist (Video)

Daniel
Guest

How will I be sure she wont reject me hard like the last time and just pretend she hates me

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

you can’t.. you just have to try..

Michael
Guest
Hi Chris, I broke up with my ex 5 months ago, I then about a month later deleted her on social media etc, cause I was working through a recovery from a serious injury and just needed everything in my life to be positive. I have recovered from the injury, thankfully I messaged her a few times in that period however. About a month ago, after not speaking for a while she called me after I messaged her and a friend congratulating them on finding new jobs. We spoke an hour on the phone she was asking about my family… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

The message was late at night right? So, to her it probably looked like a bootycall.. How much did you improve yourself in the past months and how active were you in posting? Also, in order to build rapport, you have to initiate more…

og
Guest
So here is my situation. Me and my ex broke up a little over a month ago. We dated for almost 4 months but had an emotional connection for I would say about 10 months. When we first met each other she was in a (later self-admitted) dead end relationship but we both really liked each other from the start and became friends. After her ex broke up with her she reached out to me, and I actually initially rejected her because I did not want to be her rebound as a I really liked her. Over the next few… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Even if you’re blocked, were you active in posting in past weeks?

D
Guest
Hi Amor, This is my situation. My ex and I broke up 7 months ago. I did all the things i wasnt meant to do beg, apologize, buy gifts etc. She was always hot and cold, one moment she wants to be with me the next she doesnt. we hooked up a few times and then recently just about 3 and half weeks ago. She came over to hang out, I had my friends over earlier so I pushed the time to hang out with her till later in the day. When she came over my place was a slight… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi,
The question is how much did you improve? During the party, how good did you looked? Were you active in posting in social media?

D
Guest

I improved a lot. Didn’t post too much on social media but my friends did. Gym, work hung out with friends.
She called me this past weekend to say hi that she was just checking up. I kept the convo simple , nothing serious.. and I ended the convo at its peak.
What does that mean since she called me after about 4 and half weeks

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

that’s hard to say on what she thinks just by that.. are you building rapport now?

D
Guest

No I am not. I decided to do the no contact a lil bit longer. I tried to build rapport but it was not positive from her end. So I decided to continue with no contact

Trent
Guest

I keep thinking about her, it makes me break the no contact rule this is my third time restarting. What can I do to help me not contact her?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Trent,

it’s normal to still think about her.. don’t deny that to yourself. Acknowledge it when it happens and remind yourself that it’s normal but that it wont help you if you break nc because of that.. You have to choose to keep going or to keep doing your current activity despite of what you feel.. It’s like being brave. You’re still afraid but you choose to act while you’re also afraid, instead of letting fear cripple you… Do new activities. Widen your world and make new friends..

Trent
Guest

I’ve been making new friends, conquering my crippling panic disorder. I work out every day by riding my bike. I got a job and I’m currently finding ways to be a better man and eventual husband and father. I know I am blocked right now and she wants her space I just hope that she will see these changes.

Trenton
Guest

I keep breaking no contact but I’m blocked how do I switch off thinking about her? I am bettering myself but I keep trying to get a hold of her

Jon
Guest
Our relationship has gone up and down, each time though she seems to make it a little bit harder on the situation. I feel really bad for our kids right now because of the situation. I know we still have a connection still bc we’ve been vocal about still loving each other and when working together things are great. The last fall out I was just talking about getting back on the same page with the boys and not having her mother watching them as much, which her mother had talked to me about multiple times. I think she took… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi,

a sit down will be confrontational in her end, that’s why she’s avoiding it.. There’s no use for a sit down right now because there’s no rapport.. it will just look like an attack to get.. The best you can do is to forgive her, and to keep being kind, indifferent and growing… Any confrontation or talk about negative feelings will not help for now…

Abdulrahman
Guest

Hey Chris, your articles are fascinating, but you never really focused on long distance relationships, I really need help at that, if you could do an article about it, you would really help me, thanks

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor
Jeremy
Guest

Hi Chris can you make an article of what to do if you have trouble getting a positive response? All I get from my ex gf is always short one word answer, and no its not my text being boring, I used all your example texts in your ebook

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor